Oh…and I know that this story is sad as fuck. XD XD but it's my intention and I guess I'm doing a good job at it. Sorry Kazaa if you're getting upset about it…but Hehey. I warned all of you!!! Big Red BROKEN HEART!! :P :P So there! Oh and this chapter is kinda short so I'm posting 2.
Chapter 46I decided to watch Raw that night. That afternoon after I'd composed myself, Mark had driven me to the airport and I left to get to Mike's. He had set up his "guest room" for me in his monstrous luxury apartment above the hotel, the guest room really nothing more than a small apartment within his apartment, complete with it's own bathroom and kitchenette and living room. I was amazed and very thankful to him when he showed it to me. But as I was saying…that night, after an afternoon of being nice and calm and trying to have fun with Mike, I retreated to my room and locked the door, wanting to be alone. The refrigerator was filled with beer and sandwiches and soda and the counter overflowed with junk food. I loved Mike for his hospitality as I grabbed a bag of chips and a bottle of beer before I sat down and turned on the television.
Immediately when they panned around the crowd there were countless signs and banners for Amber. My eyes stung as J.R. made a small announcement about what had happened. He was choked up as he spoke and very solemn, King as well. I was completely dead and unmoving, my eyes tearing and the tears spilling, perhaps the only moving thing on me the tears the rolled. I couldn't bring myself to break down into tears, even if I wanted to. There was no point in doing it now; nothing would come from it.
Crying wouldn't bring them back.
Sobbing wouldn't do anything but exhaust me, and I was exhausted enough as it was.
The first few matches were half-assed and lazy, distracted. Before and after the commercials they were showing clips of her promos and pieces of matches and highlights and all that. They showed her debut, and the kiss. It made me feel so horrible. And then, near the halfway part of the show, Lillian Garcia stepped into the ring and began to say something about Amber which I really wasn't listening to, and then called for a moment of silence. It hit me when the arena fell quiet. My hand covered my face, and I began to choke on the sobs. I couldn't help it. I thought I would have a heart attack as I saw all the other wrestlers standing on the ramp, and heard the bell tolling.
As the camera's panned around at the crowd I saw many people looking sad and distressed. I was hit by it.
"Amber…" I said over and over. I curled up on the couch, my sixth beer falling out of my hand and spilling on the carpet. And then came a tribute, the song Too Late To Speak playing, by the brilliant young band Vibrant Grooves.
"There's a constant dream about you that's running through my head. And it's playing like a movie that I wish would never end. But to wrap your arms around me and tell me you'll be gone, in the end I am drowning in the words that you have drawn."
I didn't want to look at the screen but I couldn't help it. Amber. They showed her wrestling, showed us kissing, showed clips of when she would laugh maniacally after taking a chair shot just to freak people out. I held myself, feeling like I would have a heart attack.
"Will there be a sequel? Or will it just end? Can I stop drowning? Will I see you again? Will I get to tell you how I really feel? Am I too late to speak? Will I see you again? Will I ever get lost get lost inside your eyes again? I want to hold you until the world ends. I never you to go be hurt by him again. I wish you'd stay, I wish this wasn't the end. I am just driving to get through this pain. And I can't stand you leaving, I want you to stay. But my feelings for you can't keep you here with me. So I feel that I'm too late to speak…"
I grabbed another beer, sobbing and I chugged it down, drinking as many beers as I could, turning off the TV as the song was ending and they showed a clip of when Amber won the Women's Title, as she hugged it and cried and raised her arm in victory.
Purple. Her beautiful purple hair…
I turned it off before it was over, not thinking that I could endure seeing the inevitable dates they'd throw up onto the screen at the end.
After a while, when I was drunk enough and miserable and tired, I passed out on the bed in my clothes. I knew that the next day I'd be looking for their resting place, perhaps the most morbid and tragic thing I could imagine doing.