And so, they're having a party. Not a very successful one, it has to be said. Logan's drinking and Charlie's drinking and Maggie's drinking a little, and Pietro is sitting on the floor with Wanda's voodoo kit in front of him, missing his sister.

"Is Wanda ever coming back, Dad?"

Maggie sighs tiredly, as if he's been asking that question about fifty times already. Which he has. "I don't know."

"And what about Jean? I liked Jean. She was pretty and she let me teach her how to cook. Is she coming back?"

"I don't know, Pietro."

"Does Charlie know then?"

"No," Charlie says distractedly. Maggie is trying to teach him to knit, but he's not all that coordinated at the best of times, and now he's had a bit too much to drink. He puts the needles down and picks up his glass again.

Logan sighs. He's attempting to write a letter to Captain America but the floor around him is littered with crumpled pieces of paper.

"Logan, sir? Can I read your letter?" Pietro enquires, picking one of them up.

"NO! I mean, no, no, I'd rather you didn't."

"Perhaps we should all go to bed," Maggie says tiredly. "I'm not in the mood for a party anymore."

"No, me neither," Charlie agrees. "Logan, could you put Pietro to bed?"

"Why? He isn't my kid!"

"No, but he likes you best."

"Yes, I do, Uncle Logan, you're my favourite mutant in the whole world!"

Logan groans. "Alright then, kid, come along." He thuds out of the room and up the stairs, Pietro bouncing behind him.

"Do you want a drink before you go to sleep?" Logan asks.

"No. I want a bedtime story. Tell me a story, Uncle Logan."

"I'm not your uncle, you stupid brat!"

Pietro's eyes go all wide and then he sniffs.

"Oh, no kid, don't cry, come on, I didn't mean it, I was just... alright, I'll tell you a story. What do you want a story about?"

"About mutants. About powerful mutants who run the country and make all the rules and--"

"Hey, kid, I got an idea. Why don't you tell me a story?"

"Can I?" Pietro looks amazed. "It's a really good story. In it, there's a president, his name is," he looks proud, "Magneto. He's my dad, you know. He's the president of the USA. And in the country, all the people are mutants. Every single one. Even the little ones. And all the rules and the laws are made for mutants, and when my dad gets bored of being president, I'm going to be president."

"That's great, Pietro."

"Yes, and it's really going to happen! Dad said--"

"Okay, okay, that's enough for tonight. Now put your pyjamas on and go to sleep."

As soon as Pietro has pulled the covers over himself, Logan goes to turn the light out.

"No! Don't do that! I'm scared of the dark," Pietro says, huddled under the blanket. "Put my nightlight on first, please."

"Alright. God, I'm glad I'm never having kids. Goodnight, Pietro."

"Goodnight, Uncle Logan."

* * * * *

"Good morning, Uncle Logan!"

"Urgh... Pietro?"

"Yes, it's me!"

"What are you doing sitting on me? And what time is it?"

"It's half six, time to get up!"

"Urggghhh, no, go away!"

"Why?"

"Because I want to get some sleep, kid."

"But I want you to get up, Uncle Logan!"

"Don't call me that! And get off me!"

"Logan... can you make me breakfast? I want to have baked beans out of a tin and I want you to open the tin with your claws, okay?"

"Later, Pietro."

"Now, Logan."

"No!"

"Awww, why not?"

"Because I want to get some sleep! Go and bother your father."

"I did. He was lip-wrestling with Charlie."

"Please kiddo, not that image this early in the morning."

"I'm sorry. Can you get up now?"

"No, you're sitting on me!"

"Sorry. Should I get off?"

"Yes. I'm not cut out for this babysitting stuff. Go and pester someone else."

"There is no one else."

"Oh, right, yeah, they all left. Go play on Cerebro then."

"What's Cerebro?"

"It's a big computer. It has pinball and solitaire, and I think Charlie was going to put The Sims on it too. It's the third door on the left after the kitchen. You'll need the door password, which is 'socks', and the computer password, which is 'veggie', and if you want you can check the emails, the password for that is 'bananarama'."

"Socks, veggie, bananarama. Got it. Bye, Uncle Logan."

* * * * *

It's now ten past ten, and Logan is asleep. Pietro is busy playing around on the computer, and decides to check the emails.

"Oh, wow! Twenty-seven emails!" he grins. "Right, let's see... 'thex- men@hotmail.com, would you like to see hardc--'" His eyes widen in surprise. "No! What else is there... free shipping on cheese, free printer cartridges, stalk your neighbours, celebrity email address, hmm... who on earth is Bender?"

He clicks up the email and it appears on the ten-foot high screen in front of him. "Oh, it's from auntie Jean!"

'Yo, Logan,

Just wanted to tell you that we've found a new superhero team. It's great. I mean, sure, Bender's not as crazy as Charlie, nor does she have a house quite as big, and she doesn't even have as much drink hidden away, but she doesn't make us do manual labour in the freezing cold. And she's cute. We're having a big party soon, I'd like to invite you but Katherine says she wants to put you through a sausage machine and Wanda wants to have all of your heads on spikes. So it would be a bit tense. If you have pleasing gifts, Wanda is willing to forgive you, but Katherine won't say what you've done and refuses to forget it. Well, have fun!!!

Lotsa luv, Jeanie (and Kurt, Ororo, Rogue and Bender. Various death threats from Katherine and Wanda)'

"Bender. I wanna go to a party! And I want to meet Bender and see Jean and Ororo and Fuzzball and Heshe again!"

* * * * *

While, on the other side of town and a few hours later, Jean is just getting up. She can vaguely smell breakfast. Bender is in the kitchen, wearing a hippy apron, singing and thoroughly enjoying having people to cook proper breakfasts for. Kurt is standing next to her, drooling over the bacon in his boxer shorts. Ororo is sat at the kitchen table, trying to think of a way to ask Bender about a problem. Rogue is in the shower, singing. And Wanda is watching cartoons on TV, pining for her voodoo kit.

"Bender, can I ask you something?" Ororo asks tentatively.

"Sure, babe. Go ahead. What is it?"

"Well, you know in some countries they allow men to have more than one wife... well, see, you know how I'm like, sort of a pendulum, as in I swing both ways..."

"We all do darling, we all do," Bender laughs.

"Yes, well, see, do you think it would be fair if I had a male partner and a female one, sort of like at the same time?"

"Hell, yeah!" Bender grins. "Let me guess. You miss Jean?" Last night everyone swapped life stories. Bender's went, "I'm a British hippy, with a groovy mutant gift. Oh, and I inherited a lot of money from my rich uncle so I bought a mansion in New York." Everyone else's were slightly longer.

"Yes," Ororo looks sad. "I miss her. But I love Kurt too."

Kurt glances up, hearing his name being mentioned. "Vas, Ororo?"

"Do you mind sharing me with Jean?"

Kurt pauses for a moment. "Will there be threesomes?"

"Yes."

"Great then. That's fine."

"You're very lucky that both of them are so understanding," Bender says.

"Well, Kurt is. As for Jean... we'll have to wait and see."

Right on cue, Jean opens the door and walks in. "My telepathy tells me you were talking about me."

"No, Jeanie, you were eavesdropping again," Kurt says pointedly. "But Ororo has something to ask you."

"Okay, okay. Jean, I love Kurt and everything, but I want to go out with you again. Please?"

"No!"

"Aww, Jean, you're really mean."

"Poetry?" Kurt asks.

"I did not mean for that to RHYME! Jean, please go out with me, I love you."

"No, Ororo," Jean says, still angry about being dumped for a blue fuzzball. "You love Kurt."

"That too! Please Jean. Please. Please."

"No, Ororo. NO, no lightning!"

Ororo sighs. "But you never do what I want unless I shock you. No one does."

"Life's like that, Ro-ro," Bender says cheerfully. "Maybe you should just leave Jean until she misses you enough that she comes back to you."

"She won't ever," Ororo says stubbornly. There's a crash from the sitting room.

"Vanda just threw a vase at the television," Kurt says informatively.

"Well done, Wanda," Jean calls. "You broke Bender's TV."

"Not just the TV," the voice comes back. "The vase is in pieces too."

"Brat," Ororo mumbles. "We're sorry about your TV. And your vase."

"It was only my telly. I'll get a new one, okay? I mean, the vase, it was really expensive and all, and it was pretty sentimental too, but it's okay."

"You're so laid back, Bender," Ororo says, in awe. "I wish I could be that calm. That kid would be in the emergency room by now if it'd been my TV."

"Hey, you learn to just let life flow. Let's do yoga!"

"Yoga?"

"It's relaxing."

"Let's have breakfast first," Kurt demands.

An hour later, Kurt is happily sat in a yoga pose which looks completely painful and impossible, and all the others are sat in heaps on the floor.

"Your poor spine, German one," Bender says, as Jean collapses on top of her.

"My spine is perfectly fine."

"Poetry, 'Crawler!"

"I didn't mean for it to rhyme!" He howls as he falls over, on top of Rogue.

"AARGHH!" squeaks Ororo, who's at the bottom. "Get off me! Please!"

Kurt leaps off, using the women underneath him as springboard.

"Ow! Kurt!" Rogue yelps.

"Anyone seen Wanda?" Jean asks worriedly.

Ororo swears loudly. "Just follow the smell of rotting carcasses."

"So let her let off a little steam, breaks a few things, so? I can replace them. Maybe it'll do her good." Bender shrugs.

There's a crash and a thud from upstairs.

"She broke the springs in your bed, Bender," Kurt says informatively.

"How do you know?" Ororo asks in awe.

"My ears are not just for decoration, you know. They are very good at hearing things too."

"It's okay, about my bed. There's at least six other spare beds in this place. I'll sleep somewhere else." Bender laughs. "It's nice to have a kid around the place."

* * * * *

"Uncle Logan! Dad! Charlie dude! Guess what?!" Pietro has them all lined up on the sofa, and is standing up, addressing them. "Auntie Jeanie has found another mutant hippy with a mansion to live with!"

"What?" Charlie looks worried, then confused, then distressed, then angry.

"She's called Bender."

Charlie falls about laughing. "Bender?"

"Dad, what's funny about the word 'bender'?" Pietro asks.

Maggie ignores him. "Bender... hmm... hey, isn't she that girl who was advertising in the SH Times* for mutants to be in her team?"

[*Superhero Times--a newspaper.]

"No idea," Charlie shrugs. "I don't read that trash."

"Yeah, some British girl. Don't remember much else though."

"Well, that means that we're officially a team of three mutants."

"I'm a mutant too," Pietro insists. "I'll get my powers soon!"

"Three proper mutants and one future mutant."