immortal

by cedari

He couldn't let her destroy him ...that wasn't the way it was meant to be. However she was doing just that, for each time he refused the desire to love her, a cell in his heart died. Darker HrD fic. NOTE NOT TO BE COMPLETED

7. Denial and Realization

Immortal

By Cedar1

Disclaimer: Same as ever I am sorry to say!

Chapter 7: Denial and Realization

Previously~~~~~~~~~~*

"What do you want mudblood?" unavoidably annoyance laced his words. With his back still facing her, Hermione jogged towards him, puffing away. " I need to talk to you," she said in between breaths. " Fine. What could you possibly have to say to me?" Draco turned round, gracing her with the sight of his irritated face. And the words just blurted out of her," I love you."

~~~~~~~~~~*

Hermione's hand instantly flew to her big fat mouth, preventing anything else from just popping out. I did not just say that. Please let me not have just said that Hermione prayed, screwing her eyes shut. She chanted the phrase over and over again; hoping repetition would do the trick. She gradually opened her eyes, wishing and praying that all had been righted. However, lady luck was not on her side and judging by the look on Malfoy's face she had done what she had dreaded, proclaimed her "love."

" Errr Errrr . I take that back. I take that all back," stammered Hermione, hers arms waving in the air wildly. " I gotta go now. Yes I have to go."

Well done, eloquently put thought Hermione to herself. Taking slow steps backwards, getting ready to break out into a run and head to her dorm, where she would then precede to find a brown paper bag, into which her head would be placed under for the rest of her natural life. Having got a strategy, Hermione turned round ready to get the hell out of this corridor and away from Malfoy.

Then again with the strong hand clutching her arm, maybe it was time for a new plan..SCREAM.

" Argh Get your hands off me, you bastard!" Hermione yelled in his face. She fruitlessly tried to get out of his grip, using her free hand to pound on the offending iron hand. For all her exertion, the grasp only intensified, his knuckles going white with the effort. 'Ok Come on Hermione you can do this' she cheered to herself. With an all mighty roar Hermione attempted to release herself from his hold, the pounding progressing to scratching and the legs kicking anything that was part of a Malfoy.

***********

Draco allowed her to continue using him as a punch bag knowing that he could keep holding on to her all night if he had to, whereas she. He looked down at the head of curls, the bobble securing the bun lost a while back, moving violently from side-to-side. Whereas she, he bet wouldn't last another five minutes. Although he would have loved to see her defeated by her little work out, the irritating noise that was escaping her lips was seriously damaging his already sensitive ears. No, he would have to teach her a lesson concerning what should happen and what should not in the world.

Saying she loved him, what the fuck was she on? Actually considering her creepy actions on the train, he had truly thought she was using something. So when she said her little declaration he had immediately looked into her eyes, looking for the obvious signs, a dilated pupil or two. But what he had seen, he had been so shocked that he forgot to employ his usual mask of indifference and displayed his emotions for all to see. That's probably why the silly mudblood tried to run away. For what he had seen exhibited no symptoms of prolonged drug or alcohol use, no there was only truth radiating from those blasted eyes. He was normally pleased with himself that he could see right through her and that she could not hide anything, for it made riling her up even more fun because he knew exactly how far he needed to go before he finally pushed her over the edge; but this time he wished he was blind to her feelings. What did she think he was going to do, go down on his knees, profess of his long felt love for her; and then sweep her off her feet and go on to father her mudblood brood. Hell no, he was a bleeding Malfoy. Having fun was one thing, toying with her hell yeah but loving her! Ha! Not bloody likely. No she needed to have a little lesson, starting now.

***********

Hermione was beginning to struggle for breath and her heart felt like it was about to give in, and crash on her. Her energy had drained out of her a while back, now she was running on pure anger, whether it was towards herself or on him she wasn't sure. But saying that, it wasn't doing her much good, she was still in the same crapped up position she was in at the start; and her supposedly terror-inducing screams had deteriorated into pitiful moans of desperation. Shameful tears were beginning to seep through her shut eyes, flowing down her hot face. You should have stayed in the hall, quoted the voice of reason in her head repeatedly. A hand suddenly clapped over her mouth, temporarily stopping her thought process. She stopped breathing. What was he going to do? A range of scenarios flashed through her head each time ending with her body lying prone on the floor. What happened next was possibly even more unsavorily than what she had predicted. Using the grip on her arm he yanked her towards him, bringing her crashing into his chest. Slightly dizzy from either the bang or his cologne she lifted her head from his upper body, not wanting to be suffocated by his robes. She could feel his muscles move beneath her as he shifted his position so he was leaning down, his lips tickling the side of her cheek; and those feelings that had led to this dilemma in the first place came rushing back ten fold.

"Right I'm going to take my hand off your mouth. But that's no reason for you to start doing your banshee impersonation again, ok. Keep it shut. Do you understand?" he whispered. She nodded. His hand slowly moved away from her mouth and glided upwards still it was resting gently, but firmly on her cheek. The skin beneath his touch began to burn, the heat penetrating into her.

" Let me go." What was meant to be a direct command came out as a pathetic plea. There was no question who was in control here, and Draco was willing to use the most of it.

" Now I'm pretty sure I told you to shut that pesky mouth of yours, you know as well as I do how much mess it has got you into today. But hold on, if you really LOVE ME..." emphasizing the words, and reveling in the effect it had on her, for he could feel her immediately stiffen besides him.

"..you wouldn't mind me having my hands on you."

The hand on her arm fell to her hips, shifted through the folds of her robe until it discovered her naked flesh. His fingers idly roamed from her stomach to the small of her back, leaving the tiny hairs on her skin quivering in their wake. He pulled her in closer, so that every inch of her below her neck was pressed against him.

" If you loved me you should be moaning my name right about now, begging for more." Perhaps he knew or perhaps he didn't because if Hermione had the power of speech she would have been doing exactly that. Begging him to keep going, and making him promise he would never lift his fingers off her; because right now she was experiencing pure ecstasy as his hands brought her body to life. Her breath quickened when his wandering hand slid further up, fingers slipping under her bra, stroking the newfound flesh. Now gasping for air, her hands seized his robes; needing the support for fear that her shaky legs would finally give way under her. At the same time the hand on her cheek traveled into her hair, long fingers entwining around the curls.

Suddenly in one quick motion using his grip on her hair he jerked her head upwards, so she was now staring into his eyes. The previously pleasure inducing fingers on her body halted in their ministrations, and instead were pressing painfully into her, pushing against her ribs. She let out a gasp of pain. Maintaining eye contact he brought his lips antagonizing close to her own," So do you still love me?"

"No!" Hermione whispered.

"Good." He let go off her, pushing her away which such force that she found herself being propelled into the wall. With a bone smashing thump she hit the rough bricks, and landed ungracefully on the floor. Every part of her body was aching, and she couldn't bring herself to get up, so she just lay there. Crying.

" Don't you dare mention what happened to anyone, it never happened. What you said, I didn't hear and you didn't feel." His words infiltrated into her hazy head, cutting her. She could vaguely hear him walking away, and she allowed herself to fully relax. Her cheeks were beginning to deaden pressed against the cold marble, and her tears flowed down her face, forming a pool of pain under her. Then he spoke again:

"What made you think I could ever love you? You're a pathetic mudblood; you don't even deserved to be spat on. Like I could ever have feelings for a filthy, dirty, whore like you." The words bounced of the walls, echoing, entering her head again and again. Hermione could feel anger welling up inside her, taking over her until it finally burst from her mouth. She raised herself from the ground, glaring angrily at the man in front her before letting rip.

" You lying bastard. I saw you in the hall, when you looked at me. I could tell by your face you felt something at exactly the same time I did. Don't lie!" she screamed, making sure he heard everything she said, she would not just let him pretend that what had past had not occurred. The words hung heavy in the air, clawing at Draco, suffocating him. The corridor seemed to be closing in on him, bringing him closer to her, preventing any escape from her brown eyes that were staring into him, searching for a reaction. His lungs were constricting within him, as his internal muscles tightened, panicked by the gaze that was breaching his mask of coldness that had taken him years to perfect.

" Hermione are you ok?" questioned Ron, who had just rounded the corner to see Hermione sitting on the floor, sporting a bruised cheek, amongst others. "What did you do to her?" he ordered Malfoy, his face turning red with fury. But Malfoy simply ignored him, as he continued staring at the injured girl on the floor.

For once in his life Draco was happy to see the red headed idiot, as his entrance had broken the wall of tension that Granger's outburst had erected. Grateful for the rapidly evaporating pressure; that had a short time ago been pushing down on him, he took in a much-needed deep breath. Having got air flowing back into his lungs, he ignored whatever was coming out of the Weasel's mouth and gave Granger one final quick glare. He then turned on his heels and stormed to the Slytherin common room, but not before seeing the look of realization in her eyes.

*************

Hermione's vision remained trained on the spot that two silver eyes had occupied recently. In the background she could distantly hear Ron's concerned questions, however she was numb to his light touches for she was still frozen with shock. He hadn't answered her directly, but she saw it in his eyes. In those few seconds she had been witness to the rarely unguarded version of Malfoy. The protecting veil that shielded his eyes from the outside had failed to drop, and for once she was able to decipher the emotions that were told by swirls of blue and silver. She didn't know how she knew, she just did - he had definitely felt something. Maybe he didn't feel love like Hermione did, but something akin to it, or close to it had struck his heart. Oh my god, Hermione shook her head in wonderment, she now actually believed that Malfoy had a heart, despite past doubts. Ok it might still be a rather small one, and rusty from years of abandonment but hell it gave Hermione something to work on. A wave of strength washed over her, and she got up and dusted herself off; much to the surprise of Ron who was ready to run to Madame Pomfrey and declare a state of emergency. The new leash of life had come from the fact that Hermione knew her humiliation had not just earned some laughs from Malfoy, but had hit home. Further evidence that he could be saved, and that a soul was there, waiting for Malfoy to claim it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The feast had finished and the Slytherins were settling back into their common room, cheerfully trading insults concerning the members of the other houses. Even the 1st years were eagerly joining in, already forming prejudices against their follow peers. However when Draco stormed into the room, slamming the portrait to one side (which let out a muffled groan), silence descended in the dungeons. Naturally they were used to the young man's grand entrances, but even these had their different varieties; would you expect less from such a complex individual. They ranged from a saunter, which tended to lead on to detailed stories of the marvelous pranks he had engineered to a full-blown stomp, which they were observing currently. The bulging vein on his forehead was a warning sign, and people scrambled out of his way, those too slow were simply knocked aside, as he commenced to the back of the room, his "private" area.

Draco collapsed angrily on the plump green chair. Grabbing a cup, which had been discarded following his last thinking session, he hurled it in the direction of the opposing wall, while letting out a wail of anger. " Fucking Mudblood!" Shards of porcelain rebounded off the dungeon wall, flying towards his housemates, many of who were now adopting defensive positions. A group of slytherin 1st year girls began to cry in the corner, where they were huddled together. Their noisy tears caused Malfoy to lose his last shred of composure, " Get out, everybody get the fuck out of here!" There was a rush to the exit, as children scampered to get out of the tension filled room, with the older ones pushing the younger ones out of the way because no one wanted to experience the Malfoy wrath up front. Hearing the portrait shut for the last time, and the sound of feet fade down the corridor Draco Malfoy was now in a slightly better mood, he was alone.

Why did she have to bring up the hall situation? Of course it could be said that if Draco had just left, and resisted the urge to fling that final aside that ultimately flipped her lid it wouldn't have happened anyway. But it was a well known fact that Malfoys were never to blame, thus it would be thought off a being the stupid mudblood's fault. "Malfoy!" the sharp tone of his housemaster cut through his thoughts. Draco hadn't even heard the professor enter, and couldn't hide his surprise when he looked up to see the older man bearing down on him.

"Sir?" Draco questioned somewhat confused. Snape was not known to enter the Slytherin quarters, for it contradicted his reclusive status.

"Get up boy!" Snape ordered. Draco immediately stood up to attention, normally he would have left an adequate pause to make it seem like it was his idea, but Snape was not a professor to be toyed with. When he was younger Draco detested the man, despite his obvious favouritism towards the slytherins; needless to say the frequent letters to Lucius detailing his failures had a large part to play in that. Though over the years Draco learned to be grateful for his actions, for through both his and Lucius' tough lessons Draco emerged from being a spoilt brat to an intelligent adult, not forgetting devastatingly handsome, charming .. His brain in full flow, Draco was slow to realize Snape's eyes burning with impatience.

"Malfoy! Have you now acquired the attention span equal to that of Mr Weasley? Is that why you seem to be blatantly ignoring me?" questioned Snape dangerously, his liquid black eyes bubbling. Draco snapped out of his reflections and his cheeks coloured with the insult, " I apologize for my rudeness."

"Granger, Malfoy."

"Excuse me Sir," Draco choked on the words.

" What is happening between the two of you?" Severus didn't believe in beating around the bush.

" Nothing on my part. As you have seen Granger has a tendency to follow me about. Trust me I am not encouraging her," Draco remarked..

Severus scrutinized the young man in front of him, unlike others he could read Draco Malfoy like an open book. Although his facial features didn't waver from their usual disdainful appearance, his eyes were performing a dance of emotions. Generally they were the piece de resistance in Malfoy's front, yet today there seemed to be so many emotions he couldn't control them, and they burst forth. No the boy wasn't wholly lying, but there was definitely something happening between the two. Personally Snape was pleased, obviously he wished the girl hadn't been Granger, but then beggars can't be choosers. Draco Malfoy had been heading down a path trodden by generations of his family, and secretly Severus hoped he would leave tradition behind and follow his own destiny. So far he had been disappointed, for all seemed to be going according to Lucius' plan, but something new, a girl maybe, may awaken something in him..... However Albus didn't share his sentiments and today he had been ordered to keep Malfoy away from the Granger girl. Usually he agreed, be it grudgingly, with the headmaster, but the subject of the younger Malfoy always brought conflict between the two professors. Albus seemed adamant that Draco had been lost completely to the dark side, and was suspicious of Draco's intentions towards Granger, so with a reluctant heart he said,

" Keep away from her, she is not worth your trouble. Well since you decided to leave the ceremony somewhat early, I was unable to show you to your room. So unless you have something more important to ponder over I suggest you follow me."

Obviously Draco wasn't going to argue and merely nodded. Keeping up with Snape's brisk stride he made his way through winding corridors and changing staircases. Draco had completely forgotten that being head boy came with the privilege of having your own room, finally somewhere he could think without having Slytherin girls gawking at him and boys trying to go out of their way to please him (most times he enjoyed it, but every guy needs his space). The pair stopped at the painting of two middle-aged women who were spiritedly talking to one another, "And do you know what Boris said to me, that forgetful fool, that in 1839, 1839 I tell you, he proposed to me. When obviously it was 1840. You can imagine how I felt!" Her avid audience tutted and furiously nodded her head at the correct stages. Listening to their inane conversation, Draco hoped upon all hopes that what lay beyond the portrait was not his chambers but a secret passageway that led to a sane portrait. Yet considering the way his day had turned shittier at every moment Draco was hardly shocked when Snape said.. "Ladies.." bringing the conversation to a halt, " .I would like you to meet the new head boy, Draco Malfoy." Draco was sure he caught Snape smirking in the corner of his eye, but the unreadable expression quickly returned as he turned to face him, " Well Malfoy, don't be late for potions tomorrow, and never throw your housemates out of the common room again." With a final glare Snape left, his robe customarily billowing behind him.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

" Hermione, what did Malfoy do to you?" questioned Ron, his face twisted in an ugly mixture of anger and concern.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," lied Hermione again, as she began to walk away from Ron.

A hand reached out and grabbed one of her own, " Don't lie to me," he pleaded. At that moment Hermione decided to never lie again, if Ron could see through even her best attempts she was shit at it. Hermione turned round to face him, her mind spinning with possible answers, but none came out, she only looked at Ron blankly, her eyes begging him to leave her be. But Ron being the kind hearted person that he was, would not, or could not; instead he pulled her other hand into his, imprisoning both of hers in his. She stared at their tangle of fingers, she could feel his blue eyes calling to hers to meet his gaze; and unwillingly she felt her body to respond. Honest sentiments poured out of his eyes and lips, " I understand that you don't want to tell me. Harry told me what you said on the train. I admit I was angry at first and I suppose I still am, but look at what he's done to you." His fingers grazed against her bruised cheek, Hermione recoiled at the gesture; for it was awkward and too intimate and to her disgrace she found herself thinking, it was not Malfoy touching her. Her reaction however went unnoticed by Ron, who left his fingers uncomfortably, for Hermione, floating centimeters from her cheek as he carried on speaking, " You have to realize nothing can happen between the two of you. He is a cold- hearted bastard, who deserves to rot in hell. You have to forget this stupidity." Hermione had to control herself from ripping her hands from his hold when she heard his last words. Inside she was screaming, 'its not stupidity, there is something and I know he felt it.' Although desperate to defend herself, Hermione remained mute, this was after all what she wanted. Ron had forgiven her, in spite of her behaviour; she couldn't lose one of her best friends for the second time in a day. Taking her silence as acceptance, Ron wrapped his long arms around her and gathered her tiny frame into a friendly hug. Hermione didn't stop him, but she felt uneasy squashed against him and a prickly sensation swept over her. Somehow Malfoy had, in a few forbidden touches, poisoned her against her friends; hugs, which had been shared frequently in the past, now overwhelmed her with feelings of guilt and dirtiness.

After painfully long minutes he at last released her from the confines of his embrace, and her skin stopped crawling in repulsion. "Harry?" she questioned, and for the first time Ron was reluctant to meet her gaze, deliberately avoiding eye contact.

"He's angry Hermione, really angry. The whole thing really hurt him." Sensing her body slump beside him Ron quickly changed tact, " But don't worry I'll talk to him. I'll tell him what Malfoy did to you and that you have realized you were wrong about your feelings. He'll forgive you Hermione, he loves you. We both do." Hermione smiled half-heartedly at his kind words. " Well lets forget the blonde ferret, I came to get you because you left before McGonagall could tell you where your new chambers were," Ron said, trying to inject a lighter mood into the somber atmosphere. Hermione allowed herself to be pulled by Ron to the great hall, where Professor McGonagall was waiting her arrival.

" Miss Granger I hope you had an enjoyable holiday." However her smile collapsed into a frown as Hermione approached her, her eyes taking in her disheveled appearance and bruised cheek, worthy of a Quidditch match. " Oh my! What happened? You should go to the infirmary," her eyes fixed on the ever-darkening bruise.

"I'm fine, professor McGonagall."

Minerva looked a Ron who was still at Hermione's side, he merely shrugged. No doubt this has something to do with Mister Malfoy, Albus informed her off the unusual relationship between the two top students, and seeing Hermione like this she made a mental note to tell Albus of the new development. " If you are sure Miss Granger," the skeptism evident in her voice, "If you're ready I'll take you to your chambers." Hermione nodded and started to follow her favourite teacher out of the hall, "See you later Hermione," said Ron as she closed the door behind her, leaving Ron in the hall by himself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Hermione inspected her reflection in the full-length mirror in front of her. Her cheek was chump change compared to her back, her creamy skin had effectively serviced as a blank canvas for Malfoy; who created a picture of blue-black marks and jagged red scrapes. Rolling her shoulders back, Hermione flinched at the pain that shot through her spine. Grabbing the old T-Shirt that lay waiting on the bed, she gently put in on, gritting at the twinges that the movement sparked. The ache had intensified as she settled into her new chambers, which she thought was beautiful. Wooden floorboards, rich red drapes hanging from the large windows, luxurious chairs, a large table, an open fire and that was just the common room. Her bedroom showboated an extremely comfortable bed, a large cupboard and not forgetting the adjoining bathroom. Professor McGonnagal had continued giving her concerned sideways glances throughout their walk to her quarters, and made one final appeal for Hermione to go and see Madame Pomfrey before leaving her in front of the portrait of Wendelin the Weird. Hermione again refused, now as she struggled getting into bed she wished she hadn't. Trying to blank out the throbbing, Hermione closed her eyes, focusing on the darkness that shrouded her. But the final image on her mind were two beautiful silver orbs, before sleep overtook her weary body.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Draco leaned back lazily on his chair, stretching his arms and legs, getting rid of the tightness that had overcome his muscles. His head, heavy, with the weight of thoughts churning over in his mind. After having an excruciatingly mindless conversation with the two old bags in the portrait, he had finally made it into his headquarters. Personally he gave it a week before he officially burned the damn thing. The chambers themselves were quite adequate, as a Malfoy he was accustomed to the luxury that they exhibited; common room, private bathroom, four-poster bed. All in all if the day had gone to the usual plan, he would have been a happy bunny, but no, life was shitty that way and Draco would remain thinking that this had been the worst 1st day of school in his entire Hogwarts career. At least he thought with satisfaction one thing is out of the way, as he examined his fingers, which were stained with ink. The letter to his mother, concerning the whole Pansy situation, had been sent, one job done. As for the Granger problem, he was going to take Snape's advice and simply ignore her.

He got up from the plush armchair and entered the large bedroom, not bothering to turn on the lights as he began to strip in the dark. His newly exposed pale skin luminating the room, as he pulled back the sheets of his spacious bed. Settling in between the satin, he stared up at the ceiling. The image of Granger on the floor was created from the swirling shadows, and stared back at him. Her face glistening with tears that he had caused, her cheek stained blue-black, again his doing. Unconsciously an arm raised itself from the bed, and the fingers moved in the air, trying to remove the tears and bruise that marred her features. However they remained and her angry eyes burned into him. The brown hues of her big eyes shifted till they were no longer conveying rage but the gentle feeling of realization. The arm instantly dropped, and hit the bed with a thump. He still didn't understand why he didn't lie and just said that he didn't feel anything. It wasn't like he was new to lying, like Granger; they normally slipped from his lips as smoothly as silk. But in that moment he couldn't do it, an invisible barrier had assembled inside him, preventing any dishonest comments from being uttered. He panicked, forgetting to control his emotions, and he saw the consequences of his actions in her eyes. She knew, she knew that he also felt something, that was going to make the tactic of ignoring her harder, for knowing that fact and being the perfect example of Gryffindor stubbornness she wouldn't be easy to put off. But it had to be done. What he felt had been nothing. She was a mudblood, and a Gryffindor with that; he was a respectable Pureblood with a powerful future waiting for him, their relationship could only ever be one of hatred. Despite his conclusions, he fell to sleep oblivious to the fact that a smile had formed on his face knowing he was not the only one exercising the act of denial, he had seen through her when he asked whether or not she loved him; and though her lips said 'no' her eyes screamed a different story.

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A/N I tried not be too fluffy, hope its alrite. And this is probably gonna make me sound really slow but I've just realized that only a day has passed in the story. So if I'm gonna finish this in the nxt 5yrs I promise I'll start speeding things up a bit, sorry. I'll try and get the nxt chappie out before I go on holiday, depends if I have a brain storm or not, same goes for chap 3 of 'Another Chance?' - me other story in case u don't know. Of course the more reviews I get, the more likely brain activity will occur - hint, hint! All r welcome, from the happy to the darn rite mean!

Now to thank those who reviewed my last chapter:

Mesmer: cheers, I braved it and went 4 reality, hope twas alrite

Serpent Du Feu: harrassement cumin along little by little!

Hahero01:glad u liked it, I know I was confused when the site decided to change stuff around. Am well happy I'm on u're favourites list!

Jujujew: thanx! Please tell me if the characters go a bit off, I really need all the help I can get

Thalion1: Sorry if I'm updating slow, am tryin to get stuff ready 4 uni and is a complete nitemare! Hope this longish chap makes up 4 it! Please keep sending u're brill reviews - oh and hope u had a gud hol!

Tsukino Hikari2: thanx! Read ure review after doin chap, but think the idea about ron and Harry is really gud, and will prob keep Harry in annoyed mode 4 a bit longer! Plaese keep u're ideas cumin, they're really helpful!

((( Cheers, bye 4 now (((