Tricks are No Treat!
Disclaimer: I don't own Danger Mouse, he's property of Cosgrove Hall productions. Lori L'amour aka M6 and Bagel are my characters, as are others here. This is fanfiction, not for profit… and no harm to the makers of the World's Greatest cartoon about the World's Greatest Secret agent…
Story 4! WOOHOO! My thanks to Sabertooth Kitty, Ellie ET and all you wonderful DM Agents at Clubdm.com who have encouraged me to continue with the fun! And now to a special Halloween story…
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Tricks are NO Treat
By Trynia Merin
Part 4
Danger Mouse stood tall in the face of the blazing inferno that was about to hit. Even though his back was up against the wall, he had faced greater dangers then this fire breathing Dragon. As the dragon belched a sheet of flame, DM ducked to one side, and then dropped to the ground, rolling. His legs swept out and kicked at the dragon's boots, knocking them from under him. As the Dragon stumbled about, not knocked over but unsteady, DM rolled to his feet and grabbed the Dragon's scaly armored tail. Whirling the Dragon thrashed it back and forth, DM holding on for grim death as the Dragon spewed flame all about the room as he whirled around.
"YIIIIIEEE!" DM shouted as he whipped back and forth, struggling to hold on as he narrowly avoided being slammed into the wall.
"LET GO of me!" the dragon roared, whirling about as he threshed his tail. Grimly DM climbed up it, his legs flailing as he pulled himself up hand over hand and finally sprung onto the Dragon's shoulders.
"How can you fight what you can't see?" Danger Mouse taunted, suddenly putting his hands over the blazing red coals that flared with crimson rage.
"RRRRAAAAAGGGH!" the Dragon roared, spinning about as his tail hit the wall and he bucked and tossed, his claws reaching up to tear the agent from his shoulders. However Danger Mouse dodged and wove, kicking his legs back as he slid them around the Dragon's neck and began to squeeze in a patented nelson. Spreading his arms the Dragon broke into a blind run and struggled to throw himself against the walls to bash DM off of him.
"I learned a few tricks from your Yankee cowboys, high ho silver!" DM shouted as he continued to squeeze. "I have no IDEA why you're trying to kill me, other then the fact that you're an insane rock star artist… and you're obviously under someone else's… control… but I won't hurt you… much… so I suggest you surrender NOW!"
"RRRAAAGH!" the Dragon roared, slamming into the wall as he flew wildly in the small maze of corridors. DM dug in his heels and steered him around, and then at the last moment leapt off his back. With a mighty crash the Dragon slammed into the far wall, upsetting cobwebs and a suit of armor.
"Tally ho, game set in match…" said DM with a laugh. Unfortunately he spoke too soon, because the Dragon slowly climbed to his feet, his fangs bared as he hissed ferally.
"That was NOT smart, you limey," he growled menacingly. "You see, that might've kayoed any other goon, but the DRAGON is nigh invulnerable…"
"Oh dear," DM sighed as he backed away, the Dragon stalking toward him. Flame belched as DM leapt out of the way. Soon the tables were again turned, but thankfully he had plenty of hallway to run.
"Don't make me HURT you," the Dragon growled. "My boss wants you ALIVE, but I'd love to fricassee a MOUSE right now…"
"And M6 ADMIRES you? Good grief," DM sighed as he ran away, the Dragon in pursuit. Thankfully it was too cramped in the labyrinth of tunnels for the Dragon to fly. But he ran awfully fast in those snake boots, each step slamming like thunder after his own fleet footfalls.
***
"Bagel… it's no use…" Penfold gasped as he ran hand in hand with her around another maze of spiral steps. Fast behind them were Colonel K and Agent 23, their arms in front of them as they chased the two hamsters.
"Aren't they your friends…" Bagel asked as she led him down another flight of stairs, back in the direction of the grand ballroom. Loud wailing like a sick hound dog hit their ears, and they realized it was the world's worst singer. And some of the NEW music she'd heard sounded FAR sweeter in comparison.
"Oh crikey, it's HIM…"
"Who?" she asked.
"Duckula!" he gasped. "Oh heck he's singing… we can't go back there…"
"Great, zombies behind us, one of them your BOSS and vampire ducks in front of us… what do we do?"
"Yell for help and keep running away!" Penfold cried. "DANGER MOUSE!!!"
"LORI! HELP!" Bagel cried as they realized they were trapped. Even though going into the room where Duckula was singing, or doing what PASSED for singing barely, it was better then facing Penfold's zombified boss and co-workers. At least maybe they could hide and find something to stop their ears up. Likely Danger Mouse would come back and try to rescue them if they heard their screams.
Just then Penfold knocked over a jack o lantern as they rushed past the door and swung it open. Something fell out of it and bagel picked it up. "Oh err, what's this?"
"Wait, it's the codes…" she whispered. "But I thought they were in the tank…"
"Cor Eck… I bet DM hid them here… in case Duckula…"
"We'd better find another place to hide them…" Bagel gasped and suddenly she saw Colonel K and 23 rounding the corner. Shoving them into Penfold's pocket, she glanced at him. Had they seen her holding the paper? Penfold squirmed as her hand slipped inside his jacket and slipped the paper there in the inner pocket.
"Blimey I hope they didn't see that…" he gasped.
"Where to?" she asked him.
"In here…" Penfold gasped as he opened the door, and then put his fingers in his ears. "Oh crumbs that's AWFUL…"
"WHAT?" she cried as she rushed in after him, and they saw the captive audience standing there like sheep, hypnotized by the whirling mirror on the top of Duckula's guitar. He strutted across the stage, wailing and singing as his backup group continued to butcher the Monster Mash song. They robotically clapped their hands and danced with mechanical precision, stiff like robots.
"Oh heck Danger Mouse, where are you?" Penfold cried when he saw the horrible sight. Eyes looked blankly around, as low groans and grunts of assent came from the lips of the boogying agents. IT was an eerie thing, the way they juttered and jigged to Duckula's sonic assault, their eyes glazed and their lips slatted with a chant.
"Duckla's the best, he's the star… he's the master…" they mumbled.
"I can't stand it," Penfold cried as he jammed his fingers in his ears. "Can't… oh heck…"
"Stop up your ears," Bagel gasped as she rushed over to one of the costumed agents, who thankfully didn't notice them, dressed as a mummy, and ripped bandages off to shove in her ears. She dripped candle wax on the strips of bandages and formed some earplugs, trying to stand against the awful cacophony and bad singing. Grabbing some of the bandages she rushed over to where Penfold was huddled on the floor, his fingers jammed in his ears as he struggled to keep from being stepped on by the dancers closest to him. Bagel pulled his fingers out of each ear as she stuffed the wax-coated cloth in, and Penfold glanced up at her with relief on his face.
"C'mon we gotta help them somehow," she gestured.
"EH?" Penfold asked as she dragged him towards the stage. She saw the large power cables leading to the amplifiers and ducked under the dancing zombified agents to grab the plugs. Frantically she tugged on each wire and ripped at them, trying to yank them out of the sockets. Penfold groaned and realized there was no stopping her, so he began to pull on her waist to help her.
Duckula was about to sing the last verse when he heard the music die down, and heard his own voice stop dead. Confused he saw the agents blinking around, and mumbling as they snapped out of their trance. The mirror had stopped spinning, and they were babbling in wonderment. "WHAT the?" Duckula blinked, glancing down at his guitar.
"Stupid cheap piece of junk," he cursed, and held it up by the bridge. In the corner he saw the hamsters yanking out plugs.
"What's going on here?" everyone mumbled. "Where's the band, and who is that?"
"Curses! Everyone listen to me!" he gasped when he realized the confusion had broken his spell. Frantically he spun the mirror again and began to shout at them. The light flickered up and suddenly hit the twirling disco ball, and sparkled again across the lights of those closest tot he stage.
"Master…" they gasped as they were in the trance again.
"Stop those party poopers!" Duckula ordered as he pointed in the direction of Bagel and Penfold. "Time to get SERIOUS!"
"Oh heck…" Penfold cried as he tugged Bagel's hand.
"What else can we wreck…"
"We've got to run," Penfold said.
"What did you say, I can't hear a thing!" she yelled as Penfold tugged at her hand.
"LOOK!" he cried as he spun her around, and they were backed up against the wall, hemmed in by the again tranced agents.
"Get them!" Duckula shouted as he leapt off the stage and Bagel and Penfold squealed in fear as they struggled against the many hands grabbing them. Kicking and struggling they were dragged over to where Duckula stood in the midst of the crowd.
"Ohhhh…" Bagel gasped.
"Crikey, oh heck!" Penfold cried. Just then Colonel K and the agent 23 trudged up, from one side, joining the rest of their fellow agents.
"I'll take care of THESE two myself," Duckula said, as the crowd parted like the Red Sea, and he stood there, hands on his hips. "The NERVE, being stopped by two little nobodies like you…"
"Ohhh heck… don't hurt us!" Penfold cried.
"Not in the face!" Bagel said.
"Well, well well, if it isn't DM's little friend. And you, my little friend, you won't be needing These," he said as he pulled the earplugs out and cackled at them. Bagel shivered as the hands held her up off the ground and she kicked and struggled as Penfold cried and shrieked.
"Danger Mouse help!" he hollered. "Save us!"
"You can't run, and you can't hide," Duckula laughed. "And I think you'll make LOTS less trouble when you've joined my loyal fan club…"
"You wretch, when Lori and DM get a hold of you…" said Bagel.
"Oh no, my little pretty… they're getting an up close and personal with that clown band, that's named after a peck on the cheek. And I guarantee by now they're all washed up," Duckula leered as he grabbed Bagel under the chin.
"Don't hurt her you rotten creep!" Penfold shouted defiantly, although he was scared. Concern for her was overriding the panicking as he struggled against his captors to no avail.
"OH now you have a back bone? This is VERY interesting," Duckula laughed. "So, this little friend of yours is more then just a friend… could it be that a zero like you has found someone special?"
"That's NONE of your business!" Bagel shouted.
"My my, how about we tell you a few jokes from my new routine to lighten you up, little girl…" laughed Duckula. "You see, I've got a tough audience here tonight. While they LOVE my music, I've been unable to get what I REALLY want from them…"
"And that would be WHAT?" Penfold asked. "Applause?"
"Aren't we brave all of a sudden, little man?" Duckula sneered at him. "I don't know… nobody seems to know where those SECRET codes are. I asked EACH and every one of them to shout out where they were when they were hearing my solo, but NOBODY came forward. I really HATE it when I can't get a clear answer…"
"What use are they to you?" Bagel asked. "I thought you wanted to make it in show biz?"
"Don't you see, I could get a LOT of money for them. And with my loyal fan base here, I can plant them in audiences all around the world, and with the money I get from selling the secret codes to the highest bidder I'll finance my own career," said Duckula with a laugh as he glanced at her. "And since you DO know they exist, maybe you'd be so KIND As to let me know where they are?"
"Why not ask DANGER mouse?" sneered Bagel.
"Yeah, when he gets through with you, you'll be BEGGING for mercy!" said Penfold defiantly.
"Oh really? Well, since he's getting barbecued, right now…"
"OH no, what did you do?" asked Bagel.
"I even asked old Colonel K here, but he's a tough nut to crack. Because he said they were hidden in the apple bobbing tub, and unfortunately he wasn't right," Duckula shook his head as he pointed to where several agents were dunking their heads under the water and blindly bopping for apples. "And I have a feeling that Danger Mouse DOES know… and when he sees YOU two at my mercy, he'll plead with me and let me know. But I can't help but think one of YOU might know, on the off chance DM let it slip where they were?"
"No way!" Bagel said. "There's NO way I know anything!"
"I don't either!" Penfold said firmly.
"Oh really, are you SURE you don't know where those codes are?"
"They DO know where they are," said Colonel K blankly. "Master… there was… another place…."
"Why didn't you tell me before?" Duckula asked, hands on his hips as he turned to the colonel.
"You didn't ask, Master…" he said gruffly.
"Sheesh, you TRY to get good hypnotized zombie help and they bite the neck that feeds them…" Duckula shook his head. "So if you DO know something now, care to share?"
"Ask them…" the Colonel pointed. "Just before they entered, I saw the paper… the codes… they were…"
"I am your master. You MUST tell me…"
"I… can't… won't…"
"Oh yes you will… how about YOU, 23? Did you SEE them?"
"I didn't see the phone book page they were written on, no," said Agent 23 in his trance. "And no, I didn't see those two put them into their pockets… but who knows they might have hidden them somewhere else"
"Well, well…" Duckula turned on them. "Hide and seek? Well, why don't we start by asking YOU… missy…"
"No way!" Bagel firmed her lip. "I know NOTHING…"
"Well let me ask you something…What do you get when you throw an egg timer out the window?"
"Um… I hate to ask what…" Bagel shuddered.
"Time flying… get it… "
"Ugh that's so old!" Bagel moaned.
"My dog has no nose…"
"How can he smell if he doesn't have a nose?" asked Bagel, blinking. "That's lame!"
"He smells horrible, get it?" Duckula cackled. Bagel shuddered at the poor juvenile joke.
"Now just WHAT do you think you'll gain telling me bad jokes I learned in first grade on bubble gum wrappers?" Bagel asked him, shivering at the maniacal look in his face.
"Very simple. You tell me where the list is, and I'll stop. And if not, I'll keep trying out my routine. Or maybe Penfold here will be more cooperative. He KNOWS how I like to try out new material… doesn't he?"
"Don't… stop! Please… don't do it, anything but that!" Penfold begged. "Don't hurt her!"
"Knock knock…" Duckula leaned close, glaring her right in the eyes.
"Nobody's home…" Bagel shuddered.
"I said… KNOCK KNOCK!" Duckula shouted in her face.
"Go fly a KITE!" Bagel snapped.
"Tough crowd," he shook his head, and then poked her in the ribs as he continued to taunt, "KNOCK KNOCK!"
"Sorry, you'll HAVE to listen now…" Duckula laughed as he raised the mirror and started it spinning in front of her eyes.
"No… you can't make me…" Bagel gasped.
"Knock knock… knock knock…"
"OH no…" she gasped.
"Don't… don't do it, take me instead!" Penfold cried, as Bagel's eyes grew blank behind her glasses.
"Who's there…?" she said blankly.
"Banana…" Duckula said, waving the mirror before her face.
"Banana who…"
"Knock knock," Duckula again repeated.
"Who's there…"
"Banana…" he again taunted.
"Banana who?" Bagel said dully, following the mirror as it waved back and forth.
"Oh the horror!" Penfold pleaded. "Don't… please, I'm begging you!"
"Knock knock…" Duckula whispered, moving closer to Bagel, her eyes blankly staring into his, which gleamed like two candle flames.
"Don't answer, please!" Penfold begged as he saw sweat on her face.
"Knock knock… I said," Duckula sternly repeated.
"Who's… there?" Bagel murmured, unblinking as all her will deserted her.
"Orange…."
"Orange… who?"
"Ohhh no! Bagel, please no! You FIEND!" he cried.
"Orange you glad I didn't say banana?" Duckula leered as he began to cackle insanely. \
"Oy vey," Bagel winced.
"Well don't just stand there you idiots, laugh! It's SUPPSED to be funny? Get it… orange?"
"Hahahahahah," the ensnared agents laughed flatly. Bagel joined them, her own laugh suppressed and a mocking parody of its usual sweet self.
"Ohhh no… the agony… please… stop I'm begging you!" Penfold cried. "Let her go, anything but that! Take ME instead…"
"Well, I hit a nerve didn't I? Don't worry, chum, I've got a million for you too… and all you have to do is tell me WHERE the codes are…"
"Ohh lummy…." Penfodl sobbed as he turned back to Bagel.
"Or else I'll keep trying my routines out on your girlfriend here…"
"Ohh DANGER MOUSE, please save us… don't do this to her… please…" Penfold whimpered as Duckula spun the mirror again at her, and he heard her faked laughter to another stinker of a knock knock joke.
***
"This is getting monotonous," mumbled DM as he ran around another corner, and found a dead end, the Dragon belching fire at him. He dodged the flame, only to be knocked off balance as the tail spun and swiped him.
"I agree… stay still so I can burn you to a crisp!" the Dragon growled as he again breathed another tongue of flame.
"I'm allergic to sudden death," said DM as he dodged for the umpteenth time. Where was a bucket of water when you needed one?
"This is getting boring," said the Dragon. "Time for something ELSE… how about this…"
He dodged forward, and suddenly green slime shot out of his mouth and landed on DM, who wiped at his suit, looking at disdainful disgust, "Ugh… this is my BEST suit…" as he pawed slime off out his face. While he was distracted, the Dragon's tail whipped out and wrapped around him, as the Dragon pulled him close and grabbed a few of the chains from his costume, latching them around DM's waist to pin his arms at his side. DM landed on the ground with a thump, trussed in several yards of chain from the Dragon's costume.
"Finally, results," he laughed as DM struggled.
"I say that was BAD pool," DM snorted, glancing up as he blinked, green slime all over his body. With a puff of fire that shot over, him, h e winced, and the slime suddenly hardened, so he couldn't use it to slip out of the chain. The flames licked over with such precise control, they did not harm DM, only singed his fur a tad.
"Good. And NOW maybe that I've GOT your attention, Ill ask you where some secret CODES are?"
"What has that maniac told you?" DM asked.
"Hmm, I guess you're gonna be a tough guy. No matter. The master asked me to bring you back, so I'm gonna do that," he said, grabbing DM up and slinging him over his broad spiked shoulder lick a sack of potatoes.
"This is terribly undignified!" DM shouted as the Dragon carried him through the maze of corridors.
"Oh, you'll deal," the Dragon laughed.
"He's obviously got you under a spell. I can't say I think that you LIKE having someone telling a big bad rock star, and famous person like yourself what to do, do you?"
"Never you mind. He's the master…"
"From what Lori has said about you men of smooch, you don't like to get pushed around. You're a rock star artist aren't you? I think the LAST thing you want is to be taking orders from a duck… who stole your show… I mean he IS performing while you're chasing around down here…"
"Huh?" the Dragon asked.
"Surely you're not as dim witted as you appear," DM said slowly.
"Shut up," the Dragon mumbled as he reached the stairs that lead up. There was thankfully silence, for the wailing concert had stopped.
"Hmm, as I recall, he took the stage, and stopped your performance. Or are you really thick headed as well as thick skinned?" DM taunted. If this Dragon were under hypnosis, maybe some anger would break the spell. OR so he hoped.
"None of your BIZZ wax, mouse!" the Dragon roared, and suddenly tossed DM down.
"My my, we are touchy," DM clicked his tongue.
"Nobody tells Gila SCALESIMM, the LEGEND of ROCK and the THUNDER God what to do!" he roared.
"Oh no, nobody told you to come chasing after ME while he steals your spotlight at a party you were supposed to play at?" DM leered up at the Dragon, whose eyes blazed crimson.
"Shut up!" he roared.
"You are being set up," DM said. "Used, like a thug. He's going to steal your audience, and he's got you BRAINWASHED. You think your adoring FANS will want to hear about how the mighty Dragon of Smooch was used like a fool?"
"RRRRRGGGAAAGH!" the Dragon roared at DM, who wriggled away like a caterpillar.
"I hope it works," DM said. "Because if it didn't, I just made a rather BIG error in judgement…"
"I'll SMASH you, you little rodent!" he said. "Nobody makes a fool out of Gila Scalesimm!"
"But he is… and you ARE a fool… to let a big bad lizard like you be controlled by a scrawny, puny vampire duck…" DM said as he inched up the wall to a standing position, and his fingers wriggled in an attempt to find any sort of weakness in the steel chains wrapping around him. "And didn't he tell you to bring me unharmed?"
"I HATE a SMART ALECK!" the Dragon roared, advancing on DM.
"STOP! Gila, man you HAVE to stop!" shouted a voice. Standing there was Lori, in her Smooch groupie outfit.
"What?" he turned around.
"Stop this, it's not LIKE you! You can't hurt him! He's a hero! And you're a rock star. Do you want your fans to know you've hurt the world's greatest secret agent?" Lori asked as she rushed up.
"You… I know you doll, you're from the concert… you're dressed like us…"
"I'm one of your biggest fans. Please Gila, don't do this… you're under a spell, and you have to break free… you're being used…" Lori implored.
"Nobody controls me," he growled, turning on her as DM struggled with his chains.
"But they are, don't you see? And while you're here he's probably doing something awful. Please, you have to FIGHT to control!" Lori said.
"I… wait…" he blinked.
"Remember he crashed your concert," said DM. "Right in the middle of the show. You were hired to entertain, not chase agents… you're a performer… you've got to fight back…"
"I'm confused… I don't let people boss me around, but wait… I had to go after you… he commanded me…" Gila blinked, holding his head, as his eyes flared orange in confusion.
"Gila, please, I've admired you and Saul for years. You're not monsters. You're just singers who have special powers…"
"I AM a monster," Gila growled. "And I smash, and destroy… the Master… wait, I have no master… what am I saying?"
"You see, you're being manipulated, you must fight!" Lori cried.
"I don't WANNA smash him, but Duckula said… bring him back… and everything about me wants to PULVERIZE him…" Gila gasped. "How do I know YOU'RE not trying to trick me?"
"Please Gila… don't do this… fight, prove how strong you are!" Lori said as he growled low in his throat and began to advance on her.
"You're all trying to TRICK me," he growled. "Stop telling me WHAT to do!"
Lori tumbled out of the way as his fireballs hit and he leapt at her with a roar. She dodged his tail and then swiped out with her own telescoping tail, which whipped around his legs, tugging. Growling his own tail wrapped around her waist, yanking her legs out and hurling her to the side where she slammed into DM.
"I don't want to fight you," she gasped as she shook herself off, and held up her hands. A quick left and a right cracked out, but her blows were blocked as Gila grabbed her wrists, and his tail snared her body.
"I… must obey…" he growled. "Must… take him back… must…"
"No please!" Lori said.
"Let her go," Dm gasped. Just then a purple beam sizzled past Gila's cheek and he snorted, turning his head to one side.
"That's enough Gila, you big goon!" shouted Saul Stann as he stood to one side. "Put the girl down NOW!"
"I don't believe this, I'm being rescued by a rock star," DM sighed.
"Danger Mouse, are you all right?" asked Saul.
"Yes, but I can't get free… and Lori…"
"I'll take care of this. Gila put her down NOW. I don't want to have to put you down, but if I have to…"
"Shut up fancy pants… always getting all the attention and the girls. I'm SICK of it!" Gila roared.
"Let her go. You've been brainwashed man," Saul said. "You don't HAVE to do this. We have to go kick that vampire duck's tail!"
"You want her, she's YOURS! I've got a package to deliver!" Gila shouted as he hurled Lori at Saul. Quickly he caught her as the Dragon turned and grabbed Danger Mouse.
"Put me DOWN you overgrown garter snake!" DM shouted as the Dragon suddenly found himself in a room large enough where he could spread his wings and sail up the huge stairs to the ballroom where Duckula awaited him.
"Oh that went great," Saul sighed as he held Lori, stunned in his arms. He rushed after Danger Mouse, still carrying Lori.
"Um Saul, you can put me down now…" she blushed.
"Oops, sorry. I'm just trying to make sure you're all right," he said as he carried her quickly up the stairs, in hot pursuit of the dragon.
"Thanks for saving me," she smiled up at him. "But DM…"
"I'll help you save him, even if I have to clobber that goon with my relaxer ray," said Saul. "I should have hit him with it, but he's one of my best friends…"
"I know," she nodded. "But wait… what's that noise… it sounds like…"
"Someone screaming…"
"Penfold!" DM's shouts came as they reached the door. "Let him GO you fiend!"
***