That night in out hotel room all Amber did was pace and bite her thumbnail. She cried a little, too. And Jake was afraid of this and kept sitting in the closet until finally mercy came when I filled the bathtub for him. I didn't tell him, though, just filled it and then came back in the room. When Amber had turned away he waddled quickly in and I heard a splash. Finally Amber sat down on one of the beds. She was crying.
"Kane what should I do? She won't listen to me when I apologize…I swear I didn't mean it…"
I had no response to that and just looked at her. For a few minutes we just sat there in silence. "I'll go try to talk to her," I said, and stood. I kissed Amber on the head before turning and leaving the room. As I walked past the bathroom I saw Jake looking at me through the break between the wall and the curtain. I let out a laugh and waved to him before I stepped out of the room.
I didn't need to look for their room when I heard them shouting. And a moment later the door swung open and I saw Raven rush out. A hand was covering his eyes as if he were trying to his tears as he brushed past me.
"Wait!" I called out to him, but he ignored me and kept walking. I groaned and stepped into the room. Saphrin was sitting, hugging herself and crying in the corner of the room. I walked in and sat down beside her, taking her by the shoulders so that she'd look up at me. From her tears the color in her eyes was brilliant. She sat forward and threw her arms around me.
"Honey, what's wrong?" I asked her. "This isn't about the match, is it?"
"Not anymore…" she said. For a moment everything about her seemed to stop, all the sound and the tears stopped, though some of them still rolled down her face. It was suspended to me. Slow motion. It was like this for a while, the whole while her eyes locked on mine with a confusion in them. But she wasn't looking at me, she was looking at herself. I'm not sure how but she was. But then her lip started to tremble and she burst loudly into sobs. "Kane…Scott was cheating on me!" My heart ached as I pulled her close, allowing her to fall onto me.
"Shh…" I said gently, doing my best to be comforting. But I couldn't help my question. "With who?"
"Amber!"
My heart stopped. Every muscle in my body tensed. I could feel the cold in my spine. Amber…Raven…unfaithful? They were the last people I'd ever expect to do that. I looked to Saphrin again, who looked up at me nervously. I pushed her away form me and stood, turning my back to her and tugging at my hair. Amber and Raven. Amber and Raven. No. It couldn't be.
I loved Amber. She was my wife. We had a…a daughter. And Scott was like my little brother.
Immediately I began thinking the way I used to think. All I could help but to do was just picture Scott in my head and picture his perfect face…my hands were shaking. My vision blurred from tears. Oh god…Amber…
Without being able to help it I punched the wall, hearing a little gasp escape from Saphrin as I did so. Again I found myself holding my head, pulling my hair. Out of nowhere it seemed Saphrin came up behind me and put a hand on my arm. As if by reflex I spun around and elbowed her in the face. When she fell down I realized what happened and with guilt looked to see that she was staring up at me now with fear.
She was in pain. It was Scott's fault. I apologized and helped her up, helped her sit down on the bed.
"I have some business to tend to," I told her. It came out like a low growl. And then I spun on my heel and walked calmly out of the room. And out into the hall. Calmly. I saw D'lo. I remember pushing him up against the wall.
"Where's Raven?" I yelled at him. He looked scared and shook his head…as if he didn't do that enough…
"I don't know, man, I haven't seen him I swear."
I dropped him, rolling my eyes as I walked away. Over the next hour I walked up and down the hallways, asking people if they'd seen him, knocking on the doors of rooms with wrestlers to ask if they'd seen him. I had no such luck in this until I reached the top floor. The first door I knocked on was answered by my old friend and non-drinking buddy David Heath. We hadn't spoken to each other in a long time, not out of anger or anything but just coincidentally. When I saw him my anger cooled.
"Have you seen Raven around?" I asked him. He pointed to the end of the hall.
"Yeah I saw him about an hour ago…in the stairwell. He went up onto the roof."
I frowned. And then thanked David and went on my way. My pace quickened as I pictured Raven on the roof. As I pictured his face. His perfect face. And as I thought of a million things that I could do with him. And how I couldn't help but to picture him and Amber. How I'd kissed Amber…and so had he. I felt it inside me like thunder, the anger. I thought of just kicking the hell out of him. And then…pain rose in me…I'd go back inside and deal with Amber. Yell at her. I would never hit Amber.
When I reached the stairwell I saw the narrow set that went up to the door, which was propped open with a fire extinguisher. My blood boiled as I walked up the steps and stepped out onto the roof. There was a four foot tall ledge around the perimeter of the roof with a three foot wide surface. I saw Raven at the far end, lying on his back, arms over his stomach. I walked over to him, cracking my knuckles and getting ready to pound him. As I approached he spoke.
"You don't really believe it, do you, Kane?" he asked. His voice was quiet, cracking and weak. Sad. He sniffled. It was dark but I could just make out a bit of swelling in his eyes. And he was very pale. Sickly pale.
I felt bad. "Well…I don't know…"
"It isn't true, Kane, I would never do something like that. I would never do it to you."
"What happened before?" I asked him softly. I came over and sat down on the ledge.
"She yelled at me. She thinks something is going on between me and Amber and I don't know why. And she threw her ring at me and told me to get the hell out. So I did," he began to cry again. "It isn't fair, Kane. The one person I love more than anything doesn't want to be with me."
Before I said anything he kept talking. "And what happened was that I came up here and stood with my toe over the side looking down fifteen stories to the ground and contemplating ending it. But I decided not to. It would've been a mess."
My heart fluttered. "Please tell me that's not what made you change your mind…"
"No, it is…" he sat up. His expression was blank as he stared at me. I noticed then the color was seriously drained from his face. Still he had his arms crossed over his stomach. His eyes were bloodshot, worn from crying. "It would've been scarier that way."
I was confused and stared into his eyes, trying to pick something up from him, anything, but to no avail. He was totally blank and drained. I noticed it then. Little red pools that had collected at his sides as he lay there. And his shirt on the sides was covered in deep red.
"No, Kane," he said. "I would never plummet from this weary place…" he said. He seemed out of breath. I eyed the blood that surrounded him. And then he lay back down, turning his head so that he looked out over the town. His eyelids were fluttering, tears falling again. His knees bent and curled up as he turned over on his side. And limply his arm fell to hang over the side of the building. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw where he was bleeding from, as I locked my eyes on it and couldn't move.
He'd slashed his wrists.