A/N: *stands up straight and very, very dignified* I do not intend to sound completely pathetic, but this would be the first time I've gotten so many reviews in so little chapters. *clears her throat* YAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!! -
I wrote this twice- hence, the delay, gomen!- the first version of this chapter was a lot shorter and nothing really happened, so I threw it away and started it all over again this morning. This chappy has a weird dynamic, I love it! I had lots of fun writing it. I hope you like it too!
Check the bottom for the prizes because this is getting long! *huff* So many reviewers!
Enjoy!
A DEVIL'S THRILL
The door to his lab creaked when he opened it; Watari winced. 003 batted her wings in greeting; Watari winced. The chair squealed when he pulled it to sit on it; Watari winced. His head made a loud thump when it fell on his folded arms; Watari groaned.
"Bad, bad sake!" he whined.
003 flew by his side and stared at him in concern.
"Don't breathe so loud...onegai."
This was all Tatsumi's fault. What would compel the shadow master to give him such good news when he was near liquor?!
Watari's head throbbed; his mouth had this funny taste in it and his mind was foggy. He couldn't remember much after Tatsumi told him he could carry on with his investigation. There were some flashes of memories he was hoping were a product of his imagination.
Watari groping Tatsumi; Watari telling Tatsumi that he loved him; Tatsumi carrying him like a bride through the threshold all the way to his apartment; Tatsumi helping him undress...
Watari blushed. 003 looked at him curiously and he frowned.
"Too bad I can't remember the part when he took advantage of my inebriated state." he mumbled.
"Who now?" came a cheery voice from behind him, and Watari jumped, making a very undignified landing on his behind.
"Waaaaaaaaah!" was his very eloquent response to the intruder, who happened to be Tsusuki. The dark haired man jumped in surprise at this and he too fell backwards, but his fall was stopped by the door.
"Waah! What are you yelling for?!" Tsusuki whined.
"You scared me! And don't scream so loudly please!" Watari winced at the sound of his own voice.
"Gomen..." he whispered, taking Watari's hand to help him up. "Daijobu?"
"Daijobu desu. Just hung over..." the scientist stood up and fixed his glasses with a sigh. "Ohayou, Tsusuki."
"Ohayou."
Watari took a sit back on his chair, while Tsusuki occupied the desk. The older man's feet hung losely, balancing back and forward like a child's would. Watari noted the smile on his friend's face and smiled as well.
"I take it you had fun last night?" he said with a knowing look.
"Apparently not more than you." Tsusuki retorted amusedly. Watari just groaned. Then inu Tsusuki made his appearance. "But yeah! It was great! We went to this restaurant that had all this tasty delicacies; and the deserts! It was glorious. Then we went to the movies, but I can't remember what we saw...er...never mind. And then we just took a walk, you know? Talked a bit. Then we just sat under a tree on the park and, you know...It didn't feel like a first date at all!" he didn't stop to breathe once; by the time he ended his speech, his face was turning from red too blue.
"That's wonderful, Tsusuki." Watari said somewhat detachedly. He then glanced at him suspiciously. "Have you told Hisoka?"
"Told Hisoka what?!" Tsusuki jumped defensively. Watari placed a hand on his shoulder and looked at him menacingly.
"*Do-Not-Yell*."
"Gomen..."
"I was asking if you've told Hisoka that you're seeing Hijiri, that's all."
Tsusuki looked down, embarrassed.
"No. But I don't know what business is of him anyway." he finished rather childishly. Watari waved a finger in front of his face.
"What I don't know is why you have to go around hiding something so important to you to your partner and friend if it's non of his concern. I'm sure he'll be happy for you."
'Of course he won't' Watari thought, 'but if someone doesn't help you two, you'll end up in a lot of pain.'
Tsusuki sighed.
"Is he, though? My friend, that is."
Watari frowned. He had to refrain himself from smacking the baka on the head.
"Of course he is!" he said a bit too loudly for his taste and winced yet again. "He may not show it, but he cares a lot about you. Don't be so selfish, Tsusuki." he ended with a scold.
Tsusuki got that lost puppy expression on his face; eyes shimmering and all.
"Selfish? Me? Why?" he whined.
"Look,..." Watari sighed, "I know how insecure you get about other people's feelings towards you. I understand. But you can't ignore the fact that Hisoka has been through hell and back; it's really hard for him to show affection like the rest of us. Don't judge him so quickly."
"You may be right..." Tsusuki stood up and avoided looking at Watari's face. "But I do know how he feels about me."
The lab door closed behind the older shinigami and Watari buried his face on his folded arms again in frustration.
-------------------
His friend. Pffffffffff
Hisoka wasn't his friend. Why would he be his friend?
Tatsumi and Watari were just used to him; they were too kind. Hijiri was plain crazy -not that he minded-. But Hisoka could feel what he felt. He saw him for what he really was. He could never be his friend.
Though Watari had been right about something. He had to tell Hisoka about Hijiri. Just this morning he'd gone straight to Watari's lab to avoid his partner because he felt guilty. He wouldn't be able to look at the young man in the face ever again if he was hiding something like that. At least if he told him, though Hisoka would despise him even further, he wouldn't get that feeling that he was doing something wrong every time he was thinking about Hijiri and Hisoka entered his thoughts; which was often.
Besides, the night before had been beyond wonderful. He felt warm inside just at the memory. There was nothing wrong with seeking a bit of company; easing his pain a little; which was exactly what Hijiri was doing for him. The night before not once he'd felt like a scum. Hijiri made him feel worthy; even if it was an illusion.
If he was forced to stay here; living against his most deep wishes, he'd cling to every illusion of happiness that came his way.
He poked his head inside his office, to see if his partner had already arrived. In fact he had, and wasn't looking that good. Hisoka was sitting on his desk, looking out the window with a faraway expression. Tsusuki got the impression that the boy was incredibly sad, and his heart throbbed. 'How I wish you'd let me help you', he thought, remembering then that he was a mess and couldn't help anyone; not even himself.
"Ohayou, Hisoka-chan." Tsusuki said timidly.
The young man shook himself from whatever he was thinking of and looked at him confusedly for a moment.
"Ohayou."
"I'm late, as usual." Tsusuki joked a little, letting out a nervous laugh.
"I didn't notice." Hisoka whispered.
Tsusuki frowned and approached the younger man carefully.
"Are you ok, 'Soka-chan?"
"Uhm?" Hisoka shook his head. "I'm ok."
"Can...can I talk to you about something?" Tsusuki thought he'd seize the opportunity. Hisoka didn't seem to be paying attention to him. He could tell him, Hisoka wouldn't bite his head off and all would be well.
"What?" Hisoka said softly, focusing his gaze back into the void.
"Well...you see...Hijiri...remember Hijiri? Er...he and I, you see..." Good Tsusuki, really smooth. "HijiriandIareseeingeachother!" he rushed and looked down, preparing himself for a blow that never came.
"I'm happy for you both." Hisoka whispered back and stood up, leaving the office without another word.
Tsusuki stared at him in wonder and concern, debating on whether he should go after him and make sure he was alright. His fears won though, and he staid behind with an eerie feeling on the pit of his stomach.
-------------------
The world had a surreal aura about it that morning. Hisoka, the empath, for the first in his life- and his after life- felt empty of all emotions.
He knew it wouldn't last. It was just like when you too cut deep and don't feel any pain. The damage is there, but the shock is too great so your nerves shut down. That was it. He was in shock.
Too many emotions that had overwhelmed him and now he walked in a daze; he was there, but really wasn't. Everything felt in slow motion and nothing seemed real.
He wondered curiously why, if he wasn't feeling anything, his eyes were stinging with unshed tears. They weren't grief tears, he realised. It was his body's way of telling him that all those emotions he wasn't feeling but were non-the-less there, had to come out somehow.
To top it all, he was incredibly sleepy. He hadn't been able to sleep. Not the night before.
When Tsusuki told him about his relationship with Hijiri though, something threatened to brake inside of him. Afraid that he'd brake down in front of the oblivious shinigami, he left the office and begun wandering through the emptied halls of the Shonkan division building.
That shadow of emotion kept growing inside of him and he started to feel out of breath. For some reason he begun quickening his pace, as if wanting to run away from some invisible monster. And that, summed to the fact that his eyes were unfocused and his sight blurry with tears, was why he didn't see the person walking towards him until it was too late.
The first thing he felt was something cold and sticky spilling all over his clothes; then he saw someone falling on his back and heard the sound of glass braking. He himself fell to the ground too, but made not attempt of getting up or move in the slightest.
"Kuso!" he heard a familiar voice yell, with an unfamiliar hint of emotion in it. "Hisoka-chan! What's gotten into you? Are you making a sport out of knocking people of their feet now?!" Tatsumi's angry tone seemed to trigger something in him; Hisoka looked at the shadow master for a few seconds before bursting out in tears. "Hisoka?" Now the tone was softer, filled with concern. "Hisoka-chan, what's wrong?"
Tatsumi moved to kneel next to the young man, putting an arm around his shoulders that were shaking with sobs. Hisoka couldn't stop himself; he just buried his face on Tatsumi's chest. The shadow master said nothing about his now ruined suit, he just hugged the young man tight and rubbed his back in circles to soothe him.
"Shhh...it's ok...let it all out..."
"I...I'm sorry!" Hisoka cried.
Tatsumi staid by his side until the sobs subsided, whispering words of reassurance. Hisoka figured he must have really looked a mess to get the older man's sympathy. Eventually, hiccupping and with his face all red and humid, Hisoka pulled away.
"I'm sorry, Tatsumi-san...I don't...I..."
Tatsumi shook his head and waved him off.
"It's ok. I can see you don't feel well so, just for today, why don't you go back home and rest? You need to change your clothes anyway; I spilled orange juice all over them."
Hisoka nodded and stood up. He thought he saw a hint of a smile on the older man's face. He was eternally grateful that he hadn't asked about what had caused his outburst; he didn't think he could talk about it without braking down again.
"I'm so sorry." he whispered. Tatsumi stood up and patted his back.
"Go now. I'll tell your partner that you're ill, ok?"
"Ok, thank you."
Incredibly enough, he felt better. The pressure on his chest was gone and he could think more clearly now. He had to keep his head clear. This kind of behaviour endangered all his resolves and he had to keep himself together.
For a long time all he'd felt was a desire for revenge. His reason to become a shinigami had been seeing Muraki dead. Now his reason for living was Tsusuki; Tsusuki's happiness beyond his own. Even if it hurt like hell, he'd see to it that Tsusuki was happy. Even if it wasn't him the one Tsusuki loved.
--------------------
Wearing a new suit and carrying a new glass of orange juice, Tatsumi left Tsusuki's office after informing him that his partner had left for the day.
He'd seen Tsusuki's concerned look. How blind can two people be? Surely it wasn't that hard to see that someone loved you, less alone that you loved someone? He thought he heard someone laughing at him, but he shrugged it off.
Resolved to carry on with his mission, Tatsumi made his way to Watari's lab feeling unusually cheery. The night before they'd had a great time, until Watari passed out from drunkenness, that is. He'd drank a bit too, though never enough to lose control over himself. But the scientist drank to celebrate the same way he did everything; with a healthy share of enthusiasm.
Tatsumi smiled wickedly. Now he had a few things on his side to tease Watari 'til the end of time.
He knocked on the door softly and heard a muffled 'come in', so he did.
Watari was sitting limply on his chair, arms folded on his desk and head buried between them. All Tatsumi could see of his friend was a mass of dishelved blond hair and a wrinkled white lab coat.
"Konnichi wa, Watari." he said amusedly.
The scientist lifted his head and looked at him with venom.
"*Your-Fault.*" he spat before letting his head drop again.
"Awww, c'mon!" he patted his friend's back. "It was fun."
"Sure it was, for you!" Watari sat straight then, looking miserable. "I finally get the chance to keep researching and I can't even hold a test tube without dropping it!"
"I didn't force that bottle of sake down your throat, did I?" Tatsumi sat next to Watari on his desk and handed the glass to the scientist. "Here, drink this. It'll make you feel better."
"You're so mean." Watari took the glass form him and downed the contents greedily.
"You didn't think that about me last night." Tatsumi smirked.
Watari blushed furiously.
"You pervert!" he said, mock indignation, "Getting me drunk to take advantage of poor, innocent me, ne? I'm sure you enjoyed undressing me!"
The shadow master felt his cheeks starting to burn slightly.
"In any case it was the other way around! You were the one doing all the groping!" Tatsumi noted that his tone had gotten a tad defensive. "I'm never taking you out again! I'd expected something like this from Tsusuki, but you? You're a danger near alcohol!"
Watari's eyes shimmered.
"You're never taking me out again? After all we'd been through? What was I, a one night stand?"
Really frustrated now, Tatsumi stood up and begun pacing the room.
"Nothing happened!"
Watari snorted.
"Pfffff! Don't I know it! And now I can't even do my experiments. All that work in getting myself all drunk and vulnerable, for nothing!" he said, sounding regretful.
Realising he was being teased, Tatsumi took a deep breath and sat back down.
"Really, Watari..." he said wearily, with a smile on his face. "What's your obsession with that stupid formula anyway? You can do that tomorrow."
"You don't understand." the scientist whined.
"No, I don't. Why don't you explain it to me?"
Tatsumi noticed that Watari's entire demeanour changed in an instant. The genki blond got a faraway look on his face and sighed sadly.
"When I was alive..." he begun, his tone making it clear that what he was saying was very important to him. "...I always felt awkward. You'll laugh but, I didn't feel like I'd gotten the body I was supposed to have...you know what I mean?" there was a slight blush on his cheeks. Tatsumi nodded. "In those days you couldn't...you know...change. I got this idea in my head and...It seems silly to stop trying now. Don't you think?"
"You feel like...like a...you want to be a woman?" Tatsumi was really shocked, seeing his friend showing so much insecurity about his person. Watari was supposed to be extra confident, wasn't he?
Watari shook his head no.
"It's not really that I'm a man; I'm used to it by now. But...I just want people to see me and...I don't know...see *me*. Do I make sense?"
Tatsumi nodded dazedly. He didn't fought the urge to cup his friend's cheek. Watari watched him wide-eyed.
"Don't ever change. Please?" Tatsumi said with a shaky voice.
"Tatsumi?" the scientist whispered as Tatsumi leaned closer to him.
"Never; never change." he said softly before covering Watari's lips with his own.
TBC
Mwahahaha! Evil cliff-hanger! :)
Denial is not just a river in Egypt, ne? Don't worry, this is about to get interesting...maybe...heh heh heh-
Time for a Konnie-chan poll! (yeah, poll; not contest, but you still get prizes)
1) I'm planning to introduce a certain citrus element, maybe next chapter, maybe not. Forget about lemon; I do not do lemon. But I don't really know what's considered lime. I'm thinking it'll be more of an orange or a tangerine. But if you don't want that, I won't do it.* Tell me what you want! What you really, really want!*
2) Do you want to tell me who's gonna get Tsusuki in the end? If the answer is no by a majority, then you can always e-mail me, and I'll tell you. What I won't tell you is how H one or two will get Tsusuki. I want you to read 'til the end! @-@
3) Should I keep giving prizes to those who review? heh heh heh
Onto the prizes:
First of all, to Aikawa Fuuko. GOMEN NASAI!!! I swear on my little bird's grave that ff.net didn't send me an e-mail with your review!!! *cries* Please forgive me!!!! You get one inu Tsusuki plushie for the exclamation marks, one Hisoka plushie just for reviewing, and Watari cookies because I forgot about you. Don't hate me!! Please! T-T
Kirei aya, I didn't forget about you, your review for ch.2 came just after I'd posted chapter three. You get an inu Tsusuki plushie for that one. And for your review of ch.3 you get a plushie of your bishie of choice as well as Watari cookies. They're extra sweet! @-@ *looks inside the plushie basket* I'm running out of plushies!
Miyahara Yuuki: *blinks* What black hair? *blinks* HIJIRI'S! (now is when I get a hundred reviews telling me Hijiri doesn't really have black hair, but dark brown. Though no one seemed to notice when I said Tsusuki had black hair...) About the Japanese thingy, I know, I know *cries* but I swear I read Watari meant ferry, then I found another definition that said it meant to travel over sea or river. See? I wasn't that far off. And umi means sea, but Watatsumi too, I think. Do you want Watari and Tatsumi plushies? They come with 003 as an extra! Btw, my mom also teases me; for some 'non-racist' reason (not sarcasm here, my mom is just weird), she doesn't like Japanese stuff- she says she doesn't understand them*shrugs*- and she says I'm doing it just to piss her off.
Miko, for a moment there I thought you were flaming me *cries* I'm too sensitive, I know. Still, I'm glad you like the story. You get a Watari plushie (you'll have to review again to get Tatsumi ^-^) . And don't think I haven't thought about that too! It's all coming, just wait and see!
Serenity, *bats Serenity's hands away from the plushie basket* Thank you for reviewing ch.2 twice but no, I won't give you four plushies for one chapter! *gets a Tatsumi expression* You greedy, you. Still, since you reviewed chapter three, you get a Hijiri plushie! OH, don't look at me like that...ok, ok...and Hijiri cookies so you stop crying for your favourite fiddler.
Suzaku1; Doomo arigato gozaimasu!!!! *-*, I really needed that. I should have asked what year was he born in. TY. Lemme see...*looks into her plushie basket* *rustle-rustle* One inu Tsusuki plushie for you...*rustle* one Hisoka plushie and...*rustle* oh, do you want Watari cookies? If you want something else, we can work it out.
An inu Tsusuki for Dib. I also needed his age (that's what I asked for, lol, baka no Konnie!), so thank you very much to you too. And also a Hisoka plushie just for reviewing.
Last but not least, A Muraki plushie for Nakkie! I've been asking how to get Muraki fit into all of this, and you just gave me an idea!
@-@ *looks at her empty basket* Oh darn...I'll have to start cooking!
Did I forget someone this time?
I wrote this twice- hence, the delay, gomen!- the first version of this chapter was a lot shorter and nothing really happened, so I threw it away and started it all over again this morning. This chappy has a weird dynamic, I love it! I had lots of fun writing it. I hope you like it too!
Check the bottom for the prizes because this is getting long! *huff* So many reviewers!
Enjoy!
A DEVIL'S THRILL
The door to his lab creaked when he opened it; Watari winced. 003 batted her wings in greeting; Watari winced. The chair squealed when he pulled it to sit on it; Watari winced. His head made a loud thump when it fell on his folded arms; Watari groaned.
"Bad, bad sake!" he whined.
003 flew by his side and stared at him in concern.
"Don't breathe so loud...onegai."
This was all Tatsumi's fault. What would compel the shadow master to give him such good news when he was near liquor?!
Watari's head throbbed; his mouth had this funny taste in it and his mind was foggy. He couldn't remember much after Tatsumi told him he could carry on with his investigation. There were some flashes of memories he was hoping were a product of his imagination.
Watari groping Tatsumi; Watari telling Tatsumi that he loved him; Tatsumi carrying him like a bride through the threshold all the way to his apartment; Tatsumi helping him undress...
Watari blushed. 003 looked at him curiously and he frowned.
"Too bad I can't remember the part when he took advantage of my inebriated state." he mumbled.
"Who now?" came a cheery voice from behind him, and Watari jumped, making a very undignified landing on his behind.
"Waaaaaaaaah!" was his very eloquent response to the intruder, who happened to be Tsusuki. The dark haired man jumped in surprise at this and he too fell backwards, but his fall was stopped by the door.
"Waah! What are you yelling for?!" Tsusuki whined.
"You scared me! And don't scream so loudly please!" Watari winced at the sound of his own voice.
"Gomen..." he whispered, taking Watari's hand to help him up. "Daijobu?"
"Daijobu desu. Just hung over..." the scientist stood up and fixed his glasses with a sigh. "Ohayou, Tsusuki."
"Ohayou."
Watari took a sit back on his chair, while Tsusuki occupied the desk. The older man's feet hung losely, balancing back and forward like a child's would. Watari noted the smile on his friend's face and smiled as well.
"I take it you had fun last night?" he said with a knowing look.
"Apparently not more than you." Tsusuki retorted amusedly. Watari just groaned. Then inu Tsusuki made his appearance. "But yeah! It was great! We went to this restaurant that had all this tasty delicacies; and the deserts! It was glorious. Then we went to the movies, but I can't remember what we saw...er...never mind. And then we just took a walk, you know? Talked a bit. Then we just sat under a tree on the park and, you know...It didn't feel like a first date at all!" he didn't stop to breathe once; by the time he ended his speech, his face was turning from red too blue.
"That's wonderful, Tsusuki." Watari said somewhat detachedly. He then glanced at him suspiciously. "Have you told Hisoka?"
"Told Hisoka what?!" Tsusuki jumped defensively. Watari placed a hand on his shoulder and looked at him menacingly.
"*Do-Not-Yell*."
"Gomen..."
"I was asking if you've told Hisoka that you're seeing Hijiri, that's all."
Tsusuki looked down, embarrassed.
"No. But I don't know what business is of him anyway." he finished rather childishly. Watari waved a finger in front of his face.
"What I don't know is why you have to go around hiding something so important to you to your partner and friend if it's non of his concern. I'm sure he'll be happy for you."
'Of course he won't' Watari thought, 'but if someone doesn't help you two, you'll end up in a lot of pain.'
Tsusuki sighed.
"Is he, though? My friend, that is."
Watari frowned. He had to refrain himself from smacking the baka on the head.
"Of course he is!" he said a bit too loudly for his taste and winced yet again. "He may not show it, but he cares a lot about you. Don't be so selfish, Tsusuki." he ended with a scold.
Tsusuki got that lost puppy expression on his face; eyes shimmering and all.
"Selfish? Me? Why?" he whined.
"Look,..." Watari sighed, "I know how insecure you get about other people's feelings towards you. I understand. But you can't ignore the fact that Hisoka has been through hell and back; it's really hard for him to show affection like the rest of us. Don't judge him so quickly."
"You may be right..." Tsusuki stood up and avoided looking at Watari's face. "But I do know how he feels about me."
The lab door closed behind the older shinigami and Watari buried his face on his folded arms again in frustration.
-------------------
His friend. Pffffffffff
Hisoka wasn't his friend. Why would he be his friend?
Tatsumi and Watari were just used to him; they were too kind. Hijiri was plain crazy -not that he minded-. But Hisoka could feel what he felt. He saw him for what he really was. He could never be his friend.
Though Watari had been right about something. He had to tell Hisoka about Hijiri. Just this morning he'd gone straight to Watari's lab to avoid his partner because he felt guilty. He wouldn't be able to look at the young man in the face ever again if he was hiding something like that. At least if he told him, though Hisoka would despise him even further, he wouldn't get that feeling that he was doing something wrong every time he was thinking about Hijiri and Hisoka entered his thoughts; which was often.
Besides, the night before had been beyond wonderful. He felt warm inside just at the memory. There was nothing wrong with seeking a bit of company; easing his pain a little; which was exactly what Hijiri was doing for him. The night before not once he'd felt like a scum. Hijiri made him feel worthy; even if it was an illusion.
If he was forced to stay here; living against his most deep wishes, he'd cling to every illusion of happiness that came his way.
He poked his head inside his office, to see if his partner had already arrived. In fact he had, and wasn't looking that good. Hisoka was sitting on his desk, looking out the window with a faraway expression. Tsusuki got the impression that the boy was incredibly sad, and his heart throbbed. 'How I wish you'd let me help you', he thought, remembering then that he was a mess and couldn't help anyone; not even himself.
"Ohayou, Hisoka-chan." Tsusuki said timidly.
The young man shook himself from whatever he was thinking of and looked at him confusedly for a moment.
"Ohayou."
"I'm late, as usual." Tsusuki joked a little, letting out a nervous laugh.
"I didn't notice." Hisoka whispered.
Tsusuki frowned and approached the younger man carefully.
"Are you ok, 'Soka-chan?"
"Uhm?" Hisoka shook his head. "I'm ok."
"Can...can I talk to you about something?" Tsusuki thought he'd seize the opportunity. Hisoka didn't seem to be paying attention to him. He could tell him, Hisoka wouldn't bite his head off and all would be well.
"What?" Hisoka said softly, focusing his gaze back into the void.
"Well...you see...Hijiri...remember Hijiri? Er...he and I, you see..." Good Tsusuki, really smooth. "HijiriandIareseeingeachother!" he rushed and looked down, preparing himself for a blow that never came.
"I'm happy for you both." Hisoka whispered back and stood up, leaving the office without another word.
Tsusuki stared at him in wonder and concern, debating on whether he should go after him and make sure he was alright. His fears won though, and he staid behind with an eerie feeling on the pit of his stomach.
-------------------
The world had a surreal aura about it that morning. Hisoka, the empath, for the first in his life- and his after life- felt empty of all emotions.
He knew it wouldn't last. It was just like when you too cut deep and don't feel any pain. The damage is there, but the shock is too great so your nerves shut down. That was it. He was in shock.
Too many emotions that had overwhelmed him and now he walked in a daze; he was there, but really wasn't. Everything felt in slow motion and nothing seemed real.
He wondered curiously why, if he wasn't feeling anything, his eyes were stinging with unshed tears. They weren't grief tears, he realised. It was his body's way of telling him that all those emotions he wasn't feeling but were non-the-less there, had to come out somehow.
To top it all, he was incredibly sleepy. He hadn't been able to sleep. Not the night before.
When Tsusuki told him about his relationship with Hijiri though, something threatened to brake inside of him. Afraid that he'd brake down in front of the oblivious shinigami, he left the office and begun wandering through the emptied halls of the Shonkan division building.
That shadow of emotion kept growing inside of him and he started to feel out of breath. For some reason he begun quickening his pace, as if wanting to run away from some invisible monster. And that, summed to the fact that his eyes were unfocused and his sight blurry with tears, was why he didn't see the person walking towards him until it was too late.
The first thing he felt was something cold and sticky spilling all over his clothes; then he saw someone falling on his back and heard the sound of glass braking. He himself fell to the ground too, but made not attempt of getting up or move in the slightest.
"Kuso!" he heard a familiar voice yell, with an unfamiliar hint of emotion in it. "Hisoka-chan! What's gotten into you? Are you making a sport out of knocking people of their feet now?!" Tatsumi's angry tone seemed to trigger something in him; Hisoka looked at the shadow master for a few seconds before bursting out in tears. "Hisoka?" Now the tone was softer, filled with concern. "Hisoka-chan, what's wrong?"
Tatsumi moved to kneel next to the young man, putting an arm around his shoulders that were shaking with sobs. Hisoka couldn't stop himself; he just buried his face on Tatsumi's chest. The shadow master said nothing about his now ruined suit, he just hugged the young man tight and rubbed his back in circles to soothe him.
"Shhh...it's ok...let it all out..."
"I...I'm sorry!" Hisoka cried.
Tatsumi staid by his side until the sobs subsided, whispering words of reassurance. Hisoka figured he must have really looked a mess to get the older man's sympathy. Eventually, hiccupping and with his face all red and humid, Hisoka pulled away.
"I'm sorry, Tatsumi-san...I don't...I..."
Tatsumi shook his head and waved him off.
"It's ok. I can see you don't feel well so, just for today, why don't you go back home and rest? You need to change your clothes anyway; I spilled orange juice all over them."
Hisoka nodded and stood up. He thought he saw a hint of a smile on the older man's face. He was eternally grateful that he hadn't asked about what had caused his outburst; he didn't think he could talk about it without braking down again.
"I'm so sorry." he whispered. Tatsumi stood up and patted his back.
"Go now. I'll tell your partner that you're ill, ok?"
"Ok, thank you."
Incredibly enough, he felt better. The pressure on his chest was gone and he could think more clearly now. He had to keep his head clear. This kind of behaviour endangered all his resolves and he had to keep himself together.
For a long time all he'd felt was a desire for revenge. His reason to become a shinigami had been seeing Muraki dead. Now his reason for living was Tsusuki; Tsusuki's happiness beyond his own. Even if it hurt like hell, he'd see to it that Tsusuki was happy. Even if it wasn't him the one Tsusuki loved.
--------------------
Wearing a new suit and carrying a new glass of orange juice, Tatsumi left Tsusuki's office after informing him that his partner had left for the day.
He'd seen Tsusuki's concerned look. How blind can two people be? Surely it wasn't that hard to see that someone loved you, less alone that you loved someone? He thought he heard someone laughing at him, but he shrugged it off.
Resolved to carry on with his mission, Tatsumi made his way to Watari's lab feeling unusually cheery. The night before they'd had a great time, until Watari passed out from drunkenness, that is. He'd drank a bit too, though never enough to lose control over himself. But the scientist drank to celebrate the same way he did everything; with a healthy share of enthusiasm.
Tatsumi smiled wickedly. Now he had a few things on his side to tease Watari 'til the end of time.
He knocked on the door softly and heard a muffled 'come in', so he did.
Watari was sitting limply on his chair, arms folded on his desk and head buried between them. All Tatsumi could see of his friend was a mass of dishelved blond hair and a wrinkled white lab coat.
"Konnichi wa, Watari." he said amusedly.
The scientist lifted his head and looked at him with venom.
"*Your-Fault.*" he spat before letting his head drop again.
"Awww, c'mon!" he patted his friend's back. "It was fun."
"Sure it was, for you!" Watari sat straight then, looking miserable. "I finally get the chance to keep researching and I can't even hold a test tube without dropping it!"
"I didn't force that bottle of sake down your throat, did I?" Tatsumi sat next to Watari on his desk and handed the glass to the scientist. "Here, drink this. It'll make you feel better."
"You're so mean." Watari took the glass form him and downed the contents greedily.
"You didn't think that about me last night." Tatsumi smirked.
Watari blushed furiously.
"You pervert!" he said, mock indignation, "Getting me drunk to take advantage of poor, innocent me, ne? I'm sure you enjoyed undressing me!"
The shadow master felt his cheeks starting to burn slightly.
"In any case it was the other way around! You were the one doing all the groping!" Tatsumi noted that his tone had gotten a tad defensive. "I'm never taking you out again! I'd expected something like this from Tsusuki, but you? You're a danger near alcohol!"
Watari's eyes shimmered.
"You're never taking me out again? After all we'd been through? What was I, a one night stand?"
Really frustrated now, Tatsumi stood up and begun pacing the room.
"Nothing happened!"
Watari snorted.
"Pfffff! Don't I know it! And now I can't even do my experiments. All that work in getting myself all drunk and vulnerable, for nothing!" he said, sounding regretful.
Realising he was being teased, Tatsumi took a deep breath and sat back down.
"Really, Watari..." he said wearily, with a smile on his face. "What's your obsession with that stupid formula anyway? You can do that tomorrow."
"You don't understand." the scientist whined.
"No, I don't. Why don't you explain it to me?"
Tatsumi noticed that Watari's entire demeanour changed in an instant. The genki blond got a faraway look on his face and sighed sadly.
"When I was alive..." he begun, his tone making it clear that what he was saying was very important to him. "...I always felt awkward. You'll laugh but, I didn't feel like I'd gotten the body I was supposed to have...you know what I mean?" there was a slight blush on his cheeks. Tatsumi nodded. "In those days you couldn't...you know...change. I got this idea in my head and...It seems silly to stop trying now. Don't you think?"
"You feel like...like a...you want to be a woman?" Tatsumi was really shocked, seeing his friend showing so much insecurity about his person. Watari was supposed to be extra confident, wasn't he?
Watari shook his head no.
"It's not really that I'm a man; I'm used to it by now. But...I just want people to see me and...I don't know...see *me*. Do I make sense?"
Tatsumi nodded dazedly. He didn't fought the urge to cup his friend's cheek. Watari watched him wide-eyed.
"Don't ever change. Please?" Tatsumi said with a shaky voice.
"Tatsumi?" the scientist whispered as Tatsumi leaned closer to him.
"Never; never change." he said softly before covering Watari's lips with his own.
TBC
Mwahahaha! Evil cliff-hanger! :)
Denial is not just a river in Egypt, ne? Don't worry, this is about to get interesting...maybe...heh heh heh-
Time for a Konnie-chan poll! (yeah, poll; not contest, but you still get prizes)
1) I'm planning to introduce a certain citrus element, maybe next chapter, maybe not. Forget about lemon; I do not do lemon. But I don't really know what's considered lime. I'm thinking it'll be more of an orange or a tangerine. But if you don't want that, I won't do it.* Tell me what you want! What you really, really want!*
2) Do you want to tell me who's gonna get Tsusuki in the end? If the answer is no by a majority, then you can always e-mail me, and I'll tell you. What I won't tell you is how H one or two will get Tsusuki. I want you to read 'til the end! @-@
3) Should I keep giving prizes to those who review? heh heh heh
Onto the prizes:
First of all, to Aikawa Fuuko. GOMEN NASAI!!! I swear on my little bird's grave that ff.net didn't send me an e-mail with your review!!! *cries* Please forgive me!!!! You get one inu Tsusuki plushie for the exclamation marks, one Hisoka plushie just for reviewing, and Watari cookies because I forgot about you. Don't hate me!! Please! T-T
Kirei aya, I didn't forget about you, your review for ch.2 came just after I'd posted chapter three. You get an inu Tsusuki plushie for that one. And for your review of ch.3 you get a plushie of your bishie of choice as well as Watari cookies. They're extra sweet! @-@ *looks inside the plushie basket* I'm running out of plushies!
Miyahara Yuuki: *blinks* What black hair? *blinks* HIJIRI'S! (now is when I get a hundred reviews telling me Hijiri doesn't really have black hair, but dark brown. Though no one seemed to notice when I said Tsusuki had black hair...) About the Japanese thingy, I know, I know *cries* but I swear I read Watari meant ferry, then I found another definition that said it meant to travel over sea or river. See? I wasn't that far off. And umi means sea, but Watatsumi too, I think. Do you want Watari and Tatsumi plushies? They come with 003 as an extra! Btw, my mom also teases me; for some 'non-racist' reason (not sarcasm here, my mom is just weird), she doesn't like Japanese stuff- she says she doesn't understand them*shrugs*- and she says I'm doing it just to piss her off.
Miko, for a moment there I thought you were flaming me *cries* I'm too sensitive, I know. Still, I'm glad you like the story. You get a Watari plushie (you'll have to review again to get Tatsumi ^-^) . And don't think I haven't thought about that too! It's all coming, just wait and see!
Serenity, *bats Serenity's hands away from the plushie basket* Thank you for reviewing ch.2 twice but no, I won't give you four plushies for one chapter! *gets a Tatsumi expression* You greedy, you. Still, since you reviewed chapter three, you get a Hijiri plushie! OH, don't look at me like that...ok, ok...and Hijiri cookies so you stop crying for your favourite fiddler.
Suzaku1; Doomo arigato gozaimasu!!!! *-*, I really needed that. I should have asked what year was he born in. TY. Lemme see...*looks into her plushie basket* *rustle-rustle* One inu Tsusuki plushie for you...*rustle* one Hisoka plushie and...*rustle* oh, do you want Watari cookies? If you want something else, we can work it out.
An inu Tsusuki for Dib. I also needed his age (that's what I asked for, lol, baka no Konnie!), so thank you very much to you too. And also a Hisoka plushie just for reviewing.
Last but not least, A Muraki plushie for Nakkie! I've been asking how to get Muraki fit into all of this, and you just gave me an idea!
@-@ *looks at her empty basket* Oh darn...I'll have to start cooking!
Did I forget someone this time?