Saved
Chapter 9
Someone Still Believes In You
by: Jade


Disclaimer: Dawson's Creek is not my property.

Author's Note: It's been a while, I know. Re-read the first half of Part Three if you have to; it'll help you recollect and connect it to this chapter.

"You weren't at the office. They told me you called in sick."

"It's no big deal," she waved off, "A little under the weather, that's all."

Joey regarded her friend with a smile and glanced over at the coffee table. She took a deep breath and released it softly and slowly. "How far along are you?" she asked.

Jen's eyes widened in surprise. "Two months," she told her and looked away.

"Danny doesn't know." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Did he ask you to come see me?"

"We talked. He was worried, so was I."

"Are you going to tell him?"

Joey shook her head. "I think it should come from you."

"I don't intend to tell him."

"Jen..."

She moved to the window. "I know Danny's type. He doesn't want to be tied down and if I tell him, it'll back him into a corner. He'll take responsibility and he'll resent me for ruining the rest of his life." Jen's voice started to quiver. "Don't you understand, Joey? I don't want to be the reason he's unhappy."

"Jen," Joey started, standing up as well and walked over to stand beside Jen. "Danny's not a type. He's him. If you gave him half a chance, you'd see how much he loves you."

"I can't," Jen insisted.

"Are you planning to keep the baby?"

Jen crossed her arms and squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't know. I just don't know." When she opened her eyes again, they were shimmering with unshed tears. "My decision not to tell Danny has nothing to do with making it easier on myself if I chose not to have this child."

"I know you. That's the last thing I would have thought."

"What gave me away?" Jen asked, after a pause.

"The crackers and the herbal tea on the table. You don't drink tea."

She chuckled. "In fact, I hate it. But it's one of two things that's keeping me from puking my insides out every morning."

"I know how you feel."

Jen turned to Joey and sighed. "I'm sorry," she said, reaching out to take Joey's hand. "I forgot."

"It's okay," Joey reassured her. "Really."

"No, it's not."

~~~~~

She swallowed back her nausea as she watched her husband devour his breakfast.

"Not hungry?" he managed between bites.

"No," she said, "But you obviously are."

He took a sip of his orange juice and wiped his mouth. "You feeling okay? You're looking a little pale."

"It could be the flu."

"Call in sick. I'll take you to the doctor's."

"No, you won't, it's just a bug. You miss two hours of work and you're going to be so behind."

"Then promise me you'll take the day off and go see the doctor." He kept his gaze on her until she reluctantly gave in. "Okay, but I'm only calling in for a couple of hours."

"You drive a hard bargain, Potter." He kissed her goodbye and she walked him to the door and watched as he disappeared down the hallway. Before he descended down the flight of stairs, he turned one last time and flashed her a smile. She returned it and the minute he was out of sight, she swung the door and didn't wait to make sure it closed before hurrying to make it to the bathroom in time.

*****

"There must be some mistake," she stated simply. "The test can't be right."

"I'll stake my reputation as a physician for the last twenty-five years on this one." The doctor handed a prescription over to her assistant who promptly left the room. "Joey, I take it this pregnancy wasn't planned?"

She conceded as much with a short chuckle and a shake of her head. "This can't be happening." In a softer and more dismal tone, she muttered, "This is the last thing we need right now."

Dr. Molly Keaton shook her out of her reverie. "Joey, I'm speaking to you as a friend and asking that you come talk to me before you decide to do anything."

Joey looked at the doctor as if she hadn't heard a word.

"I got to go."

"Are you sure you want to talk about it?"

"No time better than now."

They took their seats on the couch again. Jen waited.

"Under the circumstances we got together, we just weren't ready-" Joey paused. "It would have been unfair-" She clamped a hand over her mouth as she tried to compose herself. "-umm..." Her voice had become hoarse and her eyes red.

"Joey, let's not-"

"I still feel guilty," she went on. "I look at Pacey in the morning and sometimes the first image that jumps out at me is the expression on his face when I told him I'd made my decision."

"Pacey understood."

"Did he?" Joey watched the doubt cloud Jen's eyes. "Maybe he was just too good a man to stop his wife from having her right to choose."

~~~~~

She'd finally told him five days after she'd seen the doctor. After she had time to think.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded.

He was momentarily speechless and then he laughed. "I thought we were careful all this time."

She gave a slight shrug, distracted.

"I guess not careful enough." He wanted to be beaming from ear to ear but he tried hard to control it as he noticed she didn't exactly share his sentiments.

"Is something wrong?" he asked cautiously.

When it came to Pacey, she knew little else but to be honest. She held his gaze and spoke softly but clearly.

"I'm not sure I want to keep it."

"What?" But he had heard her.

"I don't think we're ready to be parents, "she said, starting to cry. "I don't want to screw up this child's life." He took her into his arms. "I'm so sorry," she said between heartrending sobs. "I just can't do this. Not now."

"It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay," he told her.

But a voice at the back of his mind told him it wasn't.

~~~~~

He glanced over at her. She was still looking out the window that had been wound halfway down. Pulling his eyes back to the road ahead, he begged inwardly for a higher power to take the pressure away from his chest that was suffocating him.

Water. She wanted to be close to the water.

That morning, they had started out toward the eastern seaboard. It almost felt like they were headed back to pay their families a visit.

Almost.

They had been on the road for nearly three hours. And for three hours, he felt like screaming. He wasn't blaming her, some part of him knew she was right. It wasn't his fault either but it didn't make what they were about to do any less painful.

He never prayed. But this day, he found himself asking for help. Praying they would lose their way and never find the place.

Then asking to be spared from the pain if they did.

He slowed the car down and came to a complete stop. They remained in the seats motionless for a minute. He wrung his hands and looked down at them on his lap. She was still staring into space and he didn't notice as she hastily brushed a single tear away. She pressed a button and watched the window close then got out of the car. He did too.

She didn't move more than a few steps, her eyes seeming as though they were looking through the walls of the building and into what was beneath them.

He took her hand and squeezed it. She squeezed it back.

And they made their way up the steps.

"I never really said thank you for that day."

"It was the least I could do." Jen reached forward and squeezed her arm briefly.

They lapsed into silence again. Joey's mind wandered and she said quietly and almost absently, "If you decide that you do want to have the baby, you have to tell Danny. Because when this child grows up, he's going to want to know who his father is. And more than anything else in the world he has the right to at least know that."

~~~~~

They'd made an appointment for two days later. The night before the procedure was to take place, she sat him down and told him, "Pacey, I would like to go alone."

He understood. She hadn't been able to look him directly in the eye for awhile now. Not since the day she told him she was pregnant.

"I'll be waiting," he said. "Here, for you."

She got out of bed early the next morning, careful not to wake him. She knew he hadn't fallen asleep until about an hour ago when he had stopped tossing and turning.

The time she spent on the train allowed her to process the events of the last week. She thought about her husband...their marriage...their lives...their baby... For the past month, they had been preparing for the move to the new apartment, Pacey had been in ongoing negotiations for a better-paying job with another company that he didn't quite like and she was scrambling to handle her steadily increasing workload. She couldn't think straight; she hardly had time to think, if at all. It was ironic that when she was finally given the chance to, the last thing she wanted to do was slow down and allow herself to dwell on her life and the choices in it.

So she turned her attention to the couple who looked to be in their fifties sitting a few rows down. The wife was nagging her husband about how much fat he was injecting into his body by consuming the huge burger and the even bigger bag of fries. Instead of reacting to her high shrieks, the man leaned over and planted an oily kiss on his wife's mouth and then continued to chomp. His wife shrieked even louder but then gradually gave in to his sweet talk as she affectionately patted his paunch and went back to reading her magazine.

Joey smiled and turned away from her momentary distraction back to the beautiful scenery outside that didn't quite capture her.

*****

Dr. Lisa Randall came up by her bed right after the nurse had administered a relaxant.

"Like I'd explained that day, it's a simple procedure called dilatation and evacuation," the doctor said. "Complications are rare with D&E at this stage. It won't take long but when you wake up, you're going to feel pretty groggy and weak on your feet. Have you arranged for a ride home?"

"Yes." She nodded, already starting to feel drowsy.

"Okay, just relax. This will be over soon."

She nodded again and closed her eyes.

Jen reached over to brush a lock of hair away from Joey's forehead. The latter had opted to sit in the front rather than rest in the backseat so Jen tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible by pushing the passenger seat back as far as it could go and gently ordered Joey to take it easy and go to sleep. It took quite a bit out of her to smile and reassure her friend, knowing she looked and felt awful and was less than convincing.

She drifted in and out of sleep and her mind was eddying with words and faces-

"Most women feel relieved after an abortion. Some feel sadness, guilt, anger or regret for a short time. These feelings are most likely the result of abrupt changes to the hormone levels as a result of the ending of the pregnancy. There are also feelings related to the social burdens of having an abortion. More severe emotional reactions tend to occur in women who wanted the pregnancy but would have suffered health risks if they continued with it."

Dr. Keaton took her hand. "It doesn't make you a bad person not to want this pregnancy."

She saw Pacey next and he opened his mouth to speak but she couldn't hear what he was saying. She kept shouting, "I can't hear you," but he shook his head in disappointment at her refusal to respond and finally walked away...

She opened her eyes with a start. She was still in the car, surrounded by honking coming from all directions and she knew she was almost home...where she wasn't certain she wanted to be so soon. If Pacey hated her...

*****

He was pacing the lobby of their apartment block and driving the doorman crazy. "Mr. Witter, I could buzz you the minute I see the missus."

Pacey shook his head and waved the suggestion aside. He walked out of the building and then walked back in for the thousandth time that afternoon. The doorman sighed and left him be.

He heard an engine stall outside and looked through one-half of the glass doors. He saw Jen backing up to park and forced his heart to slow down. The doorman saw his expression and opened the door for him. "Fred, the glass needs to be cleaned," he said distractedly.

He walked out to the sidewalk and paused in his step. He could see Joey through the windshield and she looked right back at him. Jen got out of the car and glanced from person to person. She walked over to Joey's side and opened the door, ready to help Joey out but Pacey stopped her.

"Let me."

He had spent the whole morning worrying about how she'd feel after it was over. Would she ever look at him the way she used to? Would she recoil at his touch? Questions he couldn't get out of his mind. He was even more afraid of asking himself how he felt; he didn't want to go there. All he wanted to do was to be there for her and the last thing she needed was a guilt trip triggered by any emotion he might accidentally convey. He made certain his feelings were to be kept in check.

He loved her. He loved her so much. There was nothing else but love he felt at that moment as he gazed at her.

She looked like she was about to cry. He bent forward and she made a move to step out, mistaking his intention to help her to her feet but he gathered her weight in his arms instead. "Come on, sweetheart," he whispered in her hair as he lifted her effortlessly.

Joey sought comfort in her husband, the last person she thought she would, at this point in time. She leaned in closer and breathed in his scent.

Jen looked on, a sad smile on her face. She grabbed Joey's bag, locked up the car and followed them.

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