And then they noticed the police cars speeding by, after someone else.
"Yes! I'm not going to jail!" Kurt cries happily. "But I just smashed up an
ice cream van, so if you don't mind, I'm just going to reverse out and
drive us all home."
And he does.
* * * * *
Everyone is sat around, with a drink in their hand: Bender, Charlie, Maggie, Kurt, Rogue, Katherine, Ororo, Jean, Logan, Pietro, and Wanda. Bender and Charlie are discussing leadership with Rogue, while Ororo and Jean argue over their relationship. Katherine and Kurt are talking about Kurt's heterophobia, Wanda playing with her voodoo kit, Pietro talking to his dad. Logan is happy just to watch everyone else settle back down. The house is full again and everyone seems to be friends again, except Wanda who still wants them all dead.
"And another pin for Jean and two more pins for Dad and I wish I had a Bender doll." Wanda holds her Jean and Dad voodoo dolls high in the air and then drops them to the floor, still full of pins. "And as for Pietro..." She carefully takes her scissors and starts carefully slicing the limbs off.
"Wanda, what have I told you about voodoo and your brother?" Maggie asks without turning around.
"I wasn't, Dad, really."
"Wanda, give me the doll."
"Awww, Dad, you ruin all my fun."
"Yes darling, that is what dads are for. Now, it's getting late, you and your brother should be off to bed."
"I don't wanna go! I'm not tired!" Pietro protests.
"I'll take them," Bender offers. "Come along, kids, I'll tell you a story."
After the three of them leave the room, Charlie says, "What now?"
"Truth or dare," Rogue says instantly.
"Yay!" says Charlie enthusiastically.
"Ah get to ask first because Ah wanted to play," Rogue says. "Ah choose... Jean."
"No fair," Jean mumbles. "Alright. Erm... truth."
[A/N: I'm so, so sorry. It's clichéd and BAD, but I couldn't help it, sooner or later it had to happen.]
"Hmm..." Rogue looks thoughtful.
"I've got one," Katherine offers. "Jean, where's the weirdest place you ever..." She pauses. "Did it? And who with?"
"Ohhh, you're so mean!" Jean wails. "How do I choose?"
"Trash can," Logan offers.
"Shed," adds Ororo.
"On top of a washing machine," Logan adds. "Or on Astroturf."
"On a train," Charlie says wickedly.
"On a train with Charlie," Jean admits. "That's the weirdest one."
Rogue shudders. "Ugh. Ah mean, no offence to Charlie, but..."
Jean interrupts before a fight breaks out. "I choose Logan."
"I hate you, Jean."
"Good. Dare, then?"
"Yeah."
Jean smirks. "Ororo's underwear."
"No fair, Jeanie."
"On your head."
"Jean!" Logan howls. "You're cruel!"
"Yes, I know. Kurt, could you fetch them for me?"
"Ja, of course, Jeanie."
Bamf. Few seconds. Bamf. "Here." He holds out the smallest piece of underwear he could find. He tosses it casually to Logan, who looks at it with some disgust.
"Ororo, do you really wear stuff like this?"
"Duh, it's mine! Yes! Who else's would it be? Kurt's?"
Logan shudders. "Please, can we just get this over with? How long do I have to wear it for?"
"Until the game's over," Ororo says casually, sliding off her chair onto the floor.
Logan sighs and pulls it over his hair. "Okay, well, I get to choose someone now. Rogue."
Rogue crosses her legs casually and pulls at a loose strand of hair. "Dare."
Logan thinks hard, racking his brain for something suitably bad. "Ororo's experiments! There's a bowl in the freezer, and in it is ice cream, pizza, spaghetti, peanut butter, a couple of lettuce leaves, and some other odd bits, all mixed together. You have to eat some of it."
Rogue pales for a moment but then looks brave. "Sure. Ah'll do it. No problem. Someone get the bowl and a spoon."
So Kurt fetches the bowl of experiment and a spoon. Rogue carefully pulls the lid off and stares at the concoction. It's a vaguely brownish greenish greyish colour, full of odd lumps. She gulps. "Spoon, German one."
Kurt hands her the spoon, shrugging. "Good luck, Southern one."
She stares at the mixture, and then closes her eyes. She slowly reaches into the bowl with the spoon and pulls up a large spoonful. There's a weird slurp noise as the experiment settles again. Rogue's counting down inside her head. Three. Two. One, in. She swallows the whole spoonful in one go. She doesn't open her eyes and Kurt starts to pray for her safety.
But then she reaches bravely (or stupidly, depending on how you look at it) for the spoon again, and has another mouthful. The others all cheer.
After three more spoonfuls, she can't take any more. "Good enough, Logan?"
"Yes," he replies weakly. "Good enough."
"Great. Mah turn then. Kurt?"
"Dare. Nein, truth. Dare. You choose, Rogue."
Just then, Bender reappears in the doorway. "Something going on?"
They all look at each other. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
To divert Bender's attention, Ororo pulls something out from under the cushion of the chair was sat on and starts playing with it.
"What is that?" Jean enquires, worried, because it looks slightly pervy the way Ororo is playing with it.
"Daredevil's cane," she says casually. She flicks it and a razor-sharp blade flies out the end. "Oops."
"Let me get this straight. You made me drive to a dark alley where my minibus got stolen so you could beat up a blind man and steal his cane?" Bender looks absolutely amazed.
"A few weeks ago, Ah would have thought the same as you, Bender. But after a while you get used to them," Rogue admits. "Ah mean, they're criminals, and they do the most awful things, but they just have different principles to most people."
"You're seriously weird, all of you," Bender says in disgust, catching sight of the remains of the experiment. "I would go home, but as I said, thanks to you, my minibus got stolen."
Ororo presses a button on the side of the cane and a flame springs out of the tip. "Oh, cool! Guys, this is so amazing! It does so many things!"
"Bender, we know you have a thing for Jean, so you won't leave," Kurt says, watching Ororo with some interest. "Ro-ro, does that do anything... you know... fun?"
"As in, nudge-nudge wink-wink kinky fun? I'm still looking." She taps it on the coffee table and something pops out. "Ha, look, proof beyond reasonable doubt that Daredevil is a pervert!"
Kurt grins. "Toll."
"Yes, I quite agree..."
"Hey, someone put the TV on," Jean says. "I sense an urgent newsflash that will have relevance to us."
"Do you always have to talk like that when you're discussing your powers?" Ororo asks. "And can't you just tell us what it is?" She's still playing with the stick.
"Put it on," Jean repeats.
Kurt reaches over and flips it on with his tail.
"--And Daredevil has been found dead in an alleyway."
"Told you," Jean says proudly.
"Will you go out with me?" Ororo begs.
"No!"
"Not even if I dump Kurt?" Ororo asks pleadingly.
Kurt sighs and huddles over to Katherine's feet.
"Shush, all of you! I want to watch this!" Bender insists, and then looks at Logan. "Why the heck are you wearing Ororo's knickers on your head?"
"How do you know who they belong to?" Kurt says suspiciously.
"Shut up!"
"Just ten minutes ago, a local man was depositing his trash in this dumpster, when he found the body of the superhero known as Daredevil. He called an ambulance, but unluckily he was already dead. First reports suggest he was beat up by someone fairly strong who had an upper hand on this beloved superhero. This man is going to talk randomly because I'm not getting paid for this bit. Here, random man.
"I think this is terrible. We loved Daredevil greatly, and whoever beat him up also stole his cane. A terrible, terrible crime, beating up a blind man for his cane."
"Hey!" Ororo cries. "I might've taken his cane, but I didn't beat him up! That was Kurt!"
"Bwaaaarrrrggghhh!" The guy on the news yells as a large bolt of lightning hits him.
When everyone looks at Ororo, she shrugs and says, "Coincidence."
"Two," says Charlie casually. "Spider-Man, and now Daredevil. It's the only way, team. Kill our way to the top!"
"I'll sleep my way to the top if it helps," Jean offers. "Or like, even if it doesn't, I could still do it, if you want."
"Go out with me, Jean!" Ororo howls frustratedly.
"No, Ororo!"
"Yes, Jean!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"Yes! I mean, oh, damn..."
"Ha!" Ororo shrieks delightedly. "You have to go out with me now! Kurt, you're dumped, okay?"
"Okay." He looks casual enough but then he sniffs. Ororo doesn't notice, she's already all over Jean.
"You want to get back together?" Katherine asks, hoping Kurt won't cry.
He smiles. "Yeah, okay."
Bender just stares at them. "Is this normal for you?"
"Says the woman who turns into a man and then back again," Ororo mutters angrily.
"Lucky prat," Rogue mutters.
Bender shows off her mutant power, sliding casually into a man and then back again, and then finally going for left side female and right side male.
"I'm freaked out," Logan admits.
"It looks painful." Rogue winces, knowing all about the pain of going from one gender to the other.
Bender sits cross-legged on the floor, still in her half-and-half form. "It's not. Now. We were watching TV?"
They're just showing random footage of Daredevil doing Daredevil-style things. Flick stick, leap in air, slide down a ramp, swing round a drainpipe, kick man in stripy jumper with "swag" bag in the face, that type of thing.
"Useless idiot," Ororo comments. "We're just as great as him but I bet they wouldn't do it for us if we were dead."
"Only one way to find out!" Charlie cries.
"No suicide, Charlie," Maggie says sternly.
"No, we fake our own deaths!"
"Oh, here we go again," Ororo sighs.
Bender just rolls her eyes.
And he does.
* * * * *
Everyone is sat around, with a drink in their hand: Bender, Charlie, Maggie, Kurt, Rogue, Katherine, Ororo, Jean, Logan, Pietro, and Wanda. Bender and Charlie are discussing leadership with Rogue, while Ororo and Jean argue over their relationship. Katherine and Kurt are talking about Kurt's heterophobia, Wanda playing with her voodoo kit, Pietro talking to his dad. Logan is happy just to watch everyone else settle back down. The house is full again and everyone seems to be friends again, except Wanda who still wants them all dead.
"And another pin for Jean and two more pins for Dad and I wish I had a Bender doll." Wanda holds her Jean and Dad voodoo dolls high in the air and then drops them to the floor, still full of pins. "And as for Pietro..." She carefully takes her scissors and starts carefully slicing the limbs off.
"Wanda, what have I told you about voodoo and your brother?" Maggie asks without turning around.
"I wasn't, Dad, really."
"Wanda, give me the doll."
"Awww, Dad, you ruin all my fun."
"Yes darling, that is what dads are for. Now, it's getting late, you and your brother should be off to bed."
"I don't wanna go! I'm not tired!" Pietro protests.
"I'll take them," Bender offers. "Come along, kids, I'll tell you a story."
After the three of them leave the room, Charlie says, "What now?"
"Truth or dare," Rogue says instantly.
"Yay!" says Charlie enthusiastically.
"Ah get to ask first because Ah wanted to play," Rogue says. "Ah choose... Jean."
"No fair," Jean mumbles. "Alright. Erm... truth."
[A/N: I'm so, so sorry. It's clichéd and BAD, but I couldn't help it, sooner or later it had to happen.]
"Hmm..." Rogue looks thoughtful.
"I've got one," Katherine offers. "Jean, where's the weirdest place you ever..." She pauses. "Did it? And who with?"
"Ohhh, you're so mean!" Jean wails. "How do I choose?"
"Trash can," Logan offers.
"Shed," adds Ororo.
"On top of a washing machine," Logan adds. "Or on Astroturf."
"On a train," Charlie says wickedly.
"On a train with Charlie," Jean admits. "That's the weirdest one."
Rogue shudders. "Ugh. Ah mean, no offence to Charlie, but..."
Jean interrupts before a fight breaks out. "I choose Logan."
"I hate you, Jean."
"Good. Dare, then?"
"Yeah."
Jean smirks. "Ororo's underwear."
"No fair, Jeanie."
"On your head."
"Jean!" Logan howls. "You're cruel!"
"Yes, I know. Kurt, could you fetch them for me?"
"Ja, of course, Jeanie."
Bamf. Few seconds. Bamf. "Here." He holds out the smallest piece of underwear he could find. He tosses it casually to Logan, who looks at it with some disgust.
"Ororo, do you really wear stuff like this?"
"Duh, it's mine! Yes! Who else's would it be? Kurt's?"
Logan shudders. "Please, can we just get this over with? How long do I have to wear it for?"
"Until the game's over," Ororo says casually, sliding off her chair onto the floor.
Logan sighs and pulls it over his hair. "Okay, well, I get to choose someone now. Rogue."
Rogue crosses her legs casually and pulls at a loose strand of hair. "Dare."
Logan thinks hard, racking his brain for something suitably bad. "Ororo's experiments! There's a bowl in the freezer, and in it is ice cream, pizza, spaghetti, peanut butter, a couple of lettuce leaves, and some other odd bits, all mixed together. You have to eat some of it."
Rogue pales for a moment but then looks brave. "Sure. Ah'll do it. No problem. Someone get the bowl and a spoon."
So Kurt fetches the bowl of experiment and a spoon. Rogue carefully pulls the lid off and stares at the concoction. It's a vaguely brownish greenish greyish colour, full of odd lumps. She gulps. "Spoon, German one."
Kurt hands her the spoon, shrugging. "Good luck, Southern one."
She stares at the mixture, and then closes her eyes. She slowly reaches into the bowl with the spoon and pulls up a large spoonful. There's a weird slurp noise as the experiment settles again. Rogue's counting down inside her head. Three. Two. One, in. She swallows the whole spoonful in one go. She doesn't open her eyes and Kurt starts to pray for her safety.
But then she reaches bravely (or stupidly, depending on how you look at it) for the spoon again, and has another mouthful. The others all cheer.
After three more spoonfuls, she can't take any more. "Good enough, Logan?"
"Yes," he replies weakly. "Good enough."
"Great. Mah turn then. Kurt?"
"Dare. Nein, truth. Dare. You choose, Rogue."
Just then, Bender reappears in the doorway. "Something going on?"
They all look at each other. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."
To divert Bender's attention, Ororo pulls something out from under the cushion of the chair was sat on and starts playing with it.
"What is that?" Jean enquires, worried, because it looks slightly pervy the way Ororo is playing with it.
"Daredevil's cane," she says casually. She flicks it and a razor-sharp blade flies out the end. "Oops."
"Let me get this straight. You made me drive to a dark alley where my minibus got stolen so you could beat up a blind man and steal his cane?" Bender looks absolutely amazed.
"A few weeks ago, Ah would have thought the same as you, Bender. But after a while you get used to them," Rogue admits. "Ah mean, they're criminals, and they do the most awful things, but they just have different principles to most people."
"You're seriously weird, all of you," Bender says in disgust, catching sight of the remains of the experiment. "I would go home, but as I said, thanks to you, my minibus got stolen."
Ororo presses a button on the side of the cane and a flame springs out of the tip. "Oh, cool! Guys, this is so amazing! It does so many things!"
"Bender, we know you have a thing for Jean, so you won't leave," Kurt says, watching Ororo with some interest. "Ro-ro, does that do anything... you know... fun?"
"As in, nudge-nudge wink-wink kinky fun? I'm still looking." She taps it on the coffee table and something pops out. "Ha, look, proof beyond reasonable doubt that Daredevil is a pervert!"
Kurt grins. "Toll."
"Yes, I quite agree..."
"Hey, someone put the TV on," Jean says. "I sense an urgent newsflash that will have relevance to us."
"Do you always have to talk like that when you're discussing your powers?" Ororo asks. "And can't you just tell us what it is?" She's still playing with the stick.
"Put it on," Jean repeats.
Kurt reaches over and flips it on with his tail.
"--And Daredevil has been found dead in an alleyway."
"Told you," Jean says proudly.
"Will you go out with me?" Ororo begs.
"No!"
"Not even if I dump Kurt?" Ororo asks pleadingly.
Kurt sighs and huddles over to Katherine's feet.
"Shush, all of you! I want to watch this!" Bender insists, and then looks at Logan. "Why the heck are you wearing Ororo's knickers on your head?"
"How do you know who they belong to?" Kurt says suspiciously.
"Shut up!"
"Just ten minutes ago, a local man was depositing his trash in this dumpster, when he found the body of the superhero known as Daredevil. He called an ambulance, but unluckily he was already dead. First reports suggest he was beat up by someone fairly strong who had an upper hand on this beloved superhero. This man is going to talk randomly because I'm not getting paid for this bit. Here, random man.
"I think this is terrible. We loved Daredevil greatly, and whoever beat him up also stole his cane. A terrible, terrible crime, beating up a blind man for his cane."
"Hey!" Ororo cries. "I might've taken his cane, but I didn't beat him up! That was Kurt!"
"Bwaaaarrrrggghhh!" The guy on the news yells as a large bolt of lightning hits him.
When everyone looks at Ororo, she shrugs and says, "Coincidence."
"Two," says Charlie casually. "Spider-Man, and now Daredevil. It's the only way, team. Kill our way to the top!"
"I'll sleep my way to the top if it helps," Jean offers. "Or like, even if it doesn't, I could still do it, if you want."
"Go out with me, Jean!" Ororo howls frustratedly.
"No, Ororo!"
"Yes, Jean!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
"Yes! I mean, oh, damn..."
"Ha!" Ororo shrieks delightedly. "You have to go out with me now! Kurt, you're dumped, okay?"
"Okay." He looks casual enough but then he sniffs. Ororo doesn't notice, she's already all over Jean.
"You want to get back together?" Katherine asks, hoping Kurt won't cry.
He smiles. "Yeah, okay."
Bender just stares at them. "Is this normal for you?"
"Says the woman who turns into a man and then back again," Ororo mutters angrily.
"Lucky prat," Rogue mutters.
Bender shows off her mutant power, sliding casually into a man and then back again, and then finally going for left side female and right side male.
"I'm freaked out," Logan admits.
"It looks painful." Rogue winces, knowing all about the pain of going from one gender to the other.
Bender sits cross-legged on the floor, still in her half-and-half form. "It's not. Now. We were watching TV?"
They're just showing random footage of Daredevil doing Daredevil-style things. Flick stick, leap in air, slide down a ramp, swing round a drainpipe, kick man in stripy jumper with "swag" bag in the face, that type of thing.
"Useless idiot," Ororo comments. "We're just as great as him but I bet they wouldn't do it for us if we were dead."
"Only one way to find out!" Charlie cries.
"No suicide, Charlie," Maggie says sternly.
"No, we fake our own deaths!"
"Oh, here we go again," Ororo sighs.
Bender just rolls her eyes.