Disclaimer: I don't own CCS. I never have and never will.
Summary: You know the feeling where you love somebody so much that you don't want to let them go? What would happen if they suddenly left you with no way of control? They want you to move on, but you just can't... it's not as easy as it seems... Angsty fic.
Notes: No notes this time, but enjoy the one-shot.
Give Or Take A Day
It's been so long. You've had this disease for such a long time. Not even the strongest healing magic can cure this. I still remember the day that you came into school, your head hung, looking unlike your usual bright happy and cheerful self. I sensed something was wrong with you, and I was right. Your eyes were shimmering with tears when you told me by the tree what was wrong with you. You told me that you only had a year to live, or so the doctors had said. I tried to believe that it wasn't true, but I knew that I was only fooling myself. I was in denial, I know that now.
I tried to shelter myself from you, even in those last days. I should have spent every single minute with you, but I didn't. I regret that now. I miss seeing your face everyday. Whenever I sit in my place behind your desk, I don't see the new girl in front of me, I see you. She may have the same colour hair as you, but she isn't you. I know that you would want me to be happy, but it seems that now... I don't know how to be. It's that simple. I feel like I need you in my life to make me happy. I just don't think that memories are enough. There's something more, something more that I wish that I could have shared with you.
I've never been one to show my emotions openly, though there have been numerous times when the emotion has just flowed through unrestrained. Mainly anger, and sometimes, though very rarely, happiness. Whenever you smiled, looked at me with your laughing eyes... I just felt like laughing right along with you, but I didn't. I just stayed emotionless. But inside I felt emotion. I don't know if you saw it or not, but it was definitely there. I know it was.
Then it was just like that. Poof. You didn't turn up to school one day, and the whole class was fearing the worst. They knew about your illness, just like I did. This isn't easy. I'm wanting to move on, but I need help. Can you help me? I know that if you were here, you'd want me to move on...
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I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out
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I still see your face. You're there, but you're not here. I know it's hard to understand, but even though you've gone already, I thought that you would always be with me. I know that you said that you'd always be with me in spirit, but things said these days can be so wrong...
I'm doubting you now. What's wrong with me? I've always believed now in stuff that you've told me, but here I am doubting you. I loved you, I still do, but I never had a chance to tell you...
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I thought I had all the answers
Never giving in
But baby since you've gone
I admit that I was wrong
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I'm still here. I'll be waiting, but I don't know if you'll be coming back. Sometimes I can feel you near me now, but I wish that I could see your face.
Feeling your spirit is not as good as seeing you in person.
Seeing the tears of laughter in your eyes used to make me happy.
But now tears only remind me of sorrow and loss.
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All I know is I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you
I need you by my side
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I remember Tomoyo saying something to me earlier, "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." I think that refers to you. Are you there for us, for me?
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If we ever say we'll never be together
And we ended with goodbye
Don't know what I'd do
I'm lost without you
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The school gathered around when we heard the news of your death. Everyone respected you. I don't know if you knew that, but they did.
They really did.
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I keep trying to find my way
But all I know is that I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you
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Each passing day gets harder. I feel myself sinking.
I've been diagnosed with clinical depression.
I feel like killing myself sometimes so that I can be with you.
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How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind
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I keep thinking of you. I don't know what to do anymore. You used to have all the answers.
It makes me wish even more that you were here.
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Oh my bed's so cold at night
And I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right
No, I'm not too proud to say
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I lay in my bed that night with my eyes closed, sensing your presence no longer there. I'm so used to feeling your aura within this town, but it's no longer there now.
Something happened.
I knew it.
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All I know is that I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you
I need you by my side
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You died.
You were taken to the hospital, but it was too late. You just... died.
I never even got to say goodbye.
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If we ever say we'll never be together
And we ended with goodbye
Don't know what I'd do
I'm lost without you
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Your spirit is always with us.
I can sense it sometimes. Not always, but sometimes.
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I keep trying to find my way
But all I know is that I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you
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They miss you.
We all do.
You're always within our hearts though, and we'll never forget you.
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If I could only hold you now
And make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears
From running down my face
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My heart still suffers fresh pangs of raw emotion when your name is mentioned.
My breath starts coming in raw gasps, and I feel like I can't breathe.
Tears start forming in my eyes and well over.
It feels like a knife is twisting in my heart, in an old wound, over and over.
The pain is still too soon, too real to bear.
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All I know is that I'm lost without you
I'm not gonna lie
How am I going to be strong without you
I need you by my side
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You said that you'd always be there for me. You said that you always keep your promises, so then, where are you now?
You promised me that you'd always be there.
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If we ever say we'll never be together
And we ended with goodbye
Don't know what I'd do
I'm lost without you
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I see your face smiling at me.
It's not quite there, but I can still see it.
I welcome it.
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I keep trying to find my way
But all I know is that I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day
I'm lost without you
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A tear drips down my face.
You're still there.
It's true.
The end.
There's the end of that one-shot. Hope you all liked it. Let's see who can guess correctly from whose POV this fanfic was from.
--Kari