- Fowl Manor, Ireland -
Mrs. Fowl smiled at Kip as she served her a whole stack of pancakes. "How do you like your room? Is it big enough?"
Kip laughed. "I think it's fine, Mrs. Fowl. My whole apartment isn't that big."
"She's right, you know," Artemis said, passing Kip the maple syrup. "Those things are tiny."
"And cheap," Kip agreed, taking a bite. "Mmm, this is good! I've had nothing but TV dinners and my own cooking for ages."
"And McDonald's," Artemis reminded her.
"Like that compares to this."
Just then Butler walked in. "This was on the front step," he said, holding up an envelope with the name "Narda" scrawled on it in an untidy hand.
"Oh. Yes, thanks." Kip reached for it.
Angeline raised an eyebrow. "Narda?"
"Yeah. Tanardawen's my middle name, but I prefer Narda. Like I prefer Kip to Katherine, except more people call me that." She slit it open and smoothed the paper out on the table to read. Artemis leaned closer to look at it over her shoulder, ignoring the withering glance his mother shot him.
"What does it say?" It was written in the English alphabet, at least, but he could not understand it, not even with the translator. Maybe that only worked with sounds; he'd have to ask Foaly and maybe have the centaur come up with translating contacts or something.
Kip frowned. "'I remember I was supposed to meet you last night, but you know me, always late. The sunset was sure pretty, though. Hey, remember that movie you showed me? I can't believe I actually thought she said she fell off the ladder in Yorkshire. Like that made any sense. Well, have to run.'"
Angeline laughed. "That's it? That's what your contact sent you? It's a bunch of rubbish?"
Kip looked at Artemis. "We need to talk."
"What, something I can't know?" His mother was only half joking.
"Come on." Artemis took her hand and led Kip outside to the back garden. "You know what it means."
"I think so. Mulch will meet us tonight at sunset; I think that's the first part, about being late and it being pretty."
"And the part about the movie? He doesn't even tell us where."
"But he does." Kip rolled her eyes. "Look, the day we met, I think it was Butler who said he didn't see me there, and I said his aim would prove otherwise. I was quoting this movie, 'Ever After.'"
"I've never seen it. And obviously I don't remember."
She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, it's my favorite movie, and I've watched it with Mulch over at least half a dozen times. There's this scene where someone asks Danielle where she was, and Mulch thought she said she fell off the ladder in Yorkshire, which makes no sense since the movie takes place in France."
Artemis rubbed his forehead. "You know, you're really making me feel stupid."
"Then maybe you should get out more! What she really said was that she fell off the ladder in the orchard. So, where's the nearest orchard?"
"That way, a mile or so." Artemis pointed west.
"So then we should be there at sunset."
"It's a big orchard."
Kip shrugged. "He'll find us."
Artemis shook his head in amazement. "For some reason I can't picture Mulch coming up with such a complicated way of telling us this."
"Why, are fairies usually a bit stupid?" She tucked the letter in her pocket.
"Just your father. But I'm glad he was." Artemis caught her around the waist. "Very glad."
Kip laughed. "Artemis?"
"Hmm?"
"Just shut up and kiss me."
So he did. After all, she gave him no choice.
* * *
* * *
An explanation might be needed at this moment. Say, a bit of what happened since Artemis Fowl the First returned from Russia. At that time Artemis fowl the Second was most definitely a criminal, a thirteen-year-old whose mannerisms and vocabulary made other people look twice to be sure he wasn't just a short middle-aged man. Now, however, this hard-hearted criminal is hopelessly in love with Kip. What's the deal?
Part of that change deals with were we left him last: back at a boarding school waiting for the news that his father had indeed been rescued. Two years under the "care" of the Mafia had done a bit to drive the criminal blood out of Artemis the First. In the beginning, Arty scoffed and said his father had gone momentarily soft, but in time he would return to his old, Cola-smuggling ways.
However, there was no Cola in that man's future. He was content with the current Fowl fortune - not the billions it had once been, especially since he knew nothing of the fairy gold in his son's Swiss bank account - but it was enough for him. Our hero was then kept under watchful eyes at subsequent boarding schools, none of them quite up to his standards. This seems enough to drive any genius over the edge, at the very least to insanity, but there was another incident that needs to be factored in: the boy criminal was growing up. Soon he had obtained a stature to meet his vocabulary, but then the words didn't seem to matter so much any more.
You see, Artemis was bored. Going to the university and writing all the books he would be using the next year was not fun anymore, but he pushed himself to meet the deadlines, anyway. He would not admit to himself what was happening, but the sense of it was this: there was nothing left to keep him going, no magic to believe in and no bright future sparkling in gold and diamonds. Two run-ins with the LEP had answered his questions about magic and the exploitation options surrounding it.
But now there was something new in his life or rather, someone. It seemed as though he and Kip had known each other forever, and yet there were still mysteries surrounding her . . . Artemis did not even ponder to think about it, but, if he had, he would have realized that, not only was she his first girlfriend, she had never had a boyfriend before him, either.
It turns out Artemis the Second was not the first in the Fowl family to encounter the people of the Lower Elements. Lord Hugo de Fole, shortly after hiring Virgil butler to be his bodyguard, did some minor forgotten deed to aid a sprite. As a gift, the sprite told Lord Hugo that every singe one of his descendants would find true and enduring love - at first sight. It was a rather nice gift, thoughtfully worded, and it explained Artemis and Angeline as well as Artemis and Kip.
However, there were some residents of the Lower Elements who would be rooting out this ancient and taking away his wand before the adventure was over.
- Fowl Manor, Ireland -
Artemis was rather put out that Butler insisted on accompanying them that evening. As close as he was to his manservant, there were definitely times when the extra protection he offered would not be needed. After all, three was a crowd.
Kip gave him a playful shove, almost making him stumble as they trekked toward the orchard. "You look way too serious."
"I'm a serious sort of person." He brushed imaginary dust from his shirt.
"Yeah, but you look nicer when you smile." She tucked herself under his arm, slipping her own around his waist. "Better than when you scowl, anyway."
"I wasn't scowling."
"And the moon's made of green cheese," she agreed happily.
Artemis just shook his head, partially from her statement and partially because she was so openly showing how she felt about him. Kip certainly did not seem to care that Butler was right behind them as they crossed the open field, though, to Artemis, his presence was quite noticeable.
"How will we find Mulch?" Butler asked as they reached the orchard.
"Vibrations in the soil. He'll find us." Kip shielded her eyes; the sun was just setting. "Except he may be a bit; doesn't like going out in the sunlight, if he can help it."
Butler nodded. "There will be no moon tonight."
"Not much fairy traffic, then," Artemis observed.
Kip was about to say something when she felt him stiffen in pain. Butler was immediately at his master's other side to take his weight as he lost consciousness and lower him gently to the grass. "His pulse is racing," the giant man muttered, a look of concern on his face as he loosened Artemis' collar.
Kip put a shaky hand to his forehead. "He's freezing. Ow!" She had brushed his hair away from his face, fingertips grazing the translator and causing it to emit orange sparks. The shock went all the way up her arm, making her give it a shake to try and restore proper feeling. "It's that. It has to be."
"Damn Foaly," Butler said none too softly. "What the hell is he doing?" He turned Artemis' head to get a better look at the black crescent, but he had no idea how it had been affixed. "I don't dare try and take it off."
Kip sucked in a deep breath. "We have to."
"What? How do you know?"
"Just - a feeling." She wiped her palms on her pants. "Would you - give me some room? I'm not exactly sure . . ."
Butler anxiously backed up a few meters. Kip was ready for the shock this time and blue lightning raced down her arm to meet it, the healing power stretching out to include Artemis, as well. After a tense minute the translator came loose into her hand and Butler began to breathe again, but still too soon. It caught them completely off guard as it exploded in her hand.
- Place Unknown -
"Well?"
"Well what?"
An exasperated sigh. "Did it work? Did we get rid of the stupid Mud Boy?"
"It exploded, Captain, just like you asked."
"But we were getting some strange readings before - "
"Shut up, Mo! He wasn't asking you.
Mo sulked. "Well, excuse me!"
A righteous smirk. "Like I said, Cap', exploded. Those stupid fairies embed their translators through the skull and right into the brain. Even if they tried getting it out, he'd never survive."
The captain smiled, satisfied. "Good. On with the plan." And they all got back to work.
Mrs. Fowl smiled at Kip as she served her a whole stack of pancakes. "How do you like your room? Is it big enough?"
Kip laughed. "I think it's fine, Mrs. Fowl. My whole apartment isn't that big."
"She's right, you know," Artemis said, passing Kip the maple syrup. "Those things are tiny."
"And cheap," Kip agreed, taking a bite. "Mmm, this is good! I've had nothing but TV dinners and my own cooking for ages."
"And McDonald's," Artemis reminded her.
"Like that compares to this."
Just then Butler walked in. "This was on the front step," he said, holding up an envelope with the name "Narda" scrawled on it in an untidy hand.
"Oh. Yes, thanks." Kip reached for it.
Angeline raised an eyebrow. "Narda?"
"Yeah. Tanardawen's my middle name, but I prefer Narda. Like I prefer Kip to Katherine, except more people call me that." She slit it open and smoothed the paper out on the table to read. Artemis leaned closer to look at it over her shoulder, ignoring the withering glance his mother shot him.
"What does it say?" It was written in the English alphabet, at least, but he could not understand it, not even with the translator. Maybe that only worked with sounds; he'd have to ask Foaly and maybe have the centaur come up with translating contacts or something.
Kip frowned. "'I remember I was supposed to meet you last night, but you know me, always late. The sunset was sure pretty, though. Hey, remember that movie you showed me? I can't believe I actually thought she said she fell off the ladder in Yorkshire. Like that made any sense. Well, have to run.'"
Angeline laughed. "That's it? That's what your contact sent you? It's a bunch of rubbish?"
Kip looked at Artemis. "We need to talk."
"What, something I can't know?" His mother was only half joking.
"Come on." Artemis took her hand and led Kip outside to the back garden. "You know what it means."
"I think so. Mulch will meet us tonight at sunset; I think that's the first part, about being late and it being pretty."
"And the part about the movie? He doesn't even tell us where."
"But he does." Kip rolled her eyes. "Look, the day we met, I think it was Butler who said he didn't see me there, and I said his aim would prove otherwise. I was quoting this movie, 'Ever After.'"
"I've never seen it. And obviously I don't remember."
She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, it's my favorite movie, and I've watched it with Mulch over at least half a dozen times. There's this scene where someone asks Danielle where she was, and Mulch thought she said she fell off the ladder in Yorkshire, which makes no sense since the movie takes place in France."
Artemis rubbed his forehead. "You know, you're really making me feel stupid."
"Then maybe you should get out more! What she really said was that she fell off the ladder in the orchard. So, where's the nearest orchard?"
"That way, a mile or so." Artemis pointed west.
"So then we should be there at sunset."
"It's a big orchard."
Kip shrugged. "He'll find us."
Artemis shook his head in amazement. "For some reason I can't picture Mulch coming up with such a complicated way of telling us this."
"Why, are fairies usually a bit stupid?" She tucked the letter in her pocket.
"Just your father. But I'm glad he was." Artemis caught her around the waist. "Very glad."
Kip laughed. "Artemis?"
"Hmm?"
"Just shut up and kiss me."
So he did. After all, she gave him no choice.
* * *
* * *
An explanation might be needed at this moment. Say, a bit of what happened since Artemis Fowl the First returned from Russia. At that time Artemis fowl the Second was most definitely a criminal, a thirteen-year-old whose mannerisms and vocabulary made other people look twice to be sure he wasn't just a short middle-aged man. Now, however, this hard-hearted criminal is hopelessly in love with Kip. What's the deal?
Part of that change deals with were we left him last: back at a boarding school waiting for the news that his father had indeed been rescued. Two years under the "care" of the Mafia had done a bit to drive the criminal blood out of Artemis the First. In the beginning, Arty scoffed and said his father had gone momentarily soft, but in time he would return to his old, Cola-smuggling ways.
However, there was no Cola in that man's future. He was content with the current Fowl fortune - not the billions it had once been, especially since he knew nothing of the fairy gold in his son's Swiss bank account - but it was enough for him. Our hero was then kept under watchful eyes at subsequent boarding schools, none of them quite up to his standards. This seems enough to drive any genius over the edge, at the very least to insanity, but there was another incident that needs to be factored in: the boy criminal was growing up. Soon he had obtained a stature to meet his vocabulary, but then the words didn't seem to matter so much any more.
You see, Artemis was bored. Going to the university and writing all the books he would be using the next year was not fun anymore, but he pushed himself to meet the deadlines, anyway. He would not admit to himself what was happening, but the sense of it was this: there was nothing left to keep him going, no magic to believe in and no bright future sparkling in gold and diamonds. Two run-ins with the LEP had answered his questions about magic and the exploitation options surrounding it.
But now there was something new in his life or rather, someone. It seemed as though he and Kip had known each other forever, and yet there were still mysteries surrounding her . . . Artemis did not even ponder to think about it, but, if he had, he would have realized that, not only was she his first girlfriend, she had never had a boyfriend before him, either.
It turns out Artemis the Second was not the first in the Fowl family to encounter the people of the Lower Elements. Lord Hugo de Fole, shortly after hiring Virgil butler to be his bodyguard, did some minor forgotten deed to aid a sprite. As a gift, the sprite told Lord Hugo that every singe one of his descendants would find true and enduring love - at first sight. It was a rather nice gift, thoughtfully worded, and it explained Artemis and Angeline as well as Artemis and Kip.
However, there were some residents of the Lower Elements who would be rooting out this ancient and taking away his wand before the adventure was over.
- Fowl Manor, Ireland -
Artemis was rather put out that Butler insisted on accompanying them that evening. As close as he was to his manservant, there were definitely times when the extra protection he offered would not be needed. After all, three was a crowd.
Kip gave him a playful shove, almost making him stumble as they trekked toward the orchard. "You look way too serious."
"I'm a serious sort of person." He brushed imaginary dust from his shirt.
"Yeah, but you look nicer when you smile." She tucked herself under his arm, slipping her own around his waist. "Better than when you scowl, anyway."
"I wasn't scowling."
"And the moon's made of green cheese," she agreed happily.
Artemis just shook his head, partially from her statement and partially because she was so openly showing how she felt about him. Kip certainly did not seem to care that Butler was right behind them as they crossed the open field, though, to Artemis, his presence was quite noticeable.
"How will we find Mulch?" Butler asked as they reached the orchard.
"Vibrations in the soil. He'll find us." Kip shielded her eyes; the sun was just setting. "Except he may be a bit; doesn't like going out in the sunlight, if he can help it."
Butler nodded. "There will be no moon tonight."
"Not much fairy traffic, then," Artemis observed.
Kip was about to say something when she felt him stiffen in pain. Butler was immediately at his master's other side to take his weight as he lost consciousness and lower him gently to the grass. "His pulse is racing," the giant man muttered, a look of concern on his face as he loosened Artemis' collar.
Kip put a shaky hand to his forehead. "He's freezing. Ow!" She had brushed his hair away from his face, fingertips grazing the translator and causing it to emit orange sparks. The shock went all the way up her arm, making her give it a shake to try and restore proper feeling. "It's that. It has to be."
"Damn Foaly," Butler said none too softly. "What the hell is he doing?" He turned Artemis' head to get a better look at the black crescent, but he had no idea how it had been affixed. "I don't dare try and take it off."
Kip sucked in a deep breath. "We have to."
"What? How do you know?"
"Just - a feeling." She wiped her palms on her pants. "Would you - give me some room? I'm not exactly sure . . ."
Butler anxiously backed up a few meters. Kip was ready for the shock this time and blue lightning raced down her arm to meet it, the healing power stretching out to include Artemis, as well. After a tense minute the translator came loose into her hand and Butler began to breathe again, but still too soon. It caught them completely off guard as it exploded in her hand.
- Place Unknown -
"Well?"
"Well what?"
An exasperated sigh. "Did it work? Did we get rid of the stupid Mud Boy?"
"It exploded, Captain, just like you asked."
"But we were getting some strange readings before - "
"Shut up, Mo! He wasn't asking you.
Mo sulked. "Well, excuse me!"
A righteous smirk. "Like I said, Cap', exploded. Those stupid fairies embed their translators through the skull and right into the brain. Even if they tried getting it out, he'd never survive."
The captain smiled, satisfied. "Good. On with the plan." And they all got back to work.