Me: Here's the first real chapter of this parody!

BWG: (Deadpan) Yay.

Disclaimer: See last chapter.

A large red reptile was quietly sleeping the day away at the top of a large watchtower. He licked his lips, dreaming of an endless supply of tasty bread. A Lopmon climbed to the top of the watchtower, saw the snoozing reptile, and shook her head. "Big brother! Big brother, get up!"

The reptile snorted and cracked an eye open. "Wha?"

The Lopmon ran over to him. "Big brother, wake up! Do you know what today is?"

"…No."

Lopmon frowned. "Of course you do, silly! It's that special day that happens every year…the holiday where you get presents and stuff…the day where Grandma makes us that special helping of her world-famous Elixir Soup…you know what day I'm talking about!"

Guilmon instantly got to his feet. "Oh boy! It's Hanukkah already?"

Lopmon stared at him for a moment. "…You really don't know what day it is, do you?"

Guilmon 's face started drooping. "You mean it isn't Hanukkah yet?"

"No, it's your birthday!"

"Oh." There was a pause. "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY?!"

The bunny smiled happily. "Yup! Today you're twelve years old! Happy Birthday!"

Guilmon shook his head in disbelief. "Wow, I'm that old already? Geez, and it seems like I was only eleven just yesterday!" he joked.

Lopmon giggled. "Oh, Grandma sent me to wake you up. She has a special birthday present for you waiting at home!"

"Oh boy! Wait…what about you?"

"What about me?

"Aren't you gonna give me something?"

Lopmon shook her head. "You're not gonna get my present until you see Grandma! Once she gives you her present, come back and I'll give you mine!"

"Oh…okay." He said, slightly disappointed. "I'll be back soon! Don't leave, okay?"

Lopmon giggled. "Don't worry, I'm going to talk with my seagull friends. See ya!" She hopped onto a railing and started chirping as dozens of seagull started to make a beeline for the watchtower.

Guilmon scratched his head. "Seagulls really like her for some reason…" He went over to the ladder, slid down, and began walking across the pier to the shoreline of Outset Island, his home since birth.

Outset was a surprisingly large island at the edge of what many called the Great Sea and home to a small fishing town. Guilmon and his sister Lopmon lived with their grandmother Babamon in a house near the western side of the island. He headed home, passing his neighbors (All of whom gave him a hearty birthday greeting) and opened his front door. "Grandma, I'm home!"

Babamon poked her head out of the kitchen. "Oh, Guilmon darling, you're here! Did Lopmon give you my message?"

"Yep! So, where's my present?" asked Guilmon eagerly.

"Right here!" Babamon held out…absolutely nothing. Really, her hands were completely empty.

Guilmon sweatdropped. "Um…what is it?"

"These are special clothes I knitted for you! They're magic, and only honest people can see them! Go on, put them on!" said the old witch.

Stifling an urge to question out loud his grandmother's sanity, Guilmon took the "clothes" from Babamon and "put them on". "Um…how do I look?" asked Guilmon, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

The Ancient sniffed. "Oh, you look wonderful! Just like your father did when he was your age, bless his spirit!" Babamon wiped her face with her sleeve and pushed Guilmon away. "I've kept you too long. Go on, your sister's waiting for you. Mustn't make her worried, after all!"

"Uh, right. Bye Grandma!" Guilmon left the house, thinking to himself that poor Babamon was getting senile. Ah, the ravages of age…

He quickly made his way back to the watchtower, which was now full of seagulls. Most of the birds flew away as he climbed up the ladder, alerting Lopmon to his presence, "Hi big brother! What did Grandma give you?"

"A new set of clothes."

"Ooh! Let me see!"

"You already have, I'm wearing them."

"…But you're not wearing anything."

"Exactly. She said they were 'magic' clothes that could only be seen by honest people."

Lopmon laughed. "Hey, do you want your present? I promise it's something you can actually see!" Guilmon nodded vigorously. "Okay…close your eyes and hold out your hands!"

Guilmon frowned. "Wait…you're not going to make the seagulls poop on me again, are you?"

Lopmon scowled. "I only did that once!"

"Yeah, and it took all day to wash it off the last time!"

"The seagulls are NOT going to poop on you, okay? So close your eyes so I can give you your birthday present already!" Guilmon immediately closed his eyes. He felt Lopmon put something in his claws. "Okay, open them!"

Guilmon opened his eyes and saw…Lopmon's prized telescope. The telescope was his little sister's most cherished possession, the last thing their mother had given to her before she disappeared. Lopmon had painted seagulls onto the scope in honor of her feathered friends. "Lopmon…I can't take this thing!" he said, shocked that she was giving this to him.

She smiled. "Relax, I'm not just giving it to you! You can have it for the day, but I want it back tomorrow, got it?"

"Got it." He said, relieved.

"Why don't you try it out? You can see all kinds of things through that!" Guilmon shrugged and put the telescope to his eye.

He zoomed in the telescope to look at his house. He panned over to take a look at the mailbox. "Hee hee, the mailman looks kind of silly doesn't he?" he said, watching as the Silphymon collected the outgoing letters and started flapping his arms to achieve flight.

"Guilmon, Grandma said we're not supposed to make fun of the bird Digimon…hey, what's that?" said Lopmon, pointing at something in the air.

Guilmon looked up with the telescope and gasped. There was an enormous bird Digimon, a golden Hououmon, flying towards the island! He thought he saw something in its talons and zoomed in to see it. He gasped again when he saw that the giant bird was carrying an unconscious yellow Digimon in its talons. He then saw several big rocks hurtle towards the Hououmon. Guilmon quickly found the source of the rocks, a huge pirate ship! There was a small catapult at the bow of the ship that was launching the rocks. The pirates on the deck loaded another salvo of rocks into the catapult and fired. Most of the rocks missed, but one just happened to smack the giant phoenix on the head. Stunned, the bird dropped the yellow Digimon into the small forest at the highest point on the island and flew away. He took the telescope from his eye and blinked. "Well, you don't see something like that every day."

Lopmon shoved Guilmon towards the ladder. "Come on, you've got to go save that Digimon!"

The reptile sputtered. "M-me! Why do I have to go?"

"Lots of reasons. One, that Digimon fell into the forest, which you know better than anyone on the island. Two, island law dictates that on any given person's birthday, said person must accomplish at least one good deed. Three, you're at the top of your class in combat training, so you're best suited to fight off anything that might be in the forest. Four, if you don't I'll start crying." She said threateningly.

Guilmon grumbled. "Lopmon, that's not gonna work on me anymore." Her eyes started to get really big as she began sniffling. Her eyes began watering, and tears started streaming down her face as her brother tried not to pay attention. She started making horrible gasping noises while trembling like a leaf. Just as she was about to begin the real waterworks, Guilmon caved in. "Okay, okay! I'll do it already!"

Lopmon was instantly better. "I knew you would do it! Have fun, Big Brother!"

Grumbling to himself about annoying siblings, Guilmon climbed down the ladder. Lopmon had said there might be trouble in the forest, so he should probably go see his trainer MasterTyrannomon about a weapon…

When Guilmon entered the training dojo, he saw the heavily scarred MasterTyrannomon practicing his strength against the wall. He looked over as he heard the door close. "Ah, Guilmon, my star pupil! We don't have class today, so may I ask why you have come to visit me?"

Guilmon bowed his head. "Sensei, I was wondering if I could borrow a sword. I need it to-"

The dinosaur held up a claw. "I do not need to know your reasons." He said gravely. "Guilmon, taking a weapon out of this dojo is no small matter. How do I know you will not use it to hurt those who are innocent?"

Guilmon winced a little. "Sensei, I promise I won't use it to hurt anyone. I just need it for a little while, and then I'll bring it right back, honest!"

MasterTyrannomon frowned. "Hmm…I will allow you to take a sword to do whatever business you may have with it. But first," he said, before Guilmon could thank him. "First I would like to give you a special lesson. It is your birthday, after all. Shall I give it to you? It may come in handy."

"Okay." Said Guilmon, surprised.

MasterTyrannomon pulled a wooden sword and a pole off of the wall. He tossed the sword to Guilmon and held out his stick in a defensive position. "I am about to teach you a very difficult move. Many have attempted to learn it and failed, so don't fret if you can't do this. You'll still get your sword."

Guilmon nodded. "Let's try it."

"First, extend your blade as if you were preparing for a spin attack." Guilmon did so. "Now, picture the sword in your mind. Concentrate on the sword. Think of the sword as an extension of your body. Focus your will into the blade." Guilmon closed his eyes, his brow tense with concentration. "That's it…focus…focus…"

Red energy gathered around the sword, and the entire blade turned into a shimmering mass of scarlet flame! MasterTyrannomon's eyes widened in surprise. Guilmon cried out and released the energy in his sword, spinning all over the place like a red tornado, smashing into the dinosaur numerous times before finally slamming into a wall. Dazed, Guilmon staggered to his feet. "Whoa…that was a rush." He saw MasterTyrannomon was crying. "Sensei, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

The dinosaur smiled through his tears. "No, nothing's wrong, my boy. In fact, you've made me happier than I can ever remember. That move you just executed was the Hurricane Spin attack, which took me most of my life to master. You learned it on your first try." Guilmon's jaw dropped. The dinosaur pulled a scabbard and a real sword, one made of metal, down from the wall and tossed it to Guilmon. "Here. This is yours now. You came here seeking to borrow a weapon, and instead you will walk away with one of your own."

"You mean I can keep it?" asked Guilmon in disbelief.

MasterTyrannomon nodded. "Think of it as another birthday present. That sword was wielded by heroes of the past. I think it will find a better home with you than just sitting on my wall."

Guilmon bowed and sheathed his new sword away. "Thank you, sensei. I will use it well."

After leaving the dojo with his new weapon, Guilmon started out for the forest. He climbed up a trail leading to the top of one of the island's two mountains, where he found the bridge leading across to the forest. He crossed the bridge and entered the shadowy wood. The forest was really quite small and Guilmon was quickly able to see the Digimon that had fallen from the talons of the Hououmon. It was hanging from the branch of a tree near the middle of the forest, still unconscious. Now that he was up close, Guilmon could see the Digimon was female. She looked like a large bipedal fox, with purple gloves and a bandana around her neck. It was this bandana that had gotten stuck on the branch, and probably saved the female from getting killed by the fall from the sky. "She's really pretty…" The reptile whispered.

That's when he heard a growling noise. He turned around and saw a gray rabbit-like creature with claws and a long tail. It was a Gazimon! The feral monster growled and leapt at him, probably wanting a taste of his data. Guilmon drew his sword and hit the rabbit with a vertical slice. He followed that up with a couple of horizontal cuts, and the small Digimon was destroyed in seconds. As he loaded the data, he heard a squawking noise. He looked up and saw a pair of Birdramon fly overhead and drop two more Gazimon into the forest before soaring away. These Gazimon looked slightly more ferocious, and carried swords. Despite this fact, they were quickly dispatched with little trouble. After Guilmon had finished off the last Gazimon's data, the fox woke up. "Unh…what? Where am I?" She started struggling, trying to get free of the branch. It snapped, and she started falling. Guilmon tried to catch her, but he needn't have bothered. The fox landed lightly on her feet, much like a cat. It was then that she noticed Guilmon. "Who are you?"

"Guilmon…"

He was about to tell her how he had come here to rescue her when there was a loud shout from nearby. A Monzaemon ran into the clearing, followed by a Bokomon. "Miss Renamon, thank goodness you're all right!" said the Puppet.

Renamon did not look pleased. "Monzaemon, what are we doing in the middle of a forest?"

The book-carrying Bokomon spoke up. "Miss Renamon, don't you remember? That giant Hououmon snatched you off of the ship to take you to who-knows-where! If we hadn't pursued it and made it drop you, you could have been fed to its young by now!"

Renamon nodded. "Ah, I remember now. In that case, WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO RESCUE ME?"

The two pirates flinched. "Um, well, we had to dock first, then climb all the way up here…" said Monzaemon.

"And when we got here, we saw a bunch of Gazimon that looked like they could be dangerous! We would have attacked them of course, but that young lad over there was doing such a fine job killing them that we didn't think we should bother." Said Bokomon nervously.

Renamon turned to Guilmon. "You killed a group of Gazimon?" she asked in disbelief.

"Well, I saw you fall into the forest, so I came up here to rescue you, and…well, I wouldn't be a good rescuer if I let you get eaten by Gazimon, right?" said Guilmon, slightly embarrassed.

Renamon looked back at the pirates. "What is this world coming to? A bunch of rabid Gazimon try to take advantage of my unconscious state, and a preteen with a sword does the duty that a pair of strong, fearless pirates owe to their captain! When we get back to the ship, I'm putting both of you on barnacle duty for the next two weeks." They gulped. "And as for you," she said, turning back to Guilmon. "Thank you for saving my life. I will try to repay the favor sometime." She turned away and started to walk towards the exit. The upset pirates followed her, and Guilmon soon took up the rear.

When they got out into the fresh air, Guilmon was astonished to see Lopmon at the other end of the bridge. "Big brother!" she yelled, starting to run across the bridge.

Guilmon was about to push past the pirates to meet her when Bokomon suddenly gasped and pointed in the air. "It-it's back!"

Everyone looked where he was pointing. The Hououmon from before was flying right towards them! The giant bird screeched in pleasure as it saw Lopmon running across the bridge. The bunny turned her head and screamed at the sight of the bird. The Hououmon swooped across the bridge, snatching Lopmon in its talons and destroying the bridge completely. "BROTHER!" Lopmon screamed as the bird started flying away.

"Lopmon!" Without thinking, Guilmon started running towards the edge of the cliff. He leaped off, as if to pursue the Hououmon, only to start falling.

At the last second, Renamon's hand grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and pulled him back up. "What are you, crazy?! You can't go after that thing!"

Guilmon stared in horror as the bird receded into the horizon. "No…Lopmon…"

After they had somehow gotten back down to the shoreline, where the pirate ship was docked, Guilmon had the brilliant idea that maybe the pirates could take him on their ship and go after Lopmon. The response was not what he had hoped. "Absolutely not." Said Renamon.

"But why not?" asked Guilmon pitifully.

"Because we have no reason to. If that was your sister the bird took, it's your problem, not ours. Although I wouldn't mind having revenge against that flying pillowcase, I see no reason why we should waste time and supplies going after it. We're pirates, not a cruise service. You can get your own boat." She said curtly.

"But I saved your life! You said you would repay the favor!" he protested.

"I did. I prevented you from falling off that cliff. My debt is paid in full, and I have no reason to continue association with you OR help you out." She said.

"Actually, I think I do." Silphymon the postman walked over. "I believe that you, Miss Renamon, are fully obligated to help out young Guilmon here rescue his sister."

"And why is that?" she asked.

The Animal folded his arms. "As a postman, I fly all over the Great Sea, and I've been hearing the most interesting rumors recently. It seems that a giant bird matching the description of that Hououmon has recently kidnapped young girls all over the sea. Rumor also has it that the bird takes these girls to a place called the Forsaken Fortress."

"What does that have to do with us?" said Monzaemon.

"Last time I checked, your captain is a young girl isn't she? The Hououmon was probably trying to take her to the fortress. Since it got hit so badly on the head by that rock of yours, it's probable that it was confused enough to think that Lopmon was you, Miss Renamon." Explained Silphymon.

"So?"

"So…last time I checked, the Law of the Sea states that if a kidnapper mistakes someone else for his/her/its intended victim, the true intended victim must assist in any rescue attempt for the mistaken person." Said Silphymon.

Renamon glanced at Bokomon. He opened his book and flipped through the pages for a while before looking up. "He's right. The Law of the Sea, Clause 4, Article 10, Section 3 states that you will have to assist in the rescue of Lopmon since she was taken by mistake instead of you."

Renamon growled. "Fine. We'll go rescue the bunny girl."

"Great, let's go!" said Guilmon happily.

Renamon held up a hand. "Not so fast. If you want to come aboard for this rescue, you'll need a shield."

"Why?"

"The Forsaken Fortress is a very dangerous place. A sword is all good and well for fighting, but what would you do for defense without a shield?"

"…Yeah, good point. Okay, wait right here, I know where to find a shield!" he started running for his house.

Guilmon burst into the house and started for the attic. He had played up here dozens of times when he was a little younger, and he could easily recall a sturdy metal shield hanging from the wall. It was a little old, but he figured it would still be usable. But when he got to the attic, he was surprised to find that the shield was gone! Where is it? I know I saw it up here just a few days ago…maybe Grandma moved it. Yeah, I'll go ask her! He climbed down from the attic and went to the kitchen. "Grandma, have you seen-" He stopped. Grandma was standing by the stove, her back to him. "Grandma?"

Babamon slowly turned around. "Guilmon…where is Lopmon?"

He paused. He suddenly realized that he would need to tell her that his sister was gone, and that he was leaving. "She's-"

"She's gone, isn't she?" Guilmon nodded sadly. Babamon shuddered. "I knew it…I could feel it in my old bones that one of my grandchildren was leaving the island…and I also felt that my other grandchild would soon follow. You're leaving too, aren't you?"

"…Yes."

Babamon nodded. "I see." She hesitated, then pulled out an old, ornate shield. She handed it to him. "I believe this is what you were looking for. This shield has been in our family for generations. Take good care of it." Guilmon nodded and strapped the shield onto his back. "And Guilmon…bring Lopmon back safely."

Guilmon could see she was trying very hard not to cry. "I will, Grandma." Holding back his own tears, he walked away.

Everyone on the island stood on the beach to watch as the pirate ship prepared to set sail. A burly GrappLeomon rang the ship's gong. The sails unfurled, catching the wind. The vessel started to sail out of the dock and out to sea. The islanders waved enthusiastically to Guilmon, who was standing at the stern and waving back. As the ship moved further away from Outset, he saw Babamon standing on the seaside balcony of the house. She looked sadly out to him. Guilmon stopped waving. "It's not too late, you know." Said Renamon.

Guilmon almost fell off the stern. He hadn't even known she was behind him! "Too late for what?" he asked.

"We can still go back. We could turn around and leave you there, if you want. You don't have to leave your home." She offered.

Guilmon looked back at the house, at the stooped figure of Babamon. "I'm not going back without my sister." He said.

She shrugged. "Well, if you're sure." She walked away.

Guilmon started waving again, more vigorously than before. He didn't stop waving until Outset was nothing more than a speck on the edge of the horizon.

Me: And so it begins.

BWG: Yippee.

Me: Why do you have such a bad attitude?

BWG: Maybe because I'm being held hostage by a demented Raichu who thinks he's a good writer.

Me:…That was uncalled for.

BWG: What are you going to do about it?

Me: I could discipline you. I am your Tamer.

BWG: Go right ahead. Discipline me to your heart's desire. I'll only hate you more.

Me:…Let's go to the fanmail.

Golden Lancer SE, it never occurred to me to cast Gatomon as Zelda. Actually, I had this crazy idea to write a OoT parody a while back with Impmon as the hero and Gatomon as Zelda, but I scrapped that plan. When I was looking for the guy to play Link in this parody of WW, Takato was the first guy to come into my mind. But since this is Digimon only, that immediately led me to Guilmon. And since I am a strong supporter of Guilmon/Renamon romance, the choice for Zelda was obvious. (Besides, I can't quite see Gatomon filling in Tetra's role. She doesn't quite have the same toughness factor that Renamon does.)

D3fan, I am HONORED to be reviewed by you. I LOVED your Perfect Couple series. It was probably what helped me become a Guilmon/Renamon supporter in the first place.

HVK, thanks for the claw weapons. Hmm, maybe I could give them to my partner in an attempt to win him over. (BWG: Fat chance!) I'd love to help with your quiz, but I need to know what topic it is to make up questions. Thanks for the armor too, and I'll try to think of some questions, okay?

Genkimon, how'd you figure out the bad guy so fast? Well, I suppose it was obvious. Maybe it was a mistake to name the Hero of Time. Then again, the Dark Area reference probably didn't help either. I was originally planning to use Myotismon or maybe even Daemon, but then, while watching the last few episodes of Season 4, I realized that a certain villain from that series might be a better choice.

By the way, can anyone figure out what the crimson-and-black power is?

BWG: I know! It's the-

Me: Quiet! Are you trying to spoil the plot?!

BWG: Yes.

Me: Grrr…please review!