A/N: ah, forgive me for not updating anything in a long while. I am most
miffed at myself as well, I can assure you. Here, finally, is chapter 8 of
Numb. And it's long as well! Maybe that can make up for the delay..
The song is " My Immortal " by Evanescence. The lyrics and memories/flashbacks are indicated with 2 slashes: //
Read, review, and enjoy! ^_~
-::-
Chapter VII
Legolas breathed in the cool sea breeze as he closed his eyes. Both his slender hands rested on the banister as he stood overlooking the perpetual ocean. He had almost reached the Havens, yet it was now that he finally thought of what he had done. He had fled Minas Tirith in such haste as never before, tears streaming from his eyes and the shards of his broken heart embedded in his flesh. No one could see him bleed, yet as the ship that bore him inched further across the sea, the pain gradually diminished. It would be gone once he set foot in Valinor, without a trace. Yet was it worth the sacrifice? He had been so torn for so long about what to do, lingering at the crossroads day after day and stalling that choice for as long as possible. But eventually, he had to choose a path, as do all those who lead a life. Having been in too much pain and faced with succumbing to the shadow, he had chosen to leave. Yet he would forever wonder what the path he did not choose would have led him to, as everyone does after coming to a decision.
// I'm so tired of being here //
Legolas sighed regretfully. He knew to an extent what he had rejected. Years and years with the mortals he loved. He would never see the children borne unto Eowyn and Faramir, nor look upon Sam's little ones either. He would never see any of the merry Hobbits again, who were so dear to him. He would never set foot in the delightful realm of the Shire, nor in fair Rivendell, or in the dwindling kingdom of Lothlorien. He would never see his home again. Wistfully, he dwelled upon the thought of Mirkwood. No, he corrected himself, it is Eryn Lasgalen now, not Mirkwood. He had never given his father a proper good-bye.
The thought of his father brought him to another point. The royal family of Gondor. Thranduil, king of Eryn Lasgalen, had the gift of foresight like other powerful Elves. Before Legolas had left for Rivendell all those long years ago to attend the Council of Elrond, his father had told him of what he had seen.
~*~
// " My son, you will depart from me this night and not return for a long while," the king had said heavily.
" Nay, father, I will not leave you," Legolas had replied reassuringly, nearing his father.
" I have foreseen it, " Thranduil had countered as he had begun to pace. " A shadow hovers over the world, Legolas. In the coming days, the fate of Middle Earth shall be decided." He had turned back to gaze at his only child with piercing green eyes as bright as the prince's. " You, my son, shall play a part in this."
" In what, Father? " Legolas had questioned, almost innocently.
" The war between Middle Earth and Mordor," Thranduil had uttered darkly. The prince had stared at his father with wide eyes, but an otherwise stoical face.
" Many will need you before this is over, ion nin. Especially Estel," Thranduil had told him quietly. " His fate will be decided in all of this too. I have foreseen what is to come, as has Lord Elrond and the Lady Galadriel. " Legolas had waited silently, but with urging eyes. " Aragorn will come to the throne of Gondor and claim his throne," Thranduil had said solemnly. Legolas had released a sigh and resisted a smile. His father's disposition had mellowed. " He shall wed Undomiel and bear a son," he revealed with a most lenient voice. Legolas' eyes glimmered. He was overjoyed to learn of this. Arwen was almost as dear to him as Estel was, and he knew better than anyone that the Valar had destined them to be together. And to hear that they would bear a child was almost too much felicity for the archer. He felt as if he was to have a child as well, and already he loved that child more than anything.
" I saw you holding the baby, with Estel at your side," Thranduil remarked softly, with a smile. Legolas had forgotten his father could read him like a book. Legolas smiled warmly and a pink tinge rose in his cheeks.
" But Legolas," Thranduil began. " The road to that bliss will not be an easy one. We can foresee things, yet they do not always come true if evil is allowed to interfere or people choose a different a path. Before Aragorn can do this, he must face shadow and fight for all that he desires. Love and fate shall be tested, Legolas. I trust you will do all in your power to prevent destiny from being altered."
Legolas nodded fervently. If he had to die to ensure that Aragorn claimed kingship and married Arwen, so be it. He would not allow any other outcome whilst he still had strength left. He held his folded hands to his chest as he thought with a glazed stare. He vividly remembered the feeling of holding the infant Estel to his chest, the warm love that filled him. He could hardly maintain his Elven patience to finally hold his best friend's baby. Yet at the same time he took his father's words into deep consideration. He would have to protect Estel and bring him back to Arwen. //
~*~
Yes, he recalled that night well. Soon afterwards, with a soft farewell, Legolas had mounted his gray palfrey, clad in his silken, silver cloak, and had ridden off with a wistful look over his shoulder at Thranduil. A few, short days later, he had arrived in Imladris. Before he had realized it, he had joined the Fellowship and had set off with the other eight on a most daunting quest. Of course, the war had won and the Ring destroyed. Somehow, he had gotten here. But somewhere in between, not 5 years ago, his father's vision had come true. A bittersweet smile crossed his face faintly as he remembered the day.
~*~
// The castle in Minas Tirith was all a flutter that day, and the kingdom rejoiced as it had not since Elessar had been crowned. After a long, anxious night of no sleep, murmured prayers, Arwen's shrill cries from behind closed doors, and pacing, the first child of the queen and king had arrived. Elessar had been the only one allowed to stay with the beautiful queen during her labor in the candlelit room. Meanwhile, her twin brothers and Legolas had waited in the corridor for what seemed like brutally slow hours. The mid-wife had been a plump, stout, very disagreeable woman indeed. Much to the disappointment of everyone, Faramir, Eowyn, and Eomer had not been able to come in time for the birth. Yet they later arrived for the celebration ceremony, along with Gandalf, the Hobbits, and Gimli.The Lady Galadriel had come by surprise to give her blessing to the child just before she sailed for Valinor herself. Legolas had hardly seen the radiant she-Elf in such a state of reserved felicity, expressed only by her dazzling smile.
During that night, however, Legolas had been a nervous wreck, to say the least. Aragorn had the easy job, comforting his wife behind the door. Waiting was torment. He sat across the hall, staring at the door as if his eyes could bore through the wood. He made no sound, barely breathed. His heart jumped every time he heard Arwen cry out. For a long time, it was silent. Then, finally, the unmistakable sound of a baby's cry was heard. Elladan and Elrohir both started with identical pairs of bright, gray eyes. Legolas' head had snapped up. More time passed, and the crying stopped. Was something wrong? Damn it all! Why wouldn't the door open? He waited. The twins were equally still beside him. Another age seemed to pass by.
Suddenly, the door had opened to reveal the huffy mid-wife filling the doorway. She had a contemptible expression on her flushed face. But she did eventually clear away. Immediately, the twins bolted forward into the room with quick, silent footsteps. The two of them cooed over the swaddle of cloth in Arwen's arms. The queen had never looked for beautiful with untidy hair, a face shining with sweat in the candlelight. She beamed at her new born with a newfound love that surpassed any feeling she had ever felt before. Elladan and Elrohir were crowded beside her, joyous in the least respect. Aragorn gave them space and stood off to one side, grinning proudly with the remnants of tears clinging to his face. Yet Legolas had not moved from his spot on the bench in the hall. He stared at the scene across from him through the doorway, like painting that moved. Aragorn looked up at his best friend, his beloved Greenleaf, with gleaming eyes and a smile. The Elf prince did not return it. He was frozen. Elessar leaned over, interrupting his wife's and brothers' fussing, and took the bundle into his own strong arms. The three children of Elrond followed the man with their eyes, their joy naked on their faces. Aragorn strode outside the room, shielding the precious bundle from all cold with his arms, and sat beside Legolas on the bench.
" This is my son," he murmured to the blonde. " Eldarion." The name was spoken like the most precious word in all the languages of the universe. Legolas gave Aragorn a look at the mention of the name and felt touched. Eldarion. Son of the Eldar, in Sindarin.
Elessar carefully placed the bundle in Legolas' arms, and the archer received it with the greatest of caution. Once settled, his brilliant blue eyes fell upon the angelic face of the sleeping baby and something in Legolas moved. His eyes were glassy and big, his tender lips parted as he released a breath. He was in awe. In all the millennia he had lived through, Legolas had never seen anything so beautiful. Memories of the infant Estel flooded back to him as his heart burst with a new love. He did not feel the swift tear that fell down his face. The babe slept soundly in his arms, not aware of any of it. And Legolas was also unaware of everything except the child he cradled, including the fact that Arwen was gazing at him with tears streaming down her face and blissful smile. Legolas tentatively moved his slender hand to the baby's head and ran his forefinger gently over the soft cheek. Aragorn only smiled more broadly than ever before and slipped his arm around Legolas, holding the Elf to his chest as the two of them looked down into the little face of Gondor's new prince. //
~*~
Legolas wiped away his tears quickly and pulled himself together. Yes, his deepest desire had come true. He had fulfilled his mission, had done what he had come to do. Now it was over. As much as he loved Arwen that night for bearing such a child, he would not be there for her comfort when she met her bitter end. As much as he had loved Eldarion, he would not see his godson grow up into the man he knew the little boy would one day be. As much as he loved Elessar, Aragorn, his Estel with all of his heart and soul, he would not see the king to the end of his mortal days. That was the choice he had made. He had chosen to bear that love away to Valinor, where it would remain forever green.
// Suppressed by all my childish fears //
The soft lull of the waves washing up on the shore was soothing. Another ship pulled into the harbor, the white sails lost in the mists. One could get lost in those mists that hid the sacred haven of Valinor. Only the Elf appointed could raise the fog for the coming ships. The Grey Havens was lost to the race of men and all others. Legolas stood at the head of the ship, watching Valinor come into view. He had drawn up his silver hood from he cloak he wore and looked very solitary and enigmatic. The gulls cried out overhead, the only other noise besides the calm lapping of the sea. Soon enough, Legolas stood at the head of a small row boat as he was brought to shore, looking as a phantom standing so tall and still. The moment he set foot on the sand, his every sorrow and pain would be cast out onto the waters. Unexpectedly, the Lady Galadriel in her undiminished glory stood awaiting him on shore, in her garments of white. Her piercing blue eyes flashed knowingly at him, though he did not see it. The boat slid up onto the sand and Legolas stood face to face with the Lady of Light for a moment, still in the boat.
" Milady," he uttered without bowing.
" Legolas Thranduilion," she said.
" I have finally joined our kindred," he said flatly.
She gave him a faint smile but did not comment just yet. First, she looked him up and down with eyes that saw through the surface. He was the prince of Eryn Lasgalen, the kingdom's only heir. He was the finest archer in the history of Middle Earth, a marvelous warrior, and an excellent rider. He was a child of the First Born, beautiful and sad, wise and timeless. He stood before there, tall and solemn, clad in his gleaming silver cloak with the hood drawn up to hide his silken hair of gold along with the all the rest of him but his face. His blue eyes seemed gray now, with gray surrounding them. His grace had not diminished in any respect since she had last seen him. Indeed, he remained one of the fairest beings in all the world. Yet there was something there in the prince that was new. Heavy despair, she realized.
// What haunts you, Legolas Greenleaf?//, she thought in the echoes of her mind.
Legolas drew in a quiet breath and paused for a moment in contemplation. Then, he hesitantly stepped forward, setting foot finally on the shores of Valinor, with his light Elven foot making the faintest imprint in the wet sand. And suddenly, all of his troubles and sorrows were washed away as if the tide had come up upon his heart. He breathed anew with a relief he had not possessed for the longest of time. His other foot joined the first and he stood, for the first time in what seemed an age, a free soul. His hood fell away from him and his cascade of golden - silver hair rippled down his back and the wind caressed each water-soft tress eagerly.
" Welcome to Valinor, Legolas Thranduilion," Galadriel spoke as she looked to the wood behind her.
~*~
There had been no court meetings that day in Minas Tirith. The noble lords had been shooed away, all issues of the country and people were put on hold. No one would be dealt with. Nothing would be helped. The king was in no fit state to live. He would not be comforted. Eldarion did not understand and was not told anything. Arwen was the pillar of strength through it all, for her husband and her child, putting aside her own grief. Elessar was falling apart. Nothing could ease his pain or cheer his despair. The whole of Minas Tirith seemed to be dimmed by its king's mood. Elessar would not speak, would not eat, would not sleep. Food was pointless. Sleep was only a session of torment in nightmares and haunting dreams. Words were empty. He felt too heavy to move.
Tears had sufficed for the first three days. Now, there were none left to be wept. He had slept alone those nights, leaving his lovely Arwen in equal, yet quiet tears in their room. He had taken up one of the many empty ones for himself, where no one could hear his stifled sobs and pitiful moans. The first morning had been his all time low. Well after the dawn, he had still remained in bed with the curtains closed to maintain darkness. A few tears were still left on his face as he lay there.
" My lord, it is morning. You must get out of bed." The queen had come unto him then, standing at the foot of the bed, waiting patiently.
" There's no point, Arwen. Leave me in peace." He had said this emptily. She had obeyed.
Now, the king Elessar sat upon his magnificent throne in his empty hall, staring blankly ahead of him. It was gray all about him, with the drapes of the windows only opened slightly. The light in his gray eyes was dead. He was dead. There was nothing more to live for.
// Pull yourself together, you pathetic excuse for a man. This was his conscience. You are a king and you have a wife and son. You can't sit here idly and depressed any longer just because an Elf has sailed away. You're a disgrace. //
// Not just an Elf, he thought back at it. He was Legolas. He was my best friend. He was my soul - mate friend. He was my brother. He was my light. He was my joy. //
// What about your Arwen? She is your beloved, your wife. She should be your light and your joy. She and Eldarion, your son. They're your family, for Valar's sake. //
// Legolas is my family as well. Or he was, // Aragorn thought miserably. He wanted to cry. He wanted to weep so badly. Yet he could not.
Legolas. His name was a blessed word even in thought. His face filled the king's mind, little more than a shadow. He dwelled upon the face of Eryn Lasgalen's prince, his face wrought in sorrow, in joy, in fear, in rage, in love, in peace. With tears, with smiles, with laughter, with pain. Every way, Legolas was beautiful. He had been so beautiful and free. He had made a mockery of the sun with his light, of the moon with his grace. He had been Aragorn's everything for so long. Legolas and Arwen - life was pointless without them.
// And if you have to leave //
He could hear the archer's voice. Oh, Eru, his voice. His whispers, his murmurs, his poetry, his song. Oh, Valar, stop. Make it stop.
// " I love you, Estel." //
Wounded and bleeding, his soul writhed in torment. The pieces of his heart were being smashed further.
//" I bind myself to you."//
He was so empty, so numb. He was no longer whole. Emptiness consumed him and revealed itself in his hollow eyes.
// " Mellonin."// ( my friend )
A whisper, soft and soothing.
// " Gwador.."// ( brother )
A slender hand caressing his raven hair, clutching his shoulder, pressing his hand to a beating heart.
// I wish that you would just leave //
// " Estel." //
Lithe arms around him, encircling him. An embrace of surreal love.
// Because your presence still lingers here //
Aragorn hung his head in his hands as his rigid form shuddered. He couldn't feel the tears any longer. Weeping was futile. It would not bring back the prince. It would not relieve him of this agony. So perhaps he had to do it himself.
Elessar staggered out of his throne and fell to his knees, shaking with silent sobs.
" Damn you, Valinor," he shouted as he threw his empty goblet at the wall. Getting as drunk has possible had not eased his suffering either. He drew his sword Anduril from its sheath at his hip and prepared to end his misery.
// And it won't leave me alone //
" For you, Legolas," he whispered with tears falling onto the cold steel of the blade.
" No, " came a shrill outcry. Arwen rushed to her husband's side and kicked the weapon away from the hopeless king. Her dark blue eyes with fear and disbelief. She knelt before her husband.
" Damn," he cried in frustration. " Give me back my bloody sword," he ordered, doubled over and still in tears. Arwen began to weep.
" How could you? " she questioned incredulously.
" I will not be forced to endure this," Aragorn yelled at the ground, his head still hung.
" What about me? What about your son? How could you decide to leave us all? Is this what you think is the solution? Suicide? You are a disgrace," she screeched in a fluster as she stood and towered over her husband. Her chest was heaving and her fair face was streaked with furious tears.
" All I want is Legolas," he whimpered almost inaudibly. " That's all I want. Why is that so much to ask? Why won't they give him back? " He was sobbing and rocking back and forth on his knees. Arwen released a breath, pained at the sight of her beloved in such a state. She kneeled slowly and took Aragorn in her arms. He held on to his wife tightly, weeping into her shoulder.
" All I want is Legolas," he murmured. " That's all." She was rocking him and crying soundlessly. " That's all I want."
The two remained slumped over each other on the cold floor, in the gray light that crept through the empty chamber.
~*~
Legolas sat beside a quiet pond, his blue eyes reflecting the rippled water. Valinor was more beautiful than he had dreamed, with an unearthly peace to it. It had indeed relieved him of his burdens, yet somehow, he was not as satisfied as he should be. He thought of Estel and regretted leaving his best friend, for he knew the pain it would cause the king.
He missed him. Already, he missed Aragorn. He longed for the man's embrace, for his gentle voice, for his passive gray eyes. He remembered. He recalled everything, from the time he had met the infant Estel to the last time he had seen him only a few days ago. He shouldn't be feeling this. Valinor was supposed to free him of it all.
// These wounds won't seem to heal //
Legolas sighed restlessly. He was sorry for causing Aragorn pain, sorry for leaving Arwen and Eldarion, for not saying good-bye to the twins or Gimli, for giving in to shadow. He missed them, yet he knew their fate. Their doom. His heart was in despair.
// This pain is just too real //
He could see Aragorn in his mind. Eldarion and the fair Arwen, Elladan and Elrohir, Eomer, Faramir, Eowyn, Gimli, the Hobbits, his father. They all haunted him. Memories both good and bad. Every smile, every tear, battles and weddings and journeys. How could he lay it all to rest? He wanted to, yet he didn't. How could he forget?
// There's just too much that time cannot erase //
" I still love you, Estel." It was a whisper in the swaying leaves of the willow that cradled the blonde archer. " You're still my brother." He fingered his pendant that hung around his neck, the symbol of his immortality. He loathed it for coming between himself and his loved ones. There had been a time when he had nearly given it up. Just before Estel departed from Imladris to join his kinsmen the Dunedain, he had offered his immortality to the young mortal for the sake of their brotherhood. Estel had refused it, saying no being was worthy of the Greenleaf including himself. Legolas could have been mortal, could have shared in the same fate as all those whom he loved, could have been fated for Mandos they all would go. Yet here he was, in Valinor, the haven of his people.
The voices of his kindred filled the evening air, a surreal beauty of a sound. In their native tongue, they sang. Tonight, it was in Sindarin. Other times, Quenya would be sung. It soothed him and filled his soul. He loved this land and his people, the Elves. Yet he could not be whole without his mortal brother.
He saw in the midst of his mind, Estel was weeping in pain at his loss. Oh, how he wished he could run to him and tell his best friend not to cry. But that was not possible any longer. He had abandoned Aragorn. He had done the most tragic and terrible of things.
// When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears //
" Legolas."
The Lady Galadriel drifted mythically into view, the same glow about her that she had carried in Lothlorien. Her gown of silver-white glimmered and her long ripples of pale, golden hair floated around her. She approached the equally beautiful archer as Legolas turned his head to peer at her over his slim shoulder.
" Milady," he said with a nod of acknowledgment.
" You have not found peace here? " she queried as she sat upon a flat rock opposite of him.
Legolas knew he could not lie to her. He shook his head weakly. " Nay, not yet."
" Do you believe you ever will? " she asked.
" I know not," he replied truthfully.
She paused and looked at him with a mysterious smile on her face.
" Estel mourns for you," she murmured quietly.
Legolas nodded slightly. " I know."
" Was it worth it to come here? " she questioned calmly.
He looked up at her, meeting those enigmatic, wise, blue eyes with his own. He questioned himself wordlessly.
" I know not," he said again.
She stared at him for a prolonged moment. " Estel needs you."
" I can be of no help to him if despair consumes me," he said.
// When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears //
" You despair because those you love will meet a different end then you. Yes, mortals will die. They cease to live in this life, but go on to the next in the Halls of Mandos. You are an Elf, immortal. Your place is here in Valinor as far as anyone knows. "
Galadriel stood and advanced upon the prince. She stood before him and leaned a bit over, looking down into his eyes.
" Just because you will be parted in the end does not mean it is wise to throw away what time is given to you with them."
She straightened and gave him a sympathetic look.
" Now is not your time, Legolas Thranduilion. There are tasks yet to be done in the world that bore us."
Legolas' eyes glimmered and he barely nodded. She gave him a faint smile before turning away and soundlessly leaving. The prince contemplated her words. Now was not his time? What did that mean? What would he do?
His thoughts turned back to Estel. The king Elessar still had so much time left to him before he came unto his mortal end. Those few years seemed like only a moment to an Elf. But it was time, nonetheless. It would be time with Elessar, Arwen, Eowyn, Eomer, Faramir, Eldarion, Gimli, and the Hobbits. There were still so many things left to him with his mortal loved ones. How could he have led Aragorn to mourn?
// And I've held your hand through all of these years //
Legolas stood and looked down into the pool at his reflection. His silvery-blonde, silken tresses fell over his shoulders, water-soft. His brilliant, azure eyes were filled with something nameless. It would cause him pain and sorrow, yet he could not give up what years Eru had given to each of those he loved. He could fade, but he would not cause grief to Estel. Not anymore.
// But you still have all of me //
The song is " My Immortal " by Evanescence. The lyrics and memories/flashbacks are indicated with 2 slashes: //
Read, review, and enjoy! ^_~
-::-
Chapter VII
Legolas breathed in the cool sea breeze as he closed his eyes. Both his slender hands rested on the banister as he stood overlooking the perpetual ocean. He had almost reached the Havens, yet it was now that he finally thought of what he had done. He had fled Minas Tirith in such haste as never before, tears streaming from his eyes and the shards of his broken heart embedded in his flesh. No one could see him bleed, yet as the ship that bore him inched further across the sea, the pain gradually diminished. It would be gone once he set foot in Valinor, without a trace. Yet was it worth the sacrifice? He had been so torn for so long about what to do, lingering at the crossroads day after day and stalling that choice for as long as possible. But eventually, he had to choose a path, as do all those who lead a life. Having been in too much pain and faced with succumbing to the shadow, he had chosen to leave. Yet he would forever wonder what the path he did not choose would have led him to, as everyone does after coming to a decision.
// I'm so tired of being here //
Legolas sighed regretfully. He knew to an extent what he had rejected. Years and years with the mortals he loved. He would never see the children borne unto Eowyn and Faramir, nor look upon Sam's little ones either. He would never see any of the merry Hobbits again, who were so dear to him. He would never set foot in the delightful realm of the Shire, nor in fair Rivendell, or in the dwindling kingdom of Lothlorien. He would never see his home again. Wistfully, he dwelled upon the thought of Mirkwood. No, he corrected himself, it is Eryn Lasgalen now, not Mirkwood. He had never given his father a proper good-bye.
The thought of his father brought him to another point. The royal family of Gondor. Thranduil, king of Eryn Lasgalen, had the gift of foresight like other powerful Elves. Before Legolas had left for Rivendell all those long years ago to attend the Council of Elrond, his father had told him of what he had seen.
~*~
// " My son, you will depart from me this night and not return for a long while," the king had said heavily.
" Nay, father, I will not leave you," Legolas had replied reassuringly, nearing his father.
" I have foreseen it, " Thranduil had countered as he had begun to pace. " A shadow hovers over the world, Legolas. In the coming days, the fate of Middle Earth shall be decided." He had turned back to gaze at his only child with piercing green eyes as bright as the prince's. " You, my son, shall play a part in this."
" In what, Father? " Legolas had questioned, almost innocently.
" The war between Middle Earth and Mordor," Thranduil had uttered darkly. The prince had stared at his father with wide eyes, but an otherwise stoical face.
" Many will need you before this is over, ion nin. Especially Estel," Thranduil had told him quietly. " His fate will be decided in all of this too. I have foreseen what is to come, as has Lord Elrond and the Lady Galadriel. " Legolas had waited silently, but with urging eyes. " Aragorn will come to the throne of Gondor and claim his throne," Thranduil had said solemnly. Legolas had released a sigh and resisted a smile. His father's disposition had mellowed. " He shall wed Undomiel and bear a son," he revealed with a most lenient voice. Legolas' eyes glimmered. He was overjoyed to learn of this. Arwen was almost as dear to him as Estel was, and he knew better than anyone that the Valar had destined them to be together. And to hear that they would bear a child was almost too much felicity for the archer. He felt as if he was to have a child as well, and already he loved that child more than anything.
" I saw you holding the baby, with Estel at your side," Thranduil remarked softly, with a smile. Legolas had forgotten his father could read him like a book. Legolas smiled warmly and a pink tinge rose in his cheeks.
" But Legolas," Thranduil began. " The road to that bliss will not be an easy one. We can foresee things, yet they do not always come true if evil is allowed to interfere or people choose a different a path. Before Aragorn can do this, he must face shadow and fight for all that he desires. Love and fate shall be tested, Legolas. I trust you will do all in your power to prevent destiny from being altered."
Legolas nodded fervently. If he had to die to ensure that Aragorn claimed kingship and married Arwen, so be it. He would not allow any other outcome whilst he still had strength left. He held his folded hands to his chest as he thought with a glazed stare. He vividly remembered the feeling of holding the infant Estel to his chest, the warm love that filled him. He could hardly maintain his Elven patience to finally hold his best friend's baby. Yet at the same time he took his father's words into deep consideration. He would have to protect Estel and bring him back to Arwen. //
~*~
Yes, he recalled that night well. Soon afterwards, with a soft farewell, Legolas had mounted his gray palfrey, clad in his silken, silver cloak, and had ridden off with a wistful look over his shoulder at Thranduil. A few, short days later, he had arrived in Imladris. Before he had realized it, he had joined the Fellowship and had set off with the other eight on a most daunting quest. Of course, the war had won and the Ring destroyed. Somehow, he had gotten here. But somewhere in between, not 5 years ago, his father's vision had come true. A bittersweet smile crossed his face faintly as he remembered the day.
~*~
// The castle in Minas Tirith was all a flutter that day, and the kingdom rejoiced as it had not since Elessar had been crowned. After a long, anxious night of no sleep, murmured prayers, Arwen's shrill cries from behind closed doors, and pacing, the first child of the queen and king had arrived. Elessar had been the only one allowed to stay with the beautiful queen during her labor in the candlelit room. Meanwhile, her twin brothers and Legolas had waited in the corridor for what seemed like brutally slow hours. The mid-wife had been a plump, stout, very disagreeable woman indeed. Much to the disappointment of everyone, Faramir, Eowyn, and Eomer had not been able to come in time for the birth. Yet they later arrived for the celebration ceremony, along with Gandalf, the Hobbits, and Gimli.The Lady Galadriel had come by surprise to give her blessing to the child just before she sailed for Valinor herself. Legolas had hardly seen the radiant she-Elf in such a state of reserved felicity, expressed only by her dazzling smile.
During that night, however, Legolas had been a nervous wreck, to say the least. Aragorn had the easy job, comforting his wife behind the door. Waiting was torment. He sat across the hall, staring at the door as if his eyes could bore through the wood. He made no sound, barely breathed. His heart jumped every time he heard Arwen cry out. For a long time, it was silent. Then, finally, the unmistakable sound of a baby's cry was heard. Elladan and Elrohir both started with identical pairs of bright, gray eyes. Legolas' head had snapped up. More time passed, and the crying stopped. Was something wrong? Damn it all! Why wouldn't the door open? He waited. The twins were equally still beside him. Another age seemed to pass by.
Suddenly, the door had opened to reveal the huffy mid-wife filling the doorway. She had a contemptible expression on her flushed face. But she did eventually clear away. Immediately, the twins bolted forward into the room with quick, silent footsteps. The two of them cooed over the swaddle of cloth in Arwen's arms. The queen had never looked for beautiful with untidy hair, a face shining with sweat in the candlelight. She beamed at her new born with a newfound love that surpassed any feeling she had ever felt before. Elladan and Elrohir were crowded beside her, joyous in the least respect. Aragorn gave them space and stood off to one side, grinning proudly with the remnants of tears clinging to his face. Yet Legolas had not moved from his spot on the bench in the hall. He stared at the scene across from him through the doorway, like painting that moved. Aragorn looked up at his best friend, his beloved Greenleaf, with gleaming eyes and a smile. The Elf prince did not return it. He was frozen. Elessar leaned over, interrupting his wife's and brothers' fussing, and took the bundle into his own strong arms. The three children of Elrond followed the man with their eyes, their joy naked on their faces. Aragorn strode outside the room, shielding the precious bundle from all cold with his arms, and sat beside Legolas on the bench.
" This is my son," he murmured to the blonde. " Eldarion." The name was spoken like the most precious word in all the languages of the universe. Legolas gave Aragorn a look at the mention of the name and felt touched. Eldarion. Son of the Eldar, in Sindarin.
Elessar carefully placed the bundle in Legolas' arms, and the archer received it with the greatest of caution. Once settled, his brilliant blue eyes fell upon the angelic face of the sleeping baby and something in Legolas moved. His eyes were glassy and big, his tender lips parted as he released a breath. He was in awe. In all the millennia he had lived through, Legolas had never seen anything so beautiful. Memories of the infant Estel flooded back to him as his heart burst with a new love. He did not feel the swift tear that fell down his face. The babe slept soundly in his arms, not aware of any of it. And Legolas was also unaware of everything except the child he cradled, including the fact that Arwen was gazing at him with tears streaming down her face and blissful smile. Legolas tentatively moved his slender hand to the baby's head and ran his forefinger gently over the soft cheek. Aragorn only smiled more broadly than ever before and slipped his arm around Legolas, holding the Elf to his chest as the two of them looked down into the little face of Gondor's new prince. //
~*~
Legolas wiped away his tears quickly and pulled himself together. Yes, his deepest desire had come true. He had fulfilled his mission, had done what he had come to do. Now it was over. As much as he loved Arwen that night for bearing such a child, he would not be there for her comfort when she met her bitter end. As much as he had loved Eldarion, he would not see his godson grow up into the man he knew the little boy would one day be. As much as he loved Elessar, Aragorn, his Estel with all of his heart and soul, he would not see the king to the end of his mortal days. That was the choice he had made. He had chosen to bear that love away to Valinor, where it would remain forever green.
// Suppressed by all my childish fears //
The soft lull of the waves washing up on the shore was soothing. Another ship pulled into the harbor, the white sails lost in the mists. One could get lost in those mists that hid the sacred haven of Valinor. Only the Elf appointed could raise the fog for the coming ships. The Grey Havens was lost to the race of men and all others. Legolas stood at the head of the ship, watching Valinor come into view. He had drawn up his silver hood from he cloak he wore and looked very solitary and enigmatic. The gulls cried out overhead, the only other noise besides the calm lapping of the sea. Soon enough, Legolas stood at the head of a small row boat as he was brought to shore, looking as a phantom standing so tall and still. The moment he set foot on the sand, his every sorrow and pain would be cast out onto the waters. Unexpectedly, the Lady Galadriel in her undiminished glory stood awaiting him on shore, in her garments of white. Her piercing blue eyes flashed knowingly at him, though he did not see it. The boat slid up onto the sand and Legolas stood face to face with the Lady of Light for a moment, still in the boat.
" Milady," he uttered without bowing.
" Legolas Thranduilion," she said.
" I have finally joined our kindred," he said flatly.
She gave him a faint smile but did not comment just yet. First, she looked him up and down with eyes that saw through the surface. He was the prince of Eryn Lasgalen, the kingdom's only heir. He was the finest archer in the history of Middle Earth, a marvelous warrior, and an excellent rider. He was a child of the First Born, beautiful and sad, wise and timeless. He stood before there, tall and solemn, clad in his gleaming silver cloak with the hood drawn up to hide his silken hair of gold along with the all the rest of him but his face. His blue eyes seemed gray now, with gray surrounding them. His grace had not diminished in any respect since she had last seen him. Indeed, he remained one of the fairest beings in all the world. Yet there was something there in the prince that was new. Heavy despair, she realized.
// What haunts you, Legolas Greenleaf?//, she thought in the echoes of her mind.
Legolas drew in a quiet breath and paused for a moment in contemplation. Then, he hesitantly stepped forward, setting foot finally on the shores of Valinor, with his light Elven foot making the faintest imprint in the wet sand. And suddenly, all of his troubles and sorrows were washed away as if the tide had come up upon his heart. He breathed anew with a relief he had not possessed for the longest of time. His other foot joined the first and he stood, for the first time in what seemed an age, a free soul. His hood fell away from him and his cascade of golden - silver hair rippled down his back and the wind caressed each water-soft tress eagerly.
" Welcome to Valinor, Legolas Thranduilion," Galadriel spoke as she looked to the wood behind her.
~*~
There had been no court meetings that day in Minas Tirith. The noble lords had been shooed away, all issues of the country and people were put on hold. No one would be dealt with. Nothing would be helped. The king was in no fit state to live. He would not be comforted. Eldarion did not understand and was not told anything. Arwen was the pillar of strength through it all, for her husband and her child, putting aside her own grief. Elessar was falling apart. Nothing could ease his pain or cheer his despair. The whole of Minas Tirith seemed to be dimmed by its king's mood. Elessar would not speak, would not eat, would not sleep. Food was pointless. Sleep was only a session of torment in nightmares and haunting dreams. Words were empty. He felt too heavy to move.
Tears had sufficed for the first three days. Now, there were none left to be wept. He had slept alone those nights, leaving his lovely Arwen in equal, yet quiet tears in their room. He had taken up one of the many empty ones for himself, where no one could hear his stifled sobs and pitiful moans. The first morning had been his all time low. Well after the dawn, he had still remained in bed with the curtains closed to maintain darkness. A few tears were still left on his face as he lay there.
" My lord, it is morning. You must get out of bed." The queen had come unto him then, standing at the foot of the bed, waiting patiently.
" There's no point, Arwen. Leave me in peace." He had said this emptily. She had obeyed.
Now, the king Elessar sat upon his magnificent throne in his empty hall, staring blankly ahead of him. It was gray all about him, with the drapes of the windows only opened slightly. The light in his gray eyes was dead. He was dead. There was nothing more to live for.
// Pull yourself together, you pathetic excuse for a man. This was his conscience. You are a king and you have a wife and son. You can't sit here idly and depressed any longer just because an Elf has sailed away. You're a disgrace. //
// Not just an Elf, he thought back at it. He was Legolas. He was my best friend. He was my soul - mate friend. He was my brother. He was my light. He was my joy. //
// What about your Arwen? She is your beloved, your wife. She should be your light and your joy. She and Eldarion, your son. They're your family, for Valar's sake. //
// Legolas is my family as well. Or he was, // Aragorn thought miserably. He wanted to cry. He wanted to weep so badly. Yet he could not.
Legolas. His name was a blessed word even in thought. His face filled the king's mind, little more than a shadow. He dwelled upon the face of Eryn Lasgalen's prince, his face wrought in sorrow, in joy, in fear, in rage, in love, in peace. With tears, with smiles, with laughter, with pain. Every way, Legolas was beautiful. He had been so beautiful and free. He had made a mockery of the sun with his light, of the moon with his grace. He had been Aragorn's everything for so long. Legolas and Arwen - life was pointless without them.
// And if you have to leave //
He could hear the archer's voice. Oh, Eru, his voice. His whispers, his murmurs, his poetry, his song. Oh, Valar, stop. Make it stop.
// " I love you, Estel." //
Wounded and bleeding, his soul writhed in torment. The pieces of his heart were being smashed further.
//" I bind myself to you."//
He was so empty, so numb. He was no longer whole. Emptiness consumed him and revealed itself in his hollow eyes.
// " Mellonin."// ( my friend )
A whisper, soft and soothing.
// " Gwador.."// ( brother )
A slender hand caressing his raven hair, clutching his shoulder, pressing his hand to a beating heart.
// I wish that you would just leave //
// " Estel." //
Lithe arms around him, encircling him. An embrace of surreal love.
// Because your presence still lingers here //
Aragorn hung his head in his hands as his rigid form shuddered. He couldn't feel the tears any longer. Weeping was futile. It would not bring back the prince. It would not relieve him of this agony. So perhaps he had to do it himself.
Elessar staggered out of his throne and fell to his knees, shaking with silent sobs.
" Damn you, Valinor," he shouted as he threw his empty goblet at the wall. Getting as drunk has possible had not eased his suffering either. He drew his sword Anduril from its sheath at his hip and prepared to end his misery.
// And it won't leave me alone //
" For you, Legolas," he whispered with tears falling onto the cold steel of the blade.
" No, " came a shrill outcry. Arwen rushed to her husband's side and kicked the weapon away from the hopeless king. Her dark blue eyes with fear and disbelief. She knelt before her husband.
" Damn," he cried in frustration. " Give me back my bloody sword," he ordered, doubled over and still in tears. Arwen began to weep.
" How could you? " she questioned incredulously.
" I will not be forced to endure this," Aragorn yelled at the ground, his head still hung.
" What about me? What about your son? How could you decide to leave us all? Is this what you think is the solution? Suicide? You are a disgrace," she screeched in a fluster as she stood and towered over her husband. Her chest was heaving and her fair face was streaked with furious tears.
" All I want is Legolas," he whimpered almost inaudibly. " That's all I want. Why is that so much to ask? Why won't they give him back? " He was sobbing and rocking back and forth on his knees. Arwen released a breath, pained at the sight of her beloved in such a state. She kneeled slowly and took Aragorn in her arms. He held on to his wife tightly, weeping into her shoulder.
" All I want is Legolas," he murmured. " That's all." She was rocking him and crying soundlessly. " That's all I want."
The two remained slumped over each other on the cold floor, in the gray light that crept through the empty chamber.
~*~
Legolas sat beside a quiet pond, his blue eyes reflecting the rippled water. Valinor was more beautiful than he had dreamed, with an unearthly peace to it. It had indeed relieved him of his burdens, yet somehow, he was not as satisfied as he should be. He thought of Estel and regretted leaving his best friend, for he knew the pain it would cause the king.
He missed him. Already, he missed Aragorn. He longed for the man's embrace, for his gentle voice, for his passive gray eyes. He remembered. He recalled everything, from the time he had met the infant Estel to the last time he had seen him only a few days ago. He shouldn't be feeling this. Valinor was supposed to free him of it all.
// These wounds won't seem to heal //
Legolas sighed restlessly. He was sorry for causing Aragorn pain, sorry for leaving Arwen and Eldarion, for not saying good-bye to the twins or Gimli, for giving in to shadow. He missed them, yet he knew their fate. Their doom. His heart was in despair.
// This pain is just too real //
He could see Aragorn in his mind. Eldarion and the fair Arwen, Elladan and Elrohir, Eomer, Faramir, Eowyn, Gimli, the Hobbits, his father. They all haunted him. Memories both good and bad. Every smile, every tear, battles and weddings and journeys. How could he lay it all to rest? He wanted to, yet he didn't. How could he forget?
// There's just too much that time cannot erase //
" I still love you, Estel." It was a whisper in the swaying leaves of the willow that cradled the blonde archer. " You're still my brother." He fingered his pendant that hung around his neck, the symbol of his immortality. He loathed it for coming between himself and his loved ones. There had been a time when he had nearly given it up. Just before Estel departed from Imladris to join his kinsmen the Dunedain, he had offered his immortality to the young mortal for the sake of their brotherhood. Estel had refused it, saying no being was worthy of the Greenleaf including himself. Legolas could have been mortal, could have shared in the same fate as all those whom he loved, could have been fated for Mandos they all would go. Yet here he was, in Valinor, the haven of his people.
The voices of his kindred filled the evening air, a surreal beauty of a sound. In their native tongue, they sang. Tonight, it was in Sindarin. Other times, Quenya would be sung. It soothed him and filled his soul. He loved this land and his people, the Elves. Yet he could not be whole without his mortal brother.
He saw in the midst of his mind, Estel was weeping in pain at his loss. Oh, how he wished he could run to him and tell his best friend not to cry. But that was not possible any longer. He had abandoned Aragorn. He had done the most tragic and terrible of things.
// When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears //
" Legolas."
The Lady Galadriel drifted mythically into view, the same glow about her that she had carried in Lothlorien. Her gown of silver-white glimmered and her long ripples of pale, golden hair floated around her. She approached the equally beautiful archer as Legolas turned his head to peer at her over his slim shoulder.
" Milady," he said with a nod of acknowledgment.
" You have not found peace here? " she queried as she sat upon a flat rock opposite of him.
Legolas knew he could not lie to her. He shook his head weakly. " Nay, not yet."
" Do you believe you ever will? " she asked.
" I know not," he replied truthfully.
She paused and looked at him with a mysterious smile on her face.
" Estel mourns for you," she murmured quietly.
Legolas nodded slightly. " I know."
" Was it worth it to come here? " she questioned calmly.
He looked up at her, meeting those enigmatic, wise, blue eyes with his own. He questioned himself wordlessly.
" I know not," he said again.
She stared at him for a prolonged moment. " Estel needs you."
" I can be of no help to him if despair consumes me," he said.
// When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears //
" You despair because those you love will meet a different end then you. Yes, mortals will die. They cease to live in this life, but go on to the next in the Halls of Mandos. You are an Elf, immortal. Your place is here in Valinor as far as anyone knows. "
Galadriel stood and advanced upon the prince. She stood before him and leaned a bit over, looking down into his eyes.
" Just because you will be parted in the end does not mean it is wise to throw away what time is given to you with them."
She straightened and gave him a sympathetic look.
" Now is not your time, Legolas Thranduilion. There are tasks yet to be done in the world that bore us."
Legolas' eyes glimmered and he barely nodded. She gave him a faint smile before turning away and soundlessly leaving. The prince contemplated her words. Now was not his time? What did that mean? What would he do?
His thoughts turned back to Estel. The king Elessar still had so much time left to him before he came unto his mortal end. Those few years seemed like only a moment to an Elf. But it was time, nonetheless. It would be time with Elessar, Arwen, Eowyn, Eomer, Faramir, Eldarion, Gimli, and the Hobbits. There were still so many things left to him with his mortal loved ones. How could he have led Aragorn to mourn?
// And I've held your hand through all of these years //
Legolas stood and looked down into the pool at his reflection. His silvery-blonde, silken tresses fell over his shoulders, water-soft. His brilliant, azure eyes were filled with something nameless. It would cause him pain and sorrow, yet he could not give up what years Eru had given to each of those he loved. He could fade, but he would not cause grief to Estel. Not anymore.
// But you still have all of me //