Saved
Chapter 12
The More Loving One
by: Jade


Disclaimer: Dawson's Creek is not my property.

Author's Note: Thank you for being so patient.

This morning had been like what the other mornings had become.

At the table, he took a deep breath. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn't find the words and took a sip of coffee instead.

She avoided looking at him. She devoted her concentration to the arts and entertainment section of the newspaper; her eyes were focused calmly on the print but her was heart pounding with apprehension.

And they kept at it, in silence throughout breakfast...

"-cey? Pacey!"

He was dragged out of his reverie at the voice of his boss. "What?" he asked, giving the latter a sideways glance.

"I need you to make another run to Chicago."

"What's the problem?"

"Haven't you heard through the grapevine?"

He swirled around his chair to look at his superior. "What are you talking about?"

"Burke quit."

Pacey raised a brow at the news. It didn't surprise him that his colleague had left but that he'd left so soon after hinting at it less than a week ago. "Greener pastures, I presume."

Lansing muttered in a voice filled with scoff, "Whatever happened to loyalty?"

"Better money happened to it."

"You're not trying to tell me something, are you Witter?"

"Think about it, boss." Pacey remained straight-faced. Joey would have been proud of him. The subject of his long-deserved increase in salary in return for the revenue he brought to his firm had been an accompaniment to dinner many a time and she was always encouraging him to make a stand in the matter. He'd always shied away from being confrontational but this seemed as good an opportunity as any. With any luck, he might just get something out of it.

Now, if only he and his wife were talking to each other.

Pacey got of his chair and shrugged nonchalantly. "So when do you want me in Chicago?"

Lansing narrowed his eyes in suspicion at the quick turnabout. "Tomorrow afternoon," he said cautiously.

Pacey simply nodded. Lansing looked quite petrified but he was not in the mood to offer his boss any words of comfort. He was more preoccupied with the realization that a part of him had cheered up at the thought of leaving for Chicago, away from his current problems and he immediately sobered.

Not as far as he could think back with clarity did he ever relish the idea of spending time away from Joey. He shook his head lightly as if to clear his thoughts and left Lansing still puzzled as he made his way to the darkroom.

*****

It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her that Andie was now living in Chicago and that he'd seen her and they had had dinner and ice cream-

"Do you want to take this shirt with you?"

He nodded mutely watching his wife pack his bag for him.

She was beautiful. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met in his life and the most miraculous of all, she'd seen him at his worse, from childhood to adulthood and still chose him to spend the rest of her life with. Their marriage had been duly tested with trials and tribulations before. He knew he loved her, never stopped loving her, couldn't stop loving her.

Why on earth then was his heart so messed up this time round?

Joey busied herself with doing something for her husband, hoping that perhaps she'd feel less guilty if she were taking a more active part in his life. "How long will you be away this time?" she asked cheerfully.

"Four days, three if we're lucky."

She smiled brightly and spoke as such. "You must like Chicago to keep returning."

"It's not like I have a choice in the matter," he said in a dulled voice. "I take orders."

Her smile fell and her eyes flitted downward from his face back to his luggage. "I know that," she replied softly. "I just meant-"

"I know what you meant." His voice was wound so tight, it felt like a rubber band about to snap. Why the hell did he do that for?

Joey turned her face away on the pretense of reaching for clothing in the bureau. Her eyes were welling up. She begged inwardly for the self-control not to let them fall but one escaped nonetheless and she quickly wiped it away with a discreet sweep of her hand.

He didn't miss the gesture. At that moment, he wished he were in a bar somewhere, picking a fight, just so he could provoke someone to smash a fist into his face. To punish him for hurting her and perhaps, it would serve him well to feel some real pain right now.

He sighed quietly and got up from where he was to stand behind her. Holding her shoulders lightly, he felt them stiffen involuntarily and a mixture of sadness, guilt and anger came over him. He turned her around and his emotions intensified at the look in her eyes. Was she actually afraid of him?

He nearly staggered in shock.

The look in her eyes wavered when she saw how she'd affected him. No, no, she thought wildly. Don't give up on me. She had been experiencing that streak of fear of late. Fear for them, for their marriage and the same feeling had crept up on her just then. When she saw his reaction, her heart fell. Was he finally going to decide he couldn't take anymore and give up on her?

Pacey stood still, with fists clenched at his sides, not looking at her. He seemed stunned.

She reached out. "Pacey?"

Her voice was light, as her hand on his arm but she still managed to sense the strain beneath her fingers that he was emitting at her touch.

She swallowed nervously and dropped her arm. "Pacey?" she repeated.

He blinked at the floor once and looked up to stare into her eyes.

She held his look but his cool blue eyes gave nothing away.

"I'm tired. I'm going to bed." He didn't think he had spoken at all. His voice sounded foreign to him.

She watched him walk into the bathroom and close the door softly behind him. It was then that she felt her momentary surprise change itself into sadness as she bit back a sob.

Jen's dinner appointment for the following night had the makings of a full-blown disaster about to occur.

Technically, the woman wasn't a client. So technically, she thought, if she were to brush the former off, she wouldn't necessarily be jeopardizing her career.

But she was, after all, Danny's aunt. A woman that was related by blood to a man she loved more than life itself. Logically speaking, it wouldn't look good to offend anyone in his family.

On the other hand, she was not about to let that get in the way of her determination to make Danny stay away. She was going to have to be rude and offensive because if she was even a tad right about what Susan McGarry was up to, it would be the only way to convince Danny and his loved ones that she was all wrong for him. Better to break his heart now than later. Like a Band-Aid, quick and ...almost painless.

"Mrs. McGarry-" she began to say after the waiter left them with menus.

"Susan, please," came the good-natured interruption.

"I'm not going to be able to stay long. I have important business to attend to." Jen hoped her tone sounded as dismissive as she wanted it to be.

It did not have the desired effect on Susan, who merely conceded a murmur of acknowledging that she had spoken and continued browsing through the menu.

Jen leant back, slouching slightly into her chair. She looked away from her company and her gaze landed on the next table where its occupants had just been served. She reluctantly admitted that having a constant urge to eat for two and being in one of the best French restaurants in town gave her two good reasons to put her task ahead aside for the moment.

"Are you ready to order?"

Susan responded by snapping her menu shut, with a twinkle in her eye.


The waiter serving them that night was too professional to do anything more than twitch his lip as he repeated their order to them. Jen watched Susan nod in enthusiasm at his every word and almost reluctantly, returned their menus to him as he walked away.

Jen knew she was pregnant. She wondered if Susan McGarry had a clue that she too, was carrying a child.

"I have no idea what's come over me. I feel about ready to eat a horse."

Okay so she did not.

She was one of those lucky few who hardly experienced morning sickness. It must run in the family, Jen thought as she recalled Danny's mother having told her that she had had relatively trouble-free pregnancies, just has had her mother before her, even at the age of 42.

As far as Jen knew, Susan had been a late child, a rather unexpected addition to the family. She had only been eleven when Danny was born and took delight in the responsibility of babysitting him when she got older. They were close and Susan was always the first person he turned to when he needed someone to talk to. She was more of a friend and sister than an aunt.

It had been the night before Susan's wedding to Grant McGarry, a forty-five year old businessman when she first met the family. Danny had persuaded her to accompany him as his date to his youngest aunt's wedding. She had been very reluctant to involve herself in his family affairs; after all, she had barely had time to figure out what Danny meant to her and her, to him...


"This is strange beyond description."

Pacey swiped the magazine away from Jen who was hiding her face behind it. "Did you hear what I just said?"

Jen had suddenly become fascinated by the heel of her shoe, declining to respond.

Pacey contemplated the situation for a moment and let out a chortle. "You know I'm never going to let either of you live it down."

"How's married life?" she quipped, changing the subject.

He deepened the tone of his voice, hoping it sounded reproachful enough. "Jennifer."

She shook her head. "Don't turn into Grams now. I couldn't bear it."

"Stop changing the subject. I want to know about you and Danny."

Jen threw her arms in surrender. "Why on earth he felt compelled to tell you about it, I'll never figure out."

Pacey paused to allow the waiter to put his cup of coffee down before him. "I'm sure glad he did, otherwise I might never have known."

"That was the point," she muttered.

"Let's get serious for one minute," he said, laying down the magazine on the table by his side. "Why does Danny think you and I have a history? Romantically speaking, I mean."

Jen rolled her eyes. "He has an overactive imagination."

"You guys didn't even seem to like each other in college."

"Speak for yourself and Joey," she retorted.

"Touché," he conceded. Pacey returned his attention to his coffee but Jen had known him for far too long to think that it was the end of this conversation.

"What?" she demanded to know.

"The two of you, is it..." he allowed his question to drift.

"I don't know." She sighed. "If you're asking me if I'm dating other guys besides him, the answer's no. If you're asking if this may lead to marriage, hell no, not after three weeks. If you're asking me to predict how long it'll last, ask me when it's over."

"You don't think you'll last?"

"With my track record?" She shook her head. "Pacey, the best I can tell you, we've agreed it's casual for now."

Pacey nodded and dropped the subject.

"You know," she said after watching him, "you've become so serious about everything, it's no fun."

He lifted her brow at her attempt to challenge him. "Really?"

"Ah uh."

"You know, Jennifer. Are you sure you've never been in love with me?"

Her answer was a resounding whack on his arm with her magazine.


Three weeks had become months and before she knew it, they were well on their way to being together for a whole year. Just as she allowed herself to think about how good things could be, her life took another turn round the bend.

Grams got sick.

Four months later, Jen found herself holding back tears as she held on to her grandmother's hand by her bedside. It seemed to take an Herculean effort for Grams to open her eyes but she did as she smiled at her granddaughter one last time before she closed them again and took her last breath in peace.

"Good-bye, Grams," she'd whispered.

She'd felt a sense of loss so great, she'd thought she'd physically break into pieces. She held her anguish only long enough to make it out of the hospital where she broke down. Moments later, she found herself engulfed in a warm and comforting embrace. She rested her tear-stained face against his chest as her fingers held onto the lapels of his jacket.

Wordlessly, he ran his hands soothingly up and down her back as she sobbed, trying to absorb some of her pain.

When her crying had subsided and the front of his shirt was soaked with her tears, she began to remember that he was supposed to be in Dallas with an important client.

"I'm so glad you're here," she whispered, her arms going around his waist and she breathed in the familiar scent of his cologne.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he told her.

It was then that she knew she'd fallen in love with Danny Lerner and it was too late to turn back...

Looking now at his aunt, she wondered how she was ever going to pull the whole thing off without ever revealing evidence of her broken heart.

Feedback please, to: pacey@hockeymail.com