Memory Tainted

by Syra Saleh

When another mysterious Defense teacher comes to Hogwarts, Severus takes it upon himself to monitor her every move. Very soon, he finds this sarcastic and witty teacher to be something other than what he expected... an equal. AN.

12. Personal Poisons

Author's Note: Ooook, so this chapter is a little late… I had it done on time though… I just had to go on vacation before I edited and posted. *nods* Yes indeed. I don't know when the last chapter (the next chapter) will be coming out. I want it to be just right, and that might take some time. Besides, these silly, short 31 paged chapters seem insufficient to me… I'm not sure how long the next one will be. I've finally got my idea for the epilogue though, so that's good… Anyway, what I'm trying to say in my roundabout manner is that I can't promise the next chapter will be out soon… maybe a month or so? However, I'll email you like always when I update. If you'd like to be emailed, put your address in your review, or leave a signed review.

Hm, this chapter really isn't too bad at all, no corruption this chapter. There is one Russian phrase in it, which means 'What are you busy doing?' If you get nothing else from this story, you will at least have a few good Russian phrases up your sleeve.

As always, I'm going to ask that you review because it really is an encouragement to keep going. I read every review I get, and I always appreciate them; they brighten my day immensely. I'd like to thank everyone who has already reviewed, it means quite a lot to me, and I'm grateful. I'd also like to give a shout out to a few people who have been reviewing for a very long time now like Frini, idrawwhales, padfootluva, and Pawzzz. You're all great, don't think your reviews go unnoticed! This chapter is dedicated to my readers, and especially the ones who have been reading for a long time now!

Oh, and for everyone concerned: This chapter and my entire story was pre-determined before Order of the Phoenix and contains very little to no spoilers for it. If you haven't read OotP, then I think you're quite safe with this story, and if you have… well, this was all conceived long before OotP hit the shelves, I hope you can enjoy it anyway. This is a 6th year fic, after all. Wow, that's a long author's note. Read, enjoy, and review!

Chapter 12: Personal Poisons

Amber, he decided. Amber and half-empty. Though if he turned his head towards the light, it was more yellow, and if he turned his head away, it was red-brown. No, amber and half-empty best described the small glass of scotch that sat on Severus Snape's desk that night.

He couldn't change the color, but he certainly could fix the amount of scotch in his glass, so he lifted the heavy container and poured a bit into his cup, then corked it and set it down. There. Now it was full. He took the glass up and sipped it, leaning back in his office chair and looking around his room. It was quite an interesting effect to see all the colors of the potion bottles blur together in a drunken stupor. What amused him even more was that the infernal clock had stopped ticking, or at least he couldn't hear it anymore. Damn that clock.

Severus had taken to drink at the beginning of July, and was continuing his nightly habit into the warm evenings of August. Having no desire to take a Sleeping Potion every night, he found scotch to be a better substitute and therefore indulged in it on the harder nights of sleep. Tonight, for some reason, was one of the hardest he had yet to endure, though he reasoned to himself that it was because a new school year was approaching… a school year with a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. The new teacher was some hotshot young man with too many opinions and too little tact not to voice them. Already Severus despised him, but it could have been anyone and he would have hated them too. He hated most everyone.

Upon pondering his hatred of humans, he took another drink from his glass then set it down, quickly sidetracked by the color of the drink. It looked yellow again, though when moved into a shadow, it looked much darker. So which was it?

Severus finished off the rest of the glass, and was on the verge of pouring himself another when he heard the door open and shut to his classroom. Therefore, Severus waited for the person to present himself at his office door.

"Severus?" called the familiar voice of Albus Dumbledore through his door.

"Come in, Headmaster," he called clearly. Dumbledore opened the door with caution, and surveyed the scene.

"Scotch, is it? Hmm," Dumbledore said, sitting in a chair across from Severus' desk.

"Indeed," replied Snape.

"And that look in your eyes tells me you've been doing more than examining the chemical properties."

"I've examined three glasses thus far. I might need a fourth to verify my findings," Severus said. He wasn't the type to act stupid when drunk, but he became quite a deal easier to talk to after a few glasses.

"I assume you won't be continuing this habit come the new school year."

"Of course not, I'll have far too much to do, and there are students meandering around at all hours of the night which I intend to interrogate."

Dumbledore chuckled. "I don't doubt you will. Oh, which reminds me, you are still up to a mission just before school starts, aren't you? I've got something that needs attending to in Germany which you might like."

"I'm very much still interested in a mission. What are we looking at, spying, investigating, meeting with someone…? Something tells me that it could be hazardous." Severus smiled faintly with the thought. He felt useful when he worked for Dumbledore, as if paying his debts for his darker past.

"It's a possibility. Spying, I suppose I would label it spying. A suspected Death Eater actually… if he is a Death Eater and proof is provided, we might be able to at least get him off the school board," Dumbledore said in a serious tone, and Severus took a sip from his glass and shook his head.

"School board? There's one more official who got past personality checks," he said tartly. "Let me guess his type; he's of old wizarding blood, his father was maybe a prominent figure of society, calling his honor into question would be an insult to the family name, etceteras."

"Why didn't you like Divinations again, Severus my boy?" asked Dumbledore with a twinkle in his eye.

"Oh it's all the same story, simple deductions. Look at my own situation. Now don't be noble and say that I turned out for the good, I've heard that rubbish before. Who exactly will I be spying on?" said Severus, tapping his long fingers on the desk in thought, forgetting his problems in the moment.

"Antonio Cragburn."

"Really? Now that actually surprised me, although now that I think about it…. Hm yes…" There was a silence as both fell into deep thought. As Severus looked down at the half-empty glass he had in his hand, he realized Dumbledore was looking at him as if thinking about something. "I'm going to assume that you did not come here to discuss my drinking or the mission though," he stated factually, and waited for the reply.

"In a way, I did," said Dumbledore casually. "The reason for your drinking, at any rate."

"It's really not necessary," he said, his volume dropping considerably.

"There seems to be a few indications to me that it needs to be brought up." Dumbledore leaned back in his chair, his arms folded across his chest. "You're holding one of them."

Severus set his glass down quickly. "It's of no matter now," he answered indifferently.

"For something that has ceased to matter, it does keep resurfacing in your mind, doesn't it?"

"No," he lied stiffly. "What has happened between Ms. Talin and myself is over, and there is no need to discuss it."

Dumbledore gave him a stern quizzical look over his half-moon spectacles.

Severus broke eye contact. "When a new situation presents itself, I'll deal with it accordingly… but until that time…"

"…you will continue living half a life?" Dumbledore filled in for him. "That's what you're doing, living half a life hiding out in these dungeons, locking yourself in every night. The other half of you is in Moscow, living half a life as well."

Severus laughed an unhappy laugh. "My gloomy presence is not missed around the castle, Dumbledore. And I doubt she's living half a life, she's free from my tyranny and bitterness." He took a drink from his glass.

Dumbledore gave him a hard look. "I do not believe she views it quite like that. She was rather somber when she wrote to me last, a month or so ago to tell me she wasn't coming to the meeting. I don't think she's as happy as you envision."

"She will be, in time." He stared absently at his cup. "Even though our parting was not, erm, pleasant, she will move on eventually…"

"You know, it was quite natural of you to feel as afraid as you were," Dumbledore said quite plainly. Severus looked up at him sharply, then looked away, and began rolling the glass between his palms. "You needn't be so ashamed of it, it's just how one reacts to it that defines the fear. You still have the chance to act."

"No, it's highly unlikely that I do," Severus replied. "You don't know what was said-"

"And what you could still say is important. You have a choice that has to be made in the next few days, before school starts and before this mission, as to whether you let her go and continue on without her, or you whether you go back and fix what is broken."

Severus shook his head, still looking quite stiff and uncomfortable. "If it were that easy… but it's probably for the better, for her, if we just…stopped, I suppose."

"You're too hard on yourself!" Dumbledore said, and Severus was surprised to hear him laugh. "Don't let the sunshine depress you, let yourself enjoy it."

Of course he has to sound wise with his cryptic sunshine analogies, thought Severus moodily to himself. I do wonder if he'd be making the same analogy if I weren't so pale. Everyone thinks Dumbledore to be so kindly, but there are times when I swear he is mocking me. Severus simply nodded and fiddled with a quill on his desk now.

"Come now, Severus, you'd best get to bed. It's near one o'clock as it is!" said Dumbledore as he offered him a hand to help him stand. Severus took it with difficulty (having perhaps a glass or two more than he should have), and stood. He felt a phial being pressed into his hand, and Severus held it up to the light and looked at it.

"Hmm, Hangover Concoction," Severus said flatly.

"I believe you have a visitor tomorrow, who sends news you might want to concentrate on. Perhaps this will help," he answered, and though Severus wanted to ask who it was, he let the topic alone and said his goodbyes respectfully. He then took to his rooms and collapsed into bed with little energy to do anything else.

~

It was uncomfortably cold as snow poured down around Severus, who clutched his cloak tighter to him to stop it from flapping in the darkness. He had been wandering for several days, and felt the tired and hungry pangs of travel weigh him down. Through the bitter wind and thick snow he trudged on, until he finally fell to his knees with no strength to carry on. Suddenly, a light flooded into his vision, and he winced as its powerful beams washed over his unready eyes.

Somewhat blindly, he stood and stumbled forward towards the light, hoping to find someone who could at least point him to the nearest town and maybe put a roof over his head for the night. Instead, he found a window in a small, rundown house that someone had lit a lamp in, which illuminated the room and a scene before his eyes.

It was Cassi in that barren, broken down room, sitting on the floor and quite round with child. Severus put his hand to the window absently as if to pet her, for she looked in desperate need of comfort. Indeed, she was rocking back and forth without thought, staring at the floor in a dreamy sort of way. As Severus came to his senses and nearly tapped the glass, another figure entered the room. He was a tall, muscular man with an angry gait and an irate face. Once in the room, he spied Cassi and pulled her off the floor and to her feet by jerking her arm up. Through the window, he heard the man screaming at her, over and over insulting her until she had been reduced to tears and he, now satisfied, stomped out of a door that led to the outside. She sunk to the floor again, shaking and crying, and still rocking back and forth. Having seen quite enough, Severus pulled away from the window and started around the house to find the door the man had exited. At the front of the small shack was the peeling door, with no sign of the man now. Boldly, Severus opened the door and walked inside, cold, frozen, and wet from the snow.

"Cassi," he said softly, and her crying stopped in a gasp as she looked up at him in amazement. He walked to her and knelt beside her, his hands running through her hair and over her cheeks lovingly, tracing bruises with a sharp pain to his heart. "Who is he?"

"A Death Eater," she choked in a raspy voice, one that has been strained with repeated crying. "Don't let him catch you here."

He took her hand gently in his own. "Let's leave," he said quietly, and she nodded and let him help her stand. Her arms were around him in a second, and he gripped her tightly as her face buried in his neck, tears soaking into his torn collar. "Don't cry, it's alright now."

It was about this time that he became acutely aware that something was pressing into his shoulder, something sturdy that was poking against his bones. He drew back from her to find a dagger shoved through her shoulder, and her eyes lifted from the floor to his before she fell against him, paling almost instantly. He caught her and knelt, looking at the dagger and the wound as blood blossomed onto her robes and split onto his hand.

"I wish I hadn't left," she said in a small, choked voice.

"Don't think about that, you'll be fine," he managed, though he made no move to help her, for no move was to be made. He stroked her hair and pulled her closer, stunned and confused while saddened nonetheless. There was nothing to do but watch her suffer as he hopelessly comforted her with soft words. Finally she smiled bravely at him and led his hand to pat his unborn child, then flashed her smile again, going limp. He laid her on the ground, horrified and broken far more than she.

He was then transported, it seems, to a place of total darkness, except for one thing that glowed brightly: a small child. He approached a small girl, with raven hair and swirling eyes, the perfect image of her mother.

"My mother died," she said quietly, in a sad, melodic voice. She bordered on panic as she fidgeted and wrung her hands.

"I know," he replied with difficulty.

"Did you? How would you know?" she inquired with curiosity.

"I… was there."

"Oh," she sniffled. " W-what's your name?"

Unable to tear his eyes off this small child, he replied, "Severus Snape."

"I don't know you, who are you?" she child cried out into the echoing darkness with distress. The words bounced around the room, striking him harshly.

"I believe… I believe I'm your father," he murmured with amazement. It had to have been the strangest thing that had passed his lips in the history of his life.

"No you're not! I don't have a father! My father left! He wouldn't have let mother die!" she screamed, covering her ears with her hands. Severus stood, rooted to the spot in shock.

Severus awoke from this nightmare in a cold sweat, shaking slightly. When he came to his senses and realized nothing from it was real, and it had all been a bad dream as a byproduct of his conversation with Dumbledore mingled with the effects of the alcohol, he relaxed slightly and shook his head. He had had worse nightmares, but he was having problems shaking the image of that small child.

Unnerved, he stood to wash his face in the bathroom. He really must stop taking these dreams so seriously, they were just pictures his mind put together at random. And yet, each was his worst fears relived again and again. Sometimes the nights were as hard as the days, and he thought this to himself wistfully as he splashed cold water onto his face in the sink.

In the morning, he reawakened with a pounding headache and a general feeling of illness. Groggily, he threw the twisted covers back and withdrew from bed at a slow pace to the bathroom, where he immediately downed the phial Dumbledore had given him the night before. Very quickly, his headache lessened and he began to feel normal again, so he got dressed for the day, wearing his frock-coat and pants to look slightly more formal than his casual robes for this mystery person that he was to meet today.

He grumbled all the way to breakfast, hoping that this person was worth the effort of breaking out of his miserable reverie to converse with another human. He was certain that reading out of his stack of books in his room was far more productive than what anyone had to say to him, but if it was for Dumbledore, then of course he would do it.

Barely touching his toast or eggs, Severus picked his way through the meal, not really as hungry as he was thirsty. He drank his goblet of water (his preference in the mornings now) with respectful silence, and listened to the other teachers talk. McGonagall was discussing the mailing list with Dumbledore, Flitwick was squeakily listening to Trelawny and Vector have it out about a 'prediction' of hers, and Madame Hooch was trying to convince Madame Pomfrey that Quidditch wasn't really as dangerous as it seems, at the school anyway. Everyone acted as they usually did, and he was grateful they did not bother him, especially when he put up his normal aloof façade that they all knew him by. He wasn't fooling himself though, his reflection showed this more with each passing week.

His black eyes had lost their spark and had become fathomless dark tunnels that led to nowhere visible. Underneath his eyes, dark shadows made his late nights obvious to everyone, and his cheeks were sunken into his bones, making his already thin face look gaunt. He made no effort with his hair or shaving, and therefore took on the look of a man with much distress, but nothing to do about it. At this point, Severus did not care about his appearance; it was the least of his worries.

He was sitting back in his chair, pondering this, when Dumbledore stood and left the table, walking in his steady manner towards the doors. Severus shook his head and stood quickly, catching up to the Headmaster with ease and walking with him out of the room and out of earshot.

"Good morning, Severus. I trust you feel better?" asked Dumbledore in a friendly way.

"I do, thank you," he mumbled, not liking to talk about his nightly habits. "Erm Dumbledore, about this person coming to see me…"

"Oh yes indeed! He should be here around lunchtime. I told him you would be in your dungeon more than likely, and he would be able to find you there," Dumbledore said calmly.

"Yes, I suppose that will be correct. I don't expect you could bring any clarity to the subject we're to discuss? Or whom I will be discussing it with?"

Dumbledore smiled and put a hand on Snape's shoulder. "Sometimes good things happen in strange manners."

"And something tells me you're being meddlesome again," Severus remarked dryly, and Dumbledore laughed.

"Too right, my boy! Too right! You'll find it all out soon enough. In the meantime, you can look over the details of your trip. There's a packet on your desk outlining a few things and some background information," he answered, and Severus perked up some. "You leave in one week." They had reached the stairs, Dumbledore shook his hand at the foot of it and headed upwards, while Severus turned to go back to his dungeons, his curiosity now sparked to see what exactly Dumbledore had in store for him.

With the promise of something to occupy his mind, he speedily made his way back to his dungeons, using as many shortcuts as he knew. Trying not to look at things that brought to mind memories, he flew down the stairs and hallway, then into his classroom. Once in, he shut the door behind himself, looked over his immaculate room, and strode over to his desk. There sat the packet in a plain folder, right next to his quill and grade book. Severus sat down in his chair and picked it up, beginning to leaf through it.

It was simple enough really. Dumbledore had compiled a list of reasons as to his suspicions against Cragburn, and certain evidences against him. It then had a fairly detailed character analysis of him, as well as an overview of his history and family's history. The next few pages were composed of the man's said 'usual habits' in the German town where he stayed in the summers, with a list of other places he has been seen. It then had a list of objectives to find about this man, and he had to complete as many as possible without being suspected. To Severus' satisfaction, some of these objectives were actually a challenge, and he began to organize ways of obtaining the information needed. Usually he could get the information from the people around him without actually coming into contact with the person or raiding their apartment, but some of these would be trickier. Before he started giving thought to his tactics, he took a trip to the library and checked out a few books to get ideas out of, and a few to trace back Cragburn's family history. He wanted a better idea of the man, besides what he knew from the paper; it helped to grasp this man's motives.

From the book and the papers, it seemed Cragburn was born into the family mold. His father before him was prestigious and generous in donations, and held a high seat in the Ministry of Magic. During the reign of Voldemort, he was called into question on his loyalties to the Dark side, but was never convicted of anything solid. He climbed back through the ranks of society after that tainting period, and his accusations seemed to disappear from the memory of society. His son was raised in his father's footsteps, and took an interest in the school from his early adult years. He donated money to the school and promoted it as much as possible on his travels, and was considered a Light side advocate from the beginning. However, he was a secretive man, and though he participated in societal events, he never discussed personal undertakings. Through the years, and even after being elected to the school board, he kept to himself, though dark rumors were kept at bay through large donations.

Severus studied this information, reading the papers over and over in preparation for his trip. He was beginning to take notes on the subject, and was nearly finished with the book's given information when he realized that it was approaching noon. Absorbed in his new task, he decided to skip lunch and continue on with his work, neatly writing down everything that could help him in a well-organized manner.

He had nearly forgotten that he was to meet with Dumbledore's guest around this time, but was sharply reminded when a loud knock was heard from the door and reverberated around the room. Sighing and slightly annoyed at the disturbance, Severus called for the person to enter while he finished up his section. When Severus looked up shortly after the door was shut to see who it was, it was to his utmost displeasure to find that it was in fact Sirius Black.

"What are you doing here?" asked Severus coldly. "I'm expecting someone, go find someone else to exasperate."

"I would be the person you're expecting. Dumbledore sent me," Sirius answered. He looked better from when the last time he had been seen as a dog on the night of Hagrid's funeral. His face was less skeletal and his hair trimmed again, though he still looked like a vagrant to Severus.

Severus put down his quill slowly and glared. "On Dumbledore's behalf, I'm giving you half a minute to explain yourself, and then you may turn around and leave quietly."

"I've been to see Cassi," Sirius said in a dangerous tone.

"And your half a minute is up. Out!" Severus said sharply.

"I'm not leaving until I'm done talking, Snape, so you're going to listen to everything I've got to say," Sirius seethed furiously. "I went to see Cassi yesterday. I finally coaxed out of her why she was in Russia and not magically bound to your side-"

Severus leapt to his feet, his hair falling in his face with his quick movements. He pushed his hair out of his eyes quickly with one hand. "Black, I am not jesting! Get-"

"But you know what?" Sirius said in an offhand voice now, his arms folded across his chest. "I don't suppose it much matters anymore. She's actually quite well situated there. She has a decent job, lives in a nice apartment, and is a lot happier than I've seen her with you-"

A fleeting look of shock crossed his face, replaced by burning anger. "If you want all your limbs intact I suggest you leave immediately!"

"-And word on the street is that she's seeing the shop manager actually. I saw him, he seems well off, genial really. They seem to have hit it off fantastically. It's amazing what one can achieve in so little time." Sirius was still speaking in a cool manner, but his eyes bored into him with severity. There was a very tense pause as Severus looked at him with bewilderment mixed with fury.

"You are lying!" Severus hissed, pointing at Black with a long delicate finger. "You've no idea what you're saying!"

"Don't I?"

"God damn you Sirius Black! You're a liar!"

"I thought that's what you wanted to hear, Severus Snape. I thought you wanted to hear that she was perfectly fine and had moved on magnificently. I thought you wanted to hear that she'd forgotten all about you and was making a better place for herself. Maybe it would make you feel less guilty about moving on if she did-"

Severus was irate at this point; having his hatred for Black mingled with his frustration with Cassi in one conversation did not work well with his temper. "You don't know what the hell you're meddling in!" he shouted, moving around to the side of his desk.

"I know it well enough. Cassi did not want to talk about a lot of it, and quite honestly I don't blame her, because from what I've figured out, it's not good. So what did you say to her in that classroom, Snape? She went deathly pale when I mentioned it, " he said, just as furiously as Snape had spoken, though with the grating confidence he was known for.

"This is none of your business, what happened between her and I STAYS that way!"

"Oh it is my business, it is. I told you to take care of her, and you can't even do that. Is there someone else Snape? Was she not good enough for Your Majesty? Or were you just bored with her? I've never seen you drop a girl so fast," Sirius said with a sneer, but he had barely gotten it out of his mouth before Severus threw a punch at him, connecting with Sirius' jaw. He stumbled backwards a step, then started forward and arrested Snape's collar, throwing him back. Severus lost his balanced, but grabbed onto Sirius' robes and pulled him down too, causing both of them to tumble to the ground hard, still fighting to silence the other. "Come now Severus, surely I didn't step on your feelings, you haven't any!" he taunted.

Severus grabbed onto Sirius' robes with both fists and held him down, his eyes glittering with anger and his mind racing. "I love her, Black. I love her more than you'll ever love anyone, or anyone will ever love you. Don't so much as insinuate that I felt anything less or the Headmaster will find himself one spy short."

"Then why the hell did you let her go?" he said, dropping the cruel tones and pushing Severus' grip away to sit up.

"She wanted to go, and I didn't blame her for wanting to go. Now I don't want to talk about this anymore," he said sternly.

"No, we're finishing this," Sirius said, and grabbed his sleeve and jerked him back down when Severus tried to stand. He shoved Severus violently and Severus shoved back, but before he could punch him again, Sirius struck him on the cheekbone with his fist. Severus' retaliation was to knock Sirius on the side of his head so he would fall over, but Sirius ducked it and dove at Severus, pinning him to the ground. "Do you want to know the truth, hmm? The truth about how Cassi really lives?"

Severus just glared, but Sirius took his silence for assent.

"Cassi lives in a short-lease apartment for both Muggles and wizards. In order for her to get to the magical floor, she walks up four flights of stairs. Her rent is cheap, and for a good reason, because I can't say when I've seen a worse building. However, it's near her shop, where she works as a Muggle for barely enough money to pay rent and eat, though I really doubt if she does the latter. She insists she does, but I wonder; she's thin as a rail Severus, and she looks like she hasn't slept well in months, which is probably the truth. She doesn't want to talk about you, what happened, the baby, or herself. She is wasting away from grief." Sirius kept Severus pinned to the floor, but he hardly needed to by the end of his tale. Severus had sunk back and closed his eyes with a grimace, but when Sirius said his last few words, his eyes reopened as slits of anger.

"Why do you tell me these things? What makes you think I wanted to know that?" he shouted.

"So you're saying you don't care?"

"Just like a Black to put words in my mouth. No, I'm saying that I'm living in hell already, there's no need to twist the knife except for your own pleasure."

Sirius growled furiously and gave Severus another shove against the floor. "Why can't either of you accept the fact that you love each other? My God, I've never met a more perfect but difficult couple. Severus Snape, for once in your miserable, worthless life I am trying to help you by not letting you screw this up. Normally, I would laugh at your misfortune because I do that really well, but this time is different. This is my payment to you for saving Harry; I'm going to beat some sense into that thick ugly skull of yours. Severus, she loves you, you are her air, and lately you've been suffocating her. You love her too and you know it, you think more of her footprint in the mud than you do of all your disturbing potions bottles and books. Why the hell are you throwing this out?"

Severus pushed him away roughly and sat up, leaning back on his hands. "I don't think you could understand-"

"I understand enough to know you're screwing this up. Yeah, she could have told you sooner, but it took enough nerve from her to say it at all. She was scared, just like you are-"

"I'm not-"

"Bullshit. Don't start that. Look, if I were you, I'd be begging her on bent knees to take me back and hoping to God she's more forgiving than I am of you. I wouldn't blame her if she wasn't, not one bit. But, then again, if I were in your position, I would have never let her leave. So here's what's going to happen: I'm going to leave now, and you're going to figure out a way get her back so I can be absolutely disgusted with your obvious infatuation with each other. Clear?"

Severus stood up stiffly, and did not say a word. Sirius did the same.

"This is my repayment, I don't like being in your debt. It bothers me greatly. And don't think I would have done this if it was some other girl; Cassi's special, and why the hell she's given you more than a second glance I'll never know. I'm leaving now, goodbye," said Sirius, and without another word, he swept out of the room.

Severus touched his cheek and winced, then thought of something and bounded through the room and to his door, following Sirius stealthily as he climbed up the stairs. From the foot of the stair, he heard two voices above.

"Merlin's beard, I suppose he didn't take it well." That was Dumbledore.

"Oh, he'll be fine. He listened well enough."

"Haven't I told you for years upon years that you don't get people to listen to you if you beat them up?"

Sirius laughed. "He listens better when you're fighting him. Now if you don't mind Professor, I feel the need to go wash my hands… thoroughly. Unfortunately fighting involves physical contact…"

The voices faded down the hall, and Severus crossed his arms and stalked back to his room, sitting back at his desk and returning to his work, letting papers and notes consume him by day, and deep thoughts and dark dreams by night.

~

It appeared to Albus Dumbledore that Severus Snape had not taken Sirius' advice though, for the next few days were the same as the past weeks. Severus was seen only a few times, taking his meals in his rooms and occasionally slipping outside when he was sure no one was looking. Severus was worse than a shadow, for he was absent regardless of sun or clouds. The other teachers talked about him in piteous voices around the fire of the staff room, relaying to each other that they thought it would have worked out rather nicely if she had stayed, but her sudden flight seemed to dissolve any chance of her relations to Severus. Albus wasn't worried too much though, because he knew that Severus would come around in his own time, he always did. He was not sure, however, how this delay would affect the other person in this party.

It was on a bright Friday morning that Dumbledore decided to settle down with a cup of tea and a book and read a bit, taking a break from the numerous owls he had received letters from that morning. His tea was especially tasty, as it was mint tea, which he found quite soothing. The book was just something the library had received through a donation, so he picked it up to look at. He barely had time to enjoy his silence before he heard the gargoyle slide open down the hall, and running footsteps approach his door. He set down his tea on its saucer in expectation.

It was Severus who burst through the door, breathless and looking rather pale. "Albus," he panted in his most professional voice. "What is Cassi's address?"

Smiling, Dumbledore opened a drawer and handed him the slip of parchment Cassandra had given to him the day she left. "Is something wrong?" he asked, now trying not to smile.

"Yes, I've been foolish. Where's the Apparating safe point in Moscow?" he asked quickly.

Dumbledore pointed to a map on the wall, and Severus took a step, looked at it, and then shoved the paper into his pocket.

"You've three days until your mission, Severus."

"Exactly. I'll be back here in twelve days," he said hurriedly, then bound out of the room.

"Good luck," Dumbledore whispered to the door. "Love is a powerful thing, isn't it Fawkes?" The magnificent bird in the corner squawked. "Indeed…"

~

"Cassi! Chem ty seychas zanimaeshsya?"

"When? Tonight?" Cassi answered her co-worker, a small girl of about twenty who was folding clothes to put back on the shelf.

"Yes tonight. My friends and I are going to a club, want to come?" asked the girl.

"Me in a club? Oh please," she answered. "Could you honestly see me in a club?"

"It would be fun! And you might meet someone!" said the girl, walking over to Cassi's counter and begging her with clasped hands.

"Meet someone, ha. Maybe next week. Or year." Cassi grinned winningly, and the girl sighed. "I'm taking my dinner break now, I'll see you in half an hour." Cassi hopped off her stool and waved, then bolted out the door. Turning to her first left, she walked down an alleyway, and ducked into a bookstore. The owner winked at her and then nodded to the back of the store, and she bowed her head and walked through a short hallway that repelled Muggles, then stepped through a door. The sun shone in its evening rays as she closed it behind her and looked down a small street.

It was the wizarding block of the city, though very small compared to the Muggle's territory. Most Russian witches and wizards lived out in the forest, not daring to come out after centuries of repression. However, the braver ones who moved to the city stayed in this area normally, totally Muggle-free and able to live out a peaceful life. Cassi came here from time to time to keep in contact with magical peoples, for she did not like the life of a Muggle. Today, she was going to try to eat a small dinner here, and enjoy being amongst magical people.

In her Muggle clothes of black pants and a white tank top, she felt out of place amongst the old traditional robes of the wizards around her, but knew they understood that some of the people in here made their living in Muggle jobs. Cassi skirted around the crowd of people in front of the narrow shops, and came to a small café about halfway down the street.

She stepped into it and approached the counter, where the cashier took her order for a salad and a bottle of water. Once she had paid and received her food, she took a small table in the corner of the café and looked out the window as she ate, something of a habit she had now. Watching the people on the street was her pastime, for she was having her fun playing deduction games with them as they walked.

First she watched an elderly witch peer around the street, looking confused. She was obviously from the country, and only came to town a few times a year. Her family was an older wizarding family, for the bracelet the woman had on was not made this century, but several centuries ago, though very true to the Russian style of that era. Being as poor as the woman (told by the state of her robes) was, she would never be able to afford a bracelet like that. The woman liked Divinations, for her bag was from the fortune telling shop just down the way. Cassi gave her a harder look as she talked with a storeowner. The witch waved her hands in a small, impatient way and pulled herself to her full height as she spoke. Cassi returned to her food as she noted that the woman was proud too.

Cassi looked up and watched another person. This was a teenage boy of about medium height who was strolling around, not looking at anything really except passing people. He was rather gangly for his height, with dark hair and brown eyes, but he walked with an air of confidence. She watched him interact with the people around him as he proudly nodded and smiled at everyone. There was something about him thought that made her uneasy… she realized what it was and dropped her eyes to her salad, concentrating on her food now. He walked proudly, as Severus did about the school. She bit her lip now and scowled at her food. Why did he always have to penetrate her thoughts? Why wasn't she over it by now?

With the month that followed her departure, Cassi had kept herself busy by getting herself settled, but come nightfall, she was forcibly reminded of the deep hole she felt in her heart without Severus. Hardening, she made herself stop thinking about him by telling herself sternly every night that she was a fool. Even still, she seemed to see him in people on the streets… one day a man would have his hands, another day one would set black eyes upon her, another would sneer at someone with his mouth, and so the list went on. As much as she had hidden herself, it seemed as if he was following her, sure to torment her to the end of her days, never letting her have the release she wanted or the peace she needed. A few days ago, Sirius had come to her, asking questions and seeming concerned, and though she appreciated his company, her bitterness was sealed as she felt that he was a strong reminder of everything she had wanted to forget; Hogwarts, Dumbledore, teaching, and above all, Severus.

What she wouldn't give to forget how she wronged him! The guilt that she harbored inside herself grew and grew, eating away at her very soul, taking painful bites out of her peace of mind, to the point where she had to stop it lest it drive her to madness. She remembered a night when she turned her wand to her temple and attempted a Memory Charm on herself, but no wand will work against its master as she wanted it to. In her anger, she threw down her wand and stormed off to look up memory potions, but found none of them to be safe for her in her condition. Her frustration that night peaked, and she threw herself crying into bed, and had not shed a tear since that early July night. Since then, the memories of his frustrations while she hid the truth from him and his anger when he found out only came into her mind when she seemed in danger of being at ease, thus keeping her resentment constant.

She pushed all her regret, doubt, and fear out of her mind now, as it made her sick at the thought, and sick was not something she needed to be. Concentrating, she ate her salad quickly and finished off her water, throwing them away and standing up. She had a few minutes, so she could take her time walking back to the shop. Folding her arms, she started off down the alley towards the exit, walking slowly and looking around. Hoards of people milled around and jostled her, but she kept walking, seemingly untouched and untroubled by them, thinking hard to herself.

When she reached the end of the alley, she took a step to the door, but was arrested by a firm grip on her arm. In half a second, she turned to the person who grabbed her and made a motion for her dagger (magically Concealed at her side), but the person grabbed her hand and pushed it away from her weapon, then held her still. She finally looked up at the person, and felt as if she was slapped in the face by what she saw.

Severus Snape had grabbed both her arms and was peering down at her with an unreadable expression. He looked completely haggard, for his hair was stringy and fell in his unshaven, thin face, and the dark circles under his eyes made his intense expression all the more powerful. His dull black eyes cast over her, and she thought she saw pain flicker in them. Cassi stopped struggling and stared up at him in total shock. A moment later, she composed herself and glared.

"Cassi," he said, somewhat hoarsely. "I've been looking for you."

"Well you've found me, now let me go so I can go back to work," she said, ice creeping into her voice.

"Cassi, I need to speak with you," he said, a strength coming back into his words.

"I think you and I've both said enough." She pulled herself out of his grip suddenly and walked to the door, but he followed her. Both walked through the door hurriedly, but rushed for different reasons.

"I did not say what I meant to say," he whispered to her as she walked down the hallway. She didn't reply until they were out of the empty bookstore and onto the pavement. Then, she turned on him in the shadowed alleyway.

"No but you meant what you said, Snape. Look, I don't know why you're here, but I've got a job to attend to and I'd appreciate it if you left me alone," she said harshly, and turned to leave.

"I'll be waiting for you when you're done then," he said with sincerity, catching up to her again as she strode out of the alleyway.

"No, you won't." She turned to him again, but he was gone. Looking around, she wondered if she had lost her mind and quickly raced back to her shop. Pushing open the glass door and hearing a bell jingle above it, she shook her head firmly and took her place behind the cash register. Just when she had put her a hand through her hair, her coworker called out to her from a nearby clothes rack.

"Hey Cassi? There was a guy who came around here looking for you," Sabina said, the young coworker who had asked her to the club earlier.

Cassi groaned. "What did he look like?" she asked, knowing the answer already.

The girl stepped away from the rack and put a hand on her hip. "Um, let's see. He was really tall, wore a black shirt and pants, kind of scruffy looking… he didn't seem really friendly. He came right in and asked for a Cassi Tolin or Talin in English so I had to ask him to speak slowly so I could understand, and then I said that the only Cassi I knew that spoke English was Cassi Ivanova, and he asked me to describe you. I said you were about my height, longish black hair, kept to yourself. He wanted to know where you were, I said I didn't know, you went wherever you pleased. He kind of growled and walked out. You've gotten awfully pale, Cassi, are you alright?" she replied, making hand motions as she talked in a conversational way, then coming over to Cassi's post and patting her on the shoulder.

"Oh I'm fine," she said, nodding.

"So… he's your boyfriend?" Sabina asked carefully.

"Not at all."

"Ex?"

"Mm, you could say that I suppose. Yes." Cassi was aching and confused now, and really wished to leave and go home, but she still had two hours left for her shift. She rubbed her temple.

"He's not dangerous or anything, is he?" the girl asked.

"Him?" she laughed weakly. "Only when he has to be." Cassi smirked then took on a hardened blank expression but the girl gave her a weird look and shook her head.

"You've got strange tastes," Sabina said before she walked off to put clothes back on the rack. Cassi sighed.

She spent the next two hours in angry misery. The last thing she wanted to happen had happened, and it now consumed her. She didn't want Severus here, it hurt too much to look into his melancholy face and know what she had done and what he had said. She had thought that when July came and went with no word from him that she was surely out of contact with him permanently, and as the school year drew closer her chances of seeing him were less and less. But now he was here, and at what a strange time to come. The thought made Cassi rap her fingers on her counter in exasperation.

She worried about what he was doing here. If he had thought up more furious things to say, she would hear them with her stony silence and then send him on his way, for she deserved them. Another thought, one she had been suppressing for awhile now but could no longer successfully hide, occurred to her. What if he had come back to work out custody of their baby? The thought was too awful for her to endure, so she pushed it away, but that horrible creeping feeling seeped into her mind whenever she was trying to work.

People filed up to her register and made their purchases, Cassi working very quietly and not very enthusiastically. Her movements were memorized and quick and her replies were dull. Very soon, she felt like some odd machine rather than an actual human but was rather envious of machines, for they felt nothing.

It was with a embittered heart that Cassi locked the register up and left the shop when night had fallen, somewhat annoyed at the prospect of possibly running into him again. She halfway expected him to jump out and grab her for a second time, but nothing like that happened on her way home. As she walked to her nearby apartment, she kept throwing glances over her shoulder, peering back into empty dark sidewalks. Shaking her head and deeming herself paranoid, she continued along her short but familiar path home, finally reaching her old, slate gray building and pushing the door open. A narrow stairway was the first thing she saw upon entering the cramped lobby, but she started up it immediately, having quite a few flights of stairs to go before reaching her floor. The stairs were not a problem really, though she had often wondered how she was going to manage them in a few months time. Perhaps she would find somewhere to Apparate up to her floor, or some similar means. The winding stairs continued under her feet, until she saw the sign that indicated the fifth floor. Walking down a short hallway, she approached the man behind a counter, a nosy American who sat about, took rent, and only thought of Quidditch.

"Any messages?" she said in clear English. The balding man pointed down the hallway at her door, where there stood a dark figure. Snape was leaning on her doorframe and smirking.

"I figure he's got something for you. He wouldn't let me get rid of him," the man said gruffly.

"There are times when I wonder if you are a wizard or not, Mr. Day," she muttered, a troubled look crossing her face.

"You want me to get rid of him?" Day asked, puffing up and looking more like the overweight man that he was rather than the formidable man he wanted to be.

"You wouldn't be able to anyway, he might as well stay," she said, and she left the counter and walked to her room, pulling a key from her pocket and not looking at Severus.

"Cassi, do you get the Daily Prophet here?" Severus asked as she unlocked her door and stepped inside, now in a position to slam the door in his face.

The question caught her off her guard, so she stopped herself from doing so. "No, I don't want connection with English matters anymore."

He blinked once in surprise but acknowledgement of her desire to stay out of England's business. "You haven't heard anything about these Death Eater attacks then?" He was beginning to sound more official than compassionate as he spoke of politic happenings. She stared at him for a moment, leaning on her door. The dingy hallway lamp that hung over his head illuminated him like a glowing spirit framed in the scenery of a dilapidated building. She shook her head.

"No, but I'm not surprised, Death Eaters often attack people," she replied stiffly.

"No Cassi, there are attacks on Death Eaters. Former Death Eaters. I see a few of them every week, it seems anti-Darkness feelings have been re-aimed at attainable targets; those who used to serve the Dark Lord but do not anymore," he said, now crossing his arms.

"You can take care of yourself," she coldly replied, and he raised an eyebrow. "Oh fine, I know you're meaning to look after me, but British problems always die out farther east, and no one besides our Defense group knows I was a Death Eater anyway." Her voice dropped considerably as she talked, for Mr. Day was leaning over his counter and looking at the two talking, Severus still leaning on the doorframe, and Cassi leaning in from behind her ajar door.

"This is what I came to talk to you about," he said, his volume lower too. "Pierre from our meetings has not been responding to letters from Dumbledore, and though sources say he's still home, it's been unsettling to our group. If he sells us out, people will know who you are."

Cassi blinked. "I wouldn't put it past him to sell us out. However, even if everyone in Britain returns to scorning my name and tainting my reputation, I'm still fine here in Russia."

Severus dug into his pocket and produced a neatly folded newspaper article. "Remember Madron Argos?"

"Yes, she was a snooty little thing," Cassi said, taking the paper from Snape and opening it to find a small box circled in red on it. She read it quickly. "Murdered and found under a bridge… mob… Latvia? What was she doing in Latvia?"

"Honestly, I've no clue, but as far as we could tell she had yet to go back to the Dark Lord. Anti-Death Eater feelings are very high at this point; people are feeling helpless," he said, taking the paper from her hand gently and tucking it back in her pocket.

"Alright, so I'll be careful," she said, holding his gaze firmly.

"You'll be more than careful," he said, dropping his voice again and reaching out to push a lock of hair behind her ear, then trace her jaw line with his fingertips. Cassi closed her eyes for the briefest of moments, then opened them with her eyebrows raised, taking his hand down from her face and pushing it against him.

"Are Death Eater attacks the reason you're here?" she asked.

"No," he said cautiously. "… no. I've come here because I've been foolish and wrong, and I've lost something very valuable to me."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, in a voice barely above a whisper, trying to cling to her coldness.

He closed his eyes and dropped his head down some, allowing a bitter sneer at himself to spread across his face. "Oh, don't insult your intelligence. You. Your trust. Your respect. Your love. My own stupidity kept me from realizing I had these things until I had lost them. These past few months have been, well, agony, worsened by the thought that I could have prevented this from the beginning." He spoke with difficulty, pausing from time to time to collect himself.

There was a great silence as both thought over what was said. "It hasn't been all flowers and pixies here, but it's better this way. Better if we just stopped," she said, ending her sentence with shut eyes and a firm attitude, and closing the door. He put a hand on the door to stop it from shutting.

"No! I thought so too, but it's not that simple. Let me talk to you," he said quietly.

"I can't risk hurting you again…or getting hurt again, Snape," she said, her eyes widening at her own words. She looked away quickly, then slammed the door shut with a pronounced bang. The next sounds he heard were the click of a lock and the sliding sound of a chain.

"Don't call me that," he said to the door, and stepped back from it.

"Tough luck, man," said the man at the counter. Severus glared over at him, then sighed and leaned back against the opposite wall, sliding down it and sitting on the ground. He had almost had her when he touched her jaw; she would be tougher than he thought.

Listening closely, he thought he heard a soft sound from behind her door. He leaned closer, and distinctly heard the soft sighs and gasps of her crying. Dejected, he leaned back against the wall and remained there all night, not daring to stray for fear that she would leave and he would have to track her again.

"Dammit! Leave me alone, I've told you enough times that you're not good enough, Severus! No!" she slapped him hard across his face and stormed out angrily, so all he could do was stand there.

Severus woke up abruptly from his dream, shaking his head hard and rubbing his eyes. Damn it all, he had to stop dreaming these things. He'd be half-insane by the time school started if he kept this up. Slowly, he pushed himself off the ground to stand and stretch out his muscles. He hated sleeping on the floor, it made his back ache. He paced around the hall to stretch out, then returned to sitting on the floor, waiting for her to come out. She had to, eventually.

Sure enough, half an hour later, she peeked out her door and spied Severus leaning against the wall with his legs crossed and his hands clasped in his lap, patiently waiting.

"Has Professor Severus Snape sunk so low that he slept in my hallway?" she asked, lifting an eyebrow and putting a hand on her hip.

"It appears to be so," he replied simply, looking up at her.

"So if I don't come out of my apartment all day…"

"I'll still be right here."

"And if I do go out…."

"I'll follow you."

Cassi rolled her eyes up to the ceiling with impatience. "I hardly need you sitting in front of my door, stalking me," she replied sternly.

"Then hear what I have to say," he said.

She growled to herself. "Maybe later. At least come in and eat something, I'll not be responsible for your starvation." She pushed her rickety door open and dramatically gestured for him to come, so he pushed himself away from the wall and stood again to walk into her apartment.

Black hadn't been exaggerating, the flat was small. When Severus came in, he found himself in a cramped living space. An old, threadbare sofa sat in front of a window and a chair was pulled up near it, looking just as old as the sofa. The walls seemed flimsy and were crumbling, and the floor was worn down in paths. One path led to a hallway on his immediate left, and another led to a kitchen with its door open on his right. She took the path to the kitchen and he followed to find a run-down but neatly kept kitchen. He looked around.

She pointed to a chair and looked at him sternly until he sat, and then set down his breakfast in front of him (which, he noticed, had been prepared just before she asked him in, and he noted this small victory with a quick smirk), which was entirely vegetarian, but still good enough for him. Cassi took her seat on the other side of the small, square table with her cup of tea and drank it quietly, glancing over at him from time to time.

About halfway through the meal, and without looking up at her, he said, "Your hair is longer."

She touched a few locks of hair that were falling out of a bun and around her face to hang at about her mid-back. "Yes, it's growing back quickly, but I might only let it get a bit longer… not as long as I had it. It was impractical."

"I never minded," he said lightly, and he ploughed on. "Yesterday, your eyes… they were blue, just blue. A charm I suppose?"

She smiled faintly. "Mmm hmm, Color Charm. It wears off by the end of the day, but it was too much of a bother having Muggles ask me where I got my contacts. Oh… erm, they are lenses Muggles put in their eyes instead of wearing glasses," she explained at his slightly confused look.

"I see," he said, and ate for a little bit. "So… you find pleasure in pretending to be a Muggle?"

Cassi stiffened and rapped her fingers on the table once. He knew she hated living like a Muggle, it was why she left Russia in the first place. "It puts food on the table."

"I see…. So why aren't you eating?"

Cassi flushed and looked down at her tea. "Morning sickness," she answered shortly. "I'm not too bad around people eating, but I can't eat anything myself, not until lunch."

"For all this time? You know there are potions out there to help you-"

"I don't trust them," she said, ending the conversation abruptly, as though she'd rather not talk about such things with him.

There was a tapping at the kitchen window. Cassi stood up and unlocked the window for a brown owl to hop in, then flutter over to Severus. It offered its leg out to him so he could remove the rolled up newspaper and drop a few Knuts in its pouch. Once it had done its duty, it hooted once in a dignified manner, then flew out the window. Cassi peered at the paper briefly, then shut the window and returned to her seat, picking up her tea. Severus, having an idea, unrolled it and set it on the table flat so she could read the headlines upside down.

She curiously peeked over at the paper every now and then, and Severus smirked. He rest his jaw on his fist and pretended to read the headlines, glancing up at her a few times until he finally caught her eye and she looked away, angered.

"Do you want to read it?" he asked with fake politeness.

"Are you mocking me, Professor Severus R. Snape?" she said, echoing his sly tone. "What does the R stand for?"

Gruffly, he replied, "It doesn't matter." Knowing she had won this battle, he set the newspaper more in front of him. "Oh look, Rita's been writing again…"

"Who?" she asked, suddenly impatient.

"She used to write rather eloquent articles about your beloved Potter boy. I found them rather enjoyable… who's the target today? Ah, Fudge! Wonderful," he said, and settled back to read the article. She watched him, somewhere between angry and curious.

"Well I'd simply love to watch you read the newspaper all day," she said, and he made a small derisive noise that seemed to say 'probably' which made her eyes narrow, "but I've got to go to work. Alone." She stood up and put her cup in the sink, then walked out of the kitchen. With a fixed smirk on his face, he mimicked her movements with his plate, then caught up to her as she left the room, locking the door behind her with her wand.

Immediately, she turned around upon locking the door to say something to Severus, but found him to be a little closer than she thought… close enough for her to kiss him. Both stared at each other for awhile, Cassi's hand still absently on the doorknob, and his hand on the door, suspiciously near her waist. After a collective tense moment, she turned away from him and started down the hall. Severus lingered back, watching her with interest as she put her hand through her hair and started down the stairs. She may have won the battle, but he would win this war. He passed the counter with the loud American sitting at it, and began down the stairs after her. He caught up with her in no time, for her shorter legs were no match for his long ones.

"If I didn't know any better," he said once they had reached the base of the stairs, "I'd say you were purposefully trying to lose me."

"Hmm, wonder why I'd want to do that to a man that's been following me for a day," she retorted dryly, marching out of the building. Severus followed.

"Running from me?" he said. "I certainly didn't think my frightening anti-social powers were strong enough to penetrate your anti-Severus ones."

"Make your jokes now Snape, you won't have the heart to after sleeping out in the hall for however long you've decided to torment me," she replied, walking briskly down the sidewalk towards her work building.

"I'll be gone tomorrow morning," he replied in a much more serious tone. She slowed down some. "And stop calling me Snape! We established last December that my name was Severus."

"Why? It might as well be Snape to me!" she hissed bitterly, and he looked away.

"That's what I mean to talk to you about," he said.

"Forget it, Snape!" she said, finally showing a bitter anger instead of an icy one. She stopped walking and faced him. "You said what you needed to, I understand. I got the message. Do you think it's easy for me to see you come back after all this time, especially after what we've said and done? We had our words then. It's over! I-I'm glad you're leaving tomorrow, you're mad, an absolute nutter!" People who passed by looked at her strangely because she was ranting in English, but Cassi neither noticed nor cared. A light shade of pink crept over the bridge of her nose and onto her cheeks. To her surprise, Severus smirked, then gently grabbed her arm and pulled her off to one side to the entrance of an alleyway.

"Cassi, I've spent months upon months with you," he said in a lowered voice. "Don't you think I might have a slight bit of insight into your mind? I know perfectly well what you're doing."

"How could you? You're not reading my mind, I hope," she said, looking at him suspiciously.

"No, there's no need for that. You're pushing yourself away from me because you decided a long time ago that's how you would protect yourself. Don't think your icy demeanor fools me, it's just your self-will commanding you. I would think you're also quite a bit confused between your desire to slap me across the face for what I've put you through and your desire to throw your arms around me and forget these past months happened. It just so happens that you don't want to do either of the latter because you're afraid to hurt me, but I'm just curious as to which you do first," he said, reading off her innermost thoughts in an amused tone. She stared at him blankly.

"Take a guess," she said before slapping him hard, leaving a tingling red handprint on his cheek. He rubbed it remotely, still smirking though, and watching her run off.

Ultimately, he was quite pleased with this morning's progress. Not only had he made her snap out of her cold shell, but judging from a brief look of terror on her face, he had correctly deduced her emotions.

He spent the rest of the morning wandering the streets, looking at the industrial yet impressive town. It was a blend of both old and new, as if it couldn't quite make up its mind as to whether it was an old town of palaces and royalty, or a new city of work and advancements. As much as he didn't care for Muggles, he found the city interesting enough. His thoughts were never really on the architecture or colors though, they remained solely on Cassandra. After months of pushing her out of his head, ignoring her situation and denying her worth and meaning to him, he could now come to terms with what had happened and how both reacted.

The previous day's morning, when Severus was at Hogwarts, things had begun evolving in his mind. He had awoken early not because of a dream, but what seemed more like a realization that had startled him from sleep. As if someone had poured ice water on him, he had shot out of bed and began examining the thoughts that screamed in his head. You stupid git! they said. You let her get away! You need her! And you call yourself a professor and deem yourself smart when you can't see that you're both hopelessly devoted? A memory occurred to him at that time… directly after the last Defense meeting, he had felt something while looking at her that he hadn't experienced that powerfully before, and therefore repressed it. Now it was quite evident as to what it was… devotion. Pure, undeniable, everlasting devotion.

The only thing he could think about from that time forth was what he could possibly say to bring her back, but decided he would figure out something when he got there. And now he was here, and he wasn't sure what to say. He had less than twenty-four hours to make her see it his way before he left… he supposed he could come back the week he had between the mission and school, but she would have hardened herself against all of his attempts by then. For the first time since arriving here, he worried that despite his correct prediction of her feelings, her iron-cast willpower wouldn't allow her to return to him. He dismissed the thought, now was not the time to be insecure. Between the both of them, they had enough insecurities to dissolve five relationships.

He stood as a clock struck noon, and walked his way back towards her shop. He hadn't strayed far, only enough to find a park bench to sit and think at. With his excellent sense of direction, he worked his way backward towards her shop, and stopped just across the street, looking though the window. Cassi wasn't inside. He looked around, then crossed the street and pushed the shop door open.

"Is Cassi here?" he said clearly to the young girl he had come across the other day.

"She said for me to tell you that she was going somewhere for lunch that you wouldn't find her," the girl replied.

"How convenient," he murmured. "You wouldn't happen to know where this place is, would you?"

"Nyet," the girl answered. Severus stood there for a moment, then turned to go. "You know, you really upset her this morning."

"Did I?" he said, looking slightly uncomfortable about talking to a Muggle girl about this.

"Yeah, she was all shaking and talking to herself. I told it's not good to talk to herself. I think she either really likes you or really hates you," said the girl.

"We'll see," he said, then semi-bowed and left the store. The girl shook her head and continued folding clothes.

Severus decided to give Cassi a bit of time to herself, so he walked up to her apartment and resumed his station at her door, waiting for her to come home.

~

Severus waited a very long time in front of that door. The landlord bothered him from time to time with impertinent questions, but eventually became disinterested and went back to his magazine. By the time Severus heard her step on the stairs, it was well past the dinner hour and night had almost completely cast its dark spell over the sky. He stood up at the sound of her echoing footsteps, and waited for her patiently. She appeared at the top of the stairs looking tired and downtrodden, and for a moment, he felt his heart sink with the pain he was causing her.

He tried to say something, but she looked away from him and wordlessly unlocked her apartment, then shut the door behind herself. He exhaled loudly and settled back to the floor, listening.

For a long time, there was silence from behind her door. Then, after about an hour, he heard her footstep across the worn out floor, pacing back and forth, back and forth. She was debating something, he knew, and waited hopefully outside, his legs crossed Indian-style and his hand on his knees.

"She ain't gonna let you in, mate," Mr. Day called out from his counter.

"This doesn't concern you," he snapped, but worried all the same. He returned to listening to her steady paces across the floor. Step step step step step, pause, turn, step step step step step… The rhythmic beat made his senses dull and his eyelids droop slightly as he leaned his head against the wall. Just as half-formed dreams began to arise in his mind, there was a stop in the pacing, and he brought himself around to the awakened state.

The doorknob rattled and he saw her lovely eyes peer out at him from behind the chained door as it opened slightly. She then shut it again, removed the chain with a grinding sound, and opened the door fully. The landlord leaned over his creaky counter to look at them.

"Come in," she said briskly, and left the door open while she walked further inside. He stood up, aching somewhat, and entered into her rooms, shutting the door behind him. There was a distinct "Hmph" when the door was shut, for the landlord could not poke his nose into their business now.

A light on the ceiling dimly lit the living room, casting odd shadows around the furniture. The blinds were shut behind the sofa, where Cassi gestured for Severus to sit. She took up the armchair next to the sofa, sitting sideways in it to rest her back against one arm, and swing her legs over the other, facing Severus. Snape sat forward on the sofa, hands clasped thoughtfully and elbows supported by his knees so his hands were held near his mouth. Dimly, he noticed that a thumbed-through newspaper sat at the other end of the sofa, the Daily Prophet, but he didn't allow himself any victorious pleasure.

"Alright," she said finally after a moment of silence. "I'm going to ask some questions, you can answer them, say what you like, and it will be done." Her note was a steely one.

He nodded once in agreement. There was another pause.

"My first question is why did you think I was cheating on you?" She crossed her arms over her chest, though her face was blank.

"Things changed very quickly for us, you see. In the space of a week, we went from unbreakable to non-existent. I did not know what was happening, I was rather shut out from this entire ordeal. And, I suppose, by having certain… insecurities, I was inclined to believe that the mysterious charm that kept you close to me had been broken, and you had finally seen sense. There were little things too, like your eye contact, the early morning walks, the man at Hogsmeade-"

"My brother," she said sharply.

"Yes, I see that now. It was foolish of me, but given all I had witnessed, it was the only thing that fit the facts and my slanted point of view," he finished calmly. He was speaking slowly and smoothly, almost downcast. She was giving him a skeptical look that seemed to wonder if he was on Calming Concoctions.

"Fair enough," she said, sitting quietly. "Why didn't you object to my behavior more than that one time? Didn't you see how close I was to telling you?"

"It didn't seem that way to me. It doesn't seem worth the fight if you've already irrevocably lost something," he said with difficulty. He was finding it a little hard to admit these things without knowing whether it would help. "When ah, when you were saying you weren't in your right mind, I knew of course than the chemical imbalances might lead you to act the way you did, but I was too… shocked to respond correctly."

She seemed to sigh and give a little in her cold manner. "No, you were right to act as you did. I should have told you much sooner."

Severus made a quietly derisive sound. "Would I have responded any differently? It's doubtful. I would have been just as shocked at the two-week mark as I was at the two-month mark. I would have ranted and raved anyway, so I suppose your fear of telling me was not unfounded and without basis."

"Yes, you seemed rather quick to disown our child," Cassi replied, a chill taking over her voice.

"It was simply hard to believe after knowing that the possibility of, err, having a family was lost quite some years ago," he said with some difficulty. "And honestly, can you imagine sneering, smirking Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry really being a sufficient father?"

"You would have been an excellent father," she said, the emphasis on the 'would have' rather biting.

"I would still like that opportunity," he said after some time had passed. "I was never in opposition to being a father, I was… it's rather difficult imagining that I would do it well. Better than my father, at any rate."

Cassi simply shook her head and looked off at the ceiling with something between a smirk and a sad smile on her face. "You don't know how to fail at anything even if you tried."

"I seem to have failed at this. Rather miserably in fact, wouldn't you agree?" he said, gesturing with an elegant motion between the two of them.

"You're taking this all rather calmly," she said, slightly tart and quick to change the subject.

"So are you, though," he replied, finally sitting back on the sofa and putting an elbow on the arm of the couch, resting the side of his jaw on his fist. "No, I'm not under any sort of potion or spell, before you ask. I've just had quite a deal of time to think this over."

"And where does the professor find the time to think of such things?"

"I'm a diligent worker," he said with a trace of pride. "What needs to be done gets done."

"And am I the last check on the agenda before school starts?" she asked, and he threw her a questioning glance.

There was a tense moment. "No Cassi. My agenda is things like reorganizing potions bottles or make lesson plans in advance. I've been doing these small tasks all summer trying to keep myself busy in hopes that I could… bury myself in my work, I suppose. You're not a numbered item with a checkbox next to it, I'm not going to attempt to check you off." He seemed rather firm in this statement.

She had no reply, but rather looked at the floor intensely, face unreadable and blank.

To fill the silence, he asked in a rather curious tone, "So then, what have you been doing?"

"Working," she replied shortly. "There's not much else to do, really. The only visitor I've had was Sirius."

"Ah him," Severus said with barely concealed dislike. Cassi shot him a look.

"Did you speak with him?"

"For a bit, a few days ago."

"Might that be why you're sporting a black eye?"

"It could be," he said, shifting a little.

"He didn't speak to you of me, did he?" she said sharply. "He better not have or else…"

"That's quite refreshing to hear," Severus said, smirking for the first time that evening. "We had a small discussion on a few points of his visit, and ah… his views on certain actions of mine."

"Oh stop glossing things over, I'm not a dimwitted third year," she said haughtily. "He probably came barging right along and spoke with his fists, then his words. That's like him to, the hothead…"

Inwardly pleased at her insults, Severus continued on lightly. "I believe it was actually me who started the physical part of our conversation."

She lifted an eyebrow. "I'm almost impressed. Now, your allotted time is almost up. You said you're leaving tomorrow?"

"Yes," he said coolly. "Just before daybreak on mission for Dumbledore."

He thought he saw concern cross her face, but decided he must have been mistaken a moment later. "Why so close to the start of school?"

"He's off his guard, and the school board will need time to rearrange things. That's really all I can say for now," he answered.

She nodded, then slipped out of the chair and stood stiffly. He sensed that she couldn't hear any more of what he had to say. "Well, good luck on that. We've said what had to be said, and now we can have peace of mind. Goodbye, Professor Snape," she said coldly.

He nodded and took a step towards the door, then stopped and looked at her, bravely staring back at him through tired eyes. He approached her, and she tried to step back, but the chair blocked her way. Slowly so as not to alarm her, he placed both his hands just under the back of her jaw, bringing a severely confused look to her face.

"I will always be Severus Snape in your heart, my love," he said in the quietest of whispers, then kissed her forehead softly. She stood as still as a statue. Accepting defeat gracefully, he released her and strode out the door, shutting it behind him with eyes closed in remorse.

~*~

Severus waited in the dark alley for the right time to Apparate. He had already sent an owl to Dumbledore telling him he would go on as planned, and that he wouldn't be in contact for the next nine or so days. He would have a full report upon his return, and his devoted teaching skills would be at their best for the rest of the year, despite his summertime behavior.

Mornings in this city were cool, even for the summer months, and with the sun not yet peeking over the building tops, the place was nearly unrecognizable as the alley he had sought after the previous day for this purpose. Clouds had built over the city though, so no sun would shine today anyway. Despite the weather, the city had begun to hum with movement, but as Severus leaned against the brick wall, he felt remote and out of place.

A rumble of thunder told him he was to be penalized further, and a few raindrops spattered here and there. He did not bother to put any sort of Repelling Charm over himself; he simply let it fall on and around him. Fairly soon, a steady flow of rain was pouring over his head, but he just leaned against the tall building and let himself become soaked. Apparating would dry him off anyway. He checked his pocket-watch; seven minutes to go. He crossed his arm across his chest, and bowed his head in thought.

Footsteps splashed along near his alleyway, but he didn't bother to look up. A bike's tires plashed through a puddle, a car zoomed quietly down the road. He was ready to leave this place. He checked his watch again; 4 minutes to go. He could see his reflection in the glass of his watch, and narrowed his eyes at his revolting dark features.

"Is Mr. Punctuality having troubles?" Cassi said as he stared at the face of his clock. He snapped it shut and placed it back in his pocket. Cassi was rigidly standing before him in her cloak to keep the rain off, and dewy drops clung at the material, collecting and rolling down her hood. Her eyes were their natural color, though they stared blankly at him, and her mouth was pressed into a firm line.

"Er, no. Just checking the time, I've four minutes until I leave. What ah, brings you here?" he said, bowing his head a little and looking at a not-so-fascinating puddle. He absently wondered if this was part of her punishment for what he put her through these last few days.

"I wanted to see you off," she said without missing a beat.

"How did you find me?"

"You're not so hard to track."

Severus did not really have a reply for this, so he nodded, then said, "You shouldn't have, you'll get yourself sick in this rain."

"I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself," she said, somewhat severely.

"So I see," he replied. "Well, be mindful all the same of things… we live in different times now."

"I know."

"Goodbye then, Ms. Talin," he replied with respect, and he wrung his hair out some with his hand as he straightened up to Apparate. It came as the biggest shock then when he seemed to blink and instinct told him not to open his eyes again, for a very gentle kiss was being administered to his lips. He felt numb; the only thing he felt was the warmth from her lips. He stood there as if made of stone, accepting the kiss with a blur of hardly understandable thoughts racing through his mind.

He blinked at her as she drew away, at a loss for words. She smiled slightly. "Don't you have to rush off now?" she said politely.

"I've… got a few minutes… left," he replied slowly, looking staggeringly confused.

"That's fortunate," she responded, and slipped her arms around him and kissed him again. He was a little better prepared for this one, and almost let it overtake him until he arrested her shoulders and pushed her gently back.

"No," he panted, and she looked at him curiously. "Don't do this if you don't mean it." He looked down at her now, mastering himself fully again. Rain trickled down his face and shoulders.

"I do mean it," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck, which he allowed with a little bit of caution. "Severus, I've never stopped loving you."

He exhaled as if a stress had been removed from his shoulders, and leaned his forehead against hers. "Then by all means, continue." She laughed and kissed him a third time, drawing him closer with a hand on the back of his neck. He finally encompassed her in his arms, holding her tight, losing himself in her taste. Slowly, everything was righted, and the last few months of hurt and misery melted away. When he could take the sweetness of it no more, he groaned and pushed her away again.

"Woman, take pity on this old man by not tempting him directly before he leaves!" he said, stroking her hair lightly.

"Alright Professor-"

"Severus. Say Severus."

"Alright, Severus," she whispered. "Your time is definitely up. I'll have you know that if you die in your stupidly noble fashion, I will find your body, resurrect you, and kill you myself, got it?"

He smirked. "Yes, m'lady," he said, bowing slightly.

"Well then, go save the world," she said, pushing out of his arms. "Just come back here when you're done. We'll talk then."

He took her hands and pulled her close again, and whispered "I love you" in her ear before disappearing with a pop. She smiled sadly, then turned, walking out of the alley.

"That was close. He nearly made the same mistake twice… git," she whispered, now faintly grinning.

~

Well, there you have it. Review now!