~Okay, sorry this took so long. Busy week. And it's super cold outside, I would just like you all to know. So I'm being lazy, and considering skipping class (no....I should go....but I really don't want to), and I had a little time to finish this chapter. The song is by Tracy Chapman. I hope that you enjoy it. And I hope that you review....because that would make me super happy. Thanks!
Disclaimer: I own them.....hahaha, that's really funny seeing as I have like $0.72 to my name. Of course they aren't mine!
She missed him. He tried not to get his hopes up too much by the last statement. But she missed him? She missed him!
"You....uh...did?" He couldn't form complete sentences, that task was beyond him. Because she missed him.
"Yeah, I did. I missed you a lot. I thought I was this terrible person for being married and missing my former boyfriend, but the thing was Chandler, that neither of us really wanted to split up, it just sort of happened." That was true. They hadn't mean to stop talking to one another, they just stopped talking one day. And neither could pinpoint exactly when it was. It was bound to happen, they had both known it was coming, but they hadn't been able to do anything about it.
"So....um, what does that mean?" Chandler struggled to make his voice even. Not to let his voice break and have some hope creep in. But it had, and she had heard it.
"I don't know," she frowned.
"Well, I'd like to get to know Sadie," Chandler said. It was easiest to start with Sadie, of course he would want to stick around, he wanted to get to know his daughter. That was obvious. And if that led to something with Monica....then that would just be an added bonus, right?
Oh, who was he kidding, he wanted nothing more to take her into his arms and never let her go.
"Of course. I want you to get to know Sadie. I want Sadie to get to know you," Monica added.
"So I could try to transfer here?"
"Really?"
"Would that be okay?" He asked. Monica nodded.
"That would be great." They sat in silence again. Each holding onto a mug of coffee and neither one wanting to be the first one to breach the subject of the two of them possibly dating once more.
"Okay."
"Okay." Again there was silence.
"So we aren't going to talk about what we aren't talking about?" Monica finally spoke up.
"I didn't think that you wanted to."
"Well....yeah, I do."
"Oh, okay. Then we can talk about it. Let's talk about it." More silence.
"I loved you," Monica admitted. "I was devastated when I had to leave you."
"You know you didn't have to leave. You could have gone to school in New York."
"And be near Ron and my mother? No. You knew it, and I knew it, I couldn't stay there." He knew it, of course, but that still hadn't stopped him from hating her when she left. Hating that she needed to leave, hating Ross and her mother for making her run away. He knew that she was running from them, but there was still that insecure part of himself that asked if she was really running away from him too.
"I love you, too," he finally spoke up. "I've loved you forever." Monica noticed that while she had used the past tense, he had used present. He loved her. Right then and there. And she did too, she loved him.
"That doesn't fix everything, and that doesn't change the fact that we've been apart for eight years," she pointed out.
"No, it doesn't," he agreed. "But it's a start."
It was a start. And she silently reached across the table and took his hand. He didn't ask for more, he just held her hand. She needed time. He understood that. She had her heart broken so many times before. By her mother, by Chandler, by Matt. If she needed to take things slowly, he would understand that. He wouldn't rush her into anything. Because he needed her. And he would take her any way that he could.
When all my hopes and dreams
have been betrayed
I stand before you
My hands are empty
I am yours, if you are mine
I am yours, if you are mine
Chandler was asleep on the couch when he felt a tug at his sleeve.
"Daddy?" That word. That word that he had never heard before. That word that was the most beautiful word that he had ever heard. Opening one eye, he peered up and saw Sadie standing there.
"Hey, morning beautiful," he said as he sat up. She giggled.
"Mommy wanted to know if you wanted breakfast? She's making it right now."
"Sure," he nodded. "That would be great." Sadie grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"I'm glad that you came," she whispered. Chandler ran a hand over her dark hair and closed his eyes.
"So am I." Sadie unwrapped her arms and grinned at him. She ran back into the kitchen and Chandler rubbed his eyes. Standing up, he followed his daughter and found Monica flipping pancakes. Sadie was chattering away beside her and helping her put chocolate chips into the batter. He didn't say anything, just stood there and watched.
"And then what do we do Mommy?" Sadie asked practically jumping.
"We have to pour the batter into the pan," Monica explained.
"Can I help?" Sadie asked.
"If you're careful," Monica said and she pulled a stool over from the island and helped Sadie onto it. Very carefully, Monica and Sadie poured the batter into the pan.
"Can we make just one really big one?" Sadie asked.
"Who will eat it?" Monica asked laughing. "Cause I know that you won't."
"Daddy will!" Sadie replied and Chandler watched Monica's face to find some sort of expression. Something that he couldn't quite place a finger on flashed over her face and then it went back to being impassive.
"Okay, we can make a big pancake," Monica replied finally and Sadie cheered. Chandler cleared his throat making his presence known. Both girls turned around to acknowledge him.
"What are you guys making?"
"Chocolate chip pancakes," Sadie answered. "Mommy makes the best. She even makes them into shapes."
"Does she?" Chandler asked. Sadie nodded happily.
"Why don't you go set the table sweet girl?" Monica suggested, and Sadie nodded and hopped off the stool and ran to the breakfast corner and began to place the plates that Monica had already set there in their proper place. Chandler came over to where she was standing.
"Is it okay that I stay for breakfast?" He asked wanting to make sure that he wasn't overstepping any boundaries.
"It's fine," she assured him. "It's ready. Why don't you go sit with Sadie?" He nodded and sat down next to his little girl who was telling him about her best friend Lauren.
"She's sometimes not nice to me," she told him. "But it's okay, cause you know what I told her? I told her that she was adopted, and she began to cry! So she's not mean anymore."
"Sadie!" Monica chastised. But Chandler just tried hard to suppress his laughter. His daughter was amazing. His daughter was funny. She was her mother.
"You know what?" Sadie spoke up again.
"Hmm?" Monica finished cutting up Sadie's pancakes.
"It's like we're a family, a true family," she said.
"Excuse me," Monica said and then ran from the room and locked the door behind her and began to sob.
I fall and stumble
flat on my face
I'm shamed and humble in disgrace
I am yours, if you are mine
I am yours, if you are mine
Chandler stood up and told Sadie to keep eating her breakfast and went after Monica.
"Mon?" He knocked on the door. "Please open it up." Finally he heard the lock click open and the door opened and she stood there her hair disheveled.
"I don't know what to do," she admitted. "Because I love you."
"But..." There was a but, there was always a but.
"I feel like I'm letting Matt down somehow. I don't want to say that I wish that you had always been around because then I would have never met Matt, and I don't want to say that it's a good thing that I didn't tell you about Sadie, because she's your daughter and look how much you missed out on! I don't know how to feel. I don't know which I should be happy about. What should I feel guilty about? I feel so confused." Chandler gathered her in his arms and held her there.
"You don't have to choose which one," he told her. "What happened happened. And it was supposed to happen that way. And it's okay, because I can get to know her now. And you and I....we needed to grow up. We needed that time apart." Tearfully, Monica nodded and leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him.
When voices call me to question my faith
when misperceptions taints my love with hate
I am yours, if you are mine
I am yours, if you are mine
"But what now?" Monica whispered into his ear.
"Now, we do whatever you want to do," he told her.
"Talk about pressure," she muttered.
"Do you love me?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to try us again?"
"Yes."
"The decision isn't that hard then, is it?" Chandler grinned at her as she pulled away slightly so that she could see his face.
"No," she said smiling. "I guess it isn't." She paused and studied his face.
"What?"
"I still need to take it slow."
"I can live with that."
"Okay."
"But Monica?"
"Yes?"
"Can I kiss you?" Laughing, she nodded.
"Please." And he leaned in and kissed her, and they ignored the giggles that came from the little girl who watched this all very happily.
When time decides,
it won't stop for me
When the hawks and vultures are circling
I am yours, if you are mine
I am yours, if you are mine
~Please, please review. I think that this may be the last chapter. Tell me what you think.~