Chapter 7: "Do you want to know who you are?" Dr. J. asked.
Blaze heard the crunching sound of someone walking on the sand, and she still refused to look behind her. If she looked, then that meant that she gave in and that she wasn't as mad anymore. She wasn't about to show weakness to whoever it was, despite the urge to find out who the confronter was. 'perhaps it's Trowa… or Quatre…' she thought to herself with mild interest. She dug her frozen toes into the biting sand, and watched with forced intent at the small sand crab that she had disturbed.
"Blaze…"
Blaze's body went rigid at the sound of Heero's voice, and she knew he recognized her surprise. A cold hate settled on her melancholy mood. All the more reason to ignore the intruder. Heero, of all people, shouldn't be the one to come and retrieve her from her solitude. She didn't respond, and aside from her moment of tenseness, she showed no sign of noticing his presence.
Silence followed momentarily, and then the sound of his footsteps told her that he was still going to approach her. She watched his lengthened shadow come closer to her own. She darted her eyes back to the dark waters of James Bay. While she hated having him near her, and she wanted nothing more than to strangle him, she still felt a slight sense of awe that of all the pilots to come, he was the one. The messages that she was receiving from him were contradicting each other.
Her surprise didn't end there. She felt the warmth of a blanket fall onto her icy shoulders. Despite her stubbornness, she tugged the material closer to her. It was rough and not the greatest of qualities, which was expected from a Preventers base. Still, it was better than nothing.
She still kept her code of silence, and did her best to ignore him, as he stood next to her with his arms crossed. Finally, he spoke to her with his monotonous voice. "Come inside Blaze. It's cold."
"I don't care." she snapped.
"You'll get sick." Heero replied logically.
"I've been out here for hours. I'm sure it won't make a difference if I go inside now." she shot back. "Besides, what do you care?"
Heero sighed in response, and another moment passed before he decided to answer. "I didn't set you up, you know."
"You don't trust me just the same, and you're pleased enough to know that none of the others trust me now either!" she said harshly. Heero didn't respond. She turned her blue eyes on him with a harsh glare, but he kept his eyes on the bay. "Why do you insist on making my life so terrible?"
"I don't." Heero replied coolly. "That was never my intention."
"Well you're doing a pretty good job at it…"
"You assume too much, Blaze." Heero said, and met here azure blue eyes with his Prussian ones. "I had merely told them what you had done on our mission, and they didn't believe me. I simply stated that it would show itself again."
"Che…right." she muttered, and looked away from him.
Heero continued. "I had never told them that you would act out against one of us. I didn't say you are our enemy."
"But you think it, right? Otherwise you wouldn't have reason to tell them, and you wouldn't have reason not to trust me." Blaze pointed out.
"I don't trust anyone." Heero shot back.
"That's a lie."
"You wouldn't know if what I say is a lie or not."
"The same goes for me, don't you think? I have that right just like anyone else, don't I? But you're certainly quick to assume that I lie… I have nothing more to say to you." Blaze said. She got up and walked away.
Heero followed her, his temper rising with her immaturity to his responses. For once, he was actually trying to apologize!! He didn't give that to anyone. He grabbed her wrist. "Blaze..!" He spun her around to face him.
She squeezed her eyes shut and plugged her ears. She immediately started humming that familiar tune to herself, to drown out any attempts he might make at talking to her. She was going to make him work for it.
Heero stopped on the protest he was about to give, when he heard the song she hummed. That… that was familiar. But the minute he attempted to focus on the tune, the familiarity flew out of his head as quickly as it came. He stared at her, puzzled. She opened her eyes and glared at him, then raised an eyebrow at his odd expression.
"What??" she demanded.
"What are you singing?" Heero replied slowly.
"I might as well not tell you, since you'll think I'm lying." Blaze mocked.
"Stop it. Just answer the question." Heero replied.
Blaze narrowed her eyes at him. What was he doing now? What the hell was he trying to prove?? "I don't know…" she finally answered, still suspicious. "Do you know it? I don't remember it, but I know it…"
"What are the words?" Heero asked.
"I don't know." she replied. Moments passed as they stood staring at each other. Finally Blaze said, "Are you done now?"
Heero glared at her and set his jaw like a stubborn child. "Yes." he said.
"Good. Then I'm leaving." she turned on her heel and left Heero out in the cold of the morning.
Heero growled to himself in annoyance. Fine. If she wanted him to leave her alone, then that's exactly what he'll do. He'll leave her alone until it bothers her. He knew she needed some attention, but he wasn't about to be the one to give it to her.
*Two Weeks Later*
Wufei slammed down a couple of reports onto the dining room table that everyone sat around. "Three more bases have been put under Hampshire's management!" Wufei announced.
"That's twenty so far…" Duo said, and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.
"Twenty over the entire Earth." Trowa pointed out.
"Trowa has a point," Quatre piped up. "Twenty for the whole of the Earth isn't very much at all. There are a surmountable amount of bases. Hampshire is having a slow progress. I wonder what's stopping him?"
"Relena." Heero replied. "She's using whatever little power she has left in order to slow down his plans. That's giving us time."
"Time that is being wasted as we sit here!" Wufei snarled. "We need to fight!!"
"For once Wuffie, I think you're right." Duo turned to look at Heero. "We haven't gotten any missions! Nothing! Why are we just sitting here? What are the docs trying to do? That old goon is going to build up his forces and blow up all the colonies before we ever get into our gundams!!"
"We can't take action first." Heero stated. "Hampshire hasn't attacked yet. We are the colonies' defense. If we attack him first, then that will give him reason to attack the colonies."
"Man…" Duo growled. "I hate it when you're right…"
* * * * * * * * * *
Heero subconsciously listened to the shower run, as he played solitaire on his laptop. He had sent Dr. J. a report on Blaze's defense against Wufei. If anyone could find out who she was, it was Dr. J. It wasn't necessarily about trust, either, although Heero didn't trust anyone to begin with. Whatever the case, she may have been someone important… an assassin of some kind…
Heero's mind started to wander to the possibilities of her identity.
She had battle scars. She had amnesia. She claimed to have woken up on a beach. Perhaps she was an assassin of some organization, and she was captured and they attempted to murder her.
Just as he heard the shower water turn off, he received an email. 'About time…' he thought.
He opened the email, and an immediate video connection was made with Dr. J. "Good evening, Heero." Dr. J. grinned his usual maniacal grin. "I have a bit of something to show you, and Blaze for that matter."
"You found out who she is." Heero stated, as a small grin crossed his handsome features.
"You didn't make this easy." Dr. J. sighed. "But then again, neither did she. Where is she?"
"In the shower."
"I'll wait."
"……….."
"Has she done anything else out of the ordinary? Remembered anything?" Dr. J. asked.
"Nothing. She still hums that tune every now and again." Heero replied.
A long moment of silence passed, then Dr. J. asked, "Are you concerned for her?"
"I want to find out who she is." Heero replied.
"That wasn't the question-" Dr. J. started, but then Blaze came out of the bathroom in a black polyester nightgown that clung to her from the steam. She was running a brush through her hair, ignoring Heero's presence. Instead she hummed the tune to herself.
"Blaze," Heero said flatly, being sure not to look at her. "Dr. J. requests your presence."
Blaze gave him a funny look. "Stop talking weird, soldier boy. Simply say: Dr. J. would like to talk to you."
"I see you two are getting along wonderfully," Dr. J. stated lightheartedly.
"Che… yeah right." Blaze muttered. Heero clenched his jaw and ignored her. Blaze walked over behind Heero, and leaned on his shoulder with her arm. "Yessir?" Heero glared at her coldly as her wet hair dripped onto his bare shoulder.
"Do you want to know who you are?" Dr. J. asked.
Blaze's eyes widened, then furrowed in confusion. "What the…." Her eyes narrowed and fell on the silent man next to her. "Heero…. You know, for someone who doesn't talk much, you certainly can't seem to keep yourself from gossiping!!"
"Don't get angry at him, his reasons are justified." Dr. J. said sternly. "Just answer my question."
"I don't know." she replied.
"Good enough." Dr. J. said. "Read the file next to my image. It is your data."
Heero's attention turned sharply at this, and clicked on the text. Dr. J. spoke to them as
they read.
"You're name is Ceri Deirdre, and you are currently 18 years old. You were born on April 2nd on colony 08, and I trained you since you were seven.
You had been a stowaway on my mobile suit carrier, and it was Heero that found you. You came to me after the unexpected loss of your parents. I adopted you and trained you at your request."
"Wha… wha…." Blaze stuttered.
"I would like to point out that I did not want to train you, because you are a female, and that is directly dangerous to your safety. Women aren't meant to be soldiers. They're naturally too emotional, and too easy to provoke and capture."
"I resent that remark…" Blaze said through clenched teeth, a failing attempt to keep her attention from focusing on something so unexpected.
"Clearly your personality has not changed since when I first found you." Dr. J. said, with a note of sadness. "As I was saying…"
Blaze mentally blocked out his words. All she could hear was the muffled sound of her jagged breath, and the pounding inside her head. She wasn't ready to remember being a gundam pilot. She hushed the voices in her head.
Dr. J's voice came back. "I would have left you alone to live a happy life, but your skills persisted to be released, and our allies are limited. I have told you all you need to know to continue, and I have left enough out to where you may remember your past on your own time. Those are only the basic of the basic facts."
Heero stared as Blaze attempted to regain her composure and her sanity. Her hand clenched his shoulder harshly, and she was quite unaware of her strength. Her voice came through her breath, shaky and if she had words, they were nonsense.
"Heero, I leave you to take care of her. She'll need to start training soon in order to regain all of those years of training that I had taught her. I suspect it will come much quicker this time." Dr. J. said sympathetically.
"I…" Blaze stuttered. "I… don't want the responsibility. I don't want to be a gundam pilot."
"But you are needed." Dr. J. replied. "They will all need you. Heero will need you. The colonies need you."
She turned up her azure blue eyes at him, burning him with blue flames. "I told you I don't want it."
"Rest, Ceri. You need it. I won't be able to force you. A fighter not willing to try is no fighter at all." Dr. J. said, then the video image blacked out.
"I hate him…" she said through clenched teeth, as she sank to her knees.
"Blaze…" Heero started, and put a hand on her shoulder.
"And I hate you too!" she shouted. "Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me, Heero!! You had no right whatsoever to do that! None! It's my life, my past! When I want to know I'll know! It's my life, not yours! My past isn't your past!"
"Yes it is." Heero replied quietly. "He trained both of us."
"Oh shut up. You don't even remember me, do you? That's good because I don't want to remember you either! I don't want to have anything to do with you!!" Blaze cried. She wrapped her arms around herself and bent forward with her head to the carpet.
"You don't have to." Heero said simply.
"Leave me alone." Blaze muttered to him. Her wet hair fell over her face, obscuring her from him, but he could tell that she was crying.
Without a word spoken, Heero got up and left her in their room. 'why does she hold back from her past?' Heero thought. Her anger at him made him feel a little sorry, though he would never say it. Still, he didn't let his focus rest on that. He knew very well that they did need all the help they could get. Their list of allies was growing thin. The only military group, the Preventers, were being transformed into Hampshire's soldiers. Not to mention that Hampshire reopened the mobile suit factories, and they had obtained information of a new mobile suit model.
The only ally that the colonies had in the entire organization of ESUN was Miss Relena Dorlian-Peacecraft.
Blaze walked up to HeavyArms, and pounded on the panel of the right leg. Trowa's lethal hair appeared, followed by the rest of his head. "Yes?"
"I need to talk to you!" Blaze demanded.
"What did Heero do now?"
Blaze laughed despite herself. "This is sadly becoming a routine, isn't it?"
"More than you realize." Trowa jumped off of his gundam with feline agility, wiping his greased hands on a washcloth.
"I'll make it short then," Blaze said, crossing her arms. She peered at him with her blue eyes. "Did you know that Heero told Dr. J. all about me?"
"No." Trowa replied quietly, as he leaned against the leg of his gundam.
"Yeah, well he did. And Dr. J. found out all about my past." Blaze said angrily.
"Why does that upset you?" Trowa asked.
"Because I should only find out if I want to. I wasn't given a choice in the matter!" Blaze began to pout. "He said I was a gundam pilot and that he trained me. Now he wants me to be trained all over again so that I will fight with you."
"Do you believe him?"
"It doesn't matter. The information doesn't hold any meaning to me, because I don't remember it. You can't just show up and say, 'this is who you are', and then expect that person to be perfectly okay with it!" she raved.
"I know." Trowa replied. "I was like you once, remember that."
"I know. That's why I can only talk to you about it." Blaze said, a bit more calmly. "I don't know what to do. How am I suppose to react?"
The two walked away from HeavyArms and into the dining room. No one was there, so they had all the privacy they needed. Blaze nearly fell into her seat, and placed her head on the table with a 'thunk'.
Neither of them spoke. Finally, Blaze said through her hair, "You know, I came to you for advice… such a response would be appreciated…"
Trowa sighed, and tilted his head back to rest on the back of the seat. "Do you want to fight with us?"
"I don't know." she replied. "Do you think I should?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I know you have the potential. I know you can help us, and I trust you to be reliable." Trowa explained. "Heero thinks the same as well. That's why he told Dr. J. about you. You are a valuable asset to the colonies. Heero's goal is to protect the colonies and to regain and keep peace."
"He only told Dr. J. because he doesn't trust me. He doesn't trust who I am, and he doesn't trust who I may have been." Blaze lifted her head off of the table and brushed her hair back with her hands. "If Heero trusted me and found me reliable, then he would have trusted me to be on your side whether or not my past is unknown."
"Heero doesn't trust easily. He needed reassurance." Trowa replied.
"He could have asked me."
"Could have, but he didn't."
"Because he doesn't trust me."
"You wouldn't have let him find out your past. He doesn't let anyone or anything get in the way of what he wants."
"I hate him."
"You just don't understand him. It will be a while before you do. A long while." A small grin started to cross Trowa's stoic features.
"How long?" Blaze asked with a raised eyebrow.
"By the time this war would be over…" Trowa replied.
"Che…" Blaze hissed, and glared at him. "What about everyone else? How would they feel about me?"
"They're easier to understand and deal with." Trowa replied. "Quatre likes you-"
"How?" Blaze asked curiously. "What kind of like?"
Trowa's green eye had a slight flame of intrigue. "Interested?"
"No, just wondering…" Blaze said, slightly taken aback.
"The general liking if you must know." Trowa replied after a moment. Then he added, "as a friend."
"Oh okay. What about the rest? What do they think of me?"
"Duo likes you as well. Wufei finds your strength annoying and doesn't trust you. Still, he'll warm up quicker than Heero will." Trowa said matter-of-factly.
A long silence fell between them, until finally Blaze asked, "What do you think of me?"
"That should be apparent." Trowa said.
Blaze blushed slightly, and cleared her throat. "Um, do you often talk this much to people?"
"Only when it's one-on-one. And usually only this much with Quatre."
"Ah…"