The Journal of Keledrial Nightstar

by Azurielle

Elven wizard and elven berserker, Keledrial's life has gone through one change after the next. How will he handle it all?

21. Chapter 20

Here is the next chapter.  A bit longer than they've been lately.  I give you fair warning that the story is headed towards the end.  Can't say how long it'll take though.  I hope you enjoy it.  As always thanks to my reviewers, you who are the entire reason that I have kept writing this: Arabwel, crazefanficboi, lord kaizar, silverwolf7, raelli1, catspaw 0913,and my random fan.  Thanks!

Azurielle

When I woke up this morning, it seemed like all the previous mornings have been.  The nightmare only barely loosened its grips on me. Its been getting harder and harder to escape it.  This time, it the dream, a woman in Rylonar handed me a mirror, and when I looked into it, my face was not as it should have been.  My eyes and ears had been round…like a humans, my hair coarse and blond as the other Ruathen's were.  This time the blood had moved beyond the shores of Ruathym…tainted the towns of Luskan and Neverwinter with the same red ash hued brush.  The last image had been of Penelope and her family…lying dead on the street outside of her store. 

       The latter part of the dream always disturbed me…felt to me as a warning of sorts.  The first part should have disturbed me more than it does…yet somehow, it is not entirely unpleasant. 

       The first thing I did upon waking was reach for the bottle I kept on my side of the bed.  It wasn't there.  I sat up, and leaned over the side, looking, thinking perhaps I had put it in the wrong place.  My head was killing me.

       It wasn't there.  So I opened the drawer in my nightstand.  That bottle was gone too.  I sat up, trying without much success to ignore the pains shooting through my skull.  I did a quick search of my room, noting two things.  One, every last bottle or flask of ale in the room was gone, and two, Rose was not in the bed with me. 

       I heard a crash come from the sitting room, and decided that I would see what was going on. What I found was Rose, standing by the window of the room.  The window was opened, and as I watched, she emptied the contents of one of my missing bottles out the window, and threw the bottle into a wastebasket with a resounding crash as it hit other bottles.  She looked up at me.  Her violet eyes didn't look quite so pretty, being that they were red-rimmed from crying.  Her face was as pale as marble and her hair looked as though she hadn't yet brushed it.  The overall effect made her look a bit wild.

       "What are you doing?" I asked, my voice sounding rougher than usual…but then I had usually managed to kill my all-encompassing headache before I woke in the morning.

       "Trying to remedy a problem!" she snapped, her voice had a hitch in it that let me think she had probably only just finished her weeping.

       "The only problem here is that you've thrown out all of my drinks and I have a headache fit to crack stone," I told her.

       "Then suffer.  You're not to touch one more drop!"  She was being unusually cruel.

       "I'll just go downstairs and get more," I informed her.

       "You will not.  Everyone in the kitchen has been informed I will Curse them if they so much as consider giving you anything short of water to drink," she crossed her arms.

       "And I will threaten to take their limbs off if they do not.  And your Curse is far more easily repaired than that.  See that's the nice thing about having people fear you," I added, feeling quite clever despite what felt like a gaping wound inside my head.  She screamed quite suddenly, and quite shrilly.  It was more than a little painful.

       "Why are you doing this?!" she cried.  "Are you trying to hurt me?"

       "No."

       "Then stop it!  If you don't stop you'll drink yourself to death!  Or is that what you had in mind?"  I shrugged.  The thought hadn't really crossed my mind, but the idea was beginning to show merit.

       "Don't you even care?  Cry! Rage!  Yell!  For the gods' sake do something!  But stop trying to pretend you don't feel anything…and stop using your drinking as a way to hide from this!"  She yelled.

       "Why?  You cry enough for both of us," I pointed out, rather heartlessly.  Wordlessly, she sank into a chair, her eyes brimming with tears and anger.

       "Don't you even care about anything anymore?"  she wanted to know.  I walked over to her, kissed her on the cheek, then straightened. 

       "I care about you…which is why I'm going to find something to drink and then go teach class."   She started to cry.  I walked out.  I truly am a bastard to have done so.  All I wanted at that moment, though, was not to feel.

       I went t the kitchen, but it seemed that there was no one to be found…and the door to the pantry, where all of the non-water drinks were stored, was locked.  I pounded on the door for a moment, angrily, then stopped.  It had only made my hand hurt, and short of finding a weapon, the door wasn't going to open.

       I was on my way back upstairs when I remembered that there wasn't any class today…it was the end of the week, which was a free day for students and teachers alike.

       I thought about walking down to the forge, but thought that it probably wouldn't be a good idea…not with my head hurting the way it did and no easy remedy to be found.  I didn't want to sleep anymore, for fear of the dream,  but I thought that lying down might be a good thing.  A glance out the window let me see that it was raining.  That was fine, gray and dreary matched my mood anyhow.  I started looking for an empty room in which to lie down.  I didn't really want to go to my room,, knowing that Rose was still up there.  Being that it was such a large house, it wasn't too difficult.

       The room looked unused, and I figured I wouldn't be bothered there.  I collapsed on the bed, and pulled a pillow over my head to try to block out all semblance of light and sound.  It didn't really help. 

       My head continued to ache…so much so that the pulse of my blood running through the veins in my head felt like tiny hammers.  And in the silence and the stillness there was nothing…not a damned thing to distract me.

       I was ruining my relationship with Rose.  I wasn't doing it on purpose, but it was happening all the same.  I had ruined things with Sera.  And then, all at once, it hit me.  The grief.  The pain.  The fury.  All the things that Rose had wanted me to feel but I have been to drunk to feel aught.  The feelings tore through me, ripping the wound in my mind open a little more.  I screamed into the pillow, praying that no one would hear me.  I screamed again, my fingernails tearing into the cloth as I pressed the pillow harder against my face. I screamed until my throat was raw and my back was beginning to spasm, and I had no energy left to scream anymore. I wanted to turn back time and stop myself from being a fool. I wanted my family back.  I wanted things to be the way they were, but I knew that I had blown it again, as I had with the party.  I had lost my daughter and was not well on the way to losing my wife.  Idiot, I told myself.  Fool.  Barbarian.  Monster.

       I let go of the pillow, and curled up as tightly as I could.  The tears came of their own volition.  I did not summon them, nor did I bid them not to fall.  Weak.  I didn't care.  I whispered aloud, prayers to a silent room, my voice a terrible rasp…I tasted blood…

       "Please…let me have them back," I pleaded.  "Oh Corellon, please…I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  What more can I say but that?  I just want her back…"  It was Sera I wanted…and Rose…and the all the friendships I had that I very well may have ruined in the past few weeks with my behavior.  I was greedy, but I wanted them all back.

       I never heard anyone enter the room, but I wasn't really listened.  I didn't hear the soft, childish voices that followed the creak of the door…but they were there.  The faces appeared in front of me…one dark as night, one bright as day…Liralyn's children: Rhylaun and Leithanis.  Leithanis had Sanhandrian in his arms.  I vaguely sensed my familiar's fear, but could not find it in me to comfort him.  For a moment, the two boys looked guilty…as though they were going to be in trouble…but their silver eyes widened when they saw me…with dismay? They looked at each other…uncertain.  Children rarely see grown-ups crying…and certainly not people like me. 

       "Mister Nightstar…are you all right?" Rhylaun asked in a whisper.  I tried to say yes, to tell them to go away, but I looked in their eyes…silver eyes and saw Sera's face when she had begged me not to send her away.  My words came out as wordless cry of pain.  How could I have done it I wondered anew, and closed my eyes so at least I wouldn't have to see them.

       "Maybe he's sick," I heard Leithanis say, his small voice concerned. 

       "Maybe…mister Nightstar…are you sick?" Rhylaun asked.  I stayed silent.  I couldn't answer.  Maybe they would go away.

       "Maybe we should tell Mommy," Leithanis suggested. 

       "She's not here," Rhylaun replied.  "She went down to the school."

       "What should we do then?"  Leave me alone I mentally bade them.  Let me suffer, as Rose had suggested. 

       "I'll go get my Dad," Rhylaun finally said.  Oh dear gods…don't get him, I begged silently.  There was the sound of feet leaving the room, and quiet for a moment.  Then a weight settled on the bed next to me.

       "Here's your squirrel," Leithanis said to me.  I felt Sanhandrian's claws on my chest where the boy had put him. My familiar seemed not to know what he should do, and so merely stood there.  The silence seemed to endure, with only the sounds of my weakness and grief breaking it.  The child was silent…I am certain I scared him.  Sera always was when she saw me upset….Sera.

       The door opened again. 

       "In here, see?" Rhylaun's voice was muffled, but I could still hear clearly enough. 

       "Oh…Eilistrae," I heard Kalanas Dakarios swear.  The strange thing was, I hurt so much at that moment I didn't even care if he saw me thusly.

       "Um…Rhylaun, Leithanis, why don't you go play outside?" he asked the two boys.

       "But it's raining," Leithanis protested.

       "Then why not go to the kitchen and see if they need help?" Kalanas suggested.  They finally seemed to catch on and I heard the door close once more.

       "Are you sick?" I heard Kalanas ask after a moment had passed.  "Do you want me to go get a cleric?"

       "No," I managed, putting my hand to my head to my forehead, pulling the wet hair out of my face.  I dared to look over at him.  He looked ill at ease, shifting his weight from one foot to the other…as though uncertain of what he was supposed to do, if anything.

       "Do you want me to get Rosealliele?" he asked after another moment of quiet.

       "No…just leave me alone," I told him in a bloody-tasting whisper.  I had probably torn up my throat with all that screaming.  Kalanas didn't move.

       "I know it's not my place but…look, Keledrial…you can't just give up hope," the dark elf stated. 

       "What hope?" I replied, tonelessly.  The tears were drying up, leaving an emptiness.  The pain in my head was still there, though…less severe but still there.

       "There's always hope," Kalanas said, softly.  "No one is dead.  And it's not like you can't see Sera again. She's only in Neverwinter, right?"   I nodded, though the motion caused rivulets of pain to slither down my spine from my head.

       "I can't go see her.  She needs to be with her family…where she belongs," I replied.  Kalanas frowned, the expression making his dark face look severe.

       "With all due respect, Keledrial, you are her family, and here is where she belongs," Kalanas informed me.  "And if she was mine…I never could have done it."

       "She was never mine to begin with.  At least you know that Rhylaun is yours and no one can take him from you." 

       "Death, in the form of an owlbear, nearly did," Kalanas pointed out.  "I owe you his life, and because I do I telling you this: stop feeling sorry for yourself.  You made a mistake.  All fathers do, from you to me, from my father to yours.  It's in our nature, as we must strive to achieve that which seems to come naturally to mothers.  If you want her back do something about it…or move on with your life.  And now that I have most probably overstepped the boundaries of our truce, I am going to get your wife," Kalanas finished berating me.  His expression was of frustration.  I suppose trying to make me understand anything can do that, though. I never thought to ever be lectured by a drow…but there it was.  I hear the swish of his robes as he left the room, the click of the door as it shut behind him.   

       I lay still for a bit, trying to avoid thinking of anything.  In that void I managed to find calm and my headache began to subside to a faint degree.  I did not hear my wife enter the room, but I felt her when she lay down next to me, curling her body alongside mine.

       "I'd rather see you like this than dry-eyed.  I'd rather see you hurting than numb," she whispered.

       "I have trouble showing my emotions sometimes," I replied.

       "I know.  Do you feel better?" she asked.

       "Not really," I answered her wearily.  "I want her back," my voice slipped even lower.

       "I know…so do I.  We'll write to the dragon…maybe we can make him understand," she suggested.

       "I wouldn't…if I were him," I sighed.

       "Then it is a good thing that he is himself, and that you are unique," there was a hint of a smile in her voice.  I rolled on my side to bury my face in her hair.  The scent of her was relaxing and the ache in my head eased a bit more. The gods wouldn't be so cruel as to make more than one of me, I thought to myself. 

       "We'll try anyhow," Rose concluded.  I nodded.  We would try.  After all it wasn't like I could lose her again.

       As it turned out, we never got a chance to write a letter to Vaerosanarisyn.  Exactly three days after I had finally broken down, he arrived at the school once more.  I believed myself to be hallucinating when I saw Sera bolt away from the dragon and throw herself at me with so much force that I was nearly knocked backwards.  Yet she felt real in my arms, and her squeal of joy sounded genuine to my ears.  I stared at her for a long  moment and then back at Vaerosanarisyn.  I finally did manage to recall how to speak after another a moment and a single coherent word managed to escape me.

       "Why?" I asked, utterly bewildered.  The human who was truly a dragon smiled, and then shrugged.

       "It occurred to me, after seeing how truly unhappy Kaithseraly was, and after remembering the expression on your face when I took her away, that if you loved my child enough to give her back to me…thinking of her happiness above your own, even though I can only imagine what it must have cost you to do so, that how could I do any less?" 

       "You're…giving her back to me?" I managed to respond.  He nodded.

       "Though I am her sire, you are her father.  Time will not change that and I would rather know that she was here, happy and safe with you, than growing up unhappy in Neverwinter, hating me for keeping her from her family. Besides, from what I've seen you've done an admirable job until now.  There is one condition, however."

       "And what is that?" I wanted to know, suddenly suspicious.

       "If Kaithseraly wishes to visit me, she will, of course, be permitted to do so.  Further, I will require a visit with her at least once a year.  There are a few things that she does need to know about her own people that I fear only a dragon can teach her," he informed me.  I could live with that…so long as I had her back.

       "Agreed," I quickly accepted.

       "Well, then…now that that's settled, I've business to attend.  Kaithseraly?"  Sera turned to regard him, never once loosening her grip on me, however.

       "I must be going now.  Are you certain this is what you want?"  Without a fraction of hesitation, she nodded.

       "Thank you for letting me come home," she told him.

       "You're quite welcome," he replied with a pat to the top of her head.  Without much ado, he backed away a few dozen yards and resumed his true form. 

       Now when the party and I had fought the red dragon I had thought it to be massive.  Sera's mother had been quite magnificent, even in death…but Vaerosanarisyn was…quite simply huge.  He was easily 50 feet in length, not including his tail.  Where Sera's scales are still a bluish-gray color, his were gleaming silver, with a few old scars visible on his hide.  I was forced to crane my head back just to get an adequate look at him.  And I thought about slaying him? He could have easily swallowed me whole without even needing to chew!

       "Besides," he rumbled, his voice sounded like thunder.  "I'm getting far to old to be raising youngsters," he added with a shrug of his massive shoulders.  A few flaps of his wings lifted him from the ground, and up past the tree line, the downdraft nearly knocking my feet out from under me.  The sun caused his scales to gleam a blinding brightness, as he turned back to the west and flew off.

       I stood there for a stunned moment praying to all of the gods in the Seldarine…and a few not who were not, that this was truth and not a dream.  The first minute passed and nothing changed.  The warm spring air felt real, as did the child in my arms. 

       "Daddy?" I heard her address me for the first time. I slowly looked down to meet her eyes…the same silver that they always were no matter her form.

       "Daddy, are you still mad at me?" she asked, her voice sounding teary.  I shook my head.

       "I was never mad at you, Sera."

       "You weren't?" She asked.

"No…I just thought that…I thought you meant some of the things you said," I explained.

"I didn't!  I swear!  I was mad! But I didn't mean it!  And I'm really, really sorry. I really love you," she was quick to say, her voice a little frantic.

"I know.  And I never should've sent you away.  I should have talked to you first.  I'm sorry as well," I apologized with equal ferverence.

"Did you miss me?  I wanted to come home!" she said.  "I cried and I screamed and I pouted and yelled, and I told him he wasn't my father, that you were.  I was bad, but I missed you, and Mommy Rose."

"Did I miss you?" I asked, a true smile forming on my face for the first time since I'd received that damnable letter.  "I was miserable.  You can ask anyone.  I'm surprised your mother didn't kill me, I was being so miserable," I told her.  Sera giggled, her tearful visage brightening. 

"She wouldn't have.  Did she miss me too?"  Sera wanted to know.  I nodded.

"Everyone missed you.  They all thought I was terrible for sending you away."

"That was terrible," she agreed.  "The dragon wasn't mean…but he wasn't you.  So don't ever do that again.  Promise?"  I promised, one that I meant to keep at all costs.  I would never do this to her, or myself, again.

"Good…now can we go see Mommy?  And Sanhandrian?  And Lashrael 2?  And Rina?  And…" I covered her mouth with my hand and nodded.

"We can go see everyone if you want," I told her.  She smiled.  I hugged her until she protested that she wanted to get down, that I was squeezing her too hard…and the light came back into my life.  I could breathe again. 

As we walked back to the house, I was in a daze, still hoping I wasn't dreaming.  That was yesterday, though and every time I check on Sera, she's still here.  I don't think I'm dreaming, although what I did to deserve this good fortune I shall never know.  Perhaps nothing…perhaps the gods were merely taking pity on me in my foolishness for once.  Either way I don't care.  I have my daughter back and I vow I will never let her go again!

Now, I had hoped that the dreams of Ruathym would stop with Sera's return…but they didn't.  The frequency has grown steadily worse over the past month.  I managed to keep it from Rose until now, but this morning she could not wake me…and I dreamt that the fires and blood had begun to stain the entire Sword Coast.  When I finally awoke I was drenched in sweat, my hair plastered to my head.  I gasped in air, feeling as though I had only then remembered to breathe.  And my heartbeat matched the pulse of the war drums that I heard beating in my dream.

Rose was beside me, crying.  Such a sight was not unusual as of late, however.  Between Sera's miraculous return and my better than average mood, she seems to be crying all the time…although she always claims it is because she's happy.  Why anyone would wish to cry when they were happy is beyond me.

This time, though I knew her tears were out of fear.

"You wouldn't wake up!" she sobbed.  "I shook you…I even hit you!  It was like you weren't even in reverie, but someplace where I couldn't reach you!"  I didn't say anything.  What should I say, after all?  This wasn't like the last time, where the Fury of Battle was granting me dreams that it might be put back together and reforged.  This was more…sinister, somehow.  I felt that it had to be magic, but whence the source?  The dreams were so detailed…no one here, not even Rose could have known enough to have sent it to me via casting.

But if it wasn't magic, what then?  Was it my insanity returning somehow?  But it had never been like this before.  Airk's voice had been nothing compared to the siren's pull of this dream.  And was it even a dream, I was beginning to wonder.  Before I seen images of past battles, battles that the sword had seen.  This time…was I seeing the future?  Was this a warning of some kind?  And if so what was I supposed to do about it?

The logical decision seemed to be to return to Ruathym and find out…but to what end?  Even if I discovered some plot, no one there would believe me.  And why did I keep dreaming that I was human?  Airk was in truth, a name.  I was always an elf.  But not in my dream.  I need someone to talk to about this.  Celedor…Lita…even Tobias…any of them would be my first choices…but none of them were here.  Rose asked again what was happening to me.  I didn't want to tell her anything…but she deserved an explanation…and there was no one else to tell.

I told her of the dream…how it keeps changing, evolving…and each time I have it, it draws me in deeper.  I told her that I was starting to fear that if it went on much longer that one day I would get lost in it and not be able to find my out again.  She seemed pensive as she thought about what I had put before her.    

"I know of spells that could do this sort of thing…but as you said who knows you so well that they could know so many details about your past with the humans?"

"No one…and that's the problem," I explained.  "Even sharing my mind as you have in the communion, I do not think you would be able to recreate Rylonar as perfectly as it is in the dream.  And my journal would not provide enough of a description either!"

"Then it could be someone from Ruathym sending it," she suggested.

"Over such distance?" I asked.  "And to what end? I'm being called back there…and aside from Eirik there is not one living person there who would want me back.  And furthermore, magic use on Ruathym is less than rare.  I doubt even if there was someone there who could cast, that they would waste there time on me," I was growing frustrated.  Why is this happening? My head ached fiercely, as it always does when I wake up.  The answer to the problem seemed so simple…go back.  But it was too simple…and to go back…well, let us just say that it is nowhere high on my list of desires.  I have to talk to Celedor.  Maybe he can give me some advice. 

Rose told me that she would ask some of the other wizards if they knew anything…being discreet of course, she added without my having to ask.  The last thing I wanted is for everyone in Everall to know about my little problem.  As much as I would like to be able to handle this on my own, in the past that has never worked very well.  So I will write to Celedor and I will allow Rose to find out what she might.  After all, it is not like I have many other options.

Celedor bids me come to Waterdeep.  He wants to speak with me, thinks it will help.  He adds that it seems as though the dreams bid me return to Ruathym…as though I have not figured it out for myself, by now.  Well, I have decided.  I shall go to Ruathym, but it will not be for another two months' time. That is when the summer break will once more be upon us.  I will have time to go off on this journey then.  Until then, my responsibilities are here, no matter how distracted I am.  Besides, planning is necessary at this juncture.  I do not need Celedor to tell me that I must go to Ruathym, but I do need him to make arrangements for both a ship and a crew that would be willing to take to Ruathym…no easy task for few merchants would be willing to sail anywhere near the isle of reivers…and few ships of any other kind have reason to be going there. Still, I have Celedor working on the problem now, by the time summer comes around, I should have a way there.  And yes, I do realize that teleporting would be nearly as easy, however, I do not wish to risk that the magic on Ruathym will make the spell go awry…nor do I wish to die, which is what would occur if I suddenly appeared in front a group of Ruathen people…who would immediately attack me, out of fear if little else.  Thus I must bide my time just a bit longer.  Though the dreams grow more vivid and disturbing nightly, I think I can make it two more months.  Oh, and I think I shall send word to Lita and Tobias, asking if they would join me on this trip.  After all, out of the rest of my old adventuring party, they two are the only ones I have stayed in touch with and the only ones I would trust enough to ask to come with me.  I don't relish the idea of having anyone else with me, however, if whatever on Ruathym is causing this proves to be too much for me to handle alone, it would be nice to know that I have backup…or at least someone to bear my corpse back to elven lands that I might be properly buried…best not think about that though.

I leave tomorrow for Waterdeep.  The students are leaving as I write and not a moment too soon.  I can wait no longer.  Should the dream continue much longer I know that I will not wake.  When I woke this morning it was to the tears of my family.  Rose was near panic.  I had stopped breathing for a few moments while dreaming.  No wonder I felt as though I were drowning in the dream.  This time, the voices in the well were almost clear to me, but the remembrance of what they said still eludes me. 

I will pack tonight.  We are taking the Wayfarer's guild to Waterdeep.  Rose wanted to teleport us, but I forbade it.  She is already unwell from so many sleepless nights that she has stayed awake to make sure that I would wake up.  A few times I had to trick her into drinking a sleep draught that she might rest.  Still, she seems paler than normal…quite a feat consider her normal skin color is very near the color of the moonlight.  And she east so little! 

I have tried everything to dissuade her from coming with me.  She stated that should I forbid her to accompany me, she would only teleport there blindly…or find some other way to follow me.  I have toyed with the idea of locking her up without her spellbook, or various and sundry other ideas as to how I might keep her here…and safe, but the problem is she is just too damned clever and I know she would a find a way to escape.  So I agreed that she might come…on the condition that should the situation become even the slightest bit dangerous she would run by any means necessary.  She nodded and said she would but something about the way she agreed so easily makes me think that she has no intention of following that order either.

Lita and Tobias will be meeting us at the church.  Both agreed to come along, but I had little doubt that they would. Celedor claims he has a ship for me, o all is in order.  Still…I don't not wish to do this, though I know I must.  Something about this whole situation is wrong.  The dreams…the compulsion…it's wrong, but I have run out of other acceptable options.

Sera and Zelairwyn also wanted to go with me.  Here I put my foot down.  Not if they both grown with children of their own would I consider taking wither of them along.  Sera pouted. For once, I stood firm.  She is not coming with me, no matter how much she may wish to.  I did tell her that she may go to Sundabar with Rina after all.  I know, after I put up such a fit over not allowing her to go…but I do not want her to try to follow me to Ruathym, hence I figure this will distract her.  Besides, I met with Rina's parents, earlier in the week when they came to get Rina.  They seem like nice enough people…not anywhere near as odd as Hank or Ranon…just normal, I suppose.  Actually, they were probably abnormal, come to think of it, seeing as they sent their daughter to a school such as this and seemed more than happy to take Sera with them on vacation, even though she appears to be an elven child.  I did tell them that she was a dragon, however, as it wouldn't do for them to be…surprised.  After all, most dwarves, or so I have always heard are as racist as the elves.  Why else would be the two longest-lived races and never get along for all that?

With Zelairwyn, he tried to use the excuse that he was practically my squire, seeing as I'm training him, and that he should be allowed to go along…to help me. It didn't matter when I pointed out to him that, as I am not a knight, he cannot truly be a squire.  He merely changed his wording to "apprentice" and stared at me in that challenging fashion he affects. I told him no.  After all, my task was to keep him out of trouble, not drag him into it.  I have already alerted the Queen, via elfrune that I must leave Everall and Zelairwyn for a time, explaining as best I could my reasons.  She granted me the necessary permission.  Zelairwyn continued nagging me, saying that he was barely younger than I was when I had gone to Ruathym.  I replied that that was all the more reason he would not be coming along.  Look at what happened to me, for Corellon's sake!  Finally, his mother, who also knew of my plans, seeing as I had to inform her of them, put an end to it when she quite firmly informed him that he was not going, and that was that.  She did however, tell him that he would be allowed to visit Evereska and his friends and help with reconstruction effort on the condition that he remain with his uncle Mallorn, and Kellenes Dakarios, both of whom would be accompanying him there.  Zelairwyn was so overcome with amazement that his whining ceased almost instantly.  So either Liralyn has taken a page out of my book, or I am taking a page out of hers as both of us having resorted to bribery rather than the endless arguments that would have occurred had we not given Sera and Zelairwyn something else with which to occupy their thoughts. 

So I finished packing.  I brought my weapons and gear with me…one never knows.  For some reason, I have also decided to bring the Fury of Battle with me.  I may not be able to use, but I suppose I can give it to the Ruathym as a bribe to try and find out what is going on…if there is anything going on other than my mind causing me grief again.  It's a holy weapon of Tempus, for one and that is reason enough for them to want it…I hope.

I wait only for the morning, for I will not sleep this night.  Sera is already on her way to Sundabar, and thankfully, I have managed to get Rose to go to sleep.  I pray that the dawn comes swiftly.

I have not yet decided whom I most desire to kill…should it be Liralyn?  Or perhaps Tobias and Lita?  Or maybe Celedor?  The pack of scheming deceivers!  I am so furious I think I could break steel with my bare hands!  Why do they all believe they have a right to meddle in my affairs!  Troublemakers!  Every last damned one of them!

But I suppose I should continue in order of events as they happen.  That is the proper way to do things…and perhaps I will be able to calm down by the time I finish.

We arrived at the Wayfarer's guild in Waterdeep with only the mild disorientation that comes from teleporting. Rose and I had no more than walked out of the building when a member of the Waterdeep Guard walked directly up to us.  Before I had a chance to ask anything, the guard pulled off her helmet. Familiar short, blond tumbled down to swing just below her chin, and bright green eyes stared up at me, a grin on her face.

"Kelly," I greeted her, startled.  "What are you doing here?"  She shrugged.

"I've got a friend here at the guild who told me you were coming.  I thought that since you're in town we could go get lunch or something."  I dared to glance at Rosealliele.  Her face was carefully blank. 

"I appreciate the offer, Kelly, but I'm here on business…" Kelly waved her gauntleted hand dismissively.

"Don't worry about it.  Celedor's got the ship and everything under control.  It'll still be a few hours before you can even start getting underway, so there's plenty of time for lunch.  You didn't bring Sera, huh?  Well, that's probably for the best.  I don't think she much cared for me," Kelly rattled on, even as I stuck on the point that Celedor had apparently told Kelly of my little "trip."   

"What did Celedor tell…" I began to ask her, when Rose interrupted.

"Keledrial, you seem to have misplaced your manners," my wife told me in a far too calm tone.  "Make introductions." 

       "Ah…Kelly, this is my wife, Rosealliele Silverspear…"  Kelly immediately extended her hand then quickly drew it back to remove the gauntlet before extending it once more to Rose.

       "Nice to meet you," Kelly stated, politely, before looking over at me.  "I thought you weren't married?" she asked.

       "Well it's a fairly recent occurrence," I commented.  "Anyhow…Rose, this is my…daughter, Kelly."  It sounded weak, event to my ears.  Strange isn't it, how I have talked and talked with Rose…even shared my mind with her and still never got around to mentioning my illegitimate, half-elven daughter?

       "Kelly Vanus," Kelly amended. It is still yet stranger that until then I didn't even know Kelly's…or even Rosaleen's last name.

       "Very nice to meet you, Kelly," Rose said in a gracious manner, even as her fingers clenched convulsively around mine, belying her calm exterior. At that point, Kelly resumed talking.

       "So anyhow, seeing as you've got a bit of time, how about it?"

       "What?" I asked, too concerned over Rose's reaction to recall what it was Kelly wanted. Kelly rolled her eyes.

       "Lunch?  Look, I'm not taking no for an answer.  I'm off work in approximately one hour.  I'll meet you at the Dancing Bear tavern for lunch…they've got great food there…and cheap too!  So I'll see you both then, 'kay?"  Kelly did not give us a chance to refuse as she pulled her helmet back on and hurried off.

       I waited patiently for the eruption that I was certain to follow.  What happened was something I did not expect.  Rose burst into tears. 

       "We've been married for months now, and you didn't even have the decency to tell me about this!"  Rose sobbed…sounding much less coherent than I am writing, however. 

       "It just never came up," I tried to defend myself.  "Why would it?  Kelly isn't part of my life nor am I part of hers. I've only talked to her once, for Corellon's sake!"  Rose shook her head, perfect crystal tears falling freely from her violet eyes…strange how she looks enticing, even when she's crying. Some woman look hideous when they're crying…red eyes, swollen faces and the like, but not Rose.

       "No excuse!" she told me.  "How many other children do you have that I, your wife, don't know about?" 

       "As far as I know, none.  Please, Rose.  There's no need for this.  I'm sorry I didn't tell you.  I truly, truly am.  It just did not seem that important.  I'm foolish.  I admit it...and I was even more so back then.  It never even occurred to me that such a result could happen from my…dalliances.  Please Rose," I wrapped my arms around her, trying to soothe her.  Usually she's so calm about things.  I never would have expected her to react in such a fashion.  A sarcastic "you might have mentioned this sooner," perhaps…even an "Oh Keledrial," in that voice she uses when she's disappointed with something I have done or said that reminds me nothing so much as my mother…but not this.

       She tried to resist, keeping her body stiff for a moment, but ultimately she couldn't.  She relaxed against me, still crying quietly.  At least she wasn't being hysterical. 

       "I don't know why I'm so upset," she told me after awhile.  "I just can't seem to control my emotions.  I don't know why," she repeated.

       "I do," I replied, kissing her cheek and wiping her face with the edge of my cloak.  "You're tired, and a great deal has happened lately.  It would affect anyone."  After a moment she nodded.

       "I suppose you might be right.  I just feel so silly.  This isn't at all like me," she explained. 

       "Don't worry so much, Rose.  Everything will be back to normal after we figure what's going on.  Just a quick trip to Ruathym and everything will be better," I assured her with far more confidence than I felt.  I guess my acting skills are better than I thought for she seemed to relax a bit more.

       " Back to normal?" she laughed softly.  "And when have things ever been "normal" with us?" She asked.  I thought about it.

       "Never," I grinned.  "But at least we're never bored, right?"  She nodded, the hint of a smile appearing on her face.  Much better, I thought. 

       "Now, we need to get moving Rose.  There's much to do and less time in which to do it.  We'll stop and get a room for the night as it's probably too late to leave today anyhow…besides I want to meet the ship's crew before we sail anywhere.  If you don't want to go to lunch, you can stay at the room, or shop or something.  You don't have to come," I told her.  She shook her head. 

       "I'd rather stay with you.  Besides I think she wanted to meet me," Rose leaned into my side, and I put my arm around her waist.

       "If that's what you want. And Kelly probably does want to talk to you.  For all that she's grown and has had nothing to do with me during all this time, she is intensely curious about her elven heritage," I explained.

       "Why shouldn't she be?  Half elves have a hard time of it, trying to balance out their human side with their elven side…one culture with the other.  I can't imagine how difficult it must be," she commented.  I could.  But I didn't tell her that.  I just wanted to get things moving so that this whole affair would be over with one way or another.

       So we got a room, and met Kelly for lunch.  The girl chattered on incessantly, and I swear she could easily rival Tobias in her ability to speak an entire paragraph without taking a breath.  She must have gotten such a trait from her mother, seeing as I am nothing like that.  Although, I cannot remember Rosaleen talking all that much either.  When we parted company, Kelly waved and told me she'd see me tomorrow, but did not say when.  That should have been my first clue…but naturally I did not catch on.

       We went from the tavern to the church to meet up with Celedor.  He had, after all, arranged the ship, and so I needed to get the information from him. 

       The priest looked much the same as the last time I had seen him…and the time before that.  Same white and gold robes, same short hairstyle.  That is both the blessing and the curse of the people…we never do change much. 

       He greeted us warmly, as always.

       "Everything is in order for your trip," he told me without much preamble.

       "That you managed to find a crew willing to sail to Ruathym during the storm season amazes me," I told him. 

"You're to be commended Celedor."  He coughed once, as though clearing his throat and seemed suddenly fascinated with the gold threads on the hem of his sleeve.

       " Well, it wasn't so hard…not with the proper persuasion, anyhow," the priest murmured.  His behavior should have been my second clue, but I took it for modesty at my praise.  

He informed me that the crew would be readied and assembled to leave with the morning tide, and that I should meet them down on the dock at the berth of a ship called the Radiant Dolphin.  I never suspected a thing, but merely thanked him for all his aid once more.  Celedor then proceeded to ask for more details on the dream than I had been able to give in my letter.  So I spent the next few hours explaining the dreams and their progression in detail to my former confessor.  He seemed perplexed by it all, claiming that it did seem similar to the dreams I had had back when I had first begun finding pieces of the Fury of Battle, and yet these were also wholly different.  He agreed that it did seem like there was some form of magic at work and that it almost seemed like a Nightmare spell was being worked on me…but to be so detailed and so draining…he worried that it was a powerful caster at work.  The only problem with that theory, as I have already reasoned, is that priests do not cast the Nightmare spell...only arcane casters do…and of them, I cannot think of one that I ever heard of while on Ruathym…save of course for that damned drow bitch but she is long gone.  

No new revelations or conclusions were drawn that evening, at least not in regards to my bizarre dreams.  Just as Rose and I were rising to leave, though, a messenger appeared and handed a roll of paper to Celedor, whispering quietly.  After a moment the messenger departed, and Celedor turned to hand the scroll to me.

"This is for you, although the sender would not declare themselves."  I took the scroll and looked at it carefully.  It was sealed with wax, unbroken, but no signet marked into it either.  Seeing no harm, I opened it to read the message inside.

"I have the necessary information on the task of which I spoke to you of, and believe you are soon to be in the proper position to aid me in this endeavor.  Meet me at my tavern for the details before you sail."

The letter was unsigned, but I knew exactly who had sent it.  Uncertain of what Elaith meant to ask me to do, I decided to leave Rose at our room while I went to speak with him, promising that I would not be too long.  Rose did not seem happy, but neither did she protest.

When I arrived at Elaith's tavern, I noted that very little had changed.  The bartender, a human I did not recognize ushered me back to the familiar office room where I had often spoken with Elaith.

My fellow moon elf was there, busily scribing something onto a piece of parchment.  His head snapped up as I entered, amber colored eyes meeting mine. 

"Greetings Keledrial," were his first words to me. 

"And to yourself, Lord Elaith," I replied, courteously.  He gestured for me to sit, and so I did.  Elaith, himself, leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers together over the parchment on his desk.

"Obviously I received your message," I told him.  "How can I aid you?"

"It has come to my attention that you are planning a trip to Ruathym," Elaith began.

"How is it that everyone seems to know about it?" I groused.  Elaith shrugged his shoulders.

"For myself, well…secrets are hard to keep from me.  But for the others, let us say that your priest friend has not been entirely discreet about gathering the necessary components together for the journey."  Oh well.  I hadn't really told Celedor to keep any of this a secret, so I suppose I had no real right to be upset.

"About the task?" I returned to the reason for my visit.

"The task…yes.  For several years now I have been tracking the whereabouts of a very old spell book. It belonged to a wizard of some obscurity but rumor has it that within the pages of his book was a formula for a powerful spell…one that has been all but lost to modern days," he explained.

"What type of spell?" I asked. 

"I am not entirely certain.  Age places the caster during the time of the Netherese empire, thus many rumors believe it to be one of the high-powered spells that were lost to wizards when Netheril fell.  Other rumors hint that it might even be one of the fabled Nether scrolls," Elaith told me, his voice quite low. 

I know well of Netheril.  In fact it was one of the few human cultures I had studied as a youth…in great detail.  More than three hundred year before the current era of Dale Reckoning..well before Myth Drannor or even Corymr were founded, magic was far more powerful.  A race of human wizards known as the wizards of Netheril existed. They reached heights in magic previously unknown by humans…using magic so powerful that only the highest of the elven high mages would dare to use.  The problem was that the human wizards used this magic like a child with a new toy…recklessly.  When one of their number, an infamous human named Karsus reached too far with magic he brought about the fall of the human goddess, Mystra and through her the faltering of the weave worldwide.  When magic fell, so too did Netheril.  And since that time the spells once cast so easily by the human wizards were lost to all but the high mages of the People.  But with the fall of the towers on Evermeet, even high magic has been taken…but in the case of the latter, I can only hope the rumors my father heard were true: that somehow Prince Lamruil is working on a way to bring back high magic to the People.

So with that knowledge I could understand why such a spellbook containing one of the ancient spells was so important.  But that did not explain why Elaith needed me…or what he meant to do with this spellbook.

"In any case," Elaith continued.  "The spellbook's location has moved about through the years.  Most recently, it was kept in a library at the summer home of a human merchant, it's importance and value unknown.  When I inquired about purchasing it however, I was informed by the man's widow that the book was stolen some years ago during a raid by pirates. By the descriptions of those who had witnessed the raid it sounded nothing so much like the raiders of Ruathym.  The book, though incomprehensible to the merchant, was quite ornate decorated with gold leaf and gems.  It had been more of a decoration piece than anything else." Elaith's tone was almost sneering at that point.  I could well understand.  Imagine such a powerful and potentially dangerous artifact as a Netherse spellbook being used as some sort of ornament. 

"If it was Ruathym raiders, there is, unfortunately, a very good likelihood that the book was stripped of its worth and burned," I told Elaith, feeling a bit bad about having to destroy his hopes of recovering the book. Elaith shook his head, smiling enigmatically.

"I do not believe it was.  The book had a long history, and in that history there has been fire…according to my research, the book is protected against time and the elements…even fire." 

"If that is true, then the Ruathym might have been fearful about the book.  There might, then, be a chance that it was put in the Green Room in Ruathym city," I mused.  Elaith nodded.

"That is my theory as well."

"So what you need of me is that I search the Green Room while I am on Ruathym to try to find the book," I postulated.  Again he nodded. 

"Then I will do so.  It is the least I can do after all the help you gave me," I told him.  "But I must warn you that there is a good chance that the book is not there…and that getting into the Green Room will not be something I can easily do."  That was an understatement.  Getting into the Green Room would be a downright pain in the ass, for while it isn't guarded, it usually does require permission to enter it…and I, either as myself or Airk Windreiver…or should I say "Woman-slayer," was not likely to receive permission.  Still, I would try…even if it meant entering the room by less than lawful means.

"I have every faith in your abilities," Elaith informed me in a calm demeanor.  I was glad that someone did.  I stood up, and reached out to clasp Elaith's hand.

"Very well.  I will do what I can to see that that faith is not misplaced," I stated.  He accepted my hand, and gave a kind of half-smile.  I do not think that he smiles very much, so that was a close it got, I imagine.

"And I shall look for your return.  Now, I have much work to do, and you have to be getting back to your fair wife,  should think."  I nodded.  It had only been an hour or so, but I did not want to leave her alone too long…not with her still so upset over all the occurrences as of late. 

So I took my leave and headed back to the inn, where Rose and I spent our last night alone in bed.  After all, come the morning we would be on a ship with at least a dozen more people and I don't not particularly care for the idea of "performing" for an audience while I make love to my wife.

I did not rest that night for I wanted her to take reverie instead.  I knew she wouldn't do so if she knew I was dreaming, so I opted to stay awake. I tried to get Sanhandrian to come out of his familiar pocket, thinking I could waste some of the night that was left by giving him some food, or grooming him.  He flatly refused to come out and would not explain why.  My familiar has been acting odd lately…far more skitterish than usual. But then, everyone has been acting a little off of late.  In Sanhandrian's case, though, it could be that he senses my turmoil and is reflecting it.  I hope that it is all it is.  I hope this will all be over soon, as I had told Rose. Yet I have a feeling that this is not going to be as easy as I'd like.

The next morning dawned far too soon for my liking.  Rose insisted we get up and moving, or we would miss the tide.  I would have been far happier staying where I was, with my arms wrapped around her and her body against mine…but for the dream problem that is.  Regretfully I was forced to acquiesce to her demands and get up and dressed.  We stopped long enough to get some fresh fruit and bread to eat for breakfast as we made our way down to the dock ward.

I found the Radiant Dolphin easily enough, waiting where Celedor had said it would be.  The ship was nice enough: a single-masted keelboat with a blue sail.  It had oars for rowing should the wind die down and could easily carry about fifteen people and plenty of gear.  Though it wasn't ideal for ocean travel, being smaller than a longship, or a sailing ship, it would do.  Seeing as it was so small, it didn't have cabins or anything fancy like that…it would be just Rose, I, the crew and the sea for a few weeks. 

As we got closer I could see that it was already stocked and prepared for the voyage…could see the crew moving about tying up loose ends, so to speak.

As we got right up to the Radiant Dolphin I could see that there were 9 crew members…and about the time I had counted them, I realized just who they were…and clenched my fists tightly in my cloak to keep from hitting someone.

Of my crew…the people who were only supposed to take me to Ruathym, at least 8 out of 9 of them I knew…people I trusted…and people whom I called my "friends."  I wonder now if such friendship had been misplaced, for they all should have known I would never have wanted any of them to go with me.

Oh, Lita and Tobias I had expected…but the others…when they saw Rose and I approach they looked up.  I could detect no shame evident in any of them over their perfidy, which only made me angrier.

My daughter, Kelly was there, as was Celedor. Also among the "crew" were my cousin Liralyn, Bran Stormwind, Kalanas Dakarios, and wonder of wonders, Ranon.

"Why not have invited Hank and Calvin to make this sham of a crew complete?!" I snarled at them.

"Oh we tried," Tobias cheerfully informed, in nowise aware of the mortal danger he was in with such a tone.  "But Hank has pretty much vanished…no one knows where, and Calvin is away at some sort of paladin-retreat thing to pray, and his church wouldn't tell us where it was."   I glared at him, but for once he did not back down or away.  Lita shook her head, and crossed her arms.

"Look Keledrial, you needed a crew…Celedor couldn't find one willing to go to Ruathym at this time of year.  So we talked about it, and figured that this was the best way to go about things."

"The best way?!" I choked.  "I would rather have waited for the storm season to be over than to have all of you with me."

"Well that's ingratitude for ye!" Ranon huffed, ruffling his wings irritated.  "I came down here all the way from Sundabar!"

"Who asked you to?" I snapped.  Ranon pointed his stubby finger in the direction of Tobias and Lita. 

"Rant and rave all you want, Keledrial but according to your wife you don't have the time to wait for another ship and crew," Tobias added.  I looked down at Rose, knowing that hurt had to be evident in my face though I was trying to hide it.

"You knew about this Rose?" I asked her.  She nodded.

"Actually I was the one who invited Liralyn, Bran, and Kalanas," she confessed. 

"Why?" I demanded.  "Do all of you think I am so weak that I can't possibly do this on my own?" I all but roared at them, still looking at Rose, though.

"You need help doing this…it's not the sort of thing that you should try to do alone," I heard Liralyn say.

"Besides, ye never would have asked for help," Ranon felt he had to point out.

"I did ask for help!" I shouted.  "I asked Lita and Tobias and Celedor to help me!"

"Well you may need more than that," Rose informed me, violet eyes flashing.  "Your friends want to help you…is it so hard to let them?"

"Your asking me to trust them when all you of you went behind my back and arranged things, knowing that I wouldn't agree to it!  I don't want to be responsible if anything goes wrong on Ruathym…that's why I didn't want any of you to come!"  I couldn't explain to them that while somewhere in my heart I was happy that they had all come, all willing to help, the feeling was overwhelmed by the fear that if they came to Ruathym something terrible would happen to one of them and that I would never be able to forgive myself for it.

"There's no point in all this yelling, Keledrial love.  We're all going.  You need us to help sail the ship for one.  Don't reject help when it's offered.  If they didn't care, none of them would have come," Rose told me in a low tone.  My fists unclenched and clenched again reflexively.  

"I have no choice, do I?"I asked through gritted teeth.

"Not really," Bran told me, slamming his hand against my back.  "I always wanted to see Ruathym," the human added.  "So I'm going whether you like it or not.  Think we'll see some real battle there?  It gets so boring teaching a bunch of beardless brats the ropes."

"It gets dull being at the church day in and day out," Celedor piped up.  "I thought I might see this land that made what you are today."

"Tobias asked.  I ain't got aught better to do.  An adventure seemed like fun," Ranon gave his excuse.

"I've followed you into worse than this," Tobias stated.  "Remember Lord Lysanthir's midsummer party?" he added.  I groaned.  That was one particular night I wish I could forget…seeing as the amount of trouble Sylthas and I got into over our drunken antics at that particular party was monumental.

Lita merely shrugged, and said,

"You asked, I came."  That was Lita…always to the point, no fine glossing.  Liralyn and Kalanas exchanged glances, then looked back to me.

"You saved my son's life…and Zelariwyn's life as well.  The least we can do is aid you in this endeavor," Kalanas informed me.

"And besides, it's been years since I adventured with the Myth Knights.  A bard needs new material once in a while," Liralyn added.  Lastly, Kelly spoke.

"You're my father.  I'm bored. I'd like to see at least one of the places you grew up in, and since Evermeet is definitely out, Ruathym will have to do.  Do I need another reason?"  I was quiet for a long moment thinking about this.  They were all determined.  Their stubborn gazes and crossed arms left little doubt of that.  I could go without them, teleport to Ruathym, even though I knew that doing such was not the best idea…but then I would be alone without backup should I need it.  And with the dreams and the compulsion, I feared I would need it. And even if I did go alone, I suspected that they would have followed me anyhow, placing themselves in even more danger seeing as they wouldn't know where to go on Ruathym when they got there.  Thus I was forced to concede.

"Fine.  Come with me.  Get yourselves killed.  See if I care," I sighed angrily.  Then, thinking about it, I looked over to Kelly.  "But not you.  You stay here.  If you mean to use that I am your father as a reason to go, then I will use it as a reason for you not to.  Sera is not going, and neither are you."  Kelly laughed, the little brat.

"Nice try but the big difference between Sera and I is that she's a little girl and has to listen to you.  I'm not.  I'm old enough to do what I want and go where I want.  I'm going and that's that."    And that was that.  There was no deterring any of them.  I just know that this is going to be a fiasco.  I can feel it…sense it in my bones.  Like the Ruathym aren't going to notice a group mostly comprised of elves traversing through their villages?  So much for the stealthy approach to this.

We left less than an hour later, sailing out of Waterdeep harbor and onto the open sea.
       

As the days have passed while we are at sea, the magic or whatever it is that compels me to reach Ruathym has grown stronger.  Thus far our luck has held out and the only storms we have encountered have been mild.  The ship's owner and navigator a man named Kerrick has said that it shouldn't be much longer.  I can only hope so.  Being in close quarters with so many of my friends is starting to wear thin…and between Tobias and Bran I swear all of them know every stupid mistake or drunken idiocy I have accomplished.  Rose will probably never sleep with me again after listening to Tobias describing to Bran the sheer number of women I "wenched" while on Evermeet.  Throwing one or both of them overboard is beginning to grow more and more appealing with each day.

       We have only a few more days until we reach Ruathym.  The weather is still holding…but I am beginning to fear what I will find when we arrive.  I cannot sleep anymore, out of fear that I will not wake.  This has to end…soon.

The closer we got to Ruathym, the more the magic pulled at me.  All of my energy I spent inward, trying to focus on remaining in control, on resisting whatever it was that was calling me back. 

It was to no avail.  As the shores of Ruathym came into sight, the force against me grew overwhelming.  The boat was too slow…I had to get to shore…to go back…I glanced once at the others…my family, my friends.  I wanted them to help me, but could not find a voice to ask them.  My limbs moved as though controlled by strings, tugged at by an unseen controller.  I was at the railing of the ship in a trice, and over the side before any of them had a moments' warning.  When my head broke through the surface of the icy water, I began to swim, strong stokes, headed for the shore.  I heard them calling, shouts to turn the boat, to "save" me. 

I prayed that they could save me, for I knew then that I could not save myself.  Their voices grew distant, faint, and faded altogether.  The power was so strong, so insistent. 

Ruathym rose before me, and my arms ached from the swim, but the moment I set my feet on the rocky shores of the fjord, I felt nothing.  And the last thing I heard was a voice, a familiar, hated voice.  If a voice could grin in triumph, then that was what this voice did.  All sense of who I was vanished in that moment…the moment I heard Airk Windreiver say,

"I'm back."