Okay, I started writing this thing over the summer (2003), and I hadn't added to it for awhile. But, now that I have my own personal account on FanFiction.Net, *cough* I decided this fic would be fairly amusing to all you Seto Kaiba fans. SINCE I AM COMPLETELY OBSESSED WITH THE GUY!!! Well, let's get this over with… I would never survive in a career in law, and I don't anticipate to do so, so for all those sadistic, twisted lawyers, SUCK MY FRIGGIN' BALLS! Even though I have none… unless… (raises brow skeptically, looking down) Oh… got off subject, huh? KAZUKI TAKAHASHI OWNS ALL OF THIS WORK, AND I INTEND TO NOT TAKE ANY CREDIT FOR IT!!! J.K. ROWLING OWNS THE POLYJUICE POTION AND THE HYSTERICAL HARRY POTTER, INCLUDING THE EASILY HURT RON!!! Enjoy, everybody! I WOULD ESPECIALLY APPRECIATE A REVIEW!!! DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S POSITIVE SUPPORT OR DISCOURAGEMENT, GIVE ME AN HONEST-TO-GOD OPINION!!! People, people, it's only a push of a button under there…
Harry stared back at Ron cynically. "What the hell are we doing here Ron?"
"Our task is simple… we pour this into the coffee and leave, and see what happens." Ron grinned spitefully, and cackled. "MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Harry blinked and stared. "Ron, are you mad?! We can't do that to a muggle!"
Ron carried the Polyjuice potion over to the desk and poured the concoction into the coffee mug. "MUWAHAHAHA!!! MUWAHAHAHA!!!" Ron frowned back at Harry. "Harry, you're s'posed to laugh with me."
"Ron, I'm calling the doctor. I've heard of one… everyone says he's the best…"
Ron continued to laugh, but they saw the door swing open, and froze.
"WELL, UP YOURS, YOU GOD DAMN JEWISH PERSON!!!--WHATEVER!!! WHO GIVES A DAMN IF YOU'RE CHRISTIAN?! I have such a shitty secretary… what's up with her? Mr. Kaiba always said when it comes to computers, forget the law! But, of course, after he said that, he hit me with a frying pan on the back of the head… but, anyway… I wouldn't be surprised if she poisoned my coffee one day, all of my employees want me to die of gonorrhea and rot in he--hey, who the hell are you guys? What're you doing here in my office?"
Harry squealed. Ron immediately grinned and laid the coffee cup on the desk. "Here's your coffee, sir!"
Harry leaned into Ron's ear. "But, Ron… we don't have someone else's hair in it…"
"I'll improvise, okay?"
Seto stared back at them plainly. "Are you guys new? You don't really look like Anime…"
"ARE YOU BEING RACIST?!?!?! JUST CAUSE WE DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU, YOU HAVE TO BE PREJUDICE!!!" Ron cried out hysterically, running out the room, sobbing.
Seto cocked one brow and sat down in his desk. Harry grinned back at him. "Uh… guess I have to go and… and help him…"
Harry ran out the room, while Seto flinched. "O-kaaaay… I'm definitely going to have to fire those two…" he pulled out a notepad. "'note to self--get more sane employees.'"
Mokuba burst into the room, at the exact timing as he did everyday, and snatched Seto's coffee mug from his desk. He had a tendency to steal his coffee everyday, and pour out the coffee or drink it himself, and keep the cup for himself. He had an entire collection of mugs now, and it made him happy to see Seto perish.
Mokuba grinned back at him and clasped the handle. "Hell-o, big brother! Same routine… just taking your coffee, as usual…"
Seto groaned, and nodded slightly. "I have an idea Mokuba. Why don't we just split the coffee today, and if you want more, you can get some from the machine yourself?"
Mokuba's eyes widened in surprise, that after all the months Seto had spent allowing his menacing little brother to always take the coffee for himself, that he would now suggest for them to share. But, he nodded in agreement. "Guess so… why didn't you think of that before?"
Seto flinched vaguely. "Uh… I don't know."
"But, anyway… here…" Mokuba pulled out an available cup from a cabinet near his brother's desk, and poured a bit for Seto, keeping in mind he would have more.
Seto smiled warmly, and gazed down into the cup angrily, only seeing a scarce amount of coffee. "Mokuba! You give us each an equal share!"
"Big brother! Just this once I want a little more than you…"
"A little?! You only gave me a few drops! Besides, you steal my coffee everyday…"
The two continued to argue fiercely, until they were tumbling along Seto's desk, going for each other's necks, sending papers tumbling along the floor.
"I NEED MY COFFEE!!! IT'S TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO BE DOING THIS, MOKUBA!!!"
Ron and Harry both quietly hid under the desk, and Ron quickly plucked one hair from Seto's head, while he sucker punched Mokuba, and dropped the brown strand into Mokuba's cup. He smirked contentedly, and bent under the desk again, while Harry gazed back at his friend restlessly. Then, Harry managed to pull another hair from Mokuba's head, which he dropped in Seto's simmering coffee.
"MOKUBA!!! GIVE ME--! HEY! STOP!" Seto shrieked, watching his little brother slurp down his entire cup, and rub his mouth with the back of his sleeve innocently.
"Sorry…" Mokuba piped, slamming down the cup, with a small hint of satisfaction to see his brother frantically yell.
Seto scowled, and drank from his own mug quickly. "Next time I get to drink all of my coffee by myself--"
The two both paused suddenly, feeling a great queasiness, and both struggled through the door, running to the bathroom. Ron continued to stifle his laughter, while the two both dashed to the men's room.
"What if they find out, Ron?" Harry said in a faint voice, while peeping over the desk.
"Oh, come on, Harry. They're from the Muggle world… they won't know…"
"I wouldn't underestimate them, Ron." Harry muttered worriedly.
"Well, just in case. Let's go, and fast!" Ron and Harry both left the Kaiba Corp. building quickly, Ron still holding back his fit of hysterics.
Meanwhile, Seto leaned over in his stall, trembling, and holding his head over the polished toilet, preparing to vomit, while listening to Mokuba making hacking and coughing noises.
"Big brother! Which psychopath do you call an employee gave you that disgusting coffee?!" Mokuba managed to say hoarsely, while breathing heavily.
"I knew they would try to poison me sometime…" Seto whispered. But, he noticed his view of inside the stall grow differently. He felt smaller suddenly, and his clothes felt extremely baggy, and his pants had grown much too long. He lifted his hands, and saw his skin sear and mold, and a burning sensation crossed his whole body. His nausea had passed, but he felt like he was set on fire.
The chaffing feeling slowly left, but in deep panic, he kicked open the stall door, and sprinted to the glistening mirrors, and saw the innocent, small face. He clenched his teeth in alarm at what was happening, and he gazed into those hazel, misty eyes, and ran his fingers through that long, lustrous, black hair, just to make sure it was actually him doing it. But, seeing the reflection do exactly the same, he bit his lip anxiously, and bound along the bathroom, shrieking.
"This can't be possible… I'm--I'm--MOKUBA!!!" he screamed, in his own deep, husky voice. The door swung open, to reveal his red-faced mad secretary.
"Are you asking for me to set up therapy sessions again? Of course you're Mokuba! Besides, last time your therapist was so disappointed at the tragedy of your case, she quit her job and got her old job at McDonald's as manager… she was a good doctor too… but, anyway, you're making a lot of trouble around here…" she cautiously looked around the room, and saw the blood-stained pads stuck to the mirrors, and her brow raised angrily. "Did you put those pads on the wall? What did I tell you about taking pads from the woman's bathroom, pouring ketchup on them from the cafeteria, and sticking them to the men's mirrors? It's not funny anymore! You stop it!" she snarled, pulling Mokuba out from the bathroom by the ear.
"But--but--you don't understand… I didn't do it…" Seto stuttered, slowly feeling himself lose that Kaiba confidence. No, no! Just because you're in Mokuba's body… no need to lose that confidence over panic… even though you may be doomed to recession being trapped in your younger brother's body forever… and you may never intimidate Yugi anymore… and your reputation precedes you as a sugar-high maniac… just cool it, and tell her who you are… she'll understand…
"Wait a second! Do you talk to your boss like that, huh?" he said coldly. He crossed his arms and glared back at her like he'd always do when he was firing someone. "Do you know who I am? I am Seto Kaiba! The Chief Executive Officer of Kaiba Corporation, and you dare to contempt me like that?! You know I don't tolerate insolence under my turf… are you asking to lose your job?"
"Very funny, Mokuba… mocking your brother… we're going home, understood? You're causing too much trouble around here… you're only interrupting your brother's work when you do this!"
"Can't your pathetic intellect grasp that? Simple-minded escritoire… I am my brother! I am Seto Kaiba! And you'll be losing your job as secretary first thing in the morning, Christian lady!"
"Mokuba, it's not funny anymore… I'm calling the limo driver to take you home… and why the hell are you dressed in your brother's clothes?"
Seto immediately stared down at Mokuba's puny body dressed in his school uniform, extremely loose-fitting for his little brother's size. Working at Kaiba Corp. before and after school was always a true hell, but he quickly remembered something. Mokuba.
He smiled nervously and let out a deep laugh. "Uh, I have to… uh, go to the bathroom… just for a little bit, you know…" he nodded, catching the surprised look on her face, and he managed to slip with Mokuba's slight torso through the small opening in the bathroom door in search of his brother.
He frantically locked the door, hearing the repeated knocking and yelling outside from his harassed secretary, and sighed in relief, sinking to the floor. He waited a few minutes, hearing his secretary groan and tread crossly back to her office.
He scanned the room cautiously. If I'm in Mokuba's body, then Mokuba must be…
"Seto!" he heard the shrill, pre-developed voice emerge from a stall.
Seto frowned and scowled back at the mirror. Please don't let this be true! He took a deep breath, preparing himself to open Mokuba's stall door, but Mokuba spared the trouble for him by swinging open the stall with a powerful smack, sending Seto sliding along the floor, groaning and glaring. This was just one of those days he didn't really like his brother as much.
"Why am I--AWESOME! I'm Seto!" Mokuba exclaimed, seeing the figure in the mirror, ignoring Seto's exasperated moan of pain. It sounded a bit awkward, Mokuba's high-pitched tone coming out from his cold-looking, Kaiba self, now excited, enthusiastic yelling. Not to mention a hint of an overdose of sugar.
Mokuba smiled and danced around the bathroom, sliding along the tiles animatedly, which only disturbed Seto more than before. He slid back from the shouting and singing Mokuba, feeling more fear than he did the injury on his face.
"OH YEAH!!! I'm tall, I own a company, I can waste all the money I want, I can mess around all day, tell people what to do, and buy all the ice cream I want!!! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me! WOOOHOOO!!!"
Seto managed to get to his feet, snatch Mokuba by the arm, and put a stop to his annoying little ditty. "Mokuba! Listen to me!" he said coldly, sending Mokuba along the floor, roaring with laughter.
It was strange seeing himself in a fit of hysterics, rolling and beating the floor in laughter, since he often didn't do it. "What's so funny?" he said angrily.
Mokuba smiled and sat up from the tiled floor. "You're in my body! And it's hysterical, just seeing you trying to act like--well, you--looking exactly like me!"
Seto had to agree. It was a little bit pathetic, but he only frowned back at Mokuba, or his own face. Smiling like a maniac and laughing hysterically. Oh, God, it was too much to handle in one day… working overtime at Kaiba Corp. on a Monday morning was one thing, but this?! Shit!
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