Disclaimer: I do not own Lilo & Stitch or any of the characters therein.
CHAPTER TWO:
WHAT'S SCIENCE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
It was about ten o'clock in the morning by the time Jumba came back up from his lab. Everyone was awake now, sitting at the kitchen table attempting to eat the undercooked poached eggs on toast that Pleakley had prepared. When Jumba waddled past them all on his way to the living room, Pleakley popped up in front of him and leaned in very close to his face, sniffing. Jumba shoved him back.
"I am not liking giant one eyeball in my face so early in morning!" he grumbled, trying to step around the smaller alien.
"I smell donuts on you, mister! Donuts and coffee!" Pleakley scolded, wagging a finger in his face. "I bought those donuts and made that coffee myself to avoid making breakfast, which I had to make anyway because SOMEBODY made off with them while I went out to get the paper, which, by the way, WAS ALREADY GONE!!!"
"Really?" Jumba asked innocently, trying to conceal the newspaper behind his back. "I thought donuts vere token of appreciation or something. And coffee vas plentiful. I only filled my thermos vith it."
"Actually," said Lilo, getting up from the table, "Stitch drank the rest. He's out somewhere with Sparky working it off."
"Aha! See? I didn't take ALL the coffee!"
"But you took all the donuts!" Pleakley yelled. "And you didn't even leave a crumb! And I bet you're still hungry, aren't you?"
Jumba glanced at the table, at all the half-empty plates of food. "Vell, actually -"
"Forget it! No more fatty delicious Earth food for you! You need to go on a diet! I mean, just look at you! If you hadn't destroyed this house and then rebuilt it to suit your needs, you wouldn't even be able to fit through the front door!"
Here Jumba looked offended. "Excuse me, little anorexic offspring of a beanpole, but I am not in need of dieting in order to lose veight! I am considered in excellent shape for man of my species, and might I be adding, very attractive to the ladies." he said this with great pride and Lilo giggled. "Furthermore, I am not -"
"Look! A UFO!" Lilo shouted, and Jumba spun around looking frantic.
"Vhere?"
Lilo giggled again, then poked a pudgy finger into the alien's bulbous middle.
"Right there!" she told him. "Unidentified FAT object!"
"Lilo!" Nani said reprovingly, though she was hiding a smile.
"Well, it's true!" Lilo pointed out. "And just like a real UFO, you can never get a clear picture of it!"
Pleakley snickered and Jumba gave a very sarcastic laugh. "Yes, very funny fat joke, little insignificant Earth girl. My sides are splitting. And you -" he rounded on Pleakley, "you von't be laughing vhen I make your skinny stick-body to hula through drainpipe!!!"
And he stalked off into the living room. Lilo returned to the table and Pleakley followed Jumba to yell at him some more.
* * * *
Alone in his bedroom an hour later, Jumba reread the front page article of the newspaper. At the end of it he sighed, pondering what the success of such an experiment would mean to humanity. He thought it very unlikely that they would use their newfound capabilities wisely. In his own opinion, humans were not ready for extrauterine fetal development. Heck, they could barely handle their current technology without bungling things up. Take nuclear weapons, for example. And the internet. There was always someone getting hurt by fallout or hackers with viruses. Always something going wrong… and all at the hands of these erect, five-fingered graduates from the ape kingdom. Again Jumba would have to punish himself for such negative thoughts, and remind himself that there was some good in the heart of humanity - just like the old woman in the café had shown him.
Slowly, he turned his four eyes to look out the window. Just past a grove of tropical trees and a handful of houses was the ocean, shimmering almost blindingly beneath the midday sun. he sighed again. Earth IS very beautiful planet, he admitted to himself. Such a shame that it is all going to vaste. He shut the blinds then and crossed the room to his bed, where he lay down heavily on it and stared up at the ceiling. For a long time he lay there thinking… about humanity… about his own kind… about himself… about all his experiments… and about everyone's place in the universe.
"Vhat am I doing here?" he demanded of the ceiling. "I don't fit in here any better than I did back on home planet. This 'family' thing is nice… is interesting change… but is not practical for man like me. I don't take family for granted, but little girl and 626 remind me too much of child I never vas…of child I never HAD. Ex-wife didn't even vant children… said childbearing vas too messy and painful… not to mention too consuming of time…I don't blame her for refusing my seed…heh, I vould have refused me myself… am not built for bearing babies, and even if I vas…" Jumba rolled over on his side and shuddered, recalling one of the live births he had attended early on in his medical training. "So much screaming and cursing…not to mention all the blood and amniotic fluids, gushing forth like breaking of dam!"
It had been bad enough to witness a birth of his own species, but when it came to other, more peculiar, alien species, such as Pleakley's, he still winced a little at their memory. And yet… he sighed sadly, wishing for once that he had paid more attention to his wife, instead of pretending that he had been "too busy to come to bed" during the brief period when she had considered getting pregnant. That had been right before their marriage had crumbled completely. The final straw that had broken the old girl's back.
"So sorry, my lovely Yezzy. You vere right vhen you said you deserved better than me. I don't blame you for being unable to tame an evil genius… it just vasn't meant to be."
* * * *
A little while later Nani came knocking on Jumba's door, waking him up.
"Hey, are you okay in here?" she asked him, surprised to see him lying in bed at half past noon. Jumba grunted in response.
"Am just going through some things right now. Nothing for to vorry about, Nani-girl. Oh, and apologies for stealing donuts. Vill make it up to you, I promise, soon as I - ahem! - take care of a few things." He sat up slowly and yawned.
"No big deal," Nani replied. "Pleakley made us a very, umm, 'interesting' breakfast, so it's not like we went hungry or anything. I just wanted to make sure everything's alright… Oh! And to ask you if you wanted to go downtown with us. There's a classic car convention at the Birds of Paradise Hotel. Afterward we'll probably be going to Kiki's Tiki for lunch."
Jumba waved a hand at her dismissively. "Thank you, but no. I think I vould prefer nice, quiet afternoon vith myself for change."
Nani raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"
"Am positive, Earth niece. Primitive antique vehicle showing vill be lasting entire veekend. I can stop by it tomorrow on my vay to vork."
"But you don't work tomorrow. Terry's Transmissions is closed on Sundays, remember?"
Jumba scratched his head. "Ah, yes. Such a shame, too. I always look forward to long hours spent under greasy Earth vehicles. As for car show - I vill make sure to catch it before it's over vith. You go on ahead and enjoy, and have you no vorries about your Uncle Jumba. He is a man who is liking his solitude to be dvelling in. Is hard to explain, but sometimes -"
"That's alright," Nani sighed, turning to leave. "I understand. It's a mad scientist thing, isn't it?"
Jumba puffed out his chest, looking indignant. "I told you I prefer the term -"
"Evil genius, I know," Nani finished for him, rolling her eyes. "Same difference, anyway."
"Not necessarily," Jumba replied, sounding serious. "Solitude is having nothing to vith science. I am taking quiet time alone to visit vith very important, non-scientific thoughts. Am much more than maniacal geneticist exterior reveals. I have heart, you know, and am not appreciating this label of 'mad scientist' you give me."
At this, Nani frowned, considering his argument. After a moment she sighed irritably, then leaned against the door frame and folded her arms across her chest.
"Okay, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, Jumba, but your behavior and your actions around the house really aren't helping any. If you want people to see you as the sensitive, emotional individual you claim to be, then you need to open yourself up and show them that that's what you are, instead of hiding behind test tubes and beakers and all that other weird 'sciency' stuff you've got brewing down in your lab. That's where you are every day, from sunup to sundown, working on some crazy new experiment, and you only come back up for food and to sleep, and lately you haven't even been sleeping in your own bed. You've just been living down in that lab of yours ever since you got here!"
Nani sounded very irritated by the time she finished her speech. She had practically shouted out the last few words, although she hadn't meant to. Just like the massive four-eyed alien sitting in front of her, she always found it very hard to express herself appropriately when it came to her concern for the person she was speaking to. As with Lilo, love and sympathy usually tended to show themselves in a less-than-favorable form, like the bitterness she was now showing her 'adopted' uncle. Now, the confrontation began to grow heated, as the two stubborn Taurus' butted heads with each other.
"Vhat do you vant from me?" Jumba demanded, getting to his feet. "A flower lei and a kiss on the cheek? I am not used to expressing myself so emotionally! You know the old saying: 'you cannot teach an old trog new tricks?' Vell, that's vhat I am, old trog, who is not knowing how to show sensitivity because he vas never shown any himself!"
"Well maybe if you'd been more sensitive in the first place others would have been more sensitive to you!" Nani yelled, taking a few steps toward him, looking ready to fight. "Did you ever think of it that way? Or is your genius mind too crowded with self-pity and quantum physics to even consider it? Maybe you'd like me to draw you a diagram so that you can understand it in scientific terms!"
"VILL YOU SHTOP VITH ALL THE SCIENTIFIC NONSENSE?!! YOU VOULDN'T BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND EVEN A FRACTION OF VHAT I DO, OR HOW I FEEL VHEN YOU ARE MAKING THESE ACCUSATIONS! I MAY BE A MAN OF SCIENCE, BUT I AM ALSO BEING A PERSON VITH FEELINGS VHICH ARE NOT BEING RESPECTED! THIS IS EXACTLY VHY I CAME TO THIS PLANET IN THE FIRST PLACE! TO LIVE PEACEFUL EXISTENCE VITHOUT PERSECUTION! BUT VHAT DO I GET EXCEPT EVEN MORE PERSECUTING FOR JUST BEING MYSELF! AND FROM DENSE, UNDER-EVOLVED APE-COUSIN, NO LESS!!!"
At this, Nani gasped, throwing a hand up to cover her mouth in shock. Jumba just stared at her, equally shocked by what he had just said. Before he could say anything further, Nani recovered, and was now giving him the dirtiest of looks. She balled her hands into fists, struggling to keep them at her sides as she said in a low growl, "So, is that what you think I am? Is that how you see human beings with those four freakish eyes of yours?"
"Now just a minute -!"
"Well, since we're being totally honest with each other for once, you wanna know what I think of you?" Nani demanded, seething with rage. "Well, I'm not sure there's even an accurate enough word for what I'm thinking in any human language! Except maybe that thing Stitch likes to call you behind your back."
"And vhat's that?" Jumba demanded, taking a few steps closer and puffing himself up so that he towered over Nani. As if on cue, Stitch poked his head into the room and said the magic words: "Meega na la queeshta?"
Hearing them, Jumba roared "VHAT?!!" and Stitch took off just as quickly as he had appeared.
"Is that vhat you think of me, pathetic little Earth girl?"
Nani simply smiled at him and nodded. Jumba was livid.
"Vhy, that is ten times vorse than vhat I said about you!" he told her.
"Is it really?" Nani asked him, sounding almost bored with the argument. "Personally, I don't think it really matters what level of insult you use. It's the feelings behind them that give them their power to hurt others, and what you said about me hurts a lot worse than you can imagine!"
"DON'T start your accusing-me-of-being-insensitive garbage again, because THAT hurts me even more!!!" Jumba shouted.
"Well, how the hell do you know that?" Nani demanded, getting in his face. "If you REALLY knew what it felt like to be called a - a- retarded monkey or whatever you said, and by a four-eyed monster who thinks he's so superior to you, then you wouldn't be such an unfeeling dick and we wouldn't even be having this argument!!!"
This time it was Jumba's turn to gasp. He stood there, staring face-to-face with her for only a moment before all the anger exploded out of him and he shouted "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!" before pushing her roughly out the door and slamming it shut with such force that several picture frames fell off the wall surrounding it and a patch of plaster cracked and dropped from the ceiling above. Breathing heavily, Jumba leaned against the door and sat down on the floor, covering his face with his hands. Down the hall he could hear hurried footsteps, both alien and human, growing louder as they rushed to see what was happening. He heard Lilo asking her sister if someone had just been murdered, and Pleakley asking in a shaky voice if she was alright. Nani's response, whatever it was, was too quiet for him to decipher.
"If that monster laid so much as a finger on you -" Pleakley was saying loudly, and Jumba's heart wrenched painfully as he thought about how hard he had shoved her. For a creature of his strength, it wouldn't have taken very much for him to have caused her some serious injuries, and the very idea that he might have hurt Nani physically was too much to even think about just then. Just knowing that he had hurt her emotionally was enough to bring him near tears, which he was now fighting back as he listened to the footsteps and voices of his ohana fade away into the distance.
* * * *
Exciting little cliff-hanger there, dontcha think? Their first argument! (Wipes away a tear) Anyway, I think I'm finally on a roll now with this take on Jumba's life. Lots more to come. (Puts on ridiculous-sounding Russian accent) Thanx for reading and please to be reviewing story!!!