A PLANK Story
By Laura McDaniel
Chapter II
A Day in the Park
A few days after their first encounter with Astrik Ed, Edd, and Eddy were walking through the park and discussing their latest plot.
"But, Eddy," Edd asked, "are you certain a do-it-yourself lemonade stand will work?"'
"Of course!" Eddy said. "Suckers love things like that! Making their own stuff makes them feel special!"
"I feel special!" Ed exclaimed. "I've got a pickle in my ear!"
Edd and Eddy turned around to see that Ed did indeed have a pickle stuck in his ear.
"Ed!" Eddy fumed. He yanked the pickle out of Ed's ear. "Pay attention!"
"Pay attention? All right. I'll pay attention, Eddy. I am paying attention to you!" Ed was so busy saying that he'd pay attention that he wasn't really paying attention! He tripped over a rock and knocked over his friends.
"Nice going, Ed!" Eddy exclaimed while he dusted himself off.
"Thank you!" Ed replied.
"What did you do, anyway?"
"I think he tripped over this rock," Edd replied, pointing to the rock that that Eddy had tripped over. It was a flat gray stone with neat cursive letters painted on it with purple paint. "And it's got something painted on it, too."
"Really? Does it say 'free jawbreakers?'" Eddy asked.
"No, it's a memorial," Edd replied. He read the purple writing aloud:
My Dear Würschten,
I am sorry I could not save you from being eaten. You were a good little hotdog.
Love,
*Astrik* Quichotte
"I'll say he was a good hotdog!" Ed burped.
Edd glared at Ed. Apparently, he still wasn't thrilled with the fact that Ed had eaten a girl's pet, even though it was a hotdog.
"Oh, yeah," Eddy said. "That's that freak we met the other day. Here's hoping she doesn't plan on visiting her 'pet's' remains any time soon."
"Oh, she's not here now," a familiar voice said, "but Plank says she's on her way."
Ed, Edd, and Eddy all turned around to see Jonny leaning against the tree, arms wrapped around Plank. He wasn't there just a second ago. "He is very creepy sometimes!" Ed said. "I think he is from another planet!"
"Well, if she's coming, we're going!" Eddy exclaimed. "Come on, let's go discuss our scam elsewhere..." He turned around, Ed trotting after him and Edd walking somewhat apprehensively behind.
"What's that, Plank?" Jonny asked, holding Plank up to his ear. Suddenly, he yelled, "Plank says that's no way to treat a grieving girl!"
"You know, Eddy," Edd said, stopping in his tracks. "Jonny does have a point, especially considering that one of us is responsible for Würstchen's...erm...passing. I say that if Astrik is coming, we should be here for her."
Eddy glared at Edd. "Well, I say the whole thing is stupid so..."
"Hi there, Astrik!" Jonny exclaimed before Eddy could finish what he was saying "What's that, Plank? Oh...Plank says, 'Hi!' too."
Astrik was walking into the park, looking somber. She carried what appeared to be a bouquet of ketchup packages. She sighed and said, "Hello, Jonny." Smiling slightly, she added, "Hello, Plank!" She knelt down next to the memorial and set the unusual bouquet next to it.
"Plank says that he hopes you're feeling better," Jonny said.
"Thanks, Plank," Astrik smiled. "May I hold him, Jonny?"
"What's that, Plank?" Jonny asked, holding the piece of wood up to his ear. "Oh, Plank says that you simply have to hold him." He stared at Plank and blinked, "That's a strange way to put it, Plank, but I won't question you."
"Me neither," Eddy muttered to Ed and Edd, "but I'll question the sanity of both Jonny and this Asterisk girl."
"Astrik," Edd corrected.
"Ampersand!" Ed burst out.
"What's up with those three?" Astrik whispered to Jonny and Plank.
Jonny replied, "Plank says that you shouldn't worry about it because they're just a trio of weirdoes."
All three of the Eds didn't quite seem to understand that logic. "Uh..."
"Well, anyway," Jonny said, holding Plank over Astrik's head, "Heeeeeeere's Plank!" He set Plank in Astrik's arms.
Overjoyed, Astrik lept to her feet. "What's that, Plank? Do you want to go on the slide? OK!"
She ran off towards the slide, cradling Plank close to her. Jonny looked surprised, but not particularly upset. "Boy, that's strange. They just met and she already understands him!"
Eddy slapped his forehead. "Jonny! You know she's just pretending to understand Plank, just like you. He doesn't really talk!"
"Now just a minute!" Jonny protested. "Just because you can't understand Plank doesn't mean he doesn't talk!"
"Even though I personally doubt Plank's vocal capabilities," Edd commented, "I have to side with Jonny on this one simply because there's no reason to spoil his fun."
"Fine, fine," Eddy grumbled. "But it's still weird. Hey, Jonny, how about we get closer so we can get a better look? Maybe hide behind that bush?"
"Isn't that spying, Eddy?" Jonny asked.
"Maybe. But think of it as keeping an eye on Plank. You don't want anything bad to happen to him, do you?"
"Well...I guess you're right. Plank can be pretty sensitive."
"Great! Let's go!" He whispered to Ed and Edd, "To think we get to watch a freak show for free!"
"I really don't think this is morally correct," Edd lamented while they hid behind the bush next to the slide.
Ed commented, "Neither is making people fall into sand traps, but The Bogey Man did it anyway."
"Enough said."
"Shh, get down!" Eddy commanded. Then, he, Ed, Edd, and Jonny ducked behind the bush.
Astrik eagerly ran up the steps to the slide. "What's that, Plank? You want me to go first? OK!" She laid him down over the slide and then slid down. "Wheeee!" She looked up and yelled, "Come on, Plank! Your turn!"
Plank didn't move.
"Aww, Plank, do you need a push?"
No answer.
"OK!" Astrik replied to the silence. She ran up the slide and pushed Plank down. "Wasn't that fun, Plank?"
His cheerful smile let Astrik know exactly how he felt.
"I'm goin' again, Plank! Move out of the way!"
Plank didn't move, but Astrik slid anyway. "Wheeeee! Ouch!" She landed right on him. She picked him up and scolded, "Plank, I told you to move. Are you OK?"
Ed, Edd, and Eddy laughed, but Jonny didn't look amused.
"What if she hurt him?" Jonny asked.
"He's still smiling, Jonny," Ed replied.
"I guess you're right. But if she does something like that again, she'll be sorry!"
Oblivious to the fact that she was being watched, Astrik asked, "What do you want to do now, Plank?"
No answer.
"Come on, Plank!"
Still nothing. He just remained there, flat on his back and staring at the sky.
"Oh, I get it! You want to just lie there and look at the clouds. That's fun!" She laid next to Plank and they stared up at the sky. "What do you think that cloud looks like, Plank?" She waited for Plank to answer and then said, "Ah, you think it looks like a tree? Well...I think it looks like a big, fluffy heart." She sighed lovingly.
Eddy laughed, "How pathetic!"
Astrik propped Plank up with an arm. "You know, Plank, I really like being here with you. When I look into your eyes, all my problems melt away." She held him close to her and shut her eyes.
"Oh dear," Edd said, "strange as it is, I think that Astrik has...feelings for Plank."
"I have feelings, too, Double D," Ed said. "They're on my head, 'cause I am a giant grasshopper from the planet Zarf!"
"I said feelings, Ed. Not feelers. Besides, 'antennae' is the proper term for what you were trying to say. What I mean that I think that Astrik might love Plank."
"You think she loves Plank?" Jonny gasped. "But Plank's my best friend!"
"That doesn't mean that somebody else can't fall in love with him, Jonny," Edd replied, "even though falling in love with a piece of wood would be a most unusual thing to do..."
"Aw, I don't believe it," Jonny said. "She's not in love with Plank. She just likes him...a lot."
"An awful lot!" Eddy laughed.
Astrik sighed, and in a voice to quiet for her observers to hear, she said, "I feel like I could tell you anything, Plank, even my darkest secrets...How about I tell you one now?" She leaned in close to whisper to Plank.
"Don't look now, Jonny, but I think she's about to kiss him!" Eddy said. He chuckled, "I could charge money to see this! Just imagine how many people would want to see the amazing wood-kissing girl!"
"WHAT?" Jonny gasped. "No, it can't be!" Since he was unable to hear what Astrik had said, from where he stood, it did kind of look like Astrik was about to kiss Plank. "This is insane!" he said. "I've got to stop it!"
"I don't know, Jonny," Edd said, "true love is a difficult force to stop."
"But this isn't true love!" Jonny shouted back.
He walked over to where Plank and Astrik were sitting and picked up his friend, interrupting Astrik's whispering. "I'm sorry, " Jonny said, "but I have to take Plank home to...give him another coat of sealant."
"Oh...OK. Well...good bye, you two," Astrik said, standing up again. "I hope to see you again some time, Plank!"
"Not if I can help it," Jonny muttered. "What's that, Plank? What do you mean I can't help it?"