Here is the next chapter. Once again, it's a bit short, but I decided to put it up anyhow. It was very hard to write…sad, I thought. I wonder if you'll feel the same. Let me know what you think.
To Arabwel, Aquila, Catspaw0913, Crazefanficboi, Raelli, and Silverwolf, thanks again! Azurielle
They were waiting for us in a sitting room in Sunstar house that I cannot recall ever having seen. The rooms décor was quite fancy…which could explain, why, if I had ever seen, it held no interest for me.
I suppose they had known we were coming, seeing as Mallorn had known. I can only assume that someone had used a scrying to device to determine when our arrival would be. Which makes me hope that they weren't scrying on us too often, or they might have seen something that I personally think no parent should have to witness: their child have sex.
Liralyn was with them, and it looked as though someone had just served tea. I don't really care for tea…don't really care for drinking any liquid that is hot for that matter. It would be like drinking bathwater, or something.
My mother was seated on a couch and my father was standing just behind her, his fingers drumming a rhythm out against the back of the couch: a sure sign that he was angry.
Two people, who must have been Rose's grandparents were seated just across from my mother. Her grandfather had silver hair, and was wearing arcane styled robes. Her grandmother had black hair, and also had on wizard's robe, although hers were slightly less ornate than his. Neither of them looked to be any older than my parents…but my parents hardly look much older than Rose and I. That is the problem with the people: you can never tell how old any of us are just by looking. Still, with Rose's Grandfather, at least, I knew he had to posses numerous centuries, for I can vaguely recall seeing him at court once. Back then, though he still had some strands of blue in his hair…now it was all silver…a sure sign of a venerated age. I couldn't, however, remember wither f their names. I have never been good at keeping track of the nobility, though.
As we walked in, I grabbed Rose's hand and gently squeezed her fingers, trying to be reassuring. They could yell all they want but there was no way they could undo our marriage now. Still, I knew from her thoughts and from her own words that family was important to Rose, and I hoped for her sake that our families would get over their anger quickly.
As soon as we got a few feet into the room, I stopped standing there with Rose at my side, feeling defiant and nervous at the same time.
Before they had a chance to say anything, I focused on my parents and stated,
"Mother, Father, I would like you to meet my wife, Rosealliele." For a moment I could have sworn that there was a smile in my mother's eyes, but it was gone so quickly I wondered if I had merely imagined it. Naturally my father was the first one to say anything.
"Keledrial…son…I'm going to ask you something and I want to know the truth. Do you ever think before you decide on a course of action? Or did your years on Ruathym warp you so much that you think the rules do not apply to you?" he asked through gritted teeth, his tone deceivingly mild.
"Of course I thought about what I was doing…I married a woman that I love," I replied, planning to elaborate, as I had done in my letter. I was not given the chance.
"A woman you love? You don't even know her!" My father snapped at me. "Do you have any idea of the trouble the two of you have caused with your irresponsible actions? Do you? Loreleiana's parents are furious, not to mention the Amarillis family! "
"I don't care!" I interrupted, my voice rising as my temper rose. It always happens thusly when my father and I argue.
"I don't give a damn about Loreleiana or Evyth Amarillis or their families! I never would have married her…never! She despises me and I assure you that the feeling is mutual!" At that point Rose's grandmother spoke, her tone very like my father's at the moment.
"While I may be able to comprehend your desire to avoid a union with someone you dislike, was it necessary to drag Rosealliele into all this?"
"Grandma, it wasn't like that at all," Rose protested.
"Be quiet Rose," her grandmother interrupted her. "Honestly, didn't I say that allowing you to come here was a terrible idea? Far too naïve, I said. And just look! Not even here a year and you run off and wed the first male who smiled at you!" Even as Rose's grandmother was berating her, my father was yelling at me.
"You've gone too far this time, Keledrial! Seducing another man's betrothed…"
"It wouldn't be the first time," I interjected, sarcastically. My father's face turned an interesting shade of dark blue for a moment.
"That's it! I don't know why I ever thought that sending you here was a good idea! You're coming back to Evermeet with us…at least there I can keep an eye on you!"
"Like you did such a good job of that before!" I shouted, our voices overriding the argument ongoing between Rose and her Grandmother, such that I could not make out what either of them were saying, even though Rose was right next to me.
It might have gone on much longer, with more and more hurtful things being hurled back and forth but at very nearly the same moment, both my mother and Rose's grandfather's voices rose, loud enough to be heard over the yelling.
"Enough!" Rose's grandfather stated.
"Valorian, Keledrial stop it!" my mother ordered. We stopped. Mother just has that sort of effect.
"Now then, I don't think that anything is going to be accomplished here with vulgar yelling and insults," Rose's grandfather continued.
"Rosealliele, love, I want you to explain to me your reasons and then Keledrial…calmly," his voice was the sort that could be both quiet and commanding all at once.
"I love him, "Rose told her grandfather. "I've loved him since we were children. I only agreed to wed Evyth because I thought it would make you and Grandma happy…and because I gave up hope that Keledrial was ever coming back." Her Grandmother looked as though she wanted to say something, but her Grandfather held up his hand and she remained silenced.
" Keledrial?" He turned to look at me.
"I love her. I never wanted any woman as much as I wanted Rose. And I never trusted any woman as I trust her. And I'm sorry that all of you are angry, but it won't change anything. We're wed. I will never give Rose up. And if I am to be disowned, then so be it," I tried to put a sense of finality into my tone, hoping that the protests would cease. Still, I had one more thing to add.
"Mother, you and father love each other…and Brander and Ingrid did too. I would never have married for less, vows or contracts notwithstanding. And if love is not a good enough reason for all of you, than I would rather be Ruathym than an elf." Mother sighed.
"I think you've made your point, dear. I just wish that you both would've spoken with us about this first. We have always tried to think of your happiness first. Did you really think we wouldn't understand?" She sounded a bit sad…disappointed I guess. Strange how my mother's calm disappointment can me feel a thousand times worse than my father's worst rage.
I sent a pointed look directly at my father, and replied.
"Yes." My father opened his mouth once…closed it and then, to my utter shock, he laughed.
"Gods…that the day should have come that my voice should be to you as my mother's was to me," he shook his head. I must have looked confused for my father sought to explain.
"When I was about a century older than you are now my mother told me that it was high time I got married. She had arranged my marriage when I was younger than you are now with Saelihn's father. And when she told me, I spent the next hundred years avoiding your mother, determined that I would never wed. And then I met your mother, just before I was to have wed "the damned Nightstar girl," as I used to say. I fell in love with her from the first, never knowing who she was. I told my mother and she said she didn't care if I was in love or insane, that I would marry the woman she had chosen for me, or else. So I did, having made up my mind that I would be miserable, but that at least I would have done my duty. Needless to say I quite surprised when I finally met my bride," my father finished his little story, laying his hand on my mother's shoulder. I could easily believe that my Grandmother was as he'd described…after all, I believe it was she who had aided my parents in arranging my own betrothal.
"So as a husband, I guess I can understand why you did what you felt you had to do…but as father, I still you are far too impulsive…and one of these days its going to get you into trouble that you won't be able to easily escape," my father continued. I suppose he was right in a way. I am too impulsive…and I do tend to do things without thinking about them first…but no one and nothing could convince me that I had made a mistake here.
The talking went on, much calmer and less tense. I go the feeling, by the time we had talked the subject out, that while none of them entirely approved of the way Rose and I done things, neither were there going to disown or punish us for being in love.
Once we got past that point, conversation and the entire atmosphere seemed to be entirely more pleasant. My parents and Rose's Grandparents, Solisila and Baelwyn, seemed to have dozens of questions for the both of us. They wanted us to go back to Evermeet and have a formal court wedding, for one. I was set to agree, for Rose's sake anyhow, when Rose surprised me by refusing. She said that both she and I had duties as teachers, and that perhaps next summer, when the students were off, we would think about it. With the previous summer break having just gone by not to long ago, and the students only having been back a few months, I could understand why she did not wish to leave now.
At some point Sera made her appearance and promptly demanded to be the center of attention. My parents were used to her behavior, and indeed, they tend to encourage her by giving Sera exactly what she wants. It doesn't matter how often I have tried to dissuade them from such actions…they both claimed that spoiling Sera is their right as Grandparents.
Rose's Grandparents seemed to handle things fairly well, all things considered. They had, after all just gained a silver dragon for a great-granddaughter, and Sera wasted no time in showing her affection for these new family members.
Sera focused mostly on Rose however, using the words "my mother" as often as she possibly could. Rose had a smile on her face, but I couldn't help wonder what she was thinking about Sera. After all, I can hardly imagine anyone being prepared to be a parent so suddenly…especially a parent to a silver dragon. After a bit, Sera begged and pleaded with Rose to go with her so that Sera could show all her friends her new mother. Sera gave Rose little choice but to agree. Rose Grandparents decided to walk with them as well. As he was exiting the room, her grandfather pulled me aside. His expression was mild and rather pleasant, as was his tone.
"I am well aware of reputation," he stated. "And if you do anything to hurt my granddaughter, I swear they'll never find the body," he threatened. Before I could do more than gape like a beached fish, he continued on after his wife and mine. And he seemed like such an even-tempered sort!
While waiting for Sea and the others to come back, my parents requested that I give them a tour of the school. I obliged them quite willingly, glad that things had not gone quite as poorly as they might have. They told me all about what was going on in Evermeet…which was a great sum of not very much. The court and all the people within in it were much the same, although my father told me that there was a rumor making the rounds that had a startling ring of truth to it. He said that he'd heard that Prince Lamruil had been heard from…that the Prince had accomplished whatever mission the Queen had sent him on, but that he had wed a human at some point. I was surprised, but not as much as I should have been. After all, from what I recall of Lamruil, that would have been just the sort of thing he would have done. He had always been a trouble maker, and liked to do things that would raise the most eyebrows…including adventuring when he was barely out of his third decade, and playing the most hair-raising pranks he could think of.
My father added that he'd heard rumors as to what the Prince's mission was, and only knew for certain that it had something to do with trying to restore high magic, which had been all but lost during the attack on Evermeet, with most of the high mages left in the world dead at the towers. I told my father to try to find out more if he could. After all, one day my duties here in Everall would be over. And I happen to believe that high magic is a very important facet of elven history that should not be lost, if possible. And as I am one of the few high mage students left from the tower that did not die, it is within in me to help…although it will take decades of renewed study on my part to do so.
They talked about what was going on with the rest of my family. According to them, my little sisters…who I am forced to admit are not quite as little as I like to think, have both begun their schooling. Amentrine has decided she wishes to be a bard, like our father, while Anarihne wishes to become a priestess of Sehanine. Sylthas' sister was also thinking of becoming a priestess, while Sylthas, who has been training for years to be a warrior in Evermeet's army, was recently accepted into the ranks of the griffin riders for training. Good for him. For my part, I prefer my feet on the ground.
Kedriel, they finally added, was being a nightmare. My little brother has spoken of nothing but coming to Everall to go to school, so that he could be with me. I honestly can't say that I think it is a good idea that Kedriel has so got his heart set on following in my footsteps…especially considering the frequency in which I manage to find myself in one sort of trouble after another. Still, I got the feeling that my parents are actually considering sending him to Everall when he gets older…hence their interest in getting a tour around the school had more motive behind than merely seeing the place where I worked.
My parents and Rose's Grandparents ending up staying for a few more days, after which they claimed that they had to return to Evermeet and try to clean up some of the mess that our wedding had caused. Although I knew I would miss them, in some way I was also glad to see them go. After all, it is rather hard to have sex with one's wife, knowing that your parents are in the next room over.
Once they were gone, things got back to normal fairly quickly. Or as normal as things an get in Everall. Liralyn informed us that it would make more sense for Rose to move into the house with Sera and I rather than the other way around, seeing as Rose's apartments in the teachers dormitory were rather small.
The very first day back teaching I got little to nothing accomplished, as all my students had a thousand questions they wanted answered…not that I answered all them, mind you.
Following the students, then my fellow teachers had a thousand more questions. Bran, of course, was the most vocal and wanted all of the details…which I refused to give him. Still, I found out that they had actually been betting on this and that Tully had won, coming the closest to how long it would take for Rose and I to "reconcile." They wouldn't tell me how much he'd won, though.
I find that the routine here had become familiar, and comforting. The camaraderie is something I never really had before…and I like it. And knowing that when school is done for the day, I won't be alone when I go home…that is something that it hasn't taken any time at all to get used to. Zelairwyn is behaving. Sera is behaving. None of my students are causing me any problems. I daresay that my life, at this moment, is better than it has ever been.
Six months, and I have not had reason to write, for it has been six months of my life where things have been calm. The winter was mild, and the spring came quickly. I don't think I have ever been so happy as I have been this past six months. And now this. I don't know what to do.
With the passing of the winter into spring, and spring moving closer towards summer, Tobias stopped by at the school, carrying with him a letter…a return response to a question I had had him ask. It is something that, in my heart, I never wanted a response to. When Tobias gave me the letter with a smile on his face, but a gleam of…worry in his eyes. I knew that it could not be good. When I read the words written on the thick piece of parchment, my heart sank as stone thrown to the sea's depths. It read thusly:
Greetings Lord Nightstar of Evermeet,
It has been brought to attention that you have been making inquiries concerning the identity of the female silver dragon of the Sword mountains, who died in the year 1371. The name of that dragon was Darshaenalaxis. It has also been made known to me that you seek the whereabouts of that dragon's mate. The name of Darshaenalaxis' mate is Vaerosanarisyn, and he can be found in the city of Neverwinter. Further, the dragon known as Vaerosanarisyn has heard of Lord Nightstar, one of the adventurers of Waterdeep who slew the red dragon that slew his mate, and he wishes to why it is you are searching for him.
Vaerosanarisyn of Neverwinter
It was a letter I never wanted to get. Though I had sent the inquires, I guess that somewhere deep inside, I never, ever wanted an answer to it. And yet here was the answer, and worse. The dragon…Sera's real father knew my name and where I am from. Knowing that, he could easily discern where I live now.
In a vain hope, I asked Tobias if he knew for certain that this letter was not a hoax, or some sort of trick. He shook his head, telling me that there was no mistake; that he done a great deal of asking around before he even considered delivering the letter. It was the truth.
And so I am now faced with the worst sort of dilemma: now what do I do?
The decision over what to do with the information in the letter has occupied my every thought for a ten-day now, with me never getting any closer to making a choice over what I should do with it. In the end, however, the decision was made for me…in a manner of speaking.
I think that I can say with surety that the day it happened is certainly among the worst days of my life…and most of it was my own doing. It happened two days ago, and it has taken me this long to find enough calmness to write down any of this.
Sera had been badgering me all throughout lunch….not a new thing, but my mind has been so preoccupied with the letter I wasn't paying much attention to her…or to Rose, who was eating with us. Finally, I managed to focus on what she was saying.
"So can I?" Sera asked me.
"Can you what?" I responded. She crossed her little arms in frustration.
"Can I go with Rina during break?" She was referring to the summer break that was not far off.
"Go with Rina where?" She gave me a look that insinuated that she not happy that I hadn't been paying attention and that she had to repeat herself.
"To Sundabar," she said.
"Why is Rina going to Sundabar?" I asked.
"Because that's where her family lives!" Sera exclaimed in a tone of voice that suggested I was being an idiot. I didn't really care for that tone of voice.
"And your family lives here and in Evermeet. Why do you want to visit Rina's family?"
"Because Rina said she'll show me all around Sundabar and stuff!" I thought about it for all of three seconds. Sera, alone in a city full of dwarves. Don't get me wrong, I'm certain that Rina's parents are nice enough people, but I'm not about to trust people I've never even met with my daughter. My wife, I noticed wasn't saying anything, but then she tended to not get involved in too many arguments between Sera and I. Even though Sera has treated Rose as a mother from the very first, I think Rose it a bit nervous about actually taking on the authority that goes with the title.
"I don't think it's a good idea, Sera," I told her.
"Why not?" she demanded.
"Because I don't know Rina's parents, and I don't want you going to Sundabar," I stated.
"But I want to go!" she stamped her foot on the ground.
"Well you're not going," was my reply.
"But why not?" she tried again. Annoyed, I told her, with finality,
"Because I am you're father, and I said so!" Her face flushed with anger. Sera hates not getting her way. My fault, I suppose, for indulging her. Still, what she said next had to be the worst combination of words I have yet to hear. Even though they were said in anger, each one cut through me like a razor, for it was something I never thought to hear Sera say.
"You're not my real father anyway!" She shrieked. The blood drained from my face in an instant, the rushing of it so fierce that I could scarcely hear my wife's startled gasp. In a dismayed tone, Rose finally spoke.
"Oh Sera! You don't mean that," she exclaimed.
"I do! He isn't my real father!" Sera repeated, still in a fury. The words were no easier to hear the second time than they were the first.
"I'm a dragon! He's just the elf who hatched me! He never lets me do anything! He's mean! An' everyone is afraid of him! He doesn't love anyone! And I hate him!" Sera yelled.
My mind was stunned for a long, terrible moment. I wanted to defend myself, to deny what she'd said, to shake her and make her take it back. I suppose that I should have prepared myself for such an inevitable eventuality, but I guess I thought that I would be such a great father that Sera would never have a reason to say anything like that.
As with all such events in my life, however, I was wrong.
At that moment, I should've told her that she could go to Sundabar with Rina. I should've hugged her and said I was her father no matter what. I should've done or said something…anything but what I did. Yet in that bleak moment my fist clenched in my pocket, crumply parchment…the tiny scrap of words that had caused my behavior to be so distant the past few days.
I pulled the letter out, smoothing the wrinkles and staring at the words written there once more. Rose was still trying to reason with Sera but getting nowhere fast.
Pain still numbed by shock, I handed the paper to Sera, my hand shaking.
"You're right," I stood up, my tone flat. "I am not your father. I'll contact him on the morrow that he might come and take you away from me and all that you so despise in me." Without another word, I strode away from the table, leaving Sera, Rose, and all the other people who had been sitting near enough to hear us, in stunned silence.
I walked until I was well out of their sight, pausing to stop only once I had gotten outside the school walls. I leaned up against the outer wall, forcing myself to breathe in deeply. The soft sound of footsteps approached as my mind reeled.
"Oh Keledrial," I heard my wife's voice say. "She didn't mean it. She's just angry that she wasn't getting her way."
"What would you know about it?" I snapped. "Nothing! You don't have children. You've never had to spend every waking moment watching them knowing that their lives are in your hands, and every mistake you make might be the one that ruins them. You don't know a damned thing! " I should've stopped there…indeed, I should never have said that at all to her. Rose didn't deserve my ire…even Sera didn't. But I think that when I get that angry, that upset, my brain stops working and my mouth just runs without guidance.
"Besides, weren't you the one who said you could never love someone like me?" I added, bitterly.
"You know I didn't mean…" she began to protest.
"Didn't mean it? Only used it as an excuse to drive me away? If I were the sort of person I should be, you'd never have wanted to drive me away. Sera's right. I'm not her father…"
"Yes, you are!" I continued as though she'd not interrupted me.
"…but because I love her, I will give her back to the one who is. Besides what could a stupid elf like me possibly know about raising a dragon? She'll be happier with her own kind."
"Keledrial, she was angry! She didn't mean any of it! Please! Don't do this!" Rose pleaded. I looked up at her at last, and I forced coldness into my green eyes. I was so certain that I was doing what must be done…the right thing.
"It's done," I stated with finality. Rose reached out to touch me, to say something else. I jerked away before she could, wouldn't let her touch me. I didn't want her sympathy and for the first time in nearly a year, I didn't want her company.
So I ran.
My feet carried me deep into the forest, fueled by my desire to outrun Sera's words. Had I truly been wrong in forbidding her to go to Sundabar, I wondered? I had only wanted her to be safe. Her damning words echoed through my mind even as my thoughts focused on the dragon I had always thought of as my daughter. I thought of the day she'd hatched, and of all the days that followed, when I was too frightened to even sleep for fear that something bad would befall her. I thought of how the thought of her had kept me from going to Arvayndyr during my worst days back on Evermeet. I thought of how much she had changed in just the short time we'd been at Everall, from being a little girl to whom I was the most important person in her life, to a child who acted and sounded far older, who'd become far too independent for my liking.
And I wondered why it is that I always seem to ruin the things I most care about?
So I wrote the letter and sent it. It was the right thing to do I told myself. After all, he was her real father…the last he had of his mate. He deserved to know. How would I feel if someone took my child and raised it, all the while knowing I was alive? I didn't know, but I had a feeling it would not be long before I was to find out.
Rose isn't speaking to me. Neither is Sera. Liralyn tried to talk with me, but I told her that if she could betray the man she knew she loved so easily, that I didn't feel I needed any advice from her. Now she isn't speaking with me either. Even my friends have been tiptoeing around me. I think Bran meant to say something, but seemed to think better of it when I glared at him…and he shut his mouth just as quickly.
How easily I've managed to ruin my life…and in only two days time!
I don't know how the message reached Sera's father so quickly…or how he managed to send a response back by the end of the second week…magic I suppose. He's coming to get Sera.
I can't say that I recall much of what has been happening lately. I teach my classes with as few words as possible, giving the students once assignment after the other so that they won't ask questions. In my free time I work at the forge, falling back on old habits I suppose. It's so quiet but for the clanging of the hammer…I find I almost miss Airk's voice. At least I would have had someone to talk to then, seeing as there is no one else. But I suppose it's my own fault. I haven't even spoken to Rose. I think that she and Sera have been staying down at the school dormitories. Sanhandrian is keeping an eye on them. At least my familiar is too simple-minded to be judgmental about this. He doesn't really understand what is going on, but then he is just a squirrel, after all.
Everyday I keep thinking that I should go find them, beg forgiveness. But what would it change? Sera is still going. The truth is I have no right to her, and short of slaying her father, I never will. No, I have walked into a grave of my own making and now I must lie in it. But once she's gone…I can't think how I will ever find the strength to get up again.
He arrived today, the dragon Vaerosanarisyn. He looked human, but then I hardly expected him to walk into the school as a dragon. In his human form he had short blond hair, and silver eyes and was nearly as tall as I am. He was polite, his tone neutral as his shook my hand and introduced himself.
"So you are the elf who has been raising my daughter?" he asked. I nodded, uncertain of what purpose he'd asked the question to.
"You can't know what a shock your letter came as," he said, with a faint smile. I thought to myself that it was probably as much of a shock as his had been to me.
"I can't help wondering, though, why did you bother? I assumed that all of the eggs of my mate's last clutch had been destroyed. I would never had known had you not sent the letter."
"It was the right thing to do," I stated, dully.
"I have many children," he told me. "I cannot imagine giving one of them away to someone else." I wasn't sure why he saying that. I didn't want to talk with him. We weren't friends and I didn't want to be. He would be taking my child away. I just wanted to get it over with.
"Look, you came to take Sera, so take her. I would never have told you about her if I didn't think she would be happier with her own kind," I said, allowing a little of my bitterness to seep out in my tone, despite my best attempts. I said it…but I didn't think it. I didn't feel it. I had had time to think about what I had done. Time to regret it. And though it might be true that Sera should be raised by her own draconic father, I selfishly wanted to keep her. I wanted to tell him that he should go, that she would be happier with me. But I didn't say it. Sera had said she hated me. Maybe she didn't mean it, just as I hadn't truly mean it when I told my parents I hated them. But then again, my parents had truly been mine…Sera belonged to her real father.
The dragon who looked like a human stopped smiling, and sighed.
"Gods that I should be put in this position," he muttered. "Very well then. Take me to my child…Sera is it?"
"Kaithseraly," I corrected.
"Kaithseraly, then."
I took him to where Sera was waiting. I gathered that Rose had helped her pack all of her things. Sanhandrian had shown me the image he'd seen: of Sera and Rose crying while they put her things into bags, put Sera's cat Pixie into her holder. I didn't think my heart could break anymore than it already was, though, so I tried not to think of it.
I didn't hear much of what was said after I introduced Sera to her father. I turned all my thoughts and focus inwards trying my damnedest not to scream or cry. It wasn't fair. And I had no once but myself to blame for it. Then they were moving to leave. For a moment I wondered if Sera would go without saying goodbye, but at the last moment, she ran back and hugged me.
"Please don't make me go, Daddy…please!" she pleaded in a whisper. "I love you! I didn't mean it! Please! I want to stay with you and Rose! I don't want to go with him!" She was crying, her fingers digging into my skin. My knees went out, but I made it look as though I dropped to them so that I would be level with Sera.
"Sera, he's your father. You belong to him. And if I had been a good person I would have given you to him the moment I found you," I told her, my voice barely above a whisper. I don't know how I managed to sound so calm. Inside I was dying.
"Just remember that I always loved you," I told he, as I disentangled her arms from my tunic. This had to end…they had to leave before I broke down completely. Why in the name of the Gods had I done this?!
Sera looked up at me, her eyes full of anger and tears.
"I don't belong to anyone! I'm not a thing! And you are good! You saved me! If you love me you won't make me go!" She cried.
"It's because I love you that you're going," was the last thing I said to her. I looked over to Vaerosanarisyn, my teeth grinding together so much I swear they were about to crack.
"Take her now, or never!" I told him. I heard him tell Sera it was time to go. I heard Sera protest she didn't want to go. I heard Rose crying. Then they were gone. I wanted to die.
I started drinking…everything I could get my hands on to try to numb the pain. I might as well have torn my heart from chest, it was that bad. The alcohol helped…but even with all I drank it wasn't enough to make me forget. I had given my daughter away. I'd worn I'd fight anyone who'd tried to take her away, but it was I who'd done it. If I could have gone to Arvandyr then and there, I would've done it…but even in that I am too cowardly. So I drink and I write, and maybe someday, I'll forget.
The night she left was the first time I had the dream. I could not find reverie…and wonder if I ever will again. Rose was beside me. She had returned to our room, but I took little comfort, for she had cried until she was too weary to stay awake. She couldn't understand why I had done it. I can't even understand it, for now that it is done and she's gone, all my reasons seem hollow and false.
I closed my eyes after a while, weary of looking at the ceiling. I don't know how I fell asleep…into the sleep of humans, but I did. And when I did, I began to dream.
In the theater of my mind, I was back in Ruathym, standing near the well in my village, Rylonar. I could hear voices coming from the darkness, though I did not understand what they said. The village was empty of life for a moment, and then in a blink of eternity it was brimming with people. Villagers I had known, warriors and craftsmen, women and children, all going about their business. For a moment it seemed as though I was invisible, and then a warrior I remembered, Ingvar, called out to me,
"Airk! Hurry! We need you!" He seemed friendly, his face smiling at me in camaraderie that he had never shown in reality. It made me feel good. It made me feel the acceptance that I had once craved. Another warrior called out, and then a girl I knew from the tavern. They all called out, one by one, calling me Airk, saying they needed me. And when I looked down, at my hands, they were no longer mine, but Airk's...sun-browned…human hands. Then the scene changed, and the streets of Rylonar ran red with blood, bodies scattered everywhere. And I looked north and could see fires burning, could see all the way to Ruathym city, where the First Axe was with his head on a pike with the rest of the town in red-hued ashes. And I knew that I had to go back
Then I awoke. I was morning. The sun shone in through drapes I had not bothered to pull shut the previous evening. My head was throbbing…from the dream, or the aftereffects of overindulgence, I am not certain. A few decent drinks of some of Magnar's dwarven ale had my head feeling much better…but did not change the fact that even though I knew it to be a dream, I still feel the need to return to Ruathym.
Two weeks since Sera has been gone. Things have not improved much. I have been attacked by Rina on no less than three occasions…usually with a weapon involved, as the dwarf girl continues to demand that I go get Sera and bring her back. She has called me all manner of foul names in the dwarven tongue that I am certain I would be more offended by if I could actually speak that language.
Rose and I are speaking again, albeit not very much. Conversation is tense at best. I don't think Rose has been feeling very well, but all of her crying can't possibly be good for her. Sera's absence is damned near palpable in almost every aspect of my life.
I nearly killed Zelairwyn the other day, during a sparring match. He's getting considerably better, but his mouth is beginning to run at both ends. After I scored a hit on him he asked, his tone sneering,
"How long before you abandon me as easily as you did Sera?" I hit him in the stomach before I could think better of it…hit an heir of Evermeet in anger. He doubled over, gasping, but he had enough breath to continue with his taunt.
"Hit me all you want…it doesn't change the fact that you're just as much of a fool as my mother!" I threw my weapon down. Better that than to show him how dangerous even a sparring weapon could be.
I would have welcomed a battle at that point. Every day I prayed for the amulet to activate that at least I could take out my frustration on the drow…on anything. But there was nothing. I guess either the drow were being quiet, or the folk of Banshee keep did not need my help…not that I imagined they truly needed it anyhow.
I keep waiting for Elaith to send word of whatever task he wanted me to do , but of that there has been nothing either. Nothing at all to distract me from my self-imposed misery.
The dream has continued unabated. I do not know what to do about it. Every day the need to return to Ruathym intensifies, even though I have no desire to ever return there. There is no one I dare talk to about it. Everyone either hates me for what I did to Sera, or avoids me out of fear. It's like being back in my old adventuring party…only this is worse as there are so many more people that I care about to show their disapproval.
Even on Evermeet during my worse day I don't think I felt this awful, so far removed from life. Very soon I fear I will enter a dream a not wake…or perhaps I will become the ghost that I fear I will fade into. I keep trying for Rose's sake. I do not wish to drag her down with me…but it is an unfortunate side effect of the elven communion. I suppose I shall have to try harder, and remind myself that Sera is probably much happier now that she has had time to get to know her real family.
I still haven't told my parents about what has happened. I can think of how to word the letter. What would I say? "I've given my daughter away."? "Elves shouldn't be raising dragons anyhow."? No. I'll tell them…eventually. Just not yet. Maybe when I can wake up and manage to get through the day without consuming a half a bottle of liquor…maybe then I'll think about it. Until then…well, I don't know what until then. Maybe a miracle will happen. Or maybe another disaster. Although short of Rose, there is much more I have left to lose.
…and may the gods know that that statement was not an invitation!