The Boredom of a Moment
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Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I don't know who does, but they shouldn't care if I play with them, since I'm not getting paid for it…for more reasons than that it has zero merit of any kind. ^_^
Summary: A random bit of silliness. Yomiko's little known other superpower is discovered. Based on an observation while watching the OAV series. Please take this in the spirit intended: a bit of harmless fun. ^_^
Notes: Okay, first things first. This is based on something I noticed in the Read or Die OAV series. I probably only noticed because I was trying to make a costume for Halloween, but it seemed to me that Yomiko's skirt length and hair colour and length tended to switch from scene to scene. One minute her hair was black and waist-length, the next it was dark brown, and a good deal shorter. Then her skirt was knee-length, and when you looked again, it was ankle-length. I know this happens in other anime, too, but I noticed it most in this one, whether or not due to my close observation in the interest of cosplay or not, and thus I'm doing a story about it.
It is an admittedly stupid premise, so I hope you'll forgive me.
I also hope you'll forgive my blatant 'shippiness. I think Wendy and Joker are insanely cute together. I also hope you'll forgive the vague 'shippiness, as I also think that Yomiko and Nancy are insanely cute together. ^_^
Another thing to note is that this has no possible place within the universe of the OAVs, which is the only thing I'm familiar with (which might also explain a few things in and of itself; it'll explain it if I say something that has been disproved in the manga, which I have never been able to find).
The final note is that everyone's characterizations are extremely exaggerated. I hope. They could also just be flat-out wrong. It's happened to me before. ^_^
Anyway, all that being said, I hope you enjoy it. ^_^
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It was a beautiful day late in April, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, bunnies were frolicking in the fields, and the small game hunters were happy.
None of this made any difference to a certain youngish, blond, and exceedingly British fellow whom this chronicler knows only as Joker, as he was destined to spend the day indoors. Not being any great lover of nature, Joker didn't care overmuch, although he would glance wistfully out the window every time a bird fell squawking from the sky, wishing that he could go out and join the hunt.
Nevertheless, there was work to be done, and he was confounded (since he was far too British to be damned or even darned) if he was going to neglect it for his own pleasure. Now, if Wendy happened to be in the mood for a little fun, it might be a different matter. He'd lock the door to his office, put down the blinds, maybe dim the lights, clear off his desk, lay down the blanket he kept for just such occasions, lay her down on top of the blanket, and…
Joker was interrupted from his reverie by a soft knock at the door. Judging from the lack of dismayed exclamation as something dropped, it wasn't Wendy. Joker pouted, then pulled himself together and called,
"Yes, come in."
"Hello, Mr. Joker," the visitor called cheerfully. "Are you okay? You look a little red." Then, as something caught her eye, she continued. "Oh! I don't think I've read this one yet! Can I borrow it?"
"Hello to you, too, Agent Paper," he replied dryly. "And no."
Bidding the book a sad farewell as she put it back where she found it with a sigh, she continued through the office.
"Have a seat," he invited, gesturing to the chair. "We'll wait a few minutes for Ms. Deep, and then get started."
"O-kay!"
Shaking his head in fond bemusement, he was just about to comment on this great and utterly unexplained enthusiasm, when the television monitor lit up and Mr. Gentleman's face appeared.
"Joker, there is an urgent matter that I need to discuss with you immediately. Please come to see me right away."
"Of course, Mr. Gentleman," he agreed, rising from his desk, his expression a picture of confusion. "Er, I'll have to leave for a moment, Agent Paper."
"Okay," she agreed absently, having procured a book from the inside pocket of her coat. Naturally, the rest of the world had ceased to be for her.
"Also, I'm expecting a rather important phone call," he added from the door. "If the phone rings, answer it, will you? Just let them know that I'm out for a moment and ask if they can call back in an hour or so."
"Okay," she agreed absently, turning the page.
Joker sighed. Then, after a moment of thought, he turned and walked back into the office. Stopping in front of her, he plucked the book from her grasp.
"What?! Hey! Mr. Joker!"
"Yomiko, have you heard a word I've just said?"
"Of…of course I have," she assured him unconvincingly, eyes shifting nervously from side to side.
"What, then?"
"Something about a pony?"
Joker gave another sigh.
"Case in point. I'll say it again. Please answer the phone if it rings. I'm expecting an important phone call, and I don't want them to get the machine, as the fellow is rather fastidious about 'talking to mechanical gizmos'. If he does phone, let him know that I'll be back soon, if he could phone again within the hour."
A pause.
"Do you understand?" he prompted.
Another pause.
"Can I have my book back now?"
He gritted his teeth.
"No, you may not."
"But…but…but…why?!" she asked, aghast.
"Because I know that the odds of your hearing the phone if you've got a book are very slim."
Yomiko nodded thoughtfully. One couldn't, after all, argue with this kind of impeccable logic.
"Well…okay," she agreed reluctantly. "Can I just read one more page?"
"No!"
She made a disappointed noise, and then settled back in her chair for the long task of passing five minutes without a book. Ah! But hadn't she seen something on the way in that might be useful?
As Joker reached the door, he paused, turned back, and snatched up the book that she had eyed on the way in.
He thinks of everything, she thought sadly as the door closed behind him.
"Well, what do I do now?" she wondered out loud. "I guess I'll just sit here and wait."
However, thirty seconds in, it became apparent that simply waiting was a very difficult task for a girl who had not been without a book since the age of three. Still, she waited patiently for the phone to ring for about another minute and a half. Then her foot began to tap restlessly.
"Why couldn't he at least have left me a magazine?" she wondered as resentfully as her mild, sunny personality could, standing up and walking restlessly about the office and examining every inch that she possibly could without breaking some sort of privacy laws. "And why isn't this guy phoning?"
This completed five minutes later – after all, if it wasn't a book, it held relatively little interest for her – Yomiko was back at her wit's end for how to pass the time. She returned to the chair in front of Joker's desk and stared miserably out the window. Then she frowned in confusion as a gunshot echoed through the air and a sparrow dropped, squawking painfully, to the ground.
"What a strange day," she commented, shaking her head.
Two minutes later, the day had ceased to be strange and had become simply boring again. Then, just as she was about to shamelessly break privacy laws by looking through Joker's desk for a book, a magazine, or anything else with words on it, an idea occurred to her.
"I know! I can play with my other superpower!"
She took a deep breath and focused.
"Hair goes up…"
Her hair shortened by a few inches.
"Hair goes down."
Her hair returned to its original length.
"Hair goes up…"
Shorter…
"Hair goes up…"
Shorter…
"Hair goes down…"
Longer…
"Hair goes down."
Longer.
And so the minutes passed a little more quickly.
"Hair goes brown…hair goes black…hair goes brown….hair goes browner…hair goes red…hair goes green…eugh. Hair goes black," she finished decisively, reflecting that the punk scene would never be for her.
Then, tiring of this, she moved onto experimenting with the other aspect of this odd and exceedingly useless ability.
"Skirt goes up…"
Her skirt shot up from mid-calf length to knee-length.
"Skirt goes down."
Back to normal.
"Skirt goes down…"
Ankle-length.
"Skirt goes up."
Back to normal.
"Hmm…hair goes up…hair goes up…hair goes blonde…wow! What a weird change! Oh, well. Skirt goes up…skirt goes up…skirt goes up…skirt goes up …hey, look! I'm Brittany Spears!"
A pause.
"Argh! Skirt goes down skirt goes down skirt goes down skirt goes down skirt goes down! Hair goes down…hair goes down…hair goes black. Whew! All back to normal. I'll never do that again."
However, this was easier said than done when, after ten more minutes, Joker still hadn't returned.
"Hmm…hair goes up…hair goes down…hair goes up…hair goes down…hair goes up…hair goes red….hair goes…oh, hi, Nancy!"
This last phrase was called out cheerfully as the door of the office swung open and the other young woman entered.
"Hey. I knocked a few times, but I guess no one…heard…me," she trailed off, staring bewilderedly at the other girl. She sighed. "Okay, I've got to be honest. It's certainly a change – a really, really dramatic one – but red hair just isn't for you."
Yomiko put a finger to her chin thoughtfully.
"If you think so. I guess it isn't. Hair goes down…hair goes black."
Nancy gave a slightly startled laugh.
"Okay, I know nothing should surprise me around you anymore, but…"
"Oh! It's my other superpower! It's kind of a dud – not exactly useful – but it's good to pass the time. I was just playing around because Joker took my book away because he wanted me to answer the phone if it rang, and he thought I'd be distracted."
"Smart man," Nancy commented dryly.
Either not noticing this or simply ignoring it, Yomiko continued brightly.
"Want to see? Hair goes up…hair goes up…hair goes up…hair goes up…hair goes up…hair goes up. Now I look like an eight-year old boy," she laughed sheepishly, running a hand through her ear-length hair.
"Oh, no, you don't," Nancy said, eyeing the other girl's decidedly un-little-boy-like curves.
"Hair goes down…hair goes down…hair goes down…hair goes down…hair goes down…hair goes down," Yomiko was meanwhile chanting repeatedly until her hair reached its normal length.
"You are so weird," Nancy laughed, shaking her head helplessly.
"This is the other part," Yomiko said, standing up. "Skirt goes up…skirt goes down…" She paused for a minute, then continued, with a slightly mischievous smile that may have been not mischievous at all, but something else entirely. No one could have been entirely sure. "Skirt goes up…skirt goes up…skirt goes up…"
At this unlucky moment, the television screen above Joker's desk lit up.
"Oh, hello, Ms. Deep," the countenance of the blond man greeted. "You've arrived, have you? Well, I just wanted to let you both know that this may take a while longer than I'd thought. You don't mind staying around to get the phone, do you, Agent Paper?"
"No, not at all," Yomiko laughed a little nervously from her position hiding behind his desk where she had dived as the screen began to light up.
Joker frowned.
"What are you doing?"
"Um…I think I dropped some change," she replied.
"Oh. Well, all right. I'll see you both soon."
The screen went dark again and, cheeks slightly redder than usual, Yomiko stood up, rubbing her sore head gingerly where she had knocked it against the edge of the desk in her mad dash for a hiding place.
"Don't laugh," she said pleadingly.
Nancy, shoulders shaking with silent laughter, shook her head again.
"I guess this is what happens when people take away your books," she said.
Looking away and readjusting her glasses, the shorter girl cleared her throat.
"I'll just get this back to normal. Skirt goes-"
"Hold on," Nancy said, putting out a hand to stop her, eyes surreptitiously lingering on the rather excessive amount of leg revealed by the other girl's newly shortened skirt. "No need to rush."
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End Notes: Hee! That had no point or redeeming value at all! Just some (hopefully) cute fluff. But hey, admit it. You laughed a little, right? Chuckled? Smiled? Didn't roll your eyes in disgust at the sheer stupidity? [Beat] Okay, so you did roll your eyes in disgust and now you're going to flame the living heck out of me. Go on, then! What are ya, chicken?!
But, hey, if you liked it, feel free to let me know that, too. ^_^