Missing chapter 2
Disclaimer: As usual I don't have any claims to the show, characters, or places. I just like to write them. I'm not making any money, and if you sue, trust me you'll get nothing! LOL
A/N: Please don't kill me for the Alex that is in this story! LOL I promise it all came from a dream! And I've even changed some things to make her more Alex, but this dream has been occupying my thoughts for the last few weeks, so I figured I would just get it written, and out of my system. Thank you for all of your kind reviews. They are my lifelines and what keeps me writing and sane. Please continue to review. Thank you. And enjoy this last, but much longer chapter.
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Alex sat in a chair right outside the restricted area. She wanted to know the moment something was going on with him, and she wasn't about to be hard to find for them to inform her. The bullet had obviously gone clean through but it damaged some organs. They were still assessing it all, and trying to stop the bleeding. It had only been about half an hour since they had arrived, but Alex was already going stir crazy.
Alex looked over at the front door when it opened. She sighed some relief to see Deakins and Carver there. Alex stood up as Deakins asked, "Any news."
Alex shook her head. She answered, "Not in the last twenty minutes."
Carver, Deakins, and Eames sat down. Carver looked over at Alex. He saw the fear in her eyes. He knew there were no words to make the pain go away. He decided to try to make her smile. He replied, "He's going to be OK. Bobby Goren is the biggest thorn in my side. He wouldn't give that up."
Alex smiled. She shook her head, and stated, "But you didn't see the blood. There was so much blood. Look at me! I'm covered in it."
Deakins nodded. He replied, "I know, but Bobby's a fighter. If anyone was going to make it, it would be him."
Alex smiled again. She knew they were right, but she couldn't help but worry. She replied, "I know. It's true. Hell, after it happened he wanted me to help him stand up. As if he was planning on walking somewhere."
Deakins shook his head. Bobby was stubborn. He replied, "Sounds about right."
Everyone stood up as a team of doctors walked out of the OR doors. The head doctor asked, "Detective Eames?"
Alex nodded. She answered, "That's me. What's going on? How's Bobby?"
The doctor took a deep breath. This was the part of his job he hated most. There were no words to make it easier. He just had to say it. After a short pause he replied, "Detective Goren lost too much blood too fast. We were never able to get it stop. I'm so sorry. He-he's gone."
With those words Alex's world came tumbling down around her. There was nothing that would ever make it better. She sat down in shock. She couldn't, no wouldn't hear anything else from anyone. Her whole world was shattered. How was she supposed to go on without her best friend? She began to weep uncontrollably. A part of her also died in that moment. Deakins sat down beside her, and held her as she cried. Carver sat down stunned himself. The doctor walked away.
After about another twenty minutes Alex was able to begin to pull herself together. She sat up now staring blankly, with the other two, into space. She finally weakly whispered, "Someone has to tell his mother. Do we even know how to get a hold of his brother?"
Without looking at her Deakins replied, "He never gave me any information about his brother."
Alex nodded. She wiped away some more tears. She got up, and said, "Doesn't surprise me. His mother was his world for an entire day every week. He would refuse to answer his cell phone. Did you know that?"
Deakins nodded. He smiled, and answered, "He was stubborn about that rule for himself."
Alex nodded. Fighting back a fresh set of tears she replied, "I've never once seen her. How am I supposed to tell her?"
Carver looked up at her. He replied, "You don't. The nurses will."
Alex nodded as began to walk towards the door. She shouted back, "I want to talk to Eric when I get back."
Deakins jumped up confused. He called to her, "Alex! Where are you going?"
Alex stopped and turned around. She replied, "To Carmel Ridge. I'm not telling these people over the phone."
Deakins shouted back, "But you don't even know where it is."
Alex turned around open the door and yelled back, "I'll find it!"
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Carver and Deakins sat in Deakins' office as they waited for Alex. No one dared speak a word. The entire precinct was quiet. Everyone was in shock. Bobby Goren was the best. It was a reminder that any of them could be killed at any time, and it was something no one wanted to talk about.
Alex walked into the station. Everything around her reminded her of Bobby. Tears began to fall before she even got to the squad room. Walking out of the elevator her eyes were immediately on his desk. Everyone stopped, making it that much more surreal. She began walking to their desks. She put her purse down at hers. Alex stared at his desk in front of her. She turned towards Deakins' office to keep from having to see his desk. She walked into his office. She quietly asked, "Where's Thompson?"
Deakins looked at Alex. He shook his head. He apologetically and quietly said, "I'm sorry Alex. You can't see him."
Anger flashed across Alex's face. She was shocked and angry. She yelled, "What do you mean I can't see him? I helped put him there. I need, I need to understand."
The resolve on Deakins face melted a little. He swallowed hard before replying, "Alex, I can't. Regulations won't."
Alex cut him off. She yelled at him, "I don't give a damn about regulations right now Captain."
Deakins and Carver sat stunned as Alex stormed out of the office. She stormed out of the room. She began walking down the hallway of interrogations rooms. She could only think about talking to Thompson. She nearly ran down the hallway to the last interrogation room. Inside she saw what she expected, two other detectives where questioning Thompson. Alex burst through the door, and she ordered them out. The ADA was protesting, while Carver and Deakins arrived in the outer room. Alex placed a chair to keep them all out.
With pure fury in her eyes she turned around now to face the worried looking Mr. Thompson. She had learned a lot from working with Bobby, not least of which were good intimidation tactics for interrogations. She fumed. She demanded, "Where are the kids Thompson? Where did you put them?"
Eric Thompson recognized her. The other two detectives had bored Eric, but he had to admit Eric found Goren fascination. Now, he was assuming he would find out how he was doing. He was a little worried. His partner, Alex, seemed a little upset. She was the one that he could read like a book. He figured it would be easy to get out of here easily though with her. He decided to continue to play dumb. He wasn't going to hand the prosecution their case on a silver platter. He was content to play their little game a little longer before asking for a lawyer. He coolly and softly replied, "I don't have them. I told you people my son is one of the missing kids. This has destroyed my whole life. Why would I do this?"
Alex was fuming still. She was getting madder by the second. She began pacing. She stopped thinking about how Bobby always did that. She couldn't think about him right now. But hell, whom was she kidding? It was all she was thinking about. She couldn't get him out of her mind. Everything including this room in general just flooded her with memories of working together for three years. Alex snorted. Was it really only three years? It felt like a lifetime. They were so in sync they practically knew what the other was thinking about. They made one of the most perfect partnerships the force had. And to think Bobby had so much trouble in the past keeping partners. Then when it was all so perfect, one little piece of metal destroyed everything. She roared at him, "How the hell are you so calm? Even if we don't get you on kidnapping, you'll get the needle for killing a cop! So tell me where the kids are!"
The silence and the look in her eye were beginning to make Eric nervous. Then she said the one thing that he least expected, Goren was dead. It had to be. What other cop would she be referring to? A wave of shock fell over the man. He never meant to hurt Bobby. He just wanted to scare him. He just wanted to get away. The gun had accidentally gone off. Hadn't she seen it? Suddenly it all made sense, the detective's demeanor, the chair in front of the door. She was angry. He weakly asked, "Goren?"
The look of shock and what seemed to be some sort of almost remorse surprised Alex. She thought he knew. Then he asked the question that proved to her that he didn't know. Of course it was Goren. She kept herself from wanting to cry again. It was obviously not a good idea to cry in front of this man. Alex sneered back, "Of course it was Goren. Shoot any other good cops today?"
Eric suddenly realized that Alex didn't know that he didn't know. It was almost comical. He kept a smile from even forming as he heard her comment back. She was covering up her surprise. He decided that was a very smart move, before soberly answering, "I didn't even mean to shoot him. I didn't want him dead. I liked him. He was a good guy, unlike me."
Alex shot her head straight into his eyes when he said it. She couldn't understand how dared to even try to excuse what he did to Bobby. She immediately demanded the answer to the one question that she wanted the answer to most, "Yeah! And you killed him! Why?"
As soon as he said he had known it was a mistake. Now he was going to have to explain. That's when she asked it. The question he expected next. He wasn't sure himself why. In fact he wished he could back and change what happened. He wasn't a murderer. His wife was just a necessity for him to be able to continue his work. These detectives were never supposed to get so close. He panicked when they began searching his office. He hadn't a plan for if he got caught. He just knew he had wanted to get away. He numbly answered, "I just wanted him to back off. I just wanted to get out. It was to get him to back off. I had only even held the thing twice before. I pulled the trigger without even meaning to. I swear I didn't mean to hurt Detective Goren. I was just trying to get away. You guys had gotten too close. I panicked. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. The kids. Their in an abandoned warehouse on 47th."
Alex stood in shock. Inexperience holding a gun killed Goren. It was an accident, and he would get off, but worse was that she of all people helped him get off. Alex was now feeling sick. It was all too much. She stood taking it in when an exceptionally loud bang on the door brought her out of her thoughts. Alex walked back to the door. She picked up the chair, and in a fit of anger over it all threw it against the back wall before opening the door finally. There in front of the door stood Deakins, Carver, the other ADA, and two other detectives. Alex mumbled, "He's all yours."
Everyone watched her walk out of the room. Deakins began to follow. He called after her, "What the hell do you think you were doing?"
Alex turned around to face her superior. She weakly informed him, "Do whatever you want to me. I really don't care."
Before Deakins could respond Alex had turned around and turned the corner. He began to follow her again. By this time the squad room was basically cleared out. He noticed her sitting at her desk tears rolling down her face. She sat in the dark. She noticed him walk in. She shook her head, and spat out, "I told you to do whatever you wanted. I don't care. Demote me, fire me, reprimand me, suspend me I don't care."
Deakins snorted. In the most comforting voice he could muster, James Deakins tried to sooth his hurting detective, "Alex, we're all hurting. We all cared about Bobby. Don't treat us like the enemy here. We want to help you. We'll talk about what you just pulled later."
Alex began to laugh wildly. Through her tears she painfully replied, "I just got him off! I know it! You know it! Everyone knows it! Look at this place. He'd still be here working on a normal day. He'd call me sometimes at close to one in the morning. I used to tease him sometimes because of it. He'd be here all hours and just get so excited about finding something he would call me! He used to sit and listen to me talk about a date or even one of my stupid romance novels. He used to pretend he wasn't listening by staring at some report. But I always knew. He heard every word. He'd say something later that would just to assure me that he was listening. Our partnership was his longest his entire time on the force. Three years. Can you imagine? The rest of the people here, I know what they say. They never understood him, and never even bothered to try. He told me once that it didn't bother him. That his record spoke for itself. God, I hope that's true. They never could see past his quirks. I don't know if a single one of them knew the real Bobby Goren. The one with a sense of humor, a heart, and was just like the rest of us."
By this time Deakins had sat down at another desk beside her. He replied, "He was a complicated person Alex. Not everyone got to work with him like we did."
Alex shook her head. She replied, "They chose to just believe the rumors and stories about him. He was just some sort of larger than life enigma that they didn't know what to make of."
Deakins nodded. He had to agree. It was the truth. Most of the NYPD only knew the legends and stories. Very few had gotten anywhere near the real Bobby Goren. He replied, "Alex, he has the highest arrest and conviction record of anyone. Even if they didn't know him they respected him. He was an inspiration. He'll live forever here."
Alex began crying again. She dryly replied, "No he won't. Stories, lies, and rumors will live on. But it's how he would want it."
Deakins nodded. He dejectedly replied, "Yeah."
Alex smiled. She answered, "He'd be ill at the thought of everyone knowing his life story."
Deakins nodded knowing she was right. Bobby would wince at the thought of someone in the department finding about his mother, brother, or father. He gave Alex another, "Yeah."
Alex gave another deep sigh. She got up out of her seat, and walked over to Bobby's desk. She stared at it intently before commenting, "He was also so neat. Everything has a place on his desk here. It's the same at home. He was the worst kind of perfectionist, the one who carried it into everything about them. He always kept his emotions under control. It was all about control and perfection."
Deakins nodded. He never remembered once seeing Bobby's desk really messy. Alex found herself staring at his perfectly stacked piles of reports and paperwork to do. It angered her for some reason to see them. It was paperwork Bobby would never do. It sickened her. The more she stared the angrier she got. She violently picked up smaller stacks of paper, and began throwing them at the wall screaming, "Damn you Bobby Goren! How dare you leave me!"
Deakins was immediately on his feet. By her side, he grabbed her arms. Alex's eyes immediately went to his. Tears fell down her cheek. He whispered, "Alex! You have to stop."
Alex began sobbing now. Pulling away from Deakins she collapsed into Bobby's chair. Deakins just stared. Alex finally got up and grabbed her purse. Mumbling, "I can't stay here."
Deakins watched as Alex was nearly running for the door. His yelling stopped her before she got to the elevator, "I'll see you at the funeral."
The funeral was three days later. Alex, like the others, dutifully wore her dress uniform. She felt numb now. She had cried for most of the entire three days and wasn't sure there were any more tears to come at this point. Seeing as she was the closest thing Bobby had to family, Alex agreed to do the eulogy.
Alex stood up in front of the crowd of people who had gathered. Looking out into the mass she could tell that most of them were fellow cops. She took a deep breath, and began, "No matter who they are, or what department they're in, if you work in the New York City Police Department, chances are you've heard of Robert Goren. You've probably heard the stories about his interrogations techniques, his crime scene methods, or even his odd behavior in the squad room,
"He was most definitely one of a kind. He was the greatest profiler I've ever had the pleasure of working with. His interrogation techniques were among the greatest I've ever seen. He was a controlled perfectionist. He was quiet, reserved, secretive, and private. Most of you will never know the pain he carried with him though. He refused to live his life from the past. What most of you do know were his quirks, the little things that made Goren, Goren. Despite all of these things you guys probably do know, I doubt hardly any of you know what made him such a great detective and my best friend. The secret of his success was his heart. He took every crime to heart. He wouldn't rest until he solved it. He loved the challenge and piecing it all together like a puzzle. But he mostly loved it because he could get justice for someone. It was this heart that made him care so deeply. This heart helped him to be one of the sweetest men I ever met. He was among the last of a dying breed, a true gentleman. I can't hardly recall a time where he didn't hold open a door for me, pull out a chair for me to sit, or just plain ask how I was feeling because he wanted to make sure I didn't need something. Bobby Goren was a complicated, fascinating person. No one will ever take his place. He was most definitely one of a kind. It's why he'll be so missed."
Disclaimer: As usual I don't have any claims to the show, characters, or places. I just like to write them. I'm not making any money, and if you sue, trust me you'll get nothing! LOL
A/N: Please don't kill me for the Alex that is in this story! LOL I promise it all came from a dream! And I've even changed some things to make her more Alex, but this dream has been occupying my thoughts for the last few weeks, so I figured I would just get it written, and out of my system. Thank you for all of your kind reviews. They are my lifelines and what keeps me writing and sane. Please continue to review. Thank you. And enjoy this last, but much longer chapter.
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Alex sat in a chair right outside the restricted area. She wanted to know the moment something was going on with him, and she wasn't about to be hard to find for them to inform her. The bullet had obviously gone clean through but it damaged some organs. They were still assessing it all, and trying to stop the bleeding. It had only been about half an hour since they had arrived, but Alex was already going stir crazy.
Alex looked over at the front door when it opened. She sighed some relief to see Deakins and Carver there. Alex stood up as Deakins asked, "Any news."
Alex shook her head. She answered, "Not in the last twenty minutes."
Carver, Deakins, and Eames sat down. Carver looked over at Alex. He saw the fear in her eyes. He knew there were no words to make the pain go away. He decided to try to make her smile. He replied, "He's going to be OK. Bobby Goren is the biggest thorn in my side. He wouldn't give that up."
Alex smiled. She shook her head, and stated, "But you didn't see the blood. There was so much blood. Look at me! I'm covered in it."
Deakins nodded. He replied, "I know, but Bobby's a fighter. If anyone was going to make it, it would be him."
Alex smiled again. She knew they were right, but she couldn't help but worry. She replied, "I know. It's true. Hell, after it happened he wanted me to help him stand up. As if he was planning on walking somewhere."
Deakins shook his head. Bobby was stubborn. He replied, "Sounds about right."
Everyone stood up as a team of doctors walked out of the OR doors. The head doctor asked, "Detective Eames?"
Alex nodded. She answered, "That's me. What's going on? How's Bobby?"
The doctor took a deep breath. This was the part of his job he hated most. There were no words to make it easier. He just had to say it. After a short pause he replied, "Detective Goren lost too much blood too fast. We were never able to get it stop. I'm so sorry. He-he's gone."
With those words Alex's world came tumbling down around her. There was nothing that would ever make it better. She sat down in shock. She couldn't, no wouldn't hear anything else from anyone. Her whole world was shattered. How was she supposed to go on without her best friend? She began to weep uncontrollably. A part of her also died in that moment. Deakins sat down beside her, and held her as she cried. Carver sat down stunned himself. The doctor walked away.
After about another twenty minutes Alex was able to begin to pull herself together. She sat up now staring blankly, with the other two, into space. She finally weakly whispered, "Someone has to tell his mother. Do we even know how to get a hold of his brother?"
Without looking at her Deakins replied, "He never gave me any information about his brother."
Alex nodded. She wiped away some more tears. She got up, and said, "Doesn't surprise me. His mother was his world for an entire day every week. He would refuse to answer his cell phone. Did you know that?"
Deakins nodded. He smiled, and answered, "He was stubborn about that rule for himself."
Alex nodded. Fighting back a fresh set of tears she replied, "I've never once seen her. How am I supposed to tell her?"
Carver looked up at her. He replied, "You don't. The nurses will."
Alex nodded as began to walk towards the door. She shouted back, "I want to talk to Eric when I get back."
Deakins jumped up confused. He called to her, "Alex! Where are you going?"
Alex stopped and turned around. She replied, "To Carmel Ridge. I'm not telling these people over the phone."
Deakins shouted back, "But you don't even know where it is."
Alex turned around open the door and yelled back, "I'll find it!"
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Carver and Deakins sat in Deakins' office as they waited for Alex. No one dared speak a word. The entire precinct was quiet. Everyone was in shock. Bobby Goren was the best. It was a reminder that any of them could be killed at any time, and it was something no one wanted to talk about.
Alex walked into the station. Everything around her reminded her of Bobby. Tears began to fall before she even got to the squad room. Walking out of the elevator her eyes were immediately on his desk. Everyone stopped, making it that much more surreal. She began walking to their desks. She put her purse down at hers. Alex stared at his desk in front of her. She turned towards Deakins' office to keep from having to see his desk. She walked into his office. She quietly asked, "Where's Thompson?"
Deakins looked at Alex. He shook his head. He apologetically and quietly said, "I'm sorry Alex. You can't see him."
Anger flashed across Alex's face. She was shocked and angry. She yelled, "What do you mean I can't see him? I helped put him there. I need, I need to understand."
The resolve on Deakins face melted a little. He swallowed hard before replying, "Alex, I can't. Regulations won't."
Alex cut him off. She yelled at him, "I don't give a damn about regulations right now Captain."
Deakins and Carver sat stunned as Alex stormed out of the office. She stormed out of the room. She began walking down the hallway of interrogations rooms. She could only think about talking to Thompson. She nearly ran down the hallway to the last interrogation room. Inside she saw what she expected, two other detectives where questioning Thompson. Alex burst through the door, and she ordered them out. The ADA was protesting, while Carver and Deakins arrived in the outer room. Alex placed a chair to keep them all out.
With pure fury in her eyes she turned around now to face the worried looking Mr. Thompson. She had learned a lot from working with Bobby, not least of which were good intimidation tactics for interrogations. She fumed. She demanded, "Where are the kids Thompson? Where did you put them?"
Eric Thompson recognized her. The other two detectives had bored Eric, but he had to admit Eric found Goren fascination. Now, he was assuming he would find out how he was doing. He was a little worried. His partner, Alex, seemed a little upset. She was the one that he could read like a book. He figured it would be easy to get out of here easily though with her. He decided to continue to play dumb. He wasn't going to hand the prosecution their case on a silver platter. He was content to play their little game a little longer before asking for a lawyer. He coolly and softly replied, "I don't have them. I told you people my son is one of the missing kids. This has destroyed my whole life. Why would I do this?"
Alex was fuming still. She was getting madder by the second. She began pacing. She stopped thinking about how Bobby always did that. She couldn't think about him right now. But hell, whom was she kidding? It was all she was thinking about. She couldn't get him out of her mind. Everything including this room in general just flooded her with memories of working together for three years. Alex snorted. Was it really only three years? It felt like a lifetime. They were so in sync they practically knew what the other was thinking about. They made one of the most perfect partnerships the force had. And to think Bobby had so much trouble in the past keeping partners. Then when it was all so perfect, one little piece of metal destroyed everything. She roared at him, "How the hell are you so calm? Even if we don't get you on kidnapping, you'll get the needle for killing a cop! So tell me where the kids are!"
The silence and the look in her eye were beginning to make Eric nervous. Then she said the one thing that he least expected, Goren was dead. It had to be. What other cop would she be referring to? A wave of shock fell over the man. He never meant to hurt Bobby. He just wanted to scare him. He just wanted to get away. The gun had accidentally gone off. Hadn't she seen it? Suddenly it all made sense, the detective's demeanor, the chair in front of the door. She was angry. He weakly asked, "Goren?"
The look of shock and what seemed to be some sort of almost remorse surprised Alex. She thought he knew. Then he asked the question that proved to her that he didn't know. Of course it was Goren. She kept herself from wanting to cry again. It was obviously not a good idea to cry in front of this man. Alex sneered back, "Of course it was Goren. Shoot any other good cops today?"
Eric suddenly realized that Alex didn't know that he didn't know. It was almost comical. He kept a smile from even forming as he heard her comment back. She was covering up her surprise. He decided that was a very smart move, before soberly answering, "I didn't even mean to shoot him. I didn't want him dead. I liked him. He was a good guy, unlike me."
Alex shot her head straight into his eyes when he said it. She couldn't understand how dared to even try to excuse what he did to Bobby. She immediately demanded the answer to the one question that she wanted the answer to most, "Yeah! And you killed him! Why?"
As soon as he said he had known it was a mistake. Now he was going to have to explain. That's when she asked it. The question he expected next. He wasn't sure himself why. In fact he wished he could back and change what happened. He wasn't a murderer. His wife was just a necessity for him to be able to continue his work. These detectives were never supposed to get so close. He panicked when they began searching his office. He hadn't a plan for if he got caught. He just knew he had wanted to get away. He numbly answered, "I just wanted him to back off. I just wanted to get out. It was to get him to back off. I had only even held the thing twice before. I pulled the trigger without even meaning to. I swear I didn't mean to hurt Detective Goren. I was just trying to get away. You guys had gotten too close. I panicked. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. The kids. Their in an abandoned warehouse on 47th."
Alex stood in shock. Inexperience holding a gun killed Goren. It was an accident, and he would get off, but worse was that she of all people helped him get off. Alex was now feeling sick. It was all too much. She stood taking it in when an exceptionally loud bang on the door brought her out of her thoughts. Alex walked back to the door. She picked up the chair, and in a fit of anger over it all threw it against the back wall before opening the door finally. There in front of the door stood Deakins, Carver, the other ADA, and two other detectives. Alex mumbled, "He's all yours."
Everyone watched her walk out of the room. Deakins began to follow. He called after her, "What the hell do you think you were doing?"
Alex turned around to face her superior. She weakly informed him, "Do whatever you want to me. I really don't care."
Before Deakins could respond Alex had turned around and turned the corner. He began to follow her again. By this time the squad room was basically cleared out. He noticed her sitting at her desk tears rolling down her face. She sat in the dark. She noticed him walk in. She shook her head, and spat out, "I told you to do whatever you wanted. I don't care. Demote me, fire me, reprimand me, suspend me I don't care."
Deakins snorted. In the most comforting voice he could muster, James Deakins tried to sooth his hurting detective, "Alex, we're all hurting. We all cared about Bobby. Don't treat us like the enemy here. We want to help you. We'll talk about what you just pulled later."
Alex began to laugh wildly. Through her tears she painfully replied, "I just got him off! I know it! You know it! Everyone knows it! Look at this place. He'd still be here working on a normal day. He'd call me sometimes at close to one in the morning. I used to tease him sometimes because of it. He'd be here all hours and just get so excited about finding something he would call me! He used to sit and listen to me talk about a date or even one of my stupid romance novels. He used to pretend he wasn't listening by staring at some report. But I always knew. He heard every word. He'd say something later that would just to assure me that he was listening. Our partnership was his longest his entire time on the force. Three years. Can you imagine? The rest of the people here, I know what they say. They never understood him, and never even bothered to try. He told me once that it didn't bother him. That his record spoke for itself. God, I hope that's true. They never could see past his quirks. I don't know if a single one of them knew the real Bobby Goren. The one with a sense of humor, a heart, and was just like the rest of us."
By this time Deakins had sat down at another desk beside her. He replied, "He was a complicated person Alex. Not everyone got to work with him like we did."
Alex shook her head. She replied, "They chose to just believe the rumors and stories about him. He was just some sort of larger than life enigma that they didn't know what to make of."
Deakins nodded. He had to agree. It was the truth. Most of the NYPD only knew the legends and stories. Very few had gotten anywhere near the real Bobby Goren. He replied, "Alex, he has the highest arrest and conviction record of anyone. Even if they didn't know him they respected him. He was an inspiration. He'll live forever here."
Alex began crying again. She dryly replied, "No he won't. Stories, lies, and rumors will live on. But it's how he would want it."
Deakins nodded. He dejectedly replied, "Yeah."
Alex smiled. She answered, "He'd be ill at the thought of everyone knowing his life story."
Deakins nodded knowing she was right. Bobby would wince at the thought of someone in the department finding about his mother, brother, or father. He gave Alex another, "Yeah."
Alex gave another deep sigh. She got up out of her seat, and walked over to Bobby's desk. She stared at it intently before commenting, "He was also so neat. Everything has a place on his desk here. It's the same at home. He was the worst kind of perfectionist, the one who carried it into everything about them. He always kept his emotions under control. It was all about control and perfection."
Deakins nodded. He never remembered once seeing Bobby's desk really messy. Alex found herself staring at his perfectly stacked piles of reports and paperwork to do. It angered her for some reason to see them. It was paperwork Bobby would never do. It sickened her. The more she stared the angrier she got. She violently picked up smaller stacks of paper, and began throwing them at the wall screaming, "Damn you Bobby Goren! How dare you leave me!"
Deakins was immediately on his feet. By her side, he grabbed her arms. Alex's eyes immediately went to his. Tears fell down her cheek. He whispered, "Alex! You have to stop."
Alex began sobbing now. Pulling away from Deakins she collapsed into Bobby's chair. Deakins just stared. Alex finally got up and grabbed her purse. Mumbling, "I can't stay here."
Deakins watched as Alex was nearly running for the door. His yelling stopped her before she got to the elevator, "I'll see you at the funeral."
The funeral was three days later. Alex, like the others, dutifully wore her dress uniform. She felt numb now. She had cried for most of the entire three days and wasn't sure there were any more tears to come at this point. Seeing as she was the closest thing Bobby had to family, Alex agreed to do the eulogy.
Alex stood up in front of the crowd of people who had gathered. Looking out into the mass she could tell that most of them were fellow cops. She took a deep breath, and began, "No matter who they are, or what department they're in, if you work in the New York City Police Department, chances are you've heard of Robert Goren. You've probably heard the stories about his interrogations techniques, his crime scene methods, or even his odd behavior in the squad room,
"He was most definitely one of a kind. He was the greatest profiler I've ever had the pleasure of working with. His interrogation techniques were among the greatest I've ever seen. He was a controlled perfectionist. He was quiet, reserved, secretive, and private. Most of you will never know the pain he carried with him though. He refused to live his life from the past. What most of you do know were his quirks, the little things that made Goren, Goren. Despite all of these things you guys probably do know, I doubt hardly any of you know what made him such a great detective and my best friend. The secret of his success was his heart. He took every crime to heart. He wouldn't rest until he solved it. He loved the challenge and piecing it all together like a puzzle. But he mostly loved it because he could get justice for someone. It was this heart that made him care so deeply. This heart helped him to be one of the sweetest men I ever met. He was among the last of a dying breed, a true gentleman. I can't hardly recall a time where he didn't hold open a door for me, pull out a chair for me to sit, or just plain ask how I was feeling because he wanted to make sure I didn't need something. Bobby Goren was a complicated, fascinating person. No one will ever take his place. He was most definitely one of a kind. It's why he'll be so missed."