Chapter 38

The next day we both slept late, waking up and gazing at each other for a long time before finally getting up. Amber went to go get Claudette while I made my way into the kitchen and began to make pancakes. I remembered the first night at her apartment, waking and looking at her slippers. "You like pancakes, right?" she'd asked me. And I had nodded, staring at her slippers and being so amused that I wouldn't say anything to her until she hit me with a potholder. I couldn't help but to laugh as I was pouring the batter into the pan.

Amber came in minutes later, leaning against the counter and drinking coffee. Claudette was playing in the living room, I could see her from the kitchen. Amber looked supremely happy, and barely able to contain her laughter as we stood there. While we ate breakfast we talked about wrestling, about how Mark must've had a terrible hangover and how we hoped Raven wouldn't be too frightened around him. We hoped the Saphrin would be able to control the two of them, and wondered if Mark would even remember the night before. By the time we'd finished, the urge to play in the snow came again, and we put on our jackets and dressed up Claudette the same, rushing outside and beginning to build a snowman. Amber had run inside at one point and gotten a camera, taking pictures of the snowman while it was in progress and taking pictures of Claudette as she giggled and hugged it. We took pictures of each other, too, posing for each other. One of them I took was of her laying down and making a snow angel.

When we'd finished the snowman and got cold and Claudette was getting bored we went back inside, starting to make lunch. We'd been planning on making sandwiches, just like that day when we'd first been at my house. For dinner, we were going to have an adventure in trying to recreate the dinner we'd had at the restaurant on our first date.

After the sandwiches, I started mixing what we needed to make a birthday cake, Amber getting out what she needed to make dinner. Jake wore a birthday hat this whole time and Claudette found it madly funny.

"Oh shit…" Amber said suddenly, showing me something in the cook book which we didn't have as she laughed. "Can you go to the store and pick up what we forgot?" I smiled.

"Yeah sure…but make sure you get the cake done and everything," I kissed her and grabbed my coat and car keys. As I was walking out the door I was clocked by two small figures and looked to see that a small dark haired child and a white duck were smiling up at me. I laughed.

"I'll be back, my duckies," I said to them. It tore my heart that they both looked so melancholy, like they wanted to come with me. "Amber…?" I called back to her from where I stood, my eyes locked on them. "Can I bring the duckies with me?"

"No, they need to help me make cake."

"Ohh…alllllright…" I moaned and knelt, rubbing Jake's head and kissing Claudette on the cheek. Amber appeared at my side. She kissed my cheek and slipped the roll of film we'd taken that morning into my hand.

"Go get this developed, 'kay?" I hugged her, Claudette standing next to us and staring. "Hurry back, this is our day," she was smiling. Her face was lit up, eyes blazed from her pale skin and dark hair. I smiled as well.

"I love you."

"And you."

I kissed Claudette. "I'll be back later," I said to them. I put the film in my pocket and turned to walk out the door.

In the car I was listening to A Perfect Circle, and played Mer de Noms twice through in the time it took me to get to the store. I'm sure everyone knows the way things are in such places…nothing for miles and miles except general stores and little diners, and then there will be those super grocery stores with their high ceilings and bright colors, everything clean and perfect and cherished.

I spent perhaps a half-hour there, then drove to a pharmacy which had the only photo developer that I knew of in a three hour radius. I figured we'd be able to pick the pictures up when we left to go back on the road. So I went and dropped off the film before heading back. The ride home took me about two and a half hours because there was a detour from the snow. I was very angry, having spent a good portion of my afternoon out instead of being at home with Amber and Claudette. And because we'd been forgetful.

All I wanted to do was be home. I wanted to sit down in a candlelit dining room, romantic and elegant and only to us, as Claudette and Jake would be without a doubt completely oblivious as they sat there eating their own food, each in high chairs so that they'd be at the table with us. And then afterward we could all sit on the floor in the living room and just be happy.

I just wanted to hold them. They were all I thought about, in perfect bliss.

As I turned onto our road, the song Breña was beginning. I smiled to myself, loving the flow, the beauty of the song. I swooned, and felt excited that I was going to be home and with them. But then I saw something which made my stomach twist.

The red lights burned my eyes, and blinded me. I sped the car, nearly sliding down the road and parking on the lawn. I was just staring from the police car parked outside to the house. The door was open.

"Guides me safely in worlds I've never been to…heal me, heal me…my dear Breña." The song went on as I stepped out of the car, my hands shaking, and walked up the lawn, probably worried enough to want to run but so upset and frightened that I took my time, that my hands shook and I felt weightless and like I would fall down at any moment.

I didn't turn the car off and heard the song playing as I trudged up the lawn through the snow. I stepped onto the front porch and a figure appeared in the doorway, a police officer, a short woman who looked very pale and disturbed. Her hands were shaking as she reached up and pulled off her hat. I saw the tears rising in her eyes.

"Do you…l-live here?" she asked me. I could tell how upset she was, like she was frightened and very shocked. I pushed past her and walked into the living room, my eyes on the floor, afraid to look.

I saw blood.

Red stains on the white carpet. My heart caught in my throat and I looked up. One of the end tables had been knocked over, a vase broken on the floor, flowers scattered. The lamp laid on its side, throwing light up on the wall. I felt my knees going weak and began to shake violently when I saw the blood that was splattered on the wall. A handprint in it cause me to vomit right there.

I smelled burning cake and walked to the kitchen, first through the dining room. The dining room table was covered in a white lace table cloth. Chairs were knocked over, more handprints on the wall. There was a trail of blood on the floor. In the doorway between the kitchen and the dining room lay the bow gun that Mark had bought for Amber at Christmas that first year, blood smeared on the handle. Stray arrows were strewn across the floor.

I wanted Amber. I wanted her to be standing there with me and I wanted Claudette to be in our arms and I wanted our house to be rid of all this filth.

The kitchen. So white, so perfect and brilliantly bright. I stepped in, my eyes hurting me at the crimson that covered the floor. A steadily growing red pool came from the other side of the island of counters. The sound of beeping, of a phone off the hook. I think I may have had a small heart attack when I walked over and looked to see the source of this.

The cordless phone was on the floor about a foot away from her hand.

The blood came from a purple haired woman clutching her stomach.

"Amber…" I dropped to my knees.