As of yesterday, I have officially finished my high school classes! YAY!!!
Ok, so I still have two weeks of exams to worry about and a graduation
dinner to prepare for, but the actually sitting at school in class
pretending to listen is all over!!!!!! *happy dance*
Anyway, I am sorry about the delay but as I said, I was busy last weekend (Halloween party was great!!!!) and then I had tones that I needed to sort out this week just passed that I just did not have the time. But the next chapter is here now, so it is all good. Surprisingly, although we all thought that it would never happen, this is a bit of a shorter chapter - not intentionally - it was just a matter of where things needed to be cut off and where they needed to begin. But yes, a little shorter then most, but I hope you still enjoy it.
Also, sorry for any mistakes as I have hardly read over this chapter - it has been a bitch of a thing to write and now I fully intend on going to bed. It was either post it like this or make you all wait another day...
*****
The Thrill of the Chase
Chapter Eight
Precautious Equilibrium
*****
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin'
Maybe six feet ain't so far down
*****
As his eyes slowly adjusted, Estel felt his senses returned to him and his mind clear. With startling clarity he recalled the night before and the aggressive Elf, thus explaining the warm body pressed against his. Eyes wandering down, the human struggled to make out the details of the Elven prince in the dim light. Morning had not yet fully approached, though the sun was well on her way as the moon retreated behind the horizon.
Legolas was curled on his side, the Elf's head resting on Estel's chest as his hair formed a small curtain down the side of the man's body. One arm was looped around Estel's shoulders, the slender wrist and hand lost somewhere within the folds of the large pillows behind the human's head while the other pale limb lay draped carelessly over the man's stomach. Estel himself had already noticed the way that his right arm was wrapped almost protectively around the Elf's slim waist and how his other had been holding onto Legolas' right shoulder, keeping the Elf thoroughly pressed against him in his sleep.
At the sight, a small smile passed over Estel's lips. He liked this, having the slightly glowing beauty in his bed and arms when he awoke in the morning and it was slightly relieving that he had not snuck off during the night. Granted that he did not know Legolas all that well, he did know however that the Elven prince did not seem to be the type to form attachments, especially of this kind.
It was so strange. Estel knew that this would not last, that it was just a lapse in the Elf's state of mind and obviously caused by something plaguing him, but a that very moment, he was prepared to disregard all of that and just smile. He was content to just look down at those open and yet unseeing eyes, the face that was for once peaceful and that stream of golden hair and all he wanted to do - all he could do - was smile.
Gently, he ran his fingers through the cascade of gold which flowed down the others back and shoulders, Estel worked tenderly at the small tangles that had formed during the night. Pushing some of the longer strands away, Estel felt his fingers come in contact with something rough on the skin of the Elf's otherwise flawless back. He peered through the dark, moving his head a little closer as he removed all of the silky curtain, as he allowed his hand to trail gently over the strange marks, using his sense of touch more so then sight to confirm his already growing suspicions.
There were many of them, curling around the archers shoulder blades and stretching down the length of his back. They were long, thin, pale and latticed; a design that Estel knew far too well for his liking. They were the aftereffect of numerous brutal kisses from a whip, and, judging by the amount and the gathered scar tissue, a serious beating. Even more obvious to that fact was the knowledge that Elves did not scar easily. As his hands traveled further he found that the scars ran for longer then he expected some reaching even as far down as the small of Legolas' back.
It was as he made his latest discovery, a heavy frown setting upon his face, that Legolas stirred in his arms. Automatically stopping his roaming hands, Estel peered down at the slowly blinking eyes as he waited for the Elf to come around.
Legolas arched as he woke, a small moan escaping his lips as he stretched his now lazy muscles while wondering vaguely why he felt so warm. He was strangely tired and fully resolved to try and gain a little more rest when his slightly hazy mind identified something as being completely out of the ordinary. There was an arm around his waist...
His face set in horror and his body froze as he realized what must have happened. The happenings of last night came slamming back to him with disturbing clarity and, given his current position, he guessed that must have finally gotten the sleep that he so needed, only it was obviously in the wrong place.
This ruined everything! Normally it was easy. Take what he wanted and leave in the middle of the night - the person got the hint. But Estel...and like this. That was not good at all!
"Hello," Estel said quietly, effectively shattering any hope that Legolas had of the human not being awake or noticing his wakefulness.
Merely offering a grunt in return, Legolas quickly and almost embarrassingly pulled his arm out from the position around the human's neck and removed his other arm from across the others chest. Hoping against hope that, at his actions, Estel would follow suit and let go of his waist, Legolas was once again horrified to find that Estel, in all his aggravating glory, tightened his grip on him.
"Estel," Legolas exclaimed exasperatedly as he tried to pull the human's hands from his waist, "Estel, let go!"
"Why?" the human asked with a small, cheeky grin. "So that you can once again run away?"
"I do not run...now let me go!" Legolas protested as he forced himself into a sitting position, Estel's arms still wrapped around his waist as the human sat up with him. Growling softly in the back of his throat, Legolas shot a warning glare over his shoulder and tugged at the amazingly strong hands once again.
"Estel," he warned, only to have the human lean forward and place a small kiss to the back of his neck. Twisting out of the way as much as he could, Legolas growled yet again as he continued to try and shake the human off him. "Stop it!"
Seeing that he was getting nowhere, Estel decided to try a slightly different approach. "These," he said softly, one arm leaving the Elf's waist so that he could once again touch the old scars. At the soft touch, Legolas stiffened underneath him, his body going rigid as his breath caught. "Where are they from?"
"Stop..."
The pure desperation in the Elf's voice made Estel freeze in his tracks and his hand drop from Legolas' back. Glancing at the Elf's down turned face, he found himself once again gently stroking his hair in hopes of reassuring him. "I would never hurt you. But what are they-"
Before he had time to finish his question, Legolas had forcefully pulled himself out of Estel's arms and was already crossing the room, bundling up all of his discarded possessions. He roughly pushed his hair out of the way, pulled his shirt over his head and slipped on his boots, all the while painfully aware of the eyes that followed his every move. Deciding that his cloak, gauntlets and other such items could be carried, he avoided eye contact with the human as he walked towards the door, his head held uncharacteristically low.
"You do not need to go, you know," Estel said from the bed, stopping the Elf for only a moment. It was a pointless thing to do as Estel knew all too well that Legolas would never stay no matter what he said, but it was the thing that his mind told him to say.
"I know." Legolas stated simply before turning his gaze to Estel's for a mere moment, "It is not that I feel I have to go, but that I do not want to stay."
His words, so clipped and so cold were betrayed by the look in his eyes as he walked out the door. There was something about the way that they seemed to be void of any anger and yet were not emotionless as Estel had come to know. Just that one simple look was enough to tell Estel that there was something wrong - something that was a little worse then waking up in his room.
With a great sigh, Estel half leapt, half fell out of his bed as he dashed around to get his clothes, fully intent on following the Elf and dragging whatever it was that was making him act in such a way out of him no matter what the costs.
*****
As his door opened, Legolas did not even have to look up to know who it was. Drawing in a deep breath, he tried to still the shaking of his hands as he threw garments into his traveling bag, his back constantly to the human.
Estel watched as Legolas moved almost lethargically around the room, collecting items and throwing them to his bed before stuffing them within the confines of his deep green duffle bag. He seemed shaken; the human could see the slight trembling of the Elf's hands even from his seemingly disadvantaged point by the door. Deep down, Estel knew that this was not just a result of last night. Something else plagued the Elf, something that appeared to be more important then what had transpired between them. After all, what had actually sparked Legolas' actions?
"Legolas?" Estel finally dared to whisper, too scared to say anything and yet filled with too much worry to keep his silence. The fact that Legolas had not even acknowledged his presence worried him. Granted that it seemed to be a common occurrence with the Elven Prince, it still seemed wrong that now, of all times, Legolas would not look at him, let alone demand that Estel leave him alone.
"It was a mistake. It really was. I am sorry and...I have to go." Legolas murmured as he hurried his task up. It seemed almost painful to have the human in the room with him, as if Estel were slowly adding pressure to a blade that ran over his skin. The young mans gaze seemed to burn, scorching flesh and causing the imagined warm trickle that was easily identified as blood to run from invisible wounds. Legolas' hand shook like leaves caught in the fierce winds of autumn, his shoulders trembling slightly in a fashion that was utterly alien to him.
He hated it all. The fact that he could not control these reactions, that he felt the way he did and the fact that Estel still stood there, watching him with what Legolas knew would be a gaze close to understanding and concern. But most of all, he hated the fact that he did not know why he was like this. How could the young man have such an affect on him? Why did he care that whenever he looked to Estel he wondered if the human's life would suddenly be wrapped up in the darkest parts of Legolas' life; that Estel may find himself sinking so deeply in all that Legolas had done that the human's life might be placed in as much danger as Legolas' at the current point in time? Why did he care?
"It was a mistake," he mumbled again, still refusing to turn towards the human as he pushed a small pouch of herbs into his bag.
A step. Estel was moving forward, as much of a surprise to Legolas as it was to the human himself. All that Estel really knew, all that he was utterly certain of was that there was something seriously wrong with the Elf and yet something that he was not seeing. Something that he had been denied. That and the fact that as strong as Legolas wanted to make himself seem, even he had his limits, his boundaries - his breaking point - and, if the way his entire body shook with each movement, the way he found it difficult to do up the ties of the bag and the way that his head did not lift were signs that could be trusted, he was treacherously close to stepping over that dangerous line. Of passing that point of no return.
"It was no mistake," Estel said quietly, not wanting to scare the nervous being that fumbled with the opening of his pack.
Grunting in frustration, angry with both himself for being so weak and his pack for being so difficult, Legolas tried to ignore the soothing tones of the man's voice just as he attempted to push the fact that Estel was stepping closer from his mind. He had to do this; it was the only way that insured safety and perhaps even sanity. "Yes it-"
His whispered words of protest were cut off when hands closed around his own, arms slipping around his waist as the human gently pulled Legolas' shaking hands from the strings of the knapsack. The bag all but discarded, Estel made his movements deliberately slow, making sure that nothing that he did came as a surprise to the Elf that stood rigidly still between his arms.
Allowing his hands to ghost up Legolas' arms, the very tips of his fingers offering a light caress, Estel changed direction once he reached Legolas' elbows, his hands coming to the Elf's sides. Each hand gently fell upon either side of the slender waist of the unmoving being as the human's fingers sprayed out over the soft cloth and his thumbs draw small, calming circles.
As soon as Estel's hands graced up his arms, Legolas' eyes fluttered closed on their own accord. His lips slightly parted, he found his breath being drawn in a shaky half-gasps. It felt so strange; all of it did. Not to be in control, not to be able to deny himself anything to do with the one that he seemed to need. To feel the man's hands on him, acting so gently, so cautiously and soothingly while they moved as if they had a mind of their own. All he wanted to do was succumb to that touch, render to that deep longing in his heart and actually allow himself this one flaw, this one weakness.
Estel's hands tightened ever so slightly as his fingers crept across the material, gaining a better hold so that he could turn the Elf in his arms. Too obsessed with his own inner conflict, Legolas complied, submitting to that tender caress and bending to Estel's wants, all the while with his eyes tightly shut as if he believed that if he could not see it, it was not real.
Faced with the Prince for the first time, Estel peered down at the closed eyes, the parted lips and the soft flush that coloured Legolas' otherwise pale flesh as he searched for the right words. "Legolas, talk to me." He gently urged, his arms moving on their own accord to close around the Elf's waist and held him close.
"What?" Legolas asked with his eyes still firmly closed as he battled within him self; to surrender or to pretend that these tender touches did not exist. Just a fragment of an over worked and stressed mind. Yet Estel's words had startled him, caused him to want to lift the lids of his eyes and risk revealing the emotions that played through his mind in the startling blue depths.
Estel could see it all. See the struggle within the Elf, the terror that held such a strong grip on his consciousness and the desperate yearning to run and hide that his closed eyes betrayed. "Talk to me," he finally repeated, "whatever it is that you are keeping hidden away in there," he moved one of his hands up and in front of him, touching the tips of his fingers lightly to Legolas' heart before doing the same to the Elf's temple. "Tell me."
He wanted to scream at his own weakness, at the fact that all he wanted to do was allow him legs to turn to water and to collapse into the caring embrace of the human before him; of the human that threatened so dangerously to shatter his outer walls. But it was pure folly! Utter stupidity and a notion that should not have been conceived let alone contemplated.
All his life he had never found any reason to feel this way - so vulnerable - and there was no logical reason for him to start experiencing it now. If anything, now was the time that he should be strong, after all, he had most of Middle-Earths assassins after his head. He needed to be clear of mind, free of all bourdons and Estel was definitely a troublesome bourdon and a distraction of the mind.
Resolve setting in, his mind finally back in control even it if meant the breaking of his heart, Legolas lifted his previously dead limbs up, his hands clasping about Estel's elbows. Pushing back at the human, Legolas took a moment to make sure that all that he thought of was the fact that he was fine before he opened his eyes, glaring directly into the humans.
"Th-there's nothing to tell...!" he said as he started to push Estel away, hoping that the false determined look in his eyes would be enough to make Estel back down.
Seeing the Elf try to push him away with both his hands and his eyes, Estel decided that it was high time he stopped playing the compliant one, even if it included being as brash as he had been the first day they had met. With his hands tightening around the skin they held - one around Legolas' waist and the other around his right arm - Estel pushed the Elf forcefully backwards until the archers back hit against the wall of the room. Pressing himself against Legolas, Estel pinned the Elf's strong right arm to the wall as he pulled Legolas' middle closer to him, his right arm looped right around the Prince's middle.
The move caught Legolas utterly unprepared and before he knew it, he found himself effectively trapped between Estel's body and the wall with no way out. Automatically he started to struggle, pushing against the human with his free hand and trying to use his feet to create some legroom from the wall. But Estel held fast, his grip tight enough to keep the Elf in his trapped place and yet not firm enough to hurt.
"Let me go!" Legolas demanded only to immediately regret it as his voice become more of a desperate plea then his normally study commands.
His head leaning down and in so that he could press his forehead against the Elf's keeping Legolas from looking away, Estel peered into the fretful blue eyes and asked, "What are you so afraid of?"
Shaking his head loose, Legolas looked to the right, breaking the fierce gaze as quickly as he could. How was it that Estel could see through all that which no one else could? If there was not actually something that Legolas was afraid of, that mere fact alone would have terrified him.
"Talk to me." Again his voice was gentle, concerned despite the compromising and threatening position. His eyes tried to search out the Elf's but the attempt proved to be futile as Legolas dipped his head down and strained his neck to the right. With the threat of losing this more venerable side of Legolas any moment, Estel pressed against the archer a little tighter, bringing his lips down to ghost across Legolas' neck as he once again pleaded, "Please..."
"I...its just..." Legolas stumbled over his words. He did not want to say anything, did not want to talk to this over assumptive human who dared to think that he could control him, and yet his voice seemed to be working under its own agenda. Words were forming, slipping past his tongue and through his parted lips all without his consent and in an incoherent blabber. "I....it is everything...I..."
Legolas knew that within a heartbeat he was about to tell Estel; about to reveal all that he had worked so hard to keep concealed. He felt as if he could not stop it, could not delay that which was unavoidable.
And so he did what he always did when that overwhelming flood of helplessness, fear or even the slightest hint of uncertainty crept upon him. He retreated; fled deep into himself and allowed that seemingly wiser, stronger and nigh on untouchable part of him take over. Once again the prince of Mirkwood stood back, making way for that ruthless, instinct driven side of him that would never tell, would never run the risk of crumbling in the man's arms.
The change was almost instantaneous. His once bowed head snapped up, his eyes flashing with anger and danger as they locked fearsomely onto Estel's. Legolas' arms moved on their own - unbidden and without thought - to come up between the restraining ones of Estel's. In one swift movement, Legolas had hooked his elbows over Estel's arms and, after yanking down, freed himself of the others grasp. With one solid and forceful push, he sent the young human wheeling back as the Elf spat, "I do not want to tell you!"
Estel had known that something like this would happen for some a while; he had merely been gifted with borrowed time and, as the hateful glare in Legolas' eyes suggested, he had not used it properly. He had failed in breaking the Elf down and now the price would be costly.
"Legolas..." he tried to reason, taking a step forward only to have the dark loathing in the Elf's eyes glow brighter.
"No!" Although only one word, it spoke volumes. Whatever it was that had changed his demeanor, Estel had to face the fact that it was fully set in.
"You need me." Estel finally stated as his desperation and stubborn reversal to give in saw to it that he was finally scraping the bottom of the barrel. But deep inside he knew the truth - one look at the Elf could prove that. Anything that they had shared - should have shared - as a result of the night before was lost. Scattered to the wind and never to return. Estel would not be given even the slightest chance to get close to Legolas again, not after this confrontation, and, it was with a sinking heart, that the human forced himself to admit that Legolas was as good as utterly lost. There was nothing more that Estel could try to do.
"Do not flatter yourself!" Already Estel could hear the harsh, clipped and bitter tones creeping back into the Elf's voice, a sure sign that he had well and truly reverted to his practically unapproachable self.
"I am not," Estel continued, not willing to surrender so easily. It was fruitless, he knew that, but somewhere deep inside he still cling to the hope that if he but scratched the surface, caused a ripple on that cold exterior, he may just be able to slip past the harsh words and find that confused and frightened Elf that had come to him last night. "I told you once before, I can see it in your eyes. You need someone to talk to and at the moment, whether you want to admit it or not, that someone is me. You want to tell me why you are like this, what you are so afraid of."
"Do not be absurd!" Legolas laughed at him as he finally moved from his position against the wall and shoved his way past Estel. "I am afraid of nothing and I most certainly do not need you!" Even with his back turned, Estel could picture the look on the others face, that tight jaw, the slightly narrowed and darkened eyes and that condescending tone playing at the contours of his face.
"I am not-"
"Estel, you are a fool!" Legolas interjected as he swung around, glaring the human down yet again as he stopped the man before he could say anything else which Legolas did not wish to hear - could not hear. "You are blinded by what you think is something which it clearly is not. So do not speak words of love and understanding, or even of need when you know naught of the sort, especially in regards to me!"
"Legolas if you would but give me a chance, so that I could speak such which even you would believe; that you would know to be true!"
"Why do you still refuse to understand?" Legolas yelled, disregarding the others pleading to be heard. The Elf's face was a strange shade of red, his eyes narrowed and seemingly penetrating the human's very soul as if he were stabbing him with shards of ice. "How can you be so blind to the real point? Last night was a mistake, Estel, a careless action on my part! I do not want you, Estel. I do not want to be with you, to render everything that I have to *you*! You mean NOTHING," Legolas avowed with distaste, his ears starting to colour in retrospect to his face. At the look which swept across the human's face, Legolas allowed himself a single moment to regain some of his compositor and to calm him voice to more of a gentle gushing admission of his vague feelings. "Why will you not understand that? Speak not of love and any such folly akin to it for I do not wish to hear it!"
Estel recoiled a step, as if the words had physically slapped him across the face. Tongue darting out to place a sweeping lick across his lips, Estel bowed his head and dropped his gaze, letting the Elf's words truly wash over him.
They stood in silence for a small eternity, each lost in their own thoughts. Amidst the yelling and screaming they had moved further apart, Estel standing closer to the door and Legolas back near the raised dais of his bed. But now, once the echoes of the hate filled words had ceased, a strange calm crept its way over them, settling like a dark cloud above both their heads and weighing their spirits down even further.
Finally it was Estel who broke the silence, his heart and mind telling him to say something and yet neither sure on what. Glancing up at the Elf, he regarded Legolas with a cold and yet almost emotionless gaze. Nothing could be deduced from his usually expressive eyes and the unstrained line of his lips hinted at neither hurt nor anger. He was just oddly calm; like a still brook which remained untouched and undisturbed by the world around it.
"You know what Legolas," he started, his voice as calm as his face appeared to be. The tones did not tremble, did not swell with emotion and were not spat out with hatred. They were just words spoken into the silence of the room, haunting and emotionless and verbalized as if Legolas was not even there. "I should have realized this the first day that I met you. Remember, you were alone in the gardens? You were alone because no one wanted to be around you. Yes, you are beautiful, Valar only knows that you are and that could have anyone and anything you wanted by just flashing that smile." He paused for a moment in thought, half expecting Legolas to interrupt, to protest against the evaluation, but the Elf remained dolefully silent, his head bowed as he took in the words. "Perhaps...perhaps the reason you do not wish to hear words of love is because you know that no one could ever *really* love you. Not real love; nothing pure because you are bitter, cynical, self-righteous and cold."
Estel expected Legolas to fly into a rage, to once again yell and shout out his protests, but the Elf remained still and with his head bowed. Again there was silence between them as the clouds above their heads swelled and churned, darkening and pressing closer upon both their hearts and minds.
"Get out..." Legolas finally whispered while not even lifting his eyes from the floor as he quietly commanded the human to leave. He was through with shouting, with the arguments and the hate enforced words - all he wanted was to be left alone.
"With pleasure," Estel muttered. His eyes were closed off and unrevealing, not even holding that half hidden sense of mocking that they usual did when he fought with the Elf. Once again bowing his head, Estel turning slowly and almost lethargically and made his way to the door. He opened it, walked through and allowed the door to close softly behind him without so much as a backward glance or a single sound as he left the Elf alone.
Legolas stood ridged and still, unable to move and not wanting to even if he could. Vacant eyes started to the floor as his mind was overthrown, swarmed by the darkness of his own thoughts and pulled into uncertainty. He had never felt so confused, so conflicted within in his entire life.
He could feel that sense of rebellion rising up in him, the telltale sign that the ruthless assassin in him wanted to release some of the pent up anger. And yet, at the same time, there was that quieter part of him, that part that begged him to just stop for once. To just collapse and try to shield his head and heart from all his thoughts and emotions. His head felt like the crowded common room of some busy tavern; thoughts and alien feelings making themselves know in the worst of ways possible. He wanted to hate Estel, wanted to listen to him, wanted to hurt him, be rid of him and yet he longed to be close, to see that look in the human's eyes that Legolas could never quite place. No, most of all he wanted the human to leave him alone. To allow him to stay to his own devices and to remain as he always had; unfeeling, 'cold' as Estel had put it.
That was the truth. That was his heart speaking for once; not those instincts that made him a killer or that voice in his head that made him want to repent. It was his heart that wanted to be alone, that wanted Estel to be out of his life so that he would not have to feel like this ever again. Never felt so confused, so frightened, hurt and alone. That was it. He only felt alone now because of Estel. Because of the fact that the human had not left him alone and the way that Legolas had in turn used him. After all, the only way one can be alone is after they have been left behind or forgotten.
A long, labored sigh passed over his lips as his hands rose to press against the sides of his temples. His head pounded, his eyes were slightly blurry and his stomach churned as his head whirled as if he had been spinning on the spot for a great length of time. His fingers moved from his temples to press against his eyes in an attempt to get the strange nauseous feel to stop when the sound of his door bursting open diverted his dizzy head from its own lamentation.
Perplexed, cloudy eyes full of inquiry lifted from the floor and wandered slowly to the door where they fell upon a sight that saw the Elf's jaw tighten, his eyes blink and his body stiffen. The first thing that he saw was Estel, held limply between two large men and with a small trail of blood seeping from his right temple. Then he saw the others behind them - about six in total and all heavily armed - before his eyes finally fell upon the psychotically grinning man that lead the group, standing in the front and middle of the pack.
"Surprise!" Verdox sung out as his smile grew wider.
*****
To be continued...
*****
Next chapter preview:
"Ah, finally," Verdox exclaimed with a triumphant smile. "The great and powerful Legolas brought to his knees before me." His voice was scolding and patronizing as he looked down at the restrained Elf with contempt. "And all due to some stupid human - ironic, do you not think?"
Later on:
Propping himself up against the tree, Legolas looked out to the horizon as he closed his hand around the shaft of the arrow. Concentrating on clearing his mind of anything but that beautiful sky, he took a deep swig from his flask of ale and, on the mental count of three, snapped the shaft at the beginning of his skin.
*****
Replies to Reviews:
For the sake of keeping this short - has anyone else noticed that they are starting to rival the chapter for length...I talk too much - I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed and please, if I do not personally reply, do not think, not for an instant, that your review was not appreciated. I love them all and am greatly honored to receive them. So thank you all!!
Ok...
Bruised Lady: The 'black Velvet' thing was from the song by Alannah Myles called, strangely enough 'Black Velvet'. I had it stuck in my head when I wrote it, so I just included a few of the lyrics. It is an old song, but a good one - at least in my opinion.
Addict: I am sorry that 'my type and I' put you through so much stress...guess you went grey over the end of this chapter.... ;) but in my own defense, tender happiness is not my thing and I think I did say it somewhere... oh, you are on holidays...? Well then, I guess you won't see this until you get back so let me say that I hope you had a good time! Lol, thank you, though I must admit that I am actually rather scared of my imagination - I should not let it out so often (plus the little bitch bites when I try to stuff it back in its cage). The Mistress of Pain? Who, may I ask, is that? *wonders if she needs to fight someone else for her throne of 'pointless torture and hurt'* And yes, Legolas as kick ass, independent assassin does have a slight appeal to it... LMAO! Why does everyone think that poor old Estel has some greater, sinister purpose in all this???? Oh, more deprived childhood people! YAY!!! We should unite!
Z: So Legolas is going around being crazy killer/assassin and you are worried about Estel being out of character? LOL! Fair enough. But yes, Estel is a little more childish in the story because, well, he is much younger then the Aragorn that you all know and, well, I like him better if he has more quirks and is a little less serious. Sorry about that.
Tainted Fortune: Yes, Legolas is very conflicted within himself, that is why, as the story goes on, you will be able to see little changes - he using Estel was one of those. It wasn't expected? YAY! I still have the element of surprise! Oh, there are far too many lovey-dovey slash stories out there!! What happened to the good old slash where the characters were still strong and yet full of angst?
Ihni: Lol, if you look close, you will find many mistakes! But yes, you are right and, once again, I remind you that I am not a good dictionary for you as I can not spell! Oh, Elf pain is coming - believe me - it was just that I could not hurt him there else he would not be capable of later adventures... Oh, it is for the best! But I do agree with you, I hate romance in stories and it is only with the Legolas/Aragorn slash pair that I can even think about putting in even the smallest touch of 'love' and said shite! Lol. Oh 'jam' - such wisdom...Jam (v) 1a. squeeze, cram, or wedge into a space. B. become wedged. 2. cause (machinery etc.) to become wedged...need I really go on??? Lol, there, that was your human dictionary talking...
Rosie: *Uses fishing rod to reel you I further* ;) I am glad that you liked it and thank you so much for leaving a comment - it really makes my day! Where is it going? Well, at the moment, it is all over the place! Lol. I have far too many thoughts and only a limited window to get them all into. But I hope that no one will see the ending coming...
Analia: LOL! I am glad that someone picked up on the strange choice of song...
I too was looking forward to Legolas' escape from Rivendell, but at the time the damn muses refused to help me out so I was forced to do it the way you read it. As to what happens when he comes back...well, you will see next chapter and the chapter after that... though, once again, you are there giving me all these ideas and I am here thinking 'now why the hell didn't I do that?' LOL
Oh, it is wonderful writing the fight scenes. Far too much fun for a sadistic person like me! I too have always wanted to be an assassin - thought it would be so cool! But yes, I hate seeing Legolas get his ass kicked - I love to see him in pain, get tortured etc, etc, but I do not like to see him *try* to fight and end up being saved by Aragorn... that annoys me more then anything! A little bit of Zorro? Where? Lol, I like that movie...sort of...depends on my mood! Lol. And remorse is fun...sometimes... I am sorry if you were disappointed about the 'not-in- control' Legolas and the end scene. I was really iffy about it myself, but I needed something to set all this up and, well, I am not a romantic, so personally I thought it woul be much more fun (and better eliminate any chances of it turning into some sappy thing) if Legolas just used him. ;)
Exrated: I am sorry if you are upset, but writing said nighttime scene is not my specialty, and something that is, for all of our sanity (or lack there of) left out. And I am trying very hard not to 'fade to black'!!
Ivorybrowneyes: Glad you liked! As for the Elf clones, I refuse to hand over my Elrohir. As I said, you can have Elladan... *offers you Elf* or, here, have Figwit and Meorof (yes...my friend and I created Meorof - Mystery Elf on Right of Figwit...we have issues...)
Rabbit of Iron: Ick...rugby... and shield Legolas keeps falling over...useless unbalanced Elf...lol! Oh, but he is still insanly fun! And there will be more chapters like that...I think.
lego 4ever: Thank you! I am honored that you took the time to review.
Eddie Uwnhai: The Elf thing was something that was drummed into my head by my first beta and, well, it has stuck and is a case of you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I kinda like it in a way - proves that they are above everyone else as they get a capital... Moving on, once again thank you for the corrections - I am hoping to have the time to actually go through and change them all soon...just need to get through these exams. But yes, it is kinda sad, and I hoped that the silence and kind of defeat that hung above them at the end of this chapter helps to prove that. See them happy!? HA!!!
Sirithiliel: Let's corrupt them all!!!! But oh, that sounds fun...like, Legolas goes to help him by giving him the end of a branch to hold on to, but the Elf misses and instead uses the branch to push his head under water??? *eyes light up* Ok, now I am just confused...Legolas went back to Rivendell and to Estel's room, where he used him, thus ending the last chapter. Where were you? Lol - sorry, it is late so I am obviously missing something important here... ;)
Iara: I am very happy that you liked it!
CareLess: Once again, there was not much sarcasm this chapter...sorry about that. There may be some next, then probably none the chapter after that, BUT, after that it will be back into full swing. We just hit the more serious middle climax of the story so it is hard to put any in there. and yes, Legolas has some serious issues - most of which will probably never be worked out... oh, you are good - with his feelings being his downfall...they will rip him apart! Hahahahaha! 'A twisted, psychological puzzle'? Wow, I like it! Lol. But that is what I am hoping to get across, and even more so as we near this part of the story...fun fun! Lol - the Halloween party was great - had a blast. Again, I have to ask if you are a mind reader as I went as a bit of a slutty gothic dominatrix... Fun times, I say! LOL!
Silvertoekee: AHHH! I SO want to see Kill Bill, but I am not old enough! I can't get in! I mean, look at what I write - what MY mind comes up with and yet stupid rating people sit there and say that such a movie is not suitable for someone of my age! RUBBISH! Grrrr! ...sorry about that... and oh, you know, you are the only person to mention something about what Legolas was writing...hehe... at this point in time, Legolas does not know about Estel's true identity but I am guessing that that will come out sooner or later... Yes, I want to show that Aragorn was not always so...dirty..? Lol, no, seriously, I want him to have his other side; his more childish side. And yes, lots of candy was eaten...argh...Lol.
*****
Ok, once again, to anyone that I did not personally thank, I'll take this time to once again say THANK YOU!
All right, that is all from me. I hope you enjoyed it and I shall see you all next week!
Minka.
Anyway, I am sorry about the delay but as I said, I was busy last weekend (Halloween party was great!!!!) and then I had tones that I needed to sort out this week just passed that I just did not have the time. But the next chapter is here now, so it is all good. Surprisingly, although we all thought that it would never happen, this is a bit of a shorter chapter - not intentionally - it was just a matter of where things needed to be cut off and where they needed to begin. But yes, a little shorter then most, but I hope you still enjoy it.
Also, sorry for any mistakes as I have hardly read over this chapter - it has been a bitch of a thing to write and now I fully intend on going to bed. It was either post it like this or make you all wait another day...
*****
The Thrill of the Chase
Chapter Eight
Precautious Equilibrium
*****
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge
And I'm thinkin'
Maybe six feet ain't so far down
*****
As his eyes slowly adjusted, Estel felt his senses returned to him and his mind clear. With startling clarity he recalled the night before and the aggressive Elf, thus explaining the warm body pressed against his. Eyes wandering down, the human struggled to make out the details of the Elven prince in the dim light. Morning had not yet fully approached, though the sun was well on her way as the moon retreated behind the horizon.
Legolas was curled on his side, the Elf's head resting on Estel's chest as his hair formed a small curtain down the side of the man's body. One arm was looped around Estel's shoulders, the slender wrist and hand lost somewhere within the folds of the large pillows behind the human's head while the other pale limb lay draped carelessly over the man's stomach. Estel himself had already noticed the way that his right arm was wrapped almost protectively around the Elf's slim waist and how his other had been holding onto Legolas' right shoulder, keeping the Elf thoroughly pressed against him in his sleep.
At the sight, a small smile passed over Estel's lips. He liked this, having the slightly glowing beauty in his bed and arms when he awoke in the morning and it was slightly relieving that he had not snuck off during the night. Granted that he did not know Legolas all that well, he did know however that the Elven prince did not seem to be the type to form attachments, especially of this kind.
It was so strange. Estel knew that this would not last, that it was just a lapse in the Elf's state of mind and obviously caused by something plaguing him, but a that very moment, he was prepared to disregard all of that and just smile. He was content to just look down at those open and yet unseeing eyes, the face that was for once peaceful and that stream of golden hair and all he wanted to do - all he could do - was smile.
Gently, he ran his fingers through the cascade of gold which flowed down the others back and shoulders, Estel worked tenderly at the small tangles that had formed during the night. Pushing some of the longer strands away, Estel felt his fingers come in contact with something rough on the skin of the Elf's otherwise flawless back. He peered through the dark, moving his head a little closer as he removed all of the silky curtain, as he allowed his hand to trail gently over the strange marks, using his sense of touch more so then sight to confirm his already growing suspicions.
There were many of them, curling around the archers shoulder blades and stretching down the length of his back. They were long, thin, pale and latticed; a design that Estel knew far too well for his liking. They were the aftereffect of numerous brutal kisses from a whip, and, judging by the amount and the gathered scar tissue, a serious beating. Even more obvious to that fact was the knowledge that Elves did not scar easily. As his hands traveled further he found that the scars ran for longer then he expected some reaching even as far down as the small of Legolas' back.
It was as he made his latest discovery, a heavy frown setting upon his face, that Legolas stirred in his arms. Automatically stopping his roaming hands, Estel peered down at the slowly blinking eyes as he waited for the Elf to come around.
Legolas arched as he woke, a small moan escaping his lips as he stretched his now lazy muscles while wondering vaguely why he felt so warm. He was strangely tired and fully resolved to try and gain a little more rest when his slightly hazy mind identified something as being completely out of the ordinary. There was an arm around his waist...
His face set in horror and his body froze as he realized what must have happened. The happenings of last night came slamming back to him with disturbing clarity and, given his current position, he guessed that must have finally gotten the sleep that he so needed, only it was obviously in the wrong place.
This ruined everything! Normally it was easy. Take what he wanted and leave in the middle of the night - the person got the hint. But Estel...and like this. That was not good at all!
"Hello," Estel said quietly, effectively shattering any hope that Legolas had of the human not being awake or noticing his wakefulness.
Merely offering a grunt in return, Legolas quickly and almost embarrassingly pulled his arm out from the position around the human's neck and removed his other arm from across the others chest. Hoping against hope that, at his actions, Estel would follow suit and let go of his waist, Legolas was once again horrified to find that Estel, in all his aggravating glory, tightened his grip on him.
"Estel," Legolas exclaimed exasperatedly as he tried to pull the human's hands from his waist, "Estel, let go!"
"Why?" the human asked with a small, cheeky grin. "So that you can once again run away?"
"I do not run...now let me go!" Legolas protested as he forced himself into a sitting position, Estel's arms still wrapped around his waist as the human sat up with him. Growling softly in the back of his throat, Legolas shot a warning glare over his shoulder and tugged at the amazingly strong hands once again.
"Estel," he warned, only to have the human lean forward and place a small kiss to the back of his neck. Twisting out of the way as much as he could, Legolas growled yet again as he continued to try and shake the human off him. "Stop it!"
Seeing that he was getting nowhere, Estel decided to try a slightly different approach. "These," he said softly, one arm leaving the Elf's waist so that he could once again touch the old scars. At the soft touch, Legolas stiffened underneath him, his body going rigid as his breath caught. "Where are they from?"
"Stop..."
The pure desperation in the Elf's voice made Estel freeze in his tracks and his hand drop from Legolas' back. Glancing at the Elf's down turned face, he found himself once again gently stroking his hair in hopes of reassuring him. "I would never hurt you. But what are they-"
Before he had time to finish his question, Legolas had forcefully pulled himself out of Estel's arms and was already crossing the room, bundling up all of his discarded possessions. He roughly pushed his hair out of the way, pulled his shirt over his head and slipped on his boots, all the while painfully aware of the eyes that followed his every move. Deciding that his cloak, gauntlets and other such items could be carried, he avoided eye contact with the human as he walked towards the door, his head held uncharacteristically low.
"You do not need to go, you know," Estel said from the bed, stopping the Elf for only a moment. It was a pointless thing to do as Estel knew all too well that Legolas would never stay no matter what he said, but it was the thing that his mind told him to say.
"I know." Legolas stated simply before turning his gaze to Estel's for a mere moment, "It is not that I feel I have to go, but that I do not want to stay."
His words, so clipped and so cold were betrayed by the look in his eyes as he walked out the door. There was something about the way that they seemed to be void of any anger and yet were not emotionless as Estel had come to know. Just that one simple look was enough to tell Estel that there was something wrong - something that was a little worse then waking up in his room.
With a great sigh, Estel half leapt, half fell out of his bed as he dashed around to get his clothes, fully intent on following the Elf and dragging whatever it was that was making him act in such a way out of him no matter what the costs.
*****
As his door opened, Legolas did not even have to look up to know who it was. Drawing in a deep breath, he tried to still the shaking of his hands as he threw garments into his traveling bag, his back constantly to the human.
Estel watched as Legolas moved almost lethargically around the room, collecting items and throwing them to his bed before stuffing them within the confines of his deep green duffle bag. He seemed shaken; the human could see the slight trembling of the Elf's hands even from his seemingly disadvantaged point by the door. Deep down, Estel knew that this was not just a result of last night. Something else plagued the Elf, something that appeared to be more important then what had transpired between them. After all, what had actually sparked Legolas' actions?
"Legolas?" Estel finally dared to whisper, too scared to say anything and yet filled with too much worry to keep his silence. The fact that Legolas had not even acknowledged his presence worried him. Granted that it seemed to be a common occurrence with the Elven Prince, it still seemed wrong that now, of all times, Legolas would not look at him, let alone demand that Estel leave him alone.
"It was a mistake. It really was. I am sorry and...I have to go." Legolas murmured as he hurried his task up. It seemed almost painful to have the human in the room with him, as if Estel were slowly adding pressure to a blade that ran over his skin. The young mans gaze seemed to burn, scorching flesh and causing the imagined warm trickle that was easily identified as blood to run from invisible wounds. Legolas' hand shook like leaves caught in the fierce winds of autumn, his shoulders trembling slightly in a fashion that was utterly alien to him.
He hated it all. The fact that he could not control these reactions, that he felt the way he did and the fact that Estel still stood there, watching him with what Legolas knew would be a gaze close to understanding and concern. But most of all, he hated the fact that he did not know why he was like this. How could the young man have such an affect on him? Why did he care that whenever he looked to Estel he wondered if the human's life would suddenly be wrapped up in the darkest parts of Legolas' life; that Estel may find himself sinking so deeply in all that Legolas had done that the human's life might be placed in as much danger as Legolas' at the current point in time? Why did he care?
"It was a mistake," he mumbled again, still refusing to turn towards the human as he pushed a small pouch of herbs into his bag.
A step. Estel was moving forward, as much of a surprise to Legolas as it was to the human himself. All that Estel really knew, all that he was utterly certain of was that there was something seriously wrong with the Elf and yet something that he was not seeing. Something that he had been denied. That and the fact that as strong as Legolas wanted to make himself seem, even he had his limits, his boundaries - his breaking point - and, if the way his entire body shook with each movement, the way he found it difficult to do up the ties of the bag and the way that his head did not lift were signs that could be trusted, he was treacherously close to stepping over that dangerous line. Of passing that point of no return.
"It was no mistake," Estel said quietly, not wanting to scare the nervous being that fumbled with the opening of his pack.
Grunting in frustration, angry with both himself for being so weak and his pack for being so difficult, Legolas tried to ignore the soothing tones of the man's voice just as he attempted to push the fact that Estel was stepping closer from his mind. He had to do this; it was the only way that insured safety and perhaps even sanity. "Yes it-"
His whispered words of protest were cut off when hands closed around his own, arms slipping around his waist as the human gently pulled Legolas' shaking hands from the strings of the knapsack. The bag all but discarded, Estel made his movements deliberately slow, making sure that nothing that he did came as a surprise to the Elf that stood rigidly still between his arms.
Allowing his hands to ghost up Legolas' arms, the very tips of his fingers offering a light caress, Estel changed direction once he reached Legolas' elbows, his hands coming to the Elf's sides. Each hand gently fell upon either side of the slender waist of the unmoving being as the human's fingers sprayed out over the soft cloth and his thumbs draw small, calming circles.
As soon as Estel's hands graced up his arms, Legolas' eyes fluttered closed on their own accord. His lips slightly parted, he found his breath being drawn in a shaky half-gasps. It felt so strange; all of it did. Not to be in control, not to be able to deny himself anything to do with the one that he seemed to need. To feel the man's hands on him, acting so gently, so cautiously and soothingly while they moved as if they had a mind of their own. All he wanted to do was succumb to that touch, render to that deep longing in his heart and actually allow himself this one flaw, this one weakness.
Estel's hands tightened ever so slightly as his fingers crept across the material, gaining a better hold so that he could turn the Elf in his arms. Too obsessed with his own inner conflict, Legolas complied, submitting to that tender caress and bending to Estel's wants, all the while with his eyes tightly shut as if he believed that if he could not see it, it was not real.
Faced with the Prince for the first time, Estel peered down at the closed eyes, the parted lips and the soft flush that coloured Legolas' otherwise pale flesh as he searched for the right words. "Legolas, talk to me." He gently urged, his arms moving on their own accord to close around the Elf's waist and held him close.
"What?" Legolas asked with his eyes still firmly closed as he battled within him self; to surrender or to pretend that these tender touches did not exist. Just a fragment of an over worked and stressed mind. Yet Estel's words had startled him, caused him to want to lift the lids of his eyes and risk revealing the emotions that played through his mind in the startling blue depths.
Estel could see it all. See the struggle within the Elf, the terror that held such a strong grip on his consciousness and the desperate yearning to run and hide that his closed eyes betrayed. "Talk to me," he finally repeated, "whatever it is that you are keeping hidden away in there," he moved one of his hands up and in front of him, touching the tips of his fingers lightly to Legolas' heart before doing the same to the Elf's temple. "Tell me."
He wanted to scream at his own weakness, at the fact that all he wanted to do was allow him legs to turn to water and to collapse into the caring embrace of the human before him; of the human that threatened so dangerously to shatter his outer walls. But it was pure folly! Utter stupidity and a notion that should not have been conceived let alone contemplated.
All his life he had never found any reason to feel this way - so vulnerable - and there was no logical reason for him to start experiencing it now. If anything, now was the time that he should be strong, after all, he had most of Middle-Earths assassins after his head. He needed to be clear of mind, free of all bourdons and Estel was definitely a troublesome bourdon and a distraction of the mind.
Resolve setting in, his mind finally back in control even it if meant the breaking of his heart, Legolas lifted his previously dead limbs up, his hands clasping about Estel's elbows. Pushing back at the human, Legolas took a moment to make sure that all that he thought of was the fact that he was fine before he opened his eyes, glaring directly into the humans.
"Th-there's nothing to tell...!" he said as he started to push Estel away, hoping that the false determined look in his eyes would be enough to make Estel back down.
Seeing the Elf try to push him away with both his hands and his eyes, Estel decided that it was high time he stopped playing the compliant one, even if it included being as brash as he had been the first day they had met. With his hands tightening around the skin they held - one around Legolas' waist and the other around his right arm - Estel pushed the Elf forcefully backwards until the archers back hit against the wall of the room. Pressing himself against Legolas, Estel pinned the Elf's strong right arm to the wall as he pulled Legolas' middle closer to him, his right arm looped right around the Prince's middle.
The move caught Legolas utterly unprepared and before he knew it, he found himself effectively trapped between Estel's body and the wall with no way out. Automatically he started to struggle, pushing against the human with his free hand and trying to use his feet to create some legroom from the wall. But Estel held fast, his grip tight enough to keep the Elf in his trapped place and yet not firm enough to hurt.
"Let me go!" Legolas demanded only to immediately regret it as his voice become more of a desperate plea then his normally study commands.
His head leaning down and in so that he could press his forehead against the Elf's keeping Legolas from looking away, Estel peered into the fretful blue eyes and asked, "What are you so afraid of?"
Shaking his head loose, Legolas looked to the right, breaking the fierce gaze as quickly as he could. How was it that Estel could see through all that which no one else could? If there was not actually something that Legolas was afraid of, that mere fact alone would have terrified him.
"Talk to me." Again his voice was gentle, concerned despite the compromising and threatening position. His eyes tried to search out the Elf's but the attempt proved to be futile as Legolas dipped his head down and strained his neck to the right. With the threat of losing this more venerable side of Legolas any moment, Estel pressed against the archer a little tighter, bringing his lips down to ghost across Legolas' neck as he once again pleaded, "Please..."
"I...its just..." Legolas stumbled over his words. He did not want to say anything, did not want to talk to this over assumptive human who dared to think that he could control him, and yet his voice seemed to be working under its own agenda. Words were forming, slipping past his tongue and through his parted lips all without his consent and in an incoherent blabber. "I....it is everything...I..."
Legolas knew that within a heartbeat he was about to tell Estel; about to reveal all that he had worked so hard to keep concealed. He felt as if he could not stop it, could not delay that which was unavoidable.
And so he did what he always did when that overwhelming flood of helplessness, fear or even the slightest hint of uncertainty crept upon him. He retreated; fled deep into himself and allowed that seemingly wiser, stronger and nigh on untouchable part of him take over. Once again the prince of Mirkwood stood back, making way for that ruthless, instinct driven side of him that would never tell, would never run the risk of crumbling in the man's arms.
The change was almost instantaneous. His once bowed head snapped up, his eyes flashing with anger and danger as they locked fearsomely onto Estel's. Legolas' arms moved on their own - unbidden and without thought - to come up between the restraining ones of Estel's. In one swift movement, Legolas had hooked his elbows over Estel's arms and, after yanking down, freed himself of the others grasp. With one solid and forceful push, he sent the young human wheeling back as the Elf spat, "I do not want to tell you!"
Estel had known that something like this would happen for some a while; he had merely been gifted with borrowed time and, as the hateful glare in Legolas' eyes suggested, he had not used it properly. He had failed in breaking the Elf down and now the price would be costly.
"Legolas..." he tried to reason, taking a step forward only to have the dark loathing in the Elf's eyes glow brighter.
"No!" Although only one word, it spoke volumes. Whatever it was that had changed his demeanor, Estel had to face the fact that it was fully set in.
"You need me." Estel finally stated as his desperation and stubborn reversal to give in saw to it that he was finally scraping the bottom of the barrel. But deep inside he knew the truth - one look at the Elf could prove that. Anything that they had shared - should have shared - as a result of the night before was lost. Scattered to the wind and never to return. Estel would not be given even the slightest chance to get close to Legolas again, not after this confrontation, and, it was with a sinking heart, that the human forced himself to admit that Legolas was as good as utterly lost. There was nothing more that Estel could try to do.
"Do not flatter yourself!" Already Estel could hear the harsh, clipped and bitter tones creeping back into the Elf's voice, a sure sign that he had well and truly reverted to his practically unapproachable self.
"I am not," Estel continued, not willing to surrender so easily. It was fruitless, he knew that, but somewhere deep inside he still cling to the hope that if he but scratched the surface, caused a ripple on that cold exterior, he may just be able to slip past the harsh words and find that confused and frightened Elf that had come to him last night. "I told you once before, I can see it in your eyes. You need someone to talk to and at the moment, whether you want to admit it or not, that someone is me. You want to tell me why you are like this, what you are so afraid of."
"Do not be absurd!" Legolas laughed at him as he finally moved from his position against the wall and shoved his way past Estel. "I am afraid of nothing and I most certainly do not need you!" Even with his back turned, Estel could picture the look on the others face, that tight jaw, the slightly narrowed and darkened eyes and that condescending tone playing at the contours of his face.
"I am not-"
"Estel, you are a fool!" Legolas interjected as he swung around, glaring the human down yet again as he stopped the man before he could say anything else which Legolas did not wish to hear - could not hear. "You are blinded by what you think is something which it clearly is not. So do not speak words of love and understanding, or even of need when you know naught of the sort, especially in regards to me!"
"Legolas if you would but give me a chance, so that I could speak such which even you would believe; that you would know to be true!"
"Why do you still refuse to understand?" Legolas yelled, disregarding the others pleading to be heard. The Elf's face was a strange shade of red, his eyes narrowed and seemingly penetrating the human's very soul as if he were stabbing him with shards of ice. "How can you be so blind to the real point? Last night was a mistake, Estel, a careless action on my part! I do not want you, Estel. I do not want to be with you, to render everything that I have to *you*! You mean NOTHING," Legolas avowed with distaste, his ears starting to colour in retrospect to his face. At the look which swept across the human's face, Legolas allowed himself a single moment to regain some of his compositor and to calm him voice to more of a gentle gushing admission of his vague feelings. "Why will you not understand that? Speak not of love and any such folly akin to it for I do not wish to hear it!"
Estel recoiled a step, as if the words had physically slapped him across the face. Tongue darting out to place a sweeping lick across his lips, Estel bowed his head and dropped his gaze, letting the Elf's words truly wash over him.
They stood in silence for a small eternity, each lost in their own thoughts. Amidst the yelling and screaming they had moved further apart, Estel standing closer to the door and Legolas back near the raised dais of his bed. But now, once the echoes of the hate filled words had ceased, a strange calm crept its way over them, settling like a dark cloud above both their heads and weighing their spirits down even further.
Finally it was Estel who broke the silence, his heart and mind telling him to say something and yet neither sure on what. Glancing up at the Elf, he regarded Legolas with a cold and yet almost emotionless gaze. Nothing could be deduced from his usually expressive eyes and the unstrained line of his lips hinted at neither hurt nor anger. He was just oddly calm; like a still brook which remained untouched and undisturbed by the world around it.
"You know what Legolas," he started, his voice as calm as his face appeared to be. The tones did not tremble, did not swell with emotion and were not spat out with hatred. They were just words spoken into the silence of the room, haunting and emotionless and verbalized as if Legolas was not even there. "I should have realized this the first day that I met you. Remember, you were alone in the gardens? You were alone because no one wanted to be around you. Yes, you are beautiful, Valar only knows that you are and that could have anyone and anything you wanted by just flashing that smile." He paused for a moment in thought, half expecting Legolas to interrupt, to protest against the evaluation, but the Elf remained dolefully silent, his head bowed as he took in the words. "Perhaps...perhaps the reason you do not wish to hear words of love is because you know that no one could ever *really* love you. Not real love; nothing pure because you are bitter, cynical, self-righteous and cold."
Estel expected Legolas to fly into a rage, to once again yell and shout out his protests, but the Elf remained still and with his head bowed. Again there was silence between them as the clouds above their heads swelled and churned, darkening and pressing closer upon both their hearts and minds.
"Get out..." Legolas finally whispered while not even lifting his eyes from the floor as he quietly commanded the human to leave. He was through with shouting, with the arguments and the hate enforced words - all he wanted was to be left alone.
"With pleasure," Estel muttered. His eyes were closed off and unrevealing, not even holding that half hidden sense of mocking that they usual did when he fought with the Elf. Once again bowing his head, Estel turning slowly and almost lethargically and made his way to the door. He opened it, walked through and allowed the door to close softly behind him without so much as a backward glance or a single sound as he left the Elf alone.
Legolas stood ridged and still, unable to move and not wanting to even if he could. Vacant eyes started to the floor as his mind was overthrown, swarmed by the darkness of his own thoughts and pulled into uncertainty. He had never felt so confused, so conflicted within in his entire life.
He could feel that sense of rebellion rising up in him, the telltale sign that the ruthless assassin in him wanted to release some of the pent up anger. And yet, at the same time, there was that quieter part of him, that part that begged him to just stop for once. To just collapse and try to shield his head and heart from all his thoughts and emotions. His head felt like the crowded common room of some busy tavern; thoughts and alien feelings making themselves know in the worst of ways possible. He wanted to hate Estel, wanted to listen to him, wanted to hurt him, be rid of him and yet he longed to be close, to see that look in the human's eyes that Legolas could never quite place. No, most of all he wanted the human to leave him alone. To allow him to stay to his own devices and to remain as he always had; unfeeling, 'cold' as Estel had put it.
That was the truth. That was his heart speaking for once; not those instincts that made him a killer or that voice in his head that made him want to repent. It was his heart that wanted to be alone, that wanted Estel to be out of his life so that he would not have to feel like this ever again. Never felt so confused, so frightened, hurt and alone. That was it. He only felt alone now because of Estel. Because of the fact that the human had not left him alone and the way that Legolas had in turn used him. After all, the only way one can be alone is after they have been left behind or forgotten.
A long, labored sigh passed over his lips as his hands rose to press against the sides of his temples. His head pounded, his eyes were slightly blurry and his stomach churned as his head whirled as if he had been spinning on the spot for a great length of time. His fingers moved from his temples to press against his eyes in an attempt to get the strange nauseous feel to stop when the sound of his door bursting open diverted his dizzy head from its own lamentation.
Perplexed, cloudy eyes full of inquiry lifted from the floor and wandered slowly to the door where they fell upon a sight that saw the Elf's jaw tighten, his eyes blink and his body stiffen. The first thing that he saw was Estel, held limply between two large men and with a small trail of blood seeping from his right temple. Then he saw the others behind them - about six in total and all heavily armed - before his eyes finally fell upon the psychotically grinning man that lead the group, standing in the front and middle of the pack.
"Surprise!" Verdox sung out as his smile grew wider.
*****
To be continued...
*****
Next chapter preview:
"Ah, finally," Verdox exclaimed with a triumphant smile. "The great and powerful Legolas brought to his knees before me." His voice was scolding and patronizing as he looked down at the restrained Elf with contempt. "And all due to some stupid human - ironic, do you not think?"
Later on:
Propping himself up against the tree, Legolas looked out to the horizon as he closed his hand around the shaft of the arrow. Concentrating on clearing his mind of anything but that beautiful sky, he took a deep swig from his flask of ale and, on the mental count of three, snapped the shaft at the beginning of his skin.
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Replies to Reviews:
For the sake of keeping this short - has anyone else noticed that they are starting to rival the chapter for length...I talk too much - I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed and please, if I do not personally reply, do not think, not for an instant, that your review was not appreciated. I love them all and am greatly honored to receive them. So thank you all!!
Ok...
Bruised Lady: The 'black Velvet' thing was from the song by Alannah Myles called, strangely enough 'Black Velvet'. I had it stuck in my head when I wrote it, so I just included a few of the lyrics. It is an old song, but a good one - at least in my opinion.
Addict: I am sorry that 'my type and I' put you through so much stress...guess you went grey over the end of this chapter.... ;) but in my own defense, tender happiness is not my thing and I think I did say it somewhere... oh, you are on holidays...? Well then, I guess you won't see this until you get back so let me say that I hope you had a good time! Lol, thank you, though I must admit that I am actually rather scared of my imagination - I should not let it out so often (plus the little bitch bites when I try to stuff it back in its cage). The Mistress of Pain? Who, may I ask, is that? *wonders if she needs to fight someone else for her throne of 'pointless torture and hurt'* And yes, Legolas as kick ass, independent assassin does have a slight appeal to it... LMAO! Why does everyone think that poor old Estel has some greater, sinister purpose in all this???? Oh, more deprived childhood people! YAY!!! We should unite!
Z: So Legolas is going around being crazy killer/assassin and you are worried about Estel being out of character? LOL! Fair enough. But yes, Estel is a little more childish in the story because, well, he is much younger then the Aragorn that you all know and, well, I like him better if he has more quirks and is a little less serious. Sorry about that.
Tainted Fortune: Yes, Legolas is very conflicted within himself, that is why, as the story goes on, you will be able to see little changes - he using Estel was one of those. It wasn't expected? YAY! I still have the element of surprise! Oh, there are far too many lovey-dovey slash stories out there!! What happened to the good old slash where the characters were still strong and yet full of angst?
Ihni: Lol, if you look close, you will find many mistakes! But yes, you are right and, once again, I remind you that I am not a good dictionary for you as I can not spell! Oh, Elf pain is coming - believe me - it was just that I could not hurt him there else he would not be capable of later adventures... Oh, it is for the best! But I do agree with you, I hate romance in stories and it is only with the Legolas/Aragorn slash pair that I can even think about putting in even the smallest touch of 'love' and said shite! Lol. Oh 'jam' - such wisdom...Jam (v) 1a. squeeze, cram, or wedge into a space. B. become wedged. 2. cause (machinery etc.) to become wedged...need I really go on??? Lol, there, that was your human dictionary talking...
Rosie: *Uses fishing rod to reel you I further* ;) I am glad that you liked it and thank you so much for leaving a comment - it really makes my day! Where is it going? Well, at the moment, it is all over the place! Lol. I have far too many thoughts and only a limited window to get them all into. But I hope that no one will see the ending coming...
Analia: LOL! I am glad that someone picked up on the strange choice of song...
I too was looking forward to Legolas' escape from Rivendell, but at the time the damn muses refused to help me out so I was forced to do it the way you read it. As to what happens when he comes back...well, you will see next chapter and the chapter after that... though, once again, you are there giving me all these ideas and I am here thinking 'now why the hell didn't I do that?' LOL
Oh, it is wonderful writing the fight scenes. Far too much fun for a sadistic person like me! I too have always wanted to be an assassin - thought it would be so cool! But yes, I hate seeing Legolas get his ass kicked - I love to see him in pain, get tortured etc, etc, but I do not like to see him *try* to fight and end up being saved by Aragorn... that annoys me more then anything! A little bit of Zorro? Where? Lol, I like that movie...sort of...depends on my mood! Lol. And remorse is fun...sometimes... I am sorry if you were disappointed about the 'not-in- control' Legolas and the end scene. I was really iffy about it myself, but I needed something to set all this up and, well, I am not a romantic, so personally I thought it woul be much more fun (and better eliminate any chances of it turning into some sappy thing) if Legolas just used him. ;)
Exrated: I am sorry if you are upset, but writing said nighttime scene is not my specialty, and something that is, for all of our sanity (or lack there of) left out. And I am trying very hard not to 'fade to black'!!
Ivorybrowneyes: Glad you liked! As for the Elf clones, I refuse to hand over my Elrohir. As I said, you can have Elladan... *offers you Elf* or, here, have Figwit and Meorof (yes...my friend and I created Meorof - Mystery Elf on Right of Figwit...we have issues...)
Rabbit of Iron: Ick...rugby... and shield Legolas keeps falling over...useless unbalanced Elf...lol! Oh, but he is still insanly fun! And there will be more chapters like that...I think.
lego 4ever: Thank you! I am honored that you took the time to review.
Eddie Uwnhai: The Elf thing was something that was drummed into my head by my first beta and, well, it has stuck and is a case of you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I kinda like it in a way - proves that they are above everyone else as they get a capital... Moving on, once again thank you for the corrections - I am hoping to have the time to actually go through and change them all soon...just need to get through these exams. But yes, it is kinda sad, and I hoped that the silence and kind of defeat that hung above them at the end of this chapter helps to prove that. See them happy!? HA!!!
Sirithiliel: Let's corrupt them all!!!! But oh, that sounds fun...like, Legolas goes to help him by giving him the end of a branch to hold on to, but the Elf misses and instead uses the branch to push his head under water??? *eyes light up* Ok, now I am just confused...Legolas went back to Rivendell and to Estel's room, where he used him, thus ending the last chapter. Where were you? Lol - sorry, it is late so I am obviously missing something important here... ;)
Iara: I am very happy that you liked it!
CareLess: Once again, there was not much sarcasm this chapter...sorry about that. There may be some next, then probably none the chapter after that, BUT, after that it will be back into full swing. We just hit the more serious middle climax of the story so it is hard to put any in there. and yes, Legolas has some serious issues - most of which will probably never be worked out... oh, you are good - with his feelings being his downfall...they will rip him apart! Hahahahaha! 'A twisted, psychological puzzle'? Wow, I like it! Lol. But that is what I am hoping to get across, and even more so as we near this part of the story...fun fun! Lol - the Halloween party was great - had a blast. Again, I have to ask if you are a mind reader as I went as a bit of a slutty gothic dominatrix... Fun times, I say! LOL!
Silvertoekee: AHHH! I SO want to see Kill Bill, but I am not old enough! I can't get in! I mean, look at what I write - what MY mind comes up with and yet stupid rating people sit there and say that such a movie is not suitable for someone of my age! RUBBISH! Grrrr! ...sorry about that... and oh, you know, you are the only person to mention something about what Legolas was writing...hehe... at this point in time, Legolas does not know about Estel's true identity but I am guessing that that will come out sooner or later... Yes, I want to show that Aragorn was not always so...dirty..? Lol, no, seriously, I want him to have his other side; his more childish side. And yes, lots of candy was eaten...argh...Lol.
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Ok, once again, to anyone that I did not personally thank, I'll take this time to once again say THANK YOU!
All right, that is all from me. I hope you enjoyed it and I shall see you all next week!
Minka.