- Minnesota, the middle of nowhere -
Kip was not really in a good mood. First of all, Joe had yelled at her for being late, even though she created the illusion of the cut on her head and the scrape on her arm. Liz had gone all panicky and bandaged her up nice and neat, but Joe had still been steaming. "We hire a teenager and look what happens!" he fumed, going back into the kitchen, still shaking his head.
Liz was almost just as annoying, especially as she made sure to announce to the entire diner what had happened to Kip. "Some idiot practically ran her over! Can you believe it?" None of them could, and they all made sure to tip Kip well, to make up for it. Sometimes you just had to love truckers.
It was later, around dinnertime, that Kip came out of the kitchen with a full tray in time to hear Liz tell the story to the group of newcomers who had just been seated and given menus. The only problem was, Butler and the young man were among this new group. Kip avoided their gaze and set the plates of cherry pile around the table in the corner.
"Did you get the license plate number?" one man called across the room.
Kip almost laughed at that. "Yeah, right before I jumped out of the way," she joked. "They're probably in Canada by now, if you want to go try and catch them. Can I get you anything?" she asked Butler and the young man. Butler nodded and placed both their orders, though the young man seemed a bit slow; he did not look like he could believe she was letting them off the hook that easily.
"Amazing you were not hurt worse," he said softly. "If I am not mistaken, you have cleaned up that uniform quite well, and the patching is immaculate."
Her blue eyes flashed, though she pretended not to understand. "I'll be out with your drinks shortly," Kip said, collecting the menus and hustling back to the kitchen.
* * *
Butler chuckled slightly. "As soon as you put your eyes back in, Artemis, care to tell me the next step in this plan?"
"Plan?" Artemis looked dazed and he shook his head to clear it. There was just something about her - she was short, yes, but that was to be expected if her father was a sprite. He guessed she topped out around five feet, if not a bit shorter, and she had the clearest blue eyes he had ever seen, eyes like the sky on a fine day. The only plan in his head right then was how to see her again, which was strange, considering he should have been pining away for his computer.
"You see no damage to her arm, and I am willing to bet there is nothing for that bandage to be patching up on her forehead. Fairy healing powers. How do you propose we tell her who she really is?"
"We can't just exactly tell hr straight out. She'd think we were lying, or mocking her, or something. We have to get her to trust us first."
"And that will involve coming up with a reason to stay here and see her often," Butler said, knowing that would be coming sooner or later and already having a story worked out. He had spoken to Foaly more often than his young charge and was in on the "Operation Matchmaker" joke, though he had thought from the beginning there may be more to the name than the fairies gave credit. This girl was bound to be complicated, yes, and perhaps dangerous, the combination Butler would search out in a woman himself had he not been Artemis' bodyguard.
"You have a reason."
Butler simply smiled.
* * *
Kip was not really in a good mood when she got back to her apartment and, when she flicked on the lights, it really went downhill from there. Actually, the sight that made her moan inwardly was the rear end of someone sticking out of her refrigerator, albeit a very recognizable rear end. "Mulch Diggums, it's not really the day for you to be showing up here," she said testily, closing the door and throwing the various locks that the previous paranoid tenant had installed.
"I beg to differ," the dwarf said, closing the door and beginning to gnaw on one of the carrots from his armful. "It's the perfect day for me to be here."
"Oh?"
"Sure. You've got the entire underground community searching for you."
"Yes, I know," she said through gritted teeth, pulling out a chair and collapsing in it.
The dwarf climbed into another one, dumping his meal on the table and wiping his mouth with the back of his hairy hand. "Yep, and they'll never find you. So, they never find you, they never find me."
"You're so sure."
"'Course." He burped. "'Scuse me. Not even those newfangled wings'll get them here in one night, 'specially not in the summer when nights are so short."
Kip chuckled a bit at that. "So you seek asylum."
"Sure. We're two of a kind, you and me. Me, I'm not wanted there and you don't belong there, so that's the basis of a beautiful relationship."
"You forget I still have my fairy magic whereas you were forced to give yours up from entering Mud Man dwellings without first being invited."
"You don't belong there anyway, kid." He gestured with a carrot. "You're almost nineteen and definitely have a Mud Man lifespan, so it's not like anyone down there's going to give a rip. Three blinks and you're gone."
Making a mental note to introduce Mulch and Liz, Kip retorted, "Yeah, and it's not like either of us belong up here, anyway."
"You mean because of the dwarf thing and the gee-I've-got-magical-powers- anyway thing? Yep, we're outcasts. So we might as well be outcasts together."
Kip shook her head in disgust. "Tell me about Artemis Fowl," she said suddenly, as if changing the subject.
"Why do you want to know about him? He's in Ireland, probably wrecking havoc on some poor psychiatrist as we speak."
"He's tall, and pale, with dark hair."
"Yes, I told you that already."
"And he always travels with a big guy, a bodyguard."
"Named Butler, yes." Mulch shook his shaggy head. "Honestly, kid, what's the point in knowing all this if you're never going to cross paths?"
"Oh, he literally crossed my path this afternoon. I'm just lucky I was too slow to be right in the way."
Mulch dropped a carrot. "Mud Boy, here? Why?"
"Three guesses," Kip said wryly.
"But why would they want you back?" the dwarf asked hoarsely. "It's not like it's even possible you could be just like any of them."
"Well, maybe whoever the guy was that was this dumb finally fessed up and now they want to destroy the evidence, hmm?"
"Look, kid, when you found all that on the internet - "
"And caught you trying to steal my bike?"
"It was all just an accident we found each other. I didn't tell anyone about this."
She rolled her eyes. "Duh you didn't bring Fowl here. I'm not blaming you."
"'Course you're not." But Mulch looked relieved. "So, uh, what happens now?
Kip started massaging her temples. "Look, you honestly have no idea who the guy was?"
"Nope. I'm just hopin' it wasn't Root."
"Well, then." Kip stood and started off toward her room. "I'm not doing anything. In fact, I'll be doing so much nothing I'll be a complete Mud Man and ignorant to boot. Personally, I want to meet this guy. And I'm really curious about where this'll be going."
Mulch shook his head. "You have no idea what you're getting into."
"You don't have to stay."
"Hah!"
Kip sighed. "The extra sheets are in the same closet. Just don't fold yourself up in the sofa bed again, all right? Because I'm not getting you out."
"Yes, ma'am." Mulch threw a salute before Kip shut her door and - for good measure - locked that, too.
- Operations Booth -
Foaly waited impatiently. "Well? I asked you: did you find her?"
"Yes and no," Artemis said distractedly. "Look, we have ourselves an apartment in the area and we know where she works. This is just more difficult than you made it seem, okay?"
"Oh, really? How so?"
Artemis snorted. "You can't just go up to a girl and say, 'Hi, I've met your real father. What's he like? Oh, green, rather short, nice pair of wings . . . yeah, he's a sprite.' Things just don't work that way!"
Foaly chuckled.
"Come on, what if she has some wonderful adoptive father or something?"
"Not to mention, what if she laughs you off the face of the earth?" Foaly completed. "Look, we're really in no hurry down here, despite what Root says, and maybe it'd be better if she never meets Chix, anyway. You're the one with the Mud Man timetable."
"Hah, hah. Now, can we get back to furnishing our wonderful abode?"
"If you must." Foaly clicked out, a smile stretching his face. Mud Boy, worried about upsetting some girl? Butler must have been right in his suspicions.
- Minnesota, the middle of nowhere -
Mulch was sitting on the couch, munching some more carrots and listening to her CDs when Kip got back. "We've got a problem," he said mournfully.
"I can buy more carrots tomorrow," she grumbled. It had been a long day, and she was lucky to get out at seven instead of being roped into another few hours.
"It's not carrots. It's your new neighbors."
"Oh? Goblins, are they?" She kicked off her shoes and plopped down next to him, clicking to the next track.
"Worse."
"Your mother-in-law?"
"Fowl."
Kip snorted. "Right, real funny."
"And Butler."
She blinked. "Surely you jest. 5B?"
"Where else is empty?"
"You checked?" But Kip was only mildly surprised; dwarf instincts were hard to put to rest.
"Yep. And they managed to go out and buy some coordinating furniture. It was delivered just before you got here."
Kip let out a low whistle. "So you weren't kidding when you said he was rich."
"Trust me: you marry him, you're set for life."
"The enemy of the Lower Elements? Not exactly top on my list. Prince William, maybe, but not a guy named Artemis. Seriously, what were his parents thinking?"
"About naming him after his father?"
She snorted. "Artemis was a Greek goddess. Of archery and something else, I think. Wonder if he knows it's a feminine name?"
"I'm guessing he wouldn't care if he did."
"Right." She propped her feet up on the scratched coffee table, only a couple bucks at a garage sale.
"Why aren't you more worried?" Mulch asked, looking up at her.
"Because one, he can't kidnap me without raising too many questions, and two, I kind of want to know what they know about me. How much, I mean, and what they intend to do about it. Things that might be worth knowing."
"What's worth knowing about a bunch of fairies?" the dwarf asked sourly, bits of carrot clinging to his beard.
Kip just smiled.
Kip was not really in a good mood. First of all, Joe had yelled at her for being late, even though she created the illusion of the cut on her head and the scrape on her arm. Liz had gone all panicky and bandaged her up nice and neat, but Joe had still been steaming. "We hire a teenager and look what happens!" he fumed, going back into the kitchen, still shaking his head.
Liz was almost just as annoying, especially as she made sure to announce to the entire diner what had happened to Kip. "Some idiot practically ran her over! Can you believe it?" None of them could, and they all made sure to tip Kip well, to make up for it. Sometimes you just had to love truckers.
It was later, around dinnertime, that Kip came out of the kitchen with a full tray in time to hear Liz tell the story to the group of newcomers who had just been seated and given menus. The only problem was, Butler and the young man were among this new group. Kip avoided their gaze and set the plates of cherry pile around the table in the corner.
"Did you get the license plate number?" one man called across the room.
Kip almost laughed at that. "Yeah, right before I jumped out of the way," she joked. "They're probably in Canada by now, if you want to go try and catch them. Can I get you anything?" she asked Butler and the young man. Butler nodded and placed both their orders, though the young man seemed a bit slow; he did not look like he could believe she was letting them off the hook that easily.
"Amazing you were not hurt worse," he said softly. "If I am not mistaken, you have cleaned up that uniform quite well, and the patching is immaculate."
Her blue eyes flashed, though she pretended not to understand. "I'll be out with your drinks shortly," Kip said, collecting the menus and hustling back to the kitchen.
* * *
Butler chuckled slightly. "As soon as you put your eyes back in, Artemis, care to tell me the next step in this plan?"
"Plan?" Artemis looked dazed and he shook his head to clear it. There was just something about her - she was short, yes, but that was to be expected if her father was a sprite. He guessed she topped out around five feet, if not a bit shorter, and she had the clearest blue eyes he had ever seen, eyes like the sky on a fine day. The only plan in his head right then was how to see her again, which was strange, considering he should have been pining away for his computer.
"You see no damage to her arm, and I am willing to bet there is nothing for that bandage to be patching up on her forehead. Fairy healing powers. How do you propose we tell her who she really is?"
"We can't just exactly tell hr straight out. She'd think we were lying, or mocking her, or something. We have to get her to trust us first."
"And that will involve coming up with a reason to stay here and see her often," Butler said, knowing that would be coming sooner or later and already having a story worked out. He had spoken to Foaly more often than his young charge and was in on the "Operation Matchmaker" joke, though he had thought from the beginning there may be more to the name than the fairies gave credit. This girl was bound to be complicated, yes, and perhaps dangerous, the combination Butler would search out in a woman himself had he not been Artemis' bodyguard.
"You have a reason."
Butler simply smiled.
* * *
Kip was not really in a good mood when she got back to her apartment and, when she flicked on the lights, it really went downhill from there. Actually, the sight that made her moan inwardly was the rear end of someone sticking out of her refrigerator, albeit a very recognizable rear end. "Mulch Diggums, it's not really the day for you to be showing up here," she said testily, closing the door and throwing the various locks that the previous paranoid tenant had installed.
"I beg to differ," the dwarf said, closing the door and beginning to gnaw on one of the carrots from his armful. "It's the perfect day for me to be here."
"Oh?"
"Sure. You've got the entire underground community searching for you."
"Yes, I know," she said through gritted teeth, pulling out a chair and collapsing in it.
The dwarf climbed into another one, dumping his meal on the table and wiping his mouth with the back of his hairy hand. "Yep, and they'll never find you. So, they never find you, they never find me."
"You're so sure."
"'Course." He burped. "'Scuse me. Not even those newfangled wings'll get them here in one night, 'specially not in the summer when nights are so short."
Kip chuckled a bit at that. "So you seek asylum."
"Sure. We're two of a kind, you and me. Me, I'm not wanted there and you don't belong there, so that's the basis of a beautiful relationship."
"You forget I still have my fairy magic whereas you were forced to give yours up from entering Mud Man dwellings without first being invited."
"You don't belong there anyway, kid." He gestured with a carrot. "You're almost nineteen and definitely have a Mud Man lifespan, so it's not like anyone down there's going to give a rip. Three blinks and you're gone."
Making a mental note to introduce Mulch and Liz, Kip retorted, "Yeah, and it's not like either of us belong up here, anyway."
"You mean because of the dwarf thing and the gee-I've-got-magical-powers- anyway thing? Yep, we're outcasts. So we might as well be outcasts together."
Kip shook her head in disgust. "Tell me about Artemis Fowl," she said suddenly, as if changing the subject.
"Why do you want to know about him? He's in Ireland, probably wrecking havoc on some poor psychiatrist as we speak."
"He's tall, and pale, with dark hair."
"Yes, I told you that already."
"And he always travels with a big guy, a bodyguard."
"Named Butler, yes." Mulch shook his shaggy head. "Honestly, kid, what's the point in knowing all this if you're never going to cross paths?"
"Oh, he literally crossed my path this afternoon. I'm just lucky I was too slow to be right in the way."
Mulch dropped a carrot. "Mud Boy, here? Why?"
"Three guesses," Kip said wryly.
"But why would they want you back?" the dwarf asked hoarsely. "It's not like it's even possible you could be just like any of them."
"Well, maybe whoever the guy was that was this dumb finally fessed up and now they want to destroy the evidence, hmm?"
"Look, kid, when you found all that on the internet - "
"And caught you trying to steal my bike?"
"It was all just an accident we found each other. I didn't tell anyone about this."
She rolled her eyes. "Duh you didn't bring Fowl here. I'm not blaming you."
"'Course you're not." But Mulch looked relieved. "So, uh, what happens now?
Kip started massaging her temples. "Look, you honestly have no idea who the guy was?"
"Nope. I'm just hopin' it wasn't Root."
"Well, then." Kip stood and started off toward her room. "I'm not doing anything. In fact, I'll be doing so much nothing I'll be a complete Mud Man and ignorant to boot. Personally, I want to meet this guy. And I'm really curious about where this'll be going."
Mulch shook his head. "You have no idea what you're getting into."
"You don't have to stay."
"Hah!"
Kip sighed. "The extra sheets are in the same closet. Just don't fold yourself up in the sofa bed again, all right? Because I'm not getting you out."
"Yes, ma'am." Mulch threw a salute before Kip shut her door and - for good measure - locked that, too.
- Operations Booth -
Foaly waited impatiently. "Well? I asked you: did you find her?"
"Yes and no," Artemis said distractedly. "Look, we have ourselves an apartment in the area and we know where she works. This is just more difficult than you made it seem, okay?"
"Oh, really? How so?"
Artemis snorted. "You can't just go up to a girl and say, 'Hi, I've met your real father. What's he like? Oh, green, rather short, nice pair of wings . . . yeah, he's a sprite.' Things just don't work that way!"
Foaly chuckled.
"Come on, what if she has some wonderful adoptive father or something?"
"Not to mention, what if she laughs you off the face of the earth?" Foaly completed. "Look, we're really in no hurry down here, despite what Root says, and maybe it'd be better if she never meets Chix, anyway. You're the one with the Mud Man timetable."
"Hah, hah. Now, can we get back to furnishing our wonderful abode?"
"If you must." Foaly clicked out, a smile stretching his face. Mud Boy, worried about upsetting some girl? Butler must have been right in his suspicions.
- Minnesota, the middle of nowhere -
Mulch was sitting on the couch, munching some more carrots and listening to her CDs when Kip got back. "We've got a problem," he said mournfully.
"I can buy more carrots tomorrow," she grumbled. It had been a long day, and she was lucky to get out at seven instead of being roped into another few hours.
"It's not carrots. It's your new neighbors."
"Oh? Goblins, are they?" She kicked off her shoes and plopped down next to him, clicking to the next track.
"Worse."
"Your mother-in-law?"
"Fowl."
Kip snorted. "Right, real funny."
"And Butler."
She blinked. "Surely you jest. 5B?"
"Where else is empty?"
"You checked?" But Kip was only mildly surprised; dwarf instincts were hard to put to rest.
"Yep. And they managed to go out and buy some coordinating furniture. It was delivered just before you got here."
Kip let out a low whistle. "So you weren't kidding when you said he was rich."
"Trust me: you marry him, you're set for life."
"The enemy of the Lower Elements? Not exactly top on my list. Prince William, maybe, but not a guy named Artemis. Seriously, what were his parents thinking?"
"About naming him after his father?"
She snorted. "Artemis was a Greek goddess. Of archery and something else, I think. Wonder if he knows it's a feminine name?"
"I'm guessing he wouldn't care if he did."
"Right." She propped her feet up on the scratched coffee table, only a couple bucks at a garage sale.
"Why aren't you more worried?" Mulch asked, looking up at her.
"Because one, he can't kidnap me without raising too many questions, and two, I kind of want to know what they know about me. How much, I mean, and what they intend to do about it. Things that might be worth knowing."
"What's worth knowing about a bunch of fairies?" the dwarf asked sourly, bits of carrot clinging to his beard.
Kip just smiled.