A/N: Well, last chapter went well. I was so nervous!!
Anyway, there should probably be two or three chapters ahead of us. I want to wrap this up neatly. I hate rushed endings, and I love epilogues so there's still some ground to cover. Don't abandon me yet! The best part is yet to come!! *-*
You've all been so patient and nice to me *sniff*. I don't really want to finish this fic! Who knows if I'm ever going to write something that you like as much!! Waaaaah!!!
By the way, there isn't much Tsusuki-ness in this chappy. I'm saving that for the next.
Enjoy!
A DEVIL'S THRILL
The office floor wasn't particularly comfy. It was one of those ceramic floors; cold and hard and yes, Tatsumi had to admit it, cheap. Not the best place to be laying around butt naked in the dead of the night. In all honesty, though, Tatsumi had never had a better night of sleep in his life.
As if he'd be able to stay awake! Tatsumi was still in shock; never had he pledged Watari for someone as...enthusiastic. Of course, even if it had been just one time, Tatsumi would have still had more sex than he'd gotten in decades. But three times?!
After a few hours of pleasant sleep though, he was simply enjoying snuggling with his sleeping beauty. Absently he realised he was lucky to have woken up in the middle of the night. Someone finding them in that compromising position in the morning would have been disastrous. As it was, he had enough time to let himself enjoy the moment.
Almost in a trance, he stroked the golden hair that fell cascading around his friend's body. Watari's porcelain skin still glistened with perspiration and Tatsumi snickered. Men sweated, they didn't perspire. And yet Watari was far from needing a bath as much as he did.
He knew he should get up and take a shower; soon, because he was starting to stink. He was afraid to wake Watari up, not ready for another 'round'. He wasn't sure he'd ever be ready after that night. With a smile he thought he certainly hoped he would.
Reluctantly, and being very careful not to disturb the scientist, Tatsumi fetched his pants and underwear, dressing himself just enough for the walk to the bathroom. One look at Watari's sleeping face frowning at the loss of contact and Tatsumi felt he couldn't just leave the poor man sleeping alone on the stone cold floor.
He picked Watari's lab coat up and rudimentary wrapped it around his friend's body, picking him up. He poked his head outside, making sure there were no lingering shinigamis that might caught him red-handed and left the office with the blond in his arms.
He made it to the lab in record time; bare footed and making it clear he was, indeed, the shadow master. Knowing that Watari kept a makeshift bed on his lab- courtesy of his countless nights of working, sleep deprived, on his deluded projects- Tatsumi figured the man would be more comfortable there. Who knew, he might even join him after the shower.
003 slept peacefully on her perch, her head buried deep into her shoulders making her look like a feathery ball. An owl sleeping at those hours could mean one of two things; either dawn was just around the corner, or that owl was as crazy as her owner. Tatsumi opted for leaving that question unanswered, considering the lunatic in question was now his lover.
As soon as his head was resting on the pillow, Watari made some pleased sounds and snuggled between the covers. Tenderly, Tatsumi tucked him in and placed kiss on the scientist forehead.
Being as quiet as he'd been getting in, Tatsumi walked to the door. He winced a little when it creaked, pausing to see if he'd woken Watari up. The scientist did stir a little, but that was it. On his way out, Tatsumi thought he heard the other man whisper groggily "...you have to beg..." before turning around. A pleasant shiver ran through his spine, the phrase stirring memories of a few hours before and he shook his head with a smile before closing the door behind him.
He hadn't realised how sore his muscles were until the hot water begun spraying over his body, comforting them. He hadn't realised how distracted he'd been until he'd regained focus. Against all odds though, when Tatsumi was able to meditate about the events of that night, there wasn't a hint of regret. On the contrary, now that his head was clear, Tatsumi could really appreciate what it all meant, and he was actually happy about it.
As collected and emotionally controlled as one may be, it's always nice to have someone to unwind with; someone to take care of and care about, that would do the same for you. Maybe, just maybe, Watari could be that for him. And if that wasn't the case -though he really wished it would be-, the scientist had opened Tatsumi's eyes; he didn't want to be alone anymore.
He checked his reflection on the mirror and smiled. For some reason he felt very good; relaxed. Buttoning the clean shirt he'd put on, he made his way back to the lab, whistling happily.
He was about to open the door to the lab, when from the corner of his eye he saw the infirmary door. He hesitated, thinking about paying Tsusuki a visit. He'd already changed his mind, remembering Watari's previous words, but he thought he heard something coming from there; something that sounded like sobbing. Surely Watari wouldn't resent him if he checked on Tsusuki then, would he?
---------------
Hisoka saw the door opening slowly and jumped from the spot he'd been sitting on. He wiped his eyes fast, trying to get rid of the evidence that he'd been crying; hoping beyond hope that it was Tsusuki who'd decided to come back.
He'd spent hours looking in vain for his partner, trying to find him to explain what he'd done and ask for forgiveness. The sole idea of Tsusuki hurting because of him made him want to scream. All he'd done was meant to spare Tsusuki pain, not to cause it. God knew he'd suffered enough with his actions; to think it had all been a terrible mistake surely wasn't comforting.
A little voice inside his head was screaming, alright; but it's screams were those of happiness. Tsusuki loved *him*, not Hijiri. Never mind he was an empath and should have realised. He'd never had anyone caring about him; specially not in that way. How was he supposed to know?
It had been amazing and definitively frightening when Tsusuki had been oozing desire for him; or Hijiri...it hadn't mattered, because he'd felt it directed at him, and he'd almost managed to believe it. It had felt a little like what he'd felt from Muraki that time but...he didn't know what was different; all he knew for sure is that while one feeling had scared and repelled him, the other had drove him closer to the other man.
Hisoka's face fell when it was Tatsumi and not Tsusuki who entered the infirmary, but still tried to keep the pretence. The other man looked at him confusedly and then at the empty bed. Hisoka guessed it didn't take a genius to realise something was wrong. He was sure his eyes were still red and Tsusuki wasn't there. True enough, Tatsumi's face, that had looked particularly cheery upon entering, immediately changed into a frown.
"Kurosaki-kun?"
The shadow master noticed how worn out and upset Hisoka looked, and it filled him with unease. The youngest shinigami might have been the king of brooding, but he hardly showed his emotions so freely unless the matter was dead serious. And Tsusuki wasn't there...
The boy shrugged and smiled, hiding his eyes behind his bangs and trying to ease the other man's worries, failing monumentally.
"Ohayou Tatsumi-san."
The older man looked at him sternly, not willing to beat around the bush.
"Kurosaki-kun, where's Tsusuki?"
Hisoka's smile wavered a little and his shoulders slumped.
"I...don't know. I went looking for him but...I thought maybe he'd return...I did something really stupid."
Tatsumi had heard that tone before. It was the tone of someone who regretted something terribly and didn't really feel like confessing it but their consciences wouldn't let them keep quiet. The shadow master sat quietly next to his young friend and placed a supportive hand on his shoulder.
"What did you do?" he asked softly.
Hisoka took a deep breath and steeled himself. It wasn't so much that Tatsumi would probably kill him after he'd tell him, what he really feared was that once he'd told someone, it would become real and he wasn't sure he could deal with it.
"I thought...well, you see...I was sure Tsusuki was in loved with Hijiri. Last time..." the shadow master didn't let him finish.
"You thought *what*?!" the secretary's eyes were incredulous. He shook his head then; he wasn't sure what was ok for him to say, not knowing what had happened between Hisoka and Tsusuki, but the thought made him want to laugh. Seeing Hisoka's wince at his words made him guess the young shinigami wasn't that oblivious anymore. "I mean..." he motioned Hisoka to continue. "Please, go on."
"As I said," Hisoka continued, "I thought Tsusuki was in loved with Hijiri. I was surprised because it made me jealous, you know? But I've known for some time...that I love him. I just...Tonight though,..."
"What happened tonight?"
Hisoka snorted in spite himself, as a tear trailed down his cheek. Tatsumi's tone was so sympathetic and understanding; surely he'd change his approach in a few seconds.
"We, you know...Tsusuki and I, we...had, we made..." blushing furiously, he could only point to the bed to make himself clear.
Tatsumi looked surprised and pleased, somehow.
"But that's wonderful! Now he knows you love him and..." Tatsumi trailed off, seeing Hisoka didn't seem to agree with him. "Why aren't you happy?"
"I thought he loved Hijiri; I would still think that if he hadn't said *my* name."
He stared confusedly at the young man. Whatever Hisoka was trying to tell him seemed to escape him completely.
"I don't understand..." again, he didn't get to finish what he was saying as Hisoka pulled a black wig from one of the pockets of his jacket and gave it to him. Maybe he didn't have his senses back yet, because he didn't know what it meant. Surely it couldn't mean what he was thinking! "Kurosaki-kun, tell me you didn't..."
"I did." Hisoka answered with a pained smile.
Tatsumi stood up abruptly, his expression screaming bloody murder.
"What the hell is wrong with you?! I can't believe you'd do something so low! You've betrayed Tsusuki's trust and probably ruined his relationship with Hijiri for good because you were jealous?!"
The young man gaped, doing a very good impression of a goldfish. Obviously he'd been to vague on his account because Tatsumi hadn't got half of it. Even when Tatsumi was angry with him for all the wrong reasons though, his murderous stare was still intimidating. Hisoka looked down and stammered.
"No! ... no, you...you got it wrong, I..."
Apparently that wasn't enough to placate the shadow master. Hisoka was starting to get seriously scared. Everyone in the Shonkan division knew that Tatsumi was a very practical and cold hearted person, *except* when Tsusuki was concerned. The older man was livid.
"What is it I didn't get?! You made Tsusuki believe he was making love to his boyfriend!! How sick is that?!"
Hisoka had suffered enough for one night to be scolded about something he hadn't done. He stood up and took the older man's arm, his face deadly serious.
"I *am* Hijiri." Tatsumi was being extremely dense that night, Hisoka noted. The shadow master blinked a few times and Hisoka sighed. 'You want the long version? Fine.' he thought.
-------------------
Everyone had left the room, talking about how nice the afternoon had been and how good the food was.
Hisoka stayed behind, lost in thought.
It was obvious to him; he loved Tsusuki, but he was never going to be what the other man needed. Just seeing him with Hijiri, how happy and content he looked around the other boy, was enough. All he could ever do was to cause Tsusuki to cry or feel like an idiot. Ok, so, it wasn't hard to make Tsusuki cry, but still.
And it was also obvious that Tsusuki felt something for the fiddler. He'd caught him staring at Hijiri with a wistful expression a few times. Tsusuki had been glued to Hijiri all afternoon; specially after Hisoka had attacked him with a piece of chocolate. The other boy had been there to comfort him and cheer him up all day. What had he done? He'd thrown candy at his partner's head.
He felt the urge to talk with Hijiri. Not to apologize; he wasn't going to be caught dead apologizing to him. Hijiri may have been the right person for Tsusuki, but Hisoka still couldn't stand him. No, what he wanted was to set things straight and make sure Hijiri wasn't just playing with his partner. Tsusuki wasn't up to games. It hurt like hell, but for once he was going to do something good for Tsusuki.
It was quite a run he had to make to catch up with the two before they left. Still, from a distance he could see them walking side by side. He didn't want to acknowledge how tenderly Tsusuki was looking at Hijiri.
He reach them, panting. Immediately he felt Tsusuki's apprehension to his presence and he put up his shields as tight as he could, trying to keep his partner's feelings away. Hijiri's feelings he didn't have to sense; his eyes said it all. He also didn't have to actually feel it to know Tsusuki had been very surprised when he'd asked to talk with Hijiri, and quite nervous when the other boy accepted.
He could cut the tension between them with a knife. If looks could kill, Hisoka would have died again; all the clichés that you could imagine about a tense situation, they would have applied to that moment.
As soon as they were out of ear shot, Hisoka couldn't contain himself and snapped.
"Look here," he said, waving a finger at the fiddler, trying to keep his voice down without toning his anger down. Hijiri's stare was throwing thunders at him, but he kept quiet until he was finished. "I don't know what you're playing at. If you think you can come and turn Tsusuki's world upside down and let everyone else deal with the consequences you're seriously mistaken. Tsusuki is very sensitive right now, so you better be serious about him or you'll have me to answer to, is that clear?!"
Hijiri was fuming, but he also tried to keep his voice down. His words came out as a hiss.
"You're one to talk. Who do you think you are? The only one with the right to use him as a punching ball?! If you were any crueller to him, you're be sadistic!! Need I remind you what happened a while ago? Who should be threatening who here?!"
Bulls eye, Hisoka thought lowering his gaze. He'd know that without the need for Hijiri to remind him.
"I know." he said softly. "That's why I wanted to talk to you. Tsusuki,...he needs someone at his side now, and he seems to want that someone to be you. I just wanted to make sure you felt the same. You're good to him."
Hijiri opened his eyes, surprised, and laughed softly. The fiddler's expression softened.
"You think Tsusuki loves *me*?"
Hisoka blinked a few times.
"Well, ...yeah. I know he does. I've seen him...I've felt..." he stammered a little.
Hijiri got a strange gleam in his eyes and smiled mysteriously, confusing Hisoka further.
"Oh, well. That would be a pity." the fiddler said, sounding like he didn't care much. Hisoka had to swallow the lump of his throat. "I mean...I care about him, yes. But love? I'm way too young for that, don't you think?"
This was bad. This was really bad. Hisoka had seen it. Tsusuki really cared about Hijiri and the other boy didn't give a shit?
"But...but...You're not making sense! I've seen you around him! You...you told him you love him! I heard you!"
Hijiri shook his head sadly. Hisoka was tempted to lower his shields to see if the impression he got from him was real. It seemed like whatever he was about to say hurt Hijiri a lot, even if he was trying to hide it.
"I'm not the right person for him. I don't care if he loves me; he's too unstable right now and I'm not up to the responsibility of having to deal with that."
Hisoka couldn't shake the feeling that the other boy was lying through his teeth, but couldn't figure out a reason for Hijiri to lie in the first place.
"Tsusuki needs you!" Hisoka cried. It was getting harder and harder to keep his voice down. "I can see it in his eyes whenever he looks at you! He loves you!"
"Hisoka..." Hijiri took a deep breath. "I won't do it. I... I've loved Tsusuki for a long time, but I've moved on. I can't...I'm not right for him." then Hijiri looked at him, smiling. "But not all is lost, you know?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you really want to help him?" Hisoka nodded emphatically. "Remember Saagatanasu?"
---------------------
"So, we made a deal. I would pass as him, go out with Tsusuki for a while; just until he was stable again, and Hijiri would back me up. I never intended it to go as far as...as it did. I was supposed to help him get better and offer him company but I...Well, you know."
Hisoka was exhausted. Tatsumi was again sitting by his side, listening to the story with a grave expression. A thick silence enveloped the room. Hisoka's eyes were silently shedding tears; he'd been so blind! Now it all made sense. Hijiri probably knew Tsusuki's heart better than him, who was supposed to be an empath, and also knew that Hisoka would never show his real emotions as himself.
Tatsumi wasn't shocked, just saddened. The young boy at his side had suffered so much he couldn't even recognise love when he felt it. There was no need to ask how he'd managed to act so well. Hisoka hadn't been acting when he pretended to be Hijiri. There's a strange liberating quality about disguises. Pretending to be someone else, you are truly free to be yourself. Tatsumi knew that.
"And now Tsusuki thinks he said your name while making love to Hijiri." Tatsumi said after a long while. Hisoka nodded.
"I've been so stupid. I've caused even more damage when I was trying to help him. How could I ever be good for him?"
"Hisoka..." Tatsumi looked at him tenderly. More tenderly than what he'd ever seen Tatsumi look at another person before. "Haven't you learned anything from this? Tsusuki loves you. You don't have to pretend to be anything else to be good for him. You just have to be honest."
Hisoka smiled a little and stood up.
"Help me find him?"
Tatsumi nodded and followed suit.
"Sure. I should probably go look for Watari too. If four eyes are better than two, then six..."
"Oh? Is Watari still here?"
Tatsumi laughed.
"He's always here!"
Hisoka then realised something and smiled knowingly.
"And you?"
He didn't wait for a reply; Hisoka left the infirmary leaving a stunned and embarrassed Tatsumi behind.
--------------------
The night sky in Meifuu is something worth seeing. It's simple; the underworld 'looks' like the world of the living. But such as the people who live in it aren't the same as humans, Meifuu is not exactly the same as the world.
It is a place created for those who were too attached to life. It almost seems designed so that those people will always be able to remember what was it that made them love the world so much.
The weather was always pleasant and warm; even in winter. The sakuras bloomed in a way no sakuras on earth could. And the night sky; when the moon was out, it could very well beat the real moon in beauty and glow; as well as in size. You could almost touch it.
And then there were the moonless nights.
Tsusuki had ran for hours. His legs were a good testimony of that. He was running away; from Hijiri, from himself; from that place filled with beauty he didn't deserve.
But Meifuu wasn't like the earth. He could have ran for days, and he wouldn't have found a place more suitable for his state of mind. He couldn't leave his choices behind; no matter how fast he'd run.
With a hysterical laugh; one that could have been mistaken for a strangled sob, Tsusuki collapsed to his knees. Wherever he was, there were still trees in full bloom; the air still smelled sweet.
In spite of the eternal spring that was Meifuu, Tsusuki was cold. His shirt was unbuttoned, his feet bare, but even then, when he'd stopped running, he couldn't care. The dirt under him felt cold, for some reason reminding him of a graveyard; Tsusuki couldn't help laughing when the thought hit him.
On a moonless night, Meifuu's sky would lit up with millions of stars. One for each soul that had been brought there to be judged; one for each life that was extinguished. And Tsusuki had put so many stars there, he thought, and yet none of those people had ever seen a sky as beautiful as that one; that was a right reserved only for their killers.
Meifuu itself, and all it's glory, made Tsusuki want to throw up. There was only one thing about Meifuu that didn't smelled like death, and that was Hisoka.
He remembered how captivated he'd been with the emerald eyes from the moment he'd seen them. Maybe it had been when he had to carry Hisoka back to their room that first night and how vulnerable he'd seemed. Or it might have been that Hisoka had been the only one who hadn't abandoned him; the only one who understood him enough to stay. Perhaps it had been all the times Hisoka had risked himself to save him.
The images started invading his mind at a velocity that was threatening to drive him mad; or madder, because Tsusuki was sure his sanity was long gone by then. Maybe he'd never got it back to begin with.
And suddenly it was Hisoka he'd been holding; Hisoka's lips he'd kissed; the one he'd made love to. It had always been Hisoka.
Hisoka the one he'd used; Hisoka the one he'd hurt...
Tsusuki didn't know how long he'd been laying on the ground; all notion of time and property had stayed behind somewhere during his run. He wouldn't make a fuss about it. There was no use for a hysterical fit; no sobbing or hyperventilating. No, all he'd do would be lay down on the dirt and rest. Tsusuki smiled a little, though if anyone had been there to see him, they'd have seen right past it. He'd come to a decision.
Broken promises meant nothing when you'd already betrayed the person to whom you'd made them to.
He closed his eyes and whispered.
"Touda, come forward."
TBC
I'm sowy! I'm sowy! Cliff hangers are just the best place to leave a chapter!!! Waaaah!
Contests, contests! Pwetty contests!! ^.^
1)Er,..heh, heh...Tell me how many misspellings and grammar mistakes there are in this chappy! English is my second language, so shoot me, it seems like a nice way to learn! @-@
2)Does anyone know if there are other works from the same lady that made YNM?
3) Reviews, reviews, glorious reviews!!
On to the prices!! (I know these are what keeps you coming back to this story, c'mon, be honest!)
Serenity!! Oh I'm so glad you're still here!!! *shimmering eyes* Seriously though, I'm thinking about a Hijiri/Tsusuki one shot. Of course I want to do it myself, but if you suggest something it could be of great help! Tsusuki cookies for you!! Extra because you gave al the others I gave you to Tsusuki out of shock!
Dementia-12, your Tsusuki plushie for reviewing for the first time. I still keep getting first timers! It makes me so happy!! Anyway, I also think last chappy was yummy! I'm glad you liked it. .
Madiha, did I ever give you an Oriya plushie? If I didn't then here you go. I'm glad no one thought the Mura/Ori part to be out of place! And my birthday is around the corner, I've decided what I want most are reviews!! heh, heh.
Miyahara Yuuki, I'm glad you liked the pics!! Aren't they the cutest?! Spelling errors...uhm...isn't the stupid spell check of my comp supposed to fix that? *cries* Oh! And the original phrase was "I may be love's bitch, but I'm man enough to admit it." I would have used it as it is, but it seemed too much. Somehow Oriya reminded me of that. Do you know the show by now? I'll leave it as a mystery.
Cofi! You should be a detective or something. Those things are like the only hints I gave and you picked them up! Right on the mark, I say! Kudos! I'm glad you liked the pics, and the fic and I love all reviews!! Here are your Tsusuki cookies. Thank you!
Miko, Miko! You're back! I hope that stick of confusion didn't leave a mark! Glad to have you back! Tsusuki cookies for you.
dodger-chan, you're welcome. I couldn't have let you eat Tsusuki's cookies and be able to sleep at night.
Tsusuki: Hey!! You said you liked them! *puppy eyes*
KC: *pat**pat* Whatever.
Oriya is so cool, isn't he? Anyway, I have Oriya cookies for you this time.
E-san...you're right!! Waaah! Hisoka wouldn't do that!! Waaaah! I'm such a sucky writer!! Anyway, you still like? A Tsusuki plushie for you.
????????........Who are you? How should I call you? The question mark person? I know about stayed and staid by now. You anglo-speaking people are trying to confuse me, I tell you! I mean, honest; Say is said, pay is paid...why discriminate stay? Who should I give the Tsusuki plushie to? Are you the riddler? A Tsusuki plushie for you! ^o^
Sade, I'm glad you like both stories! I think I should give you an extra prize! The cute ones are always gay...but in case you haven't noticed, all YNM bishies are kinda...cute. Anyway, an Oriya plushie for you and an...uhm...lemme see...
*pats Muraki in the back* Come on, you lazy git, sign those pictures.
Muraki: *glares* Don't-touch-me.
KC; Sade, I'd be careful if I were you. I have to tell you, he's scribbling the strangest things on that pic.
Muraki; *evil grin* Me? I'm as innocent as a little lamb. I'd never carve a malefic curse into a picture!
Tifa...Tifa x 2...square Tifa? Still, only one bag of cookies! No cheating! *slaps Tifa's hand away from the cookie basket* You've sparkled the little bug of curiosity within me about YYH. Next thing I know I'll be writing YYH fanfics...*sigh* I'm hopeless.
Last Waltz! You almost get left out because I was just about to post this when I got your review!!! *fans last waltz with a magazine to bring her back to life* I know, cliff hangers suck, ne? No worries, I do plan to finish this, and I've been said to update real quickly. Of course, I've also been threatened to update faster, so I can't be sure. ~.^
Ja ne!
Anyway, there should probably be two or three chapters ahead of us. I want to wrap this up neatly. I hate rushed endings, and I love epilogues so there's still some ground to cover. Don't abandon me yet! The best part is yet to come!! *-*
You've all been so patient and nice to me *sniff*. I don't really want to finish this fic! Who knows if I'm ever going to write something that you like as much!! Waaaaah!!!
By the way, there isn't much Tsusuki-ness in this chappy. I'm saving that for the next.
Enjoy!
A DEVIL'S THRILL
The office floor wasn't particularly comfy. It was one of those ceramic floors; cold and hard and yes, Tatsumi had to admit it, cheap. Not the best place to be laying around butt naked in the dead of the night. In all honesty, though, Tatsumi had never had a better night of sleep in his life.
As if he'd be able to stay awake! Tatsumi was still in shock; never had he pledged Watari for someone as...enthusiastic. Of course, even if it had been just one time, Tatsumi would have still had more sex than he'd gotten in decades. But three times?!
After a few hours of pleasant sleep though, he was simply enjoying snuggling with his sleeping beauty. Absently he realised he was lucky to have woken up in the middle of the night. Someone finding them in that compromising position in the morning would have been disastrous. As it was, he had enough time to let himself enjoy the moment.
Almost in a trance, he stroked the golden hair that fell cascading around his friend's body. Watari's porcelain skin still glistened with perspiration and Tatsumi snickered. Men sweated, they didn't perspire. And yet Watari was far from needing a bath as much as he did.
He knew he should get up and take a shower; soon, because he was starting to stink. He was afraid to wake Watari up, not ready for another 'round'. He wasn't sure he'd ever be ready after that night. With a smile he thought he certainly hoped he would.
Reluctantly, and being very careful not to disturb the scientist, Tatsumi fetched his pants and underwear, dressing himself just enough for the walk to the bathroom. One look at Watari's sleeping face frowning at the loss of contact and Tatsumi felt he couldn't just leave the poor man sleeping alone on the stone cold floor.
He picked Watari's lab coat up and rudimentary wrapped it around his friend's body, picking him up. He poked his head outside, making sure there were no lingering shinigamis that might caught him red-handed and left the office with the blond in his arms.
He made it to the lab in record time; bare footed and making it clear he was, indeed, the shadow master. Knowing that Watari kept a makeshift bed on his lab- courtesy of his countless nights of working, sleep deprived, on his deluded projects- Tatsumi figured the man would be more comfortable there. Who knew, he might even join him after the shower.
003 slept peacefully on her perch, her head buried deep into her shoulders making her look like a feathery ball. An owl sleeping at those hours could mean one of two things; either dawn was just around the corner, or that owl was as crazy as her owner. Tatsumi opted for leaving that question unanswered, considering the lunatic in question was now his lover.
As soon as his head was resting on the pillow, Watari made some pleased sounds and snuggled between the covers. Tenderly, Tatsumi tucked him in and placed kiss on the scientist forehead.
Being as quiet as he'd been getting in, Tatsumi walked to the door. He winced a little when it creaked, pausing to see if he'd woken Watari up. The scientist did stir a little, but that was it. On his way out, Tatsumi thought he heard the other man whisper groggily "...you have to beg..." before turning around. A pleasant shiver ran through his spine, the phrase stirring memories of a few hours before and he shook his head with a smile before closing the door behind him.
He hadn't realised how sore his muscles were until the hot water begun spraying over his body, comforting them. He hadn't realised how distracted he'd been until he'd regained focus. Against all odds though, when Tatsumi was able to meditate about the events of that night, there wasn't a hint of regret. On the contrary, now that his head was clear, Tatsumi could really appreciate what it all meant, and he was actually happy about it.
As collected and emotionally controlled as one may be, it's always nice to have someone to unwind with; someone to take care of and care about, that would do the same for you. Maybe, just maybe, Watari could be that for him. And if that wasn't the case -though he really wished it would be-, the scientist had opened Tatsumi's eyes; he didn't want to be alone anymore.
He checked his reflection on the mirror and smiled. For some reason he felt very good; relaxed. Buttoning the clean shirt he'd put on, he made his way back to the lab, whistling happily.
He was about to open the door to the lab, when from the corner of his eye he saw the infirmary door. He hesitated, thinking about paying Tsusuki a visit. He'd already changed his mind, remembering Watari's previous words, but he thought he heard something coming from there; something that sounded like sobbing. Surely Watari wouldn't resent him if he checked on Tsusuki then, would he?
---------------
Hisoka saw the door opening slowly and jumped from the spot he'd been sitting on. He wiped his eyes fast, trying to get rid of the evidence that he'd been crying; hoping beyond hope that it was Tsusuki who'd decided to come back.
He'd spent hours looking in vain for his partner, trying to find him to explain what he'd done and ask for forgiveness. The sole idea of Tsusuki hurting because of him made him want to scream. All he'd done was meant to spare Tsusuki pain, not to cause it. God knew he'd suffered enough with his actions; to think it had all been a terrible mistake surely wasn't comforting.
A little voice inside his head was screaming, alright; but it's screams were those of happiness. Tsusuki loved *him*, not Hijiri. Never mind he was an empath and should have realised. He'd never had anyone caring about him; specially not in that way. How was he supposed to know?
It had been amazing and definitively frightening when Tsusuki had been oozing desire for him; or Hijiri...it hadn't mattered, because he'd felt it directed at him, and he'd almost managed to believe it. It had felt a little like what he'd felt from Muraki that time but...he didn't know what was different; all he knew for sure is that while one feeling had scared and repelled him, the other had drove him closer to the other man.
Hisoka's face fell when it was Tatsumi and not Tsusuki who entered the infirmary, but still tried to keep the pretence. The other man looked at him confusedly and then at the empty bed. Hisoka guessed it didn't take a genius to realise something was wrong. He was sure his eyes were still red and Tsusuki wasn't there. True enough, Tatsumi's face, that had looked particularly cheery upon entering, immediately changed into a frown.
"Kurosaki-kun?"
The shadow master noticed how worn out and upset Hisoka looked, and it filled him with unease. The youngest shinigami might have been the king of brooding, but he hardly showed his emotions so freely unless the matter was dead serious. And Tsusuki wasn't there...
The boy shrugged and smiled, hiding his eyes behind his bangs and trying to ease the other man's worries, failing monumentally.
"Ohayou Tatsumi-san."
The older man looked at him sternly, not willing to beat around the bush.
"Kurosaki-kun, where's Tsusuki?"
Hisoka's smile wavered a little and his shoulders slumped.
"I...don't know. I went looking for him but...I thought maybe he'd return...I did something really stupid."
Tatsumi had heard that tone before. It was the tone of someone who regretted something terribly and didn't really feel like confessing it but their consciences wouldn't let them keep quiet. The shadow master sat quietly next to his young friend and placed a supportive hand on his shoulder.
"What did you do?" he asked softly.
Hisoka took a deep breath and steeled himself. It wasn't so much that Tatsumi would probably kill him after he'd tell him, what he really feared was that once he'd told someone, it would become real and he wasn't sure he could deal with it.
"I thought...well, you see...I was sure Tsusuki was in loved with Hijiri. Last time..." the shadow master didn't let him finish.
"You thought *what*?!" the secretary's eyes were incredulous. He shook his head then; he wasn't sure what was ok for him to say, not knowing what had happened between Hisoka and Tsusuki, but the thought made him want to laugh. Seeing Hisoka's wince at his words made him guess the young shinigami wasn't that oblivious anymore. "I mean..." he motioned Hisoka to continue. "Please, go on."
"As I said," Hisoka continued, "I thought Tsusuki was in loved with Hijiri. I was surprised because it made me jealous, you know? But I've known for some time...that I love him. I just...Tonight though,..."
"What happened tonight?"
Hisoka snorted in spite himself, as a tear trailed down his cheek. Tatsumi's tone was so sympathetic and understanding; surely he'd change his approach in a few seconds.
"We, you know...Tsusuki and I, we...had, we made..." blushing furiously, he could only point to the bed to make himself clear.
Tatsumi looked surprised and pleased, somehow.
"But that's wonderful! Now he knows you love him and..." Tatsumi trailed off, seeing Hisoka didn't seem to agree with him. "Why aren't you happy?"
"I thought he loved Hijiri; I would still think that if he hadn't said *my* name."
He stared confusedly at the young man. Whatever Hisoka was trying to tell him seemed to escape him completely.
"I don't understand..." again, he didn't get to finish what he was saying as Hisoka pulled a black wig from one of the pockets of his jacket and gave it to him. Maybe he didn't have his senses back yet, because he didn't know what it meant. Surely it couldn't mean what he was thinking! "Kurosaki-kun, tell me you didn't..."
"I did." Hisoka answered with a pained smile.
Tatsumi stood up abruptly, his expression screaming bloody murder.
"What the hell is wrong with you?! I can't believe you'd do something so low! You've betrayed Tsusuki's trust and probably ruined his relationship with Hijiri for good because you were jealous?!"
The young man gaped, doing a very good impression of a goldfish. Obviously he'd been to vague on his account because Tatsumi hadn't got half of it. Even when Tatsumi was angry with him for all the wrong reasons though, his murderous stare was still intimidating. Hisoka looked down and stammered.
"No! ... no, you...you got it wrong, I..."
Apparently that wasn't enough to placate the shadow master. Hisoka was starting to get seriously scared. Everyone in the Shonkan division knew that Tatsumi was a very practical and cold hearted person, *except* when Tsusuki was concerned. The older man was livid.
"What is it I didn't get?! You made Tsusuki believe he was making love to his boyfriend!! How sick is that?!"
Hisoka had suffered enough for one night to be scolded about something he hadn't done. He stood up and took the older man's arm, his face deadly serious.
"I *am* Hijiri." Tatsumi was being extremely dense that night, Hisoka noted. The shadow master blinked a few times and Hisoka sighed. 'You want the long version? Fine.' he thought.
-------------------
Everyone had left the room, talking about how nice the afternoon had been and how good the food was.
Hisoka stayed behind, lost in thought.
It was obvious to him; he loved Tsusuki, but he was never going to be what the other man needed. Just seeing him with Hijiri, how happy and content he looked around the other boy, was enough. All he could ever do was to cause Tsusuki to cry or feel like an idiot. Ok, so, it wasn't hard to make Tsusuki cry, but still.
And it was also obvious that Tsusuki felt something for the fiddler. He'd caught him staring at Hijiri with a wistful expression a few times. Tsusuki had been glued to Hijiri all afternoon; specially after Hisoka had attacked him with a piece of chocolate. The other boy had been there to comfort him and cheer him up all day. What had he done? He'd thrown candy at his partner's head.
He felt the urge to talk with Hijiri. Not to apologize; he wasn't going to be caught dead apologizing to him. Hijiri may have been the right person for Tsusuki, but Hisoka still couldn't stand him. No, what he wanted was to set things straight and make sure Hijiri wasn't just playing with his partner. Tsusuki wasn't up to games. It hurt like hell, but for once he was going to do something good for Tsusuki.
It was quite a run he had to make to catch up with the two before they left. Still, from a distance he could see them walking side by side. He didn't want to acknowledge how tenderly Tsusuki was looking at Hijiri.
He reach them, panting. Immediately he felt Tsusuki's apprehension to his presence and he put up his shields as tight as he could, trying to keep his partner's feelings away. Hijiri's feelings he didn't have to sense; his eyes said it all. He also didn't have to actually feel it to know Tsusuki had been very surprised when he'd asked to talk with Hijiri, and quite nervous when the other boy accepted.
He could cut the tension between them with a knife. If looks could kill, Hisoka would have died again; all the clichés that you could imagine about a tense situation, they would have applied to that moment.
As soon as they were out of ear shot, Hisoka couldn't contain himself and snapped.
"Look here," he said, waving a finger at the fiddler, trying to keep his voice down without toning his anger down. Hijiri's stare was throwing thunders at him, but he kept quiet until he was finished. "I don't know what you're playing at. If you think you can come and turn Tsusuki's world upside down and let everyone else deal with the consequences you're seriously mistaken. Tsusuki is very sensitive right now, so you better be serious about him or you'll have me to answer to, is that clear?!"
Hijiri was fuming, but he also tried to keep his voice down. His words came out as a hiss.
"You're one to talk. Who do you think you are? The only one with the right to use him as a punching ball?! If you were any crueller to him, you're be sadistic!! Need I remind you what happened a while ago? Who should be threatening who here?!"
Bulls eye, Hisoka thought lowering his gaze. He'd know that without the need for Hijiri to remind him.
"I know." he said softly. "That's why I wanted to talk to you. Tsusuki,...he needs someone at his side now, and he seems to want that someone to be you. I just wanted to make sure you felt the same. You're good to him."
Hijiri opened his eyes, surprised, and laughed softly. The fiddler's expression softened.
"You think Tsusuki loves *me*?"
Hisoka blinked a few times.
"Well, ...yeah. I know he does. I've seen him...I've felt..." he stammered a little.
Hijiri got a strange gleam in his eyes and smiled mysteriously, confusing Hisoka further.
"Oh, well. That would be a pity." the fiddler said, sounding like he didn't care much. Hisoka had to swallow the lump of his throat. "I mean...I care about him, yes. But love? I'm way too young for that, don't you think?"
This was bad. This was really bad. Hisoka had seen it. Tsusuki really cared about Hijiri and the other boy didn't give a shit?
"But...but...You're not making sense! I've seen you around him! You...you told him you love him! I heard you!"
Hijiri shook his head sadly. Hisoka was tempted to lower his shields to see if the impression he got from him was real. It seemed like whatever he was about to say hurt Hijiri a lot, even if he was trying to hide it.
"I'm not the right person for him. I don't care if he loves me; he's too unstable right now and I'm not up to the responsibility of having to deal with that."
Hisoka couldn't shake the feeling that the other boy was lying through his teeth, but couldn't figure out a reason for Hijiri to lie in the first place.
"Tsusuki needs you!" Hisoka cried. It was getting harder and harder to keep his voice down. "I can see it in his eyes whenever he looks at you! He loves you!"
"Hisoka..." Hijiri took a deep breath. "I won't do it. I... I've loved Tsusuki for a long time, but I've moved on. I can't...I'm not right for him." then Hijiri looked at him, smiling. "But not all is lost, you know?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you really want to help him?" Hisoka nodded emphatically. "Remember Saagatanasu?"
---------------------
"So, we made a deal. I would pass as him, go out with Tsusuki for a while; just until he was stable again, and Hijiri would back me up. I never intended it to go as far as...as it did. I was supposed to help him get better and offer him company but I...Well, you know."
Hisoka was exhausted. Tatsumi was again sitting by his side, listening to the story with a grave expression. A thick silence enveloped the room. Hisoka's eyes were silently shedding tears; he'd been so blind! Now it all made sense. Hijiri probably knew Tsusuki's heart better than him, who was supposed to be an empath, and also knew that Hisoka would never show his real emotions as himself.
Tatsumi wasn't shocked, just saddened. The young boy at his side had suffered so much he couldn't even recognise love when he felt it. There was no need to ask how he'd managed to act so well. Hisoka hadn't been acting when he pretended to be Hijiri. There's a strange liberating quality about disguises. Pretending to be someone else, you are truly free to be yourself. Tatsumi knew that.
"And now Tsusuki thinks he said your name while making love to Hijiri." Tatsumi said after a long while. Hisoka nodded.
"I've been so stupid. I've caused even more damage when I was trying to help him. How could I ever be good for him?"
"Hisoka..." Tatsumi looked at him tenderly. More tenderly than what he'd ever seen Tatsumi look at another person before. "Haven't you learned anything from this? Tsusuki loves you. You don't have to pretend to be anything else to be good for him. You just have to be honest."
Hisoka smiled a little and stood up.
"Help me find him?"
Tatsumi nodded and followed suit.
"Sure. I should probably go look for Watari too. If four eyes are better than two, then six..."
"Oh? Is Watari still here?"
Tatsumi laughed.
"He's always here!"
Hisoka then realised something and smiled knowingly.
"And you?"
He didn't wait for a reply; Hisoka left the infirmary leaving a stunned and embarrassed Tatsumi behind.
--------------------
The night sky in Meifuu is something worth seeing. It's simple; the underworld 'looks' like the world of the living. But such as the people who live in it aren't the same as humans, Meifuu is not exactly the same as the world.
It is a place created for those who were too attached to life. It almost seems designed so that those people will always be able to remember what was it that made them love the world so much.
The weather was always pleasant and warm; even in winter. The sakuras bloomed in a way no sakuras on earth could. And the night sky; when the moon was out, it could very well beat the real moon in beauty and glow; as well as in size. You could almost touch it.
And then there were the moonless nights.
Tsusuki had ran for hours. His legs were a good testimony of that. He was running away; from Hijiri, from himself; from that place filled with beauty he didn't deserve.
But Meifuu wasn't like the earth. He could have ran for days, and he wouldn't have found a place more suitable for his state of mind. He couldn't leave his choices behind; no matter how fast he'd run.
With a hysterical laugh; one that could have been mistaken for a strangled sob, Tsusuki collapsed to his knees. Wherever he was, there were still trees in full bloom; the air still smelled sweet.
In spite of the eternal spring that was Meifuu, Tsusuki was cold. His shirt was unbuttoned, his feet bare, but even then, when he'd stopped running, he couldn't care. The dirt under him felt cold, for some reason reminding him of a graveyard; Tsusuki couldn't help laughing when the thought hit him.
On a moonless night, Meifuu's sky would lit up with millions of stars. One for each soul that had been brought there to be judged; one for each life that was extinguished. And Tsusuki had put so many stars there, he thought, and yet none of those people had ever seen a sky as beautiful as that one; that was a right reserved only for their killers.
Meifuu itself, and all it's glory, made Tsusuki want to throw up. There was only one thing about Meifuu that didn't smelled like death, and that was Hisoka.
He remembered how captivated he'd been with the emerald eyes from the moment he'd seen them. Maybe it had been when he had to carry Hisoka back to their room that first night and how vulnerable he'd seemed. Or it might have been that Hisoka had been the only one who hadn't abandoned him; the only one who understood him enough to stay. Perhaps it had been all the times Hisoka had risked himself to save him.
The images started invading his mind at a velocity that was threatening to drive him mad; or madder, because Tsusuki was sure his sanity was long gone by then. Maybe he'd never got it back to begin with.
And suddenly it was Hisoka he'd been holding; Hisoka's lips he'd kissed; the one he'd made love to. It had always been Hisoka.
Hisoka the one he'd used; Hisoka the one he'd hurt...
Tsusuki didn't know how long he'd been laying on the ground; all notion of time and property had stayed behind somewhere during his run. He wouldn't make a fuss about it. There was no use for a hysterical fit; no sobbing or hyperventilating. No, all he'd do would be lay down on the dirt and rest. Tsusuki smiled a little, though if anyone had been there to see him, they'd have seen right past it. He'd come to a decision.
Broken promises meant nothing when you'd already betrayed the person to whom you'd made them to.
He closed his eyes and whispered.
"Touda, come forward."
TBC
I'm sowy! I'm sowy! Cliff hangers are just the best place to leave a chapter!!! Waaaah!
Contests, contests! Pwetty contests!! ^.^
1)Er,..heh, heh...Tell me how many misspellings and grammar mistakes there are in this chappy! English is my second language, so shoot me, it seems like a nice way to learn! @-@
2)Does anyone know if there are other works from the same lady that made YNM?
3) Reviews, reviews, glorious reviews!!
On to the prices!! (I know these are what keeps you coming back to this story, c'mon, be honest!)
Serenity!! Oh I'm so glad you're still here!!! *shimmering eyes* Seriously though, I'm thinking about a Hijiri/Tsusuki one shot. Of course I want to do it myself, but if you suggest something it could be of great help! Tsusuki cookies for you!! Extra because you gave al the others I gave you to Tsusuki out of shock!
Dementia-12, your Tsusuki plushie for reviewing for the first time. I still keep getting first timers! It makes me so happy!! Anyway, I also think last chappy was yummy! I'm glad you liked it. .
Madiha, did I ever give you an Oriya plushie? If I didn't then here you go. I'm glad no one thought the Mura/Ori part to be out of place! And my birthday is around the corner, I've decided what I want most are reviews!! heh, heh.
Miyahara Yuuki, I'm glad you liked the pics!! Aren't they the cutest?! Spelling errors...uhm...isn't the stupid spell check of my comp supposed to fix that? *cries* Oh! And the original phrase was "I may be love's bitch, but I'm man enough to admit it." I would have used it as it is, but it seemed too much. Somehow Oriya reminded me of that. Do you know the show by now? I'll leave it as a mystery.
Cofi! You should be a detective or something. Those things are like the only hints I gave and you picked them up! Right on the mark, I say! Kudos! I'm glad you liked the pics, and the fic and I love all reviews!! Here are your Tsusuki cookies. Thank you!
Miko, Miko! You're back! I hope that stick of confusion didn't leave a mark! Glad to have you back! Tsusuki cookies for you.
dodger-chan, you're welcome. I couldn't have let you eat Tsusuki's cookies and be able to sleep at night.
Tsusuki: Hey!! You said you liked them! *puppy eyes*
KC: *pat**pat* Whatever.
Oriya is so cool, isn't he? Anyway, I have Oriya cookies for you this time.
E-san...you're right!! Waaah! Hisoka wouldn't do that!! Waaaah! I'm such a sucky writer!! Anyway, you still like? A Tsusuki plushie for you.
????????........Who are you? How should I call you? The question mark person? I know about stayed and staid by now. You anglo-speaking people are trying to confuse me, I tell you! I mean, honest; Say is said, pay is paid...why discriminate stay? Who should I give the Tsusuki plushie to? Are you the riddler? A Tsusuki plushie for you! ^o^
Sade, I'm glad you like both stories! I think I should give you an extra prize! The cute ones are always gay...but in case you haven't noticed, all YNM bishies are kinda...cute. Anyway, an Oriya plushie for you and an...uhm...lemme see...
*pats Muraki in the back* Come on, you lazy git, sign those pictures.
Muraki: *glares* Don't-touch-me.
KC; Sade, I'd be careful if I were you. I have to tell you, he's scribbling the strangest things on that pic.
Muraki; *evil grin* Me? I'm as innocent as a little lamb. I'd never carve a malefic curse into a picture!
Tifa...Tifa x 2...square Tifa? Still, only one bag of cookies! No cheating! *slaps Tifa's hand away from the cookie basket* You've sparkled the little bug of curiosity within me about YYH. Next thing I know I'll be writing YYH fanfics...*sigh* I'm hopeless.
Last Waltz! You almost get left out because I was just about to post this when I got your review!!! *fans last waltz with a magazine to bring her back to life* I know, cliff hangers suck, ne? No worries, I do plan to finish this, and I've been said to update real quickly. Of course, I've also been threatened to update faster, so I can't be sure. ~.^
Ja ne!