Disclaimer: JAG belongs to DPB, Paramount, CBS et al. This is for fun, no copyright infringement is intended.

- JAG headquarters, Friday morning

Colonel Sarah Mackenzie sat at her desk in her office, the door firmly shut and all blinds closed. She stared at the open file in front of her without seeing it, as little as she noticed her nervous fiddling with the pen in her hand.

Why had life to be so complicated? Was this a cosmic joke at her cost? First this terrible mission in Paraguay. All right, she'd stepped into it with her eyes wide open and she got out of it with barely a scratch - at least physically. The rest was ... more complicated. Like her 'relationship' with Harm. He had come to save her and she would be forever grateful for it ... but immediately after that they had continued exactly where they had stopped: At pushing each others buttons. Hard.

The same old routine again ... and the same pain. And in the end she had given in and admitted to herself that her greatest wish would probably never come true. Maybe it was naïve and typical female to believe they would be able to remain friends after all that had happened. But she had truly believed their friendship had meant something to him too. That they had learned to respect and know each other over the past years ... just not enough to take the next step.

And then her flyboy had walked off and joined the CIA. Her Harm. Her the- truth-and-only-the-truth Harm. Her 'Webb, how can you even think about sacrificing these people for the greater good' Harm. Maybe she had never known him at all.

And it was scaring her to death.

If she hadn't been able to figure Harm out in these - what? Seven years, eight years of working together ... how should she be able to figure out a man who kept secrets for a living?

Clayton had told her he needed her. This man she'd never considered to have any feelings for her - or for anybody else - had suddenly opened up and put his heart in her hands. No, stop, that wasn't true. Well, yes, he had opened up and had put his heart in her hands. But she had never considered him to have no feelings at all. At least not after she had gotten to know him better over the years, the first encounters hadn't been exactly promising though. But eventually she had discovered a heart under those three-piece-suits. Years ago she had even called him loveable. When she had thought he had been killed. Somehow she always needed a constellation like this to look behind his annoying shell of arrogance. Or to be allowed to look behind it.

Maybe that was the problem now. Looking back it seemed to her that he had tried to open up completely. That he had tried to trust her, to talk to her. And then suddenly it was forbidden ground again. Like running into a wall. She was still wondering what had changed everything.

All she had wanted had been to know him better before trying to deepen ... whatever it might be between the two of them. And there was something, she just wasn't sure what. She was willing to find out but... it couldn't be wrong to take it slow. She needed to know him, to trust him. But somehow they weren't able to talk without stumbling over something 'classified'. It was hard enough to deal with his job ... but now she had the certain feeling he was holding back his personal life too. And that frustrated and annoyed her because she simply didn't understand why!

Well, their half-fight on Monday hadn't helped one bit. All right, accusing him of not even trying to open up had been rather harsh... But for heavens sake, it had been a simple and in her opinion reasonable question. She had tried to talk, damn it! And that comment about 'hormone swings' in return had definitely been out of the line. Men! Sometimes she just wanted to scream...

A knock at the door interrupted her thoughts abruptly. Mac jumped slightly and dropped the pen in surprise. The knock was repeated.

"Ah, yes?"

The door opened and Harriet poked her head in. "Ma'am? May I come in?"

"Harriet! Of course." Mac got up. She caught a glimpse of Bud, surrounded by half the staff, holding a wailing bundle in his arms as Harriet slipped through the door and closed it behind her. "Oh, you've brought Jimmy. I haven't heard you coming."

"Ma'am," Harriet clasped her hands tightly together, "Can I ... can I talk with you?" She looked pale and Mac was instantly concerned. Getting not enough sleep was clearly eating away at her strength.

"Harriet, you don't even have to ask-"

"He's lying to me!" Harriet blurted out and burst into tears. Mac just stood a moment with her mouth open, feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Then she hurried around her desk and directed Harriet to one of the visitor seats.

"Sit down. Harriet! Sit down. Hush, it's all right. Everything will be all right."

"It isn't!" Harriet sobbed almost hysterical. "He lied. Why did he lie? Why?"

"Shh, Harriet." Mac patted her shoulder. "Easy. Wait, here -" She ran for her purse and grabbed some handkerchiefs. "Take these. You have to calm down, please! Who lied?"

"Bud!" Harriet forced out between sobs. She dabbed her eyes. Mac felt again at a loss. This was going to be difficult. Finally she crouched down and laid her fingers on Harriet's hands. Maybe the other woman would calm down when she had the opportunity to talk about her problems.

"Harriet, please. Come on, breath. In - and out. In - and out." Mac gestured then she realized she was breathing together with Harriet and felt slightly embarrassed. But it worked, Harriet really stopped crying. "Talk to me, Harriet. What has happened?"

"J-J-Jimmy was crying all day yesterday, the doctor's said it's his stomach and with the medicine it should be better soon but it's still so hard to console him and sometimes driving around in the car is the only possibility," Harriet took another deep breath, "AJ was with a friend and his mother and Bud had phoned earlier to tell me that he had to work late and would be in the library but he wasn't because when I put Jimmy in the car and drove around -" She interrupted herself to blow her nose, "When I was driving around I came through this street. I swear I didn't even know where I was any more, I was just so glad Jimmy had fallen asleep finally. And then - then -" Her eyes looked suspiciously watery.

"And?" Mac raised her brows.

"And then I saw Bud." Harriet was clenching the handkerchief in her fist. "Only it wasn't near the library at all. He was entering a gym!"

"A gym?" Mac felt the need to touch Harriet's forehead and search for signs of a fever. It was obvious that she was too exhausted to think clearly. "There's nothing bad in going to a gym, Harriet. Maybe he wanted to do some exercises..."

"No, no, you don't understand," Harriet shook her head desperately. "You haven't seen the people going in there. Bud would never go into a gym like this to work out!"

"Have you tried to talk to Bud about it?" Mac patted Harriet's hands and prayed the other woman wouldn't start crying again. "Harriet, please! Just tell me."

"I - I tried. As soon as Bud came home finally. But he immediately started to talk about work and what he did at the library and then ... then he said he'll have to go again today!"

Mac opened her mouth but Harriet wasn't finished yet.

"And there's something else. He's ... he's humming!"

"Humming."

"Yes! But only when he thinks I can't hear it. As soon as he sees me he stops."

Mac just looked.

"Bud never hums!" Harriet was even more upset because the Colonel didn't seem to understand how important it was.

"Harriet," Mac looked deep into her eyes. "I really don't think it's as bad as you think it is right now. And I know -" She raised her voice before Harriet could interrupt her, "I know what you have seen and it is strange that he isn't telling you the truth but maybe there's a very simple explanation for all this. I'm going to talk to him."

"Don't tell him I saw him!" Harriet jumped to her feet.

"There's no reason why I shouldn't..."

"No! Please! Maybe he'll think I was following him and is getting mad at me but I wasn't, it was all because of Jimmy and accidentally and -"

"Harriet, stop it now!" Mac forced her friend back down on the chair. There was no reasoning with the exhausted woman. "All right, I will not tell him, I promise. Trust me, Harriet. This misunderstanding will be cleared up soon."

"You really think so, Ma'am?"

"I have no doubts about it." Mac smiled encouragingly. "So, now we'll see what we can do about your red eyes and then I want to hold Jimmy for a while - o.k.? Don't worry, Harriet."

Harriet didn't seem to be entirely convinced but ready to go with Mac's suggestion for now. Mac kept the smile plastered on her face, while inwardly shaking her head. 'My, my, the joys of parenthood. Please, God, let her get a good sleep for a couple of hours soon. And I've thought I've got problems.'

- JAG headquarters, later that morning

Mac flipped through an alibi file and strolled casually nearer towards Bud's office. Peering through the glass she nodded satisfied - he was alone and working at his desk. Stacks of files, piled up to dangerous heights, covered most of the tabletop. Mac walked through the door and nearly stumbled. Sure enough - he was humming. Well, as good as an opening as anything else.

"That's a nice tune, Bud."

Bud jumped in his seat. His movement caused one of the folders to lose its insecure balance and sail to the floor.

"Oh." Mac crouched down to pick it up.

Bud tried to gather his thoughts. "Tune? W-what tune, Ma'am?" Even to him it sounded lame and awful defensive. And he had promised to tell no one. He was definitely in big trouble.

"The tune you were humming." Mac, still crouching low, reached up to put the file back on his desk. "I think I know it but I can't come up with the title... No, wait ... I think I've danced to it once - Bud!"

Mac was showered with files tumbling down on her because Bud practically leapt to his feet, rocking the desk hard as he did. Paper scattered all over the floor.

"Ups," Bud croaked out. He frantically searched for an escape route. The Colonel was able to wring information out of a stone if she was in the right mood - he had been on the receiving end of that before, thank you very much. Just to think of her interrogation tactics brought sweat on his forehead. "I - I wasn't humming, Ma'am."

"Sure you were." Mac tried to gather up the contents of the different folders without increasing the mess any further. She was getting a headache.

Bud spied one of the remaining files on his desk and grabbed it. There - a way out! "I'm sorry, Colonel, the - the DiSaggio case." He stumbled around his desk, fished for a pen and drove the few files Mac had just picked up right back down on her.

"Bud!" Mac shielded her head with her arm.

"Sorry, I'm sorry. But I've got to go, I'm late already." He aimed for the door. "Mantoni is waiting."

"But, Bud..." Mac rescued her fingers before he could step on them in his haste. "Mantoni will not be back..." She turned around on her knees, "... until tomorrow." But she was finishing her sentence to an empty office.

'What did just happen here?' Mac needed some seconds to recover before she was able to shut her mouth and stagger to her feet. Shaking her head at the mess on the floor she brushed her uniform down and headed for the door. Outside she nearly ran into her CO. Chegwidden was staring to the entrance but turned when he sensed her behind his back.

"Colonel! What has gotten into Lieutenant Roberts? He stormed out as if he was followed by a horde of cannibals!"

"I don't know, Sir." Mac was too busy with her own thoughts to pay much attention. She threw her hands up. "But strange things are going on in this office."

Incredulously Chegwidden watched her sail past him and followed her retreating back with his eyes until her door closed with a thud. Then his gaze swept through the bullpen before he crossed his arms and snorted.

"And what's new about that?"