Helena was in a very good mood, talking with Barbara in a fast food
restaurant. She seemed happy; the red head observed and analyzed all her
movements and reactions. Her mind had been spinning the image Helena's
reaction to the loud noise in the store; it wasn't the first time that
she had seen fear in her eyes. She was worried because the girl appeared to
be more and more nervous.
The girl's laughter pulled her from her inner thoughts; she laughed too.
"But," Helena said, "he is now my friend."
"That is good." Barbara said, hoping Helena hadn't noticed that she wasn't listening. "Helena. I want ask you something."
"Shoot..." Helena finished her hotdog and sipped a bit of coke.
"Have you noticed that you are really on edge? Any small noise scares you."
"Me? You're kidding." Helena smiled. "That wasn't a small noise earlier."
"I know, but. I have been watching you and you are always nervous. Maybe you haven't realized that. You need to learn to control your fears." Barbara told her.
"I don't have any fears." Helena sighed.
"You and I both have fears, but we need to face them or they will always follow us. It's nothing to be ashamed of; you should have more confidence to face them. I have fears."
"You?" Helena scoffed. "Please!"
"I have fears, I have nightmares. My demons follow me and I have to face them every day."
"What demons?"
"The demons of the image of the person that hurt me and put me in this chair. The demons that maybe some day I will be faced with him... And I'm still fighting against my condition of being disabled. It isn't easy to accept it, and even more so when you used to be free..."
"I don't have demons following me." Helena lowered her eyes and played with a french fry in her fingers.
"To face your demons, you first have to admit them," Barbara explained. "You have them. Your mother's murder is one."
Helena threw the fry on her plate and moved uncomfortably on her chair.
"Your nights alone in that orphanage," Barbara could see the kid begin to move nervously on the chair and she pushed her, "the nights that they locked you in that cold room; how many nights were you locked up, Helena? I read that the police hunted you everytime that you ran away. How did you feel running in the streets without a place to go."
"I'm okay!" Helena said raising her voice. "I'm okay, get it?"
"All those memories are following you like ghosts and you need to face them." Barbara fixed her eyes on her.
"That's not true." Helena avoided her look and closed her ears again; that was the only way to not remember and not to feel.
"Avoiding it won't help you. If you ignore the wound you can never heal it."
"You don't know me!" Helena stood up "You couldn't know what I'm feeling, I'm okay... did you hear me? I'm okay!"
"No, you aren't okay." Barbara said in calm voice, resting her back on the chair "Look at yourself, you're trembling; you are scared to accept that the last few months still hurt you. Sit down."
Helena looked around without knowing what to do.
"Are you thinking of running away as you always do? Come on! Sit down, Helena!," Barbara said with a firm voice. "You can't run all your life! You can go if you wish, but before you do, tell me from who, or what, you are running? From me and my words, or from the truth that lies behind them? This is not my reality, it's yours."
Barbara kept silent a few seconds watching the kid block in her feelings. "Sit down." she insisted. The girl obeyed angrily, afraid that Barbara was getting too close to the truth.
"This is not about me, it's about you," Barbara said in low voice. "I see you crying at night, I saw you jumping, as frightened as a hunted animal. I'm trying to help you, I'm worried for you. I'm afraid as you are now of my demons. You are not the only one that feels scared. Many nights I wake up crying too. But I'm not hiding, I'm facing my past and my present. I want you to do it some day too."
Helena didn't say a word, she fixed her eyes on the floor. Barbara understood that was the moment to stop pressing her. "I know that you don't like to talk about this; just think about it. When you face your own fears, you will feel much better. I promise not to talk again about this until you want, okay?"
Helena didn't respond; she continued staring at the floor.
"I know that the things will never be the same; but I don't want your past to destroy your future. I want you to learn to live with it." Barbara touched her shoulder but Helena moved to avoid it. She stood up and walked hurriedly to the exit.
"Helena!" Barbara called her, but the girl didn't turn around. Barbara followed her but when she got to the door, she had gone. Barbara sighed, feeling guilty, maybe she had pressed her too much. She lowered her head while she pondered what to do.
* * *
Helena walked without direction for many hours. She jumped on a building and later to another using each one as a stairway. Finally, she sat on the rooftop of a five floor building looking at the lights. She looked at the next building. There were almost 40 yards between it and the one she was on. She wasn't a coward; she had accepted her mothers death, she had survive the YDT; Barbara was wrong. Helena looked down, she could jump that distance. She stepped back, her eyes locked on the other building; she could face her fears; she could keep going alone she didn't need anyone, not even Barbara.
She ran and jumped; the feeling of flying was amazing, suddenly she realized she had miscalculated the distance and she felt her heart beat faster. She couldn't reach the other side. Her hands barely caught the edge. Her body smashed heavily against the wall and the air was knocked from her lungs. She endured the pain trying not let go and fall to the ground.
"Damn." she mumbled clenching her teeth and trying to recover her breath. She rested a few seconds and tried to climb but her feet slipped on the wall. She looked down, it was too high to try to jump down, she had never jumped more than two floors. She tried to lift her own weight with her hands but it was impossible; she slipped again. She began to feel tired and looked for someone to help her.
She saw a small hole in the wall and put the tip of her shoe in it to use it to climb. She rested her weight there and the wall broke and she fell down. Scared, she saw the black sky over her, she turned to land on her feet but under her were boxes and a container; she closed her eyes. She fell over the container; she bounced against the wood boxes and into the garbage with a loud thud.
* * *
Barbara was worried, she was waiting for Helena at home. Barbara wheeled around the lab anxiously. She felt they had been trying to face against her fears but she didn't have an idea that her denies were so strong; she had took her to the edge and she had exploded. She was afraid of her reaction, she really didn't know her in this situation and neither knew what she would do. Helena always had been in a warm place and the success in the last months had been a strong shock to her.
She looked her watch. It was late, almost eleven. She looked at Alfred and picked up the phone. "I'll call the police."
"Miss Barbara trust her. She'll come back."
"I was so hard on her."
"Nothing is easy."
"I know but maybe it was too much, too soon." Barbara said.
"She needs to face her fears, and as you said, she will never do it is she keeps hiding," Alfred pointed out. "She is smart, she will understand.
The elevator door opened, Barbara waited, hopefully. Helena entered but something was wrong. Barbara took off her glasses. Alfred smelled something strange.
"Helena, are you okay?"
"Yes." she said walking to her room.
"What happened to you?" Barbara followed her; she heard a strange squishing sound every time she took a step.
"Nothing."
"Helena, come here please. I want to apologize." Barbara also got a good whiff of the rotten smell.
Helena stood up and turned her head to see Barbara. The red head looked at her surprised, she opened her mouth. Helena was covered in trash and smelled awful.
"Don't say a word, it was an accident... what do you want?" Helena asked in a bad mood.
"What happened to you?"
Helena put her hands in her pockets and turned to see her "I couldn't jump as far as I imagined and I fell into a trash container."
Barbara couldn't hold in her laugh and covered her mouth. "I'm sorry," she said.
Helena rolled her eyes and saw Alfred laughing too. "What is so funny?" she asked feeling pissed, she had a bad night and now she needed to listen to the jokes from the two of them.
Barbara and Alfred couldn't answer they were laughing hysterically. Helena glared at them.
"Sorry." Barbara mumbled holding her stomach "I want. I want to apologize to you because today I was so hard on you but. sorry"
"Forget it," Helena sighed, she couldn't avoid smiling and covered her face with a hand, then started to laugh with them. "I feel so stupid."
"No, this is extremely funny, sorry Hel. Go to take a bath and come to dinner."
"And please don't touch anything." Alfred pointed.
The bad day finished with a nice, relaxing dinner for all of them. Helena accepted that she needed to face her fears and that Barbara was trying to help her.
The girl's laughter pulled her from her inner thoughts; she laughed too.
"But," Helena said, "he is now my friend."
"That is good." Barbara said, hoping Helena hadn't noticed that she wasn't listening. "Helena. I want ask you something."
"Shoot..." Helena finished her hotdog and sipped a bit of coke.
"Have you noticed that you are really on edge? Any small noise scares you."
"Me? You're kidding." Helena smiled. "That wasn't a small noise earlier."
"I know, but. I have been watching you and you are always nervous. Maybe you haven't realized that. You need to learn to control your fears." Barbara told her.
"I don't have any fears." Helena sighed.
"You and I both have fears, but we need to face them or they will always follow us. It's nothing to be ashamed of; you should have more confidence to face them. I have fears."
"You?" Helena scoffed. "Please!"
"I have fears, I have nightmares. My demons follow me and I have to face them every day."
"What demons?"
"The demons of the image of the person that hurt me and put me in this chair. The demons that maybe some day I will be faced with him... And I'm still fighting against my condition of being disabled. It isn't easy to accept it, and even more so when you used to be free..."
"I don't have demons following me." Helena lowered her eyes and played with a french fry in her fingers.
"To face your demons, you first have to admit them," Barbara explained. "You have them. Your mother's murder is one."
Helena threw the fry on her plate and moved uncomfortably on her chair.
"Your nights alone in that orphanage," Barbara could see the kid begin to move nervously on the chair and she pushed her, "the nights that they locked you in that cold room; how many nights were you locked up, Helena? I read that the police hunted you everytime that you ran away. How did you feel running in the streets without a place to go."
"I'm okay!" Helena said raising her voice. "I'm okay, get it?"
"All those memories are following you like ghosts and you need to face them." Barbara fixed her eyes on her.
"That's not true." Helena avoided her look and closed her ears again; that was the only way to not remember and not to feel.
"Avoiding it won't help you. If you ignore the wound you can never heal it."
"You don't know me!" Helena stood up "You couldn't know what I'm feeling, I'm okay... did you hear me? I'm okay!"
"No, you aren't okay." Barbara said in calm voice, resting her back on the chair "Look at yourself, you're trembling; you are scared to accept that the last few months still hurt you. Sit down."
Helena looked around without knowing what to do.
"Are you thinking of running away as you always do? Come on! Sit down, Helena!," Barbara said with a firm voice. "You can't run all your life! You can go if you wish, but before you do, tell me from who, or what, you are running? From me and my words, or from the truth that lies behind them? This is not my reality, it's yours."
Barbara kept silent a few seconds watching the kid block in her feelings. "Sit down." she insisted. The girl obeyed angrily, afraid that Barbara was getting too close to the truth.
"This is not about me, it's about you," Barbara said in low voice. "I see you crying at night, I saw you jumping, as frightened as a hunted animal. I'm trying to help you, I'm worried for you. I'm afraid as you are now of my demons. You are not the only one that feels scared. Many nights I wake up crying too. But I'm not hiding, I'm facing my past and my present. I want you to do it some day too."
Helena didn't say a word, she fixed her eyes on the floor. Barbara understood that was the moment to stop pressing her. "I know that you don't like to talk about this; just think about it. When you face your own fears, you will feel much better. I promise not to talk again about this until you want, okay?"
Helena didn't respond; she continued staring at the floor.
"I know that the things will never be the same; but I don't want your past to destroy your future. I want you to learn to live with it." Barbara touched her shoulder but Helena moved to avoid it. She stood up and walked hurriedly to the exit.
"Helena!" Barbara called her, but the girl didn't turn around. Barbara followed her but when she got to the door, she had gone. Barbara sighed, feeling guilty, maybe she had pressed her too much. She lowered her head while she pondered what to do.
* * *
Helena walked without direction for many hours. She jumped on a building and later to another using each one as a stairway. Finally, she sat on the rooftop of a five floor building looking at the lights. She looked at the next building. There were almost 40 yards between it and the one she was on. She wasn't a coward; she had accepted her mothers death, she had survive the YDT; Barbara was wrong. Helena looked down, she could jump that distance. She stepped back, her eyes locked on the other building; she could face her fears; she could keep going alone she didn't need anyone, not even Barbara.
She ran and jumped; the feeling of flying was amazing, suddenly she realized she had miscalculated the distance and she felt her heart beat faster. She couldn't reach the other side. Her hands barely caught the edge. Her body smashed heavily against the wall and the air was knocked from her lungs. She endured the pain trying not let go and fall to the ground.
"Damn." she mumbled clenching her teeth and trying to recover her breath. She rested a few seconds and tried to climb but her feet slipped on the wall. She looked down, it was too high to try to jump down, she had never jumped more than two floors. She tried to lift her own weight with her hands but it was impossible; she slipped again. She began to feel tired and looked for someone to help her.
She saw a small hole in the wall and put the tip of her shoe in it to use it to climb. She rested her weight there and the wall broke and she fell down. Scared, she saw the black sky over her, she turned to land on her feet but under her were boxes and a container; she closed her eyes. She fell over the container; she bounced against the wood boxes and into the garbage with a loud thud.
* * *
Barbara was worried, she was waiting for Helena at home. Barbara wheeled around the lab anxiously. She felt they had been trying to face against her fears but she didn't have an idea that her denies were so strong; she had took her to the edge and she had exploded. She was afraid of her reaction, she really didn't know her in this situation and neither knew what she would do. Helena always had been in a warm place and the success in the last months had been a strong shock to her.
She looked her watch. It was late, almost eleven. She looked at Alfred and picked up the phone. "I'll call the police."
"Miss Barbara trust her. She'll come back."
"I was so hard on her."
"Nothing is easy."
"I know but maybe it was too much, too soon." Barbara said.
"She needs to face her fears, and as you said, she will never do it is she keeps hiding," Alfred pointed out. "She is smart, she will understand.
The elevator door opened, Barbara waited, hopefully. Helena entered but something was wrong. Barbara took off her glasses. Alfred smelled something strange.
"Helena, are you okay?"
"Yes." she said walking to her room.
"What happened to you?" Barbara followed her; she heard a strange squishing sound every time she took a step.
"Nothing."
"Helena, come here please. I want to apologize." Barbara also got a good whiff of the rotten smell.
Helena stood up and turned her head to see Barbara. The red head looked at her surprised, she opened her mouth. Helena was covered in trash and smelled awful.
"Don't say a word, it was an accident... what do you want?" Helena asked in a bad mood.
"What happened to you?"
Helena put her hands in her pockets and turned to see her "I couldn't jump as far as I imagined and I fell into a trash container."
Barbara couldn't hold in her laugh and covered her mouth. "I'm sorry," she said.
Helena rolled her eyes and saw Alfred laughing too. "What is so funny?" she asked feeling pissed, she had a bad night and now she needed to listen to the jokes from the two of them.
Barbara and Alfred couldn't answer they were laughing hysterically. Helena glared at them.
"Sorry." Barbara mumbled holding her stomach "I want. I want to apologize to you because today I was so hard on you but. sorry"
"Forget it," Helena sighed, she couldn't avoid smiling and covered her face with a hand, then started to laugh with them. "I feel so stupid."
"No, this is extremely funny, sorry Hel. Go to take a bath and come to dinner."
"And please don't touch anything." Alfred pointed.
The bad day finished with a nice, relaxing dinner for all of them. Helena accepted that she needed to face her fears and that Barbara was trying to help her.