Disclaimers: Gravitation does not belong to me.
Notes: Um…I'm hopping that this will turn out better than chapter 19 did.
~*The Bible of Kumagoro—Getting Closer to Your God*~
I sighed as I made my way down the long, packed school hallways. School was out; of course the halls were going to be packed. It was a weekend, who would want to stay there any longer than they had to? Even those who were staying behind were in a rush to get to their clubs and sports, anything to be rid of the tiring classes and class work. Homework was still a heavy burden over us all, but we had a day off school to do that. It wasn't urgent business tonight.
I was currently making my way out of the school so I could meet with Aiko and Michael. We would always walk around the city and go somewhere to hang out before we went home on the weekends. It was tradition. I walked across the street to the park where we normally met up, sitting down on a table bench and waiting for them. I was normally out there before them. We were all in the same class, of course, but Aiko always had something to do after school and didn't want to drag Michael AND me around everywhere so I left and Michael went with her. Michael and her were almost always together, he relied so much on her support. It was sort of cute.
I blinked as I heard arguing from a distance, trying to pick up on it from where I was sitting. I didn't even know where it was coming from, but it was getting closer. After a while I could hear Aiko's voice clearly, and I stood up to go greet her.
"Just do it! Michael! Come on!" I blinked as I stepped out onto the sidewalk, catching sight of their argument. Michael was trying to pry his wrist free from Aiko's grasp, and he was as red as the shirt he was wearing (we all changed in the bathrooms before we met back up).
"What's going on?" Michael and Aiko both stopped fighting to stare up at me and Aiko smiled, pushing Michael forward. I caught him as he tripped, setting him back upright and shooting Aiko a confused glance. "Are you alright?" I asked Michael as I remembered the last time he'd tripped. He nodded slowly, not looking at me.
"I have something to do today, but Michael wouldn't come here without me, so I had to drag him here. I figured he wouldn't be so afraid to after you guys went to the movie, but I guess not. Michael, just go ahead and do it already. You'll feel better," she offered softly before turning to leave, footsteps echoing lightly. Michael made a small whining noise as she left, almost like a child when they didn't get what they wanted for their birthday.
"If you don't want to hang out with me you don't have to, you know," I offered after a while. He was just standing there, staring at the ground. His hands were clenched around the bottom of his shirt, and I couldn't help but get the feeling that he didn't want to be there.
"It's not that!" he screamed suddenly, looking up at me slightly. "It's just…I…" I sighed and touched his shoulder slightly, causing him to jump and glance up at me quickly. Sighing I pointed to the table I'd been sitting at earlier.
"Sit down, okay? You look like you're going to pass out on me or something." I really wished Michael didn't feel so edgy around me. It kind of hurt, to see how much trust he put in Aiko, how much he told her, and then he turned around and would hardly talk to me. Was I really so scary to him? I wasn't trying to intimidate him or anything.
Michael nodded and we both walked over to the bench, safely under the shade of a couple trees. It was nice and cool, and there was a slight breeze blowing, shifting the leaves and causing the shadows to trace back and forth over the wood of the table.
It was silent for a long while, only the rustling of the leaves above us and the birds singing interrupting the silence. There wasn't even the sound of children playing off in the distance. Empty, humanless sounds. The world seemed lifeless as the quiet stretched, as if we were the only two humans left, afraid of contact with one another.
"I…" I jumped at the sound, snapped back to reality from my dazed state, staring at Michael and waiting for him to speak. The world I'd created in my mind had been shattered in that word, there was no peaceful isolation, just…your ordinary Saturday afternoon. The same old Saturday, Saturdays I would spend hanging out with my friends before going home and talking with Ryuichi for hours, eventually running off to stay at his place. Nothing different. Nothing unique at all. "I like you." Once again my world was shattered, this time leaving only the two of us, and nothing more.
"…Shit…" I know I sounded so intelligent and caring at that moment but it summed things up really well. How else was I supposed to deal with this? I…I was confused. I heard Michael laugh nervously and I figured maybe saying something else would be a good idea. "I'm really sorry Michael, I…I'm seeing Ryuichi. Otherwise I'd…I'm so sorry." Michael didn't move, just continued to stare at the wood of the table, seemingly in deep concentration. I couldn't think of anything else to say, other than how very sorry I was.
"I…I was too late, huh? I…I…" I sighed and ran fingers through my hair. Damn this was hard…I'd never thought in my LIFE that I'd have to deal with this. I should have figured out that Michael liked me a long time ago, shouldn't I have?
"If I didn't love Ryuichi, I would…I swear it Michael." Michael nodded slowly and stood up, offering me a small smile even as I could see the tears building in his eyes.
"That's okay. I…I wasn't expecting you to like me anyway. I'll…see you at school then, all right? I…I…I really don't feel like doing anything today," he offered quickly, turning and running as fast as he could away from me. Damn. Damn damn damn damn damn.
"Damn," I swore softly, leaning back so I could lie down on the bench, staring up at the bit of sky I could see through the leaves. This was just NOT a good day. Not even staying at Ryuichi's tonight could make this day any better. Hell, it would probably make things worse for me.
I'd just hurt Michael, like I'm sure he hadn't been hurt by anyone else here, at least. I don't think I could have made things any worse. I mean, I was thinking he hated me and instead he'd ended up liking me and I'd been COMPLETELY unprepared for it and now he was probably NEVER going to want to talk to me anymore! I mean, not even I wouldn't want to talk to me. To work up enough guts to tell someone how you feel about them and the first thing they do is swear! God! I was SUCH an asshole!
It was already getting dark when I finally sat back up, deciding that eventually my 'family' for the school year would start worrying about me. They were used to me being home late after school, but never had I stayed out until after dark. I was going to get it when I got back, I was aware of that much, and I wouldn't be so surprised if they had Mika come and find me.
Some people wondered why I didn't have Mika and Tohma take care of me during the school year; they were almost as close to the school as my current dwelling was. I'd asked her about it once, and I didn't feel the need to ask again. Mika said it was just that they weren't home often enough. That was true, since Tohma had to work at NG almost all day every day, and Mika was almost always at 'home' home. That was why I stayed with them over summer break, when they wouldn't have to make sure I was up on time and going to school.
"Tatsuha-san, where have you been? Mom's been worried sick about you!" Kae-chan inquired the second I stepped through the door, not even giving me time to shut it behind me. "We've been waiting to eat dinner for you, too! I'm starving! Aren't you hungry at all?" she continued as I worked on getting my shoes off. "What'd you do that made you loose track of time like this? Were you with any girls? I don't like the idea of you staying here if you're out with girls all the time, it makes me afraid of what you'll do while I'm asleep." She NEVER stopped with the questions, Kae-chan. She was too curious and straightforward for her own good.
"That's enough, Kae-chan," Sakura-chan offered, resting a hand on her shoulder. "Keep your questions for later and let's eat." Kae-chan nodded happily and followed Sakura-chan down the hallway, and I followed the both of them quietly. I'm sure they both noticed my strange quietness, but they probably just thought it was because I was embarrassed for making everyone wait for me (which I WAS, but that wasn't why I was being quiet).
"Tatsuha-san, are you all right?" Kae-chan's mothered asked as soon I was in the kitchen, leading me to my chair as if I didn't know where it was. It was only the four of us living there during the school year. Kae-chan was two years younger than Sakura-chan and I, and was the only one that really lived there. Both Sakura-chan and I just lived there for the school year, that way things would be easier for us. Kae-chan's mother didn't mind us being there, actually. She said she loved the company.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I offered quietly as I sat down, not making a sound after that. She went on talking about this and that, trying to keep us all from thinking on my strange lateness.
"Oh, Tatsuha-san. A girl called here for you not too long ago. She said she'd call back in a half hour, so she should be calling soon." I nodded slowly, knowing exactly whom it was that had called me. Surely I was going to get bitched out for hours, but I couldn't bring myself to care about that.
"Ew! So Tatsuha-san really WAS out with a girl!" Kae-chan whined loudly. The phone rang almost as soon as she finished and I stood up quickly, walking right past the phone on my way out. I wasn't going to listen to her bitch at me for hours.
"Tatsuha-san, I'm sure that's her," Kae-chan's mother offered to my back as I made my way to my room. "Tatsuha-san, please talk to her," she pleaded and I stopped, turning to look at her. The phone rang again, and I heard Kae-chan get up to answer it.
"It's for you Tatsuha-san!" she cheered happily, running the phone to me and dropping it into my hands as I extended them slightly for it. I sighed and retreated to my room with the phone. I didn't want anyone else around when I was talking to Aiko.
"Hi," I managed softly into the phone as I shut the door, leaning against it as I prepared to get screamed at.
"Tatsuha-san…" Aiko sounded so small and lost over the phone, almost as much so as Michael did before he'd left me alone in the park. "Michael just got back home a half hour ago, and he was crying. Tatsuha-san…please come over here. I don't care whether you like him or not, he needs you. He won't talk to anyone; I'm sure he'll listen to you if you came over here and tried." I shook my head and sat down on the floor, keeping my back against the door. I didn't feel like moving.
"I can't. It's not that I don't like him, I just…I'm in love with someone else. I can't face him knowing how much I've hurt him." I heard Aiko sigh from the other end of the phone, and I could tell she was getting fed up with me.
"You're being a coward." I laughed blankly and nodded.
"I know it. I guess it runs in my family. We're always running away when we hurt the people we care about. Always."
"Tatsuha, please…just come over here. You don't even have to see him. He won't open his door anyway. You just have to talk to him. Please…" I shook my head and ran fingers through my hair once again. I felt like I was going to cry, but I couldn't. It made me feel empty, hallow.
"No," I answered softly, and hung up. Dropping the phone to the floor I sighed and thought. Thought about how stupid I was not to notice, thought about whether Ryuichi had known about this or not, thought about how much this situation totally SUCKED!
After a good five minutes of thinking I stood up again, leaving the phone on the floor where I'd dropped it. I needed to talk to somebody. Opening the door to my room I marched determinedly down the hallway, heading for the door as fast as I could without looking like I was in a rush.
"Going out to go see your girlfriend?" Kae-chan teased me from the living room as I walked past, and I stopped to glare at her. Sakura-chan hushed her and looked up at me from where she was sitting.
"You're not going to eat?" I shook my head and she smiled slightly. "Alright then. Have fun." I nodded, flashing her a small smile before I left. I hoped Ryuichi was home. He almost always was on Saturdays, that way we could see each other, but I could never be sure.
It wasn't that long of a walk to Ryuichi's house, but I walked as slowly as I could manage without going crazy. I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want sympathy. I just wanted someone to tell me what to do. I was confused, and I was scared. I just wanted someone to tell me what I had to do to make things right again…and I wanted comfort. I wanted someone to tell me it was going to be all right.
My friends were everything to me; I certainly didn't feel like things were going to be all right. Michael would probably never talk to me again, he's so shy he'd never be able to look at me after I rejected him like that, and Aiko was probably disappointed enough in me for running away like that that she would stop talking to me, too. And summer had been so perfect…
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YIPPIE! I'm done! I should be working on my novel for NaNoWriMo but I just couldn't help myself. I finally figured out how this is going to end so I decided I'd write another chapter. I might not update so fast next time, or I might. I'm not sure as of yet. Either way, I hope you like this chapter. I realize it's probably WAY OOC, but oh well. I tried.
Please, I need nice reviews! They make me want to write so much faster!!! ^_^ Seriously. The less I get, the less I wanna write on this story. Your reviews so far have been SO motivational for me! I'm not kidding!