I never thought it would end like this. I never thought I would take the coward's way out, but how cane I live any longer when my heart is dead?
Rose's seemed fine, right until the end. She didn't let anyone know she was in pain. She didn't tell anyone that the bleeding hadn't stopped. And by the time they had finished cleaning up and tending to the baby, it was too late.
I felt it, the moment she died. It was worse than any wound I ever suffered…worse than the division of my self…worst than any agony I have the words in my to describe. Imagine your insides and emotions, your heart and soul being ripped to shreds all in one instant, and that would be a start to what I felt. Her mind just slipped away, as she ceased breathing, even as the baby started to wail.
By the time the clerics realized what had happened, my Rose was gone…bled to death giving birth to a baby that was too large for her to bear.
I couldn't scream…I couldn't cry…I didn't even make sound once I realized what had happened. I just held her hand…still so warm…in my own, waiting for a miracle…that never came.
Some in my position would have demanded to a cleric to bring her back. I couldn't do that. It has always been my belief that it is wrong to play with death, the way some priests do…and besides, even then I knew I would not be long without my heart.
I barely remember all the things that followed. I know that it was cold when I put her in the ground…buried her in the same grove I had married her in. The ground was frozen…it took me a long time to dig deep enough. I didn't let anyone come with me, nor did I let anyone near the grave. No one knew that I dug the grave too big.
I looked at my newborn son only once, a few days after. He seemed too small…too small to have torn his way out of her…to have killed her. He stared at me with wide, violet eyes…her eyes, damning me with their intensity. I had done this too her. I had killed her; that is what I read in those eyes. I never looked at him again.
He will be fine. I know that. Liralyn found him a wet nurse, but he still cries. Maybe he knows that she is not his mother. Brandeth…it was the name my Rose chose for him and that is the name I gave him. He will be fine. There will be plenty of people to love him. Both him and Sera.
I know that I'm being selfish. If I were not, I would stay…raise my children…but I can't. Rose was reason for living…and now, she is my reason for dying. I only have a little time left…I know that. The poison is already starting to blur my vision…but it is only a secondary measure. Once I reach the grove, I will put my sword through the hole in my chest, where my heart used to be…just to be certain. After all, as I lived in blood, so I should die…like her, in blood. It seems a shame, though that after all the hard work the clerics did to save me, it shall all come to naught, after all.
We will be together in Arvandyr, that I do know. She will be angry with me, but she'll understand why I had to do it. I would not be a good father, now anyhow. And what good is seeing the world, if the one I love is not here to see it with me? No, it is better this way…and too late now for recriminations anyhow. I have to get to the grove. My parents will take care of Sera and Brandeth…they will love them, as I love them. But they will stay with them, and care for them…as I cannot do. Oh, Rose…I'll be with you soon.
Brandeth read the final page of the journal in shock, his hands shaking. He knew that his mother, Rosealliele, had died while giving birth to him, but only knew that his father had died a month or so later, never the circumstances of his death. And instead of having the grand party that his uncle Tobias had planned, there had been a funeral for his father instead. And now Brandeth knew the truth.
At first the young elf felt fury, anger the likes of which he'd never before felt. How could his father, the elf who'd done so many brave things, have been such a coward to have taken his own life?!
But then Brandeth suddenly hit upon what he believed was the truth…the real cause of his father's death…it had been him. Brandeth had killed his parents. Certainly he'd always known that he'd killed his mother, he been too big for her to bear…but now he had to accept the responsibility for his father's death as well….for by killing Rose, Brandeth had also been the catalyst for Keledrial's death.
He started to cry. He didn't know what else to do. Now he understood why his sister Sera was so distant towards him, why she had gone away as soon as she could…why his grandparents never spoke about Rose or Keledrial to him. Now he understood the truth, and he wondered how he would ever be able to bear knowing it.