Disclaimer: I do not own any of the FFVII characters, items, materia,
places, etc, they belong to square soft, but I do own Crisis, Nozomi, and
Akuma Kitsune, my brother owns Michael, and my friend owns Xellis. We also
own Leno, Rena, Crude, and Tsung. I don't care what anyone says about me
putting my original characters or brother and friend's original characters;
I am doing this for my own amusement. Have fun and enjoy! If you send any
bad review about the original characters, I will hunt you down. Michael
will kill you with a shrubbery and tell you your feet smell like an ass
during summer...
Chapter 1: the Letter
It was after Meteor and the Avalanche plus Aeris, Zax, and Sephiroth had fixed up the ShinRa Mansion and made a home there. It is a peaceful morning and Crisis was in the backyard hanging a piece of laundry on a pole. Michael, as a small chocobo hung upside down looking at Crisis "Wark?" he asked she sighed and said "Almost done." turns to 11 different poles with different clothes "11 loads of laundry for 11 people." she bends down to pick up another piece of laundry "At least I'm almost done with Vincent's laundry."
Crisis noticed something on Vincent's black boxer, as she stretched it out she saw the Batman sign on it! She stared at it in disbelief with a smile on her face //Who wears boxers like this one? // she thought to herself. As she was hanging the particular pair of Batman briefs "I just have to wonder." she started "Which side does it go on? The front or the back?" She picked up the stacked baskets and said "I'm finally done."
Former ExSOLDIER Cloud Strife, walked up to the gate "Mail's here." he said. "I'll get it!!" Red XIII replied bounding ahead of Cloud. Cloud stopped abruptly to the screams of the mailman "AUGGH! RABID DOG!! GET IT OFF ME!!" Cloud made it to see the mailman running for his life as it rained letters and magazines. He put his hand to his face and said "Red. you don't attack the mailman." Red looked up at him and replied "I couldn't help it."
"Are these our mail?" Cloud asks Red as they both picked the mail up. "I believe so." Red answered. As they walked back to the mansion, Cloud sorted through the letters "Junk mail, junk mail, chain letter, a magazine for Aeris, bills, bills." "And more bills." Red finished. Cloud continued walking and Red XIII stopped "I better give Aeris her magazine."
Red XIII stared down at one letter addressed Vincent Valentine. //Vincent rarely gets letters.// Red thought to himself. He looked right then left and held the letter up to the sun trying to read through the envelope. Crisis walked up to him and snatched the letter out of his paws "Hey! I got that first! Go read someone else's letter!" Red XIII exclaimed "Vincent Valentine. you know that you shouldn't read other peoples letters Red, because it's bad and you might get hurt for doing so." she said "Well, can I have it back?" he asked "Nope, I'm gonna go give it to Vincent." She answered and walked into the mansion. Red stared and said "I wasn't doing anything."
Once inside the mansion, you can see how much has changed. All the monsters that hunted it had been run out or kicked out of the mansion and everyone had fixed and cleaned the whole thing from ceiling to floor. The mansion had even been renovated so everyone could have a room to sleep in except Vincent still sleeps in the coffin in the basement while Xellis and Sephiroth took the library. Crisis put the laundry baskets down by the door and shouted "The laundry is out drying now! No one better go near them and dirty any ONE of the laundry or else the one who does will die horribly and their blood drained for. gruesome usage." she walked upstairs, to her room, open the secret doorway, and walked down to the basement. The basement hasn't changed at all.
As Crisis was halfway through the tunnel, Michael the chocobo walked by, she stared after him with a sweat drop "Ok." she said and went through the first door. She stopped halfway in for Xellis was in there, chanting, and trying to raise the 'five' fallen Turks and spraying chicken blood, which is actually corn syrup with red food coloring, around the room. She made chanting noises for a second before beginning her own summoning spell. "Heavens hear my request!" She stopped abruptly looking thoughtful. "Maybe I should be asking downward. Alright! Hell! Hear my request! Open the gates of hell for your ruler! Ra-ra! Ri-ri! Send those five dumb-ass TURKS back to me!" Sephiroth growled something under his breath. "Five? Which five TURKS would those be?" Xellis smacked him upside his thick head (the one on his shoulders). "Leno, Crude, Rena, Tsung, & Vincent!" Xellis said as if it were the most obvious thing in the whole universe. "GODDAMMIT, I'M STILL ALIVE!!!" Vincent, very alive & very pissed, yelled from within his coffin. "No you're not. You're in a coffin." Xellis replied slowly, so he would understand her & her seemingly 'superior' intelligence. "Then how the fuck can you hear my voice?!" Vincent retorted. "I'm insane! I hear voices all the time!" She answered him right back, rolling her eyes.
"Right." Crisis said and walked up to Vincent's coffin, she knocked on it "Sorry to bother you Vincent, but there is a letter for you." She said. After a few second of silence she repeated herself getting agitated "There's a letter for you Vincent. are you going to get out of your coffin.?" "I would if ONLY Xellis would go away!" He answered.
Crisis turned to Xellis "Will you please stop trying to bring those four back from the dead. although I like killing. I don't want to kill creatures and people to feed four more undead people." she said. Xellis turned to her and "I'm not leaving until all five TURKS are standing in front of me!" "Oh, for the love of black haired TURKS who looks sexy and red!" Crisis exclaimed.
"But I don't love black haired TURKS who looks sexy and red. I love silver haired generals who look sexy nude! " Xellis said.
Crisis shook her head with her hands over her ears "I did not need to hear that about Vincent's son! GET THE FUCK OUT SO I CAN TALK TO VINCENT AND GIVE HIM HIS DAMNED LETTER! YOU COULD BRING LENO, CRUDE, RENA, AND TSUNG BACK LATER!" Crisis shouted.
Xellis sniffed and stated to cry "You're mean! I've been waiting for ten years and you now you're telling me to wait more?!" and a torrent of tears came flying nearly straight out of her eyes. Crisis stared "..." all the while this happen, Sephiroth sat down on the floor and started polishing his masamune. "This will take a minute or two Xell. once it is done THAN you can get back to raising the TURKS." "Ok." Xellis sniffed again and wiped her eyes. "I swear. she maybe older than me. but I'm the one who acts like the oldest and mature." she muttered.
Crisis turned back to Vincent. She pushed the lid off and stared down at Vincent "You have a letter." She told him. He looked up at her "From who?" he asked "There is no return address." She answered she handed the letter to him as he sat up and he used one of his claws to open it.
After a few minutes of reading the letter, Crisis asked "What does it say?" "This might interest you Mr. Valentine, but there is an underwater laboratory off to the east of the Round Island that I want you to see. Get a submarine and go there, there is something interesting there that might surprise you." He read.
"Does it say who it is from?" "No." "Are you going to this underwater lab?" "If I am going. I will to have to ask Cloud if I could borrow the sub." "Well, if you're going, I am too." "Me too!" Xellis exclaimed and turned to Sephiroth "I'll let you play with my goodies if you go." He stood up "I'll go too." Vincent and Crisis just stared. After asking Cloud if he could borrow the sub, Cloud agrees to let him use it, but on the condition that he comes along because he's worried that it might a trap. Crisis and Xellis both turned to Michael "You're coming as well." They both said and Michael froze up and fell stiff like a board.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What would these six find in the underwater lab? Read the next chapter to find out! Same Bat time! Same Bat channel!"
"Michael!" Crisis whacked Michael upside his head with a paper fan "That is not a good way to end a fic! And you can't steal that! It's been copyrighted!" "How 'bout this?! Next time on Crocodile Hunter!" Michael said in an Australian accent "Learn how to shove your thumb up something's butt hole!" "MICHAEEEEEEEEEEL!!!!" "Good day!" and Michael ran away.
The screen flashes to black & huge red Katakana appear on the screen. Then the announcer's voice begins to explain the preview. "Next time, on 'Gundam Gay', Wufei returns to his boyfriend, Treize's house to find him in the arms of Milliardo." The screen shows a very handsome young Chinese man with black hair coming through a door, smiling & he's in the middle of announcing he's home when he stops. The next second he's looking heartbroken, while two other very handsome men, one with swept back ginger colored hair & the other with long white blond hair, look at him with shocked & slightly fearful expressions. "Will this finally be the end of their relationship?" A huge red question mark appears over the frozen scene. "Duo & Heero continue their affair but Relena is beginning to suspect something's up." Two young men, one with a braid of chestnut colored hair & the other with an unruly head of dark brown hair, are locked in a passionate kiss in a private office. Then a woman in another office is looking angry & displeased. "Will she break them up through her tricks or will she leave Heero once & for all?" Another question mark appears over Relena's face. "And, Trowa has finally discovered his feelings for Quatre." A young man with a uni-bang of light brown hair was shown looking longingly at a youth with short platinum blond hair. "But what will he do about it? Find out next time on. 'Gundam Gay'!" A final question mark is shown over the scene before it fades to black again & the show's name is shown again in Katakana.
End of Chapter 1
Chapter 1: the Letter
It was after Meteor and the Avalanche plus Aeris, Zax, and Sephiroth had fixed up the ShinRa Mansion and made a home there. It is a peaceful morning and Crisis was in the backyard hanging a piece of laundry on a pole. Michael, as a small chocobo hung upside down looking at Crisis "Wark?" he asked she sighed and said "Almost done." turns to 11 different poles with different clothes "11 loads of laundry for 11 people." she bends down to pick up another piece of laundry "At least I'm almost done with Vincent's laundry."
Crisis noticed something on Vincent's black boxer, as she stretched it out she saw the Batman sign on it! She stared at it in disbelief with a smile on her face //Who wears boxers like this one? // she thought to herself. As she was hanging the particular pair of Batman briefs "I just have to wonder." she started "Which side does it go on? The front or the back?" She picked up the stacked baskets and said "I'm finally done."
Former ExSOLDIER Cloud Strife, walked up to the gate "Mail's here." he said. "I'll get it!!" Red XIII replied bounding ahead of Cloud. Cloud stopped abruptly to the screams of the mailman "AUGGH! RABID DOG!! GET IT OFF ME!!" Cloud made it to see the mailman running for his life as it rained letters and magazines. He put his hand to his face and said "Red. you don't attack the mailman." Red looked up at him and replied "I couldn't help it."
"Are these our mail?" Cloud asks Red as they both picked the mail up. "I believe so." Red answered. As they walked back to the mansion, Cloud sorted through the letters "Junk mail, junk mail, chain letter, a magazine for Aeris, bills, bills." "And more bills." Red finished. Cloud continued walking and Red XIII stopped "I better give Aeris her magazine."
Red XIII stared down at one letter addressed Vincent Valentine. //Vincent rarely gets letters.// Red thought to himself. He looked right then left and held the letter up to the sun trying to read through the envelope. Crisis walked up to him and snatched the letter out of his paws "Hey! I got that first! Go read someone else's letter!" Red XIII exclaimed "Vincent Valentine. you know that you shouldn't read other peoples letters Red, because it's bad and you might get hurt for doing so." she said "Well, can I have it back?" he asked "Nope, I'm gonna go give it to Vincent." She answered and walked into the mansion. Red stared and said "I wasn't doing anything."
Once inside the mansion, you can see how much has changed. All the monsters that hunted it had been run out or kicked out of the mansion and everyone had fixed and cleaned the whole thing from ceiling to floor. The mansion had even been renovated so everyone could have a room to sleep in except Vincent still sleeps in the coffin in the basement while Xellis and Sephiroth took the library. Crisis put the laundry baskets down by the door and shouted "The laundry is out drying now! No one better go near them and dirty any ONE of the laundry or else the one who does will die horribly and their blood drained for. gruesome usage." she walked upstairs, to her room, open the secret doorway, and walked down to the basement. The basement hasn't changed at all.
As Crisis was halfway through the tunnel, Michael the chocobo walked by, she stared after him with a sweat drop "Ok." she said and went through the first door. She stopped halfway in for Xellis was in there, chanting, and trying to raise the 'five' fallen Turks and spraying chicken blood, which is actually corn syrup with red food coloring, around the room. She made chanting noises for a second before beginning her own summoning spell. "Heavens hear my request!" She stopped abruptly looking thoughtful. "Maybe I should be asking downward. Alright! Hell! Hear my request! Open the gates of hell for your ruler! Ra-ra! Ri-ri! Send those five dumb-ass TURKS back to me!" Sephiroth growled something under his breath. "Five? Which five TURKS would those be?" Xellis smacked him upside his thick head (the one on his shoulders). "Leno, Crude, Rena, Tsung, & Vincent!" Xellis said as if it were the most obvious thing in the whole universe. "GODDAMMIT, I'M STILL ALIVE!!!" Vincent, very alive & very pissed, yelled from within his coffin. "No you're not. You're in a coffin." Xellis replied slowly, so he would understand her & her seemingly 'superior' intelligence. "Then how the fuck can you hear my voice?!" Vincent retorted. "I'm insane! I hear voices all the time!" She answered him right back, rolling her eyes.
"Right." Crisis said and walked up to Vincent's coffin, she knocked on it "Sorry to bother you Vincent, but there is a letter for you." She said. After a few second of silence she repeated herself getting agitated "There's a letter for you Vincent. are you going to get out of your coffin.?" "I would if ONLY Xellis would go away!" He answered.
Crisis turned to Xellis "Will you please stop trying to bring those four back from the dead. although I like killing. I don't want to kill creatures and people to feed four more undead people." she said. Xellis turned to her and "I'm not leaving until all five TURKS are standing in front of me!" "Oh, for the love of black haired TURKS who looks sexy and red!" Crisis exclaimed.
"But I don't love black haired TURKS who looks sexy and red. I love silver haired generals who look sexy nude! " Xellis said.
Crisis shook her head with her hands over her ears "I did not need to hear that about Vincent's son! GET THE FUCK OUT SO I CAN TALK TO VINCENT AND GIVE HIM HIS DAMNED LETTER! YOU COULD BRING LENO, CRUDE, RENA, AND TSUNG BACK LATER!" Crisis shouted.
Xellis sniffed and stated to cry "You're mean! I've been waiting for ten years and you now you're telling me to wait more?!" and a torrent of tears came flying nearly straight out of her eyes. Crisis stared "..." all the while this happen, Sephiroth sat down on the floor and started polishing his masamune. "This will take a minute or two Xell. once it is done THAN you can get back to raising the TURKS." "Ok." Xellis sniffed again and wiped her eyes. "I swear. she maybe older than me. but I'm the one who acts like the oldest and mature." she muttered.
Crisis turned back to Vincent. She pushed the lid off and stared down at Vincent "You have a letter." She told him. He looked up at her "From who?" he asked "There is no return address." She answered she handed the letter to him as he sat up and he used one of his claws to open it.
After a few minutes of reading the letter, Crisis asked "What does it say?" "This might interest you Mr. Valentine, but there is an underwater laboratory off to the east of the Round Island that I want you to see. Get a submarine and go there, there is something interesting there that might surprise you." He read.
"Does it say who it is from?" "No." "Are you going to this underwater lab?" "If I am going. I will to have to ask Cloud if I could borrow the sub." "Well, if you're going, I am too." "Me too!" Xellis exclaimed and turned to Sephiroth "I'll let you play with my goodies if you go." He stood up "I'll go too." Vincent and Crisis just stared. After asking Cloud if he could borrow the sub, Cloud agrees to let him use it, but on the condition that he comes along because he's worried that it might a trap. Crisis and Xellis both turned to Michael "You're coming as well." They both said and Michael froze up and fell stiff like a board.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"What would these six find in the underwater lab? Read the next chapter to find out! Same Bat time! Same Bat channel!"
"Michael!" Crisis whacked Michael upside his head with a paper fan "That is not a good way to end a fic! And you can't steal that! It's been copyrighted!" "How 'bout this?! Next time on Crocodile Hunter!" Michael said in an Australian accent "Learn how to shove your thumb up something's butt hole!" "MICHAEEEEEEEEEEL!!!!" "Good day!" and Michael ran away.
The screen flashes to black & huge red Katakana appear on the screen. Then the announcer's voice begins to explain the preview. "Next time, on 'Gundam Gay', Wufei returns to his boyfriend, Treize's house to find him in the arms of Milliardo." The screen shows a very handsome young Chinese man with black hair coming through a door, smiling & he's in the middle of announcing he's home when he stops. The next second he's looking heartbroken, while two other very handsome men, one with swept back ginger colored hair & the other with long white blond hair, look at him with shocked & slightly fearful expressions. "Will this finally be the end of their relationship?" A huge red question mark appears over the frozen scene. "Duo & Heero continue their affair but Relena is beginning to suspect something's up." Two young men, one with a braid of chestnut colored hair & the other with an unruly head of dark brown hair, are locked in a passionate kiss in a private office. Then a woman in another office is looking angry & displeased. "Will she break them up through her tricks or will she leave Heero once & for all?" Another question mark appears over Relena's face. "And, Trowa has finally discovered his feelings for Quatre." A young man with a uni-bang of light brown hair was shown looking longingly at a youth with short platinum blond hair. "But what will he do about it? Find out next time on. 'Gundam Gay'!" A final question mark is shown over the scene before it fades to black again & the show's name is shown again in Katakana.
End of Chapter 1