Part 13
Sense and Sensibility
by: Jade
Disclaimer: Dawson's Creek doesn't belong to me.
"McPhee, just stand back and watch the expert."
Andie handed over the spatula and let out a huge snort that soon turned into a
burst of laughter as she stepped aside just in time to duck the assortment of
green vegetables flying her way.
"You're supposed to keep the food in the pan," she told him.
"Smarty-pants."
Andie grinned into the glass of Perrier she brought to her lips. She had been
all prepared to settle into her evening with takeout and a good book when her
doorbell had rung.
"What are you doing here?" she asked in astonishment.
"My job." Pacey stepped around her into her new home, with bags of
grocery shopping. "Nice place."
"Thanks," she replied. She was still surprised at his appearance to
question his intrusion into her kitchen.
And she was glad she hadn't for he was making her laugh the hardest she had in
ages with his antics.
He looked so adorable in the personalized apron that someone had given to her
as a housewarming gift. He turned around and she chuckled again at the words
emblazoned on his chest: "Feel free to compliment the chef...well, for
pete's sake, say something!" She could definitely use more happy moments
like these.
A glint of light caught the corner of her eye and she followed the track back
to its origin. Her smile faltered as she placed it to the band on Pacey's
finger.
She'd gone and done it again - allowed herself to think about a future she
couldn't have.
"I just couldn't mind my own
business." Susan waved off Jen's credit card as she placed her own on the
check and returned it to the waiter. "Grant, my husband, told me coming to
look for you wasn't going to be too good an idea."
Jen tactfully remained tight-lipped.
"I love Danny more than life itself. I couldn't stand by and not
try."
"Mrs. McGarry-"
"Susan."
"Mrs. McGarry," Jen repeated, sounding harsher than she'd planned.
"I can appreciate your concern for Danny but our relationship is between
us and I'd prefer not to talk about it with anyone."
Susan stared at her for a long time and she wanted to look away in sheer guilt
and shame but knowing that would defeat her purpose, she forced herself not to
squirm and returned the look with steady eyes.
"Jen, I don't know why you're doing this."
She shrugged. "Relationships end. I'm sure you can understand that."
"That's not what I mean." Susan took her credit card from the waiter
after printing her signature and returned it to her wallet. "I
thought-" She shook her head. "No, I know there's more to
this. I was a woman in love the first time I met you and I recognized that same
look on you."
Jen stubbornly tilted her chin. "You read me wrong."
Susan stood up abruptly and swayed a little. Jen almost reached out to steady
her on her feet but forced her hands to stay by her side. "I'm sorry we
both wasted our time." There was now an edge to the older woman's voice.
"I'm sorry you came down here for nothing."
Susan turned to go. Jen closed her eyes and took small, inaudible breaths and
managed to look up again, composed as the former suddenly turned back and her
voice, soft but chilled. "This wasn't Danny's idea, he knows nothing of
it. You should know that I came of my own accord."
This time, Jen said nothing. Five minutes later, she was still seated at their
table in a daze.
*****
"What!"
"Danny, this could be a blessing in disguise. Maybe she's not the one for
you."
"Suz, how could you do that?"
Susan could guess how mad he was with her. He never called her just Suz
unless he was distraught and distracted.
"Sweetie-"
"I can't believe you did that." Danny began to pace the living room
of his apartment. It had been their apartment before Jen moved out a
month ago. He haphazardly ran his hand through his hair and sat down but was up
on his feet in a second, pacing again. "What did she say?" he asked,
hope against hope showing in his voice.
Her silence told him everything.
"You know what's worse than all this?" He chuckled humorlessly.
"I still don't know what I did to make her leave."
She longed to say 'I love you'.
She had been reading the same paragraph over and over again and was going
nowhere. Leaning against the arm of their couch, her legs partially resting on
his lap as he watched the basketball game on television, with only a minimal of
her attention on the novel before her, she admitted she was distracted.
A lot from the way he was occasionally playing with her recently pedicured toes
to kneading the skin on her feet, giving her a massage and sending tingles all
the way back to her heart. But most of all-
"Oh come on!" he yelled at the screen.
-she was distracted by how in love she was with him and the weight of it was starting
to take its toll. It had to be if she was even thinking about ruining the way
things were by confessing.
The game broke up for the end of the third quarter and the object of her
distraction gently lifted her feet and plopped them back on the couch.
"Want some hot chocolate?" he asked, standing up and stretching and
then bending forward to plant a kiss on her forehead.
He was completely unaware of how easy it was for him to show affection, having
done it his entire life with his family.
She nodded mutely, one hand on her book, still unwilling to admit her attention
hadn't been completely focused on stealing glances at him from behind the cover
of catching up with her reading.
When he returned with their hot chocolate and handed a mug to her, she gave in
and dropped her reading to the floor by the couch and cuddled to him. He
wrapped his free arm around her in reflex. It was still strange to her, the way
he brought out the sentimental side she'd never thought she possessed. At some
point in time, she began to learn to give up feeling awkward and embarrassed at
public displays of affection. She gave up pretending that she did not like him
holding on to her hand when they walked the crowded streets on their way to a
movie or for coffee. She no longer squirmed or felt the urge to move away when
he hugged her to him, wrapping the front of his coat around her and running his
hands down her back to warm her up as they watched the Christmas lights and
skaters at Rockefeller Center. And she stopped moving away when on occasion, he
would lean in to kiss her lightly on the mouth as a hello or goodbye.
He put her mug down and did the same with hers. She raised a questioning brow
at him.
"You're pretty distracting when you want to be."
She realized that she had been caressing the top of his thigh with her free
hand. "But I haven't said a word." The ends of her mouth were
crinkled in mirth as she spoke.
He smiled. "You didn't have to."
"Don't you want to watch the game?" Already he was half lying on top of
her as she lay back on the couch when she asked the question.
"I'd rather watch you."
He promptly proceeded to wipe the smirk off her face.
*****
And eight weeks later, she drowned herself in self-reprimand as she watched the stick she was holding turn an unmistakable shade of blue.
Pacey relaxed in the comfortable rocker in
Andie's back porch and closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of the night.
They were both silent for a long time.
She tore her eyes away from the stars that she'd been watching from the long
cushioned seat where she'd been lying down.
"Is something wrong at home?"
Pacey opened his eyes slowly and looked to his right at her.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because you've never really been able to keep anything from me," she
replied honestly, glancing back at the sky in time to see a shooting star.
She'd made a wish even before she knew she had. "Just as I from you."
"Few things have changed in my life, it appears."
"What do you mean?"
"Dawson wants Joey back."
Andie sharply turned to look at him. "What?"
"Dawson's back."
"I'm sorry." She sat up and leaned in closer. "I know it's never been easy for
you."
He laughed mirthlessly as he took in the concern on her face. "For everyone.
It's the bane of our existence. How often I wished I could bring myself to love
someone else as much as I do Joey."
Andie sighed sadly, unsure of what exactly it was that made her want to cry.
Was she pining for a love so passionate, a love that would come only once in a
lifetime, one that she'd yet to encounter?
Or was she lamenting its loss?
*****
"I have to stop seeing you."
Dawson released an angry breath. "Is this his idea?"
"Pacey's a good part of the reason. But I make my own decisions."
"So you're telling me our friendship's over because your husband doesn't trust
you."
I don't trust myself. She did not voice her thought out loud. Her bottom
lip quivered and she bit on it to compose herself before speaking. "We've grown
up. Sometimes we're expected to make choices that don't include our past."
"It's me, Joey." Dawson's voice had lowered to a whisper. "I've known
you forever. We've been there for each other, through childhood dreams,
heartache…loss of family. I can't-," he broke off.
"Dawson-"
"I can't comprehend how you could contemplate letting go of something we've
shared for so long. Sometimes, it's the mere thought of you that keeps me
going."
Tears welled up in her eyes. "How did we get to this?" she questioned, her
resolve weakening.
He sensed it and regret filled him. "It was my fault, I should have stayed."
"No," she shook her head. "It was something you needed to do."
"No, it wasn't. It wouldn't have been if I didn't let it."
A tear escaped and she quickly wiped it off her cheek with her fingertips.
He took her other hand. "I think there's a lot between us that hasn't been said
yet," he said quietly. "If nothing else, we're friends and I would like
for you to remain in my life. And we owe it to ourselves to at least talk to
each other."
Joey dropped her forehead into her hand, her elbow resting on the table. She
kept her face down.
Dawson gently released her hand and waited patiently across from her.
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