I told myself that I wouldn't post unless I had like a bunch of chapters so that I could post it in parts…but due to my being harassed by a certain psychopath ::coughcoughSAPHRINcoughcough:: I decided to save myself the trouble and just post these chapters as I type them. I have up to 24 but I won't post them all at once just as revenge that that person that keeps annoying me…so there.

Chapter 19

The next night we packed enough things in our bags to last us a week or two and left for the airport. On the plane Amber seemed very distracted and worried and she just leaned against me as she held Claudette. I put my arm around her shoulders, talking softly to her, assuring her that everything would be okay. She didn't seem to want to believe me but for my sake and hers she calmed herself. After we landed, Mark picked us up at the airport in Boston and we went back to our hotel. Jake was being antsy in the car and kept making weird duck sounds, quacking and what have you. He was flapping around at Mark as he tried to drive until finally I grabbed him and wouldn't let him fly around. Mark was laughing.

"You guys are insane. I mean, who the hell brings a duck with them on tour?"

"Us," Amber and I said simultaneously and monotonously.

"Eh...exactly..." he mumbled. We finally got to the hotel and he parked and we walked up to the room. Amber carried Claudette while Mark and I carried our bags, and as I held Jake in my hand. In the room Jake kept flapping around at the window until finally I went into the bathroom and filled the bathtub with water so that he swam around and kept himself occupied. Amber was lying on the bed and watching TV as all of this went on, Claudette lying on her chest. I came in and sat down next to them.

"Jake is playing in the bathtub," I told her. She laughed softly.

 "He's great," she smiled. "Thank you..." 

"What?"

She laughed some more.  "Kane... you got me a duck. If you don't think that's special you're insane. It's great. Jake is great! He's my Noble Duck."

"Noble Duck?"

"Yeah... Sir Jake the Noble Duck."

"Man... you're crazier than I thought..." 

"And that's why you love me, right?"

"Exactly."

We kissed then and she laughed as she looked toward the bathroom. A great deal of splashing could be heard. "Make sure he doesn't  mess the place up. Vince wouldn't be a happy big corporation owning duckie at that."

I laughed also and walked back into the bathroom, where I closed the lid of the toilet and sat down to watch Sir Jake. He was flapping his wings and water was going all over the floor. He jumped up onto the edge of the tub and then jumped into my lap.

"Aww, Jake," I complained, "you re getting me all wet...aww dude that s not cool...dude weak…" I groaned as he quacked at me but then just gave in and patted his head gently...as not to hurt him because he was so small to me.

Amber appeared suddenly in the doorway. Claudette was gone from her arms and she had her hair down and hanging around her shoulders in that dark purple cascade that I loved. We just stared at each other in silence for a moment until Jake interrupted our quiet... something like this:

"QUACK!"

Was that sound correct? Quack? Eh... you know what I mean I m sure...

Both of us laughed. She stared at Jake and he stared back at her for a few moments before losing interest and going back to more fun things like jumping off my lap and into the tub, splashing and covering both of us with a bit of water. I laughed and pulled her out of the room, closing the bathroom door to protect ourselves from the onslaught of water caused by his flapping wings. She giggled as I laughed and collapsed into my arms, sighing happily. I looked over her, across the room to the bassinet where Claudette slept. I just stared at her and stopped laughing, drowning in my own thoughts. She pulled away and looked up at me.

"Kane, what is it?"

"Nothing..."

"C'mon, don't do this. What s wrong?"

"That's it. Nothing is wrong. I was just thinking about you and Claudette," I felt my eyes fill with tears and I blushed, a bit frustrated with my feeling oversensitive all the time. She rubbed my lower arm, as it was closer to hers than my biceps. How funny. But she said nothing, just stared at me softly, without words urging me to speak. "I just can t believe this is happening." I turned away from her, not at all in a rude way as I walked over and sat down on one of the beds so that Claudette slept just before me. Without waking her I ran my hand over her head, the fuzzy hair that was beginning to darken but no where near dark, just having gone from white blonde to golden. Amber followed me and sat down beside me, placing a hand supportingly on my thigh.

"Talk to me," she said quietly.

"It s just that... I don't know. I m in shock. And I feel like crying. I can t believe that I could've once been so miserable, so certain that I would someday die alone and most likely from my own accord... the thought of suicide was always there but always so ridiculous to me that I was able to push it away. I don't think I ever would've done it, not then anyway, because I knew that Mark was there and I couldn't just leave him... but the thoughts only grew strong at certain times, like at Christmas and Thanksgiving and Valentine s Day... and the night that we met I wasn't even going to come. I was just going to stay in my hotel room all night moping and watching infomercials and maybe some Lifetime movies... because they re just interesting. I just moved from city to city all the time, checking out of one hotel and into the next and using rental cars and staying for a few hours to settle into an arena and I had no real concrete home except for my one in Vermont which I honestly hated because it was so alone. And that night that we met I had to wrestle Mark and he made me tap out because he decided to sit on my chest and wouldn't get off and I couldn't breath... because he s like... 328...so I tapped. That was why I wore an Undertaker shirt... and it frightens me that perhaps if I hadn't gone I never would've known you. And I d rather die tomorrow than live for years without ever knowing who you were and without knowing what real love was. And then her' s Claudette who has sprung from us and I can't help but to think of our future, our trio here, and know that no matter what happens our lives will revolve around her as her parents. The rest of our lives, no matter what happens, is her. We have to raise her and go through things that everyone goes through and she'll learn how to walk and how to talk and then she'll go to school and get an education and she'll grow up and she'll make friends and go out with guys and start driving and maybe go to college... and then one day she might get married and have children and she'll start the same thing over and if we're still around we'll know the same thing. We had a year alone together and now we have a daughter for the next seventeen or eighteen years. And I just wonder what might have happened if I hadn't listened to Mark or really just punched him in the nuts and told him to get off and just stayed in the darkness. That s why I cry, Amber. Because I can't know and don't know what I would've done without you."

She was silent out of respect I think. She leaned her head on my arm, hands around the same arm as she sat there. I sighed, feeling a type of relief from something I didn't know was making me tense. But I had finally told her all these things that I thought of constantly and never told her. She kissed my arm just because it was the closest place for her to kiss.

"I know what you feel. I'm so happy that John left me that night..."

I laughed softly. "Yeah, me too."