Disclaimers: All this time and Gravitation still doesn't belong to me. Believe it? So do I…
Notes: Ryuichi's point of view, because where would we be without Ryuichi?
~*The Bible of Kumagoro—Getting Closer to Your God*~
I wrapped fingers around Kumagoro's hand tightly as I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I wanted to be energetic, really I did, but it just wasn't happening. I'd gone out with my friends last night. There had been a big dinner, lots of talking, and some wandering around before going back to Shuichi's place to hang out. Today wasn't about my friends, though. It was about Tatsuha.
Today was my last day in Japan. The last time I was going to see Tatsuha for God only knew how long. A few months, a few years…ever. I didn't want to think about it that way, but it was true. One never knew what could happen when you're not there for somebody…not to say I thought Tatsuha would find someone else na no da! I mean…I wouldn't be mad if he did. I'd be plenty hurt, sure…but someone like him doesn't deserve to be alone because of someone like me.
"Please don't look so sad," Tatsuha requested, sitting down next to me, his fingers running through my hair gently. He looked just as sad as I felt, and I couldn't help but wonder if he knew that he looked exactly the same…or was it just that I'm expected to be energetic and he's not? Was that why it's so wrong for me to look upset when I'm upset?
"I can't help it na no da…" Tatsuha sighed and pressed a kiss to my forehead softly. I closed my eyes and squirmed slightly, not really liking it. It was too sad…too lonely. It felt too much like a good-bye kiss. "Give me a real kiss," I demanded as he tried to sit back up, pressing a hand to the back of his neck to hold him there.
He didn't seem too unwilling.
"I wish I could go with you," he whispered softly, tracing a finger over my lips lightly. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about it. Today was a day for thinking about Tatsuha…about being with Tatsuha today, not about leaving him tomorrow. Before I could try and protest he silenced me with his finger, pressing another kiss to my forehead. "After I finish school…after that I'll go," he promised again. I believed him, but he didn't seem to think I did. Was he as afraid of this as I was?
As much as I didn't want to admit it, I was scared that Tatsuha might find someone else while I was away…and I was starting to think he thought the same about me. I could still call him once a week, just like I had when he'd been in Kyoto. It wouldn't be exactly the same, but I wasn't going to just let him go after all the things we'd been through.
"I know. I…I've decided I'm going to leave Kumagoro here to keep you out of trouble while I'm gone na no da. You two have to come back to me or…or…or I'll have Tohma do really bad things to you na no da!" As childish a threat as it may have seemed, I meant it. I may have pulled it off as a childish tease, but I was serious. I was leaving my best friend and boyfriend behind; if either of them abandoned me I could be sure Tohma would make them understand the seriousness of what they'd done.
"You can't leave Kumagoro here. Then you'll be all alone in America, idiot. You need someone to keep you company." Even though I hated being called an idiot, I didn't bother complaining about it as Tatsuha kissed me again. I was going to miss this, but I'd be all right. I'd done it before…left my friends behind to pursue a solo career. But I hadn't had anyone special back then.
"And you need someone to keep you company in this big place. Wouldn't you be lonely living here all by yourself?" I'd known what that was like…it was horrible, waking up every morning in a huge bed all by yourself. Wandering the long hallways without anyone to talk to, sitting in a large empty room and watching fake characters on the TV. It wasn't a feeling I wanted to share with anyone. That's why I'd be getting a small home in America until Tatsuha came back. Then we'd get another nice place together.
"Yes, I would be. Thank you for letting Kumagoro stay with me. I'll make sure he takes good care of himself for you." I smiled and pulled Tatsuha for a tight hug, burying a hand in his hair.
"Thanks. You take care of yourself, too na no da." Tatsuha nodded and I sighed again before letting go, sitting up and pushing him away from me gently. I managed my best smile and grabbed Kumagoro, finally acting like my old self again. "Let's go do something fun, alright? I don't want my last day with Tatsuha to be sad na no da. Okay?" Tatsuha smiled slightly in return and nodded, getting off the bed and standing up. He reached a hand out to me, which I took gladly.
"Tatsuha and Ryuichi on a date just like the good old days!" I cheered happily, dragging Tatsuha with me out of my room and through the house, only stopping to lock the door behind me. Kumagoro was coming along, too, of course. I couldn't just leave my friend behind without doing something good for them. He felt a little betrayed…as much as he liked Tatsuha he wanted to go with me back to America. My poor little friend…
"Where are you dragging me?" Tatsuha actually bothered after a while of walking, not putting up much of a protest, just curious. At least, it didn't seem like he was protesting. He wasn't trying to get away or anything.
"We need to find someplace different to go today, because today is special na no da." Tatsuha didn't say anything after that, just followed me quietly, moving to slide his fingers between mine when the crowd of people disappeared, leaving us mostly alone.
We never did find anywhere special, just walked around a few parks quietly. Eventually we wandered to Tatsuha's old high school, sitting down on a park bench nearby and talking. Mostly about where we'd gone in these last couple of years. I must admit, nothing about me had really changed noticeably…but what did change was the part of me that only Tatsuha had seen. The scared, insecure part of me was gone…or had been gone. I was scared again; scared that something bad might happen and I wouldn't be there to stop it.
The closer the time came, the more I started to doubt myself. However, it was just that feeling that made me so determined to leave. I had to be my own person again. I couldn't be the pouty, whiny, bored little person I had become. I wanted to be the strong, energetic young singer I had been years before I'd even met Tatsuha. I wanted to sing, to be my own person and share myself with the rest of the world. I couldn't really do that while I was relying on other people.
Tatsuha and I returned home around eight, well after dark. Not many words were spoken on the way home, but I was content with that. I was well past talking, kisses and touches taking the place of words when finally we returned to my room…leaving poor Kumagoro to sleep on the couch by himself.
The next morning I was awake at six, the alarm ringing in the same annoying pitch it always did. Without a word I pulled myself closer to Tatsuha, not wanting to get up. I was tired, and I was comfortable. Tatsuha sat up even with my arms locked around his waist, turning off the alarm clock for me.
"Come on, get up," Tatsuha demanded, resting his hands over mine. I shook my head stubbornly. I just wanted a few more minutes to sleep in with Tatsuha. "Ryuichi…" at that tone in his voice I let go. He sounded annoyed, and finally I opened my eyes to look up at him.
"Meany. It's your fault I'm so tired anyway," I whined, sitting up to kiss his cheek softly. I could tell he was smiling now and I kissed him again, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him happily…as happily as I could, anyway. I felt guilty feeling happy, as weird as it may sound.
"I know." I laughed and let go of Tatsuha reluctantly, letting him stand up finally. "Start getting ready and I'll…do something productive." His cheerfulness seemed forced, and it probably was, but I wasn't going to say anything about it. He was making an effort not to upset me any more than I already was, because I'll admit that deep down I was upset, and I wasn't going to ruin that for him.
I showered quickly, probably faster than I ever had in my life, and dried my hair as Kumagoro lounged in the tub, already clean. My hair never cooperated with me when it was wet, I had to dry it. I wasn't going to deal with it all morning…or on the plane, for that matter. Kumagoro didn't have to worry about it, he had other people to deal with his problems…and I was sure Tatsuha would take care of him. Tatsuha had showered the night before and didn't have to worry about showering now, lucky boy.
"I thought you were going to do something productive," I teased as I left the bathroom, finding Tatsuha lounging in the living room, watching Nittle Grasper music videos. I smiled slightly as I watched it with him, leaning against the back of the couch. I'd miss Nittle Grasper; I always did when I left. Not to say I didn't like being on my own, but it was always so much more fun with Noriko and Tohma there with me.
"I did, I called Eiri and Shuichi. They're picking up something to eat and then coming over. I didn't feel like cooking." My smile grew a little at that and I crossed my arms over the back of the couch. For the first time since I'd made up my mind to leave, I wasn't feeling all too bad about it all. I would have singing back to keep me happy, and Tatsuha had his friends and family. We'd make it through all right.
Shuichi and Yuki didn't take too long getting there, and as promised they brought food. Cheap, quick food, but food. It seemed to have been Shuichi's idea, seeing as Yuki was holding it as if it was positively evil and didn't actually have anything to eat eat.
Breakfast was spent in positive conversation, the topic only every so often turning towards my departure that day. Mostly talk about this and that, what Shuichi and Yuki had done yesterday, on and on. Things like that. Simple, trivial little things that I loved to hear about my friends. It was nice to know Shuichi and Yuki weren't fighting so much anymore na no da! Shuichi decided rather by himself that he and Yuki would be driving me to the airport, although Yuki didn't really bother to put up a fight.
Either he was really tired or he liked me more than I thought…or maybe it was just that he didn't want to fight with Shuichi. I hoped that last one was right; Shuichi didn't deserve to be argued with over tiny little things like that. I could always pay Yuki back for the gas he used if he needed it…which I doubted. If ever there were someone whose popularity had rivaled mine before Shuichi came along, it was Yuki Eiri.
"Ryuichi has to write me from America! You will write me, won't you?" Shuichi demanded as we were halfway there, turning around in his seat to face me. I smiled uncertainly and nodded, curling back up against Tatsuha. I would probably sleep on the plane, but Tatsuha wouldn't be there, holding me and running his fingers through my hair. I wasn't going to have that luxury for a long time coming.
Goodbyes were short, for various reasons. Shuichi looked like he was going to start crying if he didn't shut up, Yuki just plain old didn't have anything to say to me, and Tatsuha…nothing needed to be said. Everything that had needed to be said had been said yesterday. All that was left was actually going through with it.
With a bright smile I bid them all farewell, wanting nothing more than to wrap my arms around Tatsuha and kiss him over and over again until I absolutely had to go. This was the absolute last time I was going to see them for years…and they me. I wasn't going to leave a sad image in their minds.
"I'll see you later," I whispered as I reached up to kiss Tatsuha once on the cheek, speaking as casually as if I was just leaving for the day…and then I turned around and did just that…left.
It was hours later when finally we landed, and I had slept most of the flight. As much as I loved airplanes and flying in them, all I wanted was sleep. It was daylight when I got off the plane, carrying what few things I had dragged on with me…one of which was my beloved CD player. I blinked as a familiar face waved me down inside, smiling at me happily.
"Michael…what are you doing here?" I inquired as the smiling blonde ran up to greet me, hands latching onto my wrist gently. He'd changed more than I would have imagined over the years, but those eyes were still the same, hidden now behind thin glasses.
"Tatsuha called me and said you were coming to America. He asked if I'd come pick you up…said he didn't want you to be all alone when you got here." I smiled happily at that, touched to know Tatsuha had went out of his way to do that for me. I wasn't worried anymore, not now. We'd be fine…
~*~*~*~*~
"Calm down, calm down. You're going to wear yourself out before he gets here," Michael warned me as I hopped from one foot to another, getting sick of waiting. I knew planes were late, but…I took a moment to check my watch…
"He's so late. I wanna see him NOW!" I whined, turning desperate eyes on Michael. He'd replaced his glasses with contacts now, so I no longer had a 'standing mirror' as I'd taken to calling him. All in good fun, of course…
It was a while later when finally their plane arrived, and I was out of my seat in an instant (having sat down at Michael's request). People were filing out all over the place; it was going to be hard to find them…
"Ryuichi!" I screamed in surprise as someone grabbed me from behind, arms latching tightly around my waist. "I missed you I missed you I missed you!" Shuichi cheered happily in heavily accented English, and I smiled happily, getting him to let go with some effort. Thankfully his attention was quickly shifted to Michael, who he talked to with quite some difficulty.
Yuki was somewhat later getting off the plane, walking at his casual pace, not seeming at all concerned that Shuichi had run off without him…not that it was hard to find him with his bright pink hair. It wasn't so much Yuki I was interested in as the other boy, hair pulled into a short ponytail as he followed his brother out of the plane, looking much older than he really was.
Neither of us spoke for a while as the crowd walked past, talking and laughing, and Michael and Shuichi continued to try their hand at a conversation behind us. I hadn't thought Tatsuha would change so much while I was away, having hardly changed myself.
"You stole my old haircut," I finally offered with a shy smile, reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck slowly. His own arms wrapped around my waist in return and I sighed happily, glad to have my Tatsuha back. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too." I smiled to myself and held onto him tighter. This moment was more than worth everything else I'd lost when I'd left Japan. "Kumagoro's with Shuichi, just so you know. I kept my promise." I laughed and let go finally, moving to stand back on my feet steadily.
"I never doubted you would." Tatsuha smiled, sliding sunglasses down my nose so he could see my eyes. It was awkward, having not seen him for so long, but I'd get over it. People changed, but not enough that I couldn't adjust. Nothing had changed…well, not really. Tatsuha was still Tatsuha, and I was still Ryuichi. There was nothing to be afraid of; nothing had been lost between us…only gained.
Yeah…we'd be fine.
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Well, there you have it. Finally, the end. After 30 long chapters, it's over. It's been a long journey, and I'd like to honestly thank those of you that have stuck with it…especially since the beginning. It's been over a year since I started this thing, and NEVER did I think I would make it last this long.
I love you all, thank you for your support as I struggled through this…slowly…very slowly *big hugs to you all* If I were you I would have given up on this story a long time ago. I wouldn't have had the patience to wait for my long-stretched updates, so I really do appreciate it.
There'll be other 'Bible of Kumagoro' stories, but those only are named such, because…I dunno. They tie in with this story loosely…but this is the original, and am I glad I stuck with it to the end.