It's been seven months since she left the SGC, and all that time she's spent in and out of hospital beds. Thankfully Simmons didn't get his hands on her for whatever he would use a prior host for. But that's not the biggest worry, or even a worry that she's had the luxury of considering.
"Jonas, what have you got for us today?" I ask as I sit down in the briefing room. It's never seemed so empty as it does right now, with her gone. I never noticed how the end of the table seems to extend forever into the space of the room, or how…
"Nothing, Colonel, I've got absolutely nothing," the newest member of SG-1 tosses a file folder on the table in exasperation, "The Tok'ra don't have a thing, the Asgard are stumped… I don't know who else we know to ask, Jack."
"Jonas Quinn, it is not helping that you cannot remain calm."
I glance over at Teal'c, it doesn't help that he never seems to loose his calm either. "If we are going to help Major Carter through this difficult time we must all remain cool of head," Teal'c looks directly at me as he says this and I frown slightly. Jonas seems to disregard the look I'm being fed so evenly by our Jaffa comrade.
"Teal'c has a valuable point, gentlemen," Hammond says as he steps out of his office. "I want you all to take some time off for a little while, you're working yourselves into the ground and that isn't good for you, for Major Carter, or for the SGC."
"But General - " Jonas and I begin at the same time.
"No buts, gentlemen, that was an order. You are all dismissed."
I look across the table at Jonas and he sighs, lowering his head and clenching his jaw. He's been taking this really hard, since Carter's symptoms started after she was helping him with figuring out the functions of that device from P3X-684. He blames himself, I know, but I blame myself too.
I get up from the table and turn, heading up to the locker room to change. When Hammond orders us off-base for some down time he means it, and I have no wish to be strong armed to my vehicle by several heavily armed MPs.
After a quick stop at the locker room I step into the elevator, and find myself face to face with Janet. She looks just as worn out and worn down as the rest of us do, and I have a feeling she's blaming herself too.
"So, why hasn't the General ordered you to bed as well, Doc?"
"He did, seventeen hours ago," I just notice the wrinkles in her uniform as she says this, "I just woke up, and now I'm making rounds."
"Doc…" I begin, but she glances at me sharply and I suddenly know better than to try and scold her. "Take a shower first. You smell."
We reach her floor and she gets out without even bothering to dignify my comment with a response. As I pause, waiting on the elevator to get up the remaining twelve floors to the main level, I zone out, staring at the red numbers as they shift.
*
"Carter, what's your position?"
"Jonas and I are examining artifacts inside the main cavern, sir."
"O'Neill, what was that noise?"
"Carter, come in… Jonas?"
"Something… came out of the device, Colonel… Sam's down."
Teal'c and I glance at one another and start towards the cave at a swift jog, once we make it in, the room has gone dark and there's only a faint glow, which is coming from Carter's body. She groans as we enter the room and sits up slowly.
"Anyone get the name of that truck…?" her voice wavers a little, but she seems fine, one hand pressed to her forehead.
"Sam…" Jonas begins, voice empty and awe-struck.
"Jonas? What's wrong?" she asks, getting to her feet with a little assistance from Teal'c. She looks around to find all of us staring at her and then she notices it too, looking around for a moment. "What happened to the… lights?"
"That's it, Jonas, pack up that thing, Carter, Teal'c prepare to move out, we're getting back to the SGC, pronto."
*
Sitting in front of the wheel of my car I wonder how I got here and what is going on for a moment, before I remember Hammond's orders. I start up the car, Carter's last waking words replaying in my head.
*
"There was really nothing else to do, sir. It was… an…"
*
She passed out, again, without even finishing her sentence. I suppose it would be ok, I glance at my watch, I should make visiting hours if I push it, and Hammond never said to get some rest, just to take some time off. I pull out into the traffic and head towards the hospital.
***
"I'm exceedingly sorry, sir, but visiting hours don't begin for another two hours."
I hate nurses, and I hate hospitals. The idea of her in one, being tended by them disturbs me, I guess I much prefer it when she can be released to being watched over at her own home. Every couple weeks her condition seems to stabilize enough to allow her to be released to the care of a nurse on-base or in her own home.
I sigh and sit down, remembering my continuing joke that she'll faint when she wakes up over the medical bills that are waiting for her. I'm certain Hammond, and probably Janet, Jonas, and Teal'c, all know where I've gone. It's not overly hard to guess. I'm more of a regular at the high security hospital she stays in than anyone else. Janet, I'm sure, would like to spend more time here, but she has other duties that require her to spend more time on base than the three-person SG-1.
Hammond hasn't had the heart to reassign someone to the team yet, and I, for one, am hoping that he doesn't for a while. Carter will pull out of this, she's just got to give me a good scare so that I appreciate her…
"That won't be necessary, Melissa. Colonel O'Neill can go in to see the major now, if he likes."
I glance up from my empty hands, not having realized that I was slouched and staring so intently at them. The one nurse I've come to accept as not being evil incarnate is standing with a sad sort of smile on her face. Melissa has me sign myself in and then walks off, a disgruntled look on her face.
"You know if I got as much attention from someone as she does from you, I'd be married."
I smile wryly, "I'm just a worried commanding officer, Miss Jones."
"And I'm just a janitor," she mutters, showing me back to Sam's room herself. "I'm certain she knows you come to see her, Colonel."
"Then why doesn't she wake up and say hello?" the comment, and the tone of my voice, are both out of my control. They sound bitter, and selfish. It must be a combination of fatigue and stress. Generally, the longer someone is unconscious, the less hope there is that they will wake up.
Miss Jones doesn't answer, but steps back, holding the door open for me to enter, and lowering her head slightly. I pass her with another heavy sigh and take a chair from near the door to sit next to Sam's bed.
***
I don't know how long I've been sitting here, or when exactly I took her hand, or who came and draped the blanket over my shoulders when I fell asleep, but the voice that wakes me up is clear as day.
"Hammond told me I'd probably find you here, Jack."
"Jacob?"
"Other people care about her too, Jack. Don't be so surprised." He draws up a chair on the other side of the bed and takes a moment to stroke her temple, brushing the hair from her brow, and then takes her hand in a caring manner.
I never really stopped to think of what Jacob Carter was going through, when it all started happening, it happened so fast that I didn't think to contact him right away, and when we finally called up the Tok'ra, Jacob and Selmac were on assignment and couldn't be contacted yet.
"I-"
"No need for words, Jack. I understand."
Slowly, I stand, and offer him the blanket that was draped across me. Outside, the sunlight is fading quickly and as I glance at the clock I notice that I've been in the hospital for seven hours. I can't stay after sundown, it disturbs me to see her at night, when she starts glowing.
"Will you be on Earth long, Jacob?"
"A few days," he responds, taking the blanket and setting it across the arm of his chair. "Why?"
"I'm going to go fishing tomorrow… I think, and I wondered if you might like to join me." Nothing better to do, I guess.
"I think I'd like that, Jack."
"Meet you here tomorrow then… and we'll leave from here."
Jacob nods and I turn just as the last light of day disappears in the mountains, and the faint glow starts again.
***
It's all my fault. When the orb-shaped light left the device, I took a step forward, and Sam caught the orb when she shoved me out of the way of it. If I hadn't moved, it might have just left all of us alone.
Jack keeps telling me that's ridiculous, because no one can keep perfectly still, and one of us would've moved eventually and Sam would've reacted the same way regardless. But that doesn't help me when I wake up in the middle of the night, having had the same dream.
I always step into a dark room, and Sam is there, as she was before, short hair and SGC field uniform on. In the center of the room there is a glowing pillar of light, and a small orb shoots out, straight towards me. I don't have time to react before Sam leaps at me, shoving me out of the way and catching the orb herself before slamming into the wall. Then pillar of light goes dark and Sam starts to glow.
I usually wake up in a cold sweat, on the floor at this point. Janet, and Hammond have both told me that if the dreams change I should tell them, because it might be a clue. I don't think there's much hope left, but I'm just as stubborn as Jack and I won't admit there's no hope for Sam.
The four of us have been through too much to have any of us quit now, to quote Jack, and I believe him. I believe in him. I have to, or I might just fall apart.
I step on the elevator and run straight into Janet on her way somewhere. She looks like she's just come off of some forced down time herself. "Hi Janet."
"Jonas, nice to see you again," she says in a good facsimile of her usual cheeriness. I can see how strained her smile is, though, and know that she's on the edge of it all.
"I was going to get some coffee… want to join me?"
She nods. "I'm not quite ready to start rounds again anyway."
***
Seated at her bedside, the blanket Jack left with me looks more and more enticing every minute. It's also slightly disturbing to look at my little girl when she glows like that. No one told me how she was, other than that she still hadn't woken up but was physically fine. Personally, glowing doesn't constitute 'physically fine' in my book, but then I've got a slightly altered idea of the condition my little girl ought to be in.
Outside, I notice absently, a light snowfall starts. Jack must be crazy to want to go fishing this time of year.
Not crazy, just distraught, just like you. Selmac adds.
I have to agree with him, and perhaps it will do Jack some good to get away and not think about the Stargate and Sam for a while.
He's quite taken with her, you know.
Yes, I am aware how Jack and Sam feel about each other, it just always seems to be the wrong time for the two of them. I pull the blanket around me and settle a little more comfortably in the chair, prepared to spend the night right here.
I can worry about the rest more tomorrow.
***
I open my eyes, and the light stings them a little. My father is slumbering quietly in the chair next to my bed, and the door has just closed behind Jack as he comes in. What's going on?
I open my mouth and sit up a little, slowly, figuring I must be pretty badly off if the two of them are both here and I can't remember what's going on. Immediately, Jack seems to spring to the bedside, and he hollers at dad to wake up.
"Sam? Are you ok? How do you feel?"
I try to speak, but my throat is very dry and it hurts to try.
"Jack, calm down and lay off… she's had a tube down her throat for six months. Call the nurse, and I'll get her some water."
***
It's lunchtime on base when the news comes, Janet, Teal'c, and I were all gathered to talk about plans for Christmas and the winter. The first real snowfall had been the night before, so it made all of us think about what to do about the holidays, with someone we care about in the hospital.
Or at least it made Janet think things like that.
"Will Doctor Janet Cline, Jonas Quinn, and Teal'c please report to the briefing room on level thirty-two, I repeat, will Doctor Cline, Jonas Quinn, and Teal'c please report to the briefing room on level thirty-two."
We left our lunches sitting on the table and moved faster than I'm sure any of us had in months to the briefing room. Hammond stood there, with a pleased smile on his face, and made the announcement to us personally.
Janet was so glad she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. Teal'c let out a relieved smile of his own, one I hadn't seen since his own son had thrown off Apothis's programming and come back to the truth. Janet then went off to call the hospital, and Cassandra. I smiled widely and asked what had happened.
"No one is exactly sure right now, but this morning Major Carter woke up to say hello to her father and Colonel O'Neill." I withheld my private comment that it was fairly obvious that he would be there when she woke up, being the one to spend the most time in the hospital, and the hardest hit by her condition, if I dared to make a guess at all.
***
I wanted to do a lot of things when she opened her eyes. Hug her, shout, laugh, cry, but I didn't. I just smiled and sat down, taking her hand and waiting for the nurse to come in to check her over. Jacob didn't seem too surprised at my actions, but then he rarely does.
"Looks like we won't be going fishing then, eh Jack?"
"Under the circumstances, I'd have to say no, Jacob, we won't."
The nurse came in and helped Sam sit up properly, removing her air tube and getting her a glass of water to drink slowly before she even tried to talk. "What happened?"
"We were hoping you could tell us, sweetie," Jacob began, but I stopped him.
"How are you feeling?"
"Weak. Disoriented. About normal, sir."
And there it is, staring me in the face again. No matter how much I care about Sam, how much I love her, she's still my subordinate, and we're still in the SGC, and nothing can ever come of it.
"You're on your sickbed and you still call me that," the words slip out, just like the ones to Miss Jones yesterday. Jacob either ignores them or doesn't hear them, but Sam's blue eyes latch onto mine mercilessly.
A quiet cough from the doorway interrupts whatever she is about to say, and I glance over to see Miss Jones. "I'm afraid I'll have to ask you gentlemen to step outside. Major Carter has to have a few tests run and then she'll need to rest some more."
With a sigh, I nod, and glance at Jacob. He likewise nods, but thinks ahead to ask, "When can we come back?"
"Not before tomorrow, I'm afraid. There will be several tests that have to be run."
***
"All in all, sir, no one knows why Major Carter woke up, but she continues to glow after sunset until the sunrise, and even in artificial light she seems to emit a soft glow of light."
The woman in question sits quietly on a bed in the infirmary, waiting for the go or no-go status for SG-1's next mission. "And the device?"
"Completely inactive since it's first production of that orb that Doctor Jackson witnessed hit the Major."
Hammond ponders, and Janet bites her lip.
"So she glows? So what," I pipe up from the corner. "Everyone on this team has their own special quirks. What's one more?"
"Colonel O'Neill, I don't want Major Carter back in the field until we can be assured of her health and the safety of her own person and the entire of SG-1."
"I understand that General, but she did pass the physical inspection. If you're still not convinced, why not send her through a PT test. But keeping her grounded with no reason behind it is unfair, and hinders all of her team." It's been three weeks, and she seems to have made a full recovery. She's still a little thin, a little tired, but otherwise, we should all be getting ready for our next assignment.
"Permission to have her take the PT test as a requirement for SG-1 going active again accepted, Colonel. She has one week to prepare."
"Thank you, sir," I salute.
He leaves the room and Janet shoots a querulous glance at me. I shrug and head down into the infirmary.
"So, what's the good word, sir?"
"Well, other than that you're still a glowing example of an airman, Carter, not much."
She laughs a little, and smiles, "Does this mean I'm back on SG-1?"
"Pending a PT test, we're all gearing up for our next mission."
"PT test, sir?"
"Well Hammond wants to be sure that you're up to it, and the glowing thing isn't some indicator of…"
"Altered physical status or characteristics?" she finishes for me and I shrug, spreading my hands. "I understand. When is the test?"
"It's not today, for sure. You've got a week to prepare, Carter. Until then, the rest of us are on vacation. Unless you'd like some help for any reason."
"Thanks, but I think I can manage, sir."
***
The dreams have changed, and I told Janet and Hammond about them. Now Sam starts glowing and the pillar seems to surround her as she gets off the floor, or what I believe is the floor. I haven't said a word about them to Sam, but she seems to understand that something is bothering me, regardless of what I say.
Janet says that the idea of Sam getting off the floor at all means that the dreams probably are chronicling the events that have happened, rather than predicting what will happen in the future. I'm not quite sure if I believe that or not.
The PT test is tomorrow, and Jack, Teal'c and I have all agreed that we're not going. It's not true, I know we'll all be there to watch, but at least we've all lied together and will break the false promise together.
***
Wiping the sweat from my brow, I head towards the showers. It was nice that the guys all came to give me a little support, but nerve wracking just the same. If I hadn't passed… I refuse to think about it. The shower water is warm and soothing, and I relax. Everyone caring so much is almost more of a burden than a blessing.
There's a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" I call, stepping back out of the shower and grabbing a towel. I guess I never realized how tired I was. The fluorescent lighting hurts my eyes as I step out into the locker room.
There is no response, but through the glass of the doorway, I see a figure. "The locker room is designated as women's at the moment… whoever's there…" Fear grips me, irrational. "Please announce yourself." Normally I can conquer such emotions easily… I've been trained to but.
The figure simply stands there, and if they are speaking, I do not hear a word of it.
The lights in the room go out, but I can still see as clearly as day.
I'm glowing… again.
The sun must've gone down outside.
But where are the lights?
The area around me gets brighter, and though I know I am glowing, it does not hurt my eyes. The figure outside the door seems the only thing I can look at, because the brightness in the rest of the room, reflecting, hurts and agitates my eyes.
And then, suddenly, there is a flash of light, and blessed, soothing darkness.
***
The alarms started going off while we were waiting for Carter to get out of the showers. She told us to wait in the mess hall and that she would join us there, but something interrupted that. Jack didn't listen, of course, he said he'd meet us there when she showed up.
I had half a mind to say something about how wrong it was for him to be waiting for her outside the locker rooms, but I didn't. The look on his face suggested caution would be the better part of valor in this circumstance.
Wordlessly, we all moved in a group towards the gate room, thinking that we'd find out the most from there, but we barely made it halfway there before Janet pushed past us in the hallway. "Janet, what's going on?" I call out.
"It's Sam," she calls over her shoulder, and after a moment of stunned silence, the two of us take off after her.
"What's happened?" I say as we catch up with her, and follow her to the locker room on level 20. We're obviously the first people to respond to the alert.
The door is open, and from what I can make out, the lighting fixtures ripped out of the ceiling… the wiring is open and fried. Sam is on the floor, unconscious, and untouched. The towel she wrapped herself in is a little disheveled, and as Janet kneels to check her over, I find myself averting my gaze.
"The power warning went off first, there was an overload in the sector…" Janet checks her pulse. Sam is glowing brightly again, in that disturbing manner that she has when the sun goes down… and it's about that time. "…the medical alert was raised shortly after that… but I don't know who called it in."
I look around.
Jack obviously wasn't the one.
He arrives with the stretcher, looking breathless and pale. He obviously heard from someone along the way. He glances at Sam's body, Janet's expression, and I see something in his normally formal expression crack. No hiding it anymore.
"Let's get her on the… Colonel!" Janet snaps as he scoops her up easily and lays her on the stretcher. "Leave tending the Major to the trained-"
"Bark at me later, doc," he says in an uncaring and broken voice, "help her."
And that stops all the talking between them, though Janet takes a good moment to glare at him, much like an unhappy cat that has just gotten wet. Jack steps back to stand next to Teal'c, who puts a hand on his shoulder, and the professionals do their job.
***
"I don't know what to say, General," Janet says in a confidential meeting with Hammond much later, from the observation level of the infirmary.
"What do you mean, Doctor?"
"Physically, Major Carter is in top condition, given the circumstances. You saw as well as I did the reports on her PT test… she's fit to go back out into the field…"
"But."
"But given the circumstances, I'm afraid I just can't sign off on sending her back into the field," Janet stares hard at the image through the glass. The rest of SG-1 is in the room, the three men watching over her like protective wolves, sentinels…
"I see," is all Hammond responds with. "Then we'll simply have to have someone reassigned."
"Colonel O'Neill will never agree to that, General…" Janet begins.
"The Colonel, given the circumstances, will have no choice, Doctor. I'm considering having the entire unit taken off active duty until the problem is resolved, one way or another."
"Are you sure that's wise, sir?"
"I don't know what else to do," Hammond says quietly.
"I may be of some assistance," a new voice says from behind the two of them.
"Daniel!" Janet says, turning in a startled manner.
***
Teal'c and Jonas have retreated from the room. Janet assured me that she's in no pain, but I just don't know how I can accept that. If she weren't in any pain, she'd wake up, right? She'd say hello and get out of that bed…
And she wouldn't be glowing like that.
"You're going to have to let it run it's course, Jack."
"You're not helping, Daniel," I reply, running my hands through my regulation short hair. "Why'd you show up?" He doesn't respond. I stand from the seat I had taken when the others left. "No. Don't you do this to me Daniel, not now. Don't you come here to tell me that she's gone… she's not going to ascend like you did!"
"Calm down Jack. Every time I show up it doesn't mean that someone's going to die…" he pauses, as though considering that, "although I can understand why you might say something along those lines, since it's what seems to happen… but I didn't come for that purpose, this time."
"Yeah, well then what did you come for, Daniel?" I glance up at the observation level before taking her hand. It's empty. It's safe.
"I'm here to help, Jack."
"I don't know that I want your help, Daniel," I reply, glancing down at her. It's hard to look at her when she's glowing like that.
"Well you should, Jack… I think I can save her."