Author's Note: I don't own anyone except Cassandra Talin, Simon Harper, and Her. Psh, and even they don't listen to me. Everyone else is JK's creation, and I'm sorry I didn't state that in the first two chapters, but I think you got the drift.
This chapter is very long, sorry, but my characters wouldn't shut up. It's also been awhile since I've put out a chapter, and I apologize for that as well. I was in Russia, then off to a town in the middle of nowhere, then home. Oh yeah, I throw around a few Russian words in this chapter, and since not many people speak that language, I'll go ahead and translate for you (Note: The spelling of these words are phonetical in the story so you can say them, plus its hard to put them in Russian because its an entirely different alphabet).
Nyeht= No
Da= Yes
Pazhalsta= Please
vi guhvahretie pah-russki?= Do you speak Russian?
Nein= No (German)
Reviews are wonderful!
Chapter 5: Eyes like Mirrors
The color drained out of Severus' face as he stared blankly at the black huddle on the ground. He had just seen Cassi a few hours ago, still very much conscious. He begged for him not to be too late.
He strode over to her, and knelt by her side, and rolled her from her side onto her back, then shifted her so that she was half laying on his lap, half being held. He knew she could be half hysterical when she woke up anyway, and there was no way he was going to let her make a run for it. Cassi greatly resembled a limp porcelain doll, except an emaciated one. She was as pale as a ghost, and the dark shadows under her eyes were more prominent than ever. He touched her cheek, finding it sunken, and on her cheekbone was a light green bruise from her fall, but she was breathing. Part of the heavy feeling that had settled in him since he discovered the potion type lifted as he found her still of this world.
"Cassi," he whispered to her. "Cassi, wake up." He shook her very gently, and her eyelids fluttered.
"Nyeht," she whispered. "Pazhalsta, nyeht."
"Cassi, you're going to have to speak English before I understand what you're saying," he said quietly to her, trying not to startle her. She opened her eyes a bit more, then a sort of wild panic beheld them.
"Snape? Oh God, no…" she moaned, and she tried to roll out of his arms, but he held her tighter. "I'm fine! I'm fine! Let me go! I'm fine!" She fought him with all her remaining strength, trying to push away from him.
"Oh no you don't," he said, and she continued to struggle with him, then gave up resignedly, very tired from her efforts. She wouldn't have gotten far anyway, she was too weak to move.
"What are you doing here?" she asked haughtily, squinting up at him, still trying to wake up properly, and he thought she even sounded weak, her voice was barely above a whisper.
"I came here to talk to you, and you happened to be laying on the floor, not conscious," he said, the concern in his voice hard to hide.
"Imagine that. Well, I'm fine now, so let me go," she said, trying to sound like her usual cynical self, but that tired her too, and she blacked out again in his arms. When she came to, she was still lying on her floor, but she had a pillow under her head and a cool cloth on her forehead. She tried to sit up, but fell back against the pillow, muscles aching and mind reeling.
"Don't even think about it," called a deep voice from a chair next to her.
"Snape?" she asked again.
"Sorry to disappoint you," he said dryly.
"What's going on?" she demanded, finding her voice. She felt quite a bit better than she did earlier, but still dreadfully dizzy.
"I think you know what happened Cassi," he said quite plainly. The horrible feeling of discovery welled up inside her, and she turned her head away from Snape. Silence fell thick upon them.
"I didn't have a choice, you have to understand that," she whispered, not out of weakness, but out of shame.
"I do," he said quietly, and she shifted so that she lay on her side, facing him. He watched her, but not in that menacing way he usually did, it was blatant protective watching, as if he had been assigned to do so.
"I mean, it started out with just the Anxiety Potion, taken probably once every other week, in moderation when I couldn't take the stress calmly anymore. But I couldn't sleep, so I took a Sleeping Potion, knowing what could happen. Then it got worse, and before I knew it, I needed my Anxiety Potion more than I needed air." Cassi wouldn't look at Snape anymore she was so ashamed of herself, but he already knew her darkest secret so telling him this couldn't hurt, and she felt if she had to tell someone, it would be best if it was him. He didn't seem appalled by any of this, which was a slight comfort to her.
"You know it stopped working for the better awhile ago, don't you?" he asked, small increments of tenderness being added to his voice. She nodded. Severus started again. "I really should have caught onto it, or you should have told someone. You showed every sign of it; socialization problems, the total control you commanded over yourself, fatigue, it all fits."
She sighed. "I wasn't about to tell anyone, I hate getting help from others. I've always cared for myself." Severus silently agreed with her, he remembered when he was taken to the nurse when he was a young man, arguing and being physically dragged along the entire way.
"Well, you're going to have to get help now, I've drained all your potions," he said in a firm voice, and she closed her eyes and sunk into her pillow.
"You didn't," she moaned in disbelief.
"I did," he said serenely. "And I'm taking you to Madam Pomfrey as soon as you can walk."
"NO! I won't go, you can't take me to the nurse, they'll never let me teach again, I'll be confined to a bed forever. Please, please don't take me," she pleaded, her eyes begging him.
"Calm yourself, calm. I won't have you blacking out again because you're excitable," he said soothingly, and she closed her eyes for a moment and regained her composure, while Severus seemed thoughtful. "Then you must submit yourself to my care," he said with resolute. She was silent for a moment.
"Alright," she said quietly. "Fine. Just no nurse."
This startled him slightly, but he recovered quickly.
"First things first then. We'll wait here until you can walk, then we're going to my dungeons, I can't do a damn thing in this room," he said with irritation, knowing that this could take some time. He leaned back in his chair, folded his arms and watched her thoughtfully, as if lost in a memory. She sighed and tried to rest, but to no avail. Cassi was having a very hard time processing this gentleness from Snape, as the kindest he had ever been to her was that day with the spider. And then, of course, earlier that afternoon, when he was trying to assist her in correctly stirring the potion, but had only succeeded in making her heart pound hard and her hands tremor. He was never kind or sympathetic, yet he seemed to display both traits tonight, however small. She found this greatly confusing, so she shut her eyes and tried not to think about it.
"You might as well just help me up now, I won't get much stronger than this," she said after awhile, and he stood and offered his hand to her and helped her stand. She leaned against his arm at first, after closing her eyes to shut out the dizziness, but then managed to walk on her own after a bit. She followed him to his dungeons, very glad that the school was dark.
When they finally descended the stairs, Severus instructed her to sit in the chair by his desk while he went to go get something. She did so quietly, putting her face in her hands, torn between hoping this was an awful dream and gratefulness to Severus for not taking her to the nurse.
"Take this," he said, emerging from his office with a small phial of white liquid. Cassi looked up, and he placed the bottle in her hands. She rolled the cool glass in her palm as she examined it.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Antidote for the potion you have in your body at this time, it ought to neutralize it," he replied simply, and he watched her expectantly.
"Ought? Umm, are you sure?" she asked nervously.
Snape rolled his eyes, becoming impatient. "Yes, I'm sure. If you're going to refer to me as 'oh great Potion's Master' when attempting to insult me, you could at least be confident in my abilities. Now take the potion."
"Fine, fine, touchy," she said, and she took the small amount of potion in the phial and gave it back. He pocketed the bottle and silence befell them.
"Why are you doing this for me?" she asked very quietly. He should have just let me die.
Severus sat down at the chair at his desk next to her and drummed his fingers on the old book, still opened to the page about Anxiety Potions. "Aside from the nurse and Dumbledore, I'm probably the only one who could help you. And… I haven't exactly helped your situation this year, so this is partly my fault. Therefore, I'm correcting it."
Cassi felt very bad for him as she watched him now flip through the book, obviously looking for something, even if it was a distraction he was searching for. He was right, he had made things worse for her, but she still felt sorry she had let it get to her. She hated other people to feel bad about her or for her, part of the reason she didn't want others helping her. Before being able to give it a second thought, she reached out and touched his arm lightly. He turned his head and looked at her curiously, coal-black eyes wide.
"I didn't help my situation either, and I don't want you to regret your actions. And I don't want you to act differently because you think I'm weak and sickly. I hate that, and it would be too hard for you so don't even try it," she said, and she smiled when she said the last part. She thought she caught a half smile on his mouth, but it vanished too quickly for her to tell the difference between a smile and a smirk. She removed her hand from his arm, surprised that she had done that, and he continued to flip through the book.
He finally stopped at a page, and marked it with a quill, then shut the book. "I've got a potion in mind that will be useful for you, but it will take a few days to brew, which means," he said, sounding sterner, "you're not to take anything for 3 days."
She ran her fingers through her hair, then nodded bleakly. "That's not going to be easy."
"I know it's not, but it's absolutely necessary," he said, still sounding quite rigid and stern. "You should probably go and try to sleep. Are you sure you can make it to your room without collapsing?"
"Yes, I feel better now." Cassi stood and walked over to his heavy wooden door, but turned before leaving. "Thank you," she said softly. Snape's only reply was a nod, but that was enough for her and she left his dungeon.
As soon as the door shut with a click, he set his head on the desk in relief, his hair falling around him, shutting out the rest of the room. He reprimanded himself for being so gentle with her, he was kind and gentle maybe once every few years, and he hoped that she didn't run away with the wrong idea about him. And yet, he didn't think she was a gentle person either, but was proved wrong when she touched his arm delicately, sending electric bolts through him, leaving him feeling strangely empty as she left.
~
The next day was a Saturday, but Severus still awoke early. He got ready and left his dungeon, deciding that he would start her potion when he got back. But first, he wanted to make sure she had made it to breakfast. He knew all too well that she would lose her appetite, as well as her ability to sleep while she took nothing.
He entered the Hall and was relieved to see her sitting at the table, though her head was in her hands.
"Well, I see we're at least up," he said as he sat down. Slowly, she looked up and glared at him.
"I hate you," she groaned. "I have a headache, I'm tired, and I'm in no mood to bat sarcastic comments around, so it would be greatly appreciated if you please kept your mouth shut."
"Eat something," he said quietly.
"No." She was being defiant on purpose.
"Look, here comes Madam Pomfrey," said Snape, speaking loud enough to catch her attention.
"Fine! I'm eating something. You like commanding me around, don't you?" she said darkly. He smirked. His smirk was wiped off, however, immediately with the entry of Simon.
"Oh look, here comes you friend," he sneered.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she snapped with a glare. The conversation was cut short as Simon sat down.
"Cassi!" he exclaimed. "Wha-what happened?" He stared hard at her cheek, which had a purple bruise on it from her faint.
"I fell," she said shortly, clearly telling him that it was an off limits topic.
"That was some fall," he said quietly, then ate in silence. Cassi ate what she could, then returned to her room to read. Severus walked down to his dungeons, thoughtful.
Meanwhile, rumors spread like wildfire. All the students had seen the bruise on Cassi's cheek, and obviously there had to be a good reason for it. Some said that one of her suits of armor attacked her last night, but others had more sinister things in mind. Most were under the impression that she and Snape had gotten into a fistfight the way they were bickering that morning. Some argued the point that Snape wasn't hurt in the slightest though, and if they truly had fought, Snape would come away with nothing less painful than a broken nose and a few cracked ribs. Whichever it was, they were under the impression that one day, both would lose their temper and tear each other apart. They eagerly waited for the day Snape would get his.
Two days passed, and in Cassi's opinion, they were the longest days of her life. She was exhausted, and overall, very moody and paranoid. She jumped at the slightest noise, and had trouble conducting her class that Monday. It ended up that her students had to read a chapter from the book and write essays in silence while Cassi worked at her desk, struggling to stay awake. Luckily, her next class period was a free one, in which she decided to try and sleep, something that had evaded her since Friday night. Her students obeyed her wishes, though glanced at her curiously from over the top of their books, wondering what was going on.
When the bell rang for dismissal, Cassi nearly cried out in joy. As soon as she set head on the desk to sleep, a voice rung out from her doorway.
"Sleeping on the job?" it called.
"Shove off Snape, or you'll find yourself without a tongue," she called back muffled, then lifting her head to look at him through stray strands of black hair.
"Nice to see you too," he said sarcastically, then shut the door, drowning out the rumble of students in the hallway. He then strode over to her desk and set a small flask of black potion in front of her.
"Take a small bit of that once a day for a week," he instructed. She stared up at him.
"And then?"
"And then you won't have to take anymore potions for anxiety ever," he stated shortly.
"Sounds like poison," she said dryly, but took some all the same.
"You have to learn to be more trusting," he said, his eyes turning cold.
"Pardon? Trusting? People who live in glass houses, Snape…" she said, trailing off.
"I only trust those who deserve it," he growled. "Now, you need to eat something at lunch, or you'll make yourself sick. And try to get some sleep tonight, you look like Death itself."
"Thank you for that assessment, Professor," she mumbled darkly. "It's almost as if you cared."
Something about that sentence made him lash out. "Is it so far beyond you to think that I might care? Or that I know what you're going through?" he questioned, black eyes full of sincerity. He straightened up suddenly and turned to leave, but in a flash Cassi was in front of him, blocking the door. Snape hadn't thought it possible for someone of her state to move so quickly, but there she was, standing in front of his path with strangely gentle eyes. Damn him and his inability to control his words around her.
"Explain," she said, voice not entirely barren of compassion.
"I don't have to," he sneered, trying to protect himself from his own past. He started again, trying to push her away so he could get to the doorknob, but she wouldn't move.
"No, but I would appreciate it if you did," she said, her expression softening into a very earnest and placid look.
Snape was silent for some time, practically glaring at her for daring to be so inquisitive. "Fine. I was young, and afflicted with the same thing you have, every sort of anxiety disorder in the book, until someone else helped me." He stared into her eyes, and saw his own black reflection in their cool depths, marring the beauty of their color like a dirty smudge. He hated every emotion that swirled in those eyes; the miserable pain, the hidden torture, the wracking guilt, all shone out at him like a mirror of his own eyes. He wanted those eyes to shut, he wanted to make them shut.
"Who?" she breathed, boring holes into him with one steadfast expression of understanding of his situation. He hated that look too.
"Dumbledore," he stated shortly, and an intense look was shared. "Now, Cassandra, you seem to have a habit of blocking my path to doorways. I would appreciate it if you ceased to do so, so move." She stepped aside, still watching him with those horribly pained eyes. He disappeared out the door as soon as she stepped away, and she was now left with watching her very blank door with an even blanker expression.
"That's not the part I wanted explained though," she whispered to the door, her silent witness being stoically quiet. I wanted to know if he really did care.
Cassi took her potion as directed, once a day for a week. The taste was an awful flavor, far beyond that of her other potions, but she managed to choke it down every day. The first thing she had done was to take the empty bottles from her other potion and hide them under her bed, because they were first of all in the way, but mostly because she didn't want them sitting there, reminders of her past pains and addictions.
Snape had noticed a strange, yet subtle, difference in her. She was still as sarcastic as ever, probably even more so, but it was accompanied with a wry smile instead of a dark glare. Being social still evaded her, but she seemed a little more content. That 'look' in her eye, as Snape had named it with a shudder, was becoming less dominant, and a more passive one took its place.
These changes were somewhat relaxing to Snape, because it did so without changing the things he loved about her (as much as he hated to admit any sort of affection for the creature). Unfortunately, none of them had changed her actions towards him, with the exception of how nervous she was around him occasionally. He suspected it had something to do with something he's done, but it was useless to think about what it was, as she was such an enigma to him at times. Of course, they still threw cutting remarks at each other, but it was more of a game now, to see who could have the last word, a battle of the wits. No one seemed to have noticed that anything had happened to her, or that Snape had had anything to do with her other than claw arguments out of her.
One afternoon during break, as Cassi was just becoming used to not taking any potion at all, Snape decided to pay her a visit, but for business reasons only (or so he told himself). Her door was open, and he was about to step in when he heard a melodious song ringing quietly about the room. He peered in to see Cassi rearranging her books on her bookcase in the back of the room, her back turned to Snape. He smirked and leaned against the doorframe, observing her as she worked, listening to her sing softly to herself. For someone who was a sharply sarcastic mystery, he thought she sang rather sweetly. The song wasn't particularly happy, nor was it depressing; it was strangely soothing, though slightly eerie, yet he liked it all the same. Music wasn't something Snape dabbled in much, but he grew fonder of her and her musical talents as she continued to work.
"Don't shadow my door frame, Snape," she sung in the same tune, and turned around to face him, three books in hand, the song ending directly after she sung his name. "Spying on me?" Cassi tilted her head and looked at him with innocent curiosity.
Severus shook his head slowly and walked into the room, shutting the door behind him. "No Cassi, I've got better things to do with my time than watch you reorganize your bookshelf. I've come in Dumbledore's stead."
"Oh," she said, interested. She placed the books on a space on the shelf behind her, and turned around to face him again, clasping her hands behind her and leaning back against her shelf.
"Dumbledore has asked me to invite you to join our Defense Against the Dark Arts meetings." He watched the effect of these words on her, but it was nothing more than increased interest, so he continued. "Our Defense organization was created with the purpose of obstructing Voldemort's return to power through the aid of powerful and trustworthy witches and wizards. We meet roughly once a month in the castle. As you are the Defense teacher, and you did manage to pull off a fairly good performance with that spider, our members have decided to put our faith in you and we ask you to join us in a meeting this evening," Severus stated this plainly enough, though conviction flared in his black eyes.
"I accept," she said resolutely, then decided she might as well ask her questions while Snape's patience seemed to be flexible. "So, what exactly do you do in these meetings?"
"We map out attack sites, hear the reports from our spies, and plot against Voldemort's next move. There hasn't been much to do lately, as you have hopefully noticed, there seems to be a gap in his climb to power," said Snape.
"How many members are there? Is most of the staff in it?"
Snape looked thoughtful a moment, then said blankly, "There are about fifteen members, but not everyone is able to come to the meetings every time. Five of them are spies, and they rotate turns to attend and represent the other spies. Two work inside the Ministry, and are sometimes called away. McGonagall, Flitwick, Hagrid, you and myself are the only teachers in this, and the other's are a shopkeeper and a friend of Dumbledore's, and then of course Dumbledore himself."
Cassi nodded along, then turned her eyes to the floor. "So Simon is not part of this?"
"No, he has not shown that he could contribute much to our cause," stated Severus, beating his jealousy down within himself, try as hard as he could to keep it out of his voice and eyes. What was it about that man's very name that made him see red?
"I see," she said, nodding again. "Anything else I should know?"
"Not really, other than that this is a very secret society, and if word ever got out that we held these meetings, we'd all probably be dead, so it's best to keep this to yourself," he said with a slight growl.
"Do you trust me enough to be in this?" she asked, eyes shining cunningly.
Ugh, damn, now he had to answer the question one way or the other. "I believe it's worth a chance, if not, a simple Memory Charm ought to be enough. It's just one more thing for you to forget." He smirked at her, and she scowled.
"Not funny," she said. He crossed his arms and continued to smirk at her, then a thought seemed to have struck him and he too scowled.
"There is one thing I forgot to mention," he started slowly. "Have you been following the papers the last few years?"
"Yes," she said curiously.
"Well, as you may recall, a ah…person by the name of Sirius Black escaped Azkaban a few years back. He's also a member of this," said Snape, clearly angered by the mere mention of this man, and Cassi was torn between horror and the sudden urge to meet the man that made Snape so angry so quickly (a gift, to be sure).
"What? How did… how did that happen?" she whispered.
"Dumbledore's under the impression that he was wrongly convicted and imprisoned. So he's been part of this since last year, but he rotates with the other spies," said Snape darkly.
"And what do you think?"
"Let's keep my opinion out of this," he said, stiffening. She realized that his opinion must conflict with Dumbledore's, but if Dumbledore had enough faith to allow her in, then there must be some truth in Dumbledore's reasoning to pick Black. I really must meet him, it ought to be very interesting indeed.
"And he will be there?" she asked.
"Unfor-, err, yes," he said, balling hands into fists.
"Then I shall be glad to meet him," she said with a grin, only making Snape's stomach drop a few notches and his eyes to go wide with amazement.
"Wha- what?" he asked. "I hadn't thought you to be so…"
"Trusting?" she asked. "I've taken your advice after all, and he seems very interesting. Alright now, what time is this meeting and where?"
"Eleven o'clock, Dumbledore's office. Oh, and the password's been changed to 'Pepper Imps'," he said shortly, and turned around and left the room abruptly without so much as a goodbye glance.
"I wonder what that was about," she said to herself as she straightened up her books and got ready for class.
Late that night, Cassi walked to the second floor in the dark of the night, nervous about who might be at the meeting when she arrived. She decided to just forget it and go ahead, but she found herself at the gargoyle all too soon. She whispered the password to it, and stepped inside the door and up the familiar flight of three steps.
With a shaking hand, she opened the door and peered inside. No one was in there, not even Dumbledore, but she was rather early.
Just then, she heard a rustle of cloth from near a bookcase and she looked in that direction, wand already in hand. There stood a dark, long-haired man, with dark brooding eyes and sunken cheeks. It was Sirius Black, to be sure, so Cassi put her wand back in her sash. She thought he looked different somehow, and tried to recall the pictures she had seen of him. He did look different, his hair was shoulder-length instead of elbow, his eyes look brighter, and he didn't look nearly so menacing when he was smiling as he was at her.
"H-hello," she managed to say, and she extended her hand to him. He looked surprised, blinking at her a few times, then taking her hand and shaking it gently.
"You're not afraid?" he asked. She shook her head, and he flashed his smile again. "Well, then, I'm Sirius Black, and are you Cassandra Talin?"
"Cassi," she said.
"Well, Cassi, would you like to sit next to me?" he asked, brightening even more and gesturing to some chairs around a table Cassi just noticed, and she dared to think that he was kind of handsome when he was energetic. She smiled and sunk into a chair next to him.
"If you don't mind me asking, vi guhvahretie pah-russki?
"Da," she replied with a smile, then decided to see the depths on his ability to speak her language. "You are not a native, when did you learn to speak the language?" He raised his eyebrows at her question in Russian.
"I taught it to myself in school. For…entertainment purposes. It annoys certain persons to death when you insult them in a language that they can't speak," he said with a smile. She grinned.
"You are gifted then, most people lose their language after so many years, or at least their accent, but yours is wonderful," she said, blushing slightly.
"I'm flattered," he started, but stopped and tensed as someone walked in the door. She turned around to see Snape standing there, somewhere between shock, hatred, and mortification.
"Snape!" she said, her voice rather high and her accent still very evident, as it's hard to transition accents so quickly.
"Cassi," he said as a greeting, but it almost sounded like a threat.
"Watch this," whispered Sirius in Russian to her. He then directed his eyes to Severus and said plainly, "Professor Snape is an ugly git, and that look on his face is most certainly not helping. It sets off his big nose, which is perpetually in other people's business."
"What's he saying?" Snape asked Cassi, but she was fighting laughter too hard to answer in anything but a small gasp and a giggle. She covered her face with her hands and laughed, while Sirius grinned and shot a glance at Severus.
Something about the look on Snape's face made him pause for a moment though. He hadn't seen Snape look so…well, jealous before. Hatefully jealous. It was certainly enough for him to give Snape an odd look, and Snape wiped his face blank of any such look. Then Sirius looked back at Cassi, who ran her fingers through her hair as a way of composing herself, and it clicked. Snape was being slightly territorial with her, which was odd for him, as he usually denied any accusation of intimacy with another being. Which only meant one thing, Snape was fond of her. Sirius delighted in this little fact, and he grinned evilly up at Snape, then whispered something else to Cassi, who giggled and smiled, and responded quickly, leaving Snape lost in this exclusive conversation. He grew irritated and sat down next to Cassi and folded his arms, looking away.
" Ooh, he looks mad, how did you do that?" she asked in awe, smiling like crazy.
"You have to understand, I've had years of practice. We went to school together, you see. He's the one I learned this for; it annoyed him just as much when we were in school. It's very useful," he said, and he laughed and he cocked his head and watched her. "So, do you two get along?"
"I'm not sure," she stated slowly. "It's an odd thing. No, I don't think we get along well. Not really anyway, it's just…he can be very different sometimes."
Sirius raised one eyebrow. "Different? How so?"
"Sometimes it's almost like he has the capacity to be caring, I would almost go as far as to say that he's kind at times. He helped me out of a tough spot a few weeks ago, but now he's back to the way he was. It's maddening," she finished. Sirius nodded in agreement.
"Are you two done?" asked Snape, oblivious to their conversation.
"Maybe," said Sirius, and he grinned and winked at Cassi, something that did not escape Severus.
"How could you tell I'm Russian? I do not have the Russian face set. I suppose it was the accent," she said curiously. Sirius leaned closer too her making the conversation look a lot more intimate than it was. Severus supressed every urge to smack Black senseless.
"Ah, the only Russian witch I ever knew had purple eyes," he said silkily. "But you meet many different cultures in bars." They both burst out laughing, then quieted down, letting Severus fume.
"You could at least speak something acceptable, like German," he muttered, mostly to himself.
"Nein," said Cassi and Sirius together, and they both laughed. Luckily, Dumbledore came in at that moment.
"Sorry to keep you waiting, though you are quite early. I had to escort the others who Apparated outside the grounds. Ah, Sirius, I see you made it here safely, good good. Cassandra, my dear, I'm glad to see you here, we are in need of your knowledge," said Dumbledore, eyes alight with a fire rarely seen. The others who had followed him in took their place at the table, and within a minute, all the other people had arrived.
Dumbledore began their meeting abruptly and quickly, as if he was expecting people to burst through the door at any given moment. He rolled out a map on the table, and with the others' help, began placing little numbered dots all over the map, white for Muggle attacks, red for wizard attacks. Unfortunately, no pattern could be made yet, as there were only a few dots there. Next, the spies reported what they could, though there truly wasn't anything to report. Same with the giants, who were ready for attack through Hagrid's negotiations. The silence in the Dark side's movements was unnerving. Cassi rocked back and forth slightly while two members argued about why there was a sudden gap. Sirius noticed her movements and cleared his throat.
"I think the lovely Professor Talin has something to add," he said in mock formality, and the table fell silent. Lovely? thought Snape.
Dumbledore started. "Dear me, I nearly forgot you dear, you're so quiet! This is Professor Cassandra Talin, she teaches our Defense Against the Dark Arts class here. Go ahead, Ms. Talin."
"Thank you Dumbledore. Alright, this gap has happened before," she started nervously, glancing quickly between members. "If anyone remembers, there was a gap in his movements in his first ascension to power, though people didn't realize the amount of destructive power he possessed at the time. It's assumed that the first time he rose, he was in a type of gathering stage, collecting forces, assembling them, basically placing his noose around our necks. I would be very much mistaken if he was doing that again."
To her complete surprise, Severus jumped in with a comment. "She's quite right, Voldemort was placing people in stations, he had no time to make waves at first. He worked out his master plan and all it's kinks before ever enacting it." Cassi turned sharply to him, having never heard him speak of being a Death Eater before. Sure he had mentioned it that night so long ago, but the matter had been dropped quickly.
Severus chanced a glance at her, and saw her looking at him with surprise…and those horrible painful eyes. He turned away from her instantly; the look in her eyes was enough to make his heart ache with guilt and regret. He quickly involved himself in the conversation at hand, and tried not to look at her too much, though he caught himself glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.
Sirius caught that look too. This was most extraordinary to him, and he really could not pass up an opportunity like this to get back at Snape. He wondered if the poor girl knew what was going on in his enemy's mind; more than likely not, as very few did, but it was his business to know. A grin spread across Sirius' face as he realized it was obviously his duty to put the poor soul on her guard.
As the meeting came to a close, Snape turned his attention to the group of people on the other side of the table, and Sirius took the opportunity to talk to Cassi in Russian.
"Cassi, you seem like a really great person, so there's something you should probably know. It's the secret of my success with Snape tonight," said Sirius in a whisper, even if they were the only ones that understood what they were saying. Cassi merely blinked alertly in response. "Err, allow me to demonstrate something." As he said these words in a conversational way, he ran his fingertips lightly over the top of her hand, which was resting on top of the table. Cassi's eyes grew wide, but Sirius gestured at Severus, who was closing his eyes, his jaw tense. Cassi quickly averted her eyes.
"So…what are you saying?" she said, something between fear and shock in her voice.
"Have you ever thought that perhaps Snape is uncharacteristically nice at times because he might…be fond of you?" he asked.
Cassi was at a loss for words, but finally managed to scrape together a few sentences. "That's crazy talk, it's Snape. We fight all the time! We argue more than anyone I know! That can't be true," she said, her tone fluctuating between certainty and uneasiness.
"No, I'm pretty sure about this. Do you want more proof?" Sirius was trying to be gentle with this, but he felt pity for her all the same. Cassi looked like she was teetering on edge of opinions, but then nodded at his request. Sirius stood as everyone else at the table did, and then he took Cassi's hand and kissed it gently. By the time Cassi glanced over at Snape, he was edging towards the door angrily. She turned back to Sirius, who smiled in a very I-told-you-so kind of way.
"Before I forget, faculty, I have an announcement!" Dumbledore said before anyone could leave. The teachers' ears perked up and they turned to face the now standing headmaster. "On the 21st, Hogwarts will be observing the winter solstice with a dance. Goodness knows these children need a break from worrying about the Dark side. I'll announce this tomorrow morning, but I wanted to tell my core teachers first. Alright, that is all, thank you for coming."
"Oh great, the last thing I need," she said, rubbing her temple. She was getting a headache very quickly, and she resisted the feeling inside her that was welling up; the need to take a potion. She closed her eyes hard, then reopened them.
Sirius patted her shoulder kindly. "I feel quite sorry for you. Right now, being an escaped criminal looks really nice compared to your position." Cassi laughed at this, then shook his hand in goodbye and left the room, one of the last ones out.
She stepped through the hole in the wall and walked down the black halls, the night stifling her like a heavy blanket. She had just reached her floor when her headache increased sharply and she dropped to her knees.
His hands were so cold and so pale that she gasped when their icy grip curled around her arms tightly. He laughed at her fright.
Cassi looked up, her headache completely vanished. Her heart beat hard and she tried to calm her shaking nerves. What the hell was that? That wasn't…a memory, was it? It made a cold feeling swoop through her body.
"Nonono," she moaned softly, trying to suppress it into the back of her mind, but she could practically feel those hands gripping her arms. Snape never said she would start remembering things. She would have gladly stayed lifeless on that floor if she had known that she would regain anything from her past.
She stood and straightened her robes, thinking with her head bowed as she walked to her room. Her final conclusion was that she wouldn't trouble anyone with her recollections, and maybe they would eventually go away, though she knew deep down that this wasn't the case.
*~*~*
Cassi brushed her hair thoughtfully. Tonight was that horrid dance and Cassi wasn't looking forward to it in the slightest. Sure, it was a good idea, the children needed a bit of relief, but why a dance? Why couldn't it be a half-day or something similar? She shook her head and continued to brush her hair, then braided it halfway down her back, tying a ribbon at the base of the braid and letting the rest of her hair from the bottom of the braid hang to her waist.
She stepped over to her mirror and examined her reflection. For once in her life, she wasn't ashamed to look herself in the face. The shadows under her eyes had faded, and she no longer looked like a starved animal. She smiled at her reflection but then paced around her room nervously. This was really the last thing she wanted to do. Only one person really came to mind when she thought about this event, and that was Snape.
She had decided to disregard what Sirius had said about him, because she really couldn't find any truth in it. Just that next morning they were back to arguing about how she was eating, which she countered with a lengthy discussion about how wonderful Potter was on the Quidditch field, and how she marveled at how he had time to practice and complete all his homework. This had really set them off, and they exchanged sharp words all day. Things continued as they always had. Besides, she had other important things to think about. Like that awful memory, which she promptly pushed into the corners of her brain. Luckily, no more had resurfaced, so Cassi had just wondered if it was a fluke of her mind.
Cassi walked around her room one last time, then left her room and classroom, and started on the familiar path toward the Great Hall. When she got there, she could hardly believe the transformation of the Hall. Normally glowing yellow from the candles, it was now an eerie blue, as the flames of the candles were a bright blue. Icicles hung from the gargoyles on the walls and the tables that were pushed against them. Above the sapphire-lit dance floor, the ceiling of the Great Hall showed the night sky, glittering with pinpoints of stars and not a cloud in the sky. The moon hung over the room, casting its white light into the sea of blue. The Staff table stood where it always did, and about half the teachers were already seated. The table was laced with a silver garland, and to the left of it a band was setting up.
Snape had watched a dark figure peer in from the enormous double doors at the entrance of the Hall, but his jaw dropped when he saw that it was Cassi. She had her hair done a little differently, and he had most certainly never seen those robes before. It didn't hang on her like her other robes, it actually fit her (and very nicely too, Snape thought) though it was black. Other than this though, she looked like a far cry from the girl he found sprawled out on the ground over a month ago.
"Severus," said a voice next to him, shaking him out of his swirl of thoughts. "You might want to stop gawking at Talin, she might notice you, heaven forbid," said Professor McGonagall sarcastically, adding the last in a mutter. Severus shut his mouth, shot a cynical look at her, and then diverted his eyes.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled, still sounding resolute. Minerva just gave him an exasperated look, rolled her eyes, and continued talking to Dumbledore while Cassi walked up to the table and sat down next to Severus. She was about to say something to him when Simon clapped his hands on her shoulders and whispered something in her ear, making her smile. Severus scowled and looked angrily at the table.
At that moment, the students began to file into the Hall, their 'oohs' and 'aahs' heard all around. As soon as everyone seemed to get situated, the band struck up a tune and a few of the kids began to dance, then more joined in, then even more, until eventually they were all dancing. The teachers watched from up at the table for the first song, but during the second they dispersed into the crowd to watch their pupils' behavior.
Cassi watched the students fondly, smiling as she watched them have fun. She found herself in a corner of the Hall, observing everyone from here. The dance floor was a mosh of every color robe imaginable, all moving and jumping around. The music blared loudly, and the beat knocked dust off the rafters at times, but no one seemed to mind. She caught a glimpse of Simon, watching everyone gleefully, tapping his foot to the music. Then she caught Snape, and nearly laughed at the contrast as she observed his scowl from a few yards away.
Mercifully, the dance passed quickly in an array of blue light and fast moving figures. Cassi would breathe easier when this frivolous dance was over. At last, the final dance was announced by the lead singer, a long haired and scruffy looking fellow. To her horror, there was more to his announcement.
"Well young wizards and witches, the time has come when we play our last song then bid you adieu. However, for this last song, we'd like everyone to dance, so go ahead and pair up. Teachers, this includes you as well."
Desperately, Cassi tried to hide from that singer's view in the shadows of the corner while everyone around her found a partner. She caught a glimpse of Dumbledore inviting McGonagall onto the floor, and Simon being pulled along by Professor Sinistra. He caught her eye, shrugged, then winked. She hid further.
"Let's see, is that everyone?" asked the singer, his voice magically magnified. "Nope, where's this blonde girl in the yellow's partner? Ah, here he comes. Good good. Oh, I see you two teachers in the back trying to hide. Yes, you two in the black. Go ahead now." Cassi covered her face with her hands, just in time to miss the sight of Madam Pomfrey pushing Severus over to her corner, then returning to Hagrid.
Severus, looking seriously venomous and uncomfortable, sighed and accepted his horrible fate, wishing with all his might to go back to his nice safe potions in his lovely dark dungeons. He finally extended his hand to her, and she bit her lip and took his hand. They heard a few gasps from the crowd, as if expecting a large explosion to burst through the room as their hands touched. Uneasily, he placed his hand on her back and held the other. Both felt the stares of the crowd.
"Good, that's much better. Alright, here we go," announced the lead singer, pulling the attention away from them. A few notes of music were heard from the guitarist on his right, and then the drummer on his left struck up a slow beat.
Severus really could not have been more nervous, but he kept up his cool façade as usual as they revolved slowly where they were. He took this opportunity to study her closely, something he otherwise wouldn't have a chance to do, and hadn't done since her recovery. He cast his eyes over her frivolously long black hair (though he really yearned to touch it), overly-pretty, defined face (yet he found he had no real objections to it), wonderfully shaped and full lips (he wondered how they felt beneath his own but dare not let his mind wander off), and last, her eyes. Those eyes. He did not have enough words in his being to express how much he loved those eyes, yet loathed everything they held. He hated whatever charm they had cast over him to make him feel quite this oddly. He despised their capability to hold pain equal to his own, something he would have thought impossible And yet, they were beautiful.
Beautiful. That word he had so long avoided using when referring to the opposite sex. Only a few months ago he had tried to congratulate himself for smiting that word's meaning by defying society and looking down upon it. Yet here he was, dancing with the very definition of beautiful. Holding her. He once again felt a wave of nervousness. What was he doing with a thing like her? His very touch could blacken her life, smother the fine creature. He would never forgive himself if he caused harm to her. Cassi looked up into his eyes placidly, obviously thinking about something. The words of the song passed over him.
…
The path that lay ahead looked black,
Darker than that which I've already walked,
Dismally I slipped off the side,
Unable to go on,
Yet there you were to pull me up,
I told you that you saved me from myself,
And you echoed my words…
After a few more lines, the song faded into a soft silence. With as much courage and self-command as he could muster, Severus leaned over and whispered to Cassi, "See? I'm not as evil as you think." He then realized exactly how this looked and let her go, dropping his arms to his side. She opened her mouth to say something, then thought better of it and shook her head, thanking him for the dance then rushing off. The crowd broke into applause as the band took their final bows, then the students began to file out of the Hall. He ran his fingers through his hair and began herding children to their Common rooms. He caught one last fleeting glimpse of her as she intervened before a fight broke out between two Ravenclaw girls. There she goes.
~
Cassi was up late that night, sitting on the edge of her bed, pondering hard. That's it, I officially declare him the most fickle and moody man on the face of the planet. One second he's as angry as he can get, the next he barely notices you exist, then before you know it, he's whispering soft words into your ear with his hot breath making you tingly. Dah! What am I saying? Never had she been this stirred up about someone before. She tried to push him out of her mind, but random things like the way he held her and his whispers got in her way.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was you that are fond of him, not the other way around, said that annoying voice in her head.
"Oh please," she said out loud, then she crawled under the covers.
The whole next week was a holiday week, and many of the students had caught the Hogwarts Express back to their homes. Cassi, needless to say, was happy to have a bit of a break from her students, and enjoyed the quiet of the castle with the majority of its pupils gone. Unfortunately, however, it made it quite hard for her to hide from certain persons.
On the following Monday morning, Cassi woke up with a headache, and also a very foul mood. She walked to breakfast as usual, relieved to find that Snape was leaving just as she was entering. He avoided her eyes and continued. With a roll of her eyes, she continued to the table. Very few students had risen yet, and Dumbledore was the only staff member there.
"Good morning," he said brightly. She replied as cheerily as she could, but ate in silence, only eating about half her food and poking the rest around her plate angrily, wincing at the pain in her head. She decided to quit playing with her food and go back to her room to read, but as she rose, Dumbledore caught her attention.
"Professor, would you mind informing Severus that I need to have a word with him? I would do it myself, but I need to see Minerva first," he asked courteously.
"Yes, Headmaster," she said politely smiling. She walked to the door of the Great Hall, when Simon Harper rounded the corner and caught her by the wrist.
"Hey, where are you rushing off to?" he asked, flashing a smile at her.
"I have to go see Snape," she answered, her tone sounding highly unenthusiastic.
"Wow, what a coincidence. I need to speak with him later today, could you tell him that?" She gave him a questioning glance, but nodded. He continued. "Oh good, thank you so much. Hey Cassi, I'm very sorry I didn't get a chance to dance with you on Friday."
Cassi found herself panicking a bit. She hoped her inferences were wrong. "I'm not much of a dancer, you didn't miss a thing."
"I don't know, you seemed to do fairly well with Snape," he commented lightly, and her eyes widened, then narrowed in recovery. "I know that must have been hard for you, dancing with someone as horrible as him." She breathed a slight sigh of relief and, for lack of thinking of anything better to do, nodded, still irritated at what he was insinuating at the first. He patted her on the shoulder, then sauntered off to the table. She shook her head and headed down the hallway until she came to descending stairs at the end of the corridor.
With a roll of her eyes, she gathered her robe up a bit and descended the steep stairs so she didn't trip. That was about the last thing she needed, being berated and laughed at by Snape for falling down a flight of steps. By the time she had reached the bottom, she felt a dramatic temperature change. It was freezing in these dungeons, and she wondered why she didn't notice before. Oh yes, that's right cried the little voice in her head with pleasure, you were either waking up from fainting or blushing your head off. She could have strangled that little voice right about then. Damn that voice of truth.
Cassi reached his room at the end of the underground hallway, made of a plain, smooth gray stone with torches flickering every few feet. With a steady hand, she knocked then opened the door. Snape was sitting at his desk, make several marks on pieces of paper with deep concentration. He glanced up then looked back down continuing with his work.
"Well, what do you want?" he snapped. He was in no better mood than she was.
"Oh you know, the usual socialization I get from you; insults, critical remarks, things like that. Yes, I came down here on my own free will," Cassi said, placing a hand on her hip, her tone dripping with sarcasm. He gave a short, impatient sigh, but still wasn't giving her the minimum respect of looking at her while she was talking. She walked over to his desk in the corner and stood beside it, looking at the marks he was placing on the student's paper. She suppressed the urge to criticize his hasty marks when she saw that the marks were all over Harry's paper. "Actually, Dumbledore wanted to see you."
Severus gave a nod of understanding. "Fine, you can go now."
"Don't treat me like I'm owl post, I'm not done," she snapped, temper rising.
"Spit it out then."
"Simon would also like to see you." After she said this, Severus laid down his quill and looked up at her, smirking.
"Really? What an interesting turn of events. Did he say anything more?" he asked.
"No, he didn't. That's probably why he wants you to go talk to him, so that he doesn't defeat the purpose of your visit and waste your ever so precious time." She folded her arms haughtily and glared at him, and he stood, towering over her slightly.
"Don't look at me like that, you look half starved when you do that with your face. Wait, I forget myself, you are half starved," he sneered. She unfolded her arms and used every ounce of self-composure so that she didn't slap him. Her eyes flashed.
"I am not half starved," she said slowly with emphasis on every word.
"No, you're just a girl with convenient amnesia."
Before she could stop herself, she grabbed him by the collar and pushed him back a foot into the wall hard, pinning his wand hand back, robe collar still in hand. "You listen to me. It is not my fault that I can't remember my youth. If I had it my way, I would have never forgotten. You do not know what a living hell it is not knowing who you are. But I'm finally somewhere where I can work and I'm trusted. Even by Dumbledore. If my story is good enough for him, why isn't it for you?"
In a flash, he had used her own grip on him against her, twirling her around and slamming her into the wall. She struggled with him, then gave up, leaning close to him and giving him a cold glare.
"Ah, but what good is it to be trusted by Dumbledore but feared by the entire student body?" he asked silkily.
"You're one to talk! Everyone hates you. They fear you and your prejudiced power that you hold over their head every moment of their day. There's a difference between respect and fear, Snape," she hissed, shooting death looks into the pair of eyes that weren't an inch from hers.
"Stop calling me Snape! For God's sake, I have a name! We have known each other for four damn months, you could at least call me by my name, Severus!" he sneered back, voice dropped to a deadly whisper but it felt as if he was shouting. And those horribly beautiful eyes were flashing with fury and pain. He wanted to make them shut.
"And my name is Cassi, but it doesn't matter what the hell my name is because you still treat me like dirt!" She had sunk down to his type of whisper. Silence rang loudly in their ears as they glared at the other. A clock ticked methodically somewhere off in the distance.
Before either had the ability to comprehend their actions, they found their lips pressed against the other's. She had let go of his wrist and had placed her hand on his chest, grabbing a fistful of robes and pulling him closer. His hands were preoccupied too, one placed on her back, the other had woven its fingers through her hair possessively. Everything they had held back these past months rest on their kiss, and it showed as it grew more passionate with every passing moment. Severus pushed her back against the wall, which only deepened the kiss as she parted her lips to gasp, allowing him in. Cassi thought her heart would leap out of her chest it was pounding so hard, or perhaps die of electrocution as bolts of lightening flashed through her body, leaving her mind paralyzed. As much as he thought he should, Severus couldn't let go of her. He was a dehydrated man in an oasis of water; she was his water, everything he needed, and he was love starved for this.
Cassi pulled back, gasping for breath and staring at him with wide eyes full of fear as she realized exactly what had just taken place, how much she had just let herself lose control. And it scared her.
"I…have to go," she whispered fast, letting go of him and escaping his grasp. She flung the door open and ran out of the room, fighting back tears. Severus had turned to watch her go.
He finally leaned with his back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling, breathing hard and feeling defeated.