A Trip to the Past
Disclaimer: I only own my characters and my plot. J.K. Rowling owns everything else.
Chapter 21~~~~~~~~~
That Saturday after Halloween in Hogsmeade started out to be normal enough. I woke early and showered quickly so that I could find Dawn at breakfast and talk to the girl. I dressed in a pair of black jeans that were covered in safety pins and a black tang top that I had taken safety pins and pinned sleeves from the shoulders on. I pulled on my robe, grabbed my wand, put my money bag in my pocket, and then made sure my piercing was still in my nose, it was.
When I walked to breakfast people that were up gave me the same hayed looks that I had grown cold against. Dawn wasn't at breakfast yet and I took a seat at the Gryffindor table. Alone I sat as usual for I was hated maybe for once I would like to have my friends back, just for one day I thought miserably. I soon pushed that thought out of my mind when Lily entered the hall and sat in her normal seat surrounded by her followers.
I finished nibbling on some toast when the Marauders entered the hall and I quickly escaped talking to any of them by having a flock of girls come towards them. I then ran to outside to be alone and free. I softly waited, hidden in the shadows for my friend. She showed minutes later a smile upon the girl's face and her eyes danced in the light for once.
"Hello Storm" she sighed happily. I now realized this attitude, she was in love.
"Who is it Dawny Girl?" I asked impatiently.
"Josef Hawkins"
"5th year Slytherin, not as bad as the rest" I calmly stated.
"Yeah now let's get a move on. I said I would meet Josef at Hogsmeade in an hour."
We walked to Hogsmeade after going through Flinch's set up. I walked Dawn to meet Josef at the Three Broomsticks then left to be on my own again. I found my way into the bookshop and I went through the endless musty books. They were full of facts and legends in each. I found some about the Ancients that I hadn't read and purchased them. The old man who had rung my order up looked at me funny at me a moment and I had caught that moment.
"Can I help you Sir?" I asked kindly.
"I am just wondering why you did those things to yourself."
"It is a rebellion against society" was all I said before taking my bags and leaving the shop.
I walked around for a while, saddening with every step. I then saw the Marauders in the window of the Three Broomsticks. They were all laughing except Sirius who wasn't in their booth at the moment. Sirius quickly came back except he had someone one his arm that I couldn't believe was even there.
I was so angered by that I raced into the pub and sat in a booth where I could see everything that was going on between them. Sirius let the girl sit on his lap and then kissed her passionately. When he did that my heart broke and when the girl was laughing I saw another reason I hated her guts even more. The girl was Viv and Sirius looked extremely happy with her.
In that moment my heart broke I ran out of the pub refusing to cry for him. I walked sadly back to Hogwarts and up to my dorm. I put my books in my wardrobe and sat in my window sill trying not to start crying. He isn't worth it I told myself over and over. I sat there waiting and hoping my life would just end. Well I guess the damn prophesy was wrong, we weren't meant to be wore we I cynically muttered in my head.
I was sick of sitting in my window sill and I walked out to Hester and in my blinded pain I climbed into the trees comforting branches, like a mother cradling a child was how I was in her branches. My heart, my soul, everything had been taken from me. What made everything a hell of a lot worse was the fact that my brother or Remus didn't say anything about him doing that thing. I was now alone in this world except for Dawn, who would now be too busy with Josef.
I felt hot tears springing from my eyes and I tried to wipe them away but it was to no avail. No one wanted me around any way, I was the freaky chick who everyone hated and no one loved. Maybe I should just fuck up and die I though bitterly. Everyone would celebrate and no one would mind my death.
These thoughts occupied my mind till I heard a hard and bitter tone reach me up in my tree. It was Severus Snape who had came back from Hogsmeade early as I did and was looking up at me.
"Yes Severus" I drawled sadly from up in Hester's arms.
"Come down Potter" he drawled bitterly.
I climbed down from the tree and Snape looked at me with a knowing look. He probably had seen my weakness but I didn't care, he was a person who was disliked as much as I was. Maybe just maybe, I thought no damn it I then disclosed.
"What do you want with me, Snape?"
"A proposition for you Tempest" he drawled as bitter as he did before.
"What?"
"You see I saw your 'ever caring' boyfriend today with another girl and I know you know about it. I say you should get some revenge."
"And it involves you because?"
"It involves me because if you pretend to be my friend then your dear friends will feel outraged and then you Sirius will know how it feels to be burned by someone who they thought cared."
"I'd say you have been planning this for a while Severus."
"Revenge is always sweetest when planned Potter."
"I agree Severus but just let this begin when he knows he is dumped."
"Alright Potter" he sneered.
"Goodbye Severus" I said as I began to leave to go back to the castle to try not to cry anymore.
"Oh ad Tempest" he called back as I was walking away, "he was never good enough for you."
I smiled politely and went about my way to the castle my heart being thrown into a blender and gone. Everyone who had come back looked at me and started to whisper almost in delight. I went about my way to the tower and found the Marauders in the common room. Come on girl you can do this I thought sadly and I walked with my head held high to Sirius.
"Sirius can I speak to you a moment?" I asked while not even looking to the others who I could tell were holding their breath.
"Sure Stormy" he said in an upbeat and happy voice.
"Sirius I saw you today and consider yourself now Viv's boy toy now" I stated with only bitterness and contempt.
"Tempest wait let me explain I am so sorry" he cried as I turned and walked away to my dormitory.
"Sorry Black you fucked up for good this time."
I walked almost in a trance to my dorm and sadly sat on my bed. I didn't want to cry over my loss, he really wasn't worth my tears any way. "You fucking liar Tempest, you know you love him damn it" I screamed standing on my bed at the top of my lungs. I then collapsed and felt tears running down my cheeks ruining my make up and making me even more pitiful then I was before.
I was like this all night and when the girls came back from there Hogsmeade trip they began to laugh at me. That just boiled me over the edge so much. I couldn't take it any more. I didn't need any more rage, hate, and whatever else tortured me. I wasn't going to take it out on them but myself.
When I jumped out of my bed in such a fit at their laughter they all quickly dropped their things and ran from the dorm, I guess I was really freaky then. I grabbed my cloak and my dagger. I would take no more of the pain and suffering. I was going to loose to it anyway, why not now?
I put the dagger in my robe pocket and walked calmly to the common room where everyone recoiled from me but Remus. I think he knew I was upset and wanted to be left alone but not feared or hated. I stomped past the great hall and out into the cool November air. By the time I reached Hester I was in a crying fit beyond anything I had done before. My sobs filled my chest and my tears traveled down my cheeks like rivers of salt.
I lay at the foot of Hester and I pulled the dagger from my pocket. It shown against the moonlight, taunting me with its own purity. I pulled my black sleeves up and my white skin looked so ugly in the night. It was bright and cream colored; hideous. I laid the pretty blade on my arm and pulled hard.
A burn came from this and then I began to bleed. The blood flowed from my arm like an angel had graced the place with its own loveliness. I did this over and over on my arms, savoring the sweet burn that made me feel so alive and rid me of my problems. Then my arms were a river of cuts so sweet that let the flow of blood from my arms. How I loved the feeling that only I could save myself make myself better.
The blood dried on my skin after it stopped flowing. I felt so relieved when I did this it was amazing. It was like a high, a grace from being the freaky chick that everyone hated. I was free when I did this. I needed this more when I lived. This was what I was supposed to do me then knew.
Eventually I went back to my dorm but it was so late that no one was in the common room and the bed of flames had died except one and his name was Remus Lupin. He looked at me sadly and shook his head to me disapproving.
"What do you want Remus?" I stated harshly and in a bitter tone of voice.
"I just wanted to be sure you came back alive is all" he said looking directly at me, his grey eyes I could see in the dark room.
"Well I'm alive aren't I so you can stop worrying and go join your cheating friend and my asshole brother."
"Tempest what Sirius did was wrong especially to you and I'm sorry you had to see that the way you did. I am not sorry for not stopping him though because then you wouldn't know at all and would be even more deceived."
"Oh well Remus time goes on" I said sadly.
"Goodnight Stormy and remember you aren't alone."
I sighed then walked to my dorm slowly. I changed into my pajamas and lay down on my bed, admiring my work. It was sick and twisted to see them and I loved that. I fell asleep proud of what I had done to myself but regretting anything I would do to Sirius though he deserved every ounce of it.
Sunday morning came too quickly and I had to face it. I pulled myself into the shower washing off the dried blood on my arms which stung painfully. I came out of my shower and put on a long sleeved black shirt and a pair of black leather pants. I put safety pins in my ears and made a choker out of some. I put on my dark eye make up and blood red lipstick. My nose piercing was changed into a small onyx stud. I put on a safety pinned robe and put my wand in a pocket.
I silently left my dorm and entered the almost empty common room. The people in the common room looked at me funny and all backed away a bit. I stomped down to the Great Hall in a heart broken and a pissed mood. I hated this entire school and all its inhabitants. When I entered the Great Hall what people were in there all stopped talking. They, I knew, had been talking about Sirius' and my breakup. How did I detest their moronic ways.
I took my lonely seat at the end of my house's table and picked at the food. I refused to eat the meat that was in front of me and opted to eat grain cereal instead without milk. I ate quickly and quietly and then left without a good bye to anyone and no one stopped me until I reached just outside the Great Hall doors. Snape and Malfoy were standing surrounded by people in a circle with my brother and my ex boyfriend in the middle, wands drawn.
I pushed my way through the circle of humans and into the circle. The boys looked extremely pissed at each other and for a moment I considered not getting involved then my senses were regained.
"What is going on here all of you" I screamed at them.
They all turned and looked at me and then I noticed whose anger was directed at. James and Sirius both looked at me with hatred. Snape and Malfoy both sneered at them and Snape touched my shoulder; every person looked scandalized that I allowed one of the most evil people in our school to touch me.
"What is wrong James; don't like your sister befriending people that you hate."
"Get your hand off of her Snivellus" he growled at Snape.
"Potter I don't think you should dictate what your sister does nor do you only play the role of big brother when you don't like what she does."
"Snivellus I swear to Merlin you better not touch her again or you will have me and James to answer to" Sirius butted in and I felt Snape grip my shoulder harder and my own anger rising at this statement.
"Black don't try to help me because I want nothing to do with you or James and I especially don't need either of your help with my friends." I stressed friends to make a point with both of them that I didn't want anything to do with them.
I then took Snape's hand off of my shoulder and left through the crowd every single person recoiling from my walk. I turned before I was going to leave outside and flipped the entire crowd of people off. I burst through the outside doors and walked to the lake.
The lake to me was calming and I felt inner peace here. I looked at it and I was mesmerized by its adaptability and the ripples on the water's surface when the wind hit it. I felt my own heart yearning to be able to change to the way life turned it, for I was still as heart broken as I had been yesterday and no amount of healing spells could fix it.
I sat on the cold ground and pulled my knees into my chest feeling so alone now. I had no one because no one cared enough about me. I had lost everyone and it was my own fault. Maybe a part of me wanted to have friends and feel an ounce of true friendship again and to be loved in the school not hated. Yet I knew that wasn't meant for me, my role in life was to be hated to be the one people stepped on profusely.
I then felt the tears prickling my eyes again and I had to wipe them away fast before even the ghosts of the dead could see them. I sat there in that spot not moving for hours and the people outside avoided me like the plague, never coming even within a hundred feet of me. I wanted to feel loved again, was my only yearn.
From this pain bloomed my idea to head back to my dorm and have a fix me upper. I carefully walked to the Gryffindor Tower and then to my dorm room. My dorm was empty when I came in and I thanked whoever was up there for that.
I took my dagger into the bathroom with me and began to run a hot bath after locking the door. I had the bath water extremely hot that when I sat in it, it burned my pale skin horribly and blisters formed on some parts of my body later on. I sat in the tub and hot water for a while till I reached for my dagger which still had dried blood on it but I didn't care.
My already mangled arms were still too fresh to cut again so I began on my inner thighs. I drew little cuts on them then on my calves. By the time I was finished the bath water was pink tinged. To me the blood and cuts were beautiful and was meant for me. I was on a high from digging the dagger into my skin and then letting the pain hit me.
I eventually left the tub and walked slowly to get dressed. I noticed I still hadn't stopped bleeding and some of my body was scalded so I had to bandage it. When I was done I put on my pajamas and sat in my dorm room. I put my Ramones record on and blasted it while reading one of my new books.
I was contained till after dinner when Lily returned to the dorm room particularly upset with me. Oh well she should just get over the fact that I am scary.
"What do you want Evans?" I hissed viciously.
She sniffed then her face began to turn red. "I want to know why you are trying to bring more shame to our house then you already have."
"Kiss it; I don't have to answer jack shit to you. Now leave me alone Evans, because what I do isn't any of your business."
"Still freaky as ever, Potter, I just hope you know I support what Sirius did to you."
"Screw you Evans because I don't give a damn. I don't care about Sirius or what he is doing with his new girlfriend, got that?"
"Fine but I hope you know
that they are both extremely happy together."
"It isn't any of my concern
now is it?"
"Alright Potter I'll now go but you know what."
"What" I spoke in a fed up manner.
"You deserved what you got."
I jumped at her and she yelped at left the room quickly. As she closed the door I picked the vase next top her bed and I threw it at her door, shattering it all over the floor. I detested Lily now and for good reasons. I considered her last words to me and a chill ran down my spine. It was true wasn't it; I had deserved the severing of my last bit of my happiness didn't I.
Since it was still not curfew I ran out of the dorm room, knowing that I couldn't stay there any more. Too many memories haunted there now, I wouldn't let them consume me though. I ran till I collided with someone else, knocking me unto the floor. I was afraid to look up at the person I had run into, so I kept my eyes on the stone floor.
I felt someone crouching down by me and I looked over to see Remus by my side. I took one look at him; I jumped to my feet, and began to run away from what I did. My feet pounded on the floor until I was free outside. I sat by the nearest tree and my body burned all over. Pain was in every crevice that I had hurt and I knew it was my own fault though.
I leaned against the trunk of the tree and closed my hazel eyes. I wanted desperately to be alone yet I wanted to feel love and happy. I was such a stupid person I thought then I felt someone sitting by my side. I opened my eyes and turned to see and hurt and confused Remus by my side. My friend I thought.
"Storm what is the matter?"
"Oh Remus" I cried and I felt my unshed tears from pain that had been killing my insides so long yet I was so ashamed of the tears I had been crying before.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I buried my head in shoulders and began to cry. Remus put one of his hands at the base of my head and let me cry into his robe. I didn't want to but I did. I needed a friend now and he was there to comfort me.
I cried for what seemed forever to me but was really only a half an hour. I went to rub my eyes after I cried and I had forgotten about how my hands were scalded and not worn gloves. Remus caught me trying to hide my hands before he could see them closer and pulled them towards him.
"Storm, what happened?"
"I burnt my hands by accident" I lied too quickly and he caught on to that.
"I know your lying, so tell the truth. Who did this to you?"
"Me" I whispered softly and he heard and dropped my hands in shock.
"What, why" he slurred in pure shock.
"Pain to me is my control Remus. I have enough pain in my life to scar myself for the rest of eternity."
"Oh Merlin, Storm"
"You won't tell anyone Remus. Please especially not James, Remus I beg of you."
"Let me see what else you've done and I won't Tempest."
I showed him every single infliction and he cringed every time he saw something new. I wasn't actually proud of the cuts but how I was able to do those things to myself. I had an escape now and I was glad of that.
By curfew Remus had agreed not to tell my brother but on the basis that I would come to him from help if I was going to cut. I agreed to the factors knowing full well that I wouldn't. I couldn't let him see anymore because he had seen enough already and to him this book was now closed.