Several weeks ago…

(Ri2 is tied to a chair, struggling to break the ropes.)

Me: Damn it you two, let me go this instant!

(Laughter. Ryo and Monodramon enter the scene.)

Ryo: Let you go? But Ri2, you just got here!

Monodramon: Yeah, you haven't even heard our demands yet!

Me: Demands?

Ryo: We kidnapped you for a reason, Ri2.

Me: Don't tell me. You want me to write a Ryuki and Mono/Rena story, right?

Monodramon: Actually, no.

Me: …Huh?

Ryo: (Holds up disk.) We've already written the story. We want you to upload it onto Fanfiction.net.

Me: Why don't you just set up an account on the site and load it yourself? I mean, was it really necessary to kidnap me for this?

Monodramon: The powers that be forbid fictional characters from writing their own stories. If we could write our own fanfiction, that would put you authors all out of a job! And then where would all you fans go to express yourselves?

Ryo: We know your E-mail address, we just need your password so we can put our story on the Internet for the world to see.

Me: (Sweatdrops.) YOU COULD HAVE JUST ASKED ME, YOU KNOW! I MIGHT HAVE UPLOADED YOUR STORY IF YOU HAD JUST ASKED!

Monodramon: Well, we're asking you now. Will you upload our story?

Me: I'll need to see it first.

Ryo: No problem! (Pulls a computer into the room, turns it on, and puts in the disk. He opens Microsoft Word and the file on the disk, then pushes Ri2 closer and loosens one of his hands so he can move the mouse.)

Me: Okay, let's see what we've got here. (Starts to read.)

Grani soared towards a small grassy pillar rising from the sea, completely encircled by a steel fortress. A pair of Birdramon were sleeping atop the pillar, and a barred passage flanked by cannons led into the fortress. Half a dozen automated gunboats sailed around the island, looking for an excuse to fire their explosive payloads. Grani slowed down and turned his head around. "Guilmon. Hey Guilmon, wake up!"

Guilmon, who had been catching up on some much-needed sleep, yawned and woke up. "Huh? What is it?" he asked drowsily, blinking the sleep out of his yellow eyes.

"We've arrived at the location of the first fragment of the Catalyst, the Islet of Steel."

Guilmon looked at the small fortress. "I can see why it's called that." He took notice of the gunboats and cannons. "Let me guess, we have to sink all those boats and destroy the cannons before we can enter the fortress, right?"

Grani nodded. "I think my Yuggoth Blaster would be a bit of overkill. I think I need a new weapon."

Guilmon rummaged through his pockets. "Just a sec." He took out the Berenjena. "Do you think you can build a weapon from these?"

A hatch flipped open. "That answer your question?" Guilmon dropped his two sawed-off shotguns into the hatch and closed it. Grani scanned the guns, using their data to construct a pair of brand new machine guns on the underside of his body. He flew right towards the boats, eager to test out his newest attachments.

One of the boats spotted him and turned its turret around, launching a bomb at the flying machine. Grani opened fire with his new guns, destroying the bomb in midair and ripping the boat's hull to shreds, sinking the automated vessel beneath the waves. Grani skimmed across the water's surface, blasting all the gunboats to pieces as he made a circuit around the small fortress. When he came near the entrance, getting the attention of the cannons, he did a wild ninety-degree turn into the air to get away from their range, spun a few times, then swooped back towards the barred passage, swerving wildly to spray his bullets all over the face of the island. The cannons exploded, and the bars lifted just before Grani could crash into them as he zoomed into the fort.

The flying machine slowed down and landed in the water before a set of stone stairs. He turned his head around to check on his companion. "Well, how was that? Not a bad display of flying, if I do say so myself!"

Guilmon was too busy throwing up in the water to answer. "Next time you decide to perform aerial stunts, please remember that you're carrying a very fragile passenger on your back who would not like to be flung into the air at extremely high speeds," the reptile moaned when he had recovered somewhat.

"Eh heh, sorry." Said Grani anxiously.

Guilmon jumped onto the stairs and walked up to a small stone platform. A pad with the symbol of wind was placed in front of a pedestal with the Catalyst symbol. Guilmon stepped onto the pad, took out the Wind Waker, and played Wind's Requiem. Magically, a treasure chest appeared on the platform. Guilmon opened it, and found a tiny jagged piece of black material. He frowned as he picked it up. "This is a piece of the Catalyst?"

"Yeah, what did you expect?" asked Grani.

"Weren't Renamon's Catalyst pieces bigger?" asked Guilmon, pocketing the shard.

"Yes, but remember that her piece was only split into two. The Catalyst of Courage was split into eight pieces, which is why each fragment is so small." Grani pointed out.

Guilmon hopped onto his friend's back. "I guess that makes sense. Where's the next one?'

Grani started to lift off. "Just hang on and we'll be there in about ten minutes, it's really close."

"Okay, but please don't do any more stunts." Guilmon begged as they flew out of the fortress.

Ten minutes later, they reached a gorgeous tropical island with golden beaches, a huge pool with an umbrella platform and inflatable toys, and a big cozy-looking cabana. Guilmon jumped onto the beach as they landed. "What's this place called?"

"I'm not sure. It's a privately owned island paradise and vacation retreat, as you can probably tell from the cabana."

Guilmon raised an eyebrow. "What's a piece of the Catalyst doing in a private resort?"

Grani rolled his eyes. "The piece was here long before the resort was here, they just built it over the fragment's hiding place."

Guilmon slapped his forehead. "Gee, now I feel stupid. Guess that was pretty obvious." He looked around. "I don't see anything that looks like a Catalyst piece. Maybe it's inside the cabana over there." He walked over to the small house, noticing that the door had the picture of a butler painted on it. "Hmm, weird choice of décor."

He tried the doorknob, and was very surprised when the door started to yell at him. "And just what do you think you are doing?"

Guilmon jumped back. "You can talk?!"

"I can also sing opera in twelve different languages, but that's not important. What do you think you are doing here?" asked the door.

Guilmon blinked. "Um…I was wondering if I could come inside?"

The door snorted. "I am afraid I am not permitted to allow scruffy and unwashed ruffians like yourselves ("Hey!" yelled Guilmon.) into this cabana. I will only open for the person holding the deed to this private oasis in the great desert that is the sea."

Guilmon's eyes lit up. "Deed? Hang on a minute. Would the deed happen to look like this?" he asked, pulling out the paper Togemon had given him in return for the Joy Pendant all the way back on Windfall.

The door gasped. "Where did you get that?"

"It was a gift. Since I'm holding the deed to this island, that means you have to let me in, doesn't it?" he said sternly.

The door stuttered. "P-please f-f-forgive me, M-master. I-I didn't know…nobody told me…I mean really, you'd think if ownership of oneself was to change hands, they'd let you know wouldn't they? Terribly sorry for bothering you." The door swung open.

Guilmon walked in, closing the door behind him. The interior of the cabana was surprisingly spacious, with paintings on the wall, a small bar, a bathtub, and a crackling fireplace warming up the room. Several cardboard cutouts of the butler door stood at attention around the room. "Is there anything I can do for you, master? Would you like a drink? A bath? A massage? If there is anything you need, just let me know." Said the butler's voice.

"I don't suppose you could tell me if this cabana is hiding any secrets or anything, could you?" Guilmon asked doubtfully.

The voice paused. "There is a secret entrance to a maze of sorts that was around long before I was built, but why would you want to go down there? It's all dark and nasty and damp, and not at all pleasant."

Guilmon frowned. "I need to get down there. How do I find this maze?"

The voice sighed. The flames in the fireplace extinguished, revealing a hole in the floor. "The old maze is down that hole. Do be careful young master, I hear dreadful sounds coming from there every now and then…" The voice of the magical cabana became silent.

Guilmon walked over to the hole and jumped in. He landed in a very dark place that seemed a lot like a sewer, if the water up to his ankles was any indication. He saw a small pink rodent scurry by and shuddered. "Chuumon. I hate Chuumon." Carefully avoiding the rats, Guilmon walked towards a ladder set in the floor nearby. He climbed down the ladder and found himself in a small chamber with a tiny crawlspace as the only exit. He entered the crawlspace and soon found that it branched in several places, forming a maze. It took him a while to explore all the dead ends and branches, but he finally reached the end of the crawlspace and came out in a room with another ladder. He climbed back up the ladder and found himself in a room with a gate blocking the exit. A plunger switch sat in front of the gate. Guilmon hit the plunger with his hammer, opening the gate. He slogged down the new passage, smashing any Chuumon he saw with his hammer, and found another plunger switch. He struck it, lowering a nearby wall and revealing a ladder. He climbed down the ladder, went through a crawlspace, climbed up another ladder, and found a treasure chest. He opened it, finding 100 bits! "Nice, but not what I'm looking for." Guilmon muttered. He saw a hole in the ground at the far end of the room. He jumped down and landed in a chamber with a pair of Mortmon. They didn't stand a chance against the fully charged Invincible, and Guilmon entered one last crawlspace that exited in a room with a wind pad and a Catalyst pedestal. Relieved, he stood on the pad and played the Wind's Requiem, summoning the treasure chest. He opened it and pocketed the Catalyst piece inside. "Now I've just gotta get out of here," he said, a little tired. "I think I will take the cabana's offer of a bath and massage when I get back after all."

After relaxing a bit in the cabana, Guilmon mounted Grani and set off for the next piece. They flew by a large rock with six peaks of varying sizes, each with a Birdramon nest and a crystal switch at the top. Grani landed on a small island right next to the big rock. A nearby cave held the wind pad and Catalyst pedestal, but they were stuck behind a set of iron bars. "It looks like you'll have to hit those crystal switches we passed to open the cave." Said Grani.

"Mm-hmm." Said Guilmon.

"You'd need some pretty good aim and flying ability to knock out all the Birdramon and hit those switches."

"Probably."

"Do you think I could-"

"No."

Grani sputtered. "Ah, come on! Can't I do the shooting here?"

"Grani, I told you I don't want you doing any more stunts while I'm riding you!"

"You don't have to ride me, you can wait here while I shoot those birds out of the sky and get the switches! And it's not like there was any other way you could do it, right?" Grani added.

"Actually, I was planning on shooting as many Birdramon as I could see from here with the Berenjena, then using the Command Melody to take control of a seagull to hit all the switches."

Grani snorted. "Like a seagull would last long enough to survive the Birdramon you missed. Come on, let me do it!"

Guilmon frowned. "Didn't you say a while back you didn't want to get into any dogfights?"

"That was before I got machine guns!" he protested.

Guilmon sighed. "Fine, you win. Go kill those birds. I'll wait here."

"Woohoo!" Grani took off and flew towards the rock.

It struck Guilmon as comedic that their roles had, at least for a moment, been reversed. He shook his head, grinning, as he watched Grani take on the birds and activate all six switches. The bars over the cave retracted. Grani soon landed back on the island, a big grin on his face. "You had fun, I take it?"

Grani nodded. "It feels good for me to take a slightly more active role in this adventure other than fulfilling the requirements for transport and mentoring. You gonna go in that cave?'

"Yes. At least I still have opposable thumbs, otherwise you might have a shot at taking my job." Guilmon joked. He entered the cave, played Wind's Requiem, and claimed the next shard. "Okay, three down. Where's the next one?"

Grani checked his maps. "Tonight is a full moon, so I think we should go to Crescent Moon Island."

Guilmon blinked. "We're going to a place named after a crescent moon during a full moon? That sounds kind of like one of those oxymoron things."

Grani frowned. "Well if you don't like it, we can always wait until tomorrow night when the moon starts to wane and go to Diamond Steppe Island."

"Why would we go to Diamond Steppe Island if the Catalyst piece is on Crescent Moon Island?" asked the confused Guilmon.

"I never said it was on Crescent Moon Island."

Guilmon was now very confused. "But you just said we should go to Crescent Moon Island!"

"Yes, but only because there's a full moon. If the moon was waning, we'd go to Diamond Steppe Island. If it was a crescent moon, we'd go to the Five-Star Archipelago. If it was a new moon, we'd go to Bomb Island. And so on, and so forth." Said Grani.

Guilmon suddenly had a flash of understanding. "You mean the piece moves about every night?"

Grani nodded. "Hop on my back, and I'll tell you all about it on the way there."

A long time ago, a pirate ship named the Black Hook had stumbled upon a treasure trove from ancient Shinjuku. Among the gold and jewels of the trove was one of the eight pieces of the Catalyst of Courage, and the pirates took it with them when they stole all the treasure. But by doing so, they unleashed an ancient curse, trapping them as ghosts in a phantom ship, doomed to sail the Great Sea under the light of the moon until the chosen hero wielding the Invincible boards the ship and claims the Catalyst shard for himself, breaking the curse forever. Which is why Guilmon and Grani found themselves waiting for the ship to appear near Crescent Moon Island in the middle of the night.

Guilmon yawned. "Grani, its midnight and the ship still isn't here. Can't I just get some sleep?"

"No! The ship could show up any second now! If you fall asleep, I'll have to wake you up and we might miss it!" Grani said in frustration. This was the tenth time he has to explain this to Guilmon. It turned out that the ship would only appear in the material world for a few minutes each night before vanishing back into the ghostly limbo in which it sailed. If Guilmon fell asleep, Grani might not be able to wake him up before the ship vanished again.

Guilmon stifled another yawn. "Maybe you got your moon phases mixed up. Maybe it's supposed to show up here during the half moon instead of the full moon, you could have made a mistake."

"My charts are never wrong!" he said in reply. "Just be patient. It'll show up soon."

So they waited. And waited. And waited some more. And just when Guilmon was about to try getting some sleep while Grani wasn't paying attention, it happened. An icy wind blew, sending shivers up Guilmon's spine. The air some ways off the shore of the small island shimmered, and a transparent, ghostly pirate ship appeared, leaving a trail of blue fire as it sailed through the water. Guilmon's eyes bulged as he was violently wrenched into wakefulness. "Whoa."

"I told you it would show up!" Grani said, pleased with himself. He took off and sped over to the ship, lining himself up with the phantom boat. Guilmon was about to jump on when Grani spoke up. "Oh, I almost forgot: If you don't claim the Catalyst piece before the ship returns to the spirit realm, you'll be taken with it and will be trapped as a ghost until the vessel reenters our world tomorrow night."

Guilmon's eye twitched. "You could have told me this beforehand," he growled as he jumped onto the ship. The instant he touched the deck, there was a horrific shriek and he blacked out.

Guilmon opened his eyes. "Where am I?" He looked around. He was in a dark, eerie-looking ship's hold. There were holes in the wall and ceiling opening onto bleak, gray mists. A beam of light shone onto the floor through a hole in the ceiling. At the far end of the room was a door on a ledge, but there were no ropes or anything Guilmon could use to reach the door. Guilmon remembered he didn't have much time and jumped into the hold. As he landed, he heard a malevolent cackle and a Wizardmon appeared. Before the wizard could throw a thunderball, Guilmon whipped out the Berenjena and blasted a hole in the monster's skull. He heard another laugh and turned around just in time to see another Wizardmon throw a thunderball at him. Guilmon deflected the blast with the Aegis, and scowled as the wizard teleported away. He turned slowly in a circle, waiting for the Wizardmon to reappear. The wizard suddenly spun into existence on the ledge Guilmon had woken up on. The reptile immediately fired his gun, killing the Wizardmon. He heard the sound of two more monsters spinning out of thin air and turned around to see a pair of Bakemon ready to attack him. He sidestepped the ghost's charge and ran into the beam of light, using the Aegis to reflect the light at the ghosts and force them to solidify. Once they were solid, Guilmon killed them with a few swipes from the Invincible. Once both ghosts were safely dispatched, a Mortmon shambled towards him from the dark corners of the hold. Guilmon ran back into the light and reflected it at the zombie, paralyzing it long enough for him to kill the Mortmon. But his troubles weren't over yet. One last opponent, a SkullSatamon, started towards him. "I don't have time for this!" Guilmon growled through his teeth. He killed the skeleton as quickly as he could, hoping he wasn't too late. A ladder appeared at the far end of the room. Guilmon ran over to the ladder, climbed up it, and raced through the door. He threw open the chest he found in the next room, revealing the next fragment of the Catalyst. "Got it!" As he put the small black shard away, there was another ghastly scream and Guilmon blacked out.

When Guilmon opened his eyes again, he was on Grani's back once more. The ghost ship was nowhere to be seen. "What happened?" he asked in bewilderment.

"When you landed on the deck, you sunk through the floor. I was worried that you were going to get stuck in that thing, but just before it vanished you were thrown back onto me. I'm glad you're all right." Said the very relieved Grani.

Guilmon quickly checked his pocket and sighed in relief when he saw all four Catalyst shards were there. "I got the shard, Grani. The curse of the Black Hook is no more."

"I'm sure the ship's crew would be happy to hear that, if they weren't already halfway to the afterlife thanks to you. Nice job!"

Guilmon smirked. "I'm starting to get the hang of this hero thing. So, where to next?"

"A little place called Needle Rock Isle."

"Why is it called that?" asked Guilmon with a yawn.

"Because it's shaped like the eye of a needle and there's a big rock sticking out of the middle."

"Oh." He said as his eyelids started to droop.

"It's a long flight, so you should catch up on some more of that sleep. I'll let you know when we're there, okay Guilmon?" There was no response. "Guilmon?" Grani looked on his back and chuckled when he saw Guilmon was already fast asleep. He smiled wistfully, thinking that at that moment Guilmon looked a lot like his daughter had when she was his age. "Sleep tight, little hero." He whispered. The ancient king flared his engines and rocketed away.

Ryo: Well, how was our story?

(Ri2 does not respond, gaping at the computer screen.)

Monodramon: Ryo wrote all the really cool fighting scenes, and I wrote all the passionate sex scenes! So, how was it?

(Ri2 blinks three times, closes his mouth, and slowly turns his head towards the Akiyamas.)

Me: Words cannot express just how…how…HORRIBLE this thing is!

Ryo & Monodramon: Wha?!

Ri2: This is most definitely the worst story I've ever read! The grammar and spelling is terrible, the plot is contrived and makes no sense, and the extremely graphic descriptions of the sex scenes make me want to throw up!

Monodramon: (Scowls) Oh come on, they weren't that bad!

Me: YOU MADE RENAMON ****** YOU WITH A ********** WHILE *********** *************** *********** ********** ********!!!!!!! NC-17 MATERIAL IS OUTLAWED ON THE SITE, YOU HENTAI PERVERTS!

Ryo: Uh, does this mean you're not going to upload the story?

Me: Of course not! Uploading something this awful would be a disgrace to everything fanfiction stands for! (Not to mention it would ruin my reputation!) I refuse to aid in your nefarious scheme to force this smut onto fair Fanfiction.net!

Monodramon: Oh good, we were hoping you would say that.

Me: And furthermore-wait, you were?

Ryo: Yeah, now we can torture you until you give us the password!

Monodramon: Ryo, you get the thumbscrews and hot needles, I'll go get the Teletubbies videos and recording of James Cameron's Academy Award Acceptance Speech on a continuous loop! Oh, this is going to be so much FUN!

Me: (Gulps) What have I just gotten myself into?