Author's Notes: This is the eleventh chapter in my HP/BtVS crossover. The
series is called 'Over The Rainbow' and the chapter is entitled 'Where
Loyalties Lie'. The rating for this chapter is PG-13. As far as
'spoilers' go, this story takes place after Goblet of Fire and after Season
5 of BtVS. In my world they correspond at the same time. So, Anya isn't a
demon and is with Xander, Tara is alive, Spike is NOT souled, and Giles is
still around. The most visible change I'm making is that Willow is
bisexual rather than lesbian.which I always thought was a more fair
accounting anyway, seeing as she still had feelings for and attraction to
Oz when he came back after she met Tara. So she's not "switching sides"
she just bisexual.
For those who like to see the disclaimer, I'm not Joss and I'm no Rowling, so the world and characters unfortunately do not belong to me.
If you're interested in receiving a copy of this story with a header for posting on a website, email me at Jesca@comcast.net.
A few notes on the fic:
Special thanks to Eleyash who discovered that discrepancy for me in chapter six. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. Also a special thanks to Laura Martin whose feedback made me quite literally high with pleasure. It's always nice to get letters like that.thank you!
*~*~*
"Do you think this wise, Headmaster?" Severus asked from his half-sitting position as he leaned on an in table.
"The girl should know. If she was lead by Young Malfoy then she has some reason to feel trust for him. If this trust is misplaced, she should know. The next trap he leads her into may be the one that succeeds."
Snape nodded after a moment. "It's just." he trailed off.
"You can speak freely, Severus," Dumbledore said glancing to the only other person in the room, Willow Rosenberg. She tried to look supportive without looking so interested in him that he would clam up.
Snape visibly let himself be freer in his manner. The lines in his face were plainly due to sadness. The sight imprinted itself onto Willow's heart.
"I would be lying if I didn't say that part of the reason I fear this memory charm being reversed is the way Miss Summers will react to me from now on. You should have seen her face, Headmaster." Although he addressed Dumbledore, he seemed to almost be talking to himself. His voice was low and Willow had to lean forward ever so much to strain to hear him. "She looked at me as if I had failed her. I am one of her professors. I am charged with protecting the students of this school and I was a failure to her. A willing failure. A betrayer." He paused before continuing. "I am a betrayer. I can handle that. But.I just wish it would have been easier for her to find reason to doubt that I was truly the evil thing she took me for last night."
Willow's eyes were misted over. She had never heard Severus Snape speak from his heart like this. She never would have guessed that he even cared about any of the students outside his house, much less how deeply he cared.
"It is part of the process, dear Severus. Right now many do not trust you. You certainly have people on our side who distrust you and people on Voldemort's side who distrust you. You have turned away from your allies and your enemies are not quick to take you in." Snape nodded at that, his eyes cast to the ground. At this moment he didn't paint a picture of sadness but instead a pupil listening hard to his teacher. "But there is one person in this world who has absolute faith in you, Severus." Snape furrowed his brow in thought and then looked over to Dumbledore as if to ask the question. "I have faith in you."
Willow did the best she could to stay unnoticed. She felt like she wandered in on some private moment between the two men and she felt embarrassed to be listening in. She would have left them to their moment, if it weren't for the commotion it would cause.
"And, one day, I won't be alone in my faith."
*~*~*
Spike looked around the huge office as he entered alongside Giles. Dawn and Harry were here too. He could smell Red and Snape even before he saw them and he threw a smirk to Willow, who blushed a little and made a point not to look at him anymore. Spike smiled a little to himself and looked over at Snape, who was watching their exchange. He smiled wider and Snape scowled and looked away.
His eyes caught Dumbledore's and he was subdued. The man intrigued him. He remembered the conversation he had with the old mage when he came to insist on blood. His thoughts kept him distracted until Dumbledore spoke.
"As you can see, I have assembled all of you because I have something very important to talk to you all about." He looked over the faces of all the people and everyone was watching him pensively. "Dawn, what did you do last night?"
Dawn frowned. "I was studying, in the library."
"No. You were not."
Dawn's eyes widened. "But I was, I-"
"Let me explain, child," Dumbledore said softly. Dawn immediately stopped talking to listen to the explanation. "Before I start, I want to state what most of you have observed; the slayer is not present." Dawn nodded and looked to Giles who was listening avidly. "The reason for this is because she is to leave tomorrow and I do not want to worry her. If she were to hear the conversation at hand, she would likely decide to stay behind and the fate of Sunnydale could not bare the loss of the Slayer. It is important that all of us realize this and respect it." Dawn frowned deeply. A secret from Buffy? This couldn't be good.
"What is going on?" Giles asked softly.
"Last night Dawn was kidnapped." The room rippled with gasps and other surprised noises. None was more surprised than Dawn.
"But, Professor Dumbledore, if Dawn was kidnapped, how come she can't remember it?" Harry asked, frowning in thought. He didn't question the Headmaster's words, but he was curious nonetheless.
"Because she had a memory charm placed on her last night to keep her from remembering."
"But who kidnapped her?" Giles asked. "And why did they return her?"
Dawn shot a frown to Giles. He looked at her apologetically, realizing that his last question could be taken the wrong way.
"Lucius Malfoy," Snape said quietly. "He tried to perform a ritual on Dawn and it failed. So he returned her."
Giles looked to Dumbledore suspiciously. "How much notice did you have of this before it happened?"
"Yesterday morning," Dumbledore answered honestly.
"Why was I not informed?" Giles asked loudly.
"Because it was important to let them try so that they could be caught. Willow and I attempted to locate her, but they unexpectedly took her off of school grounds." Dumbledore looked at Dawn. "I will remove the memory charm so that you can know what happened to you. Anything you wish to talk about in private we shall. Anything else you are free to bring up afterwards."
Dawn nodded, not liking the sound of that. When Dumbledore gestured her to him, she stood and went around his desk towards him. She looked to the room from Dumbledore's side of the desk. Willow looked reassuring, Giles looked agitated, Harry looked thoughtful, Spike looked angry, and Snape tensed up. She didn't understand the significance of Snape's attitude, but she didn't pay much mind to it.
Dumbledore extracted his wand and touched it to the corner of her head. She closed her eyes as she felt a pulling in her mind. Suddenly she pictured her mind as a room. The room was lit by a single candle, which she held. All around her the light of the candle tossed soft light onto parts of her life. She could see memories as if they belonged to an interactive DVD menu. It was kind of strange. But she felt this pulling. Only it wasn't her being pulled. She saw the darkness surrounding her circle of light pull away slightly and she saw a flicker of a memory she hadn't seen before. The pull came again and the darkness pulled back a bit more. Her candle started to change and suddenly she was holding a lantern as the darkness was tugged back, revealing to her the memory of last night.
Dawn's eyes flew open and she stared at everyone in panic. Her eyes fell onto Snape. He was watching her impassively. She narrowed her eyes. No one missed the way she was staring at him.
"You-you were there!" she yelled at Snape. She turned to Dumbledore, "He's a traitor!"
"Now Dawnie," Willow began, trying to calm things before they got out of hand.
Spike came alive. "What the hell is this prat doing here if he's a traitor?"
"What is the meaning of this?" Giles asked Snape angrily.
No body noticed Harry until his wand was out and he was yelling his attack spell. Blue electricity hurled itself into Snape's chest, slamming him against the wall and onto the floor. Snape quickly got up, his wand out. He didn't have a chance to use it though as Harry exploded another spell towards him. This one Snape barely got out of the way of.
"ENOUGH!" Dumbledore's voice broke through the chaos. Harry was panting with anger, his wand still pointed at Snape, but he didn't fire another spell. Willow immediate went to Snape to see if he was ok, but he pushed her away, his attention on Harry alone. Spike growled but didn't move. Giles looked fit to be tied. Dawn was just watching the scene with trepidation.
"There will be no more spells slung in my office and you will remember, Mr. Potter, that attacking a professor is strictly forbidden."
"But he kidnapped Dawn, sir!"
"I did nothing of the sort," Snape said testily. Harry's wand instinctively rose a bit. "You stupid boy," Snape spat out. "We're on the same side!" he exclaimed.
"If we're on the same side, why don't you act like it and quit being such a git to everyone who is supposedly 'on your side'? If we're on the same side, why do you cavort with your Death Eater friends and kidnap the students?" Harry bit out. He seemed a little shocked to have said that to his professor, even if it was Professor Snape but given the circumstances, he was not taking it back.
Snape's eyes bore into Harry's. Hatred could be seen there, sharp and hot. It was if he was looking into the face of James Potter, instead of his son. He knew that they were on the same side, but that thought did nothing to cool the anger and the white-hot hatred that bubbled beneath his cool exterior.
"Severus was there as my spy," Dumbledore said softly. Although many people did not move at that statement, there was no doubt that they all heard him. Eventually Spike stood down and Giles calmed, but continued to watch the way the hatred was filling Snape's look.
"Severus," Snape heard Giles say. "If you must hate, hate the man who deserves it, and not his son." Giles knew about the torment that James Potter inflicted onto Severus during the early years of his schooling. It was something Snape didn't confide in many people about, but it was clear that it bothered him a great deal.
Snape's wild eyes met Giles' only for a second. They were soon boring into Potter's eyes again.
"After all, you ask that he place his trust in you. Could you not do the same for him?"
"I ask nothing!" Snape spat out, his eyes still on Harry.
"Don't you?"
Snape's chest heaved and then he quickly tore his eyes from Harry.
"Harry," Dumbledore said softly. "Put your wand away."
Harry swallowed back much of his anger and quietly he did as Professor Dumbledore instructed him to do.
"But, Professor Dumbledore," Dawn said, "he was there. He was helping them." She felt confused and she couldn't help but remember the hurt she felt at the betrayal of Draco. She was glad that Dumbledore hadn't brought the boy here or brought him up in front of Harry. She didn't want to have to explain.
"Yes, he was there, but he was not helping them, Dawn." Dumbledore sat back in his chair. Dawn thought she should probably move since she was standing right beside Dumbledore on his side of the desk, but doing so would have her passing by Snape, and she didn't want to go near him at the moment. "Severus Snape has been working for me for a long time now. He has earned my trust and my faith in him. But he is still known by the Death Eaters as one of them," he said, looking at Harry this time. "He is still parting with their secrets and to do so he will have to, on occasion, prove that he still deserves their trust." Dumbledore looked at Dawn. "It was Professor Snape that kept Lucius from taking you straight to Voldemort, was it not?"
Dawn frowned and looked at Professor Snape. For a moment all she could see was the vile way he had treated her since she got here and the nasty way he taunted her last night. But slowly she began to look past those things. She remembered that he was the one to protest her going to Voldemort, talking Lucius Malfoy out of his scheme to transport her to the evil fiend. A memory tugged at her mind and she remembered that his surprise when Lucius announced they'd be leaving the school. Dawn nodded, finally accepting the truth in Professor Dumbledore's words.
Snape seemed to relax a little bit at her nod. He seemed to want to say something to Dawn, but she couldn't imagine what that would be.
Snape looked out among the people in the room. He was grateful to Dumbledore for setting the record straight, and more than a little pleased that Dawn seemed to believe him. He saw that Giles was again calm and trusting while Spike just watched Dumbledore in silence. He avoided looking at Potter and his eyes fell instead to Willow. She was looking at him with a mixture of worry and hurt. He knew he pushed her away after Potter's attack. He wanted to apologize to her but now wasn't the time. He looked back to Dawn, wanting to tell her how sorry he was for the things he did last night, but he couldn't bring himself to.
"Now that we're calm, are there any other questions?"
"I have one," Harry said. "How did Lucius Malfoy get a hold of Dawn?"
Dawn swallowed. Instantly Draco came to mind, but she didn't want to say anything.
"Lucius Malfoy can be a very resourceful person," Snape answered. Dawn looked to him in surprise but she was grateful for his intervention.
"That he can be. And Voldemort's followers are many," Dumbledore followed up on the answer. "I trust this will not come to the Slayer's attention?" he asked looking out at everyone. They all individually agreed. "Good. Now, I'd like a moment to spend with Miss Summers, alone." They all nodded and one by one, they departed.
*~*~*
As soon as they were all in front of the large stone phoenix Harry took off to tell Ron and Hermione about what he learned. Giles went to find Buffy so that she would not be too suspicious about no one being around. Spike shot a meaningful look to Willow before he put an unlit cigarette in his mouth and made his way to where he could smoke.
"I really wish he would leave the fags in the pack until he got outside," Snape sighed. "It is bad enough that he smokes in the courtyard where all of the students are present."
Willow nodded. "Well, with Voldemort's followers about, lung cancer is probably the least of their problems." She started to walk off still a little hurt by the way her feelings had been shoved away.
"I'm sorry."
She stopped, mid-stride. She turned and her face showed astonishment.
"I did not mean to upset you. I was merely frustrated by the situation."
Willow couldn't help herself. Her face lit up with a dazzling smile that stunned Snape speechless. "Are you ok now?" she asked him, moving closer to him.
Snape swallowed a few times so that he could use his voice and even had to clear his voice. "Uh, yes, I'm fine. Really."
She smiled and nodded. Her hand reached out and touched the spot on his chest where Potter's first attack had hit him. Even through the layer of clothing, he felt her little hand burn through to his skin.
"I'm surprised you don't have a big hole in your robes." Her hand rubbed gently. "Does it hurt?"
Snape was immobilized. He wanted to move away from her, but he couldn't seem to do that. He just stared at the girl before him and shook his head slightly.
"I wonder if your skin is red in that place," she said, more thinking aloud. He pictured himself showing her, but the thought spurred him into action.
Promptly, Snape took a step back. "I am fine, Professor Rosenberg," he said softly.
"You really can call me Willow," she said, dropping her hand to her side.
He gave a nod and started to walk away. Willow fell into step beside him. "So what are you going to do now?"
"Get ready for school tomorrow."
"But it's Sunday. After the parents are gone you have the whole afternoon off."
He merely nodded.
"Well, what are you going to be working on?"
"Potions," he said as if she should know that.
"Well, yes, potions, but what one?"
"My seventh year students will be working on clairvoyance potions this week. I thought it prudent to prepare a finished potion and some at various stages to put on display."
Willow nodded and smiled. "Mind if I tag along? I don't know that potion."
He opened his mouth to tell her he wasn't surprised by her ignorance of the potion, but he decided against doing so. Having her there would distract him, he knew, but part of him didn't want to say goodbye just yet. "What about the slayer? I will likely be working through her departure."
The red-head nodded thoughtfully. "I'll go say goodbye and then come, ok?"
Snape finally nodded. "I won't be in my office, though. I will be in my work room."
"Where is that?"
"My living quarters. Not far from yours." He gave directions and she nodded and smiled.
"I'll see you there."
He couldn't explain the tightening of his chest when she said those words.
*~*~*
Dawn waited until everyone had vacated the office and the stone phoenix could no longer be heard. Her heart was beating quickly because she knew that Dumbledore would ask her about Draco and she wasn't sure she was prepared for questions about him yet. She wasn't even sure what she felt for him at this particular moment. How could he have betrayed her so completely? And why did she let him so effortlessly? She didn't have answers.
It was a moment before she realized that everyone had gone and Dumbledore was staring at her. She blushed a little and looked down at her hands.
"There is no reason to feel ashamed, Miss Summers. We have all trusted the wrong person at one time or another."
She nodded at his words, still not looking at him. Silence stretched on in the office until Dumbledore adjusting in his chair broke the emptiness.
"It will be up to you, you know, to determine whether or not he really is the wrong person."
She looked up at him sharply. "He led me into a trap," she said with some astonishment.
"Yes, he did. But consider for a moment his point of view."
"I don't care about his point of view," Dawn said, getting angry. "He led me into a trap where they were going to.well.change me."
"I think you do care about his point of view. I think you care about him too much not to want to know why."
Dawn's cheeks pinked again. She wanted to deny the truth of this statement, but she couldn't. She tried to form the words that would convince him that Draco Malfoy was nothing but a terrible Slytherin boy that she cared nothing about. She failed and finally she stopped trying.
"You must think I'm a terrible person," she said quietly.
"Why must I think that?"
"Isn't it obvious?" she asked. When he just shook his head she continued. "I'm with Harry but I care about Draco."
Dumbledore smiled and his eyes shown with kindness. "Dear child, have you ever had a boyfriend before Harry?"
Dawn frowned. This was very embarrassing to talk about with him, but she nodded. "Kind of."
"Well, believe me when I say that you will have more after him."
Again Dawn frowned. "Not necessarily. People have found their soul mate when they were in high school before. It happens."
"Ah yes, soul mate. Such a romantic notion. There have been quite a few more people who have died alone than those who have always lived with their 'soul mate'. And do you believe Mr. Potter is your soul mate?" he asked deliberately. Dawn just looked away. "Young Malfoy is a pawn, just like many of the children of Death Eaters are. They are taught certain values and those values are not consistent with the values of a tolerant or lawful people. When Death Eaters have children, they see them as a way to further their own involvement with Voldemort. They mold the child into believing that their way is the right way. Oftentimes this notion is reinforced with pain and punishment. They seek to harden the child until he or she no longer feels the tug of a conscience. So it is rarely their fault when they grow up to be like their parents. I don't judge Young Malfoy's personality or skewed sense of right or wrong because I know where he learned it. I do, however, believe that despite the upbringing one gets, he is always the master of his destiny." Dumbledore smiled. "Or her destiny as the case may be."
Dawn nodded thoughtfully to all of what Professor Dumbledore was saying. She felt he was trying to teach her something important and she strove to understand it.
"It may also be the case that a young man brought up in the house of a Death Eater may wish to break free for whatever reason. If he were to truly want this, he would feel a great deal of confusion. All of his upbringing will be called into question. All of what he once thought was right he would now have to critically analyze." Dumbledore paused. "How do you know what is right from wrong?"
The question made Dawn think hard. It was such a simple question but she had never really thought about the source of her knowledge of what was right or wrong. She knew that killing a human was wrong. She knew that stealing was wrong. She knew that kindness was right. But those were the basic things. She knew that the list of what was right and wrong was added to often. For instance, she knew that Voldemort and all he stood for was wrong, but she had never even met the evil wizard. It made her wonder, where did her sense of right and wrong come from? Were some people born with this innate knowledge while others were denied it? Or was it even an innate knowledge? How could it be?
"I learned it," she said, surprised by her own answer.
Dumbledore smiled and nodded. "From who?"
"My family and friends."
"Very good. Now imagine for a moment what you might believe is right or wrong if your father was Lucius Malfoy. Think hard," he urged.
She tried to think about the way Draco's values were structured, but it was difficult to believe that someone wouldn't know they were screwed up values. But then she instantly recognized that they seemed screwed up because they conflicted with her own values. She tried to think beyond her own values but time and time again she stumbled. She would get on a train of thought and the edge of her consciousness seemed to hold the answer, but again and again she would trip over her own sense of values. Finally she sighed in frustration.
"It is difficult."
"Yes, it is," he said as if she had made some great discovery. Dawn frowned in thought. She knew she was missing something. "And if it is so hard for you to think of his values as your own, how hard must it be for him to traverse his own values to reach yours?"
Realization crashed around her as her eyes widened. A floodgate of understanding seemed to be opened and she just sat there, thinking on that revelation.
"And yet, he still showed some hesitation at the ritual last night."
"There's hope for him."
Dumbledore chuckled. "He is far from hopeless yet, I dare say."
Dawn smiled but then a thought struck her and she looked worried. "Harry is going to ask me how Lucius Malfoy got a hold of me. I don't want to tell him that Draco lured me there. He wouldn't understand."
"Or maybe he would understand."
All she could do was nod.
*~*~*
Buffy shook her head in frustration. Somehow all of her clothes had fit in the suitcase before. She wasn't bringing anything new home with her but inexplicably the quantity of clothes that had fit in this exact suitcase no longer did. She sighed and started taking things out of the case when she heard a knock at the door.
"Come in," she said, distracted by her chore.
The door opened and closed near silently and Buffy looked over her shoulder to see Spike leaning against it.
"You should know by now, love, not to yell invites to people who knock on your door."
She gave a hint of a smile but turned back to her task. A moment passed in silence before Spike sat on her bed.
"I thought the point of packing was to put the clothes inside the suitcase."
She threw him a glare. "It doesn't all fit."
"Maybe if you didn't bring three weeks worth of clothes-"
"Hey, I can't help it if I have a sense of fashion. Maybe if I wore black on black on dark grey it would be easier to pack, but honestly, what person would want to look like-"
"Careful how you finish that sentence, love," Spike warned.
She was going to say 'Angel' but she decided against it. Instead she smiled sweetly at him and left him to wonder.
"So did you come here to fight, or what?" she asked, trying a different approach with her packing and putting the clothes in sideways.
"Just saying my so longs early."
She looked up at him. "So long."
He nodded and stood up. "Right. See you then, Slayer."
Buffy nodded as she negotiated her long black boots on the side of the suitcase and stuffed her socks and underthings inside them. It was a moment before she realized that Spike was still standing there. She looked up at him and noticed his expression was one of hurt.
"Just like that, huh? You won't even miss your pal, Spike, when you go back to Sunnyhell?"
"We were hardly pals, Spike."
"Yeah, I was just a convenience."
"Hardly. You were a pain in the ass, if you must know."
Normally, Spike would have grinned at that, but now it seemed to hit him hard, Buffy observed. What was his problem?
"Forget it," he muttered, heading towards the door. Before he could reach it, Buffy stood in his way. She didn't say anything, but she stood there as if she didn't yet want to let him go. He sighed. "What, Slayer? Want to get in a few parting shots?"
She looked him in the eye. "I don't understand you."
Spike snorted. "What's to understand? Blood-sucking fiend."
"Look, that's not what I meant. It's just-"
Spike cut her off by making a lightning fast grab for her and pressing her against him. He quickly stole a kiss from her while she was gasping in surprise. At first she started to fight to break the kiss, but not long after her tongue delved into his cold mouth and her hands were pressing him closer. Spike broke the kiss as sharply as he began it. He looked into her eyes.
"Tell me you don't feel it."
Buffy looked confused and moved back out of his grasp, pulling free. Spike didn't fight her.
"It's not going to happen, Spike."
"Why? Why couldn't it happen?"
"Because! What's the hard obstacle here? You're a vampire, and I'm the slayer."
"The Poof was a vampire too and you didn't seem to mind it then."
"He had a soul, Spike. You don't."
"And if I did?"
She frowned. "Look, Spike I have to get ready to go. The train leaves soon."
"Answer me," he said, his voice showing frustration.
"I don't know!" she near shouted. "All I do know is that you don't have a soul and the only thing stopping you from wreaking bloody havoc is that chip. Maybe Angel didn't want his soul when he first got it, but he was glad he had it afterwards. He saw the good in the thing that restrained him. I've never heard you say you were happy for your chip. Only that we'd all get what was coming to us if you ever got it out."
"Ok, first of all, Angel wasn't glad he had his soul until well after a hundred years of adjustment. It's only been a little over a year for me. I think I deserve somewhat of a break. Even perfect Angel tried going back to Darla and the killing while he had his soul," Spike said angrily. "And would you be glad if someone shoved an unnatural bit of metal in your brain that kept you from feeding?"
"It doesn't keep you from feeding," Buffy said quietly. She seemed somewhat subdued by the thought of Angel with a soul trying to rejoin Darla. "It just keeps you from hurting people."
"What if you had a chip that kept you from hurting vampires? It's your nature to kill vamps and it's my nature to feed off of humans."
Buffy looked down and started packing again, her movements slow and thoughtful. "I care about you," she admitted quietly. Spike just watched her. "But I couldn't be with you."
"Why?" he asked, his voice low and deceptively calm.
"Redemption. Angel was on the road to redemption. You haven't even stepped on it."
"And everything I've done for the Scoobies?"
"Spike you fought demons and vampires because they were the only thing you could kill. You did it for the love of the kill, not for us." She looked over at him, daring him to deny the truth of that.
"At first," he agreed.
"And what's really changed?" she asked.
"I don't know. But I do know that something's changed. How many times did I care for Lil' Bit, even after you.died?" Spike looked away from her, towards the door. "I don't know why I would have bothered except that you asked me to take care of her when you were alive and I thought you'd want me to keep doin' it while you were.gone." He looked back at her. "So something's changed. Back when I was killing nasties along side you and your groupies I was doin' it for the kill. But somewhere along the line I started to care about you, to care about them. I can't explain it, but I know it's true." He backed up towards the door. "One day you will too, love." Spike turned and left, slamming the door behind him.
*~*~*
They all met in front of the big school to say goodbye to the family that was leaving. Dawn watched Mrs. Weasley fuss over her sons while Bill Weasley smiled and winked to a number of pretty seventh years. She saw Neville's grandmother stare sternly at the suspected Death Eater parents that stood together with their Slytherin sons and daughters. Her gaze traveled over to that pack of parents and her eyes instantly connected with ice blue ones. She had to fight with herself to keep from showing him that she knew what he had done, so she looked back at Lucius for a moment and then frowned and looked away, glad to be rid of the contact.
Willow excused herself early, saying goodbye to Buffy and Giles quickly and disappeared back inside the school. Dawn wondered where she was headed to in such a hurry but she didn't let the curiosity occupy her mind for long. She smiled and hugged Giles.
"Thanks for coming, Giles. You don't know how nice it's been to have you here." She promised herself she wouldn't tear up.
"And for me as well. I miss you. Sunnydale isn't the same without you," he smiled. "Don't forget to write me if anything goes amiss." Giles paused. "Or if you just want to talk."
Dawn smiled and hugged him again before turning to Buffy.
"It's not too late, you know," Buffy said with a smile.
Dawn looked over to her friends and smiled, turning her attention back to Buffy. "Yes it is."
Buffy nodded. She also looked over at the trio and smiled. "It's kind of weird, you know?"
"What?"
"Well, Hermione is kind of like your Willow and Ron is like your Xander. It's funny how things go full circle."
A grin split Dawn's face. "That's funny, I had that same thought. I just haven't figure out where to put Harry."
"Maybe he's your Giles," Giles answered.
Dawn frowned at the thought of dating any version of Giles. Buffy apparently had the same thought because her face screwed up in mild distaste.
"Or not," Giles said, obviously missing the reason for the girls' reaction.
Looking over at Harry, Dawn wondered for a moment on which of the Scoobies he resembled. "Well, if I'm the new Buffy," she said, grinning at Buffy," then I guess he would be my Riley."
Buffy's smile vanished. She looked deep in thought and then took Dawn's hand. "I hope not, Dawnie."
That statement elicited a curious look from Dawn, but she forgot it when the carriages that would carry away the family came to a stop. Dawn hugged Buffy. "I'll write."
"You better," Buffy said with a smile. "Stay out of trouble."
"Oh sure," Dawn said shamelessly. "I didn't get to be the new Buffy for nothing."
Giles burst into laughter that was suddenly and badly masked by a cough when Buffy sent him a quelling look. She gave Dawn a playful look and squeezed her hand before heading to the carriages. Giles helped her in and got in after her. Buffy leaned over him to blow a kill to her sister and Dawn waved in response.
As the carriages pulled away, Dawn felt the odd sensation of being watched. She looked over to her right and saw Draco staring at her. She returned his look for a moment, trying to read him. He was obviously guarded, though. When she turned towards Harry, she saw he and their friends were approaching. His hand instinctively reached for hers and hesitantly, she held his hand. He didn't seem to notice the hesitation but Hermione gave her an odd look. She could still feel the eyes boring into the back of her head and then with some horror she realized Hermione was staring behind her, at Draco.
*~*~*
Willow made a quick stop at her room before heading to Snape's. She checked her reflection in the mirror and frowned. It was Sunday. She felt like going without the robe today. So she stripped it off, leaving her wearing tight black jeans and a purple hooded shirt. She slipped out of her boots and into some tennis shoes that would be more comfortable. She eyed her hair that collected in fat curls. She was over the curled look. She liked how her hair used to look when it was straighter. Well, for now all she could do was pull it back into a ponytail. The effect made her look younger, but she didn't think that was a bad thing. After a fresh application of gloss, Willow left for Snape's, leaving her wand behind.
She followed his directions straight to his door and knocked smartly when she arrived. The door was quickly answered by Snape.
Snape narrowed his eyes at her appearance. Her hair was pulled away from her face giving her the look of a pixie. Her absence of a robe meant that he could look more completely at the shape of her body and he found himself doing so, unwittingly, before his face snapped up to hers. She was smiling as if she knew what he was thinking. That only made his scowl deepen.
"It is customary to wear your robes while working at this school, Professor Rosenberg."
"Willow," she said firmly, "and I'm not working. It's our day off," she said brightly. She peered over his shoulder. "Are you going to invite me in or are we doing the spell out here?" she smiled brazenly.
He could feel his mouth go dry. He swallowed and stepped back from the door so that she could enter. She did, looking around at his apartment.
"Wow, this is really nice. Is this all your stuff?"
"Yes," he answered stiffly, watching her more freely now that her back was to him.
"You've got nice taste," she smiled over her shoulder to him before going to his grandfather clock. "Ohhh.I love grandfather clocks."
Almost without thinking, he walked up to stand behind her. "Why?" he asked curiously.
"I don't know," she said, her voice now small and thoughtful. Her hand came out to trace the elegant carvings within the dark wood of the clock. "I always have. They remind me of something regal and timeless, ironic as that may sound. They're full of majesty and simple grace, although they have but one real function." She stared at the piece as if transfixed for a moment and then suddenly turned to face him, and he realized how close he was to her at that moment. She looked up at him and he knew he should back up, but something in her eyes kept him rooted. "It's fitting that you should have one," she said and walked over to his bookshelves to inspect the tomes he held there. Snape let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. 'It's fitting that you should have one,' floated around in his brain for a moment, not taking root anywhere.
"Wow, you sure have a collection. I've heard of a few of these but some of these volumes I've never seen mentioned before. Are these that rare or was I just not looking in the right books?" she asked, glancing over at him. Taking a breath he walked over to where she was.
"Some of these books," he indicated a few shelves full, "are very rare and very old. But these, they are more commonly found. A few of them can be found in the library, many in the restricted section, although you shouldn't have any problems accessing them." She nodded and looked over at him. "Or.you could borrow them from me." When her face lit up he quickly added, "Provided you care for them," and turned away from her. This was a mistake, he knew. He shouldn't have invited her over to do this potion.
"So," she asked. "Where's the cauldron?"
Squaring his shoulders, Snape lead her into his workroom. It was very spacious with racks of bottles and jars of all shapes and sizes. There were small boxes and cages with animals. Everything was labeled meticulously, which made Willow smile. She suspected he would know every ingredient here by sight and smell, but he still labeled them all perfectly, despite being the only one to use them. Well, usually, that was.
A large cauldron sat in the middle of the room on a heating surface that was turned off. The cauldron was immaculate as was everything else in the room. A stool sat off in one corner and high legged writing desk and matching chair sat next to the cauldron with a neat stack of cut parchment and writing quill waiting for him.
"It's just how I pictured it," she said with a smile.
The corner of his mouth seemed to turn up a little and her eyebrows rose in surprise. Was he going to smile? But the moment was lost and he turned towards a book lying closed on a tall bookstand. Snape opened it to the page he needed and started to read. Willow stood in the room and looked around for a moment. The silence was somewhat uncomfortable and she started to clap her hands together in a nervous gesture. Snape looked over at her, but then focused back on the book.
"Is there something I can do? Since I'm here to help and all," she asked awkwardly. He looked up at her again and seemed to study her.
"Of course," he said after a moment. "You can fetch certain materials for me as I read them to you."
She gave a resigned nod and set about bringing him the things he called out for. It really was easy to find things in his work room, which made the tedious task less so. After all the supplies had been brought to him, she stood beside him as he started to mix them. His instruction came easily and suddenly the words came from him, as he taught her the potion. His words were soft and she found that she loved the way he formed words and the way his pronunciations left little doubt to his mood. Right now, she judged, his mood was quite relaxed.
After setting the cauldron's innards to boiling, Snape went about cleaning up around his workspace, but twice he knocked something over with the long sleeves of his robes. She also noticed him pushing up the robe sleeves to give his arms some ability to work. She always wondered how he worked with them, and now she knew.he didn't.
"You should take off your robe before you spill something on it," Willow suggested helpfully. He frowned at her. "I won't tell anyone if you don't wear anything under there," she said with a mischievous smile.
He stared at her for a moment and although nothing had really changed in his face, she felt his mood change. Then the corner of his mouth tried courageously to pull upwards on his thin lips. And then it happened. He smiled at her. Well, it wasn't so much a smile as a sideways grin, but she wasn't being picky at this point. He straightened up and started undoing the fasteners on his robe, still watching her. She couldn't help the way her heart sped up and she hoped he couldn't hear it thumping against her chest.
When the robe was unfastened, he pulled it away from his chest and slipped it down his arms, hanging it on a hanger behind the door, finally tearing his eyes from hers. She took full opportunity to look him over without the billowy robes to hide him. He had a firm body with strong legs covered in well fitting trousers. His shirt, which she expected to be black, was actually a brilliant blue color, standing out among the black of the rest of his ensemble. She could see a silver chain peeking out from under the collar of his shirt and a silver band was fastened around his left wrist. His shirt had full sleeves, buttoned at the wrist and she could not see his Dark Mark, but she knew it was there. The thought of it, drew her attention to the spot on his arm where it sat. It was Snape's throat being cleared that brought her back to the here and now.
He had noticed her staring at him and he had to admit to himself that it felt good. She was so easy to read that he could tell she liked what she saw. This knowledge quickened his pulse and made him feel like the room was warming. But when her gaze traveled to where his Dark Mark was tattooed, he frowned. He remembered when she touched it and the strangeness that had occurred. He cleared his throat to try to catch her attention and it seemed to work. Her cheeks tinged pink and he turned to stir his concoction.
"You're curious about my mark." It wasn't a question.
"Yes, I have to admit, I am. I can't explain what happened that day when I touched it. But I felt something very odd, very evil." She shivered a bit at the remembrance. She was aware that he had turned to look at her, but she wasn't seeing what was going on in this room, but rather in her mind. Her voice took on a far away sound as she continued. "I felt pain and suffering both inflicted and received. Betrayal. Death. So much death. Flashes of.something. People, I think."
"How is that possible," he asked, his voice a horse whisper.
"I don't know. But the ink the mark was made with is magical. It is possible that the magic of the ink drew some of the violence to it. Maybe it strengthens it, the violence and death."
"And how come you can see whatever it is you see?"
Her eyes focused on his. "I don't know." She offered him a weak smile. "There's a lot about my powers that I don't know."
He nodded and turned back to his work. She came up beside him, standing very close. At first she appeared to be looking at the potion that was nearly done, but then he felt her eyes on him.
"I'd like to try touching it again," she said softly.
"No. Absolutely not," he said firmly.
"Severus, I'm as curious as you about what happened."
"And what if you cannot control whatever is happening and you get hurt? Or perhaps the mark will taint you. I cannot let that happen. I will not let you touch it again unless the Headmaster asks me to and he is there to supervise."
Willow's shoulders slumped. "Party pooper," she muttered, getting a side- glance from him.
"I don't know why you care," he said dismissively.
She smiled to herself and laid a hand on his arm, making him look sharply to her. "I don't know either. But I do."
*~*~*
Spike put out his cigarette and lit another. He was smoking more and more lately. He didn't know why, really. This place did things to him. There was too much going on at the same time and it jangled his nerves. Spike took a deep drag off of the cigarette, and watched the day turn into night. Vaguely the words to a poem came to mind but he didn't dwell on them. He still had visions of poetry dance in his head, but he hadn't written any of them down in so long he had learned to ignore them when they happened upon him. It just wasn't who he was anymore.
"It will be a lovely night," Dumbledore said from behind him. Spike jumped. He wasn't used to humans sneaking up on him and he found it rather irritating that this human could do so. He gave Dumbledore a look before turning to look back at the setting sun.
"It's just night, like a million other nights," he said dully.
"Oh now, you must know that every night holds its own unique beauty to it?"
"It's all the same to me."
"I don't believe that for a moment."
Spike didn't argue with him. What would be the point? The old man was right, afterall.
"I can see from your face that you have given our discussion a lot of thought," Dumbledore said, sitting down across from where Spike stood.
"As a matter of fact, I have."
"Good!" Dumbledore smiled. "And have you made any decisions?"
Spike looked out towards the direction Buffy had left hours ago and then back to Dumbledore.
"Yeah. I want the chip out."
Dumbledore nodded. "Done."
For those who like to see the disclaimer, I'm not Joss and I'm no Rowling, so the world and characters unfortunately do not belong to me.
If you're interested in receiving a copy of this story with a header for posting on a website, email me at Jesca@comcast.net.
A few notes on the fic:
Special thanks to Eleyash who discovered that discrepancy for me in chapter six. Thanks for bringing that to my attention. Also a special thanks to Laura Martin whose feedback made me quite literally high with pleasure. It's always nice to get letters like that.thank you!
*~*~*
"Do you think this wise, Headmaster?" Severus asked from his half-sitting position as he leaned on an in table.
"The girl should know. If she was lead by Young Malfoy then she has some reason to feel trust for him. If this trust is misplaced, she should know. The next trap he leads her into may be the one that succeeds."
Snape nodded after a moment. "It's just." he trailed off.
"You can speak freely, Severus," Dumbledore said glancing to the only other person in the room, Willow Rosenberg. She tried to look supportive without looking so interested in him that he would clam up.
Snape visibly let himself be freer in his manner. The lines in his face were plainly due to sadness. The sight imprinted itself onto Willow's heart.
"I would be lying if I didn't say that part of the reason I fear this memory charm being reversed is the way Miss Summers will react to me from now on. You should have seen her face, Headmaster." Although he addressed Dumbledore, he seemed to almost be talking to himself. His voice was low and Willow had to lean forward ever so much to strain to hear him. "She looked at me as if I had failed her. I am one of her professors. I am charged with protecting the students of this school and I was a failure to her. A willing failure. A betrayer." He paused before continuing. "I am a betrayer. I can handle that. But.I just wish it would have been easier for her to find reason to doubt that I was truly the evil thing she took me for last night."
Willow's eyes were misted over. She had never heard Severus Snape speak from his heart like this. She never would have guessed that he even cared about any of the students outside his house, much less how deeply he cared.
"It is part of the process, dear Severus. Right now many do not trust you. You certainly have people on our side who distrust you and people on Voldemort's side who distrust you. You have turned away from your allies and your enemies are not quick to take you in." Snape nodded at that, his eyes cast to the ground. At this moment he didn't paint a picture of sadness but instead a pupil listening hard to his teacher. "But there is one person in this world who has absolute faith in you, Severus." Snape furrowed his brow in thought and then looked over to Dumbledore as if to ask the question. "I have faith in you."
Willow did the best she could to stay unnoticed. She felt like she wandered in on some private moment between the two men and she felt embarrassed to be listening in. She would have left them to their moment, if it weren't for the commotion it would cause.
"And, one day, I won't be alone in my faith."
*~*~*
Spike looked around the huge office as he entered alongside Giles. Dawn and Harry were here too. He could smell Red and Snape even before he saw them and he threw a smirk to Willow, who blushed a little and made a point not to look at him anymore. Spike smiled a little to himself and looked over at Snape, who was watching their exchange. He smiled wider and Snape scowled and looked away.
His eyes caught Dumbledore's and he was subdued. The man intrigued him. He remembered the conversation he had with the old mage when he came to insist on blood. His thoughts kept him distracted until Dumbledore spoke.
"As you can see, I have assembled all of you because I have something very important to talk to you all about." He looked over the faces of all the people and everyone was watching him pensively. "Dawn, what did you do last night?"
Dawn frowned. "I was studying, in the library."
"No. You were not."
Dawn's eyes widened. "But I was, I-"
"Let me explain, child," Dumbledore said softly. Dawn immediately stopped talking to listen to the explanation. "Before I start, I want to state what most of you have observed; the slayer is not present." Dawn nodded and looked to Giles who was listening avidly. "The reason for this is because she is to leave tomorrow and I do not want to worry her. If she were to hear the conversation at hand, she would likely decide to stay behind and the fate of Sunnydale could not bare the loss of the Slayer. It is important that all of us realize this and respect it." Dawn frowned deeply. A secret from Buffy? This couldn't be good.
"What is going on?" Giles asked softly.
"Last night Dawn was kidnapped." The room rippled with gasps and other surprised noises. None was more surprised than Dawn.
"But, Professor Dumbledore, if Dawn was kidnapped, how come she can't remember it?" Harry asked, frowning in thought. He didn't question the Headmaster's words, but he was curious nonetheless.
"Because she had a memory charm placed on her last night to keep her from remembering."
"But who kidnapped her?" Giles asked. "And why did they return her?"
Dawn shot a frown to Giles. He looked at her apologetically, realizing that his last question could be taken the wrong way.
"Lucius Malfoy," Snape said quietly. "He tried to perform a ritual on Dawn and it failed. So he returned her."
Giles looked to Dumbledore suspiciously. "How much notice did you have of this before it happened?"
"Yesterday morning," Dumbledore answered honestly.
"Why was I not informed?" Giles asked loudly.
"Because it was important to let them try so that they could be caught. Willow and I attempted to locate her, but they unexpectedly took her off of school grounds." Dumbledore looked at Dawn. "I will remove the memory charm so that you can know what happened to you. Anything you wish to talk about in private we shall. Anything else you are free to bring up afterwards."
Dawn nodded, not liking the sound of that. When Dumbledore gestured her to him, she stood and went around his desk towards him. She looked to the room from Dumbledore's side of the desk. Willow looked reassuring, Giles looked agitated, Harry looked thoughtful, Spike looked angry, and Snape tensed up. She didn't understand the significance of Snape's attitude, but she didn't pay much mind to it.
Dumbledore extracted his wand and touched it to the corner of her head. She closed her eyes as she felt a pulling in her mind. Suddenly she pictured her mind as a room. The room was lit by a single candle, which she held. All around her the light of the candle tossed soft light onto parts of her life. She could see memories as if they belonged to an interactive DVD menu. It was kind of strange. But she felt this pulling. Only it wasn't her being pulled. She saw the darkness surrounding her circle of light pull away slightly and she saw a flicker of a memory she hadn't seen before. The pull came again and the darkness pulled back a bit more. Her candle started to change and suddenly she was holding a lantern as the darkness was tugged back, revealing to her the memory of last night.
Dawn's eyes flew open and she stared at everyone in panic. Her eyes fell onto Snape. He was watching her impassively. She narrowed her eyes. No one missed the way she was staring at him.
"You-you were there!" she yelled at Snape. She turned to Dumbledore, "He's a traitor!"
"Now Dawnie," Willow began, trying to calm things before they got out of hand.
Spike came alive. "What the hell is this prat doing here if he's a traitor?"
"What is the meaning of this?" Giles asked Snape angrily.
No body noticed Harry until his wand was out and he was yelling his attack spell. Blue electricity hurled itself into Snape's chest, slamming him against the wall and onto the floor. Snape quickly got up, his wand out. He didn't have a chance to use it though as Harry exploded another spell towards him. This one Snape barely got out of the way of.
"ENOUGH!" Dumbledore's voice broke through the chaos. Harry was panting with anger, his wand still pointed at Snape, but he didn't fire another spell. Willow immediate went to Snape to see if he was ok, but he pushed her away, his attention on Harry alone. Spike growled but didn't move. Giles looked fit to be tied. Dawn was just watching the scene with trepidation.
"There will be no more spells slung in my office and you will remember, Mr. Potter, that attacking a professor is strictly forbidden."
"But he kidnapped Dawn, sir!"
"I did nothing of the sort," Snape said testily. Harry's wand instinctively rose a bit. "You stupid boy," Snape spat out. "We're on the same side!" he exclaimed.
"If we're on the same side, why don't you act like it and quit being such a git to everyone who is supposedly 'on your side'? If we're on the same side, why do you cavort with your Death Eater friends and kidnap the students?" Harry bit out. He seemed a little shocked to have said that to his professor, even if it was Professor Snape but given the circumstances, he was not taking it back.
Snape's eyes bore into Harry's. Hatred could be seen there, sharp and hot. It was if he was looking into the face of James Potter, instead of his son. He knew that they were on the same side, but that thought did nothing to cool the anger and the white-hot hatred that bubbled beneath his cool exterior.
"Severus was there as my spy," Dumbledore said softly. Although many people did not move at that statement, there was no doubt that they all heard him. Eventually Spike stood down and Giles calmed, but continued to watch the way the hatred was filling Snape's look.
"Severus," Snape heard Giles say. "If you must hate, hate the man who deserves it, and not his son." Giles knew about the torment that James Potter inflicted onto Severus during the early years of his schooling. It was something Snape didn't confide in many people about, but it was clear that it bothered him a great deal.
Snape's wild eyes met Giles' only for a second. They were soon boring into Potter's eyes again.
"After all, you ask that he place his trust in you. Could you not do the same for him?"
"I ask nothing!" Snape spat out, his eyes still on Harry.
"Don't you?"
Snape's chest heaved and then he quickly tore his eyes from Harry.
"Harry," Dumbledore said softly. "Put your wand away."
Harry swallowed back much of his anger and quietly he did as Professor Dumbledore instructed him to do.
"But, Professor Dumbledore," Dawn said, "he was there. He was helping them." She felt confused and she couldn't help but remember the hurt she felt at the betrayal of Draco. She was glad that Dumbledore hadn't brought the boy here or brought him up in front of Harry. She didn't want to have to explain.
"Yes, he was there, but he was not helping them, Dawn." Dumbledore sat back in his chair. Dawn thought she should probably move since she was standing right beside Dumbledore on his side of the desk, but doing so would have her passing by Snape, and she didn't want to go near him at the moment. "Severus Snape has been working for me for a long time now. He has earned my trust and my faith in him. But he is still known by the Death Eaters as one of them," he said, looking at Harry this time. "He is still parting with their secrets and to do so he will have to, on occasion, prove that he still deserves their trust." Dumbledore looked at Dawn. "It was Professor Snape that kept Lucius from taking you straight to Voldemort, was it not?"
Dawn frowned and looked at Professor Snape. For a moment all she could see was the vile way he had treated her since she got here and the nasty way he taunted her last night. But slowly she began to look past those things. She remembered that he was the one to protest her going to Voldemort, talking Lucius Malfoy out of his scheme to transport her to the evil fiend. A memory tugged at her mind and she remembered that his surprise when Lucius announced they'd be leaving the school. Dawn nodded, finally accepting the truth in Professor Dumbledore's words.
Snape seemed to relax a little bit at her nod. He seemed to want to say something to Dawn, but she couldn't imagine what that would be.
Snape looked out among the people in the room. He was grateful to Dumbledore for setting the record straight, and more than a little pleased that Dawn seemed to believe him. He saw that Giles was again calm and trusting while Spike just watched Dumbledore in silence. He avoided looking at Potter and his eyes fell instead to Willow. She was looking at him with a mixture of worry and hurt. He knew he pushed her away after Potter's attack. He wanted to apologize to her but now wasn't the time. He looked back to Dawn, wanting to tell her how sorry he was for the things he did last night, but he couldn't bring himself to.
"Now that we're calm, are there any other questions?"
"I have one," Harry said. "How did Lucius Malfoy get a hold of Dawn?"
Dawn swallowed. Instantly Draco came to mind, but she didn't want to say anything.
"Lucius Malfoy can be a very resourceful person," Snape answered. Dawn looked to him in surprise but she was grateful for his intervention.
"That he can be. And Voldemort's followers are many," Dumbledore followed up on the answer. "I trust this will not come to the Slayer's attention?" he asked looking out at everyone. They all individually agreed. "Good. Now, I'd like a moment to spend with Miss Summers, alone." They all nodded and one by one, they departed.
*~*~*
As soon as they were all in front of the large stone phoenix Harry took off to tell Ron and Hermione about what he learned. Giles went to find Buffy so that she would not be too suspicious about no one being around. Spike shot a meaningful look to Willow before he put an unlit cigarette in his mouth and made his way to where he could smoke.
"I really wish he would leave the fags in the pack until he got outside," Snape sighed. "It is bad enough that he smokes in the courtyard where all of the students are present."
Willow nodded. "Well, with Voldemort's followers about, lung cancer is probably the least of their problems." She started to walk off still a little hurt by the way her feelings had been shoved away.
"I'm sorry."
She stopped, mid-stride. She turned and her face showed astonishment.
"I did not mean to upset you. I was merely frustrated by the situation."
Willow couldn't help herself. Her face lit up with a dazzling smile that stunned Snape speechless. "Are you ok now?" she asked him, moving closer to him.
Snape swallowed a few times so that he could use his voice and even had to clear his voice. "Uh, yes, I'm fine. Really."
She smiled and nodded. Her hand reached out and touched the spot on his chest where Potter's first attack had hit him. Even through the layer of clothing, he felt her little hand burn through to his skin.
"I'm surprised you don't have a big hole in your robes." Her hand rubbed gently. "Does it hurt?"
Snape was immobilized. He wanted to move away from her, but he couldn't seem to do that. He just stared at the girl before him and shook his head slightly.
"I wonder if your skin is red in that place," she said, more thinking aloud. He pictured himself showing her, but the thought spurred him into action.
Promptly, Snape took a step back. "I am fine, Professor Rosenberg," he said softly.
"You really can call me Willow," she said, dropping her hand to her side.
He gave a nod and started to walk away. Willow fell into step beside him. "So what are you going to do now?"
"Get ready for school tomorrow."
"But it's Sunday. After the parents are gone you have the whole afternoon off."
He merely nodded.
"Well, what are you going to be working on?"
"Potions," he said as if she should know that.
"Well, yes, potions, but what one?"
"My seventh year students will be working on clairvoyance potions this week. I thought it prudent to prepare a finished potion and some at various stages to put on display."
Willow nodded and smiled. "Mind if I tag along? I don't know that potion."
He opened his mouth to tell her he wasn't surprised by her ignorance of the potion, but he decided against doing so. Having her there would distract him, he knew, but part of him didn't want to say goodbye just yet. "What about the slayer? I will likely be working through her departure."
The red-head nodded thoughtfully. "I'll go say goodbye and then come, ok?"
Snape finally nodded. "I won't be in my office, though. I will be in my work room."
"Where is that?"
"My living quarters. Not far from yours." He gave directions and she nodded and smiled.
"I'll see you there."
He couldn't explain the tightening of his chest when she said those words.
*~*~*
Dawn waited until everyone had vacated the office and the stone phoenix could no longer be heard. Her heart was beating quickly because she knew that Dumbledore would ask her about Draco and she wasn't sure she was prepared for questions about him yet. She wasn't even sure what she felt for him at this particular moment. How could he have betrayed her so completely? And why did she let him so effortlessly? She didn't have answers.
It was a moment before she realized that everyone had gone and Dumbledore was staring at her. She blushed a little and looked down at her hands.
"There is no reason to feel ashamed, Miss Summers. We have all trusted the wrong person at one time or another."
She nodded at his words, still not looking at him. Silence stretched on in the office until Dumbledore adjusting in his chair broke the emptiness.
"It will be up to you, you know, to determine whether or not he really is the wrong person."
She looked up at him sharply. "He led me into a trap," she said with some astonishment.
"Yes, he did. But consider for a moment his point of view."
"I don't care about his point of view," Dawn said, getting angry. "He led me into a trap where they were going to.well.change me."
"I think you do care about his point of view. I think you care about him too much not to want to know why."
Dawn's cheeks pinked again. She wanted to deny the truth of this statement, but she couldn't. She tried to form the words that would convince him that Draco Malfoy was nothing but a terrible Slytherin boy that she cared nothing about. She failed and finally she stopped trying.
"You must think I'm a terrible person," she said quietly.
"Why must I think that?"
"Isn't it obvious?" she asked. When he just shook his head she continued. "I'm with Harry but I care about Draco."
Dumbledore smiled and his eyes shown with kindness. "Dear child, have you ever had a boyfriend before Harry?"
Dawn frowned. This was very embarrassing to talk about with him, but she nodded. "Kind of."
"Well, believe me when I say that you will have more after him."
Again Dawn frowned. "Not necessarily. People have found their soul mate when they were in high school before. It happens."
"Ah yes, soul mate. Such a romantic notion. There have been quite a few more people who have died alone than those who have always lived with their 'soul mate'. And do you believe Mr. Potter is your soul mate?" he asked deliberately. Dawn just looked away. "Young Malfoy is a pawn, just like many of the children of Death Eaters are. They are taught certain values and those values are not consistent with the values of a tolerant or lawful people. When Death Eaters have children, they see them as a way to further their own involvement with Voldemort. They mold the child into believing that their way is the right way. Oftentimes this notion is reinforced with pain and punishment. They seek to harden the child until he or she no longer feels the tug of a conscience. So it is rarely their fault when they grow up to be like their parents. I don't judge Young Malfoy's personality or skewed sense of right or wrong because I know where he learned it. I do, however, believe that despite the upbringing one gets, he is always the master of his destiny." Dumbledore smiled. "Or her destiny as the case may be."
Dawn nodded thoughtfully to all of what Professor Dumbledore was saying. She felt he was trying to teach her something important and she strove to understand it.
"It may also be the case that a young man brought up in the house of a Death Eater may wish to break free for whatever reason. If he were to truly want this, he would feel a great deal of confusion. All of his upbringing will be called into question. All of what he once thought was right he would now have to critically analyze." Dumbledore paused. "How do you know what is right from wrong?"
The question made Dawn think hard. It was such a simple question but she had never really thought about the source of her knowledge of what was right or wrong. She knew that killing a human was wrong. She knew that stealing was wrong. She knew that kindness was right. But those were the basic things. She knew that the list of what was right and wrong was added to often. For instance, she knew that Voldemort and all he stood for was wrong, but she had never even met the evil wizard. It made her wonder, where did her sense of right and wrong come from? Were some people born with this innate knowledge while others were denied it? Or was it even an innate knowledge? How could it be?
"I learned it," she said, surprised by her own answer.
Dumbledore smiled and nodded. "From who?"
"My family and friends."
"Very good. Now imagine for a moment what you might believe is right or wrong if your father was Lucius Malfoy. Think hard," he urged.
She tried to think about the way Draco's values were structured, but it was difficult to believe that someone wouldn't know they were screwed up values. But then she instantly recognized that they seemed screwed up because they conflicted with her own values. She tried to think beyond her own values but time and time again she stumbled. She would get on a train of thought and the edge of her consciousness seemed to hold the answer, but again and again she would trip over her own sense of values. Finally she sighed in frustration.
"It is difficult."
"Yes, it is," he said as if she had made some great discovery. Dawn frowned in thought. She knew she was missing something. "And if it is so hard for you to think of his values as your own, how hard must it be for him to traverse his own values to reach yours?"
Realization crashed around her as her eyes widened. A floodgate of understanding seemed to be opened and she just sat there, thinking on that revelation.
"And yet, he still showed some hesitation at the ritual last night."
"There's hope for him."
Dumbledore chuckled. "He is far from hopeless yet, I dare say."
Dawn smiled but then a thought struck her and she looked worried. "Harry is going to ask me how Lucius Malfoy got a hold of me. I don't want to tell him that Draco lured me there. He wouldn't understand."
"Or maybe he would understand."
All she could do was nod.
*~*~*
Buffy shook her head in frustration. Somehow all of her clothes had fit in the suitcase before. She wasn't bringing anything new home with her but inexplicably the quantity of clothes that had fit in this exact suitcase no longer did. She sighed and started taking things out of the case when she heard a knock at the door.
"Come in," she said, distracted by her chore.
The door opened and closed near silently and Buffy looked over her shoulder to see Spike leaning against it.
"You should know by now, love, not to yell invites to people who knock on your door."
She gave a hint of a smile but turned back to her task. A moment passed in silence before Spike sat on her bed.
"I thought the point of packing was to put the clothes inside the suitcase."
She threw him a glare. "It doesn't all fit."
"Maybe if you didn't bring three weeks worth of clothes-"
"Hey, I can't help it if I have a sense of fashion. Maybe if I wore black on black on dark grey it would be easier to pack, but honestly, what person would want to look like-"
"Careful how you finish that sentence, love," Spike warned.
She was going to say 'Angel' but she decided against it. Instead she smiled sweetly at him and left him to wonder.
"So did you come here to fight, or what?" she asked, trying a different approach with her packing and putting the clothes in sideways.
"Just saying my so longs early."
She looked up at him. "So long."
He nodded and stood up. "Right. See you then, Slayer."
Buffy nodded as she negotiated her long black boots on the side of the suitcase and stuffed her socks and underthings inside them. It was a moment before she realized that Spike was still standing there. She looked up at him and noticed his expression was one of hurt.
"Just like that, huh? You won't even miss your pal, Spike, when you go back to Sunnyhell?"
"We were hardly pals, Spike."
"Yeah, I was just a convenience."
"Hardly. You were a pain in the ass, if you must know."
Normally, Spike would have grinned at that, but now it seemed to hit him hard, Buffy observed. What was his problem?
"Forget it," he muttered, heading towards the door. Before he could reach it, Buffy stood in his way. She didn't say anything, but she stood there as if she didn't yet want to let him go. He sighed. "What, Slayer? Want to get in a few parting shots?"
She looked him in the eye. "I don't understand you."
Spike snorted. "What's to understand? Blood-sucking fiend."
"Look, that's not what I meant. It's just-"
Spike cut her off by making a lightning fast grab for her and pressing her against him. He quickly stole a kiss from her while she was gasping in surprise. At first she started to fight to break the kiss, but not long after her tongue delved into his cold mouth and her hands were pressing him closer. Spike broke the kiss as sharply as he began it. He looked into her eyes.
"Tell me you don't feel it."
Buffy looked confused and moved back out of his grasp, pulling free. Spike didn't fight her.
"It's not going to happen, Spike."
"Why? Why couldn't it happen?"
"Because! What's the hard obstacle here? You're a vampire, and I'm the slayer."
"The Poof was a vampire too and you didn't seem to mind it then."
"He had a soul, Spike. You don't."
"And if I did?"
She frowned. "Look, Spike I have to get ready to go. The train leaves soon."
"Answer me," he said, his voice showing frustration.
"I don't know!" she near shouted. "All I do know is that you don't have a soul and the only thing stopping you from wreaking bloody havoc is that chip. Maybe Angel didn't want his soul when he first got it, but he was glad he had it afterwards. He saw the good in the thing that restrained him. I've never heard you say you were happy for your chip. Only that we'd all get what was coming to us if you ever got it out."
"Ok, first of all, Angel wasn't glad he had his soul until well after a hundred years of adjustment. It's only been a little over a year for me. I think I deserve somewhat of a break. Even perfect Angel tried going back to Darla and the killing while he had his soul," Spike said angrily. "And would you be glad if someone shoved an unnatural bit of metal in your brain that kept you from feeding?"
"It doesn't keep you from feeding," Buffy said quietly. She seemed somewhat subdued by the thought of Angel with a soul trying to rejoin Darla. "It just keeps you from hurting people."
"What if you had a chip that kept you from hurting vampires? It's your nature to kill vamps and it's my nature to feed off of humans."
Buffy looked down and started packing again, her movements slow and thoughtful. "I care about you," she admitted quietly. Spike just watched her. "But I couldn't be with you."
"Why?" he asked, his voice low and deceptively calm.
"Redemption. Angel was on the road to redemption. You haven't even stepped on it."
"And everything I've done for the Scoobies?"
"Spike you fought demons and vampires because they were the only thing you could kill. You did it for the love of the kill, not for us." She looked over at him, daring him to deny the truth of that.
"At first," he agreed.
"And what's really changed?" she asked.
"I don't know. But I do know that something's changed. How many times did I care for Lil' Bit, even after you.died?" Spike looked away from her, towards the door. "I don't know why I would have bothered except that you asked me to take care of her when you were alive and I thought you'd want me to keep doin' it while you were.gone." He looked back at her. "So something's changed. Back when I was killing nasties along side you and your groupies I was doin' it for the kill. But somewhere along the line I started to care about you, to care about them. I can't explain it, but I know it's true." He backed up towards the door. "One day you will too, love." Spike turned and left, slamming the door behind him.
*~*~*
They all met in front of the big school to say goodbye to the family that was leaving. Dawn watched Mrs. Weasley fuss over her sons while Bill Weasley smiled and winked to a number of pretty seventh years. She saw Neville's grandmother stare sternly at the suspected Death Eater parents that stood together with their Slytherin sons and daughters. Her gaze traveled over to that pack of parents and her eyes instantly connected with ice blue ones. She had to fight with herself to keep from showing him that she knew what he had done, so she looked back at Lucius for a moment and then frowned and looked away, glad to be rid of the contact.
Willow excused herself early, saying goodbye to Buffy and Giles quickly and disappeared back inside the school. Dawn wondered where she was headed to in such a hurry but she didn't let the curiosity occupy her mind for long. She smiled and hugged Giles.
"Thanks for coming, Giles. You don't know how nice it's been to have you here." She promised herself she wouldn't tear up.
"And for me as well. I miss you. Sunnydale isn't the same without you," he smiled. "Don't forget to write me if anything goes amiss." Giles paused. "Or if you just want to talk."
Dawn smiled and hugged him again before turning to Buffy.
"It's not too late, you know," Buffy said with a smile.
Dawn looked over to her friends and smiled, turning her attention back to Buffy. "Yes it is."
Buffy nodded. She also looked over at the trio and smiled. "It's kind of weird, you know?"
"What?"
"Well, Hermione is kind of like your Willow and Ron is like your Xander. It's funny how things go full circle."
A grin split Dawn's face. "That's funny, I had that same thought. I just haven't figure out where to put Harry."
"Maybe he's your Giles," Giles answered.
Dawn frowned at the thought of dating any version of Giles. Buffy apparently had the same thought because her face screwed up in mild distaste.
"Or not," Giles said, obviously missing the reason for the girls' reaction.
Looking over at Harry, Dawn wondered for a moment on which of the Scoobies he resembled. "Well, if I'm the new Buffy," she said, grinning at Buffy," then I guess he would be my Riley."
Buffy's smile vanished. She looked deep in thought and then took Dawn's hand. "I hope not, Dawnie."
That statement elicited a curious look from Dawn, but she forgot it when the carriages that would carry away the family came to a stop. Dawn hugged Buffy. "I'll write."
"You better," Buffy said with a smile. "Stay out of trouble."
"Oh sure," Dawn said shamelessly. "I didn't get to be the new Buffy for nothing."
Giles burst into laughter that was suddenly and badly masked by a cough when Buffy sent him a quelling look. She gave Dawn a playful look and squeezed her hand before heading to the carriages. Giles helped her in and got in after her. Buffy leaned over him to blow a kill to her sister and Dawn waved in response.
As the carriages pulled away, Dawn felt the odd sensation of being watched. She looked over to her right and saw Draco staring at her. She returned his look for a moment, trying to read him. He was obviously guarded, though. When she turned towards Harry, she saw he and their friends were approaching. His hand instinctively reached for hers and hesitantly, she held his hand. He didn't seem to notice the hesitation but Hermione gave her an odd look. She could still feel the eyes boring into the back of her head and then with some horror she realized Hermione was staring behind her, at Draco.
*~*~*
Willow made a quick stop at her room before heading to Snape's. She checked her reflection in the mirror and frowned. It was Sunday. She felt like going without the robe today. So she stripped it off, leaving her wearing tight black jeans and a purple hooded shirt. She slipped out of her boots and into some tennis shoes that would be more comfortable. She eyed her hair that collected in fat curls. She was over the curled look. She liked how her hair used to look when it was straighter. Well, for now all she could do was pull it back into a ponytail. The effect made her look younger, but she didn't think that was a bad thing. After a fresh application of gloss, Willow left for Snape's, leaving her wand behind.
She followed his directions straight to his door and knocked smartly when she arrived. The door was quickly answered by Snape.
Snape narrowed his eyes at her appearance. Her hair was pulled away from her face giving her the look of a pixie. Her absence of a robe meant that he could look more completely at the shape of her body and he found himself doing so, unwittingly, before his face snapped up to hers. She was smiling as if she knew what he was thinking. That only made his scowl deepen.
"It is customary to wear your robes while working at this school, Professor Rosenberg."
"Willow," she said firmly, "and I'm not working. It's our day off," she said brightly. She peered over his shoulder. "Are you going to invite me in or are we doing the spell out here?" she smiled brazenly.
He could feel his mouth go dry. He swallowed and stepped back from the door so that she could enter. She did, looking around at his apartment.
"Wow, this is really nice. Is this all your stuff?"
"Yes," he answered stiffly, watching her more freely now that her back was to him.
"You've got nice taste," she smiled over her shoulder to him before going to his grandfather clock. "Ohhh.I love grandfather clocks."
Almost without thinking, he walked up to stand behind her. "Why?" he asked curiously.
"I don't know," she said, her voice now small and thoughtful. Her hand came out to trace the elegant carvings within the dark wood of the clock. "I always have. They remind me of something regal and timeless, ironic as that may sound. They're full of majesty and simple grace, although they have but one real function." She stared at the piece as if transfixed for a moment and then suddenly turned to face him, and he realized how close he was to her at that moment. She looked up at him and he knew he should back up, but something in her eyes kept him rooted. "It's fitting that you should have one," she said and walked over to his bookshelves to inspect the tomes he held there. Snape let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. 'It's fitting that you should have one,' floated around in his brain for a moment, not taking root anywhere.
"Wow, you sure have a collection. I've heard of a few of these but some of these volumes I've never seen mentioned before. Are these that rare or was I just not looking in the right books?" she asked, glancing over at him. Taking a breath he walked over to where she was.
"Some of these books," he indicated a few shelves full, "are very rare and very old. But these, they are more commonly found. A few of them can be found in the library, many in the restricted section, although you shouldn't have any problems accessing them." She nodded and looked over at him. "Or.you could borrow them from me." When her face lit up he quickly added, "Provided you care for them," and turned away from her. This was a mistake, he knew. He shouldn't have invited her over to do this potion.
"So," she asked. "Where's the cauldron?"
Squaring his shoulders, Snape lead her into his workroom. It was very spacious with racks of bottles and jars of all shapes and sizes. There were small boxes and cages with animals. Everything was labeled meticulously, which made Willow smile. She suspected he would know every ingredient here by sight and smell, but he still labeled them all perfectly, despite being the only one to use them. Well, usually, that was.
A large cauldron sat in the middle of the room on a heating surface that was turned off. The cauldron was immaculate as was everything else in the room. A stool sat off in one corner and high legged writing desk and matching chair sat next to the cauldron with a neat stack of cut parchment and writing quill waiting for him.
"It's just how I pictured it," she said with a smile.
The corner of his mouth seemed to turn up a little and her eyebrows rose in surprise. Was he going to smile? But the moment was lost and he turned towards a book lying closed on a tall bookstand. Snape opened it to the page he needed and started to read. Willow stood in the room and looked around for a moment. The silence was somewhat uncomfortable and she started to clap her hands together in a nervous gesture. Snape looked over at her, but then focused back on the book.
"Is there something I can do? Since I'm here to help and all," she asked awkwardly. He looked up at her again and seemed to study her.
"Of course," he said after a moment. "You can fetch certain materials for me as I read them to you."
She gave a resigned nod and set about bringing him the things he called out for. It really was easy to find things in his work room, which made the tedious task less so. After all the supplies had been brought to him, she stood beside him as he started to mix them. His instruction came easily and suddenly the words came from him, as he taught her the potion. His words were soft and she found that she loved the way he formed words and the way his pronunciations left little doubt to his mood. Right now, she judged, his mood was quite relaxed.
After setting the cauldron's innards to boiling, Snape went about cleaning up around his workspace, but twice he knocked something over with the long sleeves of his robes. She also noticed him pushing up the robe sleeves to give his arms some ability to work. She always wondered how he worked with them, and now she knew.he didn't.
"You should take off your robe before you spill something on it," Willow suggested helpfully. He frowned at her. "I won't tell anyone if you don't wear anything under there," she said with a mischievous smile.
He stared at her for a moment and although nothing had really changed in his face, she felt his mood change. Then the corner of his mouth tried courageously to pull upwards on his thin lips. And then it happened. He smiled at her. Well, it wasn't so much a smile as a sideways grin, but she wasn't being picky at this point. He straightened up and started undoing the fasteners on his robe, still watching her. She couldn't help the way her heart sped up and she hoped he couldn't hear it thumping against her chest.
When the robe was unfastened, he pulled it away from his chest and slipped it down his arms, hanging it on a hanger behind the door, finally tearing his eyes from hers. She took full opportunity to look him over without the billowy robes to hide him. He had a firm body with strong legs covered in well fitting trousers. His shirt, which she expected to be black, was actually a brilliant blue color, standing out among the black of the rest of his ensemble. She could see a silver chain peeking out from under the collar of his shirt and a silver band was fastened around his left wrist. His shirt had full sleeves, buttoned at the wrist and she could not see his Dark Mark, but she knew it was there. The thought of it, drew her attention to the spot on his arm where it sat. It was Snape's throat being cleared that brought her back to the here and now.
He had noticed her staring at him and he had to admit to himself that it felt good. She was so easy to read that he could tell she liked what she saw. This knowledge quickened his pulse and made him feel like the room was warming. But when her gaze traveled to where his Dark Mark was tattooed, he frowned. He remembered when she touched it and the strangeness that had occurred. He cleared his throat to try to catch her attention and it seemed to work. Her cheeks tinged pink and he turned to stir his concoction.
"You're curious about my mark." It wasn't a question.
"Yes, I have to admit, I am. I can't explain what happened that day when I touched it. But I felt something very odd, very evil." She shivered a bit at the remembrance. She was aware that he had turned to look at her, but she wasn't seeing what was going on in this room, but rather in her mind. Her voice took on a far away sound as she continued. "I felt pain and suffering both inflicted and received. Betrayal. Death. So much death. Flashes of.something. People, I think."
"How is that possible," he asked, his voice a horse whisper.
"I don't know. But the ink the mark was made with is magical. It is possible that the magic of the ink drew some of the violence to it. Maybe it strengthens it, the violence and death."
"And how come you can see whatever it is you see?"
Her eyes focused on his. "I don't know." She offered him a weak smile. "There's a lot about my powers that I don't know."
He nodded and turned back to his work. She came up beside him, standing very close. At first she appeared to be looking at the potion that was nearly done, but then he felt her eyes on him.
"I'd like to try touching it again," she said softly.
"No. Absolutely not," he said firmly.
"Severus, I'm as curious as you about what happened."
"And what if you cannot control whatever is happening and you get hurt? Or perhaps the mark will taint you. I cannot let that happen. I will not let you touch it again unless the Headmaster asks me to and he is there to supervise."
Willow's shoulders slumped. "Party pooper," she muttered, getting a side- glance from him.
"I don't know why you care," he said dismissively.
She smiled to herself and laid a hand on his arm, making him look sharply to her. "I don't know either. But I do."
*~*~*
Spike put out his cigarette and lit another. He was smoking more and more lately. He didn't know why, really. This place did things to him. There was too much going on at the same time and it jangled his nerves. Spike took a deep drag off of the cigarette, and watched the day turn into night. Vaguely the words to a poem came to mind but he didn't dwell on them. He still had visions of poetry dance in his head, but he hadn't written any of them down in so long he had learned to ignore them when they happened upon him. It just wasn't who he was anymore.
"It will be a lovely night," Dumbledore said from behind him. Spike jumped. He wasn't used to humans sneaking up on him and he found it rather irritating that this human could do so. He gave Dumbledore a look before turning to look back at the setting sun.
"It's just night, like a million other nights," he said dully.
"Oh now, you must know that every night holds its own unique beauty to it?"
"It's all the same to me."
"I don't believe that for a moment."
Spike didn't argue with him. What would be the point? The old man was right, afterall.
"I can see from your face that you have given our discussion a lot of thought," Dumbledore said, sitting down across from where Spike stood.
"As a matter of fact, I have."
"Good!" Dumbledore smiled. "And have you made any decisions?"
Spike looked out towards the direction Buffy had left hours ago and then back to Dumbledore.
"Yeah. I want the chip out."
Dumbledore nodded. "Done."