"MAAAARRRGGGHHHH! Bamfing hell, Kurt! You gotta warn people before you
just bamf in like that!"
"Es tut mir leid, Fraulein. Wait, I came here to kill you, not apologize!"
"Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. Sit down. Here. And hold my torch for me, it's dark in here, and I'll explain, O Fuzzy One."
Kurt sits down on the blanket and pulls some of it over his knees, huddling against the wall away from Ororo.
"Hang on, let me light a few candles on this shelf, and then you can turn the torch off."
"Er, okay." He waits until she's finished lighting up a few candles and then turns to her with wet eyes. "Why did you take my ice cream, Ororo? I thought you were my friend!"
She sniffs and starts feeling bad instantly. "I'm sorry, Kurt, I can't even remember why I was mad at you. I'm sorry, 'Crawler! I'll never do it again!" She begins to sob uncontrollably and then throws her arms around Kurt. "Can you ever forgive me?"
"Two things. One, let go of me, and two, buy me more ice cream. Double what you took."
"Okay, okay. And then you'll forgive me?"
"I already have, liebschen."
[A/N: Uh oh. Kurt and Ororo, alone in a shed. Cuddled up together. Oh dear.]
Ororo smiles. "Goodie. We're friends again, my little German one?"
"Ja."
"I see what they're all on to with this fur-stroking thing," Ororo says, gently touching Kurt's arm.
He shudders. "Uh uh. No touching."
"Well, that could make it very difficult to--" She stops. "Oh, I'm sorry!!! Kurt, I didn't mean to jump at you like that, I'm not trying to..."
"It's okay! Don't worry. Hey, your shed is quite... cosy."
"I know, I spent ages doing it up nice," Ororo agrees. "Look, I put a couple of posters up too."
"Superman? You're even more of a traitor than Jean thinks," Kurt comments.
"Yeah, well don't tell her, okay?" Ororo reaches over for a flask of hot chocolate. "It's pretty cold in here, you want some?"
"Mm, alright."
"Look," Ororo smirks. "Logan's forgotten to close his curtains, and he's got the light on."
Kurt looks up through the shed window and snorts with laughter. "You think we should go tell him and the Captain?"
"Nahh, why should we?" Ororo shrugs. "This is much more fun."
"Oh, honestly Ororo, you have such a sick mind sometimes," Kurt says, trying not to laugh.
"I know." She shivers. "It's really cold, isn't it?"
"Nein, es ist okay."
"If you got fur," Ororo replies. "You're so lucky."
"That's what you'd think."
"Why? What's wrong with it? Oh, I guess it's hell in the summer, isn't it?"
"Ja, but it's nicht that. I just have this problem with people touching my fur."
Ororo shuffles over slightly.
Meanwhile, Katherine is peering over her reading glasses at Jean. "Jean, aren't you worried about Ororo?"
"No, she can stand up for herself. I'm just wondering why I haven't heard Kurt screaming in pain yet."
"Well, maybe they're not fighting."
"Look, I'm the psychic one, okay? They will be in there killing each other."
Back in the shed, Kurt and Ororo are busy swapping deepest darkest secrets.
"When I was little, I had an imaginary friend called Bob," Ororo says, remembering fondly, clutching the cup of hot chocolate.
"Hey, I had an imaginary friend called Magdalena," Kurt smiles nostalgically.
"Magdalena?!?"
"I grew up in Germany, Ororo."
She shuffles about a bit, trying to get comfortable. "Do you think anyone would mind if I brought one or two of the beanbags out here??? This floor's really hard."
"I'm sure they wouldn't mind, 'Ro-ro. Not for you."
"Aww, you're such a sweet little fuzzy elf!"
"Knock it off, Ororo," Kurt says sternly. "What would Jean say?"
"She'd probably say, 'You're turning me on, Ororo.'"
"If that's what you think." Kurt shrugs.
"What's taking them so long?" Jean asks crossly. "All he needed to do was bamf in, attempt to hurt Ororo, her turn her powers on him, and then they could both come back indoors."
"Well, I don't know. I never knew Kurt was any good at writing, did you?"
"He is?"
"Yes, he's been writing an autobiography. He ought to get this published. He'd make a lot of money, since everyone loves him so much."
Wanda is sat on the floor, sulking since Maggie took her voodoo kit away. Pietro is writing a letter to his mother.
"Wanda's being a pain, as usual," he's muttering as he writes. "She says she's older than me but I know better. I'm the--" He looks up. "How do you spell 'oldest', Jean?"
"Absolutely no idea. Katherine will know, Katherine knows everything. She's a doctor."
"It's O-L-D-E-S-T, Pietro," she says, giving Jean a dirty look.
"Oldest. Katherine the doctor is helping me with my spelling. I want to be a doctor when I grow up now..." he trails off, but carries on writing.
"You're writing about me, aren't you?" Wanda demands. "Daaaaaaaaaaaaad, Pietro's writing mean things!"
"All I wrote was, 'Wanda is insane and keeps trying to kill things. There's a row of dead bugs, birds, and a mouse next to Logan's bed where she was sleeping.' That's not mean, it's true."
"But it's MEAN! I'm going to hurt you, Pietro!"
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"
"Not getting involved."
"But Daaaaaaaaad! Wanda's going to hit me! Ow!"
"Waaanda," Jean warns. "It's not nice to try to bite your brother."
Wanda mumbles, "He started it," but sits back down.
"Do you often have other people in your shed?" Kurt asks.
"Never. Well, Jean's been in here once or twice. But not for long."
"Should I leave then?"
"No, no. You can stay. I like having you in here."
"Er, thanks."
There's an awkward pause.
"It's quite cold. We could," Kurt shrugs in an offhand way, "Bamf back to my room, if you like."
"Or stay here. It's very comfortable, if you cuddle up really close."
That's all I've got to say for tonight. Just use your imagination, yeah?
* * * * *
"Morning, everyone! It's going to be a groovy day, I can just tell. Well, I am psychic, you know."
"I can control the weather but you don't hear me bragging," Ororo mutters.
"Is something the matter, Ororo?" Jean looks at her across the breakfast table, worried.
"Well, see, thing is Jean, I've got some... kind of bad news."
"Oh?"
"Could I tell you in private?"
"I guess so. You want to go to our room?"
"No, let's go out in the garden."
"Ororo, it's pouring with rain."
"Hello? Weather Witch, at your service."
And so out came the sun and Jean and Ororo go for a little jaunt around the grounds.
"Jean, look, this isn't easy to say or anything. We've known each other for a long time, and I think... no, see, what it is... you remember last night?"
"You ate Kurt's ice cream, he got mad and tried to kill you. Oh, and Wanda was her usual murderous self. Nothing remarkable about it."
"And I slept in my room, Jean."
"And you slept in your room, yes, Ororo, and not mine... why was that?"
Ororo pauses and looks down at the ground. She opens her mouth, hesitates, and closes it again. She unhooks her arm from Jean's. "Me and Kurt had this conversation."
"So? So what, Ororo? It's just Kurt." Jean realises what Ororo's about to say, panics, and starts babbling on randomly. "He's gay! Or with Katherine! And you're gay! If you had a chat in a shed it doesn't matter! And if you-- if you did anything more that doesn't matter either, because I did the same thing! Is this is revenge because I did that thing with Kurt then fair enough Ororo, and I can forgive you and we can go back to normal, right?"
"Jean, Jean, Jean! Shut up and listen! Me and Kurt--yes, stuff did happen. And we've decided, me and him, we want to get together. So, me and you, we're... there is no me and you."
Jean stares at Ororo for a few moments and then just turns heel and stomps off.
"Well, that went well."
Meanwhile, Kurt is having a similar conversation with Katherine.
"It's not that I don't like you, but... I don't get creeped out when Ororo touches me. You can be my best friend, if you want, and you can still be my psychiatrist, it's just that now I'm going out with Ororo and not you."
"Oh." Katherine shrugs casually. "Well. I guess that's okay. I mean, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine with that. Really. It's good. Great. I'm glad you're happy, Kurt."
"Nooo," Rogue howls, pounding the table. "No Kurt, you can't!"
"Vhy not?"
"Because Ah want to--never mind. Ah'll plot a way to get what Ah want."
"Vhatever."
* * * * *
"Jean?"
"Katherine?"
The two of them both sigh and sit down on the bench. They've both been wandering around the garden, not noticing each other.
"Are you okay?" Katherine asks tentatively. "I mean, about Ororo."
She shrugs. "Well, I haven't slit my wrists yet."
"That's er, good."
"I'm just plotting revenge though."
"Oh, not revenge, revenge was what started this all off!"
"How the hell would you know that?" Jean asks in awe.
"I pay attention to stuff."
"It's not really worth bothering. Okay, so no revenge. What am I going to do with myself now I don't have Ororo around all the time?"
"Well, you still live with her," Katherine points out. "You could always follow her around everywhere and send her notes and tell her you love her."
"And then she'd get me arrested for stalking her. But I want her back, Katherine. I do love her! I need to get her back."
"Get together with Rogue. Rogue's plotting to get Kurt, so together you could break them up!"
"Oh, fantastic!" Jean grins. "It's the perfect way to make Rogue a proper part of the team and really get to know her!"
[A/N: Huh? I didn't plan this AT ALL... I'm worried now.]
Katherine sighs. "And I'll still be all alone."
"Don't worry, you'll find someone, one day."
"Yes, but it's not fair. Logan has Captain America," she glances up at Logan's bedroom window, where both Logan and the Captain are right now, " Charlie has Maggie, you'll have Jean and Rogue will have Kurt..."
"Have you tried looking outside the X-Men?"
"Yes! His name was Peter Parker and he's locked in our basement!"
"Oh. Sorry."
"Es tut mir leid, Fraulein. Wait, I came here to kill you, not apologize!"
"Kurt, Kurt, Kurt. Sit down. Here. And hold my torch for me, it's dark in here, and I'll explain, O Fuzzy One."
Kurt sits down on the blanket and pulls some of it over his knees, huddling against the wall away from Ororo.
"Hang on, let me light a few candles on this shelf, and then you can turn the torch off."
"Er, okay." He waits until she's finished lighting up a few candles and then turns to her with wet eyes. "Why did you take my ice cream, Ororo? I thought you were my friend!"
She sniffs and starts feeling bad instantly. "I'm sorry, Kurt, I can't even remember why I was mad at you. I'm sorry, 'Crawler! I'll never do it again!" She begins to sob uncontrollably and then throws her arms around Kurt. "Can you ever forgive me?"
"Two things. One, let go of me, and two, buy me more ice cream. Double what you took."
"Okay, okay. And then you'll forgive me?"
"I already have, liebschen."
[A/N: Uh oh. Kurt and Ororo, alone in a shed. Cuddled up together. Oh dear.]
Ororo smiles. "Goodie. We're friends again, my little German one?"
"Ja."
"I see what they're all on to with this fur-stroking thing," Ororo says, gently touching Kurt's arm.
He shudders. "Uh uh. No touching."
"Well, that could make it very difficult to--" She stops. "Oh, I'm sorry!!! Kurt, I didn't mean to jump at you like that, I'm not trying to..."
"It's okay! Don't worry. Hey, your shed is quite... cosy."
"I know, I spent ages doing it up nice," Ororo agrees. "Look, I put a couple of posters up too."
"Superman? You're even more of a traitor than Jean thinks," Kurt comments.
"Yeah, well don't tell her, okay?" Ororo reaches over for a flask of hot chocolate. "It's pretty cold in here, you want some?"
"Mm, alright."
"Look," Ororo smirks. "Logan's forgotten to close his curtains, and he's got the light on."
Kurt looks up through the shed window and snorts with laughter. "You think we should go tell him and the Captain?"
"Nahh, why should we?" Ororo shrugs. "This is much more fun."
"Oh, honestly Ororo, you have such a sick mind sometimes," Kurt says, trying not to laugh.
"I know." She shivers. "It's really cold, isn't it?"
"Nein, es ist okay."
"If you got fur," Ororo replies. "You're so lucky."
"That's what you'd think."
"Why? What's wrong with it? Oh, I guess it's hell in the summer, isn't it?"
"Ja, but it's nicht that. I just have this problem with people touching my fur."
Ororo shuffles over slightly.
Meanwhile, Katherine is peering over her reading glasses at Jean. "Jean, aren't you worried about Ororo?"
"No, she can stand up for herself. I'm just wondering why I haven't heard Kurt screaming in pain yet."
"Well, maybe they're not fighting."
"Look, I'm the psychic one, okay? They will be in there killing each other."
Back in the shed, Kurt and Ororo are busy swapping deepest darkest secrets.
"When I was little, I had an imaginary friend called Bob," Ororo says, remembering fondly, clutching the cup of hot chocolate.
"Hey, I had an imaginary friend called Magdalena," Kurt smiles nostalgically.
"Magdalena?!?"
"I grew up in Germany, Ororo."
She shuffles about a bit, trying to get comfortable. "Do you think anyone would mind if I brought one or two of the beanbags out here??? This floor's really hard."
"I'm sure they wouldn't mind, 'Ro-ro. Not for you."
"Aww, you're such a sweet little fuzzy elf!"
"Knock it off, Ororo," Kurt says sternly. "What would Jean say?"
"She'd probably say, 'You're turning me on, Ororo.'"
"If that's what you think." Kurt shrugs.
"What's taking them so long?" Jean asks crossly. "All he needed to do was bamf in, attempt to hurt Ororo, her turn her powers on him, and then they could both come back indoors."
"Well, I don't know. I never knew Kurt was any good at writing, did you?"
"He is?"
"Yes, he's been writing an autobiography. He ought to get this published. He'd make a lot of money, since everyone loves him so much."
Wanda is sat on the floor, sulking since Maggie took her voodoo kit away. Pietro is writing a letter to his mother.
"Wanda's being a pain, as usual," he's muttering as he writes. "She says she's older than me but I know better. I'm the--" He looks up. "How do you spell 'oldest', Jean?"
"Absolutely no idea. Katherine will know, Katherine knows everything. She's a doctor."
"It's O-L-D-E-S-T, Pietro," she says, giving Jean a dirty look.
"Oldest. Katherine the doctor is helping me with my spelling. I want to be a doctor when I grow up now..." he trails off, but carries on writing.
"You're writing about me, aren't you?" Wanda demands. "Daaaaaaaaaaaaad, Pietro's writing mean things!"
"All I wrote was, 'Wanda is insane and keeps trying to kill things. There's a row of dead bugs, birds, and a mouse next to Logan's bed where she was sleeping.' That's not mean, it's true."
"But it's MEAN! I'm going to hurt you, Pietro!"
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"
"Not getting involved."
"But Daaaaaaaaad! Wanda's going to hit me! Ow!"
"Waaanda," Jean warns. "It's not nice to try to bite your brother."
Wanda mumbles, "He started it," but sits back down.
"Do you often have other people in your shed?" Kurt asks.
"Never. Well, Jean's been in here once or twice. But not for long."
"Should I leave then?"
"No, no. You can stay. I like having you in here."
"Er, thanks."
There's an awkward pause.
"It's quite cold. We could," Kurt shrugs in an offhand way, "Bamf back to my room, if you like."
"Or stay here. It's very comfortable, if you cuddle up really close."
That's all I've got to say for tonight. Just use your imagination, yeah?
* * * * *
"Morning, everyone! It's going to be a groovy day, I can just tell. Well, I am psychic, you know."
"I can control the weather but you don't hear me bragging," Ororo mutters.
"Is something the matter, Ororo?" Jean looks at her across the breakfast table, worried.
"Well, see, thing is Jean, I've got some... kind of bad news."
"Oh?"
"Could I tell you in private?"
"I guess so. You want to go to our room?"
"No, let's go out in the garden."
"Ororo, it's pouring with rain."
"Hello? Weather Witch, at your service."
And so out came the sun and Jean and Ororo go for a little jaunt around the grounds.
"Jean, look, this isn't easy to say or anything. We've known each other for a long time, and I think... no, see, what it is... you remember last night?"
"You ate Kurt's ice cream, he got mad and tried to kill you. Oh, and Wanda was her usual murderous self. Nothing remarkable about it."
"And I slept in my room, Jean."
"And you slept in your room, yes, Ororo, and not mine... why was that?"
Ororo pauses and looks down at the ground. She opens her mouth, hesitates, and closes it again. She unhooks her arm from Jean's. "Me and Kurt had this conversation."
"So? So what, Ororo? It's just Kurt." Jean realises what Ororo's about to say, panics, and starts babbling on randomly. "He's gay! Or with Katherine! And you're gay! If you had a chat in a shed it doesn't matter! And if you-- if you did anything more that doesn't matter either, because I did the same thing! Is this is revenge because I did that thing with Kurt then fair enough Ororo, and I can forgive you and we can go back to normal, right?"
"Jean, Jean, Jean! Shut up and listen! Me and Kurt--yes, stuff did happen. And we've decided, me and him, we want to get together. So, me and you, we're... there is no me and you."
Jean stares at Ororo for a few moments and then just turns heel and stomps off.
"Well, that went well."
Meanwhile, Kurt is having a similar conversation with Katherine.
"It's not that I don't like you, but... I don't get creeped out when Ororo touches me. You can be my best friend, if you want, and you can still be my psychiatrist, it's just that now I'm going out with Ororo and not you."
"Oh." Katherine shrugs casually. "Well. I guess that's okay. I mean, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine with that. Really. It's good. Great. I'm glad you're happy, Kurt."
"Nooo," Rogue howls, pounding the table. "No Kurt, you can't!"
"Vhy not?"
"Because Ah want to--never mind. Ah'll plot a way to get what Ah want."
"Vhatever."
* * * * *
"Jean?"
"Katherine?"
The two of them both sigh and sit down on the bench. They've both been wandering around the garden, not noticing each other.
"Are you okay?" Katherine asks tentatively. "I mean, about Ororo."
She shrugs. "Well, I haven't slit my wrists yet."
"That's er, good."
"I'm just plotting revenge though."
"Oh, not revenge, revenge was what started this all off!"
"How the hell would you know that?" Jean asks in awe.
"I pay attention to stuff."
"It's not really worth bothering. Okay, so no revenge. What am I going to do with myself now I don't have Ororo around all the time?"
"Well, you still live with her," Katherine points out. "You could always follow her around everywhere and send her notes and tell her you love her."
"And then she'd get me arrested for stalking her. But I want her back, Katherine. I do love her! I need to get her back."
"Get together with Rogue. Rogue's plotting to get Kurt, so together you could break them up!"
"Oh, fantastic!" Jean grins. "It's the perfect way to make Rogue a proper part of the team and really get to know her!"
[A/N: Huh? I didn't plan this AT ALL... I'm worried now.]
Katherine sighs. "And I'll still be all alone."
"Don't worry, you'll find someone, one day."
"Yes, but it's not fair. Logan has Captain America," she glances up at Logan's bedroom window, where both Logan and the Captain are right now, " Charlie has Maggie, you'll have Jean and Rogue will have Kurt..."
"Have you tried looking outside the X-Men?"
"Yes! His name was Peter Parker and he's locked in our basement!"
"Oh. Sorry."