A PLANK Story
By Laura McDaniel (*Astrik*)
Chapter III:
Tension
Astrik hated to see Plank go. She'd only met him twice, but she couldn't remove him from her thoughts or her heart. It seemed that fate had allowed their paths to cross and it was their destiny to be together. But what about Jonny? Astrik didn't like conflict even if it was brought about because of true love.
True love.
Astrik couldn't believe she was thinking of such a thing already. She was certainly getting ahead of herself. She was all ready thinking about having little splinters with Plank. "Plank's just a friend. That's all," she said to herself. She sighed and shook her head, making the bells on her coxcomb ring. She knelt down next to her memorial to Wörschten in order to pick up her basket. She glanced at the stone and gently rubbed its smooth surface. "Well, Würstchen, even if I am getting ahead of myself, things are certainly looking up. Still, I'm really sorry about what happened to you. I was hoping you'd live long enough to grow mold." As she grabbed her basket handle, she said, "Well, there's no reason for me to stick around anymore." Then quietly stood up and walked out of the park, the bells on her coxcomb ringing softly.
"What a moron!" Eddy exclaimed as he watched her go.
"As much as I detest the way you continue to insult Astrik, I must concur that there is something unusual about the way her mind functions," Edd said.
"But my brain is completely normal!" Ed burst out.
"Oh, yeah, giant pickles from Mars are completely normal!" Eddy sarcastically responded.
"Of course they are, Eddy! They come after us in the night!"
Edd, who seemed completely oblivious to the Ed-inspired nonsense going on around him said, "And poor Jonny. I don't think he knows how to handle Astrik's affections for Plank."
"Yeah, yeah, poor Jonny," Eddy said, rolling his eyes. Suddenly, Eddy's conniving mind hatched an idea and his eyes took on a rather wild look. "Wait...Poor Jonny!"
"I don't like it when you've got that look, Eddy. Whatever it is you're planning, I don't want to be involved."
"Oh, Double D! You've got me all wrong this time!" Eddy said, pretending he was on the verge of tears. "I only wish to preserve the harmony in Plank and Jonny's relationship!"
Though it appeared that Edd was actually somewhat touched by Eddy's display, he managed to maintain control of his emotions and keep them from overpowering his logic. "That sounds very noble of you, Eddy, but exactly how do you plan on doing that?"
"I'm not telling you because you obviously don't trust me," Eddy mockingly replied.
"But Eddy, I didn't mean to..."
"It's too late to apologize, Double D. You're just going to have to sit back and watch the master at work!" He grinned slyly at Edd and then slicked his hair back with one of his hands. Even though his hair popped back up immediately after, Eddy felt confident enough to leave the park and start walking to Jonny's house.
"How did he do that?" Edd lamented. "I didn't even have the chance to come up with a well-formulated argument!"
"Are you two coming?" Eddy called back.
"Do we have a choice?" Edd asked as he trotted after Eddy followed by Ed who started running in that backwards way he does.
"Cue asterisks indicating a change of setting!" Ed blabbed.
Jonny angrily stormed home. When he got to his door, he shot a sharp glance at Plank. "What do you mean 'Why are you mad?' It should be pretty obvious! The way you acted was disgraceful!"
He waited for Plank to answer.
"I shouldn't have to elaborate! You completely abandoned me for that crazy girl!"
Plank was confused.
"You know darn well what I'm talking about! I saw the way you were looking at her!" He slammed Plank on the porch so that he was flat on his back, staring up at the sky. "Hmph!" Jonny scowled. He sat down on the porch a few spaces away from Plank and crossed his arms haughtily. He turned his nose up to make sure Plank was quite aware of his disgust. Though for the most part, he avoided eye contact with Plank, every so often, Jonny would look down at him to see if he was upset as he should be. "There's nothing to smile about!" Jonny growled, flipping Plank over so he was face down.
From across the street, Eddy was watching the scene through a pair of binoculars. "This is better than I expected!" he laughed. "Jonny is furious with Plank!"
"And how is that a good thing?" Edd asked.
"Never question a genius at work," Eddy replied, tossing the binoculars aside. He grinned and slicked his hair back with one of his hands, not seeming to notice that his hair immediately bounced back into place. "Just let me do the talking," he said. Then, he casually started across the street followed by Ed and Edd.
When the Eds approached him, Jonny was staring frustrated at the sidewalk. "Greetings, Jonny!" Eddy said.
Jonny was so startled that he immediately jumped to his feet. "No, sir, I'm not going to war!" With a crazed look in his eyes, he grabbed the collar of Edd's shirt and violently shook him. "You can't make me!"
"Jonny, it's just us!" Edd exclaimed.
"What?" Suddenly coming back to reality, Jonny let go of Edd and slowly backed away. "Oh, sorry, Edd. I don't know what came over me."
"Don't worry," Ed said, patting Jonny on the back. "Everyone experiences alien mind control at some point of their lives."
Jonny just blinked.
Deciding to ignore the interruption, Eddy walked over to the porch and propped Plank up. "It looks like you got into a fight with Plank."
"It really wasn't a fight," Jonny said. "I'm just upset at Plank because he spent too much time with that Astrik girl. He hardly paid any attention to me and he's supposed to be my best friend!"
Before Eddy could pitch his plan, Edd tried to give Jonny some logical advice. "Well, Jonny sometimes, relationships change. You should take Plank's feelings into consideration and..."
"Don't listen to him, Jonny!" Eddy snapped, interrupting Edd. "There's no reason you should put up with this. "Your best friend is supposed to stand by you no matter what and not abandon you for some random weirdo. And if Plank doesn't realize that, you need to take matters into your own hands."
"How do I do that?" Jonny asked.
Eddy grinned. "By removing Astrik from the picture."
"By zapping her with a laser gun?" Ed asked.
"Something like that!"
"Eddy, you can't be serious!" Edd protested.
"Well, maybe I won't use a laser gun, but it will be that effective." Leaning in closer to Jonny, he added, "But you won't know what I've got in mind unless you pay my fee."
Jonny didn't like the sound of that, but the thought of losing Plank was painful. He looked at Plank's blank, reassuring smile and then to Eddy's money-hungry grin. "How much do you want?" Jonny asked, sounding somewhat apprehensive.
"Let's go inside and discuss it," Eddy replied, handing Plank to Jonny.
"Well...OK..." Jonny said, looking down at Plank. "Let's go!" He opened his front door and held it open for the Eds. Eddy confidently strode in and Ed followed close behind.
Edd, on the other hand, had second thoughts. "Eddy, I don't like the sound of this!" he exclaimed.
"Quit your complaining, sock head!" Eddy called back. He grabbed Edd's arm and dragged him inside.
Jonny scratched his head in confusion, but decided not to say anything. Instead, he just walked in after the Eds and shut the door.