Night #2: The Wizard of Oz...

Enter, stage left...

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The Oracle of the 4 gods...

Part II

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A long, long, looong while later, walking another billion miles down the—(Tasuki: —fr*ggin' yellow brick road…!!)—ri-ight… what Tasuki said… we find our heroes and miko lagging…

Miaka: *bouncing and swirling and laughing and everything else (she finished her 60 bags of sugar, and a roasted super chibi suzaku-chicken besides (Miaka: *burp* Oishii desu…!!)(*sweatdrop*)* I love you, you love me, let's go now and kill Barney—*evil laughter*

Tasuki: Are we there yet…?

Chiriko: No.

Tamahome: Are we there yet…?

Chiriko: *twitch* No.

Tasuki: Are we there yet…?

Chiriko: *twitch* *twitch* No.

Tamahome: Are we the—

Chiriko: *exploding* For the *beep*ing last 109,928,759,287,519,304 times, NO…

Tasuki: Oh… Are you insane yet…?

Chiriko: *twitch* *twitch* N—hey, we're here…!!

Miaka: *still bouncing and swirling and laughing and everything else-ing* I've got a love-ly bunch of coconuts (bum-ba-bump)… there they are standing in a row (bap-bap-baa~~~

Voice #1: Ye gods, what in H*ll is that racket…?! It sounds worst than the-Homo-practising-in-the-shower…

Voice #2: Shut up, midget… Just because you can't sing, doesn't mean—

Miaka: *still bouncing and swirling and laughing and everything else-ing, again* Who doesn't know his A-B-C~~~Come on, tell – you or mwe~~~

Voice #2: On second thought, you win…

Miboshi: *throws down spear* Oi, you down there…

Miaka: *points to herself* Are you talking to me…?

Tomo: Of course we're talking to you, Mi-baka… Who else would be gifted with such bad song, kekekeke…

Miaka: *intelligence runs low on a sugar high* Why, arigato yo…

Seishi: *sweatdrop*

Chiriko: *ahem* We've come to see the Oracle…

Miboshi: *sarcastically* Have you…? Why, we didn't know that… After all, that's ALL people come to TAIKYOKU-ZAN for—

Tomo: *blinks* Really…? I thought they came to see me perform… *flips feathers over shoulder* I am so famous, kekekeke…

Miboshi: *slaps forehead* I am doomed to a lifetime of working with idiots…

Enough chatter – more action…!!
So the miko and her seishi were brought before a giant mirror…

Tamahome: *fidgeting* So… um… *that's* it…?!

Tasuki: *fidgeting also* Yeah… I thought oracles were meant to look a little more… omnipotent…

*KABOOM*

Taiitsukun: BE QUIET, YOU TWO, BEFORE I DECIDE TO CHANGE YOU INTO SEISHI SUSHI!!

Tamahome & Tasuki: *holding on to each other* Kowai na~~~

Taiitsukun: *ahem* So… you made it to Taikyoku-zan—

Miaka: *still bouncing and swirling and laughing and everything else-ing, again again* I believe I can fly~~~Maiagare, Suzaku~~~Fly, fly, up in the sky~~~

Taiitsukun: Is *that* the MIKO…?!?!

Seishi: *sweatdrop* Regrettably, yes…

Taiitsukun: Then it is worst than I expected…

Seishi: *blink* Nani…?!

Taiitsukun: I cannot utilize my powers on her – or any of you, for that matter – if she's so… UNSTABLE… *snaps fingers* *another mirror pops into view* *the picture of Yui-being-fanned-by-Nakkie-poo-and-swooned-over-by-Suboshi-or-is-that-Amiboshi swirls into view* You must travel to Kutou to seize the second Shinzaho in the Wicked Witch of the West's, *cough* Yui *cough* possessio—

Yui-image: That's LADY Yui to you…!!

All present: *sweatdrop*

Taiitsukun: —*ahem* Then, and only then, will I have enough power to bless you with your lost articles…

Chiriko: *sniffle* So, we have to accompany Miaka-san another 19,351,098 km westward[1], this time on a SUGAR HIGH…?!?! *wails* *starts tearing hair out* I'm going to die~~~ No…!! I'm too YOUNG to *DIE*…!!

Tasuki: *nudges Tamahome* So *this* is Chiriko's true face…?

Tamahome: *nods* Remind me never to get him upset if I ever value my life…

All in all, it was a sad, miserable departing from Taikyoku-zan, the um… not-too-sane miko and her slowly-cracking seishi traveling west with a new mission on hand…
But enough of that… Let's jump to the Wicked Witch of the West's Kutou shrine, ne…?

Yui: *slaps hand away from her* NO. Bad, bad slave. Stay!!

Suboshi: *whimpers against bare thigh* B-but Yui-sama… just one little kiss…

Yui: *growl* No!! My body, my hand – my say…!! You stay where you and… take care of yourself…

Suboshi: *hangs head* *arms hugging bared torso* *sniffle* H-hai, Yui-sama…

So poor Subo-chan was left to tend to his scraped shoulder-to-chest wound due to some Aniki-threw-my-Ryuuseisui-at-me accident (eh…? What were you thinking…?! Eek – hentai~~~!!), while his Yui-sama looked out a window…

Nakago: *coming by his miko* Yui-sama, the Suzaku no miko is approaching with 3 of her seishi…

Yui: *face turns sour* Ch… I knew it…!! She's come to steal my star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pocky…!! Well, I'll never let her have it…!! *hollers out window* You hear me, Miaka…?! NEVER, NEVER EVER…!!

Nakago: *sweatdrop* Um… I think she's after your Shinzaho…

Yui: *blush* Oh… um… that too…

Nakago: What would you suggest we do, Yui-sama…?

Yui: *thinking* Hmm… she's with her seishi, so that would mean Tamahome would be with her… *snaps fingers* I know, I'd send the super-duper-incredible-sugar-high-resistant—

Nakago: *asking hopefully* —Kutou soldiers…?

Yui: *snaps head* H*ck, NO!! The chibi seiryuu-salamanders, of course…!!

(Seiryuu: *SALAMANDERS*?!?!
Suzaku: *past his wailings and is now a (chicken) punk a'la Zell Dincht © FFVIII* Gee, looks like I ain't the only one she's making fun of now, brudda…!!)

So the super-duper-incredible-sugar-high-resistant chibi seiryuu-salamanders were sent out to attack our still bouncing and swirling and laughing and everything else-ing miko and her by-now-cracked seishi—

Tamahome: *picking up pebbles* Hey look…! Okane's sprouting out of the ground…

Tasuki: *stroking a piece of wood* My beautiful tessen… My preciousss… My own…

Chiriko: *trying to catch butterflies* Come back here, you *beep* *beep* *beepity* *beep* no-good *beeping* insect…!!

—so when the aforementioned chibi seiryuu-salamanders came and tied them up, they didn't know what hit'em… The leader coiled itself around our beyond-insane miko (Miaka: Oh, a feathered boa…!! For me…? You're sooo pwruddy… *purr*)(Chibi seiryuu-salamander: *sweatdrop*) and flew back to the Wicked Witch of the West's Kutou shrine. In fact, it was a good 3 days later before they noticed how quiet their surroundings were without their euphoric miko chasing away all the Tamiaka[2] birds to pack up and fly south 6 months early…

*crickets chirping*

Tamahome: *blink* Hey… have you guys noticed something…?

Chiriko: *beep*

Tasuki: *blearily* Wha…? Go back to sleep, obake-chan…

Tamahome: *standing up* I mean, it's really, really quiet…

Chiriko: *beep*?

Tasuki: Yeah… so…?

Tamahome: *scratching his head* I don't know… do you get the feeling we're missing someone… Lesse, there's me… there's fang-boy—

Tasuki: *growl* I dare you to say that again…!!

Tamahome: —and there's Chiriko…

Chiriko: *beep*…!!

Tasuki: *turning around* Hey… where…

Tamahome: *realization dawning* … is…

Chiriko: *catching on as well* *BEEP*-*BEEP*-*BEEP*?!!

Tamahome & Tasuki: *stare*

Chiriko: *dejectedly* *beep*…

Tasuki: *grinning* Well said, tough guy…

Well, now that those poor loons have gotten themselves sorted, we now fly over to the Kutou shrine to see how our antagonists are doing…

Miaka: *rubbing her temple* Ugh… I bet I'm the only person in the world ever to suffer from sugar-induced-genki-hangovers…

Amiboshi: *pats Miaka on back* Maa maa, Miaka-chan… Just… let it all out and it'll be all right…

*sounds of Miaka being… um… violently sick…* *images of Amiboshi being… um… frighteningly green…*

Yui: *entering room* Ha! I've caught you, Mi-baka, and now that I have you, I'll never let you go, because I know what you're after…!! *holds out Hongou Yui's Secret Book of Secret Recipes* I'll never let you have my star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pocky—

Nakago: *whispering* Or the Shinzaho…

Yui: *smacks Nakkie-poo* Oh, who cares about *that*…?!?! I *KNOW* she's here for my star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pock—

Miaka: *blinks* Um… Yui…? Can I have the Shinzaho, kudasai…?

Yui: *blinks in disbelief* NANI?!? You don't want my star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pocky…?!?! B-but, I t-thought—

Nakago: *rolling eyes* I hate to tell you this, Yui-sama, but I told you so…

Yui: *sniff* I was wrong…? That can't be – I'm never WRONG…!! *snaps* NAKAGO!! Bring out our secret-weapon-code-X-3000-version-2.365½—

Nakago: *asking hopefully* —Kutou soldiers…?

Yui: *whacks Nakkie-poo* H*ck, NO!! The chibi-suzaku-chicken-for-emergency-hostage-situations, you nutcase…!!

(Suzaku: *eyes boggled* HEY! I thought we were over the chibi suzaku-chicken thingie!!)

And so, dear Subo-chan comes in with a skeletal cage containing one frightened little chibi suzaku-chicken whimpering inside…

(Suzaku: *whimper* Why me… WHY *ME*…?!?!)

Miaka: *eyes wide* No…!! Anything but a chibi-suzaku-chicken-for-emergency-hostage-situations chibi suzaku-chicken…!!

Amiboshi: *sees frightened Miaka* I'll save it, Miaka-chan…!!

And so, without further ado, he flung the bucket containing the contents of Miaka-being-violently-sick towards the three plotting adversaries…

Yui: *stares at herself* Eww… what on earth is thi—am I melting…?!?! *grabs Nakago* Quick, do something, Nakkie-poo, I'm *MELTING*…!!

Nakago: *sweatdrop* As much as I'll like to, Yui-sama… I'm melting too…

Suboshi: Aniki – how could you do this to *mwe*~~~

Amiboshi: Suboshi…

Suboshi: Aniki…

Amiboshi: Suboshi…

Suboshi: Aniki…

Miaka: Amiboshi…

Suboshi: Aniki…?

Amiboshi: Miaka…

Yui: Suboshi!!

Suboshi: Yui-sama~~~

Nakago: …

*sizzle*

Amiboshi: Suboshi~~~

Miaka: Amiboshi…

*WHAM*

Tamahome: Miaka…!!

Miaka: Amibosh—Tamahome…?!

*and a minute later*

Tasuki: *sweatdrop* I'm thinking we missed something here…?

So, part the adventure ends here, for the Wicked Witch of the West was gone, and with it, her two scheming henchmen (Nakago: Hmph, *scheming* henchmen indeed… I didn't so much get 10 words out in this story…!!)(Suboshi: *wailing* Yui-sama~~~!!). But before they left the Wicked Witch of the West's Kutou shrine to her last seishi's care (because the chibi seiryuu-salamanders were just too cute to leave to their own)—

(Seiryuu: *spluttering his altar-top sake* Cute…? *CUTE*?! Did she just say I was *CUTE*…?!?!?!
Byakko & Genbu: *sweatdrop* Oy, I think she made him mad…)

—the miko and seishi had one last thing to do—

Miaka: Hey…! It's Yui's star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pocky…!!

(Yui-in-heaven: *lunges forward* *stopped by Suboshi's-arms-around-her-waist* I KNEW it!! She came for my star-winning recipe for lemon meringue pie topped with honey-glazed almond pocky…!! I'll get you yet, MI-A-KA…!! You, and your chibi suzaku-chicken too…!!)

(Suzaku: *sob* So much for being a punk – everyone's against me…!!
Seiryuu: More sake…?
Suzaku: *nod* From Taiitsukun's collection…?
Seiryuu: *grinning* You bet…)

Miaka: Oh, and the Shinzaho, of course… Hey…! Now that we have everything—

Tasuki: Let's get the h*ll out of here…

Chiriko: *nod* *beep*

Tamahome: *eyeing youngest seishi* Ya know, Chiriko… you might want to reconsider your that wish a'yours…

Chiriko: *sniffle* *beep*…

And so, off to Taikyoku-zan they went, this time arriving much faster with the aid of their-new-Master-Amiboshi's chibi-seiryuu-salamander-drawn-carriage—

(Seiryuu: *paling* Must she be so cruel…?!
Suzaku: More sake…?
Seiryuu: *grr* Forget the bowls, Suzie – chug it straight from the neck…!!
Suzaku: *hic* I like your style, brudda…!!)

—and landed, *plop* in the middle of the Oracle's throne room…

Miaka: Um… Taiitsukun…?

*chirp* *chirp* *chirp*

Miaka: *sweatdrop* Hmph… and I thought she'd be waiting for us…

Tasuki: *growling* Well, h*ll I ain't waiting for HER…!! Bad enough I have to put up with a okane-obsessed obake-chan (Tamahome: Hey…!), a good-but-too-young-swearing dictionary (Chiriko: *beep*…!!), and a just-wound-down-from-a-3-day-high miko…!! *bangs on mirror* OI, SUNAKAKE BABA!!

Voice: Da~~~ don't hurt me, no da…!!

Tasuki: *jumping back* C-chichiri…?

To their surprise, the giant mirror crashed (Tasuki: *sheepish grin* *tip-toeing backwards* Gee, guess I don't know my own strength…), revealing a chibified kawaii monk with poofy bangs, no da ©…

Chibi chiri: Da~~~ arigato for freeing me from behind the mirror, no da… Taiitsukun-sama locked me back there because I failed to paint her toenails the right color…

Seishi: *shudders* She made you do WHAT…?!?!

Chibi chiri: *sweatdrop* Um… nan demo nai, na no da… *blinks* Well… since you freed me from my spell, I'll grant you each a wish, no da… What'll it be, no da…?

Miaka: *getting dragged forward* *grumble* *grumble* *shyly* Um… I was wondering… since there's no Oracle of the 4 gods and all… Are you the Wizard of Oz…?

Chibi chiri: Oz, no da…? I have never heard of such a thing, no da… demo, I'm the Mage of Suzaku, no da… Does that help…?

Miaka: *wide-eyed* S-suzaku…?!

Chibi chiri: *nod* *nod* Hai, no da… Suzaku's our god, no da – *points to picture of Suzaku statue in Eiyo palace's shrine*

Miaka: *blinks* I-I've been eating the chibi-versions of a g-god…?!?!

(Suzaku: *snaps head* Oh, *NOW* she knows…!!
Seiryuu: Oh, shaddap…!! At least you have someone to save you from *your* fate…!!)

Chibi chiri: *sweatdrop* E-eat, no da…?

Miaka: *ignoring chibi chiri* I can't believe this… All my life… And okaa-san… and otou-san… and… Oh…! I have to stop this madness…!! *whirls around* Mage, I wish to be sent home to complete this new mission of preventing the world from consuming more chibi-gods…!!

Chibi chiri: … done, no da…

*poof*

And so, our mission-minded miko returned to her world to safely banish the appearance of chibi suzaku-chickens on any menu, thus we now do not see it regardless whether it is served as a specialty item or not… On the other hand, there *is* the issue of Phoenix claws served during Chinese dim sums… but that's another story…

Tamahome: Oi…!! What about us…?!?!

Oh…!! I almost forgot…

Chibi chiri: And what is your wish, Tama-kun…?

Tamahome: *ka-ching* $__$ I wish that I could be the world's—

Tasuki: *whispering* —biggest obake-chan there ever was, no da…

Tamahome: ^o^ —biggest obake-chan there ever was, no da…!!

Chibi chiri: … done, no da…

*poof*

Tamahome: *blink* What…?! The biggest obake-chan there ever was…?!?! NO~~~

Chibi chiri: And you, Chiriko-kun…?

Chiriko: *sniff* *beep*

Chibi chiri: No da…?

Chiriko: *glassy eyed* *be-eep*!!

Chibi chiri: *wide eyed* Na no da…?

Chiriko: *nods* *beep* *beep* *beep* *wails*

Chibi chiri: *smiles* … done, no da…

Chiriko: *beep*?

*poof*

Wonders of wonders, our Chiriko stood no more… Instead, in his place, was the most bishounen, the most biseinen, the most—*drool*

Adult Chiriko[3]: Arigato, Chichiri-sama…!! This wish worked better than my last…

Chibi chiri: *turning to his last charge* And you, Tas-chan…?

Tasuki: *fanged smirk* I don't wanna sound greedy, but can I split my wish into three…?

Chibi chiri: *scratch head* Um… sure, no da?

Tasuki: Alright, for my first part, I would like my tessen back…

Chibi chiri: *nod* Done, no da…

*poof*

Tasuki: *hugs tessen* It's gre-at to see you again, buddy (because authoress-sama needs you in the next sap-worthy, tear-jerky, Once upon a time… The end story…). *another fanged smirk* And for my second part, I would like the adult version of you instead…

Chibi chiri: *blush* Um… okay, no da…

*poof*

Chichiri: Is this alright, Tas-chan…?

Tasuki: *pounce*

Chichiri: T-tas-chan, no da…!!

Tasuki: *seductive purr* And for my third part, Chiri…

Chichiri: H-hai, no da…?

Tasuki: Shut up and kiss me, koi…

The end…

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Aoi Akiko rambles:

*flops onto bed* Finally done...!! I admit, this isn't as nice as 'The three little seishi', but I was writing it for a friend (love you, Irisu-san...!! Hope all goes well for your housemate issue... *hugs*). Did you enjoy it, minna...?

Notes

[1] Miko and seishi traveling westward to Kutou
I know that Kutou is in the east, but for sake of being canon to the original 'The Wizard of Oz', they'll be traveling west, where the Wicked Witch of the West will be...

[2] Tamiaka birds
This is an old... lame... joke... A friend and I couldn't stand Tamahome and Miaka's repetition of one another's name, so we called it the so-called 'mating call of the Tamiaka bird'. And thus, I'm adding this to the fic as well (*grin* I am so cruel...)

[3] Adult Chiriko
Daa~~~ Have you seen the picture sketch of teenager-Chiriko...? Honestly, neither have I, but I heard it's to die for... Anyhow, I added this in upon the request of a friend of mine (Chiriko_kid). This one's for you, girl...!!

Hey, hey, don't go yet...!! There's one more story to go...!!