In the Dark
By: Chshalogrl 'aka' Ellie
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Don't sue me unless you really want one dollar and a piece of gum. And even then…you could just ask nicely.
Rating: PG
Summary: Prelude-ish. Sydney contemplates her unusual circumstances.
A/N: Okay guys. I'm actually at school right now. I was bored in one of my classes and this just wouldn't leave me alone. I jotted it down and I have a little break right now, so I thought I would go ahead and post it. I'm NOT an angst-writer…so please don't judge my abilities by this. ;) It's really short, but I hope that you get at least a small shred of entertainment out of it. Oh, and I don't know if I accidentally stole the title from another fic…it just (obviously) goes with the story. If anyone's offended, my apologies. Happy Reading!
~Ellie
In the Dark
In the dark, I used to be afraid.
Most children are after all.
The idea that seeing is believing is engrained in us at a very young age. What we can't see frightens us.
So when the veil of black falls over our bedrooms, we no longer believe we are safe.
Why should we?
It is dark.
Two years changed my perspective entirely.
Is seeing truly believing? And does this mean that believing is seeing?
My vision is clear. It is freshly cleaned by today's rinse of tears. And I see. But I don't believe.
I see his green eyes light up when they find her in a room. I see the gentle brush of his fingertips across her shoulder as she sits at her desk. I see a smile that looks all too familiar and jabs at my heart with its genuineness. I see the creases that appear in his forehead when she is upset.
I see it.
But I don't believe it.
Perhaps if I don't believe it.
I'll no longer see it.
Darkness is my sanctuary. A place where I am blind to the harsh realities that have wrapped their decrepit fingers around the remaining strands of my life. A blanket of oblivion that smothers me towards my past. As darkness wraps around me, I don't have to see. I don't have to believe.
I'm in the dark.
I don't see that the sheet on the other side of the bed is unwrinkled. I don't see that the pillow is full and fluffy. Unused. I forget that myclothes alone are filling my drawers. I'm oblivious to the absence of his aftershave from the top of my dresser and I don't acknowledge that the goosebumps on my arms weren't caused by his touch. Darkness conceals the band of gold winding its way to eternity on his left hand.
In the dark, I can't see that he is gone.
So I don't believe that he is gone.
He is with me for as long as the sterling moon is perched in the blissful black of the sky.
Daylight comes eventually.
The sun sheds its beams across shiny, wooden floorboards.
With this light comes a darkness I know well and a fear I have not yet conquered.
Without him, my world is wrong.
My night is my day. My day is my night.
Daylight forces me to look at myself.
I am appalled at what the mirror reflects.
I look exhausted.
I look sad.
I am lonely.
Hope surfaces with the ring of my cell phone.
Again, I am caught in the darkness. This time by his wife.
I am in danger. He comes to help.
A tiny light is kindled in the corner of my heart as I pray.
Quickly, I pinch away the hopeful flame as a shred of moonlight glints off that golden band.
I wonder.
I wonder if he lives for darkness.
I wonder if Lauren condemns the day. Daylight forces her to look at me.
Daylight reminds her that I was first.
Hiding my face in the shadows, I let our silence strangle me.
As we stand in the still of the crisp night air, the flame of hope flickers once again. I see love in Vaughn's eyes. I feel his desperation in the way that he holds me. I sense the mingling of fear with desire as his breath warms my cheek. His lips nearly grazing mine.
I pull back. I'm exhausted. I'm sad. I'm lonely. But I am not yet weak.
With a large amount of effort, I force my lips into a smile and express my thanks.
The silence is bittersweet.
I can see his love for me, even through the shadows of night and the blur of my tears.
But I know the truth.
We can't be real if we are confined to darkness.
The choice is his. But I already know.
What we have must be brought to light.
It must be seen.
It deserves to be seen.
Only then, will I believe.
Fin.
Eeek! Well, that was it. Let me know what you think…or don't think. Hehe. Thanks for reading!