Chapter 17

In about another month she decided she was ready. And that month was fun stuff. All we did was hang out. We both worked out a lot and played with Claudette a lot and watched movies a lot. And we were all together, the three of us. She bought new equipment, not letting me chip in, and set it up in the foyer outside of the nursery. So while we lifted weights or jogged on a treadmill or even just laid down to do pushups or sit-ups we were outside her room, close to her, together. A family.

About a week after we'd started working out almost constantly we had moved a television into the room as well, making it possible to watch or listen to a movie while we worked. And sometimes we'd put Claudette in her little baby carrier thing and she'd watch, too, just staring at the screen with her mouth handing open.

The night we came back it was Monday, and I made my huge awesome redebut on Raw. Mark was fooling around with his ministry and- BOOM!- here comes Kane to take revenge. I took out the  whole group of them, exhilarated by being there again. And then backstage we shot a promo of Amber, me on my knees with her hand on my forehead. It was supposed to look like she'd gone evil from when she'd set me on fire and now was controlling my mind. And as she did this she held Claudette, who for the moment sported a red and black Christening gown. Of course, Jake was with us, too, just not in the promo. But we hadn't forgotten him. And he had a pretty little carrying case cage thing. The inside was lined with fur. Ha. What more could a duck want?

Vince had laughed at us. "So not one, but two new recruits for us. A girl and a…duck."

Late on during our first night, after word had spread of Jake, Al Snow paid us a visit. Al was one of my best friends, keep in mind, and when I saw the look in his eye I knew that he wanted something.

"So what do you want now?" I groaned. Meanwhile I was getting nervous as he held my daughter while he grinned like a lunatic.

"Well…"

"Yeah?"

"I had Head, right? And Pierre…so can I use…or, borrow, maybe…Jake?"

All I could do was laugh. I laughed and laughed and laughed. The look on his face absolutely priceless, hope mixed with insanity. And as much as I wanted to answer him and tell that, yes, he could use Jake, I just couldn't stop laughing for long enough tell him. I don't even know why I thought it was so funny. Maybe just because of the look on his face.

As if that wasn't enough, Mick walked in while all of this was happening. He let out one of his stoned sounding squeaky laughs/giggles. "What's so funny?"

Al sighed. "Nothing, Cactus. He's laughing at me."

Mick laughed. "Hey, Kane, what's the difference between an Al Snow match and a bag of shit?"

I couldn't answer him and he told me the answer without waiting for a reply.

"The bag," he said. I fell onto the floor, holding my stomach. If that wasn't enough, Steve just had to burst into the room.

"What's up with him?" he asked, accent thick. "I just thoughta the funniest catch but they won let me use it. They said it's dumb. It would be that every time a person said something to me, I'd go: What? Oh wouldn't that be funny? They told me it's dumb. Maybe I'll bring it up again in a few years."

Al's eyebrows raised as he thought about it. "So you-d"

"WHAT!"

"So you-d"

"WHAT!

Mick laughed. Austin turned to him and glared. "WHAT? You think it's funny, WHAT? You're pathetic, WHAT, I said you're pathetic!"

I looked up for a moment to see Paul Wight. He hovered in the doorway. "What's all this noise going on?"

"WHAT?"

Paul laughed. So did Al, Mick, and Steve. And of course I did too because I couldn't stop. It plagued me. Ha. A Plague of Laughter…how supremely evil…it wasn't even that funny. But by then I guess it was one of those contagious things. The way laughter had a tendency to be.

And then another voice filled the room as Mark, literally, jumped through the doorway, knocking into Paul who almost fell onto Al. I saw as Al held Claudette close to him and his eyes widened into an even funnier expression.

Mark's booming voice went through us. "REST IN PEACE!"

"WHAT!"

"Steve that's getting-" Al started to say.

"WHAT!"

Al stared back up and used his own weapons against him. "WHAT!"

"WHAT!"

"WHAT!"

"Do you know what my watch is saying?"

Everyone at that point stopped, confused, except me. My laughter had evolved into giggles. Mark frowned. "Did I miss something? What in the hell is going on?"

Steve's face hardened, as if he was about to WHAT Mark, but then he broke down and laughed as well. Mark shook his head to himself. He looked at me, "Hehey, Kane, what's going on?"

I pulled my mask off, covering my face with my hands and shaking my head, trying to breathe. Finally everyone seemed to just be staring at me and stopped talking an WHATing each other for long enough to let me catch myself. They edged their way into the room and gathered around me as I managed to push myself up off the floor, finally silenced. I breathed heavily for a moment and my initial thought was to look to Claudette and make sure that she hadn't been disturbed by this chaos, which she wasn't and still slept soundly. Mark asked the question that everyone had wanted to know. "Kane what the hell is so funny?"

I sighed. "I don't know."

They stared at me with a bit of incredulity. Steve squinted his eyes a bit as he stared at me.

"What?"

I laughed again, this time not hysterically but just softly, and ran a hand through my hair. "Funny," I muttered. I looked back to Al, whose mustache made him look like he was frowning.

"Yeah, Al. You can borrow Jake."

"I don't understand you guys at all," Paul mumbled, and walked out of the room. Mick came in and sat down, so did Mark, and Steve bid us farewell, explaining that he had promos to cut. Mick took Claudette from Al.

"It's the best feeling in the world, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

Mick let out a chuckle, for once not joking around. "Having a child. It's the best feeling in the world and you know it. C'mon, Kane, big tough man. I bet you cried."

I shrugged. "Yeah, so what? So did you, I bet. And yes, it is the best. It's like…" I smiled. "It's like you've created a little human. And they're going to be with you for the rest of your life. It's just such a powerful thing to do. This one person is going to affect the rest of my life. My future revolves around her."

Mark patted me on the shoulder. "And to think, I had to wrestle you to make you come to that party…"