Part 4

Each foot tapped solidly with the carpeted floor, their place calculated, the intent behind them unsteady. Their owner tried once more to comprehend exactly how he'd gotten dragged into this. Mentally chuckling to himself he remembered Kathryn's exact words... "There are few people on this ship who she trusts and she's not talking to half of them. You just happen to be one she may still be willing to talk to."

Was it true? Maybe. Did he have a choice? Absolutely not. He wasn't even sure if he was the right guy to do this. In the amount of time she'd been aboard this ship he'd only spoken with her once or twice. Not exactly the best prerequisite for the task at hand. There was no use complaining about it now, especially seeing as his destination was rapidly coming closer. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he tried to imagine what the impending conversation was going to be like. 'Short, hopefully,' he thought to himself.

Titling his head, he gingerly read the lettering beside each door, counting them down. The words 'Cargo Bay 6' told him he didn't have much further to go. He could feel a knot form in his stomach when the six became a five and the five became a four. As three came into view he truly started to feel apprehensive. He was not the guy for this. He pondered about going back to Kathryn and telling her she had to find someone else, or do it herself. He didn't. He knew that Kathryn was right. The woman had simply started to ignore most people. In all honesty he probably wouldn't get her to open up but he had to try. It was the least he could do for her.

At last he arrived just outside Cargo Bay 2, Seven's makeshift quarters. Wavering for a split second he reached out and rang the proverbial doorbell. No one answered and he waited, ringing again.

****

Within the hollowed walls Seven's crumpled form jolted from its position on the floor next to her alcove. Lifting her head at the first ring she silently wished for the disturbance to go away. It didn't, the second chime quickly following the first.

Dread washed over her like a menacing waterfall. She knew they would come for her but had subconsciously hoped they wouldn't. Slowly she uncurled herself and struggled to stand. She managed and on unsteady legs moved to the center of the room. Turning to the door, she called out softly for the intruder to enter.

At her command, the doors slid open, taking their time to show who the intruder was. Shock waves rolled through her at the site before her. Quirking a brow, she curtly said, "Commander."

Her tone surprised Chakotay. Aside from the normal disdain there was a hint of something he couldn't quite place. Whatever it was it made her voice quiver and shined clearly in her blue eyes.

A sense of joy settled over Seven. It wasn't the captain, which was all that mattered. Placing her hands behind her back, she walked over to a console and started to work silently.

Her complete and utter dismissal of Chakotay shocked him. Stepping further into the room the doors slid shut behind him. "Seven?"

Peering up at him, she cocked her head, "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Uh, yeah... We need to talk." He treaded over his choice of words gingerly.

"Very well." She stepped away from the console to show the commander he had her full attention, "What is it you wish to discuss?" The question was faulty and unneeded, she knew why he was here, what he wanted to discuss. That didn't mean she was going to make it easy for him. She could sense his nervousness, his unwillingness to be here. Her time on the Star Ship Voyager had taught her a few things, one being that if you gave a human an excuse to get out of what they had to do they usually took it.

"I would think it'd be obvious, Seven."

Her will almost faltered when, unlike the others she'd deceived in this way, he persisted. The exterior façade she'd grown accustomed to bearing fell for a split second but it was long enough for the perceptive man to catch.

'So that's her game,' Chakotay mused mentally, her intentions dawning on him. She was turning out to be a lot more complex then the mindless drone he'd first thought to label her as. "Two words, Mess Hall." He stated the words simply with a stern gentleness to his voice. Hoping she would get the hint that he wasn't going to just walk away from this or from her, he moved closer to her.

His actions seemed to perturb Seven and she took a pace back away from his advances. Her disinterested features hardened like an ageless rock. "It is interesting that the Captain sent you instead of cornering me herself as per usual."

If this was her attempt at agitating him, she was far off base. However Chakotay made the mental note never to enter into a full-fledged encounter with her. "Is that what you think I'm doing? Cornering you?"

"The reasoning for your presence here is to lecture me on my conduct and punish me accordingly, is it not?" She never allowed him to answer her question, instead tilting her head in her infamous superior like way. "You've chosen to do this in my quarters, my comfort zone. Thus you have cornered me in a most cowardly way that has been, up until now, the Captain's trademark. Congratulations, you've become just like her." A crude smile crossed her features when she was rewarded with the reaction she'd hoped for, anger.

"Alright that's it!" Chakotay surprised himself as his voice raised. "I won't let you berate myself and the Captain. My *intentions* in coming here were simply to find out what was wrong with you..."

Quirking her metallic brow, Seven interrupted him, "If you are not here to punish me then LEAVE for I will not stand here and listen to you lecture me."

"GAH! I'm not here to do that either, Seven! God no wonder Kathryn sent me instead of her—you're practically intolerable."

Seven felt his words seep in as if they were blades of fire, stinging and burning at her control. She could feel new and old wounds open up and her eyes once again started to tingle. However this time she could not stop the tears from falling. Her loss of control shocked him, causing guilt to worm its way into his heart. Aside from the tears streaming down her face, nothing else about her features spoke of the pain burrowing within her.

Flaring her nose like a possessed viral animal, she seethed her anger. "I may be intolerable but these are my quarters so I suggest you leave before I..."

"Before what?" he snapped back, his anger almost matching her own. "You break my nose like you did Neelix's?" he ground out his words through severely clenched teeth.

She swallowed a thick lump in her throat and managed to squeak out her next few words. "I... I broke his nose?"

His anger subsided a little but his irritation was more than present in his demeanor and tone. "Yeah, you did. He's fine now if you even care."

She flinched at his snide comment and wiped blandly at the watery tracks marring her stoic face. Breathing in deeply she noted how strenuous the task had somehow managed to become. "I apologized for my lack of control, Commander. Please tell Neelix that I apologize for any damage I may have caused."

Skeptically he peered at her, unsure if she deserved to hear what he had to say. "I don't think you earned the right to know this but I made a promise to friend. Neelix wishes you to know that he's already forgiven you and he's not angry, though I have no idea why."

A sensation she could only dictate as relief eased the apprehension in her tensed figure. Bowing her head, she peered at the floor self-consciously. He may not have been angry at her before but he was now and she only had herself to blame.

The change in emotions rolling off this woman did not go unnoticed to Chakotay and he almost started to feel regret for his previous accusations, almost. Something she had said before came rushing back to him and he found himself unable to not question her on it. "You said you lacked control... Is that what happened in the Mess Hall?"

Her head only seemed to dip lower at his question. He saw her lips move but couldn't hear her words. On some level he didn't need to, he could visibly see her answer in the way her body arched in a pathetic slump. She had lost control. The only question was why.

"What happened back there Seven? Why did you lose control?"

"If I knew the answer, don't you think I would have tried to fix it?" What little confidence she had left in her slender frame seemed to seep out along with those words.

Never had he ever seen such desperation coming from this former Borg. Not even after they had disconnected her from the Collective. He found himself in awe of her, somehow in the past five minutes she'd managed to exert a full gamut of emotions from not only herself but from him as well. An inkling suspicion that there was something more she'd hadn't expressed to him surfaced.

He gave voice to his suspicions without recourse. "There's more isn't there?"

That made her react, her head snapped up but her shoulders remained slumped in a constant depression. "Yes, there is." She didn't disclose anymore and that irked him.

"Care to expand? I don't exactly read minds." His attempt at humor fell on more than deaf ears.

"I... experienced the symptoms of claustrophobia as I tried to exit the Mess Hall." She seemed to struggle with her admission. It was a fault, an imperfect wrinkle in the perfection she tried to maintain. When he said nothing, she hesitantly continued, "It seemed as if the walls were exponentially growing closer which is physically impossible. The air grew thicker, harder to breath. My vi... vision blurred." The more she explained the more difficult it became to continue but she pressed on, determined to finish what she had started. "The crewmembers around me seemed to be laughing at my expense and when I accidentally touched one of them my skin seemed to burn at contact. I became afraid and desperate to leave. It was then that Mr. Neelix grabbed my arm. At the time I did not know it was him and I... panicked. I never intended to do him harm." The tears attempted to return, brimming in her weeping blue eyes but they didn't. She wouldn't allow them to.

"He knows that and so do I," he spoke warmly, trying to soothe her.

She just nodded her head, not truly accepting his words to be truth but not dismissing them either. The slight jostle brought on another bout of dizziness that raked over her like a blanket of sandpaper. She stumbled just a step and her arm flew to her temple. Chakotay watched with growing concern, wondering whether he should step in to offer his help.

"Seven?"

She raised her hand to repel him off, "I don't need your assistance, I am fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she ground out even when her vertigo worsened.

He wasn't convinced and closed the proximity between them. She tried to retreat away from him but at that moment her weakened knees decided to give out. They buckled, causing waves of trembles to travel along her body. A shuddering breath left her lungs as her exhausted body started to descend towards the unmerciful floor. Warm arms encircled her miniscule waist and pulled her close to a warm body. Unwillingly, she leaned heavily on Chakotay and allowed him to lead her towards her alcove. Sitting them down at the base, he propped her up against the wall.

His comforting hand continued to rest on her shaking arm as he whispered, "Are you okay?"

Breathing deeply, she was only able to nod, any chance at forming words lost in her attempt to keep from throwing up. He couldn't help but roll his eyes while reaching for his comm badge and tapping it. "Chakotay to Sickbay."

Her eyes widened and she grabbed his arm gently. "No," there was a quiet desperation to her tone that he almost couldn't deny but he knew he had to. He stared deep into her eyes and saw the signs of hopelessness.

"This is the Doctor."

The Doctor's voice broke through the silence but neither Chakotay nor Seven broke eye contact. She read the determination in his eyes and squeezed his arm a little harder. "Please," she whispered brashly.

Staring deeply into her eyes, he found himself giving in and shook his head. "Doctor could you hold on for a second?"

There was a pause before the Doctor responded, "Of course."

With that the transmission ended and the commander turned to Seven, making eye contact once more. With a stern look he asked her, "Give me one reason why I shouldn't tell the Doctor you practically fainted."

Seven's tongue slipped out of her mouth to wet her dry lips. "I am simply in need of nourishment, it's no reason to alarm the Doctor."

"You're gonna have to do better than that."

"I... do not wish to speak nor be near the Doctor. It would be awkward."

"Why?" he persisted.

She fidgeted underneath his penetrating glare and almost mutely told him, "The last time I spoke with the Doctor it did not end very well. We are at odds."

She watched as he considered what she had said for a few moments then tapped his badge once more. Stiffening, she waited for him to tell the Doctor what had happened but he never did; telling the Doctor that it was a false alarm and apologizing for bothering him instead. The tension that had practically frozen her melted away and she relaxed against the wall.

Chakotay didn't take his eyes off of her, concerned at her uncharacteristic behavior. The silence that descended upon the pair became almost unbearable for Chakotay and in a need to break it he started to sit up more. "Would you like me to get you something to eat?"

Without moving an inch she wistfully said, "That would be agreeable."

Chuckling, he stood and muttered lightheartedly, "That would be a yes." Peering over his shoulder he caught the slight smirk that graced her features. Smiling with pride at being able to create that reaction from her he walked across the room to the replicator. "Uh... Bran Muffin." That seemed nutritional enough. He wasn't exactly an expert on what Seven liked to eat. The muffin materialized in the small opened juncture. Grabbing it gently, he walked it over to Seven and passed it to her.

She accepted it almost gratefully and picked at it leisurely as if she had actually eaten something in the past few days, which she hadn't. Placing a morsel in her mouth she stared at the floor despondently. It saddened him to watch her feeling so low. Dropping back into the spot next to her silence once again filled the room.

Seven struggled to swallow the lumps of cake. Her throat was dry and the more she tried the more it seemed to hurt. Taking one last piece and forcing it down she placed the half-eaten muffin aside and folded her hands in her lap. It was then that she noticed how truly uncomfortable the air in the room had gotten.

Clearing his throat, Chakotay once again broke the silence. "So... you have no idea why you experienced what you did?"

"Lieutenant Torres seems to believe I am suffering from repressed memories."

"You talked to B'Elanna about this?" It was more of a statement of shock and amusement then a question.

"It was a momentary lack of judgement on my part. It has since passed." The look on her face may have been stoic but he heard the humor in her voice and laughed out loud.

"Was that a joke?"

Her implant brow rose mischievously and she responded in kind. "Perhaps."

"What made B'Elanna think you're having repressed memories?"

She stiffened a little more at his question and shifted away from him. "I... Explained to her the experience I had that made the Doctor believe I'd had a nightmare"

"Nightmare? I didn't know you could have nightmares." As soon as the words left his mouth he realized the implication they held. "I didn't mean that you're not human enough to... well uh what I meant was..."

"I am more than capable, Commander, even during regeneration." Seven quickly spoke to halt him from making even more of a fool of himself. She found it odd that humans tended to place themselves in such situations. "This was my first."

A frown placated his features, "Kind of sucks that you're first dream was a nightmare."

"It is irrelevant."

Disbelief washed over him. Was she serious? He tried to read her face but it was pointless, her expressions never gave much away. "Dreaming is an essential part of being human."

"Irrelevant." There was that word again. He was really starting to hate that word. "My humanity has lead me to injure a fellow crewman, to lose vital regeneration time, become less efficient in my duties. I do not wish to be human."

Chakotay tried to conjure something to say to that, some way to change her mind with convincing words. There were none and he forced himself to let it slide. "Tell me about it?"

That got her attention away from the stale floor and back on him. How could he ask such a thing, not even the Doctor knew the details and she wasn't sure if she could. But when her eyes connected with his, she saw something that she hadn't seen in the Doctors. It was almost like sympathy but not. Could it be empathy? Whatever it was it made the idea of telling him more appealing. "I cannot."

"Why? It can't be that you don't remember cause we all know your memory is vast."

"That is correct," she admitted, mentally cursing her own memory. "I cannot because I don't want to remember." His gaze on her started to make her nervous and in an attempt to alleviate that feeling she uncertainly moved to stand. "I wish to terminate this conversation. I have work to complete."

"I can't force you to tell me Seven but we've got to do something about this." Chakotay followed her movement and came to stand beside her. "Maybe the Doctor can do some kind of regression..."

"NO!" Seven spat, swirling around to face him. "I will not allow the Doctor to do that again. The last time he did a man died."

Without thought the commander took at step back at her outburst. "Okay, okay. But there are other alternatives you could take."

"Explain," she commanded abruptly.

"Uh... Well, Tuvok. He might be able to do a mindmeld." He paused to gauge her expression and quickly noted her dislike of that idea. "There's also an ancient ritual my ancestors would perform to aid someone in discovering themselves, it's a vision quest of sorts."

"I am familiar with the Akoonah."

"Really? I'm surprised."

"I know many things about the different cultures on this ship. It has aided me in understanding some of the behavioral characteristics of this crew."

Chakotay laughed at that. It was always about efficiency with her. "Would you be interested?"

She thought pensively for a few seconds. If, in doing this, she was able to regain control of herself it was more than worth it. A tinge of fear welled within her, a fear of facing the truth and all its demons. But fear was irrelevant, what was relevant was her getting back to peak proficiency. "Very well, you will aid me."

"Okay, I don't get off duty for a few more hours. I'll let you know when I'm ready. You'll need a few sentimental items to keep you grounded to this world," he explained.

Her brow rose at his words. "I don't have any such items. All that I own is in this room."

He let his eyes survey the contours of the aforementioned room and devised an idea. "Then I guess we'll have to do this here, if that's okay with you?"

"Yes."

It was then that he noticed her arms crossed behind her back. A sign to him that her stone covered walls were back up. She was closed off once more, stoic, blunt and herself. He found himself almost missing the fragile and vulnerable side of her. At least then she seemed human but now... She was exactly as she liked it—human body, Borg mind. Maybe what she'd said before about not wanting to be human wasn't just something brash she'd felt in the heat of the moment. Maybe she meant it. That thought saddened him. Her humanity had been stolen from her once and now that she had the will to get that back she just shunned the idea. She deserved to regain her identity.

Sighing he nodded and prepared himself to leave. "I'll let you know when I'm ready." Taking one last fleeting glance at the hardened curtain that had closed on the woman, he made his exit.

Fidgeting for a moment, Seven opened that curtain one last time. "Commander."

He stopped at his name falling from her lips and turned to gaze at her. He saw her emotions seep through the cracks in her wall. She did that for him.

"Thank you." Her voice was warm and tender, as was her expression but that quickly reverted and the moment was all but lost.

"You're welcome."

TBC

~Gimpy~