No Longer Who I Was
Any opinions or criticisms, feel free to tell me.
Email me at NotCreativeByFar@msn.com
Chapter 3.
Remus awoke in the early morning by the burning, violently bright Sun, flooding his room. Courtesy of the magical window. When his eyes were shut the light penetrated his eyelids.
Remus made to get out of the room but fell over a rug. Exclaiming a few obscenities, Remus got to his knees and stretched his arms out like a blind man, trying to find the bedside table that held his wand. Remus put one hand over his eyes, to block some of the light.
His free hand glided slowly around the table, until it came to a small, clothed thing. A drowsy burst of giggles suddenly erupted. Remus remembered the statue.
"Where's my wand!?" Remus asked, feeling ridiculous. "In case you haven't noticed we're feet away from burning to death."
"Huh?" asked the statue. "Duh, mate, Imma statue! Me can' go blind! Hones'ly!"
~*~*~
"And the rest of the morning I had to listen to the blasted thing gloat at how he thinks he, 'saved me life.' He did only drag over my wand." Remus told McGonagall on their way to lunch.
"I told Albus we should have given out a less, *obtrusive* welcoming gift."
"The gift isn't the problem, Professor, it's the window. And the intensity of the light that was coming into the room..."
"Yes, it's the house elves who enchant the windows. They cannot be removed. However, I will see to it that the scenery is changed to an appropriate morning location. Although," McGonagall stopped in front of the Great Halls' door, looking Remus over. "You look as though you've come back from a day at the beach, with that sun burn. You look healthier, Remus."
"I, er, thank you, Professor." Remus said, blushing.
"Do stop the Professor bit. You're making me feel a trifle old. Minerva, will do just fine."
"Of course, Minerva."
~*~*~
All teacher's had a full day of classes, except Remus. Poppy Pomphrey requested Remus have no classes his first day, as not to tire him too much. Remus was taken aback, but not insulted. He didn't blame Poppy for her concern, nor her ignorance, of him. His students were sure not to mind; they had an extra hour of free time.
The second day of school, he began teaching classes (and his window was fixed) It was refreshing to get into the swing of things. The day had progressed rather well, Remus thought, as he made his way to the faculty room...
"Good news!" Dumbledore exclaimed, popping out from behind.
"You don't say," said Remus smiling as he ceased walking. Albus caught up and threw a fatherly arm around the younger wizards shoulder.
"I do say. In fact I would like to talk to you and Severus in my office after the meeting."
"Oh," Remus' face fell. "Good news and Snape in the same sentence? It couldn't possibly be all that good news, then."
Albus laughed. "Trust me, it's quite excellent news." And they parted at the door, with Dumbledore being whisked away by Professor Sprout.
The entire faculty arrived before eight o'clock; engaged in somber speech, worn out from an exasperating day.
Remus sat down and listened to Hooch talk about Slytherin fifth years.
"Nasty, cruel children if I ever saw them," Hooch said.
Professor Sprout entered the door, held open by Albus, and all speech ceased.
"Good to see everyone here," Dumbledore beamed looking around, and holding eye contact with Snape, as he said, "and in happy spirits."
"You're all aware of the press, we're getting a lot of press in the Daily Prophet and The Quibbler," Dumbledore frowned. "Sirius Black won't be caught soon, I'm sure."
Binns looked skeptically at Remus, while Snape still glared.
Dumbledore continued, hesitatingly, "Since there are Dementors, on the grounds, we have to alert. Students out after hours, wandering around, and causing trouble, should be punished, accordingly. Black is after Harry Potter, so he should be treated," Albus stopped, searching for a word, "somewhat differently. Af-"
"Why does Potter, once more, get privileges above the other students? There isn't proof Black is out to kill him. You are only inflating his ego," Snape stated indignantly.
Dumbledore sighed. "You are right, Severus. There isn't proof. But as long as the Ministry is involved, precautions need, to be taken. Precautions that weren't taken last year, or the year before. I'm not favoring Harry, Severus," who looked as though he begged to disagree, "but I do not think I am alone when I say that Harry is different, from the other students."
"Of course he is!" McGonagall stood up. "I haven't seen a boy as foolish and naive, since Black, himself, *and* James Potter were in the school. Of course Harry needs to be dealt with carefully. He doesn't listen to warnings. He runs towards danger. That," said McGonagall slamming her hand on the table, "is why he needs special treatment. And I don't think we should be questioning Albus' motives." She gave Snape a pointed look.
There was a silence, that hung like a thick comforter, over the faculty room. McGonagall took her seat, Dumbledore contemplated the fireplace. Remus wanted to say something but he didn't know what.. He felt obligated, in a sense. The topic of discussion was about his old friend, and best friend's son. Remus wondered if he wanted to say something to feel close to his old life. To feel involved. It stung, to know, he no longer had any business with any of the people he had once revolved his life around.
"I believe," the Headmaster began, "we have other matters to touch upon." He closed the discussion. "Professor Sprout, you would like to announce the state of the new green houses?"
The meeting carried out with no further debate about the Harry Potter, Sirius Black issue. The staff's faces were expressionless, and bored.
"I do have one last thing to add, Headmaster," said Sinistra, before Dumbledore dismissed them. "The new window scene, in my room...It damn near blinded me, this morning."
Remus hadn't noticed, but Sinistra was just as burned, as he still was. He smiled outwardly, finding humor in a humorless evening.
Remus was looking forward to going back to his rooms, when the meeting closed. Upon seeing Snape exit with Dumbledore, Remus remembered, the "good news." He groaned.
McGonagall called to him.
"Yes, Minerva?"
"A letter, arrived for you this evening." She handed him a blue envelope, with his name written atop it, in neat cursive. She smiled knowingly. "Unexpected, but I'm sure not entirely unwelcome.
"Thank you," he said, perplexed, at her words, examining the envelope. Walking to the Headmaster's office, Remus looked closer at the letter; the writing familiar. Tight cursive, thin loops. He realized it was from her. Hastily, he tore through the envelope.
Remus' face was taught with apprehension. He stopped in his tracks.
~~Remus
It has been so long since I have seen your face. It has been too long...
I learned from Kingsley, that you were given the Defense Against the Dark Arts post. Congratulations. I recall a time when you said you never wanted to teach...
This is coming out of nowhere...I was hoping you would join me for a drink or two at the Tawny Tavern, in Hogsmeade. How does next Saturday sound? Let me know. It would mean so much to see you again...
Sincerely yours,
Emmeline~~
Remus froze, as he stared at the letter. She wanted to see him, now? He couldn't face her. He had to get to Dumbledore's office.
"Butterbeer," he told the gargoyle, and distractedly went up the stairs to his destination.
Remus gave a soft knock on the door. A rustling of wings could be heard beyond it.
"Come in Remus," called Dumbledore, from the room, he had not seen since seventh year.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All of them were seated in front of the Headmaster's desk. Heads bowed. Faces stoic.
"Mr. Black. Mr. Potter. Mr. Pettigrew and Mr. Lupin." Dumbledore took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, tiredly. "What do I owe the pleasure?"
"Let me say one thing, Headmaster, before you scold us," Sirius began. "I'm honored, that someone of your power and wisdom, and astonishing good looks," he smiled, charmingly, "would take the time to speak to a few misguided youth. I can't tell you how many teachers would simply give us a detention and dismiss us." Sirius looking for a prop, picked up a long stemmed dried flower. It became his pointer. "Faculty nowadays, don't give a rat's bum about us, or our problems!" He jabbed the weed violently through the air. "No one wants to hear our problems!" And again; seeds flew out. "So when you punish us, which, let's face it fellas, is the inevitable, " he suddenly grew weary, "consider, that we are crying out for attention, and should be..."
Dumbledore was watching the young boy closely. Sirius was out of words. "Yes? Don't tell me you can't conclude your speech?"
"Sir. I'm too emotionally drained to continue," Sirius said, feigning illness.
"Well," said Dumbledore, rising so that he could lean over the desk. "What are we going to do with you four? Less than a month of school, in your Hogwarts careers and you chance getting expelled? Yes, Mr. Lupin, I do mean expelled. For real, this time."
Remus was nauseated. Peter scared witless. James and Sirius composed.
"However, after hearing Mr. Black's convincing argument, I intend on letting you finish your schooling. But seeing as how you are all such troubled youth, perhaps, a few sessions talking out your problems with the school psychologist, would do you some good." The Marauders tried to suppress their grins. "And, a few detentions cleaning the bathrooms, by hand, would help also."
"What? That's foul!" protested James.
"Oh, I wouldn't say that, Mr. Potter. Perhaps you'll discover a hidden career path in being a domestic."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snape was seated in a light blue arm chair. Dumbledore in a chintz chair, behind his desk. Remus glanced at the Phoenix, Fawkes who was eyeing him. Remus, remembering what he was here for, looked to Dumbledore.
"Sit down. Right next to Severus," who was ignoring him.
"As I said to you earlier, we have some good news!"
"We?" he asked.
"Indeed, more Severus' good news than my own."
"I'm afraid I don't understand."
"Myself and Severus were talking one evening. About this and that, when Wolfsbane, became the subject of our conversation," he paused and looked at Remus.
"Wolfsbane? The cure for lycanthropy?"
"It's not a cure, Lupin," Snape spat. "He doesn't even know what it is and he's the werewolf!"
"Enough, Severus."
"Wolfsbane, isn't a cure for Lycanthropy, it simply stops the effects of it, on the brain," he told Remus.
"Is Wolfsbane terribly, advanced? Maybe I could-" Remus was cut off.
"You can't brew it. It takes far more skill and intelligence than you are capable," Snape said impatiently. "If it's going to be done, then I will do it."
"Alright. It's agreed. Severus you will brew the Wolfsbane for Remus," Dumbledore declared.
It was remarkable, the gift Snape had for taking the excitement out of something. Remus should have been skipping down the hallways. Wolfsbane meant no longer feeling out of control. No longer being what he hated for so many years. He would at least, only be half of what he hated.
When in his room, Remus took off his robes. The letter fell out. The ordeal with Snape had made him forget about Emmeline's letter. He had stuffed it into his pocket all too eagerly, upon entering Dumbledore's office. He read it once more.
~~It has been so long...Too long...It would mean so much...~~
It was hard to swallow. He had experienced everything with her. Loved her, taken care of her, adored her. She left him, giving, vague reasons. She had muttered this and that. The day she left, he said he understood. After she was gone, he couldn't' escape the feel of nausea he had. And she wanted to see him again; fourteen years later.
He knew what he wanted; to never lay his eyes, upon her green ones, again. Like hell he was going to meet her at the Tawny tavern.
Remus flung the letter into the fire, and enjoyed the blue flames, as the letter morphed into ashes.
~*~
Any opinions or criticisms, feel free to tell me.
Email me at NotCreativeByFar@msn.com
Chapter 3.
Remus awoke in the early morning by the burning, violently bright Sun, flooding his room. Courtesy of the magical window. When his eyes were shut the light penetrated his eyelids.
Remus made to get out of the room but fell over a rug. Exclaiming a few obscenities, Remus got to his knees and stretched his arms out like a blind man, trying to find the bedside table that held his wand. Remus put one hand over his eyes, to block some of the light.
His free hand glided slowly around the table, until it came to a small, clothed thing. A drowsy burst of giggles suddenly erupted. Remus remembered the statue.
"Where's my wand!?" Remus asked, feeling ridiculous. "In case you haven't noticed we're feet away from burning to death."
"Huh?" asked the statue. "Duh, mate, Imma statue! Me can' go blind! Hones'ly!"
~*~*~
"And the rest of the morning I had to listen to the blasted thing gloat at how he thinks he, 'saved me life.' He did only drag over my wand." Remus told McGonagall on their way to lunch.
"I told Albus we should have given out a less, *obtrusive* welcoming gift."
"The gift isn't the problem, Professor, it's the window. And the intensity of the light that was coming into the room..."
"Yes, it's the house elves who enchant the windows. They cannot be removed. However, I will see to it that the scenery is changed to an appropriate morning location. Although," McGonagall stopped in front of the Great Halls' door, looking Remus over. "You look as though you've come back from a day at the beach, with that sun burn. You look healthier, Remus."
"I, er, thank you, Professor." Remus said, blushing.
"Do stop the Professor bit. You're making me feel a trifle old. Minerva, will do just fine."
"Of course, Minerva."
~*~*~
All teacher's had a full day of classes, except Remus. Poppy Pomphrey requested Remus have no classes his first day, as not to tire him too much. Remus was taken aback, but not insulted. He didn't blame Poppy for her concern, nor her ignorance, of him. His students were sure not to mind; they had an extra hour of free time.
The second day of school, he began teaching classes (and his window was fixed) It was refreshing to get into the swing of things. The day had progressed rather well, Remus thought, as he made his way to the faculty room...
"Good news!" Dumbledore exclaimed, popping out from behind.
"You don't say," said Remus smiling as he ceased walking. Albus caught up and threw a fatherly arm around the younger wizards shoulder.
"I do say. In fact I would like to talk to you and Severus in my office after the meeting."
"Oh," Remus' face fell. "Good news and Snape in the same sentence? It couldn't possibly be all that good news, then."
Albus laughed. "Trust me, it's quite excellent news." And they parted at the door, with Dumbledore being whisked away by Professor Sprout.
The entire faculty arrived before eight o'clock; engaged in somber speech, worn out from an exasperating day.
Remus sat down and listened to Hooch talk about Slytherin fifth years.
"Nasty, cruel children if I ever saw them," Hooch said.
Professor Sprout entered the door, held open by Albus, and all speech ceased.
"Good to see everyone here," Dumbledore beamed looking around, and holding eye contact with Snape, as he said, "and in happy spirits."
"You're all aware of the press, we're getting a lot of press in the Daily Prophet and The Quibbler," Dumbledore frowned. "Sirius Black won't be caught soon, I'm sure."
Binns looked skeptically at Remus, while Snape still glared.
Dumbledore continued, hesitatingly, "Since there are Dementors, on the grounds, we have to alert. Students out after hours, wandering around, and causing trouble, should be punished, accordingly. Black is after Harry Potter, so he should be treated," Albus stopped, searching for a word, "somewhat differently. Af-"
"Why does Potter, once more, get privileges above the other students? There isn't proof Black is out to kill him. You are only inflating his ego," Snape stated indignantly.
Dumbledore sighed. "You are right, Severus. There isn't proof. But as long as the Ministry is involved, precautions need, to be taken. Precautions that weren't taken last year, or the year before. I'm not favoring Harry, Severus," who looked as though he begged to disagree, "but I do not think I am alone when I say that Harry is different, from the other students."
"Of course he is!" McGonagall stood up. "I haven't seen a boy as foolish and naive, since Black, himself, *and* James Potter were in the school. Of course Harry needs to be dealt with carefully. He doesn't listen to warnings. He runs towards danger. That," said McGonagall slamming her hand on the table, "is why he needs special treatment. And I don't think we should be questioning Albus' motives." She gave Snape a pointed look.
There was a silence, that hung like a thick comforter, over the faculty room. McGonagall took her seat, Dumbledore contemplated the fireplace. Remus wanted to say something but he didn't know what.. He felt obligated, in a sense. The topic of discussion was about his old friend, and best friend's son. Remus wondered if he wanted to say something to feel close to his old life. To feel involved. It stung, to know, he no longer had any business with any of the people he had once revolved his life around.
"I believe," the Headmaster began, "we have other matters to touch upon." He closed the discussion. "Professor Sprout, you would like to announce the state of the new green houses?"
The meeting carried out with no further debate about the Harry Potter, Sirius Black issue. The staff's faces were expressionless, and bored.
"I do have one last thing to add, Headmaster," said Sinistra, before Dumbledore dismissed them. "The new window scene, in my room...It damn near blinded me, this morning."
Remus hadn't noticed, but Sinistra was just as burned, as he still was. He smiled outwardly, finding humor in a humorless evening.
Remus was looking forward to going back to his rooms, when the meeting closed. Upon seeing Snape exit with Dumbledore, Remus remembered, the "good news." He groaned.
McGonagall called to him.
"Yes, Minerva?"
"A letter, arrived for you this evening." She handed him a blue envelope, with his name written atop it, in neat cursive. She smiled knowingly. "Unexpected, but I'm sure not entirely unwelcome.
"Thank you," he said, perplexed, at her words, examining the envelope. Walking to the Headmaster's office, Remus looked closer at the letter; the writing familiar. Tight cursive, thin loops. He realized it was from her. Hastily, he tore through the envelope.
Remus' face was taught with apprehension. He stopped in his tracks.
~~Remus
It has been so long since I have seen your face. It has been too long...
I learned from Kingsley, that you were given the Defense Against the Dark Arts post. Congratulations. I recall a time when you said you never wanted to teach...
This is coming out of nowhere...I was hoping you would join me for a drink or two at the Tawny Tavern, in Hogsmeade. How does next Saturday sound? Let me know. It would mean so much to see you again...
Sincerely yours,
Emmeline~~
Remus froze, as he stared at the letter. She wanted to see him, now? He couldn't face her. He had to get to Dumbledore's office.
"Butterbeer," he told the gargoyle, and distractedly went up the stairs to his destination.
Remus gave a soft knock on the door. A rustling of wings could be heard beyond it.
"Come in Remus," called Dumbledore, from the room, he had not seen since seventh year.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All of them were seated in front of the Headmaster's desk. Heads bowed. Faces stoic.
"Mr. Black. Mr. Potter. Mr. Pettigrew and Mr. Lupin." Dumbledore took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, tiredly. "What do I owe the pleasure?"
"Let me say one thing, Headmaster, before you scold us," Sirius began. "I'm honored, that someone of your power and wisdom, and astonishing good looks," he smiled, charmingly, "would take the time to speak to a few misguided youth. I can't tell you how many teachers would simply give us a detention and dismiss us." Sirius looking for a prop, picked up a long stemmed dried flower. It became his pointer. "Faculty nowadays, don't give a rat's bum about us, or our problems!" He jabbed the weed violently through the air. "No one wants to hear our problems!" And again; seeds flew out. "So when you punish us, which, let's face it fellas, is the inevitable, " he suddenly grew weary, "consider, that we are crying out for attention, and should be..."
Dumbledore was watching the young boy closely. Sirius was out of words. "Yes? Don't tell me you can't conclude your speech?"
"Sir. I'm too emotionally drained to continue," Sirius said, feigning illness.
"Well," said Dumbledore, rising so that he could lean over the desk. "What are we going to do with you four? Less than a month of school, in your Hogwarts careers and you chance getting expelled? Yes, Mr. Lupin, I do mean expelled. For real, this time."
Remus was nauseated. Peter scared witless. James and Sirius composed.
"However, after hearing Mr. Black's convincing argument, I intend on letting you finish your schooling. But seeing as how you are all such troubled youth, perhaps, a few sessions talking out your problems with the school psychologist, would do you some good." The Marauders tried to suppress their grins. "And, a few detentions cleaning the bathrooms, by hand, would help also."
"What? That's foul!" protested James.
"Oh, I wouldn't say that, Mr. Potter. Perhaps you'll discover a hidden career path in being a domestic."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snape was seated in a light blue arm chair. Dumbledore in a chintz chair, behind his desk. Remus glanced at the Phoenix, Fawkes who was eyeing him. Remus, remembering what he was here for, looked to Dumbledore.
"Sit down. Right next to Severus," who was ignoring him.
"As I said to you earlier, we have some good news!"
"We?" he asked.
"Indeed, more Severus' good news than my own."
"I'm afraid I don't understand."
"Myself and Severus were talking one evening. About this and that, when Wolfsbane, became the subject of our conversation," he paused and looked at Remus.
"Wolfsbane? The cure for lycanthropy?"
"It's not a cure, Lupin," Snape spat. "He doesn't even know what it is and he's the werewolf!"
"Enough, Severus."
"Wolfsbane, isn't a cure for Lycanthropy, it simply stops the effects of it, on the brain," he told Remus.
"Is Wolfsbane terribly, advanced? Maybe I could-" Remus was cut off.
"You can't brew it. It takes far more skill and intelligence than you are capable," Snape said impatiently. "If it's going to be done, then I will do it."
"Alright. It's agreed. Severus you will brew the Wolfsbane for Remus," Dumbledore declared.
It was remarkable, the gift Snape had for taking the excitement out of something. Remus should have been skipping down the hallways. Wolfsbane meant no longer feeling out of control. No longer being what he hated for so many years. He would at least, only be half of what he hated.
When in his room, Remus took off his robes. The letter fell out. The ordeal with Snape had made him forget about Emmeline's letter. He had stuffed it into his pocket all too eagerly, upon entering Dumbledore's office. He read it once more.
~~It has been so long...Too long...It would mean so much...~~
It was hard to swallow. He had experienced everything with her. Loved her, taken care of her, adored her. She left him, giving, vague reasons. She had muttered this and that. The day she left, he said he understood. After she was gone, he couldn't' escape the feel of nausea he had. And she wanted to see him again; fourteen years later.
He knew what he wanted; to never lay his eyes, upon her green ones, again. Like hell he was going to meet her at the Tawny tavern.
Remus flung the letter into the fire, and enjoyed the blue flames, as the letter morphed into ashes.
~*~