Alright yous…hmph I miss you all. ::sighs:: Here you are…also hahahahah I wrote a Hey Arnold fanfic cause I got bored…I incorporated wrestling into it (of course) haha and I'm going to post it under my Gwenny the Penny name…hahah. I wrote more to Mythica and for some reason I don't feel comfortable posting it. I don't know why, but I trust my instincts so I'm going to hold off on it for a while. Sorry, but the Gwennicane has internal conflicts to settle. ;)

Oh, and to keep you updated on the Gwenamania, I have a new muse. Actually I got a Jeff Hardy muse right before my computer stopped working so not many people know it yet haha. But my new muse, who I acquired like four days ago, is Ex-Lieutenant Billy Coen from the new Resident Evil 0 game. I'm in love with him and he makes me want to write screenplays haha. So with that said, if I write some RE fanfiction or a fanfic in a screenplay form sometime soon…don't be surprised.

Alright I'll stop talking now hahaha. Now go read about Kaney and cry. :P

Chapter 42

I couldn't breathe and I couldn't think. I wasn't receptive to anything, allowing myself to be led around by Mark and by doctors who were worried about my mental and emotional stability. I knew what was going on but ignored it all. Mark spoke for me, he knew what I would've said, perhaps just from being close or perhaps from just reading it from my mind. I couldn't tell and didn't want to know, just didn't care. All I knew was that I'd been robbed of my wife and my daughter and my unborn son. It would've been a boy. Amber had known it the same way that she'd know Claudette would be a girl. Claudette Pearl Callaway…I felt my body shaking as the name played itself in my head.

Tears failed me for the time. They did nothing and I couldn't even produce them. My eyes must've been red and swollen, they felt that way, though I never brought myself to a mirror. I just wore my mask, not caring how ridiculous it seemed and must've looked. I just wore it, and felt it protecting me.

By night I was out of the hospital, absently staring out the window of Mark's car. I didn't know where he was taking me. I didn't care, and I didn't want to know, and I wanted to just go home and be with Amber and Claudette and…would his name have been Armand? Amber had been very fond of that name. Also the name Erick…incredible anger surged through me as I imagined having a son, having two children…retiring, living at the house and not the apartment because of the yard, having a swing set in the back, having Claudette and Armand playing. And Amber and I could've just watched them…or played with them. And perhaps Raven and Saphrin would come over and Evan could join them, along with any others that they may have come across.

I could just see it in my head…the kids all playing outside or in the house or somewhere off by themselves while all the adults sat together and talked about wrestling or something. It almost would make me smile.

But whenever I began to smile I would just think of being in the kitchen, looking down to see Amber laying there, eyes open, empty, the blood slowly growing around her. There had been so much blood…it made me sick to think of someone breaking into the house and bludgeoning her to death…it made me angry and confused and horrified, knowing that I didn't know who did it and that whoever it was…was still out there somewhere. It filled me with hatred.

Mark and I were in the car for a few hours. He was talking to me. I only caught pieces of what he said. I think he only spoke so that I knew he was there, because he was smart enough to know that if it were something important he wouldn't tell me when I couldn't pay attention. The whole while the radio was on, some rock station of sorts, shifting through the times and genres of rock the whole while we drove, from Slayer to Creed, Pantera to Linkin Park. None of it bothered me until into my ears came a familiar drum beat and then guitar tune. My head snapped up and stared at the buttons for the radio in horror. Mark noticed and asked me what was wrong, somewhat frightened himself.

I had  nearly punched it to turn it off before the lyrics had started. Judith by A Perfect Circle…

"What?? What was that?" Mark looked from me to the road and back frantically. Slowly I turned my head up to him, speaking for the first time in nearly ten hours.

"A…A Perfect Circle…" I said softly. My voice sounded completely defeated, as I truly was. Mark's green eyes widened and searched me. I sighed and took a deep breath, calmer than I'd been since this had happened. "I was umm…listening to them…when I came home last night…"

He looked like he'd been struck and about to cry, turning back to the road and focusing on it now. He said nothing, out of respect or shock or something, I didn't know.

"I was listening to Breña…and I saw the red lights…and I was so shocked that I didn't turn the car off and I could hear it playing while I was walking through the house," I felt the tears rising in my eyes, and so exhausted was I that I couldn't cry even then, just have them sit there and sting. "Mark…I never want to listen to that band again."

"Alright Kane," he said softly, still not looking at me. He ran a hand through his hair, his breathing uneven as if he were hesitating saying something. "I'm…so sorry that this had to happen to you, Kane…I mean…" I saw the tears coming from his eyes. He reached up and wiped them away. "I don't know why this shit always happens to us."

Us. I smiled bitterly from beneath the mask. He sniffled and rubbed his face with one of his hands.

"We lost our parents and our childhood and lost each other time and time again and now to lose them…" he took in a shaking breath. "I know that you're weak, and I am too, and I just want you to know that I'm here for you and that you're not the only one hurting. I want to know if you can be there for me, too. We're brothers, Kane. We define each other's lives. We have to help each other out on this."

I nodded slowly. "I'm here for you, Mark," I said. My voice was so quiet I could barely hear it myself. He reached over and rubbed my shoulder.

"This will all get better, I promise. There's nowhere to go but up from here…"

I nodded. "I love you, Mark. I always have. That last thing I need to lose right now is you…"

"And you won't."

The rest of the way to where we were going he was trying to cheer me up, talking about random things that had always been jokes between us and things that had nothing to do with Amber or anything to make me sad. I even laughed at some points. In less than an hour he parked in front of a hotel, getting my bag for me and bringing me up to a suite. I was completely grateful, and thanked him and hugged him before going to take a shower.

The hot water calmed my nerves a little. It made my heart pound but calm, made my body relax a bit. It's that universal feeling, after crying, as you relax, when you can feel in your heart in your throat, and feeling nothing but your heart blundering and pumping every time you breathe. In truth I really was too exhausted to cry anymore, and actually was trying to rationalize with myself some way for me to be happy. It didn't work enough to actually be happy but enough that I was calmer.

Mark had gone out while I'd showered and bought junk food, and rented movies. He'd rented Mallrats, Jerky Boys, and BASEketball, and a movie called Big Money Hu$tlas, which I'd never seen but he told me that Saphrin had asked him to pick it up. She and Raven arrived there a little while later with Evan and Sugarbear, and Jake, and laughed and were kindly and not reminding me or each other of what had happened. And as nice as they were being, and as fun a time they we were trying to give each other, it was empty and morbid that two of our crew were missing, and I don't think I was the only person who saw this.

Dead laughter came from us as the movies played. We all thought they were funny, and tried to be happy, and it wasn't working. And in the long run, had someone come in they'd think we were enjoying ourselves, when really each of us were only pretending, and we all knew it and didn't want to face the truth. It was terrible and morbid and aching. None of us wanted to think about Amber or Claudette, or me, falling with the tragedy into a self-pitying mess.

During the middle of BASEketball, I remembered with shock that no one had told Mike about what had happened. I sat up quickly from the bed and cursed out loud, feeling the tears rise in my eyes as everyone looked at me. I told them and then stepped into the living room of the suite, sitting down at a desk in the corner and staring at the phone for a while. I held my head in my hands, listening to the soft speaking from the other room. I wondered what they were talking about and tried to listen, not being able to pick up any words.

After a while, hands shaking, I finally picked up the phone and dialed his number. It was around ten o'clock at night, and he sounded angry when he answered the phone, like it was too late to be getting a call. I cleared my throat, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Who the hell is calling me this late?" he asked angrily. It was almost funny that he'd answered that way. I almost laughed. Instead I just took a deep breath and tapped the edge of the desk nervously.

"Umm…Mike?"

He laughed softly. "Hey, Kane! How are you guys?? I haven't heard from you in a while. How are you? How's Claudette and that beautiful daughter of mine?" My heart ached.

"I…have some bad news, Mike…" I felt horrible. It broke my heart to have to tell him, and I sympathized. I'd lost my mother and my father and now my wife and children. And now I was telling him that he'd lost his daughter, too…and his wife was gone as well. I closed my eyes, refusing to break down over the phone.

"Is everything alright?" he asked. He sounded concerned but not worried.

"Not…really…you'd better sit down."

"Alright…" he sounded almost cynical. "Kane, what's this all about?"

"Well, Mike…last night, I had to go out to get some groceries, and Amber and Claudette stayed home…and when I came home there was a police car outside-"

"Oh my god…"

"I'm not finished," I said softly. "Mike, I'm really sorry that I have to tell you this, but I'd rather tell you than have you read it in the newspaper or see it on TV or something…but…" I paused. I heard him taking in a quick breath. "I know you lost Lydia, and I know that you were very struck by it, and I wish this hadn't happened but it has. But…Amber is dead. So is Claudette…I'm so sorry, Mike. And I mean that, I know how you feel, don't tell me that I don't. We've both lost our wives and our daughters and I wanted to tell you before you had the chance to hear it any other way. I'm so fucking sorry…but it's…it's the reality…"

For a long time he didn't say anything. I began to cry again, silently, and I wasn't wearing the mask at the time because I was in private, so I was able to wipe them away with the back of my hand, shuddering when I felt my skin. After a few minutes I spoke.

"Are you there?" I asked him. His answer was very blunt and hard sounding.

"Were they in any pain?" I closed my eyes, trying to breathe, trying to keep my heart from pounding so hard.

"They were murdered…" I said softly. "I think that Claudette was strangled or suffocated somehow, but Amber…" I coughed, trying to keep the sobbing down. "There was obviously a fight…"

I could hear him crying. "I'm sorry, too, Kane," he said. "When is the funeral?" he asked. It hit me like a punch.

"It hasn't been arranged yet…but I'll let you know as soon as I can," I told him. In truth it hadn't even crossed my mind. I felt weighed down by the responsibility.

"Alright…"

"Is ummm…" I choked on the words. "Was Lydia buried? Amber never told me…"

"Yeah…there's a cemetery a few miles from here…Amber went there a lot when she was little but after she met you she told me that…" he sobbed. "She said that she was in love, that she loved you the moment she met you…and that everything was perfect and that Lydia knew it and she didn't need to talk to a grave, that Lydia was with her."

I bit my bottom lip, trying to keep it from trembling and pulled at a strand of my hair. "Do you think they should be buried in the same cemetery?"

He sighed. "Yes, I think she'd appreciate it."

"How should I arrange it?" I asked him.

"No…don't worry about it, Kane," he said softly. "I'll take care of it."

"Mike, that isn't necessary…"

"Yes, Kane, it is. I don't see why you should have to be put through any more of this than you already have."

"No, Mike," I said, flat out arguing with him. "It's not right for people to have to bury their children and I'm not just going to let you take responsibility on this!"

"You lost your daughter, too," he said hotly. "Why should it be different? Amber is my daughter! And I already lost my wife and I want things to be perfect for them."

I sighed. "Can we not argue about this? Listen, Mike, you've gone through this once already and I don't want you to go through it again," I was crying this whole time, hiding it in my voice but the tears coming anyway. To be arguing with Amber's father only made it worse. "We're both in the same position here, Mike. And even though it's a task and probably neither of us want to  be burdened with it, it is something that they'd want us to take care of. It's our chance to show them that we care. Let's not argue about it…"

"Alright…I'm sorry that I got angry. Alright how about…" he groaned. "Can their umm…their…bodies be sent here and then we can work everything out together? And you can stay with me if you don't want to be at the apartment."

It shocked me how he'd almost read my mind, that he knew I was hesitant about being at the apartment. I credited this to the fact that he'd lost his wife as well. "Sure…"

"Give me the number of the hospital and I'll set it up. When can you be here?"

"Tomorrow?"

"Alright."

I gave him the name of the hospital, admitting that I didn't know the number and he understood completely. A moment of silence passed between us. "I'm sorry, Mike," I said again.

"I'm sorry, also. You're right, you know how I feel, and I know how you feel. And I really am sorry, Kane…"

"Yeah…"

Neither of us said goodbye and both hung up the phone at the same time. I felt terrible and aching as I pushed myself up and walked back into the bedroom. Saphrin was just putting on the Big Money Hu$tlas movie, and it was hilarious, and I understood then why Raven had named the frog Sugarbear. But still I couldn't laugh. Instead I just stared, trying to concentrate on the movie. When it had ended and Mark had started to put in Mallrats I told him to stop, telling them that I was tired and wanted to sleep. All of them nodded, tears rising in each of their eyes, and they all silently left me.

Jake got up on the bed with me. I curled up, staring at the ceiling. It was so dark and silent, choking. I hugged myself, feeling miserable and lonely as I fell asleep.