Disclaimer: I don't own DM… blah blah blah… same as before… sorry this is late, but it's still fun and means no harm to Cosgrove Hall! Agent M6 Lori and Bagel are my own characters!
Tricks are No Treat!
By Trynia Merin
Part 2
Narrator Isenbard: In our last episode, DM and Penfold were on their way to the annual Agents halloween party, to intercept the secret codes with Agent M6 and Bagel. When news that Duckula might crash the party came, our heroes were warier then the wary… but does our hero have a dark mischevious side to him… will he get to Penfold before Duckula will, and what nefarious scheme does the duck of disastrous acting have in store….
Now as they wend their way across a dark sky, with a full moon to Castle Forkenstein, our heroes and heroines have no idea that the masterminding mallard of mayhem is in fact hitching a ride on the…
Ducula's voice from the darkness, hanging onto something by his fingenails: SHHH! You want me to be discovered? And ruin all my planning with some cheap plot exposition! SHAME!!!
Isenbard: But…
Ducula's voice as he glances down from a great height and swallows: You want me to call my agent at the actor's guild on you? C'mon, work with me here!
Isenbard: Sorry… ahem… onto our story…
The Mark III hurtled across the sky, which was slowly darkening. Penfold shivered in his pink bunny pajamas, the ears flapping in the cold air. Danger Mouse was dashing in his Lord Nelson costume, and Lori was a startling contrast in her Smooch groupie outfit. Pressing a button, DM activated the air-hardening canopy to keep off the driving rain, which suddenly battered them. In a matter of seconds 1% of the air was filtered overtop, forming an impenetrable bubble that shielded them all from the elements. Normally DM liked to keep his face to the wind like the pilots of WWI, but in inclement weather he thought discretion was wiser.
"There it is, Castle Forkenstein," he pointed to a castle tucked on the side of a sloping craggy mountain. Over the Alps they flew, toward southern Germany, in the region known as the Rhineland-Pfaltz, where many a castle had been erected by the Prussians of old, and the Austria-Hungarians. A flash of lightening made Penfold whimper and grab Bagel's hand as the thunder sounded ominously just outside.
"CRUMBS!" he cried, and suddenly leapt out of his seat, only to smack his head against the top of the canopy. He landed in Bagel's lap, shivering as he clung to her.
"Oh Penfold DO get a grip…" DM sighed.
"I don't mind," Bagel smiled as Penfold suddenly realized where he was sitting and blushed as he shifted over onto the back seat again.
"Sorry…" he stammered.
"It's okay," she chuckled, giving him a wink, and it made him momentarily forget his fear. For some strange reason he forgot to be a coward when he was around her.
"Wow, that's quite a joint," Lori muttered as DM circled the peak, glancing around to see a special train slowly tracking up the mountain. So steep it was that only a cable car and a nearly diagonal train were the only ways to get up, other then a winding road that seemed to be washed out.
"How are the agents getting there?" asked Bagel. "Super secret express?"
"Well, more like ordinary train," DM said as he pointed down to a cable car slowly winding its way up the mountain.
"Better them then us," mumbled Penfold as he shivered again, and Bagel held his hand. He felt his own hand clammy with sweat, and was glad he was wearing mittens that went with the costume so she couldn't feel how sweaty his palms were.
They didn't see a shadowy figure clinging to the bottom of the cable car that ascended the mountain as DM took the Mark III in for a landing. Penfold shivered as he glanced down at something tucked beneath the cable car, as DM whizzed past. For a moment he could swear he saw a black caped figure, like a bat hanging upside down.
"There's Colonel K's car now," DM pointed as they circled back, and slowly bumped to a landing on the stretch of road wending the rest of the way up to the castle.
"Look at that," Penfold whispered as a flash of lightening suddenly flared, and he shivered at the sight of a pair of beady eyes. Soon they landed and pulled up the winding dirt road the rest of the way. From behind they heard the dieseling sound of a rackety tour bus, that pulled up to a stop at the edge of a moat. Overhead loomed the castle's massive shape, a moat surrounding it while its spires rose into the night, some with peaked caps that made Penfold think of witches and wizards. Behind them the bus dieseled to a stop, and they heard the clanking of a cable car slowly wheezing overhead, to dock at a platform high on the ramparts of the outer wall. Glancing up, Lori saw that there was a cable car station platform, its large wheel grinding much like a ski lift as the cable car docked.
"That's some of the agents behind us in that bus," DM whispered to Lori. "They make the juniors ride up in the bus… and the VIPS ride in the cable car…"
"And the extra special ones go by Mark III?" Lori asked with a chuckle.
"Indeed," DM nodded.
"What now DM, do we knock?"
"I have to give the ultra secret signal," said DM. He punched a button on the car's panel, and blinked his lights in a Morse code signal. Another crash of lightening beamed in, and Penfold again whimpered, only to calm down when he felt Bagel's hand squeeze his again.
A clanking noise sounded, and Penfold flinched as the drawbridge slowly lowered, on the clinking of two massing metal chains, slowly yawning like a huge monster. As the edge of the drawbridge banged only two feet from the hood of the Mark III, Penfold yelped at the sight of huge spikes now visible.
"Crikey, TEETH!"
"No, that's a portcullis," Bagel whispered, showing him in the lights of the Mark III, which beamed on the raised spikes. Normally it could lower and a massive iron grid would serve as a second line of defense if the drawbridge happened to be down. A light flared on, a single spot as DM opened the canopy and stood up in his seat, posting dramatically.
"Open, says me!" he shouted.
"Mummy's the word!" called a loud voice, in German. Slowly a small figure toddled out, and Penfold gasped in relief to see Professor Squarkencluck walking up in a baronial outfit, much different from his usual labcoat.
"Welcome to mine castle," he said, throwing out his arms.
"HIS castle?" Bagel asked.
"Ohh 'eck," Penfold whispered. "It's been in his family for YEARS… I always KNEW he was from a whole line of dotty mad scientists…"
"Runs in the family," Bagel shivered, and Penfold saw her fear.
"He's harmless," said Danger Mouse. "After all, he's the host, and he's the top boffin for the Agency…"
"Come in, Danger Mouse," he waved, holding up a lantern. "There's plenty of places to park, ja? And do move out of the way of the juniors, nein?"
"Ja… nein…" DM said, and chuckled as he pulled up into the drawbridge, and Squarkencluck moved to one side, holding the lantern. A huge pool of light bathed the Mark III, and soon they motored under the huge teeth of the portcullis, which was already raised. For a moment Penfold was sure it would come clanking down. From behind them, only 20 yards the bus dieseled up and Squarkencluck held up his hand.
The driver, a rabbit, poked his head out and said, "Open Says me!"
"Mummy's the word, ja?" Squarkencluck shouted. "Enter… and abandon all hope.. ja?"
"Oh come off it guvner," the rabbit laughed. "Stop scarin the Juniors…"
"Ach, mein freund, Agent 23…" he laughed as he clambered on board the bus. "You know its part of the initiation…"
"Yeah, I do," he chuckled as he pulled in after the mark III.
***
Inside the courtyard they entered a different world. Squarkencluck was indeed the family that owned Castle Forkenstein, and he was descended from a long line of eccentric noblemen, many of them scientists in the tradition of his family. Even though he didn't live here, his uncle, Count Squarkencluck did, and the elderly Count had decorated the entire place in full Halloween fun. Grand lanterns and torches lit the way up a path with prop skeletons, tombstones and jack o lanterns peeping from many a shadowed tunnel entrance. The main banquet hall was alight with thousands of twinkling candles, as the VIP agents already milled about the vast polished floor. Open rafters and a whitewashed ceiling faulted overhead, a huge marble fireplace set with a roaring fire and meat turning on a spit at the end under the Squarkencluck coat of arms. Stag heads and other trophies lined the walls, also hung with family portraits going back to medieval times.
Vast tables were set with a smorgasbord of treats, including eyeball punch, spookghetti, and many other gross looking but totally edible treats. The Juniors, in their costumes milled around, glancing with oohs and ahs in their masks. One could tell the VIP and lead boffins, for their costumes were fancy and elaborate, with silken masks and feathers, while the Juniors and less senior agents had garish plastic and youthful costumes that reflected the younger tastes. All manners of comic book, sitcom and other popular characters were represented. Seven young agents were the castaways from Pelican's Island, while seven others were dressed as the Seven Dwarves, with Ms. Boathook as Snow White.
Colonel K in his French Clown outfit stood by the apple bobbing tank, as Danger Mouse and M6 looked on. Penfold glanced around, relieved to see the well-lit banquet hall swarming with people, as sound effects record played rather haunting organ music. "So when is the entertainment?" Lori asked.
"That's what we're holding our breath for. We did hire some local entertainment, but Count Duckula could strike at any time," whispered Colonel K. "Be on your guard…"
"I didn't know Squarkencluck owned a castle," Lori said. "From what DM told me he was a boffin…"
"His uncle Sigfried is the count," whispered DM. "And he's a bit… eccentric…"
"Like Dr. Frankenstein?" joked Lori.
"Quite," DM whispered.
"Welcome, welcome all!" shouted Squarkencluck as he clapped his hands. "I introduce to you all, meine Damen und Herren, our host… my most esteemed uncle, and the one who pitched me into the lab for the first time… Count Sigfriend Von Squarkencluck…"
Out from a back room hobbled a rather geriatric mole, with frizzy white hair, unkempt, tapping an ivory handled cane. His glasses were thick as coke bottle bottoms, with golden rims, and he appeared even more blind then his nephew. A long black cape draped over his hunched shoulders, while a red sash crossed his rather sizable stomach and shoulder, fastening at his hip under the black velvet suit. He stumbled up onto a big chair, and stood upon it to address all assembled.
"Meine guests, eat, drink, and be SCARED!" he said in a loud voice, with an accent even thicker then his nephews. "May the entertainment begin. And first for the youngsters, a rather loud and live show… to start off the fright. I mean the night…"
"Good grief," mumbled Danger Mouse as the lights plunged into darkness, and Penfold yelped. He leapt into Dm's arms and clung to his chief, whimpering.
"Oh boy," Bagel whispered, hugging closely to Lori.
"It's okay…"
"Mein Uncle, you SAID you'd take it easy!" Squarkencluck barked cautiously as suddenly a loud guitar chord split the night, and scary music blared on. A spotlight suddenly shone on a huge organ at the other end of the hall, and to his immediate left there was a stage set up, and Lori screamed when she saw a familiar band suddenly flaring into full song.
"Lori?" gasped Bagel.
"Oh my GOODNESS, they have Smooch!" she cried as the familiar band began to play their lead song, complete with garish white makeup, black leather and sequins. The younger agents whooped as the older ones stuck their fingers in their ears.
"Good grief," Danger Mouse mumbled. "At least it isn't Duckula…"
Sighing to himself he set Penfold down, and turned to the Colonel, who didn't appear to be phased by the loud lively rock music. Penfold rushed over to Bagel's side, and Bagel smiled, tapping her toe to the music. It was rather catchy, and she glanced up at Count Squarknecluck, who was playing the organ right along with the rock band!
"He's not bad for an old geezer," she whispered to Penfold.
"Cor…" Penfold whispered. "DM hates this stuff…"
"Let's dance," Bagel smiled as they joined the other Juniors dancing wildly on the floor.
"Colonel, is this a joke?" DM asked.
"What DM?"
"The MUSIC IS LOUD!" DM shouted.
"I can't hear you DM, the music's loud," the Colonel said.
"OH really, Colonel," sighed DM as he shook his head.
"Sorry DM, boffins fixed me with earplugs…" said the Colonel, pulling one out. Lori had rushed up to stand in front, glancing up into the eyes of the lead singer, the Superstar, who was posing and shaking his tail to the music as all the young female agents swooned at his pouting red lips and lean muscled body. Gila Scalesimm, the Dragon, stomped menacingly around the stage, as the others played along.
"What possessed them to hire this band?" DM asked.
"Was the count's idea," said the Colonel, leading DM over to a secluded spot, away from the loud speakers. "The boffins figured it'd be a distraction… and that if Duckula was here… he might get into the action… what?"
"I'll say," DM said slowly. "If he IS here… then perhaps he'd want to upstage them. I have to admit it is a clever ploy… but how long do we have to endure this?"
"Here ist mein latest invention," Professor Squarkencluck said as he waddled up and shoved a set of earplugs into the hands of the agent. DM glanced down to see a pair of small earplugs, and nodded with relief. He slid them into his ears, and the loud raucous rock suddenly faded to a rather nice sounding melody.
"Not bad, but too loud," he mumbled, shaking his head as Lori stood transfixed at the front of the room. "I just hope she keeps to her duty…"
Turning back to the Colonel, and to Squarkencluck, he asked, "Whose idea was this? I must admit this is rather clever… I am surprised I didn't think of it…"
"Would you believe M6?" asked the Colonel. DM glanced in surprise.
"Why was I not told?" he asked, mildly piqued.
"Your hands were full trying to get Penfold to come, and besides, you have to find the secret codes," said the Colonel. DM mumbled something and moved off.
"I'm going to keep an eye out for Duckula…" he said. and moved over to try and find Penfold. As he moved through the buffeting crowed gyrating to the loud beat, he suddenly saw Penfold and Bagel dancing there in the forest of junior agents. A sudden thought crossed his mind, and a mischievous smile twitched the corners of his lips when he spied what was on the nearby table. Slowly he walked over and picked up a handful of what appeared to be spaghetti. He tiptoed up behind Penfold and Bagel, and slowly draped the strange slimly stuff on the backs of their necks. Both of them yelped and leapt a foot into the air when they felt something on the back of their neck. Before long they had rushed out of the mass of the dancers and into a side room, screaming as they went.
DM whistled to himself as he moved out of sight, and slipped something into his pocket. He moved up behind Lori, and then taped something to her back. She didn't even notice she was so wrapped up in the music. Smiling to himself, DM wandered off, glancing around for any sign of Duckula.
Colonel K yelped as something slammed into his backside. Whirling around he gasped as he stared at agent 23. "What the deuce are you doing man?"
"What the sign says, sir," he stammered as the Colonel picked himself up off the floor.
"What on EARTH is that, you idiot!" the Colonel huffed.
"The sign… it said kick me," Agent 23 said, as he pointed to the Colonel's back.
"What… how dare you…" the Colonel gasped till he reached up and felt something taped to his back. Gasping he read the words, "Kick Me" spelled in black handwriting on a small sign.
"I thought I was following orders sir," Agent 23 stammered.
"Good gracious, it can only be the work of Duckula… look sharp men!" he said, suddenly forgetting 23's confusion. Relieved, 23 saluted and rushed off to ready himself.
"What IS this?" Bagel yelped as she clawed something off her neck.
"WORMS!" Penfold screeched as he clawed off the squiggly mass of yuck. When the two hamsters stopped screaming and running they glanced at one another.
"Penfold, something red's on you…" she gasped as she pointed to his shoulder and then saw red sticky stuff on her fingers.
"I'm bleeding… oh eck I'm too young to die… done in… by blood sucking worms…" he gasped as he reached up and saw the stickiness. Gasping he almost fainted.
"OH no… me too!" Bagel screamed as she felt the sticky red stuff on her fingers. "Oh no… it must be Duckula!"
"D… don't move… I'll save you!" Penfold said gallantly, as he moved over and grabbed the squiggly worm off her shoulder and threw it to the floor. He stamped on it, forgetting his own fears.
"No wait," Bagel said as she suddenly saw what Penfold was grinding into the floor. She put her finger in her mouth and tasted… ketchup?
"Nasty, slimy thing… blood sucking worm! Even though I'm about to die, you'll go with me you rotten thing!" Penfold shouted as he jumped up and down on a messy puddle of red and squishy white mush.
"Penfold, it's not blood… it's ketchup!" she said. "We've been tricked…"
"What?" he asked as she stood there, licking her fingers.
"And you're making a mess on the floor. These are gummy worms dipped in tomato sauce!"
"Cor eck…" Penfold gasped as she pointed to the mass of mess. He stopped grinding it into the carpet, and groaned when he realized that it stuck to the bottom of his shoe, and his costume was soaked with tomato sauce and gummy worm gook.
"That was brave of you, trying to rescue me… but this is a nasty trick…" she said as she wiped the mess off. Penfold shed his costume, wearing his blue suit underneath.
"Someone's got a nasty sense of humor, like," Penfold mumbled as he glanced at Bagel. "I nearly died of fright!"
"So did I…" she nodded. Suddenly they heard a loud squawking noise and a flash of lightening as they spun around.
"Oy Vey," she gasped. "Who's that."
"Someone started the party without me?" said an American accented voice. "I'm hurt!"
"Oh Crumbs!"
"Well, well, and pranks too…" said a cackling laugh as a green duck stood before them, his hand before his bill. "And two yahoos to try my new act on."
"You rotter, I might have KNOWN you'd pull a nasty trick!" Penfold pointed to the mess on the floor as he and Bagel huddled together.
"Do I know you?" asked Bagel.
"It's… c… c… c…" Penfold's teeth chattered as he hugged Bagel close, and slowly backed her away with him, further down the hall. A cape flared out as the stranger advanced on them, his yellow eyes intense as he stalked up.
"Count D… dddd… Duckula, at your service," he said, bowing dramatically. "And could you tell me WHY they started the party without moi?"
"You're behind this prank?" Bagel gasped. "You're… the one that everyone's scared of…"
"Run!" cried Penfold as he grabbed her hand and pulled her after him.
"Wait! I only wanna know where the host it!" Duckula shouted after them. "I wanna get in on the act!"
He slipped in the puddle of goo and felt on his backside, glancing around as the two hamsters ran away screaming, for their lives. Slowly he got up and looked at the ketchup on his fingers, drooling. He began to slurp it off, and then mumbled to himself.
"Better get started. Someone started the pranks without me…" he mumbled as he rushed off after the hamsters. "And those two are my first victims… er… audience members. Maybe they can take me to the host of this shindig… and I'll show them how Halloween is REALLY celebrated… once I perfect my hy… hypo… drat… that thingy this Count hid in his basement…"
He reached under his cape and pulled out what appeared to be a strange whirling mirror on top of a silver rod. He spun it slowly, and began to sing along to the music. Nodding to himself he finished slurping ketchup from his fingers as he took the bag he was carrying with his costumes and showbiz gear and rushed after Penfold and Bagel. As he realized that they had accused him of a practical joke, it dawned on him that he wished HE had thought of the gummi worms in the ketchup trick….
****
Narrator Isenbard: Oh no… Duckula plans to get in on the act, and use Penfold and Bagel to get to the host! And he's not behind the pranks… if he isn't, who is… to find out watch the next spine chilling episode of Danger Mouse…