- Underground on the outskirts of Freiburg, Germany -
Jack thought he should be the leader because he was the oldest. Lou thought he should be the leader because he was Captain's brother. And Greg knew the honor would go to him eventually, so why argue now?
"It's a bad omen, I tell you," Lou said, slapping a hand on the table. "First the tunnel collapses, then the Mud Men manage to get as far as that . . . How'd they even find us?"
"It's Fowl; who cares how he found us?" Jack muttered. "I say we attack tomorrow night. The moon won't be full for another couple of days; the world'll be ours by then, hands down."
Greg smiled, flipping the switch on the control panel that allowed sound waves to pass through the two bubbles in the room. There'd been a bit of an error, as it was impossible to let the Council hear them without the other Most Important Prisoners, but what they hey. It was more fun hearing about the destruction of your planet and knowing you couldn't do anything about it. "We start with Europe," Greg said loudly. "And end with the penguins down south."
"Penguins?" Lou, if possible, was even dumber than Mo had been, and that was saying quite a bit.
"Antarctica, stupid."
"Oh. Right. Penguins." Lou grinned. "I like penguins. Can we keep 'em?"
"We're not after the animals, you idiot. We're after the Mud Men." Greg was having a hard time keeping his voice level, but it had to be planned out just right. The ion cannons had about half an hour before they put all the gremlins to sleep, and, when they woke up, there'd be a new head for all the dumb muscle to follow. Greg smiled to himself. This was all going perfectly.
* * *
"Penguins?" Artemis asked. "The dumb one cares about penguins?"
"Watch it," Foaly cautioned. "If we can hear them, odds are they can hear us." He was wrong, of course, but it was nice that he was looking out for the Mud Boy.
"Are penguins worse than lollipops?" Holly asked innocently. "Besides, I think the destruction of your race would be more of a problem than the fact that Lou likes penguins."
"That's a lot to blue rinse," Root muttered.
"True. But at least it'll be painless for the lot of them. Not that I could say that for the lot of us." Foaly shrugged. "Anyone have any good, juicy secrets to tell? Last confessions? Bad jokes?"
"What?"
"To pass the time." The centaur shrugged again. "Well, it was worth a shot. . . ."
* * *
"It's perfect," Mulch assured her. "Mud - er, Artemis doesn't suspect a thing."
"And the warlocks?" Kip smoothed out the wrinkles in her jumpsuit. It was a pale blue, specifically chosen to set of her eyes. She had pulled her hair back into a bun, strict, yet with a few braids to give the appearance that she was calm and had enough time to devote some to looking good. That's what part of this was, what part of this had been: an exercise in charm and using the Mesmer at all the right moments.
"They'll be pleasantly surprised to be meeting you at last." Mulch stopped. "Look, the entire counsel's in there, and as an escaped convict . . ."
"Then I suggest you hang back." Kip smiled coolly. "Or run out on m. Either one."
"Nah, just on Mud Boy." Mulch hesitated. "Narda . . . good luck."
There was an evil glint in her eye. "Thanks."
* * *
* * *
"Blue rinse," Greg said contentedly, leaning back in his chair. "That's what Captain was planning."
"Hey, how do you know?" Jack asked, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "He never told us. Said it was over our heads. Or something."
"Maybe over your head, you nitwit," Greg said, struggling to remain calm, "but I'm above you. Blue rinse. All of them."
"I dunno, Greg," Lou said slowly. "I dunno if it'll work. Captain was in charge -"
"And he's not here anymore, is he?" Greg was going to burst a blood vessel, he just knew it.
"But that doesn't make you in his place!" Jack argued. "We should vote."
"Right, vote. I vote for me." Greg folded his arms.
"And I vote for me," Jack said, imitating the motion.
"I'm with you fellas," Lou said complacently.
* * *
Kip might have laughed at any other time. Warlocks, reenacting Mud Man movies? Well, maybe reenacting wasn't exactly the right word, but the dialogue was reminiscent of "O Brother, Where Art Thou." Dumb one, leader one, and middle one. Not that she could label them and trust it completely, but it helped. Of course, it would also help if she'd actually dealt with any of the three of them before, but she was playing this by ear. Kip just hoped she wasn't tone deaf.
* * *
Foaly had gone pale. As pale as a centaur can go, anyway, and this was a light tan. "Blue rinse," he whispered.
"The sleeping powder's back at the Gasthof," Artemis mumbled.
"No, Mud Boy; you don't get it. An uncontrolled blue rinse, not contained by a time stop? No one knows how far it would go before death becomes slow and painful and then some things actually live. There wouldn't even be any penguins left." He frowned. "That Captain, that must not have been his plan."
"Or the real brains aren't here." Without a cigar, Root was making do with chewing on his lip. "We're missing something, I just know it."
"Well, unless you can tell us what we're missing, keep your bad news to yourself." Holly's voice was somewhat muffled, owing to the fact that she was on her stomach, her face somewhere in the pillow of her arms.
It was Chix who looked up first. "Uh, guys . . ."
"Not again," Root moaned, looking around for something safer than a Mud Man hand grenade to throw at the sprite.
"But I think the brains just arrived."
"Brains?" Holly sat up. And froze. Because, from what was going on, it certainly looked that way. "Artemis . . ."
He shook his head. "No. You're wrong. I -" And words failed him.
* * *
Kip raised an eyebrow as she came into the room. "Well, that wasn't at all what I had planned," she said, critically eyeing Artemis and Butler in the bubble. "Honestly, I need to talk to Captain about this."
Greg managed to shut his mouth. "Who - ahem. Who are you, and why are you here?"
"Hmm." She looked at him. "You'd be Greg now, wouldn't you?"
"Ah - yes."
"I'm Lou, and he's Jack," Lou volunteered before Greg could shush him.
"Then is Captain hiding around her someplace with Mo? Wait, don't answer that." She sighed.
"Captain's dead," Lou said just as helpfully.
"Lou!" Greg glared at him.
"Dead?" Kip laughed slightly. "Since when? I just recently spoke with him."
"Yesterday."
"Lou!" Greg clamped a hand over his mouth.
"Mmm, that puts a damper in things." Kip took a seat in a chair, propping her feet on another. "Then you've no idea who I am, what I'm doing here . . . does professional jealousy run so deep?"
Hand still firmly I place, Greg cleared his throat. "Ah - no. So: what are you doing here?"
She smirked. "You thought Captain was the one with all the plans and the know-how? Well, you're wrong. I'm the one behind him. I'm the one in charge of taking over the world and this" - she indicated the bubble - "was not a part of my plans."
Jack blinked. "A Mud Woman, take over the world?"
"'A Mud Woman, take over the world'?" Kip mocked. "Nope. I'm half-and-half, though mostly the better half."
"There were records on you," Greg said slowly. "A sprite . . . you're just a kid."
"A kid?" Kip laughed at that one. "Honestly - have you any idea - I killed her."
"Who?"
"The kid. The girl. The sprite's daughter. Well, at least the one you know about it." She wiped a tear from her eye and got down to business. "Look, the kid they were looking for - she's my half-sister, and yes, dead and gone. I couldn't have her messing with my work, for one thing, though she did prove useful in the long run. See, I'm actually pushing sixty -"
"You look good, for being half Mud Man." But Greg was still skeptical.
"- and in league with your centaur." She indicated Foaly. "But let me explain from the beginning: I was banished from the Lower Elements at a young enough age and stuck off on my own. Later I discovered my idiot father had gone and made the same mistake again, so I snuck back down and made sure my file was destroyed, reinstating hers. Then I went topside and, with a bit of help from the Mesmer, took her place, easy as that. Then all I had to do was wait for Fowl to show up.
"You see, your people had given me an idea: creating a new race that looked like Mud Men and had all the capabilities, but none of the natural characteristics. Foaly and I teamed up on that one, except we had two different ideas of what this superior race would be. He wanted the muscle, I wanted the brains, and we'd both done extensive research on your own creation, so our team shortly fell apart."
"You created one of the creatures our forefathers had not yet perfected?" Jack asked, incredulous.
"Two. I did one; Foaly did the other."
"So where are they now?" Greg asked stubbornly.
Raising a slim hand, Kip pointed directly at Artemis. "Mine." And Butler. "Foaly's."
Jack thought he should be the leader because he was the oldest. Lou thought he should be the leader because he was Captain's brother. And Greg knew the honor would go to him eventually, so why argue now?
"It's a bad omen, I tell you," Lou said, slapping a hand on the table. "First the tunnel collapses, then the Mud Men manage to get as far as that . . . How'd they even find us?"
"It's Fowl; who cares how he found us?" Jack muttered. "I say we attack tomorrow night. The moon won't be full for another couple of days; the world'll be ours by then, hands down."
Greg smiled, flipping the switch on the control panel that allowed sound waves to pass through the two bubbles in the room. There'd been a bit of an error, as it was impossible to let the Council hear them without the other Most Important Prisoners, but what they hey. It was more fun hearing about the destruction of your planet and knowing you couldn't do anything about it. "We start with Europe," Greg said loudly. "And end with the penguins down south."
"Penguins?" Lou, if possible, was even dumber than Mo had been, and that was saying quite a bit.
"Antarctica, stupid."
"Oh. Right. Penguins." Lou grinned. "I like penguins. Can we keep 'em?"
"We're not after the animals, you idiot. We're after the Mud Men." Greg was having a hard time keeping his voice level, but it had to be planned out just right. The ion cannons had about half an hour before they put all the gremlins to sleep, and, when they woke up, there'd be a new head for all the dumb muscle to follow. Greg smiled to himself. This was all going perfectly.
* * *
"Penguins?" Artemis asked. "The dumb one cares about penguins?"
"Watch it," Foaly cautioned. "If we can hear them, odds are they can hear us." He was wrong, of course, but it was nice that he was looking out for the Mud Boy.
"Are penguins worse than lollipops?" Holly asked innocently. "Besides, I think the destruction of your race would be more of a problem than the fact that Lou likes penguins."
"That's a lot to blue rinse," Root muttered.
"True. But at least it'll be painless for the lot of them. Not that I could say that for the lot of us." Foaly shrugged. "Anyone have any good, juicy secrets to tell? Last confessions? Bad jokes?"
"What?"
"To pass the time." The centaur shrugged again. "Well, it was worth a shot. . . ."
* * *
"It's perfect," Mulch assured her. "Mud - er, Artemis doesn't suspect a thing."
"And the warlocks?" Kip smoothed out the wrinkles in her jumpsuit. It was a pale blue, specifically chosen to set of her eyes. She had pulled her hair back into a bun, strict, yet with a few braids to give the appearance that she was calm and had enough time to devote some to looking good. That's what part of this was, what part of this had been: an exercise in charm and using the Mesmer at all the right moments.
"They'll be pleasantly surprised to be meeting you at last." Mulch stopped. "Look, the entire counsel's in there, and as an escaped convict . . ."
"Then I suggest you hang back." Kip smiled coolly. "Or run out on m. Either one."
"Nah, just on Mud Boy." Mulch hesitated. "Narda . . . good luck."
There was an evil glint in her eye. "Thanks."
* * *
* * *
"Blue rinse," Greg said contentedly, leaning back in his chair. "That's what Captain was planning."
"Hey, how do you know?" Jack asked, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "He never told us. Said it was over our heads. Or something."
"Maybe over your head, you nitwit," Greg said, struggling to remain calm, "but I'm above you. Blue rinse. All of them."
"I dunno, Greg," Lou said slowly. "I dunno if it'll work. Captain was in charge -"
"And he's not here anymore, is he?" Greg was going to burst a blood vessel, he just knew it.
"But that doesn't make you in his place!" Jack argued. "We should vote."
"Right, vote. I vote for me." Greg folded his arms.
"And I vote for me," Jack said, imitating the motion.
"I'm with you fellas," Lou said complacently.
* * *
Kip might have laughed at any other time. Warlocks, reenacting Mud Man movies? Well, maybe reenacting wasn't exactly the right word, but the dialogue was reminiscent of "O Brother, Where Art Thou." Dumb one, leader one, and middle one. Not that she could label them and trust it completely, but it helped. Of course, it would also help if she'd actually dealt with any of the three of them before, but she was playing this by ear. Kip just hoped she wasn't tone deaf.
* * *
Foaly had gone pale. As pale as a centaur can go, anyway, and this was a light tan. "Blue rinse," he whispered.
"The sleeping powder's back at the Gasthof," Artemis mumbled.
"No, Mud Boy; you don't get it. An uncontrolled blue rinse, not contained by a time stop? No one knows how far it would go before death becomes slow and painful and then some things actually live. There wouldn't even be any penguins left." He frowned. "That Captain, that must not have been his plan."
"Or the real brains aren't here." Without a cigar, Root was making do with chewing on his lip. "We're missing something, I just know it."
"Well, unless you can tell us what we're missing, keep your bad news to yourself." Holly's voice was somewhat muffled, owing to the fact that she was on her stomach, her face somewhere in the pillow of her arms.
It was Chix who looked up first. "Uh, guys . . ."
"Not again," Root moaned, looking around for something safer than a Mud Man hand grenade to throw at the sprite.
"But I think the brains just arrived."
"Brains?" Holly sat up. And froze. Because, from what was going on, it certainly looked that way. "Artemis . . ."
He shook his head. "No. You're wrong. I -" And words failed him.
* * *
Kip raised an eyebrow as she came into the room. "Well, that wasn't at all what I had planned," she said, critically eyeing Artemis and Butler in the bubble. "Honestly, I need to talk to Captain about this."
Greg managed to shut his mouth. "Who - ahem. Who are you, and why are you here?"
"Hmm." She looked at him. "You'd be Greg now, wouldn't you?"
"Ah - yes."
"I'm Lou, and he's Jack," Lou volunteered before Greg could shush him.
"Then is Captain hiding around her someplace with Mo? Wait, don't answer that." She sighed.
"Captain's dead," Lou said just as helpfully.
"Lou!" Greg glared at him.
"Dead?" Kip laughed slightly. "Since when? I just recently spoke with him."
"Yesterday."
"Lou!" Greg clamped a hand over his mouth.
"Mmm, that puts a damper in things." Kip took a seat in a chair, propping her feet on another. "Then you've no idea who I am, what I'm doing here . . . does professional jealousy run so deep?"
Hand still firmly I place, Greg cleared his throat. "Ah - no. So: what are you doing here?"
She smirked. "You thought Captain was the one with all the plans and the know-how? Well, you're wrong. I'm the one behind him. I'm the one in charge of taking over the world and this" - she indicated the bubble - "was not a part of my plans."
Jack blinked. "A Mud Woman, take over the world?"
"'A Mud Woman, take over the world'?" Kip mocked. "Nope. I'm half-and-half, though mostly the better half."
"There were records on you," Greg said slowly. "A sprite . . . you're just a kid."
"A kid?" Kip laughed at that one. "Honestly - have you any idea - I killed her."
"Who?"
"The kid. The girl. The sprite's daughter. Well, at least the one you know about it." She wiped a tear from her eye and got down to business. "Look, the kid they were looking for - she's my half-sister, and yes, dead and gone. I couldn't have her messing with my work, for one thing, though she did prove useful in the long run. See, I'm actually pushing sixty -"
"You look good, for being half Mud Man." But Greg was still skeptical.
"- and in league with your centaur." She indicated Foaly. "But let me explain from the beginning: I was banished from the Lower Elements at a young enough age and stuck off on my own. Later I discovered my idiot father had gone and made the same mistake again, so I snuck back down and made sure my file was destroyed, reinstating hers. Then I went topside and, with a bit of help from the Mesmer, took her place, easy as that. Then all I had to do was wait for Fowl to show up.
"You see, your people had given me an idea: creating a new race that looked like Mud Men and had all the capabilities, but none of the natural characteristics. Foaly and I teamed up on that one, except we had two different ideas of what this superior race would be. He wanted the muscle, I wanted the brains, and we'd both done extensive research on your own creation, so our team shortly fell apart."
"You created one of the creatures our forefathers had not yet perfected?" Jack asked, incredulous.
"Two. I did one; Foaly did the other."
"So where are they now?" Greg asked stubbornly.
Raising a slim hand, Kip pointed directly at Artemis. "Mine." And Butler. "Foaly's."